AN: Ok, whoever you 123 people are I just have this to say: What. Da. Fuck? Some of those reviews are just fucking retarded! Not to mention some of you mean to review for my bro's fic! Review that story if ya like it! Don't be giving false praises to this one! Makes me look bad! Humph. That all aside, I'm glad everyone's so open to Lala! Now, onto the random-ness that is my fic!
Good News: I've finally started playing 'Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim'...And I've learned how big of an idiot I was for ignoring it!
Better News: I have a new chapter!
Bad News: I. Own. Nothing.
Worse News: You must read my disclaimer.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Rosario+Vampire, or To Love-Ru. Cry for me, readers. Cry.
The Kitsune Rebel of Yokai Academy
14
"Ok, ok, let me see if I've got this straight," Naruto grumbled as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He and Lala were sitting in the bathroom, the pinkette having a towel wrapped around her nude frame and Naruto having a pair of his running shorts on. The blonde tomoed boy looked at the girl sitting on the edge of the tub while, her devil-like tail lying on her lap from her explanation, the he sat on the toilet across from her, "You're an alien princess and you used a teleportation device to escape your father's ship?"
"Yup! Pyon-Pyon Warp-kun is one of my greatest inventions!" Lala said with a smile as she held the device up proudly, "It's powered by a combination of nitrogen and helium mixed with a catalyst of sodium oxide."
"...Oh man, my head hurts," Naruto moaned as he rubbed his temples, "First the fight with the other girls and now an alien princess that's a technological whizz...what's next? Lust? A Yuki-onna? My friends back home?"
*Elsewhere, the sin, a purple-haired girl with a sucker in her mouth, and a few kunoichi all sneezed simultaneously (AN: *singsongingly* I'm E-Vile~!)*
"Lala-sama!" a mechanical high pitched voice suddenly cried out, though muffled through the bathroom door, and a familiar voice shouted, "Get over 'ere ya little shit! I'll teach ye ta wake me up!"
"And now Rawhead's awake..." moaned the Sharingan blessed blonde in irritation as the bathroom door was suddenly smashed through, and a small swirly-eyed midget appeared.
"LALA-SAMA!" the small being exclaimed before rushing to the towel clad girl, who caught it in a hug as she exclaimed, "PEKE-KUN!"
"Peke-kun?" Naruto repeated as he stared blankly at the scene. The door smashed completely down, revealing an enraged boogeyman that was still half-dressed.
Rawhead looked at the small robot before noticing it was in someone's arms. At first glance he thought that someone was the vampire down the hall, but then he saw the tail. The Scot then looked at his roommate and friend with fury in his eyes.
"I fuckin hate ya," he growled before his nose shot two pillars of blood and he flew backwards, colliding with the wall and falling unconscious. Naruto sighed before chuckling at his friend's reaction. He looked at Lala, who was looking at the unconscious boogeyman with confusion.
"Is he ok?" Lala asked before shrugging and looking at her robot, "Peke-kun, I'm so happy you're ok!"
"I, too, am glad that you're safe Lala-sama!" the small robot exclaimed before looking around the room and locking eyes on the half-dressed blonde, "Ah, Lala-sama, I can't help but notice you're in a room with a strange human. Who is that?"
"Oh! I forgot to ask you for your name!" Lala suddenly realized, making the blonde across from her smack himself in the face, and she smiled, "Aw, he's cute when he's embarrassed! So what's your name?"
"Blunt, aren't you?" the blonde commented in amusement before speaking, "I'm Uzumaki Naruto. My friend on the floor is Tommy Rawhead. Before this continues, please tell me: What the fuck is that thing on your lap?"
"Ah, Peke-kun is my costume-robot!" Lala exclaimed with glee, before Naruto suddenly found his vision obscured by a piece of fabric. Upon examination, the blonde blushed when he realized that the object on his face was the girl's towel. So he responded like most boys with four girls chasing him would.
He freaked.
"Dear Kami! Put this back on!" Naruto exclaimed as his face turned red and he averted his gaze. It was then he realized that he had shouted that. And it was a minute later that he realized the walls of a motel room were thinner than previously expected.
How did he realize this? Well, four females barged in through the door of his hotel room. They saw the unconscious form of Rawhead outside of the bathroom, the splinters of the remaining door, and feared the worst. When they got to the doorframe, their jaws collectively dropped and drool seeped from them as their crush/destined one/mate-to-be stood half naked in black running shorts, his blonde messy locks being damp, and a small amount of water trailing down his chest. However, it was Yukari that made the discovery of a cosplaying-clad teen standing behind the object of affection.
"WHO THE HELL IS SHE?" roared the young (perverted) witch, snapping her frenemies and crush from their daze as they began leaking yokai.
"Na-ru-to-kun..." Tamao started through gritted teeth, which were bleeding from the pressure she put on them. Moka felt killer intent escape from her Rosario and Kurumu was almost foaming at the mouth. The only normal appearing one was Yukari, who was glaring heavily at the stranger.
Well, shit... Naruto thought as sweat began dripping from his head and he held two hands up, "It's not what it looks like! I mean, she's dressed now so-Oh dammit!"
"SHE'S WHAT NOW?" the girls collectively roared before the glass sliding doors behind them smashed open and two government looking men examined the group. Everyone's anger was dropped and they were now looking at the two newcomers with confusion while Lala ducked behind Naruto, making said blonde groan.
"Hm...Oh, there's Lala-sama!" Thug1, as he will now be known, exclaimed as he pointed at Moka's surprised face, "Lala-sama, you have to come home!"
Lala poked her head up from behind Naruto, "No! Tell daddy I'm staying here!"
"B-But Lala-sama!" Thug2 tried to peacefully speak, as his teammate was shocked at the look-alike Lala (Moka) not being Lala, but he was interrupted by the princess, "No! I'm...I'm sick of meeting potential husbands! I don't want to marry them!"
"You must though!" Thug1 growled before looking at his partner, "Looks like trying to convince her is out. Force it is!"
"Thank you, Kami!" Naruto suddenly exclaimed with a grin, making everyone look at him as he punched his left fist into his open hand, "You have no idea how much stress I need to work off. Girls...They're mine."
As he said that his eyes reverted to the atom-shape the four fellow students of Yokai Academy wisely stepped back. Naruto flipped through hand seals, finishing with his right hand extended, palm facing the thugs, "Fuuton: Daitoppa! (Wind Release: Great Breakthrough!)"
The two thugs were suddenly sent flying out of the room by the blonde, who was grinning widely as his technique also blew the nighties of his teenage female-friends up, giving him great teasing material. Lala gaped at the move while Naruto walked forward, his grin still on his face as the wind blew at his face.
"Oh this is gonna feel so good," the blonde cackled out as he cracked his neck and knuckles before jumping out after his quarry, "Wait for me, therapy punching-bags! That ain't even one-fourth my stress!"
The girls all gaped at their madly cackling love-interest before looking at Lala when her machine spoke, "Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, Lala-sama, but aren't humans amongst the weakest creatures of the galaxy?"
"...Did your dress just talk?" Kurumu asked with an alarmed face as her fellow Naruto-chasers stared at the girl, "Who are you anyway and what were you doing with Naru-koi in the bathroom!"
"Oh!" Lala snapped from her dumbstruck face into one of innocent glee, "I'm Lala Deviluke, and Pyon-Pyon Warp-kun teleported me into this bathroom as I escaped! Naruto was in the tub when I arrived!"
Kurumu was silent and a dark aura emanated from her, causing Moka and Tamao to grab her arms as their easily angered succubus began screaming, "LET ME GO! I'LL KILL HER! I'LL FUCKING MURDER THE BITCH!"
"Why is it we're the sane ones whenever something like this happens?" Moka asked the other bluenette, who shrugged as they continued to hold their friend back.
"Y-You dare interfere in Deviluke matters, boy?" Thug1 groaned as Naruto neared his slowly rising place, "Name your planet of origin and I'll beg the king to spare it if you help us return Lala-sama to her father."
"...Not like it's my business, but Lala obviously wants to decide her own life," Naruto said with a shrug before smirking, "And as a boy that wasn't given a choice on how he grew up, I'm gonna half to pass on your offer."
"Then die, Elemental!" the thug cried as he pulled a small dagger out. The small weapon was a strange blue and had several gold runes carved in it. Thug1 went to drive it in the blonde's chest, only to be easily caught by one hand at the wrist. Naruto's grin was smaller than before, but it grew as the look of fear came over his opponent's face upon seeing his eyes up close.
"Y-You're...Y-You're not an Elemental...What are you?" Thug1 whispered. Naruto chuckled and pulled his right fist back.
"I'm complicated," he replied before driving his fist into Thug1's face, shattering his nose and causing a flow of blood to come from it. He pulled the blade from the unconscious being's hand before releasing Thug1's wrist, allowing the thug to collapse on the ground. Naruto examined the dagger with his eyes, etching the image into his mind, before ducking as his inner alarm went off.
"Wondered where you scampered off to," he idly commented as he rolled away from Thug2, "You seem to be the brains while Bruno here was the brawns."
"No, I was just more concerned with getting Lala-sama back to the King," Thug2 said before smirking, "So...answer me this, tough guy; what species are you?"
Naruto blinked before chuckling and shaking his head, "Dude, you have no idea what I am. Hell, after the past few months, I don't even know what I am anymore. All I know is my name: Uzumaki Naruto; my description: Banished Jinchuriki; and my current occupation: Student of Yokai Academy. My favorite activities are: Playing with Hige-chan, entertaining the masses, and kicking the asses of those who just love to grind my gears."
"...What planet are Jinchuriki from?" Thug2 asked in an effort to gain more information for his King. Naruto laughed.
"Oh, buddy," the blonde said before gripping his right wrist, "You just pushed the wrong button. Being called a Monster today is a fucking compliment, but calling me a fucking alien? You just signed your own death certificate."
"I see," Thug2 chuckled out before reaching into his black suit jacket and pulling a gun out, only for it to be kicked aside when a ghostly figure attacked him. As Thug2 slid back, Naruto released a loud laugh.
"Wondered what took ya so long, Rawhead!" he exclaimed as the Scot rematerialized next to him in a fighting stance while Naruto's right hand began sparking with electricity.
"Yer gonna get me chewed out by Drake again, ya arse," Rawhead smirked as he replied, "But, it was worth it to see yer girls restrain yer succubus. So many jiggling balloons, not enough eye control..."
"...You're sure you've never read Icha-Icha?" Naruto asked as his hand began chirping. Rawhead laughed before sinking into the ground and grabbing the ankles of Thug1, who was attempting to get back to his feet and ambush them.
"Yea, I'm sure...just like I'm sure ye don't deserve all tha' attention from them girls," Rawhead said before pulling the man underground and rising up in front of him, "So, tweedledee, wha' 'ave we learned from tryin' ta sneak attack me an' my friend?"
"What the fuck are you people!" Thug1 exclaimed as Rawhead dropped his disguise momentarily. Thug1 would forever be scarred with the sight of a flesh-covered skill-minus the eyes and a few rotting holes covering the face. His disguise back up, Rawhead sighed as he rubbed his head.
"I dunno, pal," he replied to the unconscious man before looking at his now charging friend with a grin, "But aye like it!"
"Chidori!" Naruto exclaimed as he shoved his hand through the chest of his opponent. Thug2 gasped before slumping over the shoulder of the teen that killed him. Naruto tugged on his arm before grunting in struggle. He looked back to see Rawhead laughing at his predicament and whined, "Shut up, dude! This is so wrong, gimme a hand!"
"Oh no way, arse! Consider this my payback!" Rawhead laughed out, holding his sides as he did so. Naruto growled at his friend and put his foot on the shoulder of the deceased alien before shoving him away with a chakra-enhanced kick. The blonde yelped as he stumbled backwards and his head collided with the concrete, making a loud smack echo through the abandoned streets. Naruto groaned and looked at his friend, who was dying from laughter, before smirking and joining in.
Therapy had never felt so good to the blonde.
Upon returning to their heavily ruined hotel room, Naruto and Rawhead had to restrain themselves from busting a gut all over again. On the couch was a bound and gagged Kurumu. She was tied up by towels and what had to be Naruto's ramen boxers shoved in her mouth. The blonde knew he should've been repulsed by the blissful look on her face, but he couldn't fight back the amusement crawling up his spine.
"Ok, ok...do I even wanna know why Kurumu's chewing on my boxers?" Naruto asked with a snicker as Rawhead's restraint collapsed and he exploded into laughter. The girls, all sitting in a circle on the floor and talking with one another, all looked up with smiles on their faces.
"Hello Naruto-kun!" The girls (minus Kurumu) simultaneously said with eerie smiles on their faces. Naruto knew he shouldn't respond to their smiles, hell, he knew he should've just about faced and bolted (like Rawhead did), but then again...
This is Naruto we're talking about.
"Hi girls," Naruto replied with a grin before it slowly fell into a fear-stricken grimace, "Oh crap...Just remembered what happened before my therapy session...I'm in trouble aren't I?"
"More than you know," Moka huskily whispered from behind the blonde, making him jump at her speed before seeing the Rosario off and lying in her previous spot. Naruto looked from the Rosario to the silver-haired Moka. Rosario on the floor. Silver haired Moka draped across back. Rosario off Moka's neck. Moka stroking whisker mark. Rosario glinting almost tauntingly at Naruto.
Pain in neck.
"YEEEOUCH!" Naruto yelped as he tried to leap away from the silver-haired Moka's surprising bite, her superior strength holding him in place as she eagerly fed on him. The blonde wondered why this feeding hurt so much when he remembered something.
She not only bit into his neck, she literally chomped on him! CHOMPED ON HIM!
Note to self: NEVER PISS MOKA OFF! Naruto noted in his mind before realizing something, "Hey wait a minute...I didn't take the Rosario off!"
"Nope!" Lala chimed, "I did! Found a funny looking squiggle on the back and I erased it after I wanted to get a closer look at the pretty necklace!"
"Of course you did," Naruto swallowed out before looking over his shoulder at Moka, "And now you can remove it at will, right?"
Moka broke from her feeding and smirked seductively at the blonde, "Yes. Yes I can."
"Well...Shit," Naruto sighed out before shunshining to the other side of the room with his back against the door, in preparation to bolt when two glowing snakes wrapped around his legs. He looked immediately to Yukari, who grinned innocently. Too innocently.
"We came up with a fun idea while you and Raw-aniki were 'getting therapy'," the young witch explained before gesturing to Lala, "We discovered that Lala-san here is looking for a good husband to rule the universe with."
I have a very, very bad feeling about this...Naruto thought before reluctantly asking, "And?"
"After asking what she wanted in a hubby, we decided to let her in on the chase...but since she's under pressure, we decided to make a game tonight for the dates' orders. Seeing as Tamao already had a date and apparently I'm 'too young'," Yukari glared at the smirking mermaid before continuing, "Cow tits (Kurumu glared at the witch), Moka-chan, and Lala are going to have to get a kiss from you tonight, the first to get one choses the order of the dates for the upcoming week, as well as the terms for the other girls."
"T-Terms?" Naruto gulped out at the hungry look from the five girls in the room (promptly ignoring the look on Yukari's face and wondering why there was a look on Lala's).
"Yup!" Yukari chimed before rubbing her hands together, "Whoever catches you decides how far everyone gets on the date, ranging between first and third base...Kissing to blowjobs!"
"Of course," Naruto deadpanned as he began actively struggling in his confinements, "And how are you going to know who kisses me first?"
"Why I'm glad you asked!" Tamao replied with a smirk before looking at a beaming Lala, "Lala here has produced these!"
Tamao held her hands out and three orb-like machines floated up, a small circular opening revealing glass on the front as short antenna rose from the back. The mermaid continued as each went to one girl, "They're Deviluke-trademarked Naru-Kiss-Cams! And we have the receiver hooked up to the television in the room Yukari and I were given. You get a thirty-second head-start, Naruto-kun."
Naruto instantly grinned, making the girls frown at the sight, before he looked at his ankles. Looking back at Yukari he crossed his arms and cleared his throat. The girl looked at him in confusion and he sighed before gesturing to his restraints, "If you wouldn't mind, Yukari-chan?"
"Oh!" Yukari exclaimed before grinning and waving her wand, "Sorry, Naruto-sensei!"
"Thirty seconds, huh?" he asked, getting a nod as Tamao started a stopwatch. The blonde chuckled and rolled his shoulder before lifting his hand into his infamous hand seal, making the four that knew him scowl and the one that didn't tilt her head in confusion.
"Crap," Yukari exclaimed as the blonde made several shadow clones before they all vanished in a massive swirl of leaves.
"We forgot about his replicating technique," Moka stated with a bit of annoyance at her own folly, "This will make it difficult."
Tamao untied Kurumu, who refused to hand the boxers back, and chuckled, "Well, all I have to say is he didn't think about whether you have to kiss the original. This is a timed game, girls."
"It'd be easier if we knew what he was," Kurumu pouted before smirking, "Oh, I know what I'm doing as soon as I win..."
"If you win," Moka pointed out with a glare as she and the succubus exchanged growls.
"Time! You three are free to begin!" Tamao exclaimed, stopping a fight before it could happen. She giggled as the three rushed out the shattered window; Kurumu taking to the sky, Moka rushing through the streets, and Lala stopping on a rooftop and fiddling with a device. The mermaid looked at the kitchen, where a previously missing Rawhead emerged, and smirked, "You've got an evil mind, Rawhead."
"Aye, that I do, lass," Rawhead said as he sat between the girls with a large bowl of popcorn in his lap as he turned the TV on and took a bite, "Poor arse-hole inn't gonna realize who set 'im up 'til it's too late."
"Raw-aniki, can I have some?" Yukari asked as she sat next to Rawhead, who laughed and nodded.
None of the three saw or heard the pot placed behind them on the couch burst into smoke and vanish as they began watching the girls search for Naruto.
Seated on the top of the Hotel, hidden by the blinding neon red sign, Naruto scowled before chuckling, "Is that how it is, Rawhead? Well, we'll see how this game plays out before I try to get payback. I'd better warn my clones about the loophole..."
"And why would you? Are you an idiot, Kit?" Asked a familiar voice from the back of his mind. Naruto growled in annoyance before pushing the connection back. He sighed and held his head as the Fox threw a tantrum from being ignored. The repressing of Sasuke's memories as well as Kyuubi's existence might bite him in the ass, but he doesn't want to contact the Kitsune just yet.
Not until it's absolutely necessary.
AN: And so we begin a fun little game designed by Raw! Poor Naruto, I love setting him up as a smarter fighter, and then pulling his legs out from underneath him. Ah, to watch the triumphant fall...I wonder who'll win the race to kiss his face? And how will Moka's new control over her Rosario's removal affect the school upon their return? And what about Sasuke's memories or Kyuubi's wrath? Will they bite him in the ass?
Guess we'll have to wait and see! R&R peeps!