Clarke was tossing and turning all night. She couldn't help it. After getting off of the phone with Lexa at half past midnight, she'd made it her mission to sleep and prepare herself for talking to her girlfriend about her conversation with Wick. She hadn't brought it up during their short phone call, because she knew that it was going to undoubtedly bring up the conversation that both of them knew they needed to have.
However, sleep never came to her. She was up for almost the whole night, rolling over and adjusting her pillow and squeezing her eyes shut. She knew that it shouldn't be bothering her so much, but it got to the point that she grabbed her phone and texted her girlfriend.
To Sexy Evil GF – Call me when you wake up if you have time please 3
That was sent at three in the morning, and she thought that maybe having done something to further the task of bringing up the conversation to her girlfriend would allow her to sleep. No such luck, however, because she hadn't slept a wink in the three hours that it took for Lexa to answer her. She assumed, since she responded at six in the morning, that Lexa had work early, but the reply said otherwise.
From Sexy Evil GF – You still awake? Something wrong? I got called out of work today so I was gonna get up early and go to the gym, and I just got up.
Clarke took in a shaky breath and sat up.
To Sexy Evil GF – I'm still awake.
The phone call came through almost immediately after she sent the text message. "Why the fuck are you awake, Clarke?" Lexa demanded, though her voice was unbelievably soft and delicate. It was also sleepy sounding and kind of raspy, and it relaxed Clarke immensely.
"I couldn't sleep."
"All night? Why didn't you call me?"
"I didn't want to wake you up," Clarke murmured, pulling her legs up to her chest and hugging her chest.
"Why couldn't you sleep?" Lexa asked softly, not pressing the issue of Clarke not reaching out to her.
Clarke let out a long breath. "I have to tell you something really exciting."
"Okay," Lexa said slowly. "You don't sound particularly excited to tell me." Clarke inhaled deeply, trying to decide how to justify the lack of excitement in her voice.
Rather than do that, however, she decided instead to simply tell Lexa the facts. "Wick, my boss, offered to sell me the bar. He's going to sell it to me for basically a steal, and I should be the owner of it by the end of the year, so in a few months."
"Clarke, that's amazing," Lexa said, without any hesitation. "You love that place – that's absolutely incredible. I mean, I'm assuming you're still going to want to bar tend, but owning a place like that basically secures you for as long as it keeps being successful."
"Yeah," the blonde agreed.
There was silence for a moment. "Babe, what's wrong? Why were you so nervous about telling me about that that you couldn't sleep?"
Clarke had tears in her eyes, and she wasn't sure whether she was weak for them or not. She shouldn't be as terrified about this topic as she was, but she absolutely couldn't help it. She swallowed thickly, preparing her voice for speaking again. "Um. I was worried that you would be upset. Because... owning this place kind of ties me here."
Lexa's exhale was quick and quiet and Clarke barely heard it. She couldn't tell what emotion the breath held. "Clarke, you were tied down to DC when I met you."
"That's not true," Clarke whispered.
"Yes, it is," Lexa insisted. "You grew up there. Your mom lives there. Your best friend who is basically your sister lives there. All of your other friends that you've known since starting college live there. Your job is there – and that job means so much to you. I was never going to ask you to leave all of that for me, Clarke. You can't have thought that I would be upset that something so amazing is happening for you."
"I know it's stupid," Clarke murmured, squeezing her eyes shut, "I'm just scared, Lexa. Because I do not want to lose you. You are so important to me, but so is everything else here and I..." She took in a deep breaths. "When I met you, I said something about not feeling attached to DC. Like it must not be the place I'm destined to end up, because I didn't feel like I could be there forever and ever. And I thought that was true at the time, because of my dad's death anniversary and Finn breaking up with me... but I do feel attached to this place, and that's not fair to you, because yougrew up in New York, and you love New York."
"It's not stupid," Lexa immediately chided once Clarke was done talking, "nothing that you feel or tthink is stupid. And you won't lose me just because you live in a different city than I do, Clarke. And about what you said when we were in Europe... I knew that you were wrong about how you felt about DC when you woke up at a very ungodly hour to coax your drunk best friend into going to sleep."
Clarke let out a shaky breath. "But I –"
"But nothing, Clarke," Lexa interrupted, though her tone was careful and gentle. "I would never ask you to leave DC or anything in it for me. Okay?"
"I don't want to ask you to leave New York," Clarke croaked out, desperately trying not to break out into sobs like she felt like she might. "You talk about New York as if it's Paris or London or something."
"You know what's great about Paris and London?" Lexa asked, and Clarke shook her head, before remembering that Lexa couldn't see her.
"What?"
"I'll never get tired of them," Lexa reiterated something that Clarke was sure she'd been told during their time in Europe. "When I go back, I'll get to relive where I've been, and explore new places, and I'll make new memories as well as remember old ones. You know what I mean?"
"Yes."
"And then there's New York," Lexa continued, and Clarke could practically see the smile on her face. "I feel the same way about New York, you're right. The difference is, I see New York City everyday. I walk down the same streets, and go to the same places. And though I could spend a lot of time exploring new places and going to my favorite places, I don't always have time for that. Because I have work, and I go out with friends, and I probably spend a little too much time sleeping."
"You always do," Clarke murmured, smiling a little.
"I don't need to be in New York everyday to think that it's amazing," Lexa said quietly. "Just like I don't have to be in Paris or London everyday. New York isn't far from DC, you know? It's a lot closer than Europe is."
Clarke chuckled. "Yes, I know this."
"Do you know what I love more than New York?"
Clarke's heart rate picked up as she anticipated the answer. "What?"
"You," Lexa stated firmly. "And that fact comes with all of the implications that you can think of. And I know you don't want to pull me away from where I am now, but the truth is, I don't need to stay here to be happy. And if you came to NYC, I'm almost sure that you would resent me for it later."
"I wouldn't," Clarke denied.
"Well, we won't ever know," Lexa stated, "because I don't want you to move to New York and leave everything you have in DC."
Clarke felt tears rising to her eyes again, mostly because thoughts and emotions were conflicting angrily within her head, and she didn't know what to say or do. "But... I don't have you in DC. You're in New York."
"Yes, I am," Lexa agreed, "but I don't have to be in New York forever, Clarke. I don't want to be in New York forever if it means I'll have to be away from you." Tears finally escaped Clarke's blue eyes and she squeezed her eyes shut, hiccuping slightly as she wiped at her face aggressively. "Baby, are you crying?"
"No," Clarke denied, though it was obvious by the shakiness in her voice that she was.
"Why are you crying?"
"I really don't know," the blonde mumbled, pulling her blanket up around her body. "I just... I really love you, Lexa."
"I love you too," Lexa said softly. "And I think that you need sleep. Don't you have to work tonight?"
"Yes," Clarke answered dejectedly.
"Well... I'm off all day, so how about you go to sleep, and I'll text Raven not to wake you up. And then I'll make sure you're up in time to eat before going to work," Lexa suggested softly, and Clarke found herself nodding and sniffling, before remembering once again that Lexa couldn't see her.
"Okay."
"I love you."
"Love you too." The call ended, and Clarke hiccuped a sob again before leaning over to plug her phone in. Burying herself into her blankets, she let herself realize the implications that came from the conversation she'd just had with Lexa. As they all occurred to her, she felt herself relaxing significantly, and she finally fell asleep.
To Raven – Hey, this is Lexa. (Anya gave me your number when we were coming back from DC). Just wanted to let you know that Clarke just went to sleep, so please try not to wake her up.
Lexa sent that directly after ending the call with her girlfriend, and then she'd gotten up and dressed in clothes that were suitable for exercise. Rather than going to the gym, she decided for a jog instead, and set out.
She got a reply from Raven just as she was approaching her apartment building a couple hours later, having stopped for lunch and a coffee while out on her run.
From Raven – Why'd she go to sleep at six in the morning?
From Raven – Actually, hold on.
Before Lexa could question the message, her phone started ringing with a call from her girlfriend's best friend. Lexa answered it immediately. "Hey," she said, before quickly gulping down the last of her coffee.
"Hey," Raven replied, "why did Clarke not sleep until this morning?"
"Apparently she couldn't sleep, because she was worried about talking to me about Wick offering to sell her the bar," Lexa explained. "She texted me at three in the morning asking me to call her when I woke up, and was still wide awake when I woke up."
"Oh." Raven let out a sigh. "Well, did she finally talk to you?"
"Yeah..." Lexa furrowed her eyebrows. "Has she known about the offer for long?"
"Oh, no," Raven said quickly, "no, she just talked to him yesterday. But she's been wanting to talk to you about your whole living situation for quite a while. I thought she would've done it over the weekend."
"We almost did," Lexa said, sighing, "but yeah, we finally talked about it all."
"So what consensus did you reach?"
Lexa laughed lightly. "I'm not sure we did reach one, I mean, not officially. She's worried about pulling me away from New York, and she was worried that I would be upset by her being stuck to DC. But I would never pull her away from that place – she has you and all of her friends and her mom and her job. So I told her that, and I mean, I am not opposed to moving to Washington DC for Clarke. It's not a bad place to live by any means."
"Well... good," Raven said, letting out a relieved breath. "I'm glad you guys talked it out. It was starting to stress me out, not being able to calm her down about it all. Well, I've gotta go, I'm about to head out for work. Thanks for texting me about it."
"No problem," Lexa said, though she smiled a little since she'd really only texted Raven to keep Clarke from being woken up, not to explain the whole situation. The phone call ended, and Lexa finally made it to her apartment, unlocking the door and slipping inside. She immediately dumped her empty coffee cup into the trash. She glanced into her living room and physically jumped as she saw Anya sprawled across her couch. "Anya, what the fuck?"
"Hey," her best friend chirped. "How was your morning?"
"Alright..." Lexa looked curiously at her friend. "Yours?"
"Don't you have work?"
"Got called out," Lexa answered, walking into the living area and leaning against the wall. "I was out on a run. Why? Were you going to chill in my apartment all day while I was gone? Please don't tell me that you're already out of money and lost yours."
"You act like I'm completely unemployed," Anya said with a scoff, "when you obviously know that I'm working part time at the museum right now."
"It hardly counts, considering what job you should be working. Anyway, what are you doing here?"
"I was gonna chill here until you came around," she admitted.
"Why?" Lexa furrowed her eyebrows.
Her best friend took in shaky breath. "I need to talk to you."
"What's up?" Lexa asked, after making her best friend some tea. Since she'd just had coffee, Lexa didn't make any for herself. She wondered if she might need wine, though, because Anya rarely got so serious about topics of discussion unless they were actually of great importance. She decided against alcohol so early on in the day, though, and instead seated herself next to her best friend. Tucking her feet under herself, she waited patiently for Anya to begin talking.
"So, last week, I applied for a bunch of jobs," Anya began, and Lexa nodded. She was aware of this – she'd actually helped find a lot of them. "I got a call yesterday about one, but it was one of the ones that is very low down on my list. Like, last case scenario type job. But this morning, about forty minutes ago, I got another call from one of the better ones. Actually, it might be one of the best of the ones I applied for, and I got it."
Lexa's eyes widened. "That's amazing, Anya! Which company was it?"
Anya coughed awkwardly, looking down at her lap. "It's uh, the oil and gas company that we saw on the list. The one that I said was a long shot, but I'd try for it."
Lexa froze for a moment, wondering why her friend seemed so unexcited. This seemed to be the trend of the morning, actually, people telling her exciting news and being very unexcited about it. But then it hit her – the oil and gas company that Anya had flashed the web page of to her was not in New York, understandably. In fact, it was actually in Texas, hours and hours southwest of New York City. "Oh. That's still incredible."
"It's so far away," Anya said quietly. "I've never thought about moving out of New York. They said in the call that they understood moving time and expenses, so they said they'd hold the job for a month or so for me. They actually want me there, but I told them I would have to think about it. The woman on the phone understood, because of the moving situation, but... do I do it?"
Lexa exhaled softly. "Anya, you are probably one of the most successful people that I know when it comes to working your ass off to build your way up in a career. And I want you to take every opportunity you have to be amazing and keep building yourself up. But this is your decision. You know that I'll support you no matter what."
"Even if I move halfway across the country?" Anya muttered, sighing and sinking further into Lexa's couch.
"Yes," Lexa confirmed firmly. "Of course."
There was silence in between them for a moment, and then a soft exhale. "I want to do it. Even if it means that I have to go live around a bunch of hill billies and conservative assholes. The place is in Austin, though, so I guess I'll be okay."
"I'm pretty sure not everyone in Texas is an asshole," Lexa said lightly, chuckling. "And I think you'll own life no matter where you are and who you have to deal with."
Anya smiled, sighing again. "I guess I better start trying to get out of my apartment lease and trying to find a place in Austin. Are you going to be okay here by yourself?"
Lexa bit down on her lower lip, glancing down at her phone, which was sitting in her lap.
"What?"
Lexa shook her head. "Nothing, it can wait. Right now, we need to figure out how we are going to celebrate your new job."
"Oh, did you hear?" Clarke asked her best friend as she wiped down the bar counter. It was just about time for her shift to end – she had an early ending one today, which was nice considering how little she'd slept. But she was incredibly grateful to her girlfriend for making sure that she did indeed wake up on time.
"About what?" Raven asked, raising an eyebrow as she leaning against the other side of the bar. She'd just arrived at the bar and was waiting to take the blonde home, since Clarke had opted for a cab due to her lack of sleep.
"Anya got a new job – in Texas," Clarke replied, carefully observing her friend's reaction.
Raven raised an eyebrow. "And I'm supposed to care because...?"
"Because you like her."
"No, I don't. We just had sex. It wasn't a big deal," Raven insisted, sniffing and looking away from the blonde casually.
"So you didn't cuddle after you had sex?"
Raven scoffed. "That doesn't say anything."
"Sure it does," Clarke said, smiling a little as she pushed the issue. "You totally like her. Haven't you been texting her since Sunday?"
"So?"
"So... you like her."
"Not everyone falls instantly into a deep and passionate love like you, C," Raven said, crossing her arms. "Are you done yet?"
"Yes," Clarke replied, smiling softly as she made sure that she had her phone and that the guy who had just come in was all good. Then she followed Raven out of the building. They were quiet as they started for Raven's car, but then the brunette let out a sigh.
"Okay, I kinda like Anya... a little. But I only just met her, and yeah we've been talking. But she hadn't mentioned the Texas job thing."
"She talked to Lexa about it today."
"Well that sucks ass," Raven muttered. "She was really good in bed."
"I'm sure," Clarke responded dryly, raising an eyebrow. "I'm sure you'll find someone else who can match your bitch level and be good in bed."
"I'm not a bitch, shut up." Raven rolled her eyes and stopped by her car, walking around to the driver's side as Clarke opened up the passenger door. "Anyway, I'm sure I'll be fine. Anya and I can just hook up every time she comes back up to the north east – if she wants to of course. And her best friend lives four hours from here, it's not like she won't ever come back. Plus – it's not like we're going to stop talking just because she's living somewhere else. It's not like she lives in DC right now anyway."
"Sounds a lot like a long distance relationship," Clarke commented, raising an eyebrow.
"Minus all the lovey-dovey shit."
"Sure."
Raven pulled out of the parking spot she was in and started their drive home. "So. You talked to your girlfriend this morning. About that shit that's been bothering you."
Clarke gave her best friend a look. "Yes."
"I heard it went well."
"Yeah," she agreed, letting out a light sigh. "I mean, we didn't establish when we're getting past this long distance stuff, but we basically decided that she'll be the one to come here. Which on one hand makes me feel bad, but on the other, it's a relief. And she made it really clear that it's not going to bother her to move here. And while I don't believe that's entirely true – I'm sure she'll at least miss New York – I believe her. She wouldn't tell me that if it wasn't true."
"Lexa has a good track record so far," Raven justified, nodding. "She seemed legit when she was talking to me."
"Didn't she just call you to tell you not to wake me up?"
"She texted me, yeah, but I called her and demanded that she tell me why you were going to bed at six in the morning," Raven answered, raising her eyebrows at her friend, "and then from there I made her give me the juicy details. Well... I guess just the surface ones."
Clarke just shrugged. "Yeah, I didn't sleep at all last night. I was too stressed out and I started crying when I was on the phone with Lexa. Leave it to me to be the over emotional one who's incredibly worried about something wrong."
"To be honest," Raven started, " I think you're totally justified in feeling that way. I mean, you were with Finn for two years and you lived with him. There was no long distance and no question of when you would next see each other. And then Finn just went and turned away, broke up with you and kicked you out of the apartment that was originally yours. And after the weeks you spent literally wallowing, you didn't take any time to repair yourself over it. You trust Lexa with your heart, even over miles and miles, and that's incredible, but it's perfectly understandable that you would still be protective over your emotions. I don't even think that you considered the fact that you might be still shaken by that."
"You're probably right," Clarke agreed with a sigh. "What would I do without you?"
"I guess we won't ever know," Raven said, giving her a wide smile. "Feel like having a movie night?"
"It's Tuesday."
"So? It's only ten."
Clarke smiled. "Alright, sure. As long as I get to choose the movie."
"Deal!"
"So how's living with Rae?" Octavia asked, sipping her coffee and looking across the table at Clarke. It was Friday morning, and while Raven was at work and Clarke was not yet at work, Octavia had invited the blonde for coffee to catch up. Sure, they hung out all the time with their friends, but that wasn't ever true catching up time, and the brunette had her morning off.
"Almost like how I remember it being," Clarke replied, smirking, "except she actually wakes up before me by some miracle, and she's actually generally more respectful of our space than during college."
"I cannot imagine living with her during college," Octavia muttered. She shook her head as if trying to erase the thought from her head. "So, you doing alright then?"
"Yeah, I'm great." Clarke smiled.
"Things with Lexa area all good?"
Clarke found herself nodding and smiling, knowing for the first time in a while that she and Lexa were definitely going to be okay. At least, she'd received the best assurance she possibly could've at this point in time, and that was enough for her right now. "Yeah, they're great."
"Even after talking about the job thing? Which, by the way, congrats. I barely got to talk to you this week and I didn't get to give you a real congratulations after you sent that text to tell us all," Octavia said, smiling widely.
"Thank you, and yeah, especially after talking about it."
"I'm glad."
Clarke let out a quiet breath. "Yeah, but it doesn't change how much I miss her. I'm just happy that she understands that I can't really leave here. I wish I could... speed up time, I guess, to the point where we get to be together, in the same place, full time."
"Yeah, I personally can't imagine being in long distance," Octavia admitted, sighing. "If I had to spend more than a week out of the state without Lincoln... I just really can't imagine it."
Clarke took a sip from her coffee as she nodded. "Yeah, it's hard."
"It'll work out," Octavia stated, smiling encouragingly. "I know that I... wasn't the most supportive person in the world a few weeks ago. I guess that was because I kind of expected that you guys would've been seeing each other more... it didn't feel so real to think about you guys being stuck in long distance until it had been a while. I just want you to be happy, Clarke, and you totally deserve to be."
"Thank you," Clarke said softly, smiling. "So, how are things with you and Lincoln anyway? Everything you ever dreamed it would be? Since I know you did, for fucking years."
"Shut up." Octavia laughed and bit her lower lip, before diving into her latest reason to gush over how amazing Lincoln was.
"It's Friday night, and you need to let loose. I know you're stressed about everything – Clarke being stuck to DC, me starting to pack all my shit to move..." Anya looked pointedly at Lexa, who was sprawled across her couch in pajamas. "So you need to change, get your ass up, and we're going out."
"Anya, the number of times that I've gone out in the past month probably surpass the number of times I went out during all of 2015," Lexa huffed, though she found herself standing anyway and making her way toward her bedroom. Anya followed her, a bounce now in her step.
"I guess that means that 2016 is working out much better for you then," Anya reasoned, and Lexa knew that her best friend was grinning through the words. "Not to mention the fact that you met a hot girl and whatnot."
"Oh yes, and I'm most happy about the fact that she's hot," Lexa rolled her eyes, smirking a little as she opened her closet. Anya was quiet for a second, and the brunette looked over her shoulder at her friend. "Something wrong?"
"No, I'm just thinking about this end of this year. I mean, our lives are going to be so different by then," Anya murmured, flopping onto Lexa's bed. "We usually spend Christmas together too. Will we be able to this year?"
"Maybe we can meet up in DC," Lexa said softly, shrugging and looking back to her closet.
Anya chuckled. "Sounds like a plan, Miss Whipped."
"I'm not whipped."
"Mmhmm."
"Shut up."