Parental Guidance

It was Wednesday afternoon and it was time for the monsters' workout session in the gym. However they didn't feel much like exercising, T.O.M was gorging on a bag of popcorn, laughing at something he couldn't remember. Dr Sprocket was in stand-by mode, going through all his files and seeing if there was anything he could delete in order to make room. Sarah was in her giant form, using a can of red paint and a roller to paint her toe nails with one hand and using her other hand to arm wrestle Fang. The mutant snake was using his tail, wrapping it around her arm and giving all he could to beat her, his face was sweating and his eyes scrunched up.

"...rrr…must be…feeling tired now…rrr….right?" he grunted to her.

Sarah looked over at him, "Oh sorry, I didn't know we'd started…"

She threw her arm down with ease and Fang went flying across the room and landed in the swimming pool. Sarah tried not to laugh as she returned to painting her nails.

As Fang scrambled out of the pool the main door opened and General I.N. Monger flew in, he saw his monsters lounging around and his face went livid, "WHAT IN THE NAME OF CHUCK NORRIS IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" he bellowed.

The monsters all jumped to attention, Sarah bashing her head on a low hanging light.

"I ordered you monsters to take your daily exercise and instead I find…" he saw Dr Sprocket was still in stand-by mode so he pressed his head down hard and switched him back on, Dr Sprocket leapt at the sudden reactivation and the sight of an angry General before him, "…instead I find a bunch of slackers!"

"In all fairness, Sir," Fang spoke up, "It was their fault!"

"What?" spluttered Dr Sprocket.

"I wanted to do arm wrestling whilst they were all lying around being lazy!"

"And I beat you without even trying!" Sarah reminded him.

The monsters started arguing amongst themselves, forcing Monger to use the high-pitch resonator that he activated from a switch on his jetpack controls. The monsters all stopped shouting and held their ears. When the noise stopped they all looked back at the angry general.

"That does it, y'all running laps round the base outside till I say you can stop," he said quietly.

The monsters looked at each other, not sure if he was joking.

"You think I'm kidding? GET MOVING RIGHT NOW! ON THE DOUBLE! H'YAH!"

The monsters quickly saluted and ran out the door, Sarah running into the wall after forgetting to shrink. She shrank down and stumbled after her friends.

Outside it was nearing 120 °F and the monsters were on their 9th lap of the base. The heat was getting unbearable and Sarah felt the soles of her sneakers were going to start melting. Dr Sprocket had to continuously oil himself in order to keep going as Fang collapsed with heat exhaustion.

"No more…" he wheezed, "…I got sweat in my scales!"

General Monger flew over to him and lifted his head up, "I'm the boss around here and when I say you can stop, you can stop. But I haven't told you to stop so keep going!"

As Fang tried desperately to get back on his feet, his tail whipped through the sand and tripped up his friends, making them all fall flat in the sand.

"In all my years of service I have never seen such an incompetent, unruly and bone idle bunch of…"

HONK! HONK!

A bus appeared down the road, the General landed next to the exhausted monsters who were taking this moment to regain their breath. Monger scratched his head; he hadn't been informed of any visitors coming today.

The bus pulled up and the door opened, when the General saw who was on the bus he automatically started up his jetpack, "ExerciseoverRETREAT!" he said quickly and flew back inside.

"Strange. I've never seen the General like that. He appeared almost…petrified!" Said Dr Sprocket.

"Him? Petrified? What could possibly scare the man of iron?" said Fang, arching an eyebrow.

An elderly woman of African-American decent stepped off the bus. She had thick glasses and short white hair. The quite short woman hobbled over with her cane and squinted at the monsters, her thick glasses making her eyes look twice as big, "Well, what are you waiting for? You're baggage boys, aren't you? Fetch my bags,"

"Erm, madam, you're not in a hotel," Dr Sprocket told her, "Are you sure you're in the right place?"

"Course I am! Don't tell me where I am and where I'm not!" she snapped, brandishing her cane.

Sarah stepped forward, "Excuse me, madam, but who exactly are you?"

"I don't give away details to baggage boys, and girls apparently," she said, squinting even harder at Sarah, "Just get my bags!"

They pulled several large bags off the bus and had T.O.M carry them back into the base. Surprisingly, though being partially sighted, the old lady seemed to know exactly where to go around the facility. The monsters followed her as she walked into the War Room where General Monger was hiding behind a chair.

"So there you are."

"Momma Monger!" he exclaimed.

T.O.M dropped all the bags as the monsters stared wide-eyed between the General and his 'mother'.

Fang's jaw moved up and down before finally getting a sentence out, "This is your…mother?"

"Of course I'm his mother! What, ya think he was hatched?" said Momma Monger.

"We're sorry," said Sarah, "It's just, the General never really mentioned you before,"

"Oh hasn't he?" she glared at her son, "Ashamed of yer mother, are ya?"

"N-no, momma, it's just…"

As his mother gave him an ear bashing the monsters all huddled close to discuss this revelation.

"That has gotta be the oldest human in history!" whispered Fang.

"I still can't believe he has a mother!" said Sarah, "You just can't imagine the super tough General to have a mother, and be afraid of her!"

"You think she brought snacks?" asked T.O.M, looking hungrily at the bags.

Mrs Monger was poking her son with her cane, "Look at ya, thin as a rake! You've not been taking care of yourself! I thought I taught you better than that! Clearly this job of yours is making you neglect your health! Don't you want to live to a ripe old age?"

"Ma, I'm 90!" he protested, "And I have a facility to run and 'special' soldiers to train!"

"Always an answer for everything. Your father shoulda beaten more sense into ya! I hope you treat these soldiers of yours better?"

She looked back at the monsters through her thick glasses, seeming to forget they were there, "My goodness, Ian, they're all as thin as paper! And look at this one!" she pointed at Sarah, "Wasting away!"

Sarah raised her hand "Uh, actually…"

"Good grief, you have young girls in this base of yours? What kind of organization are you running here?" she asked her son.

"Ma, you know that's classified and speaking of which…how'd you find me here?" asked Monger.

"Well you never visit me so I decided to visit you instead. I asked that President of yours and she very kindly pointed me this way. Or she did once I agreed to let go of her ear."

"Maaaaa!" groaned Monger.

"Now, you and your soldiers can take my bags to my room then we can have a loooooong talk," she said.

General Monger motioned his monsters to pick up the bags, as they went to grab them Mrs Monger grabbed Sarah's arm, "It's a boy's job to do the heavy lifting, dearie. Let them do it." She said.

"Oh…okay."

"You stay here, I'm gonna make sure they don't drop anything important." And she hobbled out the room with the boys all carrying her luggage down the corridor.

Once Mrs Mongers stuff had been unpacked, in the quarters normally used by the President when she visited, she went around the base with her son to see how he did his job, General Monger trying his best not to let her know that it was a base that housed monsters and aliens.

"Straighten your posture!" she told him, "You always slouch!"

"I do not!" he protested.

"You do so! Ever since you were a nipper. Oh, and a right little hooligan you were then too! I remember when you were a baby and running around the house, refusing to wear your diaper because it 'itched' too much and you preferred to go around naked,"

"Ma, not in front of my men!" he said quietly.

"Oh, grow up, you big girls blouse! No one's going to know about that,"

The monsters were secretly watching from the overhead catwalk, trying not to laugh at General Monger's humiliation, "Best. Day. Ever." Sniggered Fang.

Just then, to General Monger's alarm, Sqooty scurried up to them, "General Monger, I am pleased to announce that I have completed my report on the common banana,"

"Sheesh, this base of yours is a mess! You've got children's toys lying around," said Mrs Monger, poking the little alien with her cane, "Where'd you get this one from? Japan?"

"Ma, that is not a toy!" said Monger.

"Well it has no purpose lying around here." She said, she then picked Sqooty up and tossed him into a passing trash can pulled by Scruffy the Janitor.

Monger just rubbed his eyes, "Perhaps you'd like a visit to the mess hall? You must be starving?"

"Finally! Took you this long to suggest that, huh?" she said and followed her frustrated son down the hallway, looking momentarily up at the overhead catwalks, he could've sworn he heard laughter.

In the mess hall the monsters walked in to find the General and his mother having lunch, they pretended they had just been doing a practice drill, and they sat down with them. Being short sighted, the monsters figured it would be okay to hang around with Mrs Monger for a while, and see if they could wind up the General.

"So, Mrs Monger, quite a handful was he?" asked Dr Sprocket, smirking. General Monger was trying his best not to shout.

"Oh, he was, when he finally got married I thought my job of looking after him was done. What is it now? Third wife?" she asked him.

"Fourth." He said quietly.

"Never one to commit to a relationship. How I raised such an incompetent, unruly and bone idle child is beyond me." She sighed.

"Funny. That's what the General said to us," Said T.O.M.

"Surely there must be something about him your proud of?" asked Sarah.

"Yeah, was he good at ballet or something?" Fang asked hopefully.

"Well, you should've heard him in choir when he was a teenager. He could hit those high notes like an angel." Mrs Monger smiled happily.

The monsters tried their best not to burst out laughing as the Generals face went red.

"So where's desert?" asked Mrs Monger.

"We don't serve desserts on Wednesdays." Said the General.

"Well no wonder you're so skinny," she then got up and cracked her fingers loudly, "Stand aside, Momma Mongers in da house!"

She marched into the kitchen, or tried to with her cane, and got to work with whatever she could find with her short sighted vision. In no time she had made a large batch of cakes for them to eat, "Monger Muffins! My own recipe!"

The monsters tried them, Dr Sprocket sampled a small piece and ran it through his scanners, and their taste buds exploded!

"My word, Mrs Monger, these are gorgeous!" said Sarah with a mouthful of muffin.

"I've never tried anything so delicious!" said Fang.

"I want fourths!" said T.O.M, eating the rest from the plate.

"Mrs Monger, you are truly the genius of the cooking department!" declared Dr Sprocket.

"It's a mothers way, you have to keep your children's energy up, make them big and strong and ready to face that big wide world!" she said, hands on dodgy hips.

"Mmmm, General, you must have been lucky to get these all your life?" said Sarah as she tucked into another.

"Aye, I'm proud, I've always been proud of my Ma." He said softly.

"Aww!" smiled T.O.M.

His mother smiled and hugged him, "That's the kind of talk I like to hear from my little Ian Neville Monger."

The monsters all started to choke, beating their chests to clear their wind pipes.

"Neville?" spluttered Fang.

"Shut it!" Monger growled quietly.

Later on, Mrs Monger hobbled back into the War Room, she had been looking for the Ladies rest room but took a wrong turning. Her son was having a 'word' with his 'soldiers'.

She found Covertron hovering around a control panel, he was trying to find the codes for the nuclear missiles. Due to her poor vision she thought the wicked alien was just one of the staff.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

Covertron spun around in alarm, "Wasn't me! I was set up! It's all lies I tell you!"

"I was looking for the bathroom?" she said.

"Oh, well you're in the wrong place! Now if you don't mind, I'm busy!" he said, returning to the control panel.

"Could you at least point me in the right direction?"

Covertron just jabbed a finger in a random direction, keeping his attention on the computer. Mrs Monger saw he was pointing to some long black panel, her blurry sight not able to make out what it was.

"Hmm, must be one of these fancy techno-toilets I keep hearing about?" she said, she hobbled over to the panel and found a set of buttons, she pushed one.

RED ALERT! EMERGENCY LOCKDOWN ACTIVATED! SECURITY SET TO MAXIMUM!

"Huh, bit over the top for a toilet," she thought.

Covertron panicked and made for the door but flew into it as it shut.

Across the facility doors were closing, red lights were flashing and lasers were switching on down every corridor, making it impossible to move anywhere.

The monsters and General Monger ran out of the mess hall and into a minefield of deadly lasers.

"The emergency lockdowns been activated!" said Monger.

"That's bad, right?" asked Sarah.

"If it's not deactivated in ten minutes then it goes up a notch, flooding the entire base with toxic gas to kill off intruders!"

"Then that would kill all the staff too!" Fang pointed out.

"The staff would make their way out of the base in an emergency but all the doors have sealed shut. Someone in the War Room must've pressed something they shouldn't have!" said the General.

"Then we've got to get to the War Room and deactivate the alarm!" said Dr Sprocket.

"Only one thing wrong with that," said Fang, pointing at the maze of lasers down every corridor and every door sealed shut.

"We trained for situations like this!" said Sarah, fist in palm, "Time to put that training to good use!"

General Monger broke out his emergency jetpack from an emergency glass case and re-joined them.

"Monsters, Go!" declared Sarah.

Fang weaved through the laser maze with his super flexibility, T.O.M and Dr Sprocket dismantled themselves and rolled under the burning red beams, General Monger carefully negotiated his way through the maze from above using his jetpack. Once they had reached the other end of the corridor they came to a sealed metal door, Dr Sprocket took out a mirror and projected the nearest laser into another, causing a feedback that shorted out the rest down the corridor, leaving the way clear for Sarah. Sarah grew big and charged at full speed towards the door, ramming her arm into it and breaking it down.

"Nice work, Monsters!" said Monger, "One roadblock down, nineteen more to go!"

They repeated the process again and again as they progressed towards the War Room, along the way there were a few slip ups due to weariness. By the time they reached the entrance to the War Room they were all out of breath and covered in burns, Dr Sprocket was missing an eye and General Monger's jetpack was smoking.

He landed and tried to open the door but it to was locked, "Darn it!" he banged on the door and shouted, "Whoevers in there, OPEN UP!"

"No need to shout, I'm not deaf!"

"Ma?"

"I don't think I've found the restroom?"

"Ma, get outta there! The base is gonna be flooded with gas!"

"It will be if I don't find the restroom!"

"Gross," muttered Fang to the others.

"Ma, get out here now!" Monger ordered.

"I can't find the door handle!"

"Just press a butt-No, Don't! Press anything and it could make the whole base explode!"

"But we've got to do something or everyone's going to die!" said Sarah, she was so exhausted she didn't think she had another Titana change left in her.

"People are going to die? Did I press something I shouldn't have?" asked Mrs Monger.

"You pressed the lockdown switch! It's gonna kill everyone if it's not turned off!" said her son.

"Hold on, I'll turn it off!"

"No, Ma! Don't press anything!"

"If people are going to die then I've got to stop it!"

"Ma, there's too many buttons and you don't know which—"

LOCKDOWN LIFTED…POWER…SHUT…DOWN…

The red lights switched off, the sirens stopped and the War Room door opened. There standing in the doorway was Mrs Monger holding a cable plug.

"M-Ma? How did you?"

"I may not know how to work machines but I still know how to unplug things." She smiled, "Oh, and by the way, you may want to have a word with this ugly fella, he's the one who directed me towards the button," she poked the groggy Covertron on the floor.

The General and the monsters all glared at the alien, "We'll be having a little talk with him later," said the General.

A few days later and Mrs Monger's bus had returned to take her home, but not before she had made many more Monger Muffins for T.O.M. She stood outside the base entrance with her son and the monsters.

"Well, I gotta be heading back, I don't want to be late for bingo night!" she said.

"I'm sure you don't," chuckled her son, "If you ever want to visit again…"

"I'm sure you've got your hands full looking after all these monsters and aliens?" She smiled.

They all stared at her with their mouths open.

"What? I'm short sighted, not stupid. And nor do I have a problem with my sense of smell,"

The monsters looked at T.O.M, the tomato sniffed himself then sheepishly looked at the others, "It's been a long day!"

Mrs Monger gave her son and kiss on the check, "I AM proud of you, Ian, you know that,"

"I know. Goodbye, Ma,"

His mother climbed back on board the bus and it drove down the dusty road and out of sight.

General Monger stood silently for a moment, then he turned to his troops, "Right, exercise time! Ten laps around the base!"

The monsters all groaned, he was back to his normal self.

"Oh, but General…." Sarah moaned.

"I wasn't talking to you four," he said, looking past them. They looked round and saw Covertron wearing a tracksuit.

"This…is…absurd!" he said as he staggered forwards, "Let me have my hoverchair back!"

"Not until you've done your ten laps! Now get going! H'YAH!" the General ordered.

The alien wobbled on his pencil thin legs as he slowly began his first lap, the monsters rolling on the floor with laughter.