Who's gonna force her political opinions on her readers? MEEEEEEEEEEE
Anyhoo, enjoy!
The seven students and three countries stared, dumbfounded, at the mysterious hunk sitting in the nurse's disproportionately small chair.
"Let-a me see. We have-a Elena Sima, Elana Seidenburg, Mariah Paygas, Jarita Wang, Ioana von Dollen, Megan Webbs, and-a Gwyndolyn Sovaka, correct?"
"Uhhh... yeah." Elena couldn't really think of anything else to say.
"And-a also, we have-a the-a three Baltics, the-a Trembling Trio! It's-a an excellent stage-a name, you know." The man winked.
"Y-yes, sir!" The eldest Baltic replied on behalf of the three.
"Wait. Can we clear some things up, please?" Gwyn held up her hands.
"Of-a course. The floor is-a yours, Gwyndolyn."
"Gwyn. And I have a few questions. One, who the hell are you? Two, how the hell do you know us? And three, just what the hell is up with these subs?" She turned to the other girls for approval and was satisfied to see bobbing heads and murmurs of agreement.
"Well..." the man grinned devilishly. "I... am-a the great Roman Empire, the pinnacle of ancient excellence! You-a may have learned about me in-a your Global classes. I trust you have-a met my two grandsons? The-a silly Italians?"
"What... so... you guys are countries?" The down-to-Earth Megan was absolutely gobsmacked.
"Um... yes, ve are. M-my name is being Lithuania, former powerhouse of Eastern Europe," Lithuania confessed, looking at Elena guiltily. "I am so sorry to deceiving you."
"So sorry! So sorry!" Estonia and Latvia repeated, bowing and scraping.
"Oh, you guys! It's fine!" Elana comforted them.
"Hey, that does make sense! I told you guys!" Elena make a fist, her lips turning up into a tight grin. "That's why they're so scared of Russia! That's why everyone was so weird and stereotypical! And... and you must be the head honcho around here, Mr... Roman... Empire... sir."
"Was," Rome corrected her with a heavy sigh. "Was the head honcho around-a here. My-a glory has-a faded."
"Oh. Well, uh, sorry then." Elena was not a particularly comforting person.
"Ah, it's-a okay. That-a young America whipper-a snapper is-a doing an alright job, I suppose. And-a please..." He put his hand on his chest. "Call me Rome."
"Well that... certainly... clears a lot up." Mariah seemed uncomfortable.
"So what are you guys doing here, exactly?" Elana asked.
"Well, as-a I see it, it-a started out as a simple ex-a-periment so the-a countries could-a interact with the diverse students of-a America. Unfortunately..." Rome frowned. "They are-a all complete idiots like-a myself. They-a don't really under-a-stand how the teaching works, no?" He gesticulated wildly with his hands.
Elena nodded with her mouth posed like McKayla Maroney's, which pretty much summed up everyone's feelings.
"So-a you see, they are in-a mild enormous trouble right-a now. And the ten of you need to-a get them-a out of the trouble."
"What." Elena blinked.
"How?" Gwyn raised her hands.
"You-a need to convince the school officials that-a they are-a not harming you and that-a they are-a doing their jobs."
"But... that's lying," Mariah frowned. "I'm pretty sure stretching a kid is harming, and Megan's teacher didn't really do much of-"
"Okay. We'll do it," Elana told Rome.
"Fantastico!" The ancient leader clapped his hands. "I-a mean, I think their-a governments were-a supposed to-a be watching out for them... but... you-a know governments."
Elena made a "pshhh" sound and nodded. "C'mon, guys."
"Let's go..." Ioana took some sunglasses out of her pocket and put them on. "...save the world.
"YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH."
...
As the seven girls and three countries made their way to the principal's office across the school, where the country-teachers were being held, there was certainly no resting moment for the poor Baltics.
"So, wait. How exactly does being a country work? If there's an earthquake or something, does it hurt you?" Mariah still seemed dubious.
"Ya." Lithuania nodded. "If it being big enough. Basically, if headline say, 'Lithuania devastate by earthquake,' it mean I hurt by earthquake." He patted his chest as though he was out of breath. "But if it say 'President of Lithuania say something,' it not meaning I saying something."
"What happens when, like, other people visit your countries? Like other countries?" Ioana wasn't dubious; only genuinely curious.
"Um... hard to explain. Estonia...?" Lithuania looked to his smarter friend for assistance.
Estonia adjusted his glasses. "Basically, zhey just visiting ze country. Zhey come to our house as soon as zhey come, and..." He frowned suddenly. "Hold on, let me zink..."
"Shhh. Shut up now. We're at the principal's office." Elena put her fingers to her lips and crouched down. The other nine did the same, as quietly as possible, and tried to make sense out of what was going on.
...
The G8, plus China, Prussia, Spain, Romano and Greece, shifted uncomfortably in too-small chairs as the school's Board of Education and principal grilled them.
"The entire school is in chaos over you men! You should be ashamed of yourselves," a steely-haired Board member admonished them.
"We-we're awful sorry, ma'am," Canada whispered. Nobody noticed, or cared.
"You know, I believe we are being judged rather unfairly," Britain sniffed. "I for one taught my students quite well about the subject at hand."
"You can't share political views about anything in school! You must conform to the rules of the district! Teach according to curriculum!" The old witch shot back.
Britain rolled his eyes in spite. "I thought this was a free bloody country."
"Freedom comes with boundaries," the member replied tartly.
America exploded. "No! No, it doesn't! Freedom doesn't come with boundaries! Freedom comes with a price! We're free! If we want to get fat from super-sized sodas, we can, for God's sake!"
A collective gasp came from around the entire room-but for each party, it was for a different reason.
"Using a religious term in a public school? Are you completely insane, sir?!" The Board leader, a scrawny woman with a tremendous bust squawked.
"The hell? Since when is saying 'God' so-"
Another gasp.
"Sir! Contain yourself! This is a public school!"
"OH, I'M SORRY," America bellowed. "I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA!"
"My goodness." Japan covered his mouth. "I have not seen him so angry since bomb of Pear Harbor."
That was the reason for the countries' gasp; America was angry. Seriously angry. He had been a bit ticked off at his boss and some of his subordinates lately, but this was something else.
America was standing now, right in the board leader's face, hopping mad.
The buxom leader gritted her teeth. "Sir! Sit down and allow us to talk!"
America grudgingly complied, muttering what sounded like "goddamn new-age America no damn freedom."
"Anyway. We do admit, Mr. Kirkland, sir, that some of you may have done your jobs and at least interacted with the students, but all of you were entirely out of line." She pointed a yardstick at the still-seething America. "You, for one: the school board prohibits allowing children to eat non-mandated teacher-originated food on school grounds. And that goes for you three as well!" She shifted her stare to the sheepish Italy brothers and their Spanish friend.
"I'm-a sorry, ma'am," Italy said quietly while staring at the floor. Spain sadly patted his hermanito's shoulder. It appeared as though his little spirit had been crushed.
The Board leader took no notice, instead pointing her yardstick to Germany. "And you. Exercises like that are not allowed in this district."
The intimidating German stared at her incredulously. "Vhat has zis country come to?"
"And you-my goodness, I thought you people were more civilized over there." She glared at a supremely embarrassed and red-faced Japan. "Bringing a weapon onto school building? Are you out of your mind?"
The Japanese seemed confused for a moment. Then a ghost of annoyance crossed his face, only to be replaced with guilt. "Many, many aporogies, ma'am."
"And... and this one!" She pointed with a bony finger to the bored Frenchman. "L... laying a finger on schoolchildren?! You... nasty pedophile!"
"'Ey!" France seemed hurt. "Many bad touching I do, but zertainly not to ze cheeldren!"
"My boy Aidan says otherwise," a Japanese woman on the Board said haughtily. "He say you come close to raping him!"
France's and Britain's eyes met, and for once in their lives, they were united, against a common enemy. Crossing their arms tightly, they glared at the Board with fiery blue and piercing green eyes.
"A-and you! Comparing your dirty Communist country to our country of America! I admit, we are a terrible place and I am in no way patriotic or proud to be an American, but..." She was pointing at China, but that was when it happened.
America roared.
It was the biggest, greatest, most lion-like, insane and inhuman roar of outrage anyone had ever heard. And it went on for nearly thirty seconds. Outside the room, the seven students and three lesser countries had to cover their ears.
When America stopped roaring, he pointed his own black-gloved hand at the surprised Board leader and, with blue eyes hardened in wrath, declared in a voice seething with fury:
"You. You are what is wrong with me. With America. You terrible, unpatriotic, ungrateful excuses for Americans. Get your ugly ass to North Korea or Saudi Arabia if you don't want to live here. Americans. Do not. Insult America." He took a deep breath. "You poisonous bitch."
And what did that unpatriotic, poisonous bitch do?
She went on as if nothing had happened. Leaving America open-mouthed in rage, and the rest open-mouthed in shock.
"Ahem. And you albino weirdo! You may be one of the worst! Drinking beer in school, swearing, and not teaching a damned thing!"
"Vhat is zis 'albino' stuff?" Prussia murmured. "Everyvon calls me zis."
"Hmph! Appears to be an idiot as well," a fat man sniffed. Prussia glared at him.
"But worst... the worst of all..." Double-D pointed her yardstick once more, this time at the tallest person in the room. "You foul... my dear son Jack..."
"Ah." Russia chuckled gently. "De annoying child. I vos being so very light vid him. So veak. Fragile. Like dead flower when I crush."
"You... are not... under a-any..."
"It is strange. You remind me of both my sister dears." Russia shuddered for a second, then composed himself. "You have such big chest, but so nasty."
The leader was speechless. Japan and Germany were the only ones able to contain their laughter. Russia seemed oblivious, but his comment and his terribly unsettling aura were beginning to break down the busty Board member.
"Helpless. Like many American. Like you when I crush your head with my own two hand."
"That will be enough, Mr. Braginski," the leader said tightly. "Now-"
At that moment, without deciding to politely warn the rest of the group, Elena chose to burst through the door with her hands on her hips and her very coldest glare on her face.
"YO! CANADIAN PERSON, WHAT UP?!" America was certainly back to his cheerful self. It figured, seeing as he had the attention span of a grand total of seven seconds.
Elena gave him a suave nod. The rest of the group slowly tiptoed in, their entrances not nearly as cool as the sole Canadian's.
"Excuse me." Elena blew on her fingernails. "I'm sorry to tell you, but it seems as though your history books are... incorrect."
Ioana nodded with a smug grin. "Uh-huh."
"We're just, um, some students who were in these guys' classes," Elana began. "And, um, we'd like you to know that they were absolutely phenomenal.
She pointed at Germany. "This guy? He got Mariah to do push-ups. She has never done a full push-up. And I know he liked me, even though I'm Jewish. So... so shut up!" Ordinarily, Elana never would have said that to a board member, but, well, this wasn't ordinary. Germany nodded to her gratefully.
"Uh-huh, uh-huh!" Ioana nodded her head vigorously. "And the tall dude, the Russian dude? Holy crap man, he taught us more about Russia in a day then we learned about the Soviet Union last year for a whole month!" Russia gave her a sweeter smile than usual. "And, and the Italian guys? Yeah, when like, they made us lunch, the cafeteria was cleaner than I've ever seen it under your watch." The Italy brothers blew her kisses in unison, while Spain winked. Ioana blushed unabashedly.
"And Honda-sensei! He knew more about English than anybody else in the classroom, and he's not even a native English speaker!" Jarita held out her hands in incredulity. Japan cleared his throat, tugging at his collar. "And Mr. Wang, he totally did his job! He taught us a whole lot about China! Oh, and that political opinion stuff is such B.S., by the way!" China smiled.
"And speaking of which, Mr. Kirkland was pretty cool." Mariah raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't have ever known how to say 'run for your virginity' in French without him." Britain made a fist with a triumphant grin.
"And Mr. Bonnefoy was hot..." Megan began, then shook herself. "And... taught us things! About sex! Which is what we were learning! And, and Mr. Sir Awesome German Guy taught us about the entire War of the Austrian succession! I didn't even know what that was before!"
"Vhaaaaat?" Prussia gasped. Then he snorted. "Great education zystem you got here, toots. Not knowing za Var of za Austrian Succession?!"
"And as for our Coach Jones here..." Elena pointed at America. "He's just pointed out everything wrong with you guys. So there."
There was silence for a few moments. The Baltic nations tried desperately to avoid Russia's line of vision.
"Well, I-a guess that's-a that!" Italy stood up with a smile. "Actual-a student con-a-firmation? Proof enough for-a me! C'mon, guys!"
The rest of the nations then simply left, leaving the Board speechless.
"After you," Britain said courteously to Mariah, the second-to-last to leave, making the latter blush profusely.
Nobody noticed the red flash of light that emanated from the window of the principal's office after everyone except Britain and the Board members had left. Nor did they notice Britain's wicked grin as he caught up with the rest of the group to recap.
Canada: B-but what about me?
Oh, we'll pay attention to you someday, Canadia. Just... just not today.