The Q Must Be Crazy

- - - - - Part 14

PG-13

Too Over the Top? Silly? Moi? Well, thank you! I certainly hope so!

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The ersatz El Diablo laughed at Kathryn's futile struggles as he shoved her into the main room of the farmhouse. He sent his men away and they were alone. He was free to have his way with her, or so he thought.

The humble room served as many things, including the kitchen. The largest feature there was an enormous fireplace that served as both a source of warmth and a kitchen stove.

Q immersed himself in the character, forgetting himself, forgetting his agreement with Chakotay. He approached Janeway, who had grabbed a heavy iron pan from near the hearth and wielded it like a weapon.

He laughed at her, thinking he had the upper hand.

"Tell me now, that you want me," he insisted.

"No! Chakotay!"

"Ah, when a woman says 'no', she really means…" he closed the distance between them.

"That's what you think? Stay back, Commander! I'm warning you!" she threatened.

He looked at her with a lust that seared her to her soul. In an instant, he was upon her, knocking the pan from her hands with a clunk that sounded from the wooden floor. He grabbed her and kissed her roughly. She writhed and struggled against him, but he was strong, inhumanly strong, and her fighting abilities were of no avail.

"You have spirit, my pretty one! Usted es muy hermoso. Le tendré," he vowed in a husky voice. "Le besaré repetidas veces. Le amaré."

She did not understand his words without her translator, but she understood his lascivious tones.

"Get your hands off me, Commander!" she ordered, with no response, other than to hold her tighter. His kisses grew fiercer, more ardent, more seductive. She began to weaken. He ripped her clothing, tearing the frayed homespun fabric top away like paper and revealing her muslin camisole. He kissed her shoulder and neck and she relaxed for a moment, then realized what she was doing.

While he mauled her, she allowed herself to go limp, giving him a false sense that she had surrendered to this elaborate seduction. She turned her head, allowing him to nibble her neck.

"Oh, Chakotay," she breathed. "I have waited so long for you to take me."

"Not a moment too soon, my love," he panted.

Her verbal acceptance did the trick. When she felt he was sufficiently off guard, she wrenched her knee up hard and delivered a painful strike. His eyes widened with surprise, and she took the brief moment to grab a large wooden rolling pin and bash him on the side of his head. He stepped back a few feet, not knowing how to deal with the pain.

He lunged toward her. She was propelled by might and rage with a heaping portion of martial training and physical conditioning. She wound up her right cross and punched him hard on the jaw with her fist. She followed through with a spinning kick to his head. She knocked a few of his teeth loose and blood erupted from his mouth. He spun helplessly around with the force and shock. He landed face down on the floor.

"I…said…'No'," she told him as she stood over him, catching her breathe.

He put his hand to the warm oozing red fluid and stared at it with disbelief. She still held her defensive posture, awaiting the next move that never came.

"I…I…I'm bleeding!" Q/C wailed pitifully. "Isn't that what you call it? Bleeding?"

"What we call it? Who are you?" she demanded. "Tell me, or I'll draw more blood!" Her fists were at the ready.

He wailed piteously, like a screaming child. "And, I'm in pain!" he whimpered. "Ouch, I'm really hurting!" Q now remembered the downside of flesh and blood.

She grabbed some rope and quickly bound "El Diablo" as if she were binding an errant calf in an exhibition rodeo.

"Last chance! Who are you?" She feigned another punch, causing him to cringe in abject fear.

"I'm…I'm…" he whined. "I'm Chakotay! I am!" He tried to zap himself away, but could not budge a dust mite.

"Janeway to Tuvok."

"Tuvok here."

"It's good to hear your voice, Tuvok."

"Thank you. It is pleasing to hear yours once again. Do you require assistance, Captain?"

"Send a security detail to Holodeck One to escort Mr. Chakotay to Sickbay. Janeway out."

"I know there's something terribly wrong with you, or you are an imposter. Either way, we'll get to the bottom of this!"

- - - - - - -

"Owoowwwww!" Q wailed from the biobed.

"Oh stop whining, Commander!" the Doctor reprimanded. "You no longer have so much as a scratch on you!"

"Huh? Is it over?" asked Q/El Diablo. "Am I still alive? I can't feel my legs. Are my legs still there?" He continued to winge like a hypochondriac on a roll.

"Oh, I don't know. I'm rather enjoying this." Tom stood over him, sorting instruments. He was still smarting from his experience in Sandrine's.

"And, you can wipe that look off your face, Lieutenant" the Doctor told Paris with disgust. "If this is Commander Chakotay, he is clearly not in his right mind" He hesitated, looking at the costume. "Or maybe...Ah, Captain…"

"Is he all right?" she asked, anxiously.

"Nooo! I'm not. He hurt me!" Q whimpered, pointing at the Doctor. Then he looked to her, "You hurt me too! Oh, ohhh!"

"Well, apart from the fact that he came in here looking as if he had been flattened by a Bat-tholior Sal-hack Beast, he is 100 completely cured. His teeth are restored, his jaw break is mended, skull fracture and all bumps, bruises contusions…"

"You! You stay away from me!" Q pointed at Kathryn.

"Oh, this gets better and better!" Tom gloated from the sidelines.

"Paris!" The Doctor warned.

"He made a pass at every woman on the ship," Tom said bitterly, "and could have had any one of them. Then he tried to seduce my fiancé!"

"Tom, please, right now I only care about getting Chakotay back to normal," Janeway told him.

"You're fiancé?" The Doctor noted. "Why am I never told about these things?" he complained bitterly.

"It just happened, Doc, so you're actually the first to know," Tom told him, his grin returning.

"Oh. Oh." The Doctor said slowly. "Well…excellent, then, congratulations! When's the big date?"

"Gentlemen, please!"

- - - - - - -

tbc…