Izaya clapped.
"I approve of this! Oh and, Yagiri-san, I'm counting on your company to develop more top notch pills!"
Namie dragged Kasuka by the hood.
"Just stumbled on a good specimen. You'll do just fine."
"What are going to do with my baby brother, you hag!"
"Shizu-chan, let it go. Unless you want Kasuka to keep on going about how he wants to do it with you."
This made Shizuo pause.
"I'll ring you later, Kasuka! And this is all your fault, you bloody louse! You put your weird ideas into his head! Kasuka is a pure boy!"
Walker interrupted him.
"Oh, so Kasuka is Alphonse?"
"Must be!"
"Ha, more like a pure pervert. I bet he came in your milk when you weren't watching."
From around the corner Kasuka replied in his monotone.
"Only once."
Shizuo did not know that he could still be shocked. Clearly he was mistaken.
"Er, I'll call you later! So take care!"
Izaya was at his most smug.
"Sucks being you, Kasuka! I don't have to do that kind of thing in secret. I guess spouses are really something else."
"Shut up, I'm sure he misunderstood you."
Fortunately for Shizuo, Kasuka was out of sight and so could not compromise himself any further. Izaya coughed, as much as he loved having fun at the expense of the Heiwajima pair he still had a few things to accomplish here.
"Anyway, Shizu-chan. I believe it is time we renew our vows."
"Doctors can officiate such things! I'd be glad to act as a minister! I know the spiel! "
Shizuo almost kicked Shinra.
"Okay! Everyone, gather together!"
They headed back to the chapel, Shizuo grumbling all the way.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to renew the bounds of eternal love between these two friends of ours, Izaya and Shizuo."
"Oh please. Will you give me a break already!"
Shinra ignored the protest altogether.
"Do you, Orihara Izaya-"
"It's Heiwajima Izaya now!"
"-take this man, Heiwajima Shizuo, to have and to hold, through sickness and in health until death due you part?"
Izaya made sure to glow. It worked beautifully.
"I, Izaya, despite being the epitome of grace, intelligence, sweetness, elegance, sophistication, goodness, kindness, unlimited discernment-"
"Will you stop praising yourself! And did you rehearse this beforehand?"
Again Shizuo was utterly ignored.
"-as well as possessing many other virtues such as humility-"
"Yeah, right."
"-do concede to give my hand in matrimony to this uncouth, uncultivated, uncivilized man-"
"Are all things 'un'? And those are all awful descriptions!"
Izaya did notice that Shizuo did not even contradict it.
"-to be my loyal husband, purely out of my magnitude of heart and my desire to improve his lowly condition as befits a benefactor of humanity such as myself."
"Are you done now?"
Izaya sighed.
"I rest my case."
"I guess that was 'I do'. Do you Heiwajima Shizuo, take this Izaya- it's a gender apart, it really is- to be your loving wife and-"
"The hell I do!"
"I now declare you husband and wife again! You may now kiss the bride!"
Shinra was getting into character. Everyone cheered, including Celty via her phone. Shizuo was just confused.
"Didn't you hear me? I said the hell I do!"
"Shizu-chan, you said 'I do'! That's all that matters!"
"No it isn't! I didn't mean it like that! Don't take my words out of, erm, how is it called again!"
"'Context', Shizu-chan?"
Shizuo pointed at him.
"Yes! That's the word. Thanks."
"You are welcome, honey."
"I mean, no! You fucking flea!"
Izaya shook his head.
"We've been through this before. It's not your blood that I suck. It's your, how should I put this since a lady must never say things directly, ah yes. Your man juice."
"You really are crazy."
"I'm just madly in love! But at times, I get so uneasy. 'What if Shizu-chan doesn't love me back?', thoughts like this keep me awake at night. Men can't always recognize the excellence of women."
"What women are these you're going on about?"
"I try to please him with my body but what if it is not enough?"
Izaya clasped his hands together.
"Are you even listening?"
"I have so much invested in this relationship. It's almost as important as my career."
"Hello, Earth to Izaya. And what do you mean 'almost as important'? I thought I mattered to you!"