Well, hello there. I hope everyone is well. Hmm...let's see, I created an iMix on iTunes with all the songs for BHLB. Just search for Before Her Last Breath under the iMix app. I hope you can find it. Only one song didn't transfer, but the others are all there. Speaking of music, this chapter's song is Slow Show by the National. Please listen to it. I love it, quite a bit.
Okay, also if you have not come by the forum, I wish you would. It's quite entertaining, and there is a certain contest that Mombailey has started. Umm...you just need to come by and participate. The link is on my profile.
I know if I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times, but I don't own Twilight.
After I finally leave Bella and rip my body from the outside of her closed door, I respond to the page. I take the elevator up two floors and greet the attending doctor at the nurse's station. A little girl has broken her arm, and they really don't need me to read the X-Ray to confirm this. It's all pretty straightforward, but, since I am technically an Intern, they want me here as well for learning purposes. I follow the other physician, Dr. Bailey, into the room to greet the family and share the information about her multiple fractures.
A little girl with long brown hair is sitting in the middle of the bed, absentmindedly playing with some plastic horse with dark red jewel eyes and glittery pink string-like hair. Her left arm sits in a sling while her right runs the horse up and down the bed rail as far as she can reach. I tune into the child's mind which is something I have not done in many years, and she is making clopping noises while silently neighing and braying.
Her innocence is charming and surprisingly very entertaining to listen to and to watch. Her mother stands up as soon as she hears us enter, and moves to stand closer to her daughter. She places her hands on the small girl's shoulders, and her daughter looks up at her with obvious love and admiration in her eyes.
This is what Bella is missing. This is what she needs.
While I am pondering my love, the child turns her face to look at us, clutching her pink toy horse to her chest. I practically stop in my place the moment she looks up because she has big, beautiful brown eyes and her face resembles Bella's in an uncanny way.
Is that what Bella looked like as a child, happy, loved, secure? From the stories she told me earlier, I sadly conjure up a different image of her when she was this age. One that is not filled with toothy grins and pink horses. I wish it had been, but I can not control the past.
I barely have a grip on the present.
Dr. Bailey walks up to the mother and introduces herself before she goes into more detail about the break, her bones, surgery, etc. I should be listening or acting like I am listening, but I can only concentrate on the child before me. She is frightened of the doctors and of being in the hospital, and I can't stand for her to be afraid. She reminds me so much of the young woman I just left, and I can't seem to do enough to protect Bella. I can help this child, though.
"Hi," I say to her. "My name is Dr. Cullen. What's your name?"
"Melissa," she answers me in a quiet voice. Her eyes never leave her small, plastic horse.
"What is your horse's name?" I ask her, trying to find something she wants to talk about.
She looks up at me with a furrowed brow, a tiny grimace on her face. "It's a My Little Pony," she states in a matter-of-fact tone.
"My apologies," I say with a smile. "What is your My Little Pony's name?"
"Rebecca," she replies, stroking the dark pink fiber hair.
"That's a pretty name for a pony," I say warmly which causes her to giggle and nod her head. Her thoughts are no longer filled with giant needles and evil doctors, and I am happy I could make her smile.
"Your very pretty," she laughs out, studying my face with the intensity only a could child possess. "Your eyes are like Rebecca's eyes, they sparkle, but her has a ruby. That's what Mommy said. Mommy wanted Rebecca to be Ruby," she says with a nod.
"Why did you name her Rebecca?" I ask her, encouraging her to answer with a friendly smile and a teasing tone.
"That's my mommy's name," she states proudly. "I love Mommy." Her mother whose back has been turned to us while she is chatting with Dr. Bailey, turns and gives her daughter a small but warm hug at her emission. Seeming to not be paying attention to the child in the bed, but she is actually constantly aware of her wants and needs.
The scene before me is almost overwhelming because this is what family is, this is what true, unrelenting love is. I know I will never know first hand the love of a mother and child, but I don't think I have ever witnessed anything stronger in my long life.
It makes me feel even more for Bella, and her non-existent relationship with her parents, especially her mother. How dare she be denied something that every human needs, affection, attention, kindness, understanding, love.
I love you, Bella, and I hope it will be enough.
Dr. Bailey dismisses me, thanking me for my assistance. I give a small good-bye to Melissa, and she waves Rebecca at me in return. I leave the room with another smile on my face as my thoughts return to Bella and our previous conversation - the one without the tears.
I do actually have a lot of work to catch up on. I have not been a very good employee since I met Bella. I have left early, hid myself away in her room, stared at the blank walls in my office, and basically stopped doing anything that would be considered productive for my career or the hospital. I can't find it in myself to regret that, though.
I make my way to my office, and I can see my smug smile and strut reflected through the eyes and minds of the humans surrounding me. I greet those I know and nod to the ones whose names escape me. Instead of staring blankly at me, this time, a few of them acknowledge me as well.
I have never seen him act this way! Is he on some sort of stimulant or drug?
Is he whistling?
God, he's sexy when he smiles.
I let the thoughts rush through me, not really concentrating on anything but the image of Bella in my mind. She is so beautiful, and she is actually looking forward to talking to me. I swear I could turn a square right here in the middle of this hallway from happiness!
I ride the elevator to my floor, tapping my foot along to the saxophone styling of Kenny G, and I fight the urge to do some crazy acrobatic flip out of the opening doors.
I ignore Sally, which is my custom, and enter my small cubicle sized office. The moment I plop into my chair, the telephone on my desk rings.
"Dr. Cullen," I answer after I put the phone to my ear, supporting it with my shoulder.
"Sooo," a tiny voice replies, pulling the small word out for at least ten seconds. "How did it go?"
"You know how it went, Alice," I say in a light teasing tone. I am in too good of a mood to be annoyed with her.
"Someone is in a much better mood," she notes with a smile in her voice.
"Yes, you don't sound upset at all," I chuckle.
"Wait," she screeches. "Was that a joke?"
"I have been known to make a joke before," I say, a small amount of irritation leaking into my voice. Well, maybe I was wrong before, I can be slightly annoyed.
"Yeah, you're just a regular Johnny Carson," she retorts sarcastically.
"Well, Alice, as much fun as this is, I am quite a busy man. What exactly do you need?"
"I just wanted to let you know not to give up," she says in a serious and ominous tone.
"What..."
"Bye!!" She squeaks loudly, interrupting me and hanging up the phone.
I place the receiver back in the cradle. "Bye," I mumble to myself. "Frustrating pixie."
I spend the rest of my day trying to concentrate on work. Of course, all thoughts lead to Bella. When Mrs. Washington, an 81 year old school teacher came down to have images taken of her failing hips, I thought of Bella in school and wondered what subjects she likes the most. My mind then turned to the swell of Bella's hips, and I had to quickly leave the room to collect myself.
Thankfully, the afternoon does not drag and I am not too terribly busy, so at 6 sharp, I am ready to leave.
I just need to stop in to tell Bella good night.
Walking down the hall toward her room, I can feel the anticipation racing through my body like adrenaline, pulling me closer and closer to her room. I feel completely out of control, but I don't mind. I actually kind of enjoy it.
I knock on the door as I open it, not waiting for her to grant me entrance.
Bella is standing at the window, staring at the darkening sky.
"Twilight," I say quietly, "is my least favorite time of the day."
"Why?" She asks, not turning around.
I walk closer toward her, but not close enough to frighten her. Her heartbeat picks up, pulsing the blood through her veins at a more rapid rate. I swallow the venom pooling in my mouth, and I take one more step in her direction. I can feel her body heat radiating off of her small figure, warming me, calming me. I breathe her in, the delicious blend of freesia and strawberry hits my nose as it swirls around her, permeating my body with her scent.
I could reach out and touch her, run my fingers down her arms, pull her flush against my body, but I don't. I remain rooted in this spot, two feet away from her.
"It is the end of the day, and with darkness, there are too many places to hide," I answer as I watch her shoulders rise and fall with each breath.
"I have never been afraid of the dark," she replies. "It has always been almost a sanctuary for me."
"What do you mean?" I question.
What are we talking about?
"I suppose you're right," she agrees, ignoring my question and nodding her head as she turns around to face me. "It is easy to hide at night, but I guess I'm more afraid of being found than being left undiscovered." She says in a quavering voice before she breaks our stare, turning to look back at the moon that is rising in the sky.
"Why do you say that, Bella?"
"I don't know," she replies with a deep sigh. She spins around again, searching my face with her eyes, penetrating my being with her stare.
"What are you thinking?" I ask, frustrated with myself because her mind is silent. I have felt burdened by my gift for decades now, and with the one person whose mind I can not enter, I want nothing more than to know her every thought, idea, feeling, notion, dream and desire.
I want to know it all.
Her face tints pink as the blush rises into her cheeks. Her breathing deepens, and I can hear the fluid in her lungs, the raspy and ragged undertone to each intake of air. The constant reminder of her illness, her eminent death.
"I'm thinking," she pauses, bracing her shoulders for whatever she is going to say, "that this could all be a dream. A crazy, horrible dream, but, then again, maybe it's a good dream because here you are, standing before me."
She closes her eyes, and stands completely still and silent. I don't know if she is waiting for me to speak, but I don't have a clue what to say.
I open my mouth to mumble out some sort of response, but Bella beats me to it.
"If this were a dream, this would be the time when you would kiss me," she breathes out, clenching her shut lids tighter as if she is willing it to happen.
Oh, God, what do I do? Can I kiss her without sinking my teeth into her supple flesh? Does my body crave her more than the monster in me craves her blood? I can't be sure, and I can't take such a risk with her life.
"Bella," I say my voice heavy and thick, "I can't..."
Her eyes fly open as embarrassment floods her features. "I'm sorry. Please, don't say anything else," she interrupts, putting her hand up in front of her as she steps away from me. "How could I be so stupid?" She mutters to herself. "He would never want you, Bella."
How can she think that? I want her so much it physically hurts.
"It's not that," I start. "Please, don't think that." She looks up at me as her eyes widen in shock. I step closer to her until we are almost touching, and I can feel her breath on my chest. It's a wonderful sensation.
I lean my face down, closing the distance between us at an excruciatingly slow rate, but I am scared to move too quickly. I let my nose lightly trail down her face from her forehead to her ear, desperately trying to control my desire as Bella shudders and trembles beneath me.
"It's not that I don't want to kiss you," I whisper into her ear. "I just don't think I can, Bella. I'm not strong enough."
"Please," she says, closing her eyes as they fill with tears. "Please, Edward," she repeats.
I nod slightly, giving in, relinquishing myself to the fragile human girl who has stolen my heart.
I gently move my lips to her cheek, pressing them into the soft flesh, and her skin molds around my stone-like mouth. I move my mouth to the other side, repeating my actions, taking in all that I can. I don't think I will ever be able to touch her again. If she hasn't noticed already, she'll remember later how cold I feel, how inhuman.
I drag my nose back up to her forehead, barely grazing her skin, so softly I don't even know if she can feel it.
I can.
I kiss her forehead softly before I lower my head to hers, lightly placing my forehead against hers. Her eyes are closed and her breaths are rapid, almost as quick as her heart. I swallow another mouthful of venom, but I need fresh air. I need to hunt. I can feel my control slipping slightly, so, unfortunately, it's time to leave.
"Good night, Bella," I say. "I'll see you tomorrow."
She simply nods as she clenches her fists at her sides, never opening her eyes. I turn to leave, forcing myself away from the only thing I want.
"Edward," she calls out. "You didn't have..."
I spin around as quickly as I can without alerting her to what I truly am. "Bella," I interrupt, "Don't. I wanted to do that, more than you know."
She opens her mouth to speak, and then shuts it, her sudden emotions furrowing her brow. She shakes her head slowly. "Why?" She asks in a forlorn voice, breaking my heart.
Does she not see how beautiful she is?
"I have wanted to do that from the moment I saw you," I say forcefully. "It's not right and it wasn't planned, but I can't deny it. You are so utterly, unbelievable beautiful, strong and kind. I have never met another like you, Bella."
She looks back up at me as her heart races, and I can see the blood pumping through her carotid artery, reminding me that I really need to leave. I don't want her to misunderstand my actions for running away, but it is not like I can just explain my blood lust to her.
A small close lipped smile forms on her face. "Good night, Edward," she says clearly before she turns to look back out the window.
"Sweet dreams," I reply, moving toward the door.
"I'm sure they will be," she retorts quietly in a smug tone.
I leave the hospital immediately, running as soon as I am hidden from sight. I take out two deer and a small bobcat on my way to the house, burying their carcasses under a boulder. I barely take the time to enjoy the blood, but it does slightly sooth the constant burn in the back of my throat.
I slow right before I reach the house, leaping onto the porch and throwing the door open.
Rosalie and Emmett are watching some show on the television, cuddled together on the couch.
"Where's Alice?" I ask, my voice a touch frantic.
"She left," Emmett mutters, his eyes still glued to the screen.
"Where did she go? When will she back?" My voice raises with each word, and I know I need to calm down. I just can't seem to get control over my emotions.
Where's Jasper when you need him?
Rosalie looks up at me, studying my face meticulously with a raised eyebrow. "Are you okay, Edward?" She asks, actually sounding kind for once.
I sink into the loveseat beside them with a groan, shaking my head back and forth.
"Do you know when Alice will be back?" I ask again. She has to know something. That phone call earlier was not just to chit-chat. Alice has a reason and purpose behind everything.
"She left this afternoon with Jasper," Rosalie answers, looking at me with a sad smile. "She said she needed to hunt, and that they would be back in time."
"In time for what?" I question, looking up at Rosalie with a confused look on my face.
"I don't know," she answers as she shrugs her shoulder.
"Ah, Eddie, man," Emmett says, finally turning his eyes away from the electronic device in front of him, "just relax. You know Alice wouldn't leave if she thought you didn't have everything under control, my brother." He states as he moves his hands, palms down, in a smooth motion in front of him.
"Emmett's right," Rosalie agrees, confirming her husband's words in her mind as she pats his leg lovingly. I try to close my mind to Emmett as the first wave of dirty thoughts rushes through his head. I wince at a particularly graphic image of Rosalie which alerts Emmett to how uncomfortable I am.
"Sorry," he says sheepishly, "Uh, what is the last thing the Pixie said to you, ya' know?" He asks, actively trying to steer his thoughts in another direction.
It's not working.
"She told me to not give up," I say, rehashing our earlier short phone conversation.
"Right," Emmett says distractedly, "well, do that."
"Sure," I reply, leaving the room as quickly as possible. I don't want to be around for what is about to happen. I reach my room, and I turn my music on as loudly as possible, trying to drown out the noise two floors below.
I let Bella enter my mind to help erase all thoughts of Rosalie and Emmett's escapades. I move to the couch and sprawl out on the leather cushions. I don't move a muscle or make a sound all night as the music plays; I just spend the night with my girl.
Well, what do you think? I was going to add a little more, but I decided it would be better in next chapter.
So, I promised a Bella outtake for last chapter, but I actually never got around to it. I am going to try to write one for this chapter or last chapter still and put in on the thread, but I am not exactly when. Just keep an eye out!
I love to know what y'all are thinking, and I was blown away from the response to last chapter. I asked to see if we could make it to 300 reviews, and we got 300!! So, thank you for taking the time to give me your opinion. Why don't you do it again?!? Please...