I am so relieved that you guys liked my version of Jake. Maella2012, I'm not even sure what hornbagidelicious means, but your PMs do make me laugh :)

Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Visuals:

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Disclaimer: Twilight and all characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.

If I'm incorrect in crediting the songs it is by mistake. It's what's in my iPod, folks.

All my dreams are the cost
From all the battles I've lost
Mocked and judged, sweat and blood
My dreams are the cost
But crying won't stop the bleeding
Cut too deep, I need healing
Wants and needs, apologies
Is this as real as it's feeling?
Is this as real as I'm feeling?

"Life, Scars, Apologies" by Since October

BPOV

I felt a cold wet nose pass over my cheek. Leah's worried whine had me reaching for my furry friend. I squeezed her as hard as I could without hurting her. She was getting restless because she couldn't snap me out of the daze I was in, and it was freaking her out. Normally I'd pet her or at least acknowledge her, but when I first got to my room, I went straight to bed.

Things were different this time. She couldn't curl up next to me and make everything better. This wasn't like waking up from a nightmare.

This nightmare was real.

Charlie was dead. He came looking for me, and someone killed him. I used to think Charlie was invincible.

In my distorted thoughts, I wondered how Leah got inside the house. When I was cooking dinner for the guys, I saw her through the kitchen window. She was busy investigating all the interesting things dogs love to sniff, and doing whatever the hell it is dogs do outside. I never had to worry that she would runaway because she had a chip implanted under her fur from when she worked as an officer. It wouldn't matter anyway; she always came back.

The bed dipped and I smelled Esme's faint floral perfume. I realized she was the one to let Leah inside. I sat in a numbed state hearing, seeing, and smelling everything. Yet I felt nothing, even as Esme ran her fingers through my hair. She said nothing, which was a good thing. Nothing she would say could make me feel any better, and I knew if she tried to console me, I would snap at her.

I leaned over to my side and pounded my fist into the mattress while screaming into a nearby pillow. Leah hopped off the bed at my outburst, and I turned my head to watch her just as she began to pace frantically. She would occasionally stop and nervously shifted from paw to paw. Her whining increased with her confusion, and I tried to feel shitty; I did. She couldn't comfort me, and I couldn't reassure her that she wasn't to blame.

She stopped and whipped her head toward the hallway. Her large ears perked up, and she dipped her head, while a growl came from her chest. She darted out of the room, and I heard Edward's velvet voice mutter, "Christ, are you kidding me?"

Leah snarled in response. I heard him huff in frustration, but it was followed by the sound of his retreating footsteps. Leah came prancing back into my room, clearly pleased with herself, and sat down on her dog bed with her head held high.

The absurdity that she thought Edward was the one to cause my anger and frustration, made me chuckle despite the fucked up situation.

"I don't think my son will ever get around Leah," Esme said with a smile in her voice.

"I don't know why she doesn't like him," I said. My voice was scratchy and raw from screaming.

After a few minutes of silence, Esme asked, "Do you want to talk about it?" I shook my head. "Do you want me to see if I can set you up with Carmen on Monday?"

I thought about it and decided if I wasn't going to talk to Esme, I should at least talk to someone.

~C~C~C~

The haunting melody had returned. Edward hadn't left; he was downstairs, playing the most beautiful music, filled with longing and heartache. The rest of the house was still and dark as I quietly made my way downstairs.

The only light that shone came from the moon as it silhouetted his figure. He was hunched over his keys while he coaxed the sound from the piano. I couldn't see his face, but I imagined his eyes closed and a line formed through his brow, as he felt the music pass through his fingertips.

The notes stopped, and he turned his head to the side, almost like he sensed me there. He proved my theory correct by sliding over to one side of the bench. The corners of my mouth tilted up slightly at the invitation, and I made my way over to Edward.

"I hoped to see you before I left."

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"It's okay, Bella. I would wait a lifetime for you," he whispered while his fingers stroked the ivory keys. Beautiful notes floated through the air, and I felt the sound caress my skin and the tiny hairs on my arms rose to dance.

I rested my head against his shoulder while he continued with his dark lullaby.

"I'm so incredibly sorry, Bella. I wish I could take away the pain you must be feeling," he said.

I swallowed the stupid lump that had formed in my throat, but there were still no tears. When he came to a slow stop and the vibrations from the instrument were no more, he took a deep breath and said, "I should probably be going home."

I followed him to the front door and said, "Thank you for taking me out."

He tugged at his hair and said, "Listen Bella, I know you have plenty of stuff going on right now. There has to be a lot on your mind, but would it be too much to ask if you would come over Monday night? I-I could make you dinner. I mean I would like to make you dinner, Bella."

"That sound great," I whispered with a sad smile.

"Goodnight, Beautiful Bella."

He left, but not before leaning forward and placing a gentle kiss on my forehead.

Beautiful Bella.

I liked that.

~C~C~C~

Monday morning I was sitting in Just-call-me-Carmen's office. She was busy scribbling down the info I gave her about both my parents. I was tired and crabby. Most of all, I wanted this shit over with and to cry like a normal person. The weather outside wasn't helping. Mother Nature was flaunting her ability to weep, and I was annoyed that it was raining in the Olympic Peninsula.

"Bella, let's talk about your father first. Tell me what's going through your mind," she said.

"I feel like a horrible daughter. For years I thought he didn't care enough to find me, and I hated him just like I hated Renée," I answered in a strained voice.

"Bella, do you feel guilt over his death or anger because you were wrong about his feelings for you?"

Well there's a question.

I searched inside myself for the answer. I knew it was absurd to feel guilty for something that was out of my control, but I felt shitty for being so angry at him.

"Both, I guess… mostly anger. I'm angry that I spent years pissed off at him when he was looking for me. I'm angry that not only was I wrong, but he died trying to find me. I'm angry that I compared him to Renée, when he never gave up on me."

Carmen slid the box of Kleenex across the coffee table. I couldn't blame her. It felt and sounded like I was about to cry. At the most, my nose ran. Fucking nasty.

"What the hell kind of daughter can't even cry for her father?" I asked, holding up a balled up Kleenex. I didn't expect her to answer, but I asked anyway. "Why can't I just cry?"

"People mourn in different ways, Bella. Some with tears, others with anger." She cocked her head to the side in a way that reminded me of Leah. "I'm glad to see you're accepting your emotions and not accepting unnecessary blame. Tell me, do you plan on confronting Renée?"

I shook my head while saying, "Esme asked if I wanted to go to Florida, but I have nothing to say to that woman. She wiped her hands clean of me and shit on my father's memory. So, Esme's sending their lawyer to take care of everything. The same goes for getting my father's things in Phoenix. I don't think I could handle going back there, knowing he's gone."

I rolled my eyes when her forehead scrunched at my last statement.

"I know he's gone, Carmen. I know he's dead. It's just…there's no point in going to Phoenix when I'll just end up depressed."

The only sounds in office came from her pen scratching against the paper on her note pad. The sound was driving me nuts. Why did she need to take notes anyway? She was still recording our sessions. I shook my head in confusion. Carmen, being highly observant as she is, raised an eyebrow. I knew it was an invitation to share, but there was no need to unleash my bitchiness on her.

"Just random thoughts running through my mind," I mumbled.

She smiled before saying, "Yes; that happens to all of us." She gave me a look that told me I would soon be rolling my eyes at whatever she was about to say. She didn't disappoint. "Are you having problems with racing thoughts?"

With a sigh I said, "Racing thoughts—no. Over the last couple of days, I'm having a hard time focusing. It's like my mind doesn't want to dwell on a particular issue, say my father's death, so random things tend to look more interesting." I finished with a shrug.

Over the past few weeks, I learned that talking with Carmen was easy, as long as I laid everything out in the open. I had gotten used to the way she worked. She would ask questions that made me look for answers inside myself, and she never pushed a subject like she had during the week of our intense sessions. That was why I kept going back. She didn't give me answers, or tell me how I should think. I'd met a few of those kinds of asshole therapists, but she wasn't like them. She helped me come up with my own answers, and she taught me how to work through my problems.

"The last time we talked, you were still on the fence about going to church. How's that going?"

"I went yesterday with Carlisle," I said in a quiet voice. "It wasn't too bad. When we got there, he asked if I wanted a prayer said on Charlie's behalf." I had to stop because that stupid fucking lump had returned, but my eyes were still dry.

"You seem upset. Did something happen at the service?"

"No," I said with a small huff. "I told Carlisle not to say anything. I didn't know those people, and none of them knew Charlie. Plus, it wouldn't have felt real. Does that make any sense?"

She never answered open-ended questions like that. Carmen always let me mull it over in my head. So, I continued with my rant.

"If they would have prayed, it would be because they were told to pray. It wouldn't truly mean anything to most of them, and I didn't want anything for Charlie to be half-assed. Then, I spent most of the sermon wondering if I was denying him those freaking prayers."

I pulled a tissue out of the box and blew my nose.

"Did you pray for him?"

I gave a small smile and said, "Yeah."

That was all that mattered. Not wearing the right clothes, or worrying what other church goers thought of me. Hell, it didn't even matter that I went inside the building. What mattered was that I prayed for my dad.

~C~C~C~

"You look beautiful, Bella," Edward murmured while taking my hand in his.

I looked down at what I had on. I was wearing jeans and a white tee that had some scroll design on it. I also decided to wear the cross that Rose gave me, black ballet flats, and a ring that sort of matched my shirt. Nothing fancy.

"I'm not wearing anything extravagant."

"You don't need to," Edward said stepping closer. "And this," he whispered while he used the pad of his thumb to stroke my flushed cheek, "reminds me, did you get my gift?"

I nodded my head. When I got back from my appointment with Carmen, I found a vase holding a dozen soft pink roses sitting on the kitchen island. The card inside said they reminded him of my blush. My stupid blush that he seemed to like.

He led me to the kitchen where a delicious aroma was coming from the oven. I thought I smelled rosemary. "What smells so good?" I asked with a nod to the oven.

"It's a secret," he said with a silly eye squint. He was trying to cheer me up. "I was just about to throw the fish on the grill. Then I can show you around."

I watched while he was preparing the fish he "caught." Well actually, I was more interested in watching Edward than how he was preparing dinner. He was wearing jeans and a plain white t-shirt. I looked down and noticed he was barefoot, and he looked so freaking domestic that it made my lady parts tingle. He turned to give me an amazing smile, and damn it all, he looked good. Not that I minded. It's just whenever when he looked that tempting, I would have a hard time concentrating on what he said. I sighed, knowing it would be one of those nights.

After showing me around, he plated our food and we sat at the table to enjoy it. I was impressed. He marinated the fish in a citrus glaze before grilling, and it was mouthwatering. The "secret" in the oven turned out to be seasoned baby potatoes and a separate dish of asparagus.

"Why didn't you ever cook at your parent's house?" He looked at me funny because I was holding a hand in front of my mouth to hide the mastication process. I wanted conversation, but I didn't want to sacrifice the yummy food to get it. What some call disgusting, I call multi-tasking.

"Believe it or not, this is the first full meal I've cooked by myself." He laughed at the shocked expression on my face and went on. "I went online to get the recipes. It nothing phenomenal, but I had hoped you would like it. And by the way you keep eyeing my potatoes, I'd say I did pretty well."

I jerked back with wide eyes. I didn't realize I was drooling over the food still on his plate. I finished my potatoes but still wasn't satisfied. He speared one with his fork and slowly brought it up to my mouth. I licked my lips before opening up for him. His eyes were fixated on my mouth as I wrapped my lips around his fork. I hummed as the rosemary and thyme hit my taste buds, and his pupils dilated.

With a loud gulp, he brought his fork down and said, "Can I feed you dessert too, Bella?"

I washed the yummy potato down with my drink and asked, "You made dessert?"

He looked down sheepishly and shook his head. "I decided I couldn't do the recipe justice, so I cheated and bought it from someone who could."

"What did you get?" My interest was piqued and the potatoes long forgotten.

"Raspberry tartlets from Le Panier."

After dessert, we went to the living room to hang out. Esme had lined up three large chaises next to each other when she decorated the room. The effect was a person could lounge on the sofa instead of merely sitting on it. I kicked off my shoes and climbed onto the middle one while Edward put on some soft music as background noise.

"After seeing this place, I don't know why I refused Esme's offer and stayed at that craptastic motel," I said when he joined me.

He settled next to me and wrapped an arm around me to bring me closer. I snuggled into the nook he created for me and for the first time in days, I felt my body relax.

"I don't know either. It drove me nuts that you wanted to stay there," he said, dragging the tips of his fingers down my arm. It gave me goose bumps and I tried not to shiver at his soft touch.

"Guess I'm just stubborn."

"Yes," he agreed with a chuckle. "Although, I've never stayed in a 'craptastic' motel. We always stayed in hotels. When we were little, we did the whole family vacation thing. Esme was always worried we would go missing because Emmett and I use to run up and down the halls wherever we were staying. Finally Dad had enough and told us there were people out there who could abduct us and chop us into little pieces. He said it would take hours for them to find our bodies in someone's hotel closet."

"That's horrible!"

He laughed like it was no big deal that Carlisle scared the shit out of his kids.

"Think about it Bella, he had three small children and a frantic wife. Add that to the stress that some people feel while going on vacation, and you have an extremely agitated Carlisle. It worked too. For days Emmett and I were glued to Esme's side."

"Why do you call them by their first names?"

"When I was about ten, we were at the park, and Alice was trying to get Esme's attention. She was shouting, 'Mom! Mom!' Every mother there other than ours turned and finally Alice had enough, and she shouted, 'Esme!' Ever since we use both, their names and 'Mom' and 'Dad'," he explained.

"I did the same with Renée and Charlie, the only difference was I called them 'Mom' and 'Dad' to their faces." I swallowed the stupid lump in my throat that decided to make a reappearance. My voice was rough, but I couldn't stop the words that were spilling out. "I won't ever get to do that again. I won't ever get to call Charlie 'Dad'."

I felt cool air hit the wet trails that were running down my cheeks.

"Sometimes I would start calling him 'Charlie' but then remembered he hated that. So it came out as 'Cha-dad'," I sobbed.

Edward shushed me and whispered sweet things while placing tender kisses in my hair. He didn't care that I was making a mess of his clothes. Edward simply held me, and I fell into a deep sleep wrapped in his arms.

~C~C~C~

I woke disorientated, halfway under a man's solid body. His erection was poking me in the hip, and I bit my lip to keep a sob from getting out. It was all a dream. My time with the Cullens never happened, and I was under Demetri again. He would wake up and start the day by using me, and the Cullens were never real.

I cracked open my eyes and saw a stained, white t-shirt. I looked around and noticed I was in a posh living room. Edward's posh living room. I let out a staggered breath and smiled when I saw his brow furrow. He really did look like a Greek god.

My happiness was replaced with panic when he shifted his hips, and I was reminded that there was one part of Edward that was awake. I tried to squirm away from him, but he only whimpered and dragged me closer to his body. He buried his nose in my hair and inhaled deeply before whispering my name.

What did that mean? Did he dream about me? Was I the reason for the thing poking me in the hip, or was he like every red-blooded male? Would he expect something from me like Demetri did?

He grunted and rubbed himself on me again.

"Beautiful Bella," he muttered in his sleep.

His eyes flew open, and I realized he did so because I was frantically slapping him in the forehead. He gave me a dopey grin and said in a voice thick with sleep, "Good morning, Beautiful."

"You're poking me."

Goddamn missing filter.

His eyes flew wide open, and he looked down where his body was still rubbing against mine. He wrenched his body away and gracefully toppled over the edge of the chaise. I peer over the side and smiled at him. He was nothing like Demetri.

"Good morning, Handsome."

"Bella, I am so sorry—"

"Forget about it," I said with a shrug. "I'm hungry. Let's grab some breakfast."

He looked relieved and stood, while I made it a point not to stare at the huge tent he was pitching in his jeans. After washing up, he took me to a little bistro that served food he was convinced I would love.

I ordered the Belgian waffles and groaned when Edward ordered an omelet with a side order of seasoned potatoes. When the waiter disappeared, Edward leaned forward and said, "Don't worry, Bella. If you're a good girl, I'll let you have some."

I smiled at his sexy, stupid smirk. Before I could respond his phone chimed, and he dug around in his pocket for it. He looked at the screen and muttered something I couldn't quite hear.

"It's my friend Garrett. Do you mind if I take this really quick?"

What the hell was I going to say—"yes"? I shook my head and sighed when he left the table to talk to his friend. I followed him with my eyes, but I snapped my attention back to the table when I heard someone plop down in Edward's chair.

Of all the fucked up jokes in the world, the funniest was Lauren Mallory sitting across from me in an upscale breakfast bistro. She arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow, and the only thing that stopped me from telling her to get her fucking ass out of Edward's chair, was another waiter bringing mine and Edward's food. Since this waiter wasn't our original, he chirped, "Enjoy the meal," and took off.

To my shock, the blonde bitch sitting across from me had the audacity to start picking at Edward's food. I gritted my teeth when I saw her pop a piece of potato into her mouth. I couldn't understand why I was so territorial over the spuds, but seeing her enjoy potatoes that were promised to me had me clenching my hands into fists as I struggled not to throttle the bitch.

"What do you think you're doing?" I spat out.

"I beg your pardon. I just thought I'd stop by to say 'hello'," she said with a moronic look on her face. I think she was going for innocence, but I wasn't buying it.

"Has he fucked you yet?"

"W-w-w-what the….who do you—"

"That was the best part of our relationship," she said then leaned across the table so no one around could hear what she was about to say. "He used to love to force me to my knees and choke me with his cock. He doesn't look like he's capable of slapping a girl with his dick. Does he? Between you and me, he had a tendency to get a bit rough, especially when he took me up the ass. It was hard to explain the marks he left, if you know what I mean."

It couldn't be true. Edward wouldn't do that. Would he?

I stared at the stupid waffles that were in front of me. It didn't make sense. That wasn't the Edward I knew. She wasn't talking about the man who held me last night. Her Edward didn't kiss me chastely and soothe me when I was upset. He didn't buy me roses and feed me delicious desserts after cooking me dinner. Her Edward wasn't my Edward.

She continued talking, oblivious of my realization, "I guess rough sex isn't new to you. I just wanted you to know, before you came along, I was his dirty little whore."

She smiled in triumph when I winced at her words. Perhaps she thought I was jealous over her previous claim, but the reason for my reaction was the pride she had in being anyone's whore. She really was a stupid bitch. She couldn't possibly understand how wrong her words were.

She looked up and I followed her gaze and saw the angular features of Edward's profile. His eyes were narrowed, and he was working the muscles in his clenched jaw.

Lauren hopped out of his seat and said, "Well, guess it's time to go." She took off, leaving her nauseously sweet scent behind, but not before downing half of Edward's orange juice.

He sat down, and the silence at our table was thick with tension. He opened his mouth to say something, but I stopped him by lifting my hand, and I said, "Don't."

I pushed away from the table and walked out to parking lot to stand next to his car. I couldn't fathom eating breakfast there after that train wreck. She tainted our breakfast with her disgusting words and behavior. I wouldn't have been able to enjoy breakfast there with Edward. Eating after her, knowing she touched what was going into his body. My body shuddered at the thought of sharing anything with that bimbo.

Edward slowly made his way to the car and opened the passenger door for me. While he made his way around the car to the driver's side, I saw him talking to himself and mouth the words "stupid fucker." He calmed down before opening the door and sliding into his seat. I didn't know what to say because I had no clue why he was upset. I assumed he was angry with Lauren for ruining breakfast; that's who I was pissed at.

He headed back to Forks, and after ten minutes Edward broke the silence.

"I'm not proud of the things I've done with her—to her," he said.

I looked over at my personal Adonis in understanding. He was angry with himself, and he was worried I would think less of him after hearing what Lauren said. After all the things I'd been forced to do, how could I judge anybody? I needed to put a stop to his torment.

"Edward, do you want to do… those things to me?"

He whipped his head in my direction with a look of horror on his face and said, "No, God no. I would never treat you the way I treated Lauren. I don't know why she needed me to treat her like that to get off. Toward the end I hated her, and it became easy to treat her the way she craved. The rougher I was, the bigger the asshole I became, the more she got off. I hated the way I felt afterward."

I heard it in his voice. The self-loathing he felt and the shame over his actions reminded me of how I felt after each time I was violated. Used for someone else's pleasure and left with nothing but hatred for what had happened and for the people who caused that self disgust to infect my soul.

"I don't want that for you. I don't want that for us," he whispered. "Bella, if you were mine, I would treat you like the goddess you are."

I stayed quiet. What could I say? He thought I was a goddess, and he wanted me for his own. I marveled that we felt the same for one another. I knew there was attraction between us, but that could be caused by chemicals and pheromones and shit. He saw me in his future, and for some reason it made me as giddy as a school girl.

"Fuck! I didn't mean for that to sound possessive. I would be honored if you wanted to be mine—with me," he finished his outburst through clenched teeth.

I smiled at how awkward Edward was, and I saw the diner I loved so much coming into view. "Pull in here."

I had never been there with Edward. It was always with one of the Cullen women and occasionally Jasper, but never with Edward. He sadly nodded his head and parked in front of the diner. I took his hand and said, "They have great French toast here."

He looked at me in confusion, his green eyes filled with questions, but he couldn't stop the smile taking over his handsome face when he saw my reassuring smile.

He brought my hand up to his mouth and placed a tender kiss on the back of it. "Thank you, Bella."

A/N: As always, thanks for reading and remember— reviews make me happy!