Chapter 14 – Two Little Birdies Sitting in a Tree – KPOV
By the time we arrived at the hospital, Pollux was pretty much, ready to go. He was out of the hospital pajamas and dressed in some clean clothes. When I first walked into the room, I felt butterflies in my belly and I knew it was because of everything I'd spoke to Haymitch about. I tried to act normal and as if my stomach wasn't doing flips inside me, but Pollux still noticed I was off.
"Ka – iss, you okay?" He asked concerned and even though I felt like he'd put me on the spot, I was happier to note his better pronunciation and I smiled widely.
"Yes, I'm fine. You sound great." I complimented and saw his cheeks turn slightly pink, before he signed Thank You.
"Hey now, how's about you use your words and no more signing?" Haymitch spoke up with a chuckle and I saw Pollux give him a small smile.
It took me a moment, but I realized why Haymitch's words struck me uneasily. It was because even though I already loved the sound of Pollux speaking, however brokenly… seeing him sign was what I'd known from him for so long. It was also all he'd known for even longer. I didn't much like the idea of never seeing him use his hands, only because it was easier for some people.
"Leave him alone, Haymitch. It's not his fault you couldn't learn sign language properly. It's his second nature and you shouldn't make him feel less for it. Besides, I like seeing him use his hands and being expressive… it's how I got to know him so well, after all." I spoke to Haymitch while Pollux and I were looking at each other as I spoke.
Pollux smiled gratefully at me and signed Thank You, to me again.
The flips in my belly returned full force and I had to make myself to look away, in hopes of hiding the blush in my cheeks. In doing so, I looked towards Haymitch and saw he'd been watching my interaction with Pollux. When he saw me look at him, he gave me a thumbs up behind Effie's back where I could see, and a not so subtle wink. I suddenly realized that he'd intended for me to come to Pollux's defense, and I'd played right into it. I should have been mad at Haymitch, but Pollux's response to my comments made it worth it, so I smiled back at Haymitch.
"Well, it certainly looks as though you're ready to go now. Is there anything that still needs to be done?" Effie asked Pollux.
"No … I'm … rea - ee ooh go. Nurse… came by… awe – ee." He replied and we understood perfectly.
Haymitch and Effie walked out of the room as Pollux reached into a small drawer by the bed. He pulled out some papers and a medicine bottle. Realizing he didn't have a bag to carry them in, I reached my hand out, expected him to hand them over, so I could put them in my shoulder bag.
Imagine my surprise when he tucked the folded papers into his back pocket and grabbed onto my hand, while holding the pills in his other hand. It was so unexpended that I just stood there looking at his hand holding mine for a moment, before looking up to his face. He was looking at me with a beautiful smile and a raised eyebrow, as if asking if it was okay. After I forced myself to ignore the flutter in my tummy and accelerated heartbeat, I nodded with a smile. He tightened his grip on my hand for a moment, then tugged me out of the room.
We reached the elevator where Haymitch and Effie stood waiting, and I saw Effie notice my hand being held by Pollux. She quickly looked away like she hadn't noticed. Still, I caught her slightly nudge Haymitch and not subtly enough tilt her head in my direction. Eventually, Haymitch leaned enough to see what she wanted him to see, and he just chuckled quietly. I was mortified to see that Pollux had also noticed their assessment, but I relaxed when he laughed it off. We each stood there in awkward silence waiting for the elevator. Only the gentle rubbing of Pollux's thumb kept me from moving an inch and I found myself relaxing to the feel of it.
Eventually, the elevator doors opened and there was my mother. She smiled in surprise when she noticed us about to get in. Some sort of instinct made me want to release Pollux's hand, but he held on to me, not letting me. I instantly looked at him in question, but he was facing ahead and smiling at my mom.
"I was just coming by to see you, Pollux. You're leaving already?" She asked happily.
"Yes. I'm… ou-wa here." Pollux replied, just as happily and we all got on the elevator next to my mom.
"Great, well I'm officially off duty and headed home myself. You all are leaving tomorrow morning right?" She asked, sounding a tad disappointed.
"Yeah. We expect to arrive in Four early enough the next morning. I want to help Annie set up for Finn's party." I replied truthfully.
She turned to look at me and apparently noticed for the first time, that my hand was being held by Pollux. She stared at our hands, then looked up and smiled at us but didn't speak for a moment. Then, she turned her attention to Effie.
"Effie, were you able to find all you were looking for with Cinna?" Mom asked Effie, and effectively turning her attention away from Pollux and I.
I looked to Pollux curiously, but he just shook his head with a shrug and continued to smile at me. His eyes were drawing me in, almost as if trying to speak to me. I stood there letting the pull take over as I felt his thumb rubbing circles on my hand. I ignored any fear I felt bubbling beneath the surface and loved every second of it.
I looked into his eyes, memorizing the different flecks in them. I took note of his stubble growing back along the sides of his face and chin. Then, my eyes were drawn to his lips. The same lips that felt so soft on my fingertips, the last time I secretly touched them. I looked back up to his eyes and realized he was looking towards my mouth. I doubt he is thinking of kissing me like I was thinking of kissing him, but I hope he might be. His eyes looked back to mine and I felt like I was holding my breath.
"You two coming, or you going for another ride in the elevator?" Haymitch suddenly asked, breaking us of our staring spell.
I took a deep breath and pulled my head away from Pollux. I turned to see Haymitch wearing a smirk while holding the elevator doors open. Mom and Effie appeared to be forcing themselves to look away and trying to keep straight faces, but were each failing miserably. I looked back at Pollux and realized we were facing each other and standing much closer to one another, than when we'd gotten on the elevator. He sighed and took a step back from be and tugged on my hand and I followed him off the elevator. I vaguely noticed Mom, Effie and Haymitch snickering like idiots as I passed them but I couldn't bring myself to care. I felt like I was floating along, only held to the ground by his hand holding mine.
Had he been about to kiss me? – I wondered to myself and felt like I might just fly away.
Pollux released my hand to help me climb into the back seat of the car, but reclaimed it once he sat beside me. My mother sat in the back with us, on my other side. Effie rode shot gun, while Haymitch drove us back to Mom's house. I felt the warmth of his body pressed along my side and I had to try to keep a level head about myself. I didn't want to embarrass myself but I felt like I needed to know what had spurred this new activity of hand holding.
Could it possibly mean he had feelings for me, or was he just being his regular friendly self – I wondered but needed to know.
I swallowed and slowly removed my hand from his, while looking at his face. He frowned curiously at me, and I began to sign to him.
"Is this going to be a regular occurrence for us? The holding hands, I mean?" I asked him with my hands.
He brightened for a moment when he saw I had released him in order to sign, but then shot me an apprehensive look and replied using sign language as well.
"Does it bother you? You do not like it?" He asked me, looking worried.
I shook my head and saw him frown again and I realized how he'd interpreted my response, so I corrected him.
"No, it doesn't bother me." I signed with a small smile, turning his frown into a small in return.
"Do you like it?" He signed back, looking adorably hopeful and making me wonder if he could possibly feel for me, the way I did.
"I do like it. Do you like holding my hand too?" I signed with a timid smile as my cheeks warmed, then his smile broadened.
"That's not all I like." He signed with a smirk and held my hand again. I felt the heat start in my hand and then I was hot all over.
He was still smiling at me and I couldn't tear my eyes away if I tried. His words and the feel of him so close to me was burning me from deep within. He was flirting, I realized. More importantly, he was flirting with me and it made me feel giddy. I've never felt giddy before, ever, and I liked it.
"That's not all I like either." I whispered into his ear as I leaned my upper body further into his side, then remained leaning against him as I turned to face forward again like I hadn't just done that.
I knew, rather I felt my words hit their mark when he stiffened and his grip tightened on my hand. I had never felt this brazen or daring before. For all my combat training and everything I'd been through, I had never felt more powerful than in this moment.
I heard him exhale a long breath. He relaxed his grip on my hand and I felt him staring at the side of my face, but I didn't turn in his direction. Then, he maneuvered our hands so our fingers were interlocked. I'd never held hands this way with anyone and it felt like a significant difference so I smiled, but continued looking forward at nothing in particular. He must have seen me smile and felt okay with my lack of response, because next thing he did was bring our joined hands to rest upon his lap, instead of the small gap that remained between us on the seat.
He's trying to kill me … And … I think I love it – I thought to myself as I barely fought a smile from breaking forth.
Still feeling bold, I wanted to respond to his gesture. I remembered what Haymitch said and hoped he was right, that sometimes boy don't need words and actions might be more effective. With that in mind, I slid my thigh closer to his, effectively closing the small space between us. Then, I rested my head on his shoulder. I felt his body relax and then his chin rested on my head. I felt wonderful and I truly hoped I wasn't misinterpreting his signals.
I was aware that Haymitch, Effie and my mom were most likely witnessing all of our actions while they chatted amongst themselves; just as I was sure they were likely to press me for details later. Yet once again, I couldn't find it within myself to care. I let my eyes fall closed and tuned out their superficial conversations about nothing I could guess, and let myself enjoy this moment with Pollux.
This was the closest I could ever remember feeling with a man, of my own volition. This moment didn't feel pressured by anyone or awkward. It wasn't fueled by trying to persuade sponsors to help me or to convince an evil dictator. This moment was genuine and sweet and I knew in my heart, that I could find true happiness for the rest of my years with this man. I felt him bring his other hand to rest on top of our joined hands, and he began caressing the top of my hand softly. In return, I brought my other hand to rest upon his and caressed his hand as well.
I smiled as I felt the texture of his strong hand. I might be a twenty year old virgin, but I let my mind wander and shamelessly fantasize what it might be like to feel his hands upon other parts of my body. Sure, I'd been kissed before and I did have feelings for another, so long before. But, how I feel for Pollux made me believe kissing him would be different; better. All I could do was hope he and I were really on the same page in regards to our feelings. It feels like my feelings are growing fast and being so close to him this soon, makes me hope this won't blow up in my face.
When the car came to a stop, I opened my eyes in time to see my Mom shoot me a smile before opening the car door to get out. I saw Effie get out without looking towards us, but leave it to Haymitch. He got out the car and flashed us two thumbs up through the window, before following after my mom and Effie into the house. I would have been completely humiliated, if hearing Pollux chuckle and laugh for the first time hadn't distracted me. He saw me looking at him and asked what I was staring at.
"I've never heard you laugh. I love how it sounds." I told him sincerely and he brought one of his hands up to caress my jawline, which made my heart speed up.
"Ka-t-ness." He sighed my name as his eyes drew me in again, just like they had before.
I barely registered that I was leaning forward as he leaned towards me. In no time, I saw his eyes close and I felt mine close too. We were sharing the same breaths but not touching. I wanted to close the barely there distance and kiss him, just as I wanted him to be the one to kiss me. I wanted so much but nothing was happening and I didn't know why. I just knew I couldn't pull away. Being a breath away from his lips was wondrous and it was torture at the same time. I started to worry he'd pull away and deny me.
"Please, Pollux." I heard myself plead in whisper before I was able to stop myself.
He moaned or growled and the sound drove me wild. It was like a snap of a rubber band. Suddenly I felt his hand slide from my jaw past my cheek and into my hair. Pollux brought my head forward, closing the gap between our lips and they were better than I could ever have imagined. They were soft but kissed strongly and so sure. I needed to taste them and peeked my tongue out slightly. This made him growl again and it went straight to my core. I felt him open his lips to me and his tongue came out to lick against mine. It was glorious and I felt like I might explode if I didn't get any air soon but I couldn't pull away from him.
He seemed to be feeling the same as he softly pulled out mouths apart but rested his forehead against mine. We were breathing heavily, trying to catch our breaths really. He was caressing my hair with his hands on either side of my head. I realized I had one and fisting his shirt tightly and the other behind his neck, holding him close.
"Wow" I managed to whisper in between breaths.
"Yeah … wow" He replied with his voice, then pulled away to signed the rest.
"I really just kissed you, and I tasted your lips. I never could have kissed you like that without my tongue back ... And you, you kissed me back!" He marveled as he signed to me, which made me giggle.
"It was amazing… But, we should probably get inside before they come out looking for us." I told him reluctantly.
"They've probably been spying through the windows." He signed chuckling and we turned to see the shades moving like someone had indeed been spying.
We laughed as he got out of the car, and he interlocked our fingers again as we walked to the door. Just before going inside, he paused and turned to me.
"I think we should discuss what this means for us, going forward. People are going to ask and it will be awkward to have to define things for people, before we've had a chance to discuss it between us." He signed and I nodded in agreement.
"You're right. So, what do you think it means? Or rather, what would you like it to mean?" I asked him.
"I hope it means that you have feelings for me… like I do for you too. I would like it to mean that you're willing see if we can try to build a relationship between us." He signed with that same adorable hopeful look of his, and my heart soared.
"So, you have feelings for me too?" I asked and he nodded with a smile, which made me throw my head back in a happy joyous laugh.
"I -ove … your -augh -oo." He spoke with a fond smile, when I looked back at him, he stepped closer to me.
This time, I knew it was coming and I was excited and ready for it, when he grazed his lips against mine gently. I tried to deepen the kiss, but he'd pulled away quicker than I would have liked.
"Do you think you're ready? Are you willing to give a relationship a chance?" He asked with sign language.
"Hell yes!" I exclaimed with a laugh and pulled him back to me by his shirt, and he eagerly complied.
The abrupt movement caused him to fall into me, and I bumped up against the wall beside the door. We never broke our kiss and the wall worked out well to support me, since I felt my knees go weak as he continued to kiss me so passionately. I felt almost out of control as I hungrily returned his kisses, and I felt my desire growing within me as his body pressed against mine. As we ran out of air, his mouth slid to my cheek and then towards my neck below my ear. His hands holding at me from my waist while his body was pushing me against the wall. His kissed were hot and wanting. I felt fire igniting and burning through me, making me feel like we'd both combust at this rate.
"Well, now … Come on inside kids, before you give the entire neighborhood a show." I suddenly heard Haymitch's voice beside us… too close for comfort.
I felt like freezing water had been thrown at us, and we abruptly pulled apart. I saw Haymitch had opened the house door right next to where Pollux and I were standing. He was wearing a big smirk and held the door open for us go follow him inside. I looked to Pollux and saw he was smiling widely.
"My lovely girlfriend and I will be right in." He signed slowly to Haymitch with a very satisfied look upon his face, and I saw Haymitch's confused face.
"All I got was 'girlfriend', so I'll congratulate you on that for now… then we'll talk." Haymitch told him, then made a signal pointing his fingers to his eyes, then back at Pollux.
I'm sure he meant to be intimidating, but I could tell Haymitch was holding back a laugh and I'd like to think he was happy for me. I turned back to Pollux and rested my forehead against his chest for a moment and breathed him in.
"Girlfriend, huh? Does that make you my boyfriend?" I asked and felt him tug my head up.
When I looked up he nodded at me and signed "As long as you'll have me."
I only smiled in response, keeping to myself that forever sounded pretty good to me. I leaned in and pecked his lips and took hold of his hand, ready to head inside and face the firing squad as a united front.He tugged me back and I looked back at him.
"Remind me to call for a car service to take me to a hotel after dinner." He signed, making me tap my forgetful head.
"Actually, I've prepared the guest room for you… If you'd like to stay that is. Oh, and I hope you're not upset, but I took advantage of Moms laundry machine and got your clothes all cleaned up before our trip tomorrow." I replied and saw him think about it for a few seconds, before nodding.
"You didn't have to do that, but thank you so much. My beautiful girl thinks of everything." He signed and I blushed.
"Come on, lets go." I said and tugged him to come inside, but felt him tug on me again.
This time when I turned back to him, he surprised me by planting a deep kiss on my lips. It stunned me and made me feel like gelatin, and then he moved past me to tug me inside like he hadn't just tuned me into a puddle of a girl.
I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love with this boy – the thought ran through my head.
We went inside to see Mom and Effie sitting on the couch, looking a little too innocently. Haymitch, on the other hand was lazily sitting on the couch clicking channels on the TV. I ignored all of them and told Pollux to follow me, so I could show him to the guest room he'd be staying in. As we passed them and neared the stairs, we could hear Effie and my mom laughing loudly and I was sure it was at me and Pollux.