A/N: Sorry it's been ages since I updated… I had no inspiration for weeks, and then I got some like the day before I left for my trip…. I've been writing when I can for the last 2 weeks, but now I will have regular access while I stay in England for a week. (Regular access doesn't mean regular updates, but more time to write if I get inspiration) I should have a lot coming up though…. This is going to get a bit dark I reckon. Hopefully that's not a problem for anyone… Enjoy!!

Chapter 14: Habits and Helping

Reid's shower was relatively uneventful. He managed to keep his dressings dry with the help of some plastic wrap, and the only difficulty was trying not to raise his left arm up to shampoo his hair. It wasn't hurting yet, but he knew with one wrong move it would. His mind was preoccupied with trying to figure out when his next dose could be taken, and which would come first, the pain or the withdrawal. Probably the pain.

It felt good to finally have his hair cleaned and fluffy once again. He felt refreshed, and the rest of the afternoon found him still in his housecoat and pyjama bottoms sitting in his chair with a book in his hand and a smile on his face. Gideon sat opposite him, also with a book, and was reading contently, glancing up at Reid every so often and smiling. Reid's rapid eye movements across the page and constant smile were a welcome sight compared to the previous day's anger and angst.

Gideon glanced up once more, still smiling, though Reid eyes had stopped their movement. He returned to his book, glancing up again moments later. Reid was still not reading at light speed, and Gideon couldn't be sure he'd even turned the page in the last 5 minutes. Gideon returned to his book once more, but now he was finding it hard to concentrate. The next time he glanced up and noticed the situation hadn't changed, and Reid's eyes were still unfocussed on the page, he spoke, "Spencer, are you alright?"

Reid blinked a couple times, and looked up from the page, "Hmm? Yeah I'm fine."

"You've been on the same page for at least 10 minutes." Gideon countered.

"I have?" he shook his head. "Sorry, I've just been trying to block it out."

"Block what out?"

"The pain that's been starting to creep up…" he paused , chewing on his lower lip for a moment before continuing, "and this little nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me the solution to the problem is just down the hall."

Gideon nodded understandingly, "So what are you going to do about it?"

Reid paused for a moment, thinking, before closing the book and standing up. He set the book down and started down the hall to his room. As he reached his bedroom door Gideon's voice stopped him in his tracks.

"What are you doing?"

Slowly he turned around to face Gideon, who was standing at the other end of the hall. "Y-you said I was allowed so long as you knew, and monitored it… I thought--"

"Don't you also remember you need a prescription first?" Gideon cut him off.

Reid looked shocked, "But we only talked about that this morning! I haven't even seen a doctor yet! How am I supposed to have a prescription?"

"I don't know, Spencer, but those are the rules, so you'd better see to arranging that first." Gideon's tone remained smooth and calm as he took his phone off his belt and held it out for Reid.

Reid jaw had dropped, and he stared at Gideon for a few moments before giving in and walking back down the hall toward him to take the phone. He made it very clear with his actions, as he snatched the phone from Gideon's hand, that he wasn't pleased, but he didn't say a word, knowing he couldn't win the argument. He dialled the number from memory and then held the phone to his ear. "Yes, I'd like to make an appointment to see Dr. Lapin, please… Today, please, as soon as possible… Yes, I know its short notice. I'm sure you can squeeze me in… Is there anyone else that can see me?… Excellent! When?… Sounds good… Reid, R-E-I-D… Spencer… Yes. Thank you." He disconnected the call and handed the phone back to Gideon who was giving him a questioning look. "In 2 hours." he smiled a satisfied smile. "I'm going to go get dressed."

Reid stood, dressed in his usual fashion, at his apartment door. His arm was in its sling again and he was facing Gideon with annoyance spread throughout his features. "I can go by myself! I'm not a child, and I don't appreciate being treated like one. I don't need you to hold my hand while I go visit my doctor." He closed his eyes and took a breath before letting it out hard and looking at Gideon again, "Look, I know you want to help, but it feels like you don't trust me. I can walk to the doctor's and back on my own. I've done it before, many times. You're smothering me, Gideon. Just let me get some fresh air, on my own, please."

Gideon sighed and stepped back, "It's not that I don't trust you, I'm just worried. I nearly lost you the other day; I don't want that to happen again."

Reid cracked a smile, "Fine, I promise I won't get shot again. Now will you let me go? I have my phone if you need me."

Gideon nodded, "Alright, okay, go. Just don't be long."

"I'll be back before you know it." Reid smiled, and then opened the door and left. The walk to the doctor's wasn't an exciting one, a few blocks north, and a couple more east. He stepped into the small waiting room and up to the receptionist's desk. He gave his name with a smile and then took a seat to wait. It wasn't long before he was called into the room. He sat on the exam bed/table and gave the doctor a small smile.

"So, Spencer, what brings you in today?" The doctor, Dr. Gardez, took a seat on a rolling swivel chair.

Reid looked down at his arm, "I was shot. I just wanted something for the pain."

"May I?" Dr. Gardez pointed to Reid's arm.

Reid nodded, unbuttoned his shirt one-handed, moved the fabric back away from the dressing, and allowed Gardez to manipulate his arm and shoulder, causing him to wince and hiss in pain with every tweak. He gritted his teeth and tried to hold it in without too much luck. Finally he snapped, "Okay, you can stop now!"

Gardez pulled away with a frown, "Why weren't you given anything from the doctor that discharged you at the hospital?"

Reid shrugged, he wasn't sure of the exact reason, only what he speculated, "I'd had an adverse reaction to the morphine due to another drug I was taking at the time. I assume he figured I already had painkillers I could take."

"And do you?"

"No, not currently. I've taken Dilaudid in the past, so I was thinking you could prescribe that. I know I won't have a problem with it."

Gardez shook his head, "I'm afraid I can't do that, Spencer."

"What? Why not?" Reid asked, the shock obvious.

"While it is undeniable you're in significant pain-"

"No thanks to you." Reid mumbled.

"-I can't prescribe you such a heavy painkiller with this doubt."

"Doubt about what?"

"Your intentions, Spencer. Unless I can be 100percent sure you're not just 'Doctor Shopping' to get a prescription painkiller to use illegally, I can't give it to you."

"Why would you think something like that!?"

"Why shouldn't I? There had to have been a better reason than that, that your doctor hadn't given you the painkiller. You didn't remove your shirt, and thus won't show the insides if your arms. And you're quite moody. I'm very sorry Spencer, but this just isn't something I can do for you." Gardez stood, as Reid frowned and buttoned his shirt. "Have a good day, Spencer."

Reid walked out of the clinic with a frown on his face. That had been a setback he certainly wasn't expecting. He paced in front of the doors for a few moments trying to think of what to do. Gideon had his rules set firmly in place, so there was no way he could go back to his apartment and try to negotiate. He continued to pace before an idea formed slowly in his head and made him pause. It wasn't the greatest of plans, and he felt guilty just thinking about it, so going through with it wouldn't be easy; however he could see no option.

He unclipped his phone from his belt and pressed '7' then waited. After one ring he was met with silence. He swallowed hard and answered the silence with his identification word, "Dilaudid."

The chuckle that met his ears made him cringe, "Back so soon? I thought you had enough to sustain you for a while."

"I-I do, but there's been a change in plans..."

"Ahhh, and what is it?"

"Y-you can make this seem legit right? Like if I were to ask you if you could print my phials with my name and prescription info, you could do it. And have them delivered in pharmacy bags and everything?" Reid couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth.

"And what makes you think I can do something as extravagant as that?" his dealer asked.

"Because you seem to be all powerful... I don't see why you couldn't"

"Mmmhmm, and you're right, I could... But it'll cost you."

"How much?" Reid asked.

"Another 30 per phial."

"Deal." Reid replied without hesitation.

"Hmmm," the dealer mused, "I should have said 50... Now what's your full name and information?"

"You already know so much about me, you should know that!"

"And I do..." the smirk was almost audible, "I just wanted to see how much you would willingly divulge. I suppose you need these phials right away?"

"Yes, as soon as possible."

"I'll call you when they're ready."

"T-thank you." he felt a little awkward thanking a drug dealer, but it seemed appropriate.

"Trust me, it's my pleasure." The line was disconnected.

Reid sighed and chewed on his lower lip before deciding that he shouldn't take much longer or Gideon would get worried. He clipped his phone back onto his belt as he started walking back to his apartment. It wasn't long before he was standing in front of his door looking at the number. The thought crossed his mind that maybe he should move. His dealer knew where he lived, it would be safer to move, but chances are it wouldn't help. He'd just find his house again. With a sigh he turned the handle and let himself in.

Gideon quickly appeared at the end of the hall. Noticing Reid had nothing in his hand he frowned, "You couldn't get any?"

Reid swallowed and thought fast, "Erm, no not yet. I've dropped my prescription off but it may be a day or two before I get it. They'll call. There's a hold on heavy drugs like that, apparently some people use them illegally and sell them on the street." Reid shrugged his good shoulder nonchalantly, walking down the hall as he went.

Gideon frowned deeper at his tone, "You shouldn't joke about that."

"Why not? It won't do us any good to be overly serious about it. What's done is done." Once again Reid shrugged his good shoulder. "I'm going straight now, nothing illegal, so what's the problem?" Reid was surprised at how easy it was to lie now that he'd gotten some practice in. It just rolled off his tongue like it was what it was supposed to be.

"Nothing, I just don't think you should take it so lightly." Gideon replied.

"Well how else should I take it? Should I be completely apologetic and on my knees begging for forgiveness? That won't get us anywhere. You already know I never meant for it to go that way, what more can I say? I just want to move on past that, okay?"

Gideon still frowned but nodded. "Okay, so what do we do until you get the prescription?"

Reid shrugged, "I was going to leave that up to you. I'm sure you know what I would like, but that goes against your rules, so it's your choice." Reid smiled weakly. His shoulder was throbbing but it was fairly easy to ignore for the time being, though he wasn't sure how long that would last. Ignoring it earlier had actually made it go away, or perhaps he'd actually managed to block it out. Either way it had been welcome at the time, but now it was wearing off. Gideon was still mulling over the thought so Reid spoke again, "I'm going to go lay down for a few." He smiled weakly and when Gideon gave him a tight lipped smile and a nod, he turned back down the hall and entered his bedroom closing the door behind him.

Gideon mulled over the new information; Reid now had a prescription, but no painkillers in hand. Gideon moved to take a seat on the sofa and return to the coffee he'd left when he heard the door open. He supposed Reid could take what he had on supply now; he sipped the coffee; just to tide him over until the prescription comes through. He didn't like the idea that they were illegal drugs though. His frown deepened as he continued to ponder what he should tell Reid.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed before he actually came to a decision. Slowly he raised his weary body off the couch and started down the hall. He knocked on the door and waited -- no response. He knocked again – no response. He frowned and swallowed the lump rising in his throat. Slowly he reached for the handle and turned the knob. The next step was opening the door, which he was finding difficult. He didn't want to intrude; he was also afraid of what he'd find. Slowly, though, he pushed it open and found the room dimly lit; the touch lamp on the side table on the lowest setting.

Reid was sitting on the edge of his bed staring at the opposite wall. The light was on the other side of him causing his profile to be silhouetted. Gideon's form blocked the hall light so all he could see was a shadowed form. Gideon called his name, and still got to reply, not even a blink as far as he could tell. He stepped deeper into the room to get a better look at Reid. What he could see in the dim light and shadows was pure agony. Reid's jaw was clenched tight, his brow furrowed, his eyes looked pained, and there was a sheen of sweat covering his whole face. As Gideon looked closer he noticed Reid's lower lip was pulled between his teeth and being bitten down on hard.

"Reid what's wrong?" Gideon asked crouching in front of him. Reid shifted his eyes to him but didn't do or say anything more.

Gideon frowned, "It hurts, doesn't it?" Reid nodded the smallest of nods, a small tear in his eye. The nod was just a slight incline of the head that would have been missed in less light. Gideon nodded back, "I'll help," he replied. Seeing Reid hurting like this only confirmed what he'd worked out moments before.

"Where is it?" he asked. Reid moved his eyes in the direction the phials were located and Gideon collected them. "What else?" he asked. Reid moved his eyes to the tourniquet location, and then the syringes. "Is that all?" Reid blinked once, for 'yes'. Obviously the slight nod had been too much motion too close to his shoulder.

Gideon grabbed the tourniquet and carefully pushed up Reid's right sleeve before tying his arm off. He grabbed the needle and inserted it into the phial before asking, "How much?" Reid's hands were clenched in fists on the blankets, but he managed to uncurl 2 fingers. Gideon drew out 2cc's and then took Reid's right wrist to hold it still.

He lowered the needle towards Reid's soft skin, and then paused. Looking up into Reid's eyes he couldn't ignore the pleading look it held for him to just get it over with. He took in a breath and held it as he pierced the skin. He didn't let it out until all of the substance had entered Reid's veins. Gideon set the needle aside and pulled the tourniquet off his arm just as Reid's head started tipping back. As the rush of drugs hit his system Reid's eyes continued the same way his head was going.

Gideon got an arm around his back and carefully supported him, so he didn't fall, until he was lying down. Gideon lifted Reid's legs onto the bed and then pulled the covers up halfway so he wouldn't get too hot fully clothed. When he looked back at Reid's face he had already fallen into a drug induced, hopefully painless, sleep. His facial expression had relaxed and he looked completely at peace for the moment. Gideon wished that peaceful expression would cross his youngest colleague's face when he was awake and sober, but that would be a long time coming, if it ever happened at all.

He touched the lamp 3 times till it went dark. He heard Spencer make a noise as the room was plunged into darkness. He reached over and stroked his hair and cheek shushing him, "It's alright, Spencer. You're safe in your room. You're always safe here." The little whimpers didn't stop though until Gideon touched the lamp again creating the soft glow. Reid stirred in his sleep but didn't wake. His expression contained the same peaceful look, but whatever was going on inside that drug induced sleep was not a peaceful one without a light on.

With a sigh Gideon silently excused himself from the room, and return to the living room where he stared at his empty coffee mug and contemplated his actions.

A/N: Poor Spence…. It's only gonna get worse from here…. Cheers!!