In the past, all three of them had gotten along very well. Or, rather, all six of them. Grob Gob Glob Grod, Magic Man, and Margles. Grob Gob Glob Grod looked after their little brother. All they ever wanted was to see him happy. And Margles made Magic Man happy, happier than a brother ever could. Those two went off together, Magic Man casting those spells and delighting her with his magic and sometimes music, and Grob Gob Glob Grod knew they were happy. And sometimes, Magic Man and Margles would stay home and include Grob Gob Glob Grod in their activities.
Those days were special to Grob Gob Glob Grod, the days he spent with his little brother and the woman who would one day join their family. Grob Gob Glob Grod always suspected that was what their special outing was for that night Magic Man took Margles to Olympus Mons; to ask for her hand in marriage. They'd always talked about that place, Margles and Magic Man, how great it would be to see how high they could make it up the tallest mountain in the solar system. It was sort of their special thing, always talking about "what if, what if." When they finally set off to do it, it only made sense that the trip was meant to be special in more ways than one.
Grob Gob Glob Grod could clearly remember when Magic Man came back. He'd set off with Margles two days before, packed for a week-long trip. They weren't expecting them back for another five days when the door to the Martian home where Grob Gob Glob Grod lived and Magic Man squatted flew open and, lo and behold, there was Magic Man.
"Back so early?" Gob asked as they went to greet their brother by the door. They were very surprised to see their brother back so soon, especially in the state that he was in: alone, his clothes torn, his arms and knees cut and scabbed, palms sliced open, filthy, and missing all of the gear he had gone out with.
Magic Man waved a bleeding hand. "Yeah."
Grob Gob Glob Grod was drying their hands with a towel. "Oh, wow, what happened?" asked Glob as he handed to towel to Magic Man.
"What's going on?" Grob flipped their head around and looked at Magic Man. "Hey, what happened to you?"
"Why are you back so soon?" asked Grod.
"Where's Margles?"
Magic Man pushed past Grob Gob Glob Grod and headed to his room. Grob Gob Glob Grod followed. "Magic Man?"
"The trip ended early," said Magic Man lightly.
"Why?"
"Where's Margles?" Gob asked again.
"She's dead."
Grob Gob Glob Grod stopped and swayed on the spot. They felt like someone had hit them right in the gut, which had to have been only a thousandth of what Magic Man was feeling right now. "Dead- wait, what happened?" Grob Gob Glob Grod caught up.
"She fell."
Grob Gob Glob Grod grabbed Magic Man's shoulder. "Magic Man, wait. Talk to me."
Magic Man pulled his shoulder out of his brother's grip. "Don't touch me, lemon pants." He picked up his pace. "I have somewhere to be."
"Wait, lemon pants?"
Magic Man went into the basement where his room was and closed the door behind himself. Grob Gob Glob Grod stood on the other side, debating internally whether or not to open the door and follow him or give him the space he so clearly needed.
Grob Gob Glob Grod did give him space. He let Magic Man stew by himself for several days before he came out on his own time. When he did, he was completely different. Or, rather, he was exactly the same as he had always been, which is not something you should be after going through such a life-altering event. Worse than that, he was unreachable.
The more time that went by, the less certain Grob Gob Glob Grod was of what to do about it. So they allowed events to unfold in their own way. They let the events unfold as Magic Man steadily grew worse and worse, until he had gone from an obnoxious but lovable nuisance to a full-blown Martian plague. Then he was banished to Earth.
The people of Mars were out for blood. Magic Man must pay. It was Grob Gob Glob Grod's job to to make certain he did. But they could not ignore the thought that this was all happening because they'd failed their brother.
They remained on Mars, isolating themselves from the other people. For as long as they could they held off on going to retrieve the real Magic Man. Once again, they waited for the problem to sort itself out by doing nothing and allowing events to unfold.
Back in Ooo, Magic Man was half-listening to Ephermelda talking about her upcoming wedding. They were back on track for Wish Mountain, making up for lost time. And after reuniting with her father, Ephermelda seemed to be able to talk of nothing except the wedding and who her husband might be.
"I hope he's handsome," she said idly, twirling her finger around her antenna.
"M-hmm," said Magic Man.
"I don't want to sound shallow, you know, but most fairy men are just plain handsome, and I don't want to end up married to someone who turns out to be the only duck in a city of swans. I bet he's brave and noble, though. Going on a quest, I mean, now that's exciting. Probably he'll have a lot of interesting stories to tell. I'd hate to have a husband and nothing to talk about with him. Could you imagine if I married someone who was, I don't know, a vanilla old businessman? 'Ooh, hello Ephermelda, I have the most delightful stories to tell you about debits and credits. It all begins with the accounting ledger, you see...' booo-riiiing!" She tugged on Magic Man's sleeve. "Hey, am I boring you? Because I want to be boring you."
"I'm not really listening," he said, brushing his sleeve. "Does it look like rain to you?"
Ephermelda looked up and saw that the sky was dark and overcast, threatening the land below with a storm. "It does," she replied. "Think we should take up shelter?"
"I'm not gonna," said Magic Man. "You can do whatever."
And they didn't, at first. Soon, though, the sky got darker and more ominous. Still, the travelers weren't bothered until the first knife fell right in front of Magic Man, skimming his nose.
"Knife storm," said Ephermelda casually.
Magic Man looked downright insulted. "I thought I was the only one who could make it rain knives."
"Still wanna tough it out?"
Another knife fell straight down and embedded itself in Magic Man's shoulder. "... Nah."
Ephermelda squinted and scanned the horizon. "There's a cave." She pointed.
"Shall we run?"
"Let's."
Magic Man grabbed Ephermelda and stuffed her into his backpack, where she wouldn't be skewered by knives that were as big as she was. Then he took off running in the direction of the cave, the full force of the knife storm building behind them. They made it to shelter just in time, Magic Man only skidding to a halt once they were fully indoors. "That was a close one," said Magic Man, out of breath.
Ephermelda threw open the flap of Magic Man's bag and sucked in the musty cave air, then made awful heaving noises as she pulled herself out of the backpack. "Holy hex, man," she said through coughs. "How do you stand carrying this crepe around on your back! It's like a toxic waste mine in there! And it smells like moldy feet that died!"
"Hey, I don't complain about your ponytail," said Magic Man.
Ephermelda's hands flew up to her head. "What's the matter with my ponytail?" Then she noticed his shoulder. "Uh, Magic Man? You got a little something..." She brushed her own left shoulder.
"Here?" Magic Man brushed his right shoulder.
"No."
Magic Man brushed a different part of the same shoulder. "Did I get it?"
"No, your other shoulder."
"Oh. Here?"
"A little closer to the neck."
His hand brushed the knife.
"Yes! There!"
"Oh!" He pulled out the knife and let out a quick scream. Then: "Is it gone?"
"Uh... yeah." She waited for him to act. When he just stood there, she ventured to say, "Uh... are you gonna... I mean... are you okay?"
"Yeah, why? Hey, look!" He pointed. "There's a house in here!"
Ephermelda turned around to see. "Who builds a house in a cave?"
"I'm hungry," said Magic Man. "Maybe there's food inside."
"Yeah... or, um, a first aid kit?"
Magic Man ignored her and went up to the house. It had a nice back porch with some windows looking out. The windows were dark, indicating no one was home. Magic Man tried the door. It was locked. He flicked the doorknob and it melted into a puddle of brass-colored sludge. The door slowly swung open.
Magic Man switched on the lights. "Yoo hoo!" he sang. "Anyone home?" The door lead into a nice living room, cozy and lived-in but not messy. Whoever was living here seemed to have gone out.
"I don't think we should," said Ephermelda.
Magic Man waved his hand dismissively. "Ah, it'll be fine."
"Oh. Okay, then."
He wandered from the living room into the kitchen and made a beeline for the fridge. It was mostly empty, to his disappointment. The only food inside was an apple, a few cherries, and a pitcher of fruit punch. "Slim pickings," he said. Still, he took out the apple and started eating.
Ephermelda took a cherry. "Maybe whoever lives here went to get groceries," she suggested as she ate.
"If that's the case, they'll be gone for a while." Magic Man went back into the living room and flopped down on the red couch, putting his feet up on the table.
"Yeah, but we don't know when he or she left." Ephermelda sat on the back of the couch next to Magic Man.
"So? We still got time. No one can bring groceries home in a knife storm."
"I guess." She kicked her feet and nudged his shoulder with her toes. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, why?"
Magic Man was so hungry he ate the whole apple, core, stem, and all. He also finished off Ephermelda's cherry pit and stem, after he asked, "Are you gonna eat that?" and got only a strange look in response. Then he settled back, folded his hands over his stomach, and tipped his hat down over his eyes.
"Don't go to sleep," Ephermelda warned.
"I won't," he said, and then he clearly did.
It was quiet for a while, but eventually the sound of someone approaching came floating through the cave. Ephermelda nudged Magic Man's head. "Magic Man? Magic-"
He was standing up in an instant. "You be the bulb," he hissed as he grabbed Ephermelda. Then he dove into a corner and transformed into a floor lamp, holding her in the socket. Her fairy glow looked like a night light setting.
Many seconds passed before the door opened. In floated Marceline the Vampire Queen, her bass guitar strapped across her back. She looked as if she'd had no trouble traveling through the knife storm. She looked around, seeing all the lights that Magic Man and Ephermelda had turned on. "Hello?" she called suspiciously. Then she bent over and inspected the melted doorknob. "That's funny..."
Lamp Magic Man snickered.
"Magic Man!" Ephermelda warned under her breath.
"What?" Magic Man whispered back defensively. "It is funny."
Marceline looked around. "Who's there? Finn? Jake? Are you guys in my closet again?"
When she got no answer, Marceline floated into the kitchen. Magic Man heard the fridge door open, and then slam shut. "Who ate my dinner!" she shouted. Then she stormed back into the living room, her body twisted into the shape of an angry wolf.
She sniffed the air, then began sniffing around the room. Vampires have an incredibly good sense of smell, and wolves doubly so, so it didn't take her long to isolate the scent of a stranger going from the back door to the fridge, then to the couch.
"Who's in here?" she snarled, following the scent over to the lamp. By then she had slowly eased back into her normal form, and by the time she was facing the unfamiliar lamp she had no more trace of wolf on her. "I don't remember this lamp," she said.
Ephermelda gulped.
"Wazoo," Magic Man whispered.
The lights in the kitchen exploded. Marceline swung her head around. "What the-?"
Magic Man transformed back into himself, then in an instant he melted into the wall. Ephermelda flitted quickly into the skull hanging on the wall, which was dark enough to swallow her faint glow. Marceline saw the movement out of the corner of her eye, but she didn't see where it came from or where it was heading.
She turned back around to the strange lamp, only to find that the lamp was gone "Whoever's in here better come out," Marceline warned. She went back to the couch, bent over, and looked under.
Magic Man's hand reached out of the wall and pointed at the couch. When Marceline reached her hand under, she felt something strange. Then she pulled out a huge handful of garlic. "Ew!" she yelped as it burned her hand.
From in the skull, Ephermelda caught Magic Man's eye as best she could when he was a wall. She gave a slight shake of the head. Magic Man snickered.
Marceline searched all up and down the house, but she saw neither hide nor hair of an intruder. Magic Man played no more tricks on her while she looked, so by the time she had finished inspecting every nook and cranny, she was beginning to think that whatever it was had gone. Confused and annoyed, she flopped down over the couch.
She floated quietly for a moment gathering herself, then her stomach growled. She rubbed her stomach and frowned. "Guess I'll have to eat what I can find," she said, a hint of disappointment in her voice. She turned over and puckered her lips out to suck the couch dry.
"Magic!" Magic Man's voice was nearly silent, yet full of perk as he flung his spell across the room.
Marceline sipped the couch, then started hacking and spitting. "Argh! Yuck!" she cried, brushing off her tongue. "What?" She examined the couch up and down. It was now blue all over.
"Who's doing this?" Her shout was loud enough to allow Magic Man the luxury of a snicker.
Receiving no answer, she looked up to the red curtains and began to feed. Magic Man flicked another spell and the curtains turned green. "Bleck! Ptoo! Ptoo!" Marceline recoiled in disgust.
Marceline glanced into the kitchen at her appliances. Then she slowly looked around the living room before floating into the kitchen.
Magic Man couldn't see anything in the kitchen from his spot in the wall, and color-changing spells don't work if you don't have a line of sight to what you want to change the color of. Oh so quietly, he stepped out of the wall and tiptoed over to the doorway.
"a-HA!" Quick as a flash, Marceline lunged at Magic Man and slammed him against the wall. "What are you doing in my house?" she demanded.
"Taking shelter from the knife storm, don't kill me!" Magic Man squawked out in surprise.
"You're the one who ate my dinner!"
"I was hungry!" Magic Man said quickly. "I figured you were getting groceries! I didn't think you were depending on that jazz!"
Marceline gritted her teeth. "Then why did you change the color of my furniture while I was eating?"
"I didn't!"
Marceline shoved her knee into the pit of Magic Man's stomach and pinched the nerves at the base of his neck. "Why did you change the color of my furniture?" she demanded again.
"Ahh! Ahh! Ow! Ow! Okay! Okay! I thought it was funny! I'm sorry! Don't kill me!"
"Because of you, I have no dinner!" Marceline said menacingly. Her eyes darted down to his neck, and she slowly smiled.
Magic Man followed her gaze and gulped. "Uh, look, I already have a parasite sucking out my juice. I don't need one sucking out my blood." He moved his hands to push her away.
Marceline grabbed his wrists and slammed his arms against the wall and grinded her knee deeper into his gut. "It's only fair," she said, then let out a sinister laugh.
"Are you gonna kill me, or just turn me into your vampire slave?"
She bared her fangs and slowly brought her mouth to the base of his neck. Magic Man squeezed his eyes shut.
"Chomp!" she said the actual word. "Slurp!" Magic Man felt something cold on his shoulder. "All done."
Marceline released him all at once. Magic Man fell forward onto his hands and knees. His hand went up to his neck, feeling it up and down for the bite marks. When he didn't find them, he dared to look. The blood on his shoulder was now white. It was still dried and clotted where the knife had cut him, only now colorless.
Marceline was laughing differently now, very amused. "You should have seen your face!" she cried gleefully.
Magic Man rubbed his neck and shoulder. "Not funny," he said, pouting.
"Hey, a trick for a trick," said Marceline. "Now we're even." She picked up her guitar and used it to point towards the door. "Now get lost. You don't have to go home but you can't stay here. Go on." Magic Man pulled himself to his feet and shuffled out of the house, metaphorical tail between his legs. "Yeah, you better shuffle," Marceline called after him.
Ephermelda fluttered out of the skull and over to Marceline. "You have a lovely home," she said politely with a curtsey. Then she flew out after Magic Man.
Hi everybody, it's me again, the italic text! Today that I'm posting this Magic Man made his third appearance in the show. Although I'm glad that it didn't spoil this fanfic this time, I am a little disappointed that there wasn't a little more of him. Though how cute was he popping out of the hole like a li'l ol' prairie dog? And how creepy was that, "I'm not coming back."? I hope he was referring to the events in the episode and not talking directly the the fourth wall!
But back to business: I'm getting close to the Point of No Return. I have a few more travels to work in before then, and if you have a request it's now or never. Let me know if there's somewhere you want to see Magic Man end up. I'll let you know when we hit the Point of No Return. I believe we have Ice King x2, Lemongrab, and Duke of Nuts in upcoming chapters.
Let me know what you think of the story. Any words of encouragement will be greatly appreciated, as will constructive criticism. Don't forget, you don't need an account to review me!