I apologize in advance for the short chapter but I don't want to leave this sitting on my hard drive for months on end! I'm working 60+ hour weeks right now so have no idea when I'll have time to write. Please bear with me. Work has to be slowing down soon!
Happy New Year!
Grasping her cell phone in her hands, Amy brings her knees to her chest as the pain of seeing Sheldon's name on her screen hits her full force. She has begged and pleaded with him to let her move on, as difficult as the change will be for the both of them, but Sheldon is clearly not getting the message. Quickly waking up her cell phone and inputting her passcode, Amy brings up the text messaging app, not having it within her to call and hear Sheldon's voice.
"Give me peace, Sheldon. You owe me that much," Amy's text message in reply to his phone call reads.
"Once you love somebody, even if they are no longer in your life, that connection never dies," Meemaw once told him. He's not giving up, not yet, he decides as he quickly types his response and hits send before he can change his mind.
A plan. He needs a plan for how he is going to win Amy back, Sheldon realizes. Retrieving his whiteboards from the closet, he sets them up and gets to work making a list of all of Amy's favorite things on the largest of the whiteboards. Stymied by how to get her to even talk to him again, Sheldon dashes to his laptop at the kitchen table and Googles "how to win my girlfriend back after infidelity."
As he clicks on the first link, Sheldon startles as his cell phone vibrates in his hand and Amy's assigned ringtone blares out from the speakers. He can't help the smile that comes to his face at seeing she's calling. She's talking to me, he sighs in relief. That's a positive first step.
His relief, however, is short-lived as Amy immediately lays into him without a proper greeting.
"I don't owe ANYONE, most especially you, an explanation for taking care of myself," Amy harshly informs him as he hears shuffling while she moves the phone away from her ear and sniffles.
"I never said that you owe me an explanation, Amy," Sheldon softly murmurs into the phone.
"Everything you are, everything you have become, this... this monster... I don't know who you are anymore and that makes me... sad, I suppose is the correct term. When we think of meant to be, we automatically assume "forever." But maybe it isn't supposed to last forever. Maybe it's just someone who is in your life to teach you something. Maybe the forever is not the person, but what we gain from them. I will remember and recover, NOT forgive and forget. I am allowed to walk away from a toxic relationship. I am allowed to walk away from someone who hurt me in one of the worst ways imaginable. I am allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving. Please Sheldon, if you ever loved me..."
"IF? Amy, I love you. I loved you long before I admitted it to myself. Why won't you even attempt to save us?" He whispers.
"US died the moment you made the decision to fuck another woman. I hope it was worth it," She bitterly retorts, the vile evident in her voice.
"Of course it wasn't! I can't begin to explain my thought process that led me to make a horrible decision but I realize now that part of it was due to unfulfilled sexual needs," Sheldon quickly replies before mentally facepalming himself for putting his foot in his mouth.
"I was right there, Sheldon. All you had to do is ask! Do you think once a year was easy on me? Do you know how many nights I would lay awake in our bed after you'd fallen asleep hoping you would roll over and hold me or wake up in the middle of the night, unable to control your carnal urges? Night after night, day after day of wondering if I was nothing more than a glorified nanny who you had pity sex with once a year? And then, to top it all off, you want to blame me for you not being able to control yourself?" Amy questions, her voice rising with each accusation.
"I do not blame..."Sheldon attempts.
"Yes. You are. Not once have you accepted fault for any of your transgressions during the course of our relationship, romantic or otherwise," Amy points out.
"I'm bad at love, okay?!" Sheldon snaps as he runs one hand through his hair in frustration.
"Obviously," Amy scoffs.
"But... damn it, Amy, I tried. I tried... for you. For love. Name your price..." He pleads.
"My price, Sheldon, was believing, maybe naively, that come hell or high water or... or zombie apocalypse... you would never betray me. Not like this. I didn't ask you for much..."
"Strongly disagree but go on..." He interrupts.
"But I thought it went without saying that the one thing we expected from each other was complete and total fidelity with regards to our physical intimacy,' Amy questions as she loses the will to continue fighting.
"It did. Whatever you want, it's yours, just please... don't leave me," Sheldon pleads, realizing he's fighting a losing battle.
"Even if I was remotely interested in saving the smoldering remains of our relationship, which, by the way, I'm not... it doesn't matter. I've accepted a position in Paris. I leave tomorrow," she explains.
Silence. Not exactly the reaction Amy expected from Sheldon as the line goes dead, the only sounds their ragged breathing. She watches her phone as the call timer continues to run... tick... tick... tick... with neither of them saying a single word, nor wanting to be the one to break the tenuous silence between them.
"Paris? Paris, France?" Sheldon finally questions at long last, the fear evident in his voice.
"What other Paris is there?" Amy questions, her sarcasm lost on Sheldon.
"Paris, Texas; Paris, Ontario, Canada; Paris, Denmark..." he lists.
"Alright, alright! Paris, France." Amy confirms.
"No," he whispers, "Amy, please, don't go. Please..."
"I have one more thing to say before I wish you farewell, Sheldon. I hope you change... really, truly, to the depths of your soul repent and become a changed man after this. You are selfish, greedy, callous, conniving, immature, and... and the worst mistake I ever made was thinking our break up had changed you. DO NOT contact me again," Amy warns before the line finally goes dead as she disconnects the call.
Giving a single nod of his head, Sheldon quickly pulls up Amy in his contacts list and deletes her before doing the same with the chain of text messages they have sent each other. He brings up his picture gallery next but as the first photo, a selfie Amy coerced him into taking at Big Bear Lake, loads, Sheldon cannot bring himself to delete a single photo. He spends a few minutes flipping through the photos on his phone and is surprised by the number of photos containing his former paramour.
Not able to be alone with his thoughts any longer, Sheldon grabs his wallet and keys from the bowl by the door and slams the door shut as he exits.