DESPAIR
The late afternoon sun reflected off the windows of Atlanta's abandoned skyscrapers. A couple years previous they had been home to offices and apartments. People would live their working and private lives behind the glass of those windows as they went about their day to day routines. The buildings were empty shells. Artefacts belonging to a civilization that had long since disappeared. On street level, the roads that were once filled with busy traffic and the streets that were once filled with bustling crowds were now silent. The only crowds that wandered the streets were the undead.
In the parking lot of Grady Memorial Hospital, a rare crowd of living people had gathered together. The only sound that filled the air around them was painful sobbing. Daryl stood in front of them with Beth's lifeless form in his arms. Blood trickled out of her hair and splashed softly on the ground while Daryl's tears splashed softly on her clothes. Maggie had collapsed to the floor sobbing with Glenn holding onto her in an attempt to comfort her. Carl was cuddled into Jason's chest, his tears soaking the top of Jason's shirt. Rick rubbed his son's back as his own tears stung at his eyes. Michonne stood over them and though she didn't cry all her warrior strength was gone from her face. Carol leaned against Tyreese as she struggled to stand with her injuries and the weakness of her legs that increased with each tear.
Those who didn't know Beth, such as Abraham and his group didn't cry but maintained a respectful silence. They understood how important Beth had been to the group and how devastating her death was. They understood because each one of them had lost someone close to them before. The sun was starting to set in the sky as if it was being pushed down by the heavy emotions that consumed the air.
"I don't mean to be insensitive but it's gonna be dark soon." Abraham finally spoke up to break the silence. "So we need to move."
"We need time to mourn." Glenn retorted, looking up from hugging Maggie.
"I respect that but not in a city filled with the dead." Abraham countered.
"I know a place." Rick told them gruffly as he stood up.
The others looked at him. None of them could think of where that place could be as they were homeless after the church had been overrun with walkers. Rick, despite the redness of his eyes, became a pillar of strength again and displayed his usual leader's confidence. Nothing more needed to be said. The group would be split between the fire truck and the van and Rick would lead them to the place he knew.
Jason gave Carl another tight hug before standing up, gently pulling the boy up onto his feet. Once he was on his feet his sobbing lessened but his gaze remained downward. Jason kept his arm wrapped round his younger lover as they headed for the fire truck. Abraham, Rosita, Tara, Michonne, Gabriel, Jason, Carl and the unconscious Eugene along with Judith got in the fire truck while Rick, Daryl, Maggie, Glenn, Tyreese, Carol and Noah got in the van with Beth's body.
Both engines roared to life with the van driven by Rick leading the way. In the back of the van Daryl continued to hold onto Beth's body while Maggie sobbed against it. Her younger sister, the last living member of her family lay lifeless in front of her. If not for Glenn she would be alone in the world. Noah too was sobbing. He had attempted to sacrifice his freedom so that no one would get hurt but it had ended with Beth being killed. Though he would never mention it to anyone, he had grown to like Beth and had wanted to take things further. He would never have that chance.
In the fire truck, Carl remained curled into Jason's side with his face resting against Jason's shoulder. Jason kept his arm wrapped around Carl with a couple fingers stroking his arm and side. He looked out the window as the dilapidated buildings and rotting corpses shot past. It didn't take long for the buildings to stop passing by the window as they hit one of the highways that led into Atlanta. On the other side of the highway a constant river of abandoned cars filled the road, telling the tragic story of those who had tried to escape the city in the early days of the apocalypse.
As their journey continued the scenery didn't change much. They had remained on the highway and were travelling south. Jason wasn't sure what road they were taking but he remembered the number 85 written on the dirty road. It all looked the same to him. Trees, dirty tarmac, abandoned cars, corpses, walkers, dogs, foxes and raccoons. The outside world had morphed into a blur. Eugene wasn't a scientist and didn't know a cure. Beth was dead. All hope seemed to be fading and he wasn't sure if he could make the pain any easier for the boy curled into his side. Jason glanced down at Carl but couldn't see his face because of his hat. He didn't like how silent Carl had become.
The sun continued to set in the sky. The bright blue and yellow mix in the sky was morphing into a dark orange as the sunlight continued to fade. They had to make it somewhere safe before nightfall. Jason trusted Rick's judgement but that did nothing to lessen the anxiety that was bubbling inside him. They were low on fuel and were running low on supplies. They would soon be forced to rely on luck unless they organised themselves quickly. Jason sighed and continued to gaze out the window as the apocalyptic world rushed past.
Just over half an hour later they turned off from the highway and rocked along a dirt road. Looking out the window all Jason could see were trees and countryside but fortunately no walkers or signs of life. He yawned and sat up more, not removing his arm from Carl. He hoped they were close. Sure enough, a few moments later the fire truck ground to a halt as Abraham killed the engine. They opened the doors and stepped outside.
An expanse of farmland and woodland stretched out before them. Down the hill to their left was a large pile of wood that had been burned so badly it was almost coal. The volume of burnt wood suggested it had been a structure or building before the fire had done its damage. Next to the black pile was the burned out shell of a motorhome. It had obviously been caught in the same fire.
Thicker patches in the grassy fields indicated the existence of dead bodies. The bodies that were within view were nothing but clothed skeletons, a sign that they had been laying there for months. Ahead of the fire truck and van was a large wooden farm house. Its design suggested that it was around two hundred years old. The exterior was damaged and the windows had been smashed. The house had been ransacked by other survivors and the blood stains on the walls meant that walkers had also attacked.
Maggie was still sobbing and had begun to cry harder at being on the farm. She, along with Daryl, Glenn, Carol, Carl and Rick knew where they were. The farm had belonged to Maggie's family and was where Rick had first met Hershel after Otis accidentally shot Carl. The farm was a shadow of its former self after a large walker herd had passed through and destroyed it. Rick stood at the front of the group and stared at the house. It wasn't the most secure place to spend the night but it was safe enough and it felt right.
"This place doesn't look very safe." Sasha commented, looking around.
"We spend the night here." Rick told them gruffly, his eyes on Beth's lifeless form.
"We're exposed out here." Sasha argued.
Tyreese placed a hand on his sister's shoulder. "We'll be exposed no matter where we go."
Rick narrowed his eyes as he took in the faces of his group, all of them stricken with grief and disappointment. He had to keep hope alive like he had done so many times before. He had to justify his decision to return to the farm.
"We have decent sight-lines." Rick explained. "Besides, this is where Beth should be buried."
From his position of holding and comforting Maggie, Glenn's eyes met with Rick's own as the Asian man nodded. It made sense to bury Beth with her family and some of their old friends. It would also give them the opportunity to mourn Hershel's death, which they hadn't had time for since the prison attack.
"Sasha, Tyreese and Michonne, keep watch." Rick instructed, trying to keep the group occupied. "Abraham, Rosita, with me. We need to clear the house."
Abraham and Rosita nodded and pulled out their knives as they followed Rick into the farm house. They walked up the wooden steps of the porch and walked through the front door which had been broken off the top hinges and left hanging open. Shards of glass littered the floor, darkened by the dried blood stains. Most of the lamps had been smashed or taken and several wooden tables and chairs had been broken with the legs snapped off.
The three of them split up. Rick headed for the front room, Rosita headed for the kitchen and Abraham headed upstairs. Rick kept his machete at the ready as he wandered through the living room, prepared for people or walkers. The room was empty however, occupied only by the blood stained, dusty sofas and empty cans. In the kitchen, Rosita encountered a lone walker that had been in there for weeks. It slowly turned and snarled at the Hispanic woman before it received a sharp blade to the eye. Its body dropped to the floor, leaving Rosita alone in the dirty kitchen.
In the upstairs hallway, all the bedroom doors were open except for one. Abraham kept his knife held at chest height as he approached the door. In one quick movement he turned the handle and barged open the door to one of the bedrooms. The smell of death filled his nostrils as the living corpse practically pounced on him, its hands grabbed his shoulders as its face came forward in an attempt to bite the soldier. Abraham stood his ground and held the walker back with one arm while his other arm swung forward and thrust the knife into the walker's fragile, rotting cranium.
"Clear!" Abraham bellowed down to Rick and Rosita.
"Clear!" Rosita called from downstairs.
"Clear!" Rick answered them with a shout of his own. "Take the bodies outside!"
Rick walked through to the kitchen and helped Rosita drag the walker's body out of the house. As they made it round the side of the large farm house, a second body dropped down next to them, the bones crunching from the impact. Rick and Rosita looked up and spotted Abraham with his head sticking out the bedroom window staring down at them.
"Abraham!" Rosita shouted, irritated at his callous approach.
Abraham simply smirked back before disappearing from view. It may not have been the safest, most respectable way to remove the body from the house, but it was certainly the fastest.
Once the bodies had been moved away, the group slowly but surely made their way into the house. It wasn't the most secure place they had ever stayed but it would last them for a night. The sun was getting steadily lower in the sky. Carol rested on the sofa in the living room as she was still struggling to stand from being hit by the police car. As the group arranged their belongings and supplies about the large farm house, Maggie broke from her grief induced silence.
"The basement!" She announced, earning confused looks from Glenn and the others. "There are supplies in the basement."
She remembered their last night on the farm. Rick, Shane, Daryl and Glenn had headed out to look for Randall while the rest of the group prepared to move into the house for the winter. They had stocked up the basement in case of emergencies and Hershel had just finished doing that when the herd descended upon the farm.
"My dad stocked the basement with supplies." Maggie told them. "Food, water, batteries."
The faces of the group brightened up. Even in death, Hershel still seemed to be helping them. They were low on supplies so the hidden food and water in the basement would be a big help to them all.
"Where's the basement?" Glenn asked her, glad to have her mind on something other than Beth for a little while.
Maggie got up from where she sat and led Glenn and Rick to one of the other rooms. Parallel with one of the walls was an obvious door in the floor. However, the broken grandfather clock lay on top of it, blocking access to it. She struggled to lift it on her own but quickly up righted the clock with the help of Glenn and Rick. Maggie bent down and pulled the handle up, lifting the door open to reveal a steep flight of stairs.
Before Glenn or Rick could stop her she shot down the stairs. She had to make sure that nobody had discovered the basement and its supplies. They couldn't afford for there to be nothing left. Glenn and Rick waited at the top of the staircase with Glenn calling down to Maggie. Eventually she returned to the room with a face of mixed emotion.
"Some of the supplies are gone." Maggie told them with an exasperated sigh. "Someone took some of them."
Rick thought for a moment, looking around at the house. "Why only some? It's obvious no one is living here."
"I know why." Jason announced, limping into the room with them.
Rick glanced round at him. His narrowed eye stare gave the command for Jason to explain what he knew.
"Kellin and I found this place about a year ago." Jason explained. "I found the basement and took what we needed."
Maggie glared at him. She was still protective of her house. "Why didn't you just take all of it?"
"It was too much to carry." Jason answered. "So I knocked over the clock so no one would find the door."
"So only you would know where the supplies were." Glenn commented, understanding what the plan had been.
Jason nodded. "In the end we never came back here. Just as well then."
Rick accepted the explanation, as did Glenn and Maggie. As eager as they were to organise the supplies they had more important things to do first. At the top of the list was Beth's funeral.
"We'll organise the supplies after we bury Beth." Rick told them lowly.
A heavy silence filled the air at those words. No one was truly ready to accept that the innocent light of the group, Beth, was gone. The cruel reality of the world they lived in never relented on its dark reminders. As they stepped outside, Rick instantly spotted Tyreese in the distance by some trees. The large man had a shovel in his hands and he was digging a grave next to a small collection of graves. Rick recognised the graves as those of Dale, Sophia and Hershel's family. It made sense to bury Beth there with them.
Rick looked round at the group. Carol was badly injured. Maggie and Daryl were in a deep state of grief. Carl was also extremely upset and only seemed to respond to Jason's quiet words. They had the newcomer, Noah, to deal with along with Abraham's group. It was going to be a long night.
The group stood round the grave. They all either had their hands to their sides or clasped in front of them. No one knew what to say despite wanting desperately to voice their feelings. They spent their time in silence, some crying, others contemplating the past, present and future.
Maggie couldn't help but feel like she had failed her father. She hadn't been able to keep her little sister safe. What hurt the most was having heard that she was still alive only to be so brutally disappointed. It would have been easier before Terminus when she believed that Beth was dead.
"Maggie, we don't get to be upset. We all got jobs to do, that's what daddy always says. Just focus on what you have to do. No matter what happens, we'll deal with it. We have to."
Carol had known Beth since they arrived on the farm. She had seen the farmer's daughter transform from an innocent, fragile and terrified teenager into a hardened beacon of hope. She had gone from being suicidal to being able to cope with anything that the world threw at her. It had been incredibly important to find her and Carol didn't regret getting hit by the police car because it had allowed her to spend some time with Beth before she died.
"I don't know if you can hear me but I just wanted you to know that I'm here."
Daryl had been the last person to spend any significant time with Beth. They had escaped the prison together and had managed to survive together. It was in that time he saw that she wasn't the fragile little girl he always thought she was. She had been one of the strongest members of the group and hadn't been afraid to voice her opinion. Daryl knew he would always feel guilty for allowing her to be kidnapped by the Grady officers. If that hadn't happened they might have come across Rick, Carl, Michonne and Jason then the six of them could have went to Terminus together. He had done everything he could to try and save her but in the end it hadn't been enough.
"I know you look at me and you just see another dead girl! I'm not Michonne, I'm not Carol, I'm not Maggie! I survived and you don't get it because I'm not like you or them but I made it!"
Noah didn't feel right standing at Beth's grave with her friends. He was the newcomer, he should have been the one to die. He should have been allowed to stay with Dawn. Beth deserved to be with her friends again but instead she was in the ground. It wasn't right.
The gunshots echoed around him as he ran past the group of walkers. They were all more focused on Beth as she shot at them until her gun ran empty. Noah rushed for the gate and squeezed himself through the gap. He looked back in time to see the Grady Memorial officers tackle Beth to the ground and handcuff her. He stared at her as she smiled proudly back. She hadn't escaped but she had made sure he was free from them. It was a noble sacrifice.
Carl still couldn't believe that Beth was truly gone. He had looked forward to seeing her again and had been desperate to introduce her to Jason. Now that would never happen. He hoped that what she had told him after his mother's death was true and that it was especially true for her.
"I think my mum and your mum, and everyone that we loved is in heaven. And I hope that they are watching over us. And that they are at peace."
As the silence continued, Jason got down on one knee as quietly as he could and took his backpack off so he could retrieve something from inside it. The small book he pulled out was the very same book of poems he had found when Kellin died. He stood back up and cleared his throat to get the attention of the group.
"Since no one knows what to say and Gabriel has refused to speak out of respect." Jason commented nervously. He didn't want to cause more pain. "Perhaps a short poem from this book would be enough?"
Jason's eyes remained fixated on Rick and Maggie. He could detect a feeling of resentment in Maggie's eyes. Jason never knew Beth yet he was offering to speak at her funeral. It wasn't his place. The reason no one who did know her spoke was because they were too upset to do so. Rick remained silent as he knew it was Maggie who had the final say.
"Read one out." Carl's voice announced from beside Jason.
Jason and the others turned to look at the teen who held his baby sister in his arms. Tears were still stinging his eyes from having seen Beth's body lowered into the ground and buried but it was the silence that was really killing him. For all the respect and love that occupied the silence, there was also an awkwardness because no one could think of anything to say.
"Please." Carl continued.
Jason looked back at Maggie, reminding himself that it was still up to her. She glared at him through her tears before nodding her head slowly. It was brief but it was all the permission he needed. Jason stepped forward and opened the small book, flicking through the pages before settling on a poem. He cleared his throat and read it out.
"The sun shall rise,
and sure to set.
Her time has come,
have no regret.
Her life she lived,
we sure all know.
A better place,
she has to go.
Rejoice today,
it's at an end.
And she will see us,
once again."
The poem and the sentiments expressed within it were enough to bring Maggie to tears again. This included Carl, Noah and Carol. Daryl stood with his face as expressionless as possible but the reality was clear to those who knew him. He was doing his best to hold back the tears. Tears also rolled down the cheeks of Rick, Michonne, Tyreese and Sasha. Jason stepped back as Glenn stood forward, wiping tears from his own eyes as he placed a single candle on top of the grave. He lit it before stepping back to comfort Maggie once again. Beth was with her family once again.
After a few moments the group slowly began to disperse. There was still work to be done at the farm house so they could set up a camp to spend the night in safely. The sun had disappeared beyond the horizon, leaving the farm in almost total darkness if not for the moonlight that gently illuminated the area. As they dispersed Jason noticed Rick wandering off into one of the fields. It wasn't like the bearded leader to wander off in such a way so Jason decided to follow quietly behind him.
Rick made his way through the thick grass of the field, keeping an eye out for any walkers in the distance or even any hidden in the grass itself. He was fortunate that the area was very clear just as it had been when they had stayed there before. He made his way past the burned remains of the barn and up one of the larger hills. Rick stopped at the top. He had found what he was looking for. At his feet was a clothed skeleton. The clothes were dirty and had been bleached by the sun but they were still identifiable. Black combat boots, beige cargos and a dark blue jacket. Rick stood and gazed down at Shane's final resting spot.
"Who is it?" Jason asked from behind the man.
Rick flinched slightly at the sound of Jason's voice. He had been unaware that the younger man had followed him from the funeral to Shane's corpse. He held out his arm to reveal the shovel in his left hand.
"Shane." Rick answered lowly.
"What happened?" Jason asked. He remembered that Carl had explained it before but he wanted to hear it all from Rick.
"He was my best friend. Knew each other since high school. He was my brother." Rick explained, looking down at the corpse. "He thought I was dead when everything happened and kept my family safe. When I came back, he thought I was stealing Lori and Carl from him."
Jason stepped forward so that he stood beside Rick. He remained silent and allowed Rick to explain everything at his own pace with as much or as little detail as he liked.
"The last night on the farm, he led me out here to put a bullet in my back." Rick explained. "He had changed and I just wanted him dead. I was sick of fighting him."
"You never got a chance to bury him?" Jason asked carefully after a few moments.
"A herd came after Carl put him down." Rick answered. "It ran us off the farm."
Jason nodded and placed his hand on the handle of the shovel next to Rick's. Their skin touched lightly, causing the bearded man to turn his head to study the younger man who continued to look at Shane's skeleton.
"Well, I owe my life to him. The two of you knew my father, he was a cop too." Jason explained. "Shane taught me how to use a gun. If not for that training, I'd be dead now."
"What was your father's name?" Rick asked, curious that they had a connection before the apocalypse.
"Officer Clarke." Jason answered, revealing his surname. "William."
"I remember him." Rick replied with a small smile. "He was a good man."
Jason smiled, though the comment was also an emotional stab to the heart. He missed his father and often wished he was still around. He took the shovel from Rick and started digging into the ground next to Shane's bones.
"Shane may have done some horrible things." Jason commented. "But he was my gun instructor and your best friend. I think we should remember him that way."
Rick nodded in agreement. "I can dig the grave."
Jason shook his head as he kept digging. "We can take turns."
"How's Carl?" Rick asked out of the blue.
Jason thought for a moment as he continued to shovel earth into a pile. "He's upset but he'll manage. He's a tough one."
"Thank you for being there for him." Rick told him. "You can comfort him in ways I can't."
"And you can comfort him in ways that I can't." Jason answered, handing him the shovel. "He still needs his father."
"We need to find a place. Somewhere safe." Rick commented as he dug the grave. "Somewhere secure that we can call home. It has to be out there somewhere."
Jason started placing Shane's remains in the grave. The bones were loose so he didn't worry too much about maintaining the shape as that would be too much work.
"We'll either find a place or we'll make one." Jason commented as he placed the bones into the ground. "Somewhere Judith can grow up."
Rick nodded at this. He doubted such a place existed but they couldn't give up hope. They had found the prison and it had been a safe haven for many months so other such places had to exist.
"You know, I kinda wish I had come to the prison gates a lot sooner." Jason commented with a sigh as he and Rick placed the last of Shane's bones in the ground. "Things could have been different."
"You were at the prison?" Rick asked, slightly confused. He never remembered seeing Jason.
"I found the prison a week before we met. I stayed away because I didn't want to be near people." Jason explained, regret rushing through him. "Eventually I decided I needed to give people a chance. That was the day it was destroyed."
Rick nodded as Jason took the shovel and began filling in Shane's grave. "You were right to be cautious. But I don't think anything would have changed."
"Maybe it would have." Jason retorted as the grave was filled in. "Maybe I would have died instead of Hershel. Maybe everyone would have lived."
Rick shook his head and stuck the shovel into the ground in a manner that was almost violent. "What happened at the prison happened. We need to focus on the here and now. You're important to Carl and to the group. That's all that matters."
"I'm still sorry for not being there." Jason answered after a few moments.
"You're here now. That's all that matters." Rick told him firmly.
Jason nodded. He still felt unsure about the past and honestly believed he could have made a difference. However, he also knew that the past could not be changed so it was often best not to dwell on it. He looked up when Rick placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Let's get back to the others." Rick said, leading them back to camp. "We still have things to do."
In front of the farm house, they had parked the fire truck and van at angles that formed a triangle with the front of the house. This allowed them to have chairs and a fire burning in the centre without attracting the attention of nearby walkers or people. Sasha was on top of the fire truck with her rifle as it had a night vision scope attachment. The surrounding area was quiet with no signs of walkers or people in the visible distance which allowed the group to relax for a few hours.
Abraham kept his assault rifle in his hands as he leaned against the front of the van. He refused to allow himself to relax and made sure to keep watch for the group. A few feet away from him, Eugene and Rosita were talking about their past lives. With the truth having been revealed about Eugene, the man with the mullet was more open about his past and who he really was. Even though he had lied to Abraham and used him, the soldier couldn't stop caring so it was important they made an effort to bond and understand each other.
Glenn and Maggie were cuddled into each other by the fire. Glenn was trying his best to comfort Maggie and support her. Tara, who was sitting with them, was making a similar effort by talking about her own sister, Lilly, who fell in love with the Governor and died at the prison.
Tyreese sat with Carol while he took care of Judith. He had offered to look after the baby so as to give Carl a break from looking after his sister. The large man knew that Carl needed time to grieve and that would be easier without having to worry about a baby constantly. He felt guilty. His plan should have worked and Beth should have been with them but it hadn't worked out that way. Rick's original plan had been extremely risky and dangerous but may have worked out better than the trade. Ultimately, there was no way of knowing who was right so Tyreese had to settle with having done what he felt was the right thing.
Father Gabriel sat alone. He had found a bible in the farm house and had it open in front of him so he could read through various passages. He didn't feel comfortable being part of a group of killers and was deeply intimidated by Rick and Jason, both of whom had expressed that they would kill him if given a reason. Gabriel chose to retreat into his shell and take comfort in the Lord's words, allowing his mind to distance itself from the people around him.
Michonne walked past them all to the other side of the camp fire. She had a can of food in her hand which she had just retrieved from their supply box. The samurai sat down next to Carl who had been sitting alone and gave a small smile to him even though the boy wasn't looking at her.
"Where's Jason?" Michonne asked him. "I thought you two were glued together."
Her attempt at humour wasn't lost on him but Carl couldn't respond to it. "He went for a walk with my dad."
Michonne placed the can of food down at her feet and reached out to rub Carl's back. "You okay?"
Carl shook his head and wiped a lone tear from his eye with his finger. "I miss her."
Michonne rubbed his back a little more before pulling him into a one sided hug. "We all do."
They remained in the embrace for a few silent moments. Michonne knew that nothing she said would make the pain go away. It was all a question of time and how strong Carl was. She was interrupted from her thoughts by a growl from Carl's stomach.
"You haven't eaten, have you?" She asked him with a motherly tone.
"I'm not hungry." Carl murmured back dishonestly.
Michonne lifted the can from the floor and handed it to him. "Eat something."
"Michonne, its fine. I don't need to eat." Carl tried to defend himself weakly.
"Eat." Michonne repeated, her inner mother coming out in force.
Carl reluctantly took the can and opened it. He stared at the contents for a while before finally starting to eat them.
Noah sat apart from the rest of the group. He felt like an outsider and until time had passed he would remain that way. He was the newcomer to the group when in reality it should be Beth in his place. As he sat at the back of the van as the doors were both open, Rick returned from the field and sat next to him. Noah met his gaze as he folded his arms to protect his body from the cold.
"Beth helped you escape, right?" Rick asked, staring at Noah to study his reactions.
Noah nodded solemnly. He didn't feel like talking.
"What was the plan?" Rick asked. He hoped there had been a plan, at least.
"I wanted to go back home." Noah finally answered. "We have a community there."
"Is it secure?" Rick questioned. He didn't want to get his hopes up too soon.
"Yeah. It's a gated community with a wall around the perimeter." Noah explained with a nod. "Plenty of people too."
"How many people?" Rick asked. This was crucial should anything go wrong if they went there.
Noah thought for a moment. "Last time I was there it was about twenty people."
Rick nodded and remained silent. A walled off, gated community of twenty people could be a safe destination for them. It could also be extremely dangerous depending on how the treat outsiders and if Noah would be recognised.
"She was gonna come with me." Noah spoke up.
"How far?" Rick asked, glancing over at the group.
"Richmond, Virginia." Noah answered.
Rick tilted his head in thought. It was far away but it gave them a destination. If the community was still standing then it could be a new home for them. They would have to try to get there. It would be a long, dangerous journey but it held the potential of the reward of safety. The group was strong. They could do it. Judith's cries brought him out of his pondering. The baby needed her father.
As Rick made his way over to the crying Judith so he could take care of her, Jason made his way over to Carl. Upon Jason's arrival, Michonne got up and headed over to Rick to discuss what the plan was. Jason sat down next to Carl and instinctively wrapped his arm around him. Carl responded by leaning into him.
"You okay?" Jason asked gently.
"Yeah… well, not really." Carl answered, deciding to be honest with the older teen.
"What's wrong?" Jason asked before quickly correcting himself. "Apart from the obvious, I mean."
Carl thought for a moment and lifted his head from Jason's shoulder. He looked up at Jason's face and stared into his lover's concerned eyes. He could trust Jason. He knew that.
"Maybe if I had been there, I could have done something." Carl told him. "Maybe then she'd still be here."
Jason pulled Carl close to him and kissed his forehead. He stared into his eyes strongly, as if trying to see straight into Carl's soul so that his words could be buried in Carl's spirit.
"Nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome. You can't torture yourself like this." Jason told him, holding his shoulders firmly. "You're not to blame, nor are you responsible. Sometimes shit just happens and you're powerless to control it."
"But this keeps happening. I could have saved Dale. I could have saved Hershel." Carl pushed. "But I didn't. This time I wanted to save Beth and now she's gone!"
"Carl. Stop. The weight of the world isn't on your shoulders. Nobody blames you." Jason argued. "So stop blaming yourself. I've lost people too. I couldn't even save my own boyfriend."
"But how do you just move on from that?" Carl asked. "What stops you blaming yourself?"
Jason sighed. He had blamed himself for weeks, months even. Then he had come to a realisation.
"You learn to accept this world. You learn to accept that no matter how hard you fight, how hard you try to save yourself and others, you won't always win." Jason told him. "You learn to accept that you can't save everyone. You don't stop trying though. If you try then that's enough."
"But what if it's not enough?" Carl asked stubbornly.
"Then you think of all the times it was enough." Jason replied. "Your baby sister over there is proof that you can save people."
Carl looked over at his baby sister who was being fed by Rick. Judith was giggling and Rick was grinning as he played with his daughter. Jason was right. The chaos of the world meant that people were always going to die and sometimes nothing could be done to stop it. The fact that he never gave up nor did the rest of the group was the reason so many of them were still alive. Their time together was what counted most because no one was promised to survive another day. Accepting Jason's words, he rested his head on Jason's chest and cuddled into him. He was tired. They all were.
Two hours later most of the group had gone into the house to sleep. They knew they couldn't stay at the dilapidated farm for too long and they were all exhausted from the day that had just passed. While Sasha slept in the house, Maggie had opted to stay on top of the fire truck and keep watch for a while. Glenn had originally argued against this but it was something to keep her mind off Beth's death.
By the dying fire, Daryl sat alone as he watched the small flames dance around. His eyes may have been focused on the fire but his mind was on Beth. At the prison he had always seen her as the weak, innocent girl that everyone needed to protect. When she became cold to the deaths of people and stopped crying he assumed a part of her had snapped. His time with her on the road had taught him that these assumptions hadn't been true. Daryl regretted the nasty remarks he had made to her, especially considering they had since come true. Beth never did get to see Maggie again. Beth had believed good people still existed. Beth was one of those good people and like so many others she had died. Another victim of the dark world they inhabited. Her voice echoed in his mind from one of the few pleasant memories.
"You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon."
Beth had been right. Daryl did miss her. At least she knew.
Noticing movement in the dark distance, Maggie looked down the night vision scope of Sasha's rifle. The movement came from where the graves of her family and friends were. Someone was digging. This deeply confused her because no one else had died so no new graves needed to be dug. The thought that it could be some kind of bizarre grave robber entered her mind so she took aim. Maggie hesitated. She recognised the jacket the person wore. Eventually she realised that it was Jason she was aiming at. She scanned their surroundings and couldn't spot any threats so she climbed down off the fire truck and headed towards Jason.
"What do you think you're doing?" Maggie snapped at him as she finally reached him.
Jason looked up from digging a third new grave and didn't seem to react to her tone. He gestured to the three new graves as he explained.
"For the other people you lost but couldn't bury." Jason answered. "Jimmy, Patricia and your father, Hershel."
Maggie flinched at the names, especially that of her father. She wasn't sure how to react considering she barely knew Jason yet here he was digging empty graves for her family.
"How do you know about them?" Maggie asked with narrow eyes.
"Rick told me." Jason explained. "I couldn't sleep and figured I'd show some respect."
"You didn't know them." Maggie retorted. "So why dig the graves?"
"I wish I had known them. Your father especially." Jason responded. "I've been told so many good things about him."
"You didn't answer me." Maggie pointed out.
"We've both lost people." Jason answered with a sigh. "Since we're here, I thought you'd like to take the time to give them a proper service."
Maggie watched as the young man filled in the shallow graves so that they matched the appearance of the others. As she watched him she realised that she had been harsh on someone who was trying to help. As far as she knew he had no skeletons in the closet, he was a good guy and hadn't put anyone in danger like Father Gabriel had. The consideration that was being shown by Jason was rather rare.
"You should head back and get some sleep." Maggie told him. "We can have the service in the morning."
Jason patted down the last grave and nodded. He took the shovel with him as he walked past Maggie who remained where she stood. Although he had gone out his way to do this favour for her and the others, he was surprised that she hadn't thanked him or appreciated the effort. All he had received was a sharp interrogation.
"Jason." Maggie called after him.
Jason stopped and turned back to look at her.
"Thank you." She finished with a small and sad smile.
Jason smiled softly and nodded before heading back up to the farm house.
The floorboards of the farm house porch creaked under their feet. The pair of black boots and black trainers left muddy footprints on the wood as the two men advanced towards the front door. The sky above them was dark, filled with ominous clouds as thunder echoed around them. The rain would start soon. Two guns took aim at the front door, one a Beretta 92FS and the other a Browning BDA. The house appeared to be abandoned. No people. No walkers.
The man wearing the boots wore dark blue slim jeans with a thigh holster strapped to his right leg. The top he wore underneath his unzipped B3 bomber jacket was black. One of his brown hair bangs was longer than the other, dropping down and almost covering his left eye. He placed one of his hands on the doorknob, the coldness of the metal failing to penetrate the insulation of his black fingerless glove. He turned to his companion.
His companion wore black skinny jeans and a dark blue hoody. His blonde hair was combed back so that it stood tall on top of his head. His brown eyes moved between the door and the blue eyes of his companion. The gun in his hands shook as he fought with his nerves. He wasn't used to going on supply runs.
"Are you ready?" Jason asked, noticing how nervous his companion was.
Kellin swallowed quickly and nodded. "Yeah. Let's just do it."
With a nod between them, Jason swung open the door and stepped in with his gun raised. There was only silence. A sudden loud crash of thunder caused them both to jump on the spot. They laughed at how tense they were and began searching the farmhouse.
After ten minutes they had finished their search. The supplies found had been few and far between with only knives and some canned food being the reward for their efforts. Outside the rain was pelting down as thunder roared across the sky and lightning flashed brightly in the distance. Looking out the front door made them both freeze in place. The crash of thunder had driven the walkers wild and a flash of lightning revealed a large herd of undead that was marching towards the farmhouse. The herd had surrounded the car they had used to get to the farm leaving them stranded with no escape. Running into the woodland was far too risky.
"What do we do?" Kellin asked nervously. The undead still terrified him.
"Look for a basement or an attic." Jason answered, trying to think quickly. "We'll hide in there."
Kellin quickly rushed off in search of a basement on the ground floor. Jason stood watch to keep an eye on the advancing herd and how close it was getting. Eventually he heard Kellin call his name and abandoned his position to go find his lover.
At the back of the dining room next to a grandfather clock was a door in the floor. Kellin had already opened it to reveal a set of stairs. Jason gave him a nod. Kellin descended the stairs into the basement with Jason close behind him, closing the door after him. The walkers wouldn't see or hear them down in the basement and they hoped no one would steal the car.
"Jason?" Kellin announced in wonderment.
Jason reached the bottom of the staircase and looked at the shelves in the basement. They were stocked with canned foods, bottles of water, clothes, some weapons and taped up cardboard boxes. All the supplies of the family of the house appeared to be there in front of them. The two young men had found a gold mine in terms of supplies.
"There's more than enough here for us." Jason commented, walking around. "More than we can carry."
"Can't take it anywhere until those things go away." Kellin sighed, looking up and imagining the walkers marching through the house.
"I told you supply runs weren't much fun." Jason answered, still looking at all the shelves and supplies.
"Well, I wanted to come this time." Kellin replied softly, playing with the strings on his hoody.
Jason stopped his inspection and looked over at Kellin. "Why did you want to come anyway?"
"I was hoping this would happen, actually." Kellin answered, his gaze going to the floor.
Jason gave him a confused look and walked up to his boyfriend. "That we would get trapped?"
Kellin looked at him and shook his head. "Not trapped, just…alone."
"We have plenty of time on our own back at camp." Jason commented, not sure what his lover was trying to say.
Kellin let out an exasperated sigh. "No, I mean really alone."
Jason tried to ask another question but he was silenced when Kellin crashed their lips together. Jason stumbled back at the force of the kiss until his back hit the wall of the basement. He groaned lowly as Kellin bit his bottom lip gently. Kellin grabbed one of Jason's gloved hands and brought it down to the front of his skinny jeans. Jason moaned as he felt Kellin's hardness. This is what he had meant by alone.
"Oh." Jason gasped out in realisation. "You could have just asked."
Kellin giggled at his lover's reaction. "I know but I like to surprise you."
Kellin's hand travelled down until it was palming Jason through his slim jeans, earning a moan from the older teen. As he rubbed Jason through the fabric his mouth found Jason's neck which it planted kisses on before biting it gently.
"I want you." Kellin breathed against his neck.
"You have me." Jason answered and pulled him in for a strong kiss.
The thunder crashed in the skies far above them, totally forgotten by the two lovers.
Jason's body rocked back and forth as somebody shook him from his sleep. His thoughts from the previous night slowly came back to him. He had dug the extra graves out of respect before being ordered to go to sleep by Maggie. He had curled up with Carl and couldn't remember falling asleep but he obviously had. Jason yawned and opened his eyes, blinking rapidly as they adjusted to the brightness of the midday sun.
Long dark hair and a sheriff's hat came into view before the smooth and gentle face of Carl. Carl smiled upon meeting Jason's gaze and quickly closed the gap between them to give him a small kiss.
"Maggie said you were allowed to sleep in." Carl told him. "But its midday now."
Jason yawned again and smiled up at his younger lover. "Should have woken me sooner."
Jason sat up and looked around. The others were out of sight and he wasn't sure where they were but he assumed they were outside. He wrapped his arms around Carl's smaller frame and pulled him in for a longer, deeper kiss. When they broke apart, Carl looked a little surprised.
"Good morning." Jason greeted with a cheeky grin before he stood up.
Jason stretched his arms and legs to rid himself of the morning stiffness and strapped his holster back on his right leg and his machete to his belt.
"Where is everyone?" Jason asked, looking around.
"Waiting for you." Carl told him. "We're about to start the service."
Jason felt immediately guilty for having slept in so late. He knew Maggie had allowed it but he still felt it was disrespectful. Without uttering a word he marched out the door and quickly headed for the grave site as Carl followed closely behind him.
"I'm sorry for keeping you waiting, truly." Jason told the others as he reached them and took his place.
"Don't be." Rick told him.
"We never got to properly say goodbye to Jimmy, Patricia and Hershel." Glenn explained. "So we appreciate this."
Jason noticed that Father Gabriel was at the front of them all. He stood at the foot of the graves with an open bible in his hands.
"You found a bible?" Jason asked him. He didn't remember anyone having one.
"Yes. It was in the master bedroom." Gabriel replied.
Jason nodded in understanding and said no more. He quickly figured out that the master bedroom would have been Hershel's bedroom, hence why Maggie was so silent. Hershel had been a religious man so it was appropriate that a bible verse would be read out at his memorial service. They all fell silent so that Gabriel could read out the one that he had selected.
"The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
Nor will he harbour his anger for ever;
He does not treat us as our sins deserve
Or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is his love for those who fear him;
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
For he knows how we are formed,
He remembers that we are dust.
As for man, his days are like grass,
He flourishes like a flower of the field;
The wind blows over it and it is gone,
And its place remembers it not more.
But from everlasting to everlasting
The Lord's love is with those who fear him."
There were less tears than there had been for Beth's funeral. The deaths of Jimmy, Patricia and Hershel, though no less important, had been given time to settle in the minds of the group. The only one who had tears fall was Maggie. Rick looked upon the grave that represented Hershel. He remembered the smile he gave him from the other side of the fence. Hershel had been proud of Rick's attempt to parley with the Governor. He probably wouldn't approve of the more beast-like man that Rick had allowed himself to become after all this time on the road.
"You step outside, you risk your life. You take a drink of water, you risk your life. And nowadays you breathe, and you risk your life. Every moment now...you don't have a choice. The only thing you can choose is what you are risking it for!"
Remembering Hershel's willingness to risk his life for the sake of others made Rick reconsider. It may not have been the most ideal, humane way to be but Hershel would have understood Rick's brutality. The best way to honour Hershel would be to never let the beast inside assume full control.
As the group returned to the camp at the front of the farm house with the fire truck and white van, the all-important question was asked. They needed to know if Rick had a plan for where to go and what to do. Eugene had suggested Washington, despite not being able to save the world he had done the math and came to the conclusion that the safest place would be there. Politicians and government officials would also have the best defences at their disposal.
Rick leaned his back against the white van and kept his hands in his jacket pockets as he explained his own plan to the group.
"We go to Richmond, Virginia." Rick to them as they gathered round. "Noah lived in a community there."
"Is it safe?" Jason asked quickly. He wasn't prepared to travel so many miles for nothing.
"It was secure. It has walls, homes, twenty people." Rick explained. "Beth wanted to go with him. She wanted to get him there."
Rick had considered the options overnight. Though there was little guarantee that the community would still be there they needed a destination. If the community was still there then it could finally be the lucky break they needed. If it was gone then they would continue as they were.
"It's a long trip but if it works out, it's the last long trip we have to make." Rick finished.
"What if it isn't around anymore?" Glenn asked. He knew it was most likely gone.
"Then we keep going." Rick answered. They could never give up.
"Then we find a new place." Michonne added. They would keep searching.
Rick nodded to this, as did the others. "Let's get going."
The drive north was uneventful and felt never ending. Conversations were had along the way but they were few and far between as everyone was still getting over Beth's death. After losing so many people in such a short time frame they were once again on the move to promises of a safe haven. Noah was confident that the community would still be standing when they reached it but the general atmosphere amongst the group was that it wouldn't be. It had been many months since Noah was last at the community and a lot can happen in that time.
Jason looked out the window as the world flew by. He rested his elbow on the base of the window and rested his cheek against his fist. Half the time he would take in the outside world but most of the time he was miles away, wrapped up in his thoughts. On occasion his thoughts would shift to the sights that they passed. Car crashes, dead bodies, wandering walkers and abandoned buildings. All of them told a story. How had the car crash taken place? Was anyone injured? What happened after? How did the people die? Who were they when they were alive? Did any of their loved ones survive? Who had lived in those houses? Who had worked in those shops? What had that town been like before? Jason's silent answers to these questions ranged from the innocent to the grotesque. There was no way of knowing and no one left who would care.
Carl sat to the right of Jason. He leaned into Jason and was held there by Jason's right arm which was wrapped around him. In his hands, Carl held Jason's diary which he had asked to read during the drive. He was interested in the passages that detailed what life had been like for a teenager before the apocalypse. Video games, going to the cinema, going to concerts, going out for walks or to clubs for drinks and dancing. The awkwardness and crazy nature of friendships and relationships and the beauty of the internet. As much as Carl enjoyed reading about the crazy aspects of Jason's pre-apocalyptic life, it also saddened him to know that he'd never get to experience any of those things.
Jason glanced at Carl who was too engrossed in the diary pages to notice. He wondered what life would have been like had he met Carl in a world without the apocalypse. It was most likely that they would never have ended up together because of their age gap and if they had been together then it would have been Rick throwing him in jail. He just wished he could let Carl experience the years of teenage fun that he himself had enjoyed. Jason also considered how different things would have been if Kellin had lived. He wouldn't have looked at Carl twice if that had been the case. Despite being in a new relationship he could never deny that he was still infatuated with Kellin. He looked back out the window and sighed. Kellin was in a better place.
The engine let out a loud blast of heated air as the fire truck came to a stop. It was running low on fuel so the group was forced to stop in what appeared to be a quiet town to find new vehicles. They gathered round the fire truck and van and made plans on who went where. Carol was too injured to go anywhere. Father Gabriel, Eugene and Noah weren't very capable and chose to stay behind. Rosita, Tara and Abraham opted to stay by the vehicles to protect them and the others should something unexpected happen.
Rick, Daryl, Glenn, Maggie, Sasha, Tyreese, Michonne and Jason prepared their weapons and bags for the supply run. The plan was to search for supplies in the local houses and try to get one or two cars, preferably vans or people carriers, started up to replace the fire truck. As they prepped themselves, Carl walked up to Jason's side as he checked his own gun.
"Carl, I want you to keep an eye on Judith." Rick told him, instantly noticing the boy's approach.
"I want to help." Carl countered. "I've done it before."
"Carl…" Rick began his retort.
"He can come with me." Jason interrupted. "We make a good team."
Carl smiled in response to Jason's comment and his general defence. He had sided with Rick back at the church about Atlanta and this time he was siding with Carl. It proved that Jason was willing to be fair. Rick studied Jason for a moment, unsure of what to say.
"Rick, I'll bring him back." Jason commented, sensing the uncertainty.
Rick looked down the street of the town they were about to search. Straight ahead of where they stood on the other side of the long street was an expensive house. It was in clear view of the van and fire truck. Rick nodded.
"Sasha, keep a lookout from the truck." Rick told her. "If anything happens, you'll have a clear view of the street."
"Sure." Sasha answered and headed for the fire truck.
Rick turned back to Jason and Carl. "You two take the house at the bottom of the street then come straight back here."
"Got it." Jason agreed with a nod.
With a gesture from Jason, Carl followed him down the long barren street towards the house at the very end of it. The rest of the group split up in different directions, mostly in pairs. The house in the distance looked large and expensive. This would have been a town for rich people before the apocalypse. Carl kept his head low as they walked, his hat effectively blocking the sun from reaching his face. He was quieter than normal but Jason chalked it up to Beth's passing.
"Is all of this really worth it?" Carl asked out of the blue.
Jason was stunned by the question along with the spontaneous nature of it. He hadn't expected Carl to be doubting their efforts this late into the apocalypse.
"For a safe place to live, yeah, it's worth it." Jason answered optimistically.
"What if this community is gone?" Carl asked. "Do we just keep going from place to place?"
"For a while. Until we find somewhere or make a place ourselves." Jason replied.
"Do you honestly believe that will happen?" Carl responded in frustration.
"Yes, I do." Jason answered as they reached the house. "If we give up then we're already dead."
The conversation trailed off as they reached the front door. They walked up to it and pulled out their guns, Carl with his Beretta 92FS and Jason with his Springfield Armory TRP Operator. Jason placed his hand on the doorknob and glanced at Carl to see if he was ready. Carl gave him a nod so he swung the door open as the both stepped inside, aiming in opposite directions.
The house appeared to be abandoned. With a silent nod, Jason led the way into the kitchen with his gun raised and guiding his movements. The kitchen was trashed with large blood stains on the table but was otherwise vacant. Carl started searching the drawers and cupboards for knives and supplies as Jason did the same on the other side of the kitchen. Every cupboard door they opened revealed an empty shelf behind it. The kitchen had obviously been cleared long ago.
Carl let out a defeated sigh. He had hoped they would find at least one can of food or something similar. Even the drawers had been cleared of knives and forks. People had been through the town long before them and hadn't left anything behind. A pair of arms wrapped around his waist from behind him. He recognised the arms and leaned back against them with a smile. Jason kissed the back of Carl's neck and rubbed his front gently.
"Plenty of other rooms to search, poppet." Jason cooed in Carl's ear.
Carl loved the moments they got to share with each other. Simple touches and embraces. The nickname that Jason had just used confused him slightly. He had never heard it before but he liked it. People only ever called him Carl. Poppet was new. It made him feel special and loved.
Jason broke away from Carl and took out his gun again. He aimed at a closed door at the end of the kitchen and slowly made his way towards it. Carl followed him, checking over his shoulder for any walkers or people that might sneak up on them undetected. Jason reached the door and slowly opened it as he aimed into the room. It appeared to be some kind of spare room with a television and sofa. The consoles below the television told him that it had been a games room.
Suddenly a stiff pair of hands descended on him from behind the opened door. One of the walker's cold, stiff hands slammed into Jason's hands and caused him to drop his gun to the floor. As the young man tried to move the walker's other hand grasped his shoulder and leaned forward. Before Jason could build momentum the walker bit his arm as strongly as it could. Jason shouted in fear as he struggled against the corpse's grip while he tried to reach his knife or machete.
Witnessing the walker bite Jason's arm provoked a shriek of grief and terror from Carl. It was so loud that it stabbed at Jason's ears before a gunshot echoed around them. The bullet slammed through the walker's head and decimated its brains. The corpse fell to the floor as Jason collapsed back against the wall. Carl rushed towards him as fast as he could in shock and panic, tears already starting to fall from his eyes. He didn't know what to do. Was he strong enough to chop Jason's arm off with his machete in time to stop the infection?
"Carl…Carl…Carl." Jason attempted to get the boy's attention.
Carl finally looked back up at Jason, coming out of his panicked mind set. He observed Jason's calm expression and looked down at his left arm. Grey scratches on the leather sleeve of his jacket marked where the walker had bit down. There was no damage.
"It didn't get me, Carl." Jason told him, knowing he was slowly connecting the dots. "They can't bite through leather."
Carl's tears appeared to fall faster, this time in relief that his boyfriend wasn't going to die or have to go through an amputation. He jumped forward and hugged Jason strongly, causing Jason's head to bang against the wall behind him. The older teen wrapped his arms around his younger lover tightly and cooed into his ear.
"It's okay. I'm not going anywhere yet." Jason said softly in Carl's ear.
Jason gently rocked back and forward to soothe Carl. Although the action was mostly to soothe Carl it was also to calm himself down from the scare he just had. If his hands weren't on Carl's back they would be shaking like leaves in the wind. The sound of multiple footsteps thundered through the house towards them before Rick, Daryl, Glenn and Tyreese all burst through the doorway with their weapons drawn.
"What happened?" Rick barked, concerned for his son's wellbeing and that of Jason.
Jason closed his eyes in shame. "I made a stupid mistake and got bit in the arm."
Rick immediately unsheathed his machete and approached them.
"It bit my jacket!" Jason explained quickly. "Their teeth can't go through leather!"
Jason raised his arm to Rick to show the marks on the sleeve. Rick studied it for a moment, making sure there were no tears or signs of blood. It didn't take much for the infection to set in.
"Carl, you okay?" Rick asked his son, crouching down next to them.
Carl turned his head to look back at his dad and nodded, his hat rubbing against Jason. His eyes were red from crying but his breathing showed that he was calming down.
"He just got a fright." Jason commented.
"You need to be more careful." Rick warned him.
Jason nodded in response as Rick stood up again. He looked around the room and could tell that the house was vacant of supplies. He turned back to Jason and Carl.
"We found a couple vans." Rick told them. "We should get going."
Jason nodded before Rick turned round and walked out the room, closely followed by Daryl. Jason rubbed Carl's back before standing up and collecting his gun from the floor. Carl followed Daryl and his father out the door while Tyreese choose to hang back with Jason. The two men started walking together.
"What you have, you and Carl, it's a good thing." Tyreese commented as they walked out into the street. "Cherish it. I lost someone I loved back at the prison."
Jason thought for a moment. He didn't know Tyreese all that well as they rarely spoke to one another and he was too much of a pacifist for Jason's liking. He supported his relationship with Carl, however, which earned the gentle giant a degree of respect in that moment.
"I had someone before. Kellin. I met him before all this happened." Jason explained, still uncomfortable with explaining it to anyone. "He was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I lost him seven months ago."
Tyreese remained respectfully quiet. He knew what it was like to lose a loved one to the apocalypse and he didn't dare ask how Kellin died. It didn't matter. He had died because the apocalyptic world they lived in was cruel.
"I wanted to die. I tried to die." Jason continued. "For months on my own, trying to have it all end. But it never did."
"Because you didn't give up. That's why you're still alive." Tyreese answered with a soft smile. "You chose life. And now you have Carl. He needs you and you need him. It's a good thing you're still here."
"I guess." Jason shrugged his shoulders.
Jason viewed meeting Carl as luck. He always seemed to get lucky and he was smart enough to know that his luck would one day run out. Jason just wanted to spend the time between now and that day in the best way possible and that was with Carl. He'd do anything to keep Carl safe. He'd kill anyone.
"Tyreese… you have your head screwed on right." Jason commented, referring to the large man's moral compass. "Can I ask your opinion on something?"
"Sure." Tyreese responded with a nod.
Jason stopped walking and so did Tyreese. He wanted it to be a private discussion.
"In the camp I was in with Kellin, there was a guy who tried to steal him." Jason explained. "Tried to rape him and threatened both him and me on multiple occasions."
Tyreese nodded as Jason explained, waiting for the question while taking in all the information the younger man was willing to give.
"I went on a run with him and I want to know if what I did was right." Jason continued.
Jason searched the shelves of the warehouse they were in. His Beretta 92FS was holstered on his thigh as it would be unwise to fire a gun inside. The place was large and there were walkers roaming the hallways and aisles. He held a crowbar in his hands, knowing that it would be far quieter for dispatching any of the undead should they happen across him. There were too many corpses in the building for them to draw attention. At the opposite end of the large storeroom, Tony, the slightly older male was searching another set of shelves. Jason couldn't believe that he had to go on a supply run with someone he hated, a man who had tried to rape Kellin several times already. He had the temptation to murder Tony but now that the dead had risen it didn't seem right to kill the living.
A loud crash echoed through the large storeroom as Tony clumsily knocked something over. Numerous undead groans answered the sound as the walkers in the room began shuffling towards the room he was in. Jason kept his head low as several walkers stumbled past him, too fixated on the source of the crash to look at anything else. Jason knew the room Tony was in only had one way in. Once the walkers had passed him he looked down the aisle and saw that Tony was indeed trapped in the room. The older man had started shooting the approaching corpses in a blind panic which only helped to attract more of them.
Jason grabbed his gun and considered how many rounds were in the clip. He hadn't used the gun so he still had fifteen rounds. There were over twenty walkers in the room and more would come but between Tony and himself, they had enough ammo to kill all of them. They had enough ammo to save Tony so he could return to camp where he would continue to intimidate Kellin. Jason paused. Tony was attracting the dead towards him through his own lack of thought and was incredibly selfish. Jason's priority was getting back to Kellin, alive and well.
Jason holstered his gun and gripped the crowbar tightly in his hands in case he needed it. Once another walker had passed by he slipped out in the opposite direction of all the commotion. Tony was serving as a fantastic distraction for the walkers which would allow Jason to walk out unscathed. He knew Tony's fate was sealed when the gunshots stopped and the screams began…
"Was it wrong to leave him for dead like that?" Jason asked. "I mean, I could have saved him."
Tyreese thought for a moment. It was a tricky one as both men could have escaped the warehouse but Jason's explanation of the kind of man Tony was changed things.
"There's a difference between killing someone and not saving them." Tyreese told the younger man. "You did it to protect someone and this guy, he would have left you for dead too, right?"
Jason thought for a moment. There was no question that Tony would have relished the opportunity to get him out of the picture so he could have Kellin to himself.
"Yeah, I don't doubt he would have tried to kill me eventually." Jason answered. It was true. Their fights had been getting more intense.
"Then you did what was necessary." Tyreese answered. "It's not about right or wrong."
The sudden sound of a horn made them both jump and look towards the two vans. Abraham was leaning out of the window of the front van, his hand on the horn.
"You two have thirty seconds to get your asses in here before we leave without you!" Abraham threatened, yet his smirk betrayed the tone of his voice.
Tyreese and Jason nodded and quickly made their way back to the vans. They climbed in the front van with Tyreese sitting next to Carol and Jason next to Carl. Carl immediately cuddled into Jason, still slightly shaken by the close call they had back in the house. Jason leaned into Carl and wrapped an arm around him as Abraham gunned the engine and the two vans drove off. It was a hundred miles to Virginia. They had a long road ahead.
So the chapter is finally done. I'd like to apologise for the agonisingly long wait but I was ill for two and a half weeks and therefore unable to get much writing done. I felt a filler chapter to show Beth's funeral was necessary and I don't mind making call backs.
The next chapters will follow the episodes. I can't wait to get caught up with the show as I think it will be a lot of fun having Jason in Alexandria.
Thanks again for all the follows/subscriptions/favourites/kudos/votes.
Thanks to the reviewers of the chapter 13: rk0192, Belle Blu, sexy10, emilyymjoness, zakhaev1, jar98, Sara, kgbufo, kingcarlgrimes and eballztyme.
If you want an extra Easter egg, check the first letter of each chapter title. :P
Anyways, be sure to review and comment. Let me know what you like/don't like. Suggestions for scenes are welcome. I'll try to get chapter 15 up as soon as possible, and hopefully far quicker than this one!