I swore not to hang out with Fenris until he apologized to me. This was difficult because usually I went to his gross mansion filled with corpses that is way less nice than my mansion to have mental conversations with him on account of the fact that we are spiritually connected every night. Over our spiritual connection like unto Andraste, I informed him of this, and then put him on spiritual silent treatment until he apologized.

Anyway, since I was no longer busy being romantical with my super hot babe chocolate elven prince, I decided to deal with a super huge problem that had fallen on the beautiful seaside town of Kirkwall. The viscount, who is like pretty much the king of Kirkwall because he wears a crown, contacted me to deal with Kirkwall's problems because he knew I was smart and beautiful and a strong warrior woman and a saint like unto Andraste and also that my cousin was Ravena Cousland, the beautiful and immortal queen of the grey wardens and also Fereldan. Also, I was totally famous like more famous than the viscout because no one ever actually talks about him, so he knew I was the right person for the job. I accepted it because I would get money which I love, even if I wasn't supposed to kill people, which I also love.

So we went to the docks like the viscount told. I took Isabela with me because she is a rouge, sexy beautiful pirate queen and loves the docks and the sea and ships, and her rougishly charming ways could be helpful with the non-killing. Also we took Aveline because she is my BFF and also Isabela's BFF and the guard captain which means she has lots of influence here, and we took the Merrill because she had never seen the ocean before and thought it was pretty.

Anyway, we were at the docks and we went to this place that was walled in when I saw… THEM. Terrible, demonic, hedonistic, materialistic, sadistic, masochistic, sexist, godless grey-horned beastly sinners. They were called the kunary, I knew because I was smart and the Merrill told me about them because she read books like a mage, and also the viscount said their name like twenty times when he was telling me about this job. So I knew they were going to be here, but it was always a shock to me whenever their parastic encampments popped up.

I had been doing some research on the kunary and by that I mean I made Anders read ten books about them and then tell me what they said, as part of his punishment for killing Bethany in the Deep Roads. Basically, I learned that they are heathens and contrary to the sight of Andraste, even on the same level or maybe worse than mages, but not worse than blood mages because they are the worst worst.

So we got to the walled in place and Isabela was like "I have some people - I mean things to do - so I have to go k bye!" And then she ran away before me or Aveline could stop her.

"Well, that was weird, and now our buddy group is down one member," I said. "But whatever, Isabela is super hot so she probably knows what she's doing."

"Tbh girl, we're better off without Isabela," said Aveline with jealousy, I knew, because she and Isabela are constantly fighting over being my BFF and it is hilarious. Now she was happy because she had me all to herself, because the Merrill doesn't count because she is dumb and not my friend, only my pupil who really sucks at recovering as a blood mage, because she keeps on forgetting about our lessons.

So we went in, and dealt with the gross sweat smell of the kunary, and I wore a face mask because they are gross and also probably diseased and do not deserve to set their gross, diseased eyes on my beautiful, plump, rosy, voluminous lips.

"Who the hell are you?" asked the biggest and ugliest and horniest kunary who sat in a throne with his feet up and got his long, wavy white hair flowing in the wind while being fanned by palm leaves on either side by tall, grey, nubile young men.

"Excuse me, I am Mercie Hawke with no L's, strong warrior woman, famous champion of this town, and also the chosen of Andraste. How do you not know of me," I said accusatorily.

"I do not care about the affairs of puny bas," said the head kunary, while casually sipping on coconut juice and eating a chicken wing. "I have no interest in your insignificant human customs and titles."

"Well, that is too bad for you, because I am here on behalf of the king of Kirkwall," I said. "He is very important and is rightfully shocked that you do not know his name, and more importantly do not know my name, because I am the person with the real power in this city."

"Whatever," said the kunary sassily as he took another sip of his pina colada. "The point is, I need someone to track down a filthy dwarf who stole some shit from me, and I can't spare any more nubile young men because they are too busy giving me physical pleasure. So I need a human to do me this favor, and I couldn't really care less which of you humans prefer to do it."

"Will I get money?" I asked pointedly and Aveline nodded because she understands how important money is.

The kunary casually flicked gold coins into my cleavages from between his fingers and said "There's more where that came from, babe." I snappily picked the coins out of my cleavages through my breastplate and pocketed them before sauteying out of the area.

Since I didn't have a three person buddy group with me at the moment, I was very disoriented and needed to go back to my house to regroup and get a back massage from my recently acquired elf servant while thinking resentful thoughts at Fenris because I knew he disapproved of having elf servants.

I got back to my house and hung up my keys and said hello to my mom and started to tell her about my day.

"By the way, Mercie, you have yet another attractive friend over," said my mom.

"Mom, I told you to stop leering at Anders because he is a blood mage and is just trying to seduce you for your money and life essence," I said tiredly because I was tired of trying to convince my mom that he was not, in fact, my boyfriend, and also my actual boyfriend had just broken up with me and I needed a moment alone.

"Oh, no, it's not Anders, it's that other hot one," said my mom. "I think she's from Antiva."

"ISABELA MY GURL!" I yelled. "JUST THE GIRL I WANTED TO TALK TO!" I ran over to the stairs where Isabela was standing and picked her up womanishly.

"Gurl, I saw that you were totally sad last night and also today, because when we tranquilized those blood mages this morning, you didn't laugh with joy like you normally do, and merely smiled a little bit," said Isabela. "I thought I would come over to help comfort you in this terrible, tragic time that is not at all beneficial to me."

"Gurl, I know what I need," I said. "Totally a sleepover."

"I'll make you two snacks," said my mom embarassingly.

So Isabela got into her super hot lace black nightie with stiletto heels and a sky blue headband to keep her hair out of her face when she slept. And I changed into my simple yet comfortable lounge wear. We did our nails and also our hair and also our makeup and also drank two whole bottles of wine which I had stolen from my Fenfen's basement as vengeance for the trauma that he put me through and also he has literally unnumbered hoards of wine bottles down there so I don't think he'd miss them.

We ended up on the floor of my room drinking wine sadly and talking about our sad, tortured pasts while crying girlfriendishly into each other's arms. Isabela told me about her mom and how she had the worst fate imaginable, being corrupted by those grey horned beasts the kunary and converted to their evil sinnish ways, kunaryism. I told her about how my whole family was cursed with being mages, and I only barely escaped that horrible fate, and I had to make up for it my whole life by chasing down mages and putting them in the circle. Also, Fenris rejected me! And he was the only one who truly understood me, being a similarly minded mage hater with a similarly tragic backstory.

"That is not true," Isabela said consolatorily. "I understand you, Hawke. I too have a tragic and sad backstory."

"But you are not a mage hater like me and Andraste," I said. "So we can never be as close as me and Fenris were… once…"

"Maybe…" said Isabela, reaching out to stroke my raven hair, "We could be… that close… just for one night."

All of a suddenly we were run into each other's mouths. We frenched Orlesianly and I picked her up with my strong womanly arms and we ran down the stairs because we were so enthralled that we needed to get our energy out of our system. Then we realized that the bed was upstairs and also my mom was still down there, so we ran back up into my room, still making out passionately with her in my arms.

Isabela took control in a masculine way and threw me onto the bed - but mostly I jumped because she was so weak but I didn't want her to feel bed. Then she pulled her daggers out kinkily and slashed off my clothes sexily. Normally, I would be mad, but I don't really care about clothes and also I didn't want to ruin the mood.

I was quite naked but Isabela was still clothed but it was ok because she looked powerful and dominatrixy and I took control all the time, so it felt good to give in to the loving passionate love of another womanly woman.

Then, she entered me and I cried out orgasmically! The sex we had was so sexxy and free. It wasn't better or worse than the sex I had with sexy Fenris - just different. One was passionate and loving and angst-ridden, while the other was healing and exciting and slightly hurtful but in a good way. That was probably because Fenris, under his rough exterior, was a sweet inexperienced young lover, while Isabela was a sexy pirate queen with a whole lot of experience.

Our love was like kunary blackpowder - so explosive and powerful that neither of us even saw it coming, and before we knew it, we were passed out in each other's arms. When I woke up, she was gone, and I had a slight hangover from all the wine but not very much of a hangover because I handle my liquor better than all my mercenary friends.