Chapter 14
Nothing 'Gives'
A heap of love and thanks to the real vampire for lending her skills to beta this chapter! And of course, thanks to Kei Luna Shoryu for additional beta-ing and support. You two are the best cheerleaders a writer could ask for ^_^.
If you're looking for something else to read, check out 'My Brother's Keeper' by the real vampire, or 'The Art of Cohesion' by Kei Luna Shoryu. Diversify your reading schedule :)
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"Can we not–" Hunter began, biting off the word with a frustrated wave of his hand as he tried to convey how done he was with this through passionately broad hand gestures. "For a few seconds, could we just not do this?"
"We need to talk about this." Alex's voice was especially undeterred through the rain, void of even the most basic emotions and – wow, Hunter had not missed that. "The only way we can improve our performance is to review–"
"Can it wait until we're not drowning?" Hunter grumbled. His boots were coated in mud, squelching beneath their feet, and there was literally no part of him that had managed to remain dry. "I'm all for battle reviews-"
"No time like the present," Alex interrupted with a hard voice, one that lacked whatever familiar warmth they had cultivated over the last month and was immediately replaced with an 'I am not happy' tone only magnified by the unconscious ranger hefted across Alex's shoulders.
His name was Sanders or something, Hunter didn't know; it was a green wizard guy. They all started blurring together after a while.
"Um," Hunter articulately began, spitting out a mouthful of water as he battered away a few stubborn tree branches, forging their way through the woods like wild safari men. "Yes, there would be. In fact, every other time would be a better time than the present."
Goddamn it; there was mud and water and uncomfortable pine needles everywhere. Hunter had liked this sweater, but he abandoned all hopes of ever salvaging it in the same way he had abandoned ever ending this conversation with a shred of civility.
"Are we going to talk about this later?" Alex asked. "Because I have noticed you elect a–"
"Excuse me Mr. Super-King-of-Withholding," Hunter snapped, actually pausing in his ascent of their squishy, tree-laden, uphill climb to give his best oh-no-you-didn't face, despite the rain. He was sure Dustin would have been proud. "You are not going to criticize my coping mechanisms-"
"We're a team," Alex snapped, in that way that wasn't snappy but just a really strong delivery of words that was totally his version of repressed snapping. "We should-"
"We're not idiots!" Hunter actually snapped. To show him how it was done. "We both know how badly shit went down–"
He imagined Alex was frowning. "To prevent–"
"I get it," Hunter snarled. "I'll keep a better eye on our targets so they don't get–"
"It wouldn't have been a problem if you had just–"
"I didn't have time to listen, we had to move."
"Do guys ever let each other finish a sentence?"
The voice, low as it was, managed to be heard over the obnoxious wall of water encapsulating their entire beings, bringing both rangers to a halt.
It was weak and confused, and also, slightly concerned. "Or," Sanders – Landers? Hunter didn't know – continued. "Do you not-do that?"
Instead of answering, Hunter elected for the very appropriate decision of knocking that dickhead unconscious and carrying on with their stupid journey to return unconscious rangers back to their secret hideouts.
They didn't speak for the rest of the night.
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Of course, by the time they were transported back to Eric's, it wasn't midnight anymore. The early -evening sky taunted them with slightly humid heat, no clouds, not even a hint of possible rain, which made the reality of being drenched to the point of drowning all the more insulting. Figured.
"Boots," Alex said, because if the red ranger didn't say something redundant that insulted Hunter's intelligence, he was probably going to die. At least, that was Hunter's impression, seeing as that was the running theme of the past few hours, and he was very much sick of it.
"Sure," Hunter chirped with mock cheer, fingers sliding on the slick grime that coated his supposedly weather-proof laces. "Anything you say, boss."
"Hunter." There was a sigh, maybe; a tiny sigh leading into a tiny look of maybe-guilt, but Hunter was done with maybes and done with all the freakin' effort it took to discern Alex's wide variety of subtle lip quirks just because the jackass never learned to properly communicate. Hunter had been an orphan too. He knew it was shitty; he knew it sucked and affected you way more than anyone would hope, but he just- he was tired, okay?
"Just stop," Hunter snapped, finally managing a good enough grip on his shoe to rip the damn thing off, then moving to the other. "I thought we were past this, but you, mister-" He levered a dirt-covered finger at the dripping brunette, glaring at him through soaked eyelashes. "-Have gone all the way back to stupid levels again. What gives?"
Hunter was not hallucinating this; Alex was reverting back to his old ways. And not reverting in a good way, or a fun way, or a way that led to solid working relationships or indicated great internal strength, but in a way that was panicky and stupid, and frankly, Hunter was done tolerating it.
Alex's gaze stayed stubbornly on the laces of his shoes, making quick work of his perfectly uniformed knots. "I apologize," he murmured. "I acted out of line."
"That wasn't the question," Hunter pointed out. Because that question, that was what he wanted. That was all he needed. Just answers.
"Nothing 'gives'," Alex said quietly.
Hunter could practically hear the air quotes, but there was no mocking in this repetition. If anything, it was Alex's adorable little way of mimicking Hunter's lingo in an attempt to bond. No shit, the blond had actually heard Alex discussing this with Adam at one point, and the methodical strategy to which he was dissecting possible approaches to relationship-building should have been creepy. Or pathetic. At the very least, it was mock-able, but for the life of him, Hunter just couldn't because it was too cute. It was horribly, horribly cute.
The fact that even in his state of imminent face-punchings, Hunter managed to admit that (in his own stupidly masculine way, thanks) indicated that stupid-Alex was stupidly-likeable with his stupid socially-awkward stupidness, so why was his stupidity attacking in such an un-entertaining, horrific and displeasing way? Why? Hunter hadn't actually done anything, he swore.
Probably. Hunter probably hadn't done anything. He couldn't really speak for possible wandering hands during the great freeze of holy-hell (yeah, he knew, phenomenal name), but between his last visit of cool-Alex and the Alex-of-now (who was the opposite of anything remotely cool), Hunter had been acting like a perfect gentleman.
Hunter paused to gift Alex with an appropriately dubious look that the brunette missed due to his absorption with ringing water out of the bottom of his shirt, and looked up to the insultingly clear sky with a wary exhale. Not a sigh. Hunter was not going to become a rhyme master anytime soon. Even in his mind.
"Everything gives," Hunter groused. He frowned at his shirt, plastered against his torso in sodden glory, and pondered the effort of pulling it off verses just ripping the damn thing. "With you, everything gives. Now what's the issue?"
Alex, because organization was not a pastime so much as it was a way of living, arranged his mud-caked boots neatly beside Eric's back porch stoop, peeling off his socks and delicately laying their pitiful carcasses across the tops of his shoes to dry.
"Nothing-"
"Don't insult my intelligence, man," Hunter protested, grabbing the bottom of his sweater with a small shrug. The least he could do was try to save it; seemed kind of rude not to give an effort when he was literally feet away from the house of the guy who had given it to him. "Something's a problem. Is Time Force giving you flack? The future changing in bad ways? Is it classified?"
Because that was not a battle Hunter really felt like having today. The, 'we're-two-halves-of-a-whole-right-now-so-share-your-super-secret-bits (not that, gutter) – if-you-actually-want-us-to-work-together' thing that transcended into an ordeal and then into two days of not-talking followed by one day of Alex awkwardly trying to make small talk (it was bad, he couldn't do it, it was just bad) before he eventually caved because Hunter was awesome.
Or because they were legitimately friends that actually respected one another, but hey, that wasn't something they addressed, alright?
"It's not classified," Alex said, shrugging off his jacket; draping it across the porch railing with care before contemplating his own shirt. "Because there isn't a problem."
"So it's me then." After a few quick tugs and some generous cursing, Hunter yanked the sweater-trap off his head and chucked it to the side in a lumped up bundle. "Please, just do us both a favor and tell me what I did. I think we have one more mandatory therapy session left with Adam before he's going to end up strangling the both of us."
Because two perfectly mature individuals should be capable of working out their own problems without resorting to their neighborhood Dr. Phil, but what could Hunter say, they were overachievers.
Geez, this was like some crappy soap opera. Like he was the overreacting boyfriend who always brought things back around to himself so they could fight. Hunter hated those people. He didn't want to be one of those people, except with Alex he had to be one of those people, because avoidance was the only tactic the brunette knew when dealing with interpersonal conflict.
Which, if you thought about it, explained a lot about his failed relationship with Jen, but even Hunter wasn't a big enough asshole to point that out. Regardless of how frustrated he felt.
"It's not you," Alex insisted. It would have been a lot more effective were it not for the fact he was continuing to avoid eye contact, and Hunter refused to believe Eric's stupid floor boards required that level of interest. "There's nothing wrong."
Hunter followed the brunette inside like a wrathful shadow, refusing to allow more than a foot between them because then Alex would be off-balance, and Hunter would have a shot of getting some answers.
"I'll listen better, if that's the issue." It wasn't one of his strengths (ask Shane, or hell, ask Sensei) but Hunter was willing to try. Look at him being all mature and stuff. "I think, all things considered, it didn't go as bad as-"
"I know," Alex said. Now he was staring at the coffee maker, as though he ever used it. Come to think of it, Hunter wasn't exactly sure what the Time Force agent drank as a pick-me-up, but it wasn't coffee. "I already apologized for snapping at you. I was just frustrated."
"And now we are back to why are you frustrated-?"
"What the hell happened to you guys?" Eric stalked into the room (that was what he did, there was no lackluster walking, only the steady march-march-march that Adam must find attractive as hell), frowning at their clothes. "You get attacked by a mud monster?"
"I'd mock you for that suggestion, except it's perfectly plausible," Hunter grumbled, narrowing his eyes. "So I'm just going to continue glaring at you and your insulting dry-ness."
"Go for it, Sport." Eric raised one unimpressed eyebrow and motioned towards the stairs. "Go get cleaned up, dinner's in ten."
"Great," Alex said, just as Hunter replied, "Oh, hell no", and look at that, Alex finally glanced his way.
The blond struck while the iron was hot. "There will be no cleanliness until you tell me what's wrong."
"Are you guys fighting again?" Eric asked. There was a look on his face that was akin to the look one got when smelling something particularly awful, which was pretty much his expression for 'not this shit again'.
"No," Alex lied while Hunter simultaneously said, "Yes" and got a sideways glare for his troubles.
So much for the coffee maker being the most interesting thing in the world.
It should probably be said that their varying tones of annoyed insistence was enough for Adam - who had just innocently walked in on the scene, still looking over his shoulder at the abandoned clothes outside - to determine it was indeed time for another intervention.
As a man in possession of great reserves of patience, Adam sighed.
"If I ask what's wrong now, will I get a straight answer?"
"You would be the first," Hunter grumbled. With Eric by the stairs and Adam blocking the back door, the blond felt the threat of Alex's attempted retreat could be swayed long enough for him to reach for some paper towels. "He's certainly not talking to me."
Alex, for the first time since they had entered the kitchen, began to look annoyed. With his wild hair, and soaking clothes, it was easily more endearing than threatening. "There is nothing wrong."
"He won't talk to me," Hunter complained, motioning to Eric. If anyone would understand, it was Eric. People didn't talk to Eric all the time (which was mean, but also accurate).
"When did he start acting screwy?" Eric asked, wordlessly handing over the roll of paper towels.
"I'm not-"
"Hell if I know," Hunter muttered. He ripped a handful of sheets off the roll and thrust them at Alex, tearing off another handful for himself. "One day, we were fine, the next day – bam – it's all stupid again."
"I'm not–"
"Did something happen at night?" Adam asked. He paused from unloading his small white cartons from the beaten brown takeout bag, considering.
"No," Hunter said. Come on, they were just sleeping. Even he couldn't screw that shit up. "All we did was- Oh."
Oh yeah, now he got it.
Alex, familiar with his epiphany face, coughed awkwardly. "If you're not going to shower first, I'm just going to-"
"Dude, are you upset about the cuddling?" Hunter asked. Because that was stupid; they did that all the time. "Or did it just remind you of some dark and stormy night with Jen or something?"
"Cuddling?" Adam asked just as Alex's face turned a delightful shade of red with embarrassment, reminding Hunter exactly why it had been so wonderful to mess with the guy's boundaries early on. It was a very charming color.
"There was nothing wrong with the… cuddling." The last word was said under his Alex's, his eyes darting to the side in a desperate attempt to focus on anything other than Hunter. "Just like there isn't anything wrong now and I would appreciate it if you believed me."
"How can there be something wrong with the cuddling?" Hunter asked, pondering the question aloud. "We do that all the time, it's not exactly like it's something new-"
"You wanna repeat that last part?" Eric asked, doing that stupid incredulous one eyebrow raise that he thought made him look like a snarky-mc-smartpants but only made him look like an asshole. "With the cuddling?"
"Don't act so damn surprised; it's not like the bed you gave us was exactly big."
"I figured you'd take turns–"
"Alex?"
Adam's question being asked in that soft, tentative kind of tone snapped Eric and Hunter out of their argument with frightening effectiveness. It was the vocal equivalent of approaching a wild animal, extending every kind of indication that things were safe, and that nothing was there that intended harm. Even if it was possibly a fruitless endeavor, it was utilized because you wanted any advantage you could get when calming a feral creature.
The look on Alex's face was nothing short of shocked.
The brunette was still, his eyes frozen wide as he stared at Hunter. It should have been ridiculous, him, still dripping wet with this startled expression– it should have been cute like everything else, but for some reason the only emotion Hunter seemed capable of processing was dread.
He realized about the same time as Alex did that he hadn't ever shared that little bit of information with the brunette. You know, to save his ego.
Load of good that did Hunter now.
"You knew?" Alex asked.
It should have been stupid; an over-used cliché of shocked victims everywhere, but Alex delivered it with utter seriousness, his voice careful and soft, and at the very end of it, tucked away to protect himself, hurt.
Hunter swallowed. Despite water drenching his being, his throat was dry and chalky. "Ninja, you know," he explained, trying to keep the levity in it. "Of course I knew."
That probably wouldn't help him any.
Alex blinked, taking a moment to process this information. Eventually, he nodded, like that would do it, would assuage any possible concerns the rest of them possessed.
"Of course," he murmured. The shuttered look on his face was – well, you know, awful – Hunter broke him, he had actually broken Alex – "Well, then," the brunette continued, finally looking back at them. His eyes were blank. "If that's been settled, I'm going to go shower."
He left in silence with Hunter feeling like an absolute tool behind him.
Seriously me, you suck. So much.
He should have taken a page from Adam's last therapy session and thought before he spoke. If he remembered correctly, that was still something they were trying to work on. Damned if it didn't show now.
"I really want to ask more about this cuddle-business," Eric began, with the solemnity and seriousness one should never maintain while uttering the words 'cuddle' and 'business'. "But I feel like–"
"Now's not the time," Adam interrupted. Like Alex, he stacked the takeout boxes neatly, two-by-two, rice, low mien, dumplings, his lips set in a grim frown. A disappointed frown. A disappointed frown made much more effective by its lack of direction at Hunter, because then it was worse. Then Hunter couldn't even be looked at and that stung in a way only Adam and Cam had ever been able to manage. If there was anything Hunter hated, it was to be ignored by people he legitimately cared about.
"Yeah," Eric sighed. "That's what I figured."
The paper towels were still clenched in Hunter's fist, partly muddy and soaked from the mess on his hands. He wiped down his chest distractedly and toweled of his hair with whatever dry spots were left before chucking the now-sodden mess into the trashcan by the island.
Eric chose the moment the blond started eyeing the staircase to interrupt Hunter's planning time. "Don't, kid. Just give him some time to cool off."
Hunter, who was kind of getting a little pissed at how predictable these guys found him, threw Eric a glare. "He's just going to shut down if I let this go."
"Then don't," Adam said. His attention was still fixed on to the leftovers, separating the packets of soy sauce from the spicy mustard, but his expression was cooler, more considering. "But he's not going to listen now, so you might as well give him a little time to get his head back together."
"Use my bathroom and get cleaned off," Eric ordered when Hunter was about to protest. It was going to be an amazing protest that may or may not have involved suggesting if Adam loved the damn soy sauce so much why didn't he marry it, because at times like these he reverted to a fifth grader. "You can corner him after dinner, alright?"
"Be sure to explain why you lied," Adam instructed. He moved to retrieve forks for the chopstick-challenged Alex and Hunter, securing napkins from the holder as he passed by. "I'm sure you had a good reason; he just needs to know what it is."
"I didn't lie."
"Lies of omission," Adam said. He glanced up, one hand paused on the drawer handle, and looked at Hunter for the first time since the conversation of disappointment had been rekindled. Hunter wished it wasn't so stupidly effective, especially when he had known it was coming but honestly, he couldn't get past that special feeling of shame that only Adam and his mother could have managed.
He probably shouldn't bring up that little tidbit to the black ranger; most people would consider it creepy.
"Right," Hunter agreed. Agreeing, while not always truthful or honest, was the easiest way to end an argument. There wasn't any point in continuing a fight if both parties were seemingly on the same side, right?
Adam saw through this with narrowed eyes, because he was a wizard, but Hunter escaped the newest look of disappointment by whisking out of the room, ignoring Eric's protests of dripping water all over his carpet.
He would steal some clothes from the Quantum ranger in retaliation; that would cheer Alex up. Damned if Hunter knew why, it just did.
Hell, he probably just liked having baggy-clothes buddies or something.
Future people were so weird.
Yeah, Hunter; that was the important part of the conversation.
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Despite the horrible monster movie Eric had insisted they watch while eating, dinner was strained. It didn't help that Alex's mind was obviously elsewhere, his eyes darting between the floor and his food with equal disinterest, and that Hunter countered this behavior by only looking at the brunette.
Adam had, wisely and subtly – as was his way – separated them onto different couches, so it wasn't like Hunter could have scooted up next to the Time Force agent to stare imploringly into the windows of Alex's soul or whatever the older ranger seemed to be afraid of, so there was that. Whatever that was.
Eric didn't bother to put up the pretense of small talk, choosing instead to occasionally bump shoulders with Adam, who spent his meal casting worried glances between Hunter and Alex before frowning at the television. If his thinking was any louder, Hunter would have had to become a subterranean mole person just to deal with the anxieties, it was just– unpleasant.
The real kicker came afterwards though, when the leftovers had been put away and the washed dishes were resting in the drainer, when they had all gone their separate ways pretending everything was just their usual definition of adjusted-normal as it could ever be.
Hunter paused at the bottom of the stairs, watching Alex putter about the living room through the opening to the kitchen. "You coming?"
Alex froze, again. It wasn't getting any more pleasant to watch the way the Time Force ranger obviously snapped his walls back into place, but there it was.
"I think I'm going to take the couch," he said at long last.
Though he had been expecting it, something twisted in Hunter's stomach. A bad dumpling, probably. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't say anything about it sooner; I just didn't want you to feel, you know, awkward."
Kind of like how the awkwardness was so heavy now it could crush them with little to no effort. Hunter really wasn't a fan of death-by- awkwardness-crush; that was just stupid.
Okay, so maybe Hunter dealt with situations by avoiding them a little bit too, but he wasn't bad as Alex. Regularly.
The other man had one hand resting on the blanket thrown across the couch's back. It was almost a dramatic pose, but Hunter knew that Alex never thought about that kind of thing off-duty. That stuff was all Hunter. Alex tried to be honest, when he could talk about it.
"I appreciate the thought," Alex broke the silence suddenly; his voice was cool and professional. Old-Alex again. "But it is unnecessary. I can just as easily rest here without the inconvenience."
"It wasn't an inconvenience," Hunter said.
It wasn't; that he knew.
It had been weird at first, and maybe a little bit annoying, but even back at the very beginning of it Hunter couldn't honestly say he outright hated it. If it had really bothered him, he would have put an end to it. If it had really driven him crazy he would have volunteered to sleep on the couch himself.
The fact of the matter was, he hadn't, because with all the other shit they had to deal with, it didn't seem worth the battle. And then, after a while, it had sort of been a comfort.
Hunter and Blake had stopped sharing a bed when they were seven, being too old for such nonsense. The year after their parent's murders, however, they had broken that rule, until Blake had called an end to it, saying it was time to 'grow up'.
Hunter wasn't sure if he had brought any of that baggage into this stupid situation but he did know back then, even though he knew Blake was right, even though he knew they couldn't do it forever and he had to be the strong one, Blake's declaration had felt like a betrayal and this, this wasn't that.
He hadn't meant to make this a redemption for actions committed by a person Alex had never met, but it had always kind of felt that way. Having someone at his back, who felt comfortable enough to- well, to just sleep, that meant a lot to Hunter. After all the mind controls and bad decisions and general douchebaggery, there was someone who trusted him enough to be unconscious next to him, and that had meant more to Hunter than he was ever willing to admit.
"Perhaps not for you," Alex said, breaking Hunter from his thoughts. "But it was for me."
"Don't do this shit," Hunter muttered. It wasn't until Alex's head snapped in his direction that he realized he had actually said it aloud. Well, if he had already gone this far… "Just come to bed," he continued. "This doesn't have to be a…" He made a vague hand gesture that could have meant 'ordeal' and shrugged. "I didn't mean to embarrass you, that wasn't – I wasn't making fun of you, or anything. I just want to go to bed."
And I don't want to say it, but I would really like it if you came with me.
It was a thought that took Hunter by surprise, but he didn't question it, he didn't read into it any more than what it was.
It had been nice, having someone hold him. He could admit that. He was secure enough in his masculinity to confirm that. And he didn't mind that the person doing the holding was Alex.
"Please," Hunter murmured, realizing that was the one thing he hadn't said yet. "Please just- come to bed Alex."
If the brunette the left him hanging there, it would be a humiliation Hunter deserved. But he was pretty sure, almost certain…
Alex put down the blanket with a sigh and crossed over towards the stairs.
He paused beside Hunter, and gave him a small look of amusement, a little strained around the edges. "If you insist."
"Damn right I do." Hunter grinned, clapping him on the shoulder, and dutifully led the other man upstairs.
Right. Nothing to look into here.
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Endnotes:
The 'green wizard guy' in question is Xander, the green Mystic Force ranger.
Until next time :)