"Are you sure you want to do this?" I slowly nodded while the blonde hovers over me, biting her lip. She leans down and the next thin I know is that our lips collide. I feel the sensation run through my whole body and shivers run down my spine. When her mouth leaves mine to send trails down my jawline, I feel myself gasping. While her mouth explores my neck, I find my hands tucking at the hem of her shirt. I pull it upwards and she leaves my neck, just to pull her shirt off completely and then returns to her previous actions. I pull her body close to mine, but something feels wrong, and I figure she thinks the same as she pulls up my shirt. I lift my body to give her permission to undress me, which she does, slowly and teasingly. Her mouth finds mine again and she presses her body onto mine. I let out a small moan as I feel the heat of her skin on my skin. She smiles into the kiss and her hands start to make their way down my body and unbutton my pants. My breath hitches when I feel her pulling down my pants plus my panties all at once, while breaking the kiss. She sits up, heavy breathing and watches me for a moment in complete awe. "What?" I ask, slightly out of breath. "Nothing, I guess I just forgot how beautiful you really are." I feel a smile forming on my lips and I pull her on top of me, again. Before our lips connect again, I whisper "Trust me, I could never forget how sexy you look in just your underwear." My voice came out way huskier than I thought. Our lips connect again this kiss is breathtaking. I feel my nails digging in her neck, what makes her moan a bit. She starts to kiss down my neck and makes her way down to my breasts. She opens my bra and pulls it away from me. While she tosses it away with one hand, the other hand softly cups one of my breasts and she starts to massage it. Her mouth found the other breast and she starts sucking on it. I let out a moan, a slightly louder one and she takes that as a hint that she should go down under and her hands leaves my breast to give attention to something else on my body. Before I can feel her hand on my private parts I hear a voice. "Goodness gracious, Paula! Can you not!" My eyes are now wide open, my hands are holding onto my bedsheets, I'm heavy breathing, sweating and … alone. I close my eyes again, swallow hard and take a deep breath. It was all just a fucking dream. The third fucking dream about Amy since we came back from California. "What? It's not my fault she slept in?! Can't I even wake her up?" "No, not today, I heard her from her room, trust me, you don't want to go in there." This sentence is followed by a loud laugh from Paula. "What?! That's amazing, now I really want to go in there." I open my eyes again and sit up straight. I run my hand through my hair and try to calm down from my dream. A second later Paula stands in my room, with a slightly disappointed expression on her face. "What a bummer, I thought you were masturbating." I shoot her a look of hatred and start to get out of the bed. "Why the freaking hell are you here so goddamn early?" I throw a pillow at her what hits her right in the face, absolutely to my amusement. She starts to giggle and throws the pillow back, she misses me, but I don't think she intended to hit me in the face with it. "Well sleepyhead, we had plans for this beautiful morning, remember? You asked me to pick you up for brunch. Here I am, ready and hungry, and there you are, sleepy and … well … you know." She bursts out laughing again. I sigh and get up. "I need to shower first-" "-to wash off the shame of you wet dream?" She interrupts me with a serious expression. "No, just because of personal hygiene and stuff? Ever heard of that?" She smiles at me as I pass her on my way to the bathroom. "Yeah, I have, should I join you in the shower, so you don't do anything weird in there?" She winks at me. She can't be serious about that, is she? No, never. "You wish." I answer with a raised eyebrow and shut the door in her face.

This cold shower is everything I needed, why do I always dream about Amy, and why always like this? Why can't I dream about her in a way I might experience it one day? I talked to her everyday in the week I've been home now and it's like the last decade never happened, we talk to each other like we always did, the jokes, the trust, we tell each other everything again. Well almost everything, I obviously don't tell her about my dreams. I haven't told anybody, but Shane asked me about it the other day, because I might have been a bit louder than he thought I could be. And well, Paula knows now, too … at least somehow.

After I got ready to go, I drive us to our favorite little café on the outskirts of town. We get the same as always, the "couple plate" that normally only new couples get, because it's oh so romantic. We get it, because it's our favorite food and we're a bit cheap when it comes to buying food. "So, I was wondering," Paula starts while digging in the eggs. "You told me that Amy always swears and that she always had a pretty vulgar vocabulary, right?" I look up to her from my plate, a questioning look on my face. "Yeah, so?" She looks at me with a frown on her face. "Well, how come she's with someone who hates swearing?" I shake my head slightly and try to figure out where that came from. "Erm, I don't know? I didn't even know Oliver dislikes swearing." Her eyes widen a bit, "You didn't? Well, he told me in his office. We talked about language and stuff and he says it sounds illiterate when people use vulgar expressions." I turn my back to my food and continue eating. "I heard that people who swear a lot are way more sincere and honest whit other people." I say nonchalant. Paula looks up in the air for a moment and then looks down at her plate again. "Kinda true, yeah. I mean, we're pretty sincere, aren't we?" I look at her with a grin on her face. "Are you telling me I'm vulgar?" She throws her hands up in defense. "What? No! I would never say that!" I start to giggle. "Take a chill pill, honey, I know you didn't say that." She sighs and pouts at me. We eat for a moment in silence, before she starts to speak again. "You know, I thought it was so interesting. I didn't hear her swear the whole time we were there, only at Liam's art thingy, she was so pissed then and started to yell and everything, remember?" As if I could forget that. She had a full on melt down, because Liam refused to let her talk to me, it was rather interesting to see that. Well, the whole vernissage was kinda … how should I put it? … Eventful. "He probably forbids her to say bad words." I draw quotation marks in the air while saying "bad words" and Paula can't help it and lets out a laugh. "Yeah, probably, but you can't encage the raging beast." She says with a wink. The raging beast, that's a pretty unusual thing to call Amy, but it somehow works after we saw that. We sit there in silence again and eat our food. I start to think that something's odd today. Usually the silence between us is the comforting and not the awkward kind. Today is the day where it turned awkward. Paula must've sensed it, because she starts to talk again. "Hey so, when are you gonna move to LA again? I mean it must be rather soon, right?" It's not like I completely forgot that the label wants me to move to LA and everything, but I don't like to think about it. Leaving Paula and Shane behind makes me more than sad. And living in the same city as Oliver makes me kinda aggressive. Something is so off with this guy and I still can't put a finger on what it is. I realize that she's staring at me. "What? I totally forgot your question, I'm so sorry." She frowns a bit, but repeats her question. "I asked when you're leaving to LA for good." I shake my head slightly and smile at her. I know that she's scared to be without me, but this beats everything. "I'm not going for good, I would never leave you here. And we also talked about how you could become the best journalist ever, by writing about me in LA." I wink at her. She looks at her food and smiles foolishly. God, this girl can be so cute, I wonder why she has nobody in her life, in romantic terms. "Can you now answer my question, please?" She still smiles at her food. "Oh yeah, sorry. I'm going to move in two weeks, and these weeks will be perfect with you." The smile on her face vanishes and she looks at me. "How? How are they going to be perfect? I have so much work to do at the pub and at the paper and everything." She must be really concerned about this. "First, I have lots of gigs in the pub and second, I have nothing better to do than sitting next to you at the counter while you work." I take her hand over the table. "Look, I will try to make these weeks the perfect weeks you'll ever know. Just trust me for once." She looks at our hands with a sincere look of sadness. "It's just that I will miss you, I'll miss seeing you like every day, and I'll miss talking to you. We did this for so long now, I don't know if I can survive without you. You have Amy there and I have nobody here." I can see tears forming in her eyes and I squeeze her hand lightly. "Hey, look at me," She looks up from our hands, and the first tear escapes her eyes. "This is us you're talking about. You're my best friend in the whole wide world. You're the best person I have in my life. Not even Amy can replace you, you know that. And you have Shane here, and Lauren. I know, Lauren dislikes me, but she likes you. You have your fashion stuff you guys can talk about." I realize that I start to ramble and just stop talking. "Oh I know that Amy will replace me one day, or the other." Paula mumbles under her breath, probably not for me to hear, so I pretend that I didn't I really didn't want to start a fight right now. Not since we're going to spend the whole day together. This is the first time since we came back, because she had so much work to do at the paper.

I lie on my bed and toss a tennis ball against the wall repeatedly. In the background are the soft tunes by Janet Devlin. I kinda listen to When we were Young on repeat, no particular reason whatsoever, I just feel like it. I do this for an hour now, or at least it feels like an hour, I probably wasted way less time than that when Liam bursts in my room. "I'm fine with your excessive music, I told you before, but you're hammering this ball against the wall that faces my room for over two hours now, so could you please stop?! Some people are trying to concentrate and get stuff done!" I stick my middle finger in his direction without saying a word. Seriously? I've been lying here for two hours? What time is it now? And why am I so impatient? I don't even know what I'm waiting for. "Seriously Raudenfeld, if I hear this ball one more time I'm gonna throw you out of this window." He tries to stay calm. I still don't look at him and just shrug. "Pass me the ball." I frown. "Pass it over, or I come and take it myself." I slowly turn my head in his direction. "What the fuck, Liam? Get your hussy ass out of my room, I don't feel like talking." Liam sighs and rolls his eyes. "Seriously? Since Karma was here, your swearing got ridiculous. And you know who's gonna hate that? Your fiancé, might wanna think about him for a second." I throw the ball at him. "Here you have your ball that you so desperately need, now fuck off, wanker!" He catches it and walks out of the room, he's almost completely gone when he turns his head over the shoulder and looks at me. "I told you that she's bad news, I told you not to start talking to her again. Why don't you listen to me at least once?" I stare at the ceiling again. "Bite me, Liam." He sighs and closes the door.

Karma is seriously not the problem. The problem is that I'm overwhelmed with everything in my life and I have no clue what to do. I mean seriously, all I want to do is sitting in my room 24/7 and not talk to anybody. I lift my head and look at my laptop. Why have I such a problem to write at the moment, normally the stories just get to me one after the other, but for three days straight I haven't written a single word. I'm fucked, completely fucked.

I decide to just lie there for a while longer and soon my head is filled with the lyrics of the song again.

The monsters that were once under my bed
Now you you can only find them in my head
And all our fears of make-believe were never there
When we were young, oh, when we were young

I think back to the time I slept over at Karma's and she had this nightmare. She dreamed that someone was chasing her and the only way out was to jump off a cliff. I told her that if she'd hold my hand, she would never fall. She held my hand for the rest of the night, even while she slept and she did that every night afterwards, too. She even told me that she had problems sleeping without me next to her.

Never felt so old in my whole life
Still so young but I'm longing for the child inside
I wish I could to turn back time
To when we were young, oh, when we were young

I discovered Janet when I was in Ireland. I even went to a concert of hers. It was amazing and she reminded me so much of Karma. She shouldn't have, because when she's on stage, her body language still shows that she's insecure and shy. And that she has no idea what the people in the audience think about her voice, her songs and well, her music. She basically represents what Karma is inside. And that's what I love so much about her music.

Don't wanna be running, don't wanna be hiding
Don't wanna think about the morning
Wish I could be higher than I once was

Lying here I also remember when Karma told me a secret about her. A secret that really scared me, but I was so glad that she shared it with me. She told me, that her real fear of heights is not that she might fall, or yes, somehow it is that fear, too. But somehow the bigger fear about this whole thing is that Karma is afraid she might jump. You know, this typical feeling when you're walking next to someone on a bridge and your head has the nerve to think 'I could throw you off this bridge, so easily'. This is a weird thing to think, but so many people think it in fact. And her mind goes even a step further. She doesn't think about killing herself, she loves life as it is way too much for that. She really is a happy personality.

The theme song from Pretty Little Liars takes me away from the fairies and back to reality. I now realize what I missed the whole day so far. Karma hasn't called me, yet. I look at my phone and caller-ID tells me, that it really is Karma who calls me. A sudden smile forms on my mouth and I pick up the phone.

"Hey, buttface." I can almost feel her smile through the phone.

"Well hello my beautiful lady, how's the day so far?"

"It's fine, as always and yours?"

I hear her sigh on the other end of the line, but she doesn't say anything.

"What?"

"You're a bad lyer, you should train more … or not, but what's wrong?"

I frown. "Nothing, really … I just have a writer block and I'm back to my old habit of swearing and everything is weird, I don't know."

She lets out a small laugh. "Why are you laughing at that?"

"Well, I was just talking with Paula about your language and I think it's quite funny that you swear again. I like it when you give people attitude, that's one of your best traits."

I can't help but smirk into the phone. This girl always knows how to make me smile.

"As for the writers block, it always helped you to read or to watch a TV-show … I bet you haven't watched PLL in a long time now."

My eyes widen, how does she know all of that?

"You're right, I really should do that. Thank you so much. But now to you, how's your day?"