~**Chapter 14: Bella's POV**~
I wake up just before my alarm went off not surprised to find I'm alone in bed. When Paul stays the night, he likes to get up early and have a cup of coffee with Charlie before he heads to work. The first time they had their morning coffee, it was Charlie's idea to pick Paul for information. Now it's become a ritual and I love it. I love just how well Paul gets along with my family. Sometimes my mom will join them but usually she lets them have their time and she comes in to badger me about the night before. Trying to get any juicy details but I make it a point to not have sex with Paul if they're home.
I quickly shower and get around so I can get downstairs to see my favorite guys before they both leave and I have to get to school. When I get downstairs I first look at Paul who gives me his big beautiful smile that makes my heart melt. I smile back walking towards him.
"Now Bella, you better kiss your dad's cheek before you kiss Paul or else plates will fly," My mom jokes.
I laugh and change directions to hug Charlie before pecking his cheek. "Morning Dad!" I say cheerfully.
"Morning Bella," my dad responds.
I walk over to Paul and kiss his cheek as well. "Morning love," he smiles taking my hand.
"Morning darling, morning mom," I say looking between them.
"Morning baby girl," my mom walks over kissing the top of my head.
We eat some breakfast quickly before we all go our separate ways. I pull up to the school and meet up with my girls at my locker before we go to our first classes. Edward looks at me and flashes a smile that I promptly ignore just like any other morning. Word on the street is him and Alice stopped fucking around. I hope he doesn't think that he's coming back this way because I'm all the way good over here.
School is literally one of the last places I want to be right now especially with spring break being a week and a half away. The whole gang is going to North Carolina where my beach house is. It took a lot of convincing from all parents involved but we finally got it. My parents went down last month to get it all cleaned and ready for our upcoming trip. There's 4 bedrooms and 2 ½ bathrooms right off of Carolina Beach in Wilmington. I always loved going to the beach house and now it's mine. I hope to be able to spend a lot of time there. Right now I'm sitting in study hall creeping on my phone trying to find fun stuff for us to do while we're there. I'm so engrossed in my screen that I don't notice Jasper across from me until he speaks to me.
"Hey there Bell, what cha lookin' at?" he asks.
"Just stuff to do on spring break. How are you doing?" I look up at him.
"I'm doin' alright. How're things with your man friend?" he genuinely asks.
I smile fondly thinking of Paul. "Things are amazing with him. I'm so happy," I say honestly.
He nods and smiles the grin I used to think was sexy. "I can definitely see that. I'm happy for you, Bell," he tells me.
"Thank you. How about you? Is there a special lady in your life?" I actually want to know.
"Nah, I'm a single pringle," he jokes.
"Just wait until college Jas, bitches will be throwing themselves at you. But wait for a good girl, get you a girl with good brains. And I do mean that both ways," I say winking at him.
Jasper lets out a loud laugh drawing attention to our table not that I care. I do notice Alice looking this way. She's been trying to make small talk with me for a while now but I've just one word answered her. I have no time for her fake ass. Sometimes I think I miss her and then I remember that she fucked my ex while he was still my boyfriend. What kind of "best friend" does some shit like that? I feel myself sigh looking back at her until she finally looks away. Jasper follows the trail my eyes lead him on and he notices who I'm looking at.
"Aww Bell, don't worry 'bout her. She fucked up," he says.
"Yeah I know, part of me wants to just tell her I've forgiven her but that we still can't be friends while another part of me misses her a little. It just sucks that she betrayed me like that," I respond sadly.
"Well maybe try having a conversation with her. Probably through text ain't no telling what could happen if it was in person. Even though she fucked up I wouldn't want you to beat her ass," he reasons.
"Maybe you're right. I might. We shall see," I ponder the idea.
Thankfully, the rest of the day passes uneventfully. I'm just glad to be finished with school for the day. I wish I could just take all of my finals and be done with school now. High school pisses me off and I'm so close to the end that it feels like time has come to a standstill. The countdown to graduation has already begun and the wait is real! Paul is at the shop this afternoon so the girls and I decide to hang out at Ren's for a while until it's time to meet up with him. We all take our own cars since Ren's driveway can accommodate all vehicles. As usual Ren's mom, Esme, is home and she's got snacks set out for us. Once Esme goes to her office, I mention my conversation with Jasper to the girls.
"Uhm, are you gonna?" Ren asks tilting her head.
"I mean I think so. I'm not trying to be friends or hang out with her. But if I don't forgive her I'm just gonna be a bitter bitch and that's just not me, ya know?" I reason.
"That's really mature of you Bella. And I really mean that," Ang says.
"I'm glad you guys think so. So what should I say? I'm gonna do it by text just to be safe," I inform them. We go back and forth for a bit on what to say and finally come to an agreement.
Hey Alice, I just want to let you know that I do forgive you for the shit that happened with Edward. And I'm sorry about the fight at school. But I do want to specify that this isn't me saying that we're gonna be buddy-buddy again because it's not like that. I forgive you but I'm still hurt by your actions.
I reread the text before hitting send and realize eventually Edward is going to have to receive this same type of conversation at some point. Paul would lose his shit if he knew that thought crossed my mind but deep down I know I'm right. The girls and I attempt to do some homework while we are together but naturally we just talk the whole time. We talk about our boys and the upcoming trip excitedly. All of the parents said they'd feel more comfortable if an adult went so we nominated Paul's grandmother. She is in dire need of a vacation but also agrees in giving us space to do our own thing so it's a win-win.
My phone chime brings me out of my thoughts and I feel my heart rate speed up. I take a glance at it and notice that it's a text from Paul, not Alice like I originally thought. The girls laugh at my reaction so I throw a pillow in their direction before actually reading Paul's message.
Hey babe, I'm almost done with work. Your place or mine tonight?
Yours. I'm with the girls now so I'll meet you there in a bit.
Okay, love you see you soon.
Love you too baby. Drive careful.
Just as I'm responding to Paul I get another incoming text and this one is from Alice. I read it aloud to Ren and Ang. "Thanks Bella, that means a lot. I miss you so much. I hope one day we'll be able to make up and be friends again but I understand why that can't be right now. I'm truly sorry I did that fucked up shit to you. It wasn't worth our friendship or hurting you."
"Wow," Ang says.
"At least she apologized," Ren shrugs.
I just sigh. "Yeah. I'm not gonna respond. There's nothing left to say. I do feel a bit better since I texted her though. Like a weight off of my shoulder," I explain.
"I can imagine. I don't wanna be the one to say it but you do know you're gonna have to forgive the other person in the situation to be completely free of the weight, right?" Ang tells me with Ren nodding sadly.
"Yeah I know. I'm gonna have to consult with Paul about that though. I thought about it earlier and there's no way he's gonna allow it to happen without him being there. Not that I would ever do that, I don't wanna be alone with Edward ever," I clarify.
"Hell no, that motherfucker would probably try to kidnap you or something!" Ren exclaims.
"I don't know. I mean Charlie is the Chief of Police. I would like to hope he wasn't dumb enough to kidnap me after slapping me," I chuckle.
"You never know motherfuckers are crazy these days," Ren says making us laugh.
I help the girls clean up the mess and then make my escape towards Paul's house. I'm pulling up at the same time as Anne so I wave and smile before hopping out. She's got a bunch of groceries so I help her carry them in the house. She asks me how my day was and what else I need to do before we leave for our trip. I assure that all I need to do is pack a bag and hop on the plane. We share a laugh as we put her groceries away. After a few more minutes, I wander upstairs to find Paul and stop when I hear him singing in the shower.
If I never get to see the Northern Lights, if I never get to see the Eiffel Tower at night, oh, if all I got is your hand in my hand, baby I could die a happy man."
I sneak in the bathroom and start to sing with him making him pop his head out of the shower curtain. He beckons me forward but shakes his head when I move towards him. Deep down I know he wants me to join him in the shower. "Your grams is literally down the stairs!" I whisper yell.
"I'm not gonna fuck you in the shower. I just want you in here with me. I need help washing my back," he pouts at me.
"I probably would have gotten in quicker if you said we were gonna fuck in the shower," I say starting to remove my clothes. Once I'm completely naked I get in the shower with him. I slip right into the shower spray letting him wash my hair. "Sing me another song Paul," I quietly demand.
I love when he sings to me just like he loves when I sing to him. When we sing together I always picture us singing a duet about our love in place of saying vows at our wedding. I definitely want to do that with him. I lean back into him fully while he starts singing Lemonade by Passion to me. I love how soulful Paul's voice is and it fits perfectly with this song. The way he sings the words let me know he means them 100%. I turn around to face him and lock my eyes on his viewing the love he has for me in them. I know mine reflect the love but I still decide to lean up and kiss him hard on his mouth. I navigate him away from the water so I can soap him up and sing a song to him as well. I decide on Always Need You by Melissa Polinar to show some one of my love towards him. He smiles down at me and kisses my forehead. Once we're all finished rinsing off we head into his room.
I push him down on the bed gently and then climb on top of him. I straddle his thighs and lean down to kiss him passionately. We don't always take it slow but today is going to be one of those days. I just want him to know how much I truly care about him. I slowly sink down on his dick while looking into his eyes. I love the sigh of content he makes at the same time I let out a low moan. I set a slow but steady pace as Paul touches me all over. He sits up and pulls my face to his for a gentle kiss. "I love you so much Bella," he whispers against my lips.
"I love you more," I tell him looking right in his eyes so he can see the truth.
He gently shakes his head and rolls us over so that he's on top of me. I moan as he slides deeper inside of me, whispering his name like a prayer. He gives me all types of kisses and bites from my neck to my shoulders. I run my hands up his arms and down his sides before wrapping my legs around him tighter. I feel like I could easily float away without his body weight on me but I'm glad he's holding me here. Life is much better with Paul in it. He's so considerate and loving, I can't think of one thing I don't love about him. He, literally, fits me so well in every aspect. I raise a hand to touch his face before bringing it down to mine. "Cum with me baby, I'm so close," he tells me.
I simply nod and do as I'm told with him following immediately. Afterwards we lay wrapped up in each other, just talking about our day. He tells me about the massive tattoo he's started on a customer while I tell him about texting Alice. He looks at me surprised and asks how it went. I tell him exactly how it goes but he can sense there's more. Of course he asks and I hesitate to tell him searching for the right words.
"Eventually, not anytime soon, I'm gonna have to have a similar conversation with Edward," I say sheepishly.
"Bella you owe him nothing," he grabs my face making me look at him.
"I know but in order for me to be completely happy with you and myself I have to forgive him," I try to reason.
"You can forgive him without having to tell him that you do. I thought you didn't want anything more to do with him," he says sitting up.
"I don't! I swear I don't. And you fucking know that. I just wanna be at peace Paul. I felt so much better telling Alice. I just thought maybe I'd be even more better if I told him too," I scoot off the bed and begin pacing.
"Okay, so go ahead, Bella. Send him the text. Watch him start stalking you again. I can't keep fighting people for you Bella, I'm a tattoo artist. I need my fucking hands!" he snaps.
"You know what Paul. Never-fucking-mind. I shouldn't have brought it up. God forbid I want to be mature about it. God forbid I want to completely close that last chapter of my life so I can move on with you. Maybe I just wanted some fucking support when I met up with him to tell him to his face!" I start pulling on some clothes.
"What the fuck do you mean when you meet up with him?! What the fuck are you thinking Bella? What the fuck do you think is gonna fucking happen when you see him? Why the fuck would you think that I'd be okay with you meeting up with your ex? How the fuck would you feel if fucking Emily was around and I asked you to see her to gain some closure?! For God's sake Bella you're so fucking smart but that whole idea is just fucking stupid! Use your head! What'd you do come here to butter me up so you could drop that fucking bomb on me? Did you think I'd be more okay with it because of that? Fucking answer me Bella!" He yells.
I look at him with tears in my eyes. I knew he'd be mad but I didn't think it'd get this out of control. "I said nevermind Paul. No I didn't just sleep with you to butter you up for that conversation. Obviously, I said something to you because I wanted you to be there when I did talk to him. If you wanted to do the same with Emily, I would stand by you and support you. Because I fucking love you and I trust you. Apparently, you don't trust me. I'm gonna go," I say letting the tears fall down my face.
I snatch up the rest of my shit and run from his room. He calls out to me but doesn't follow as he's still standing in his room naked. I shout a quick goodbye to Anne before busting out of the house and sprinting to my car. I start it and speed out of the driveway though I'm not sure where to go. I don't want to go home upset, no need to stress out my parents over a misunderstanding. I also don't want to go anywhere he could easily find me because I know he's not far behind me. Making a split decision I hop on the highway and speed to Port A to my favorite bookstore. Of course Paul starts calling my phone but I turn it off. Fuck him. I can't believe he said spoke to me like that. I wipe the tears off of my face and continue on towards Port Angeles. I turn the music up loud to drown out the replaying of that fight with Paul. After what seems like forever I get close to my little piece of heaven on earth but decide to park far away. I felt it would be a good idea to park behind a bunch of vehicles in case Paul decides to come here looking for me.
I stop in my favorite coffee shop to get my usual before heading into the bookstore. I go into my favorite corner in the back after grabbing a random book to pretend to look at. I just love the smell of pages in books. It calms me down so much and I definitely need it right now. For an older guy Paul sure can be a bit immature at times. Or maybe I'm the immature one and just don't see how serious this is to him. No, fuck that. I was open with him. It's not my fault he jumped the gun and spazzed out before I could fully explain to him. His quick temper makes me wanna smack the shit out of him sometimes. I'd never actually hit him but that doesn't stop the urge to want to sometimes.
I sit in the bookstore for a good hour and half before I decide to head home. I don't bother turning my phone on because there's really no reason to. I'm not going to use it while I drive so whoever is trying to contact me can continue to wait a little longer. I finally get on my street only to see Paul's truck in front of my house. Fuck. I take my time getting out and walking into the house trying to steel myself for whatever is about to happen. Thankfully, my dad isn't home so it's just Paul and my mom inside.
"Bella, is that you honey?" my mom shouts out.
"Yeah, it's me," I answer in a normal tone.
"Come in the kitchen please," she says in a motherly tone.
I slowly walk in and lean on the frame leading into the kitchen. Paul is at the table looking at me pleadingly but I look away and stare at my mom. "What's going on?" she asks.
"Well I'm sure you already know since Paul's in here looking guilty as hell," I practically growl.
"Bella, come sit down and explain what's going on. Paul only said you guys had a fight and that he couldn't get ahold of you or find you," my mom says.
"I'm find standing," I tell her before launching into the story. I start with texting Alice and finish with the argument and leaving Paul's house. Once I finally and fully explain my thoughts and reasoning he understands and apologizes to me. I nod and go to the fridge to get a drink.
"Say something Bella," he pleads after my mom leaves the kitchen.
"What do you want me to say Paul? That I forgive you? Why should I when you yelled at me for wanting to give someone else that same thing?" I say allowing how hurt I am to come out as well.
"Yes, I want you to forgive me. I'm sorry I said hurtful things to you but please try to see it from my side. Put yourself in my shoes," he pleads.
"I did, Paul. That's why I brought it up to you in the first place. I was so confident in how you felt about me that I knew I'd be okay with you doing the same to Emily. That man fucked my best friend and slapped me in the face. Why would I want anything to do with him? Why can't you understand that this is something I need to do for you and I?" I ask tearing up again.
"Don't cry Bella. Whatever you wanna do we can do it. Please just let us move past this," he says grabbing my hands.
"Obviously I'm not giving up on you because of an argument. And we're gonna be fine. I just, I need tonight away from you. And I think you need it away from me too," I tell him as I wrap my arms around him.
"If you feel that's best…" he leads off.
"I do. I'll talk to you later," I tell him before pulling away and heading upstairs. I don't wait to see him leave, there's no point. I know I'll end up at his house tonight because I miss him already. I don't know why I sent him away. I guess I want him to learn his lesson. I will not be talked to any type of way because I could leave and that's that. I bet it will be a long time before he fucks up like this again. But that's what love is; making mistakes, learning from them and offering forgiveness.