Hale No, Hale Yes
Chapter 14
Published: September 9, 2010
Disclaimer: Twilight not mine. This story is. Quotes as per bottom of page. For longer disclaimer, see Chapter One.
AN: My special thanks to: kBlackNightingale, my fab beta. She is also responsible for some of the quirky remarks since I plagiarize her beta comments and use them for Alice's brain sometimes. Thank you for your words and for your encouragement and your grammar skills.
vampireisthenewblack and rhenea5018 - Again, thank you.
And my readers: Please enjoy the small amount of slash that is in this chapter, a small tribute to my lovely reviewers who have followed me along this and other fics of mine. But needless to say, thank you to all of you.
"Whoa!"
I turned to Rosalie, repeatedly pointing at the two naked men. Her hands were firmly still over her eyes.
"Tell me about it!"
I turned back to Edward and Jasper.
"Whoa!" I repeated. "Whoa, hey, wow! Oh my God! It's even huger in daylight!"
"Alice! That's my brother! I don't need a running commentary!"
"They is nekkid!"
(My papa once said, "What is the difference between Naked and Nekkid? Naked means you ain't got no clothes on. Nekkid means you ain't got no clothes on and you're up to somethin'." And oh my God - Edward and Jasper? They were naked. No, correct that. They were nekkid. And so up to something. Actually, more like something is up! Not so innocent and sweet...) Like a replaying dream, I stared, not able to tear my eyes away as Edward and Jasper went at it like bunnies under the cover of trees at the roadside, and I got my own personal boy porn show. NSFW! NSFW!
Question - why were they there? And why are they doing that on the roadside? (Really, Alice? Who cares?) But then any and all questions were swept away as Edward's tongue glided along Jasper's full lips, parting them, and slipped in. However, unlike the last time I had watched them, they weren't slow about it. It was a ravening feast... of two very, very fine specimens. (Of which I was most appreciative.)
Two sets of fingers gripped hair tightly whilst two sets of lips crashed together, planting hot, passionate kisses on one another. The bronze tones of Edward's hair contrasted with the paleness of Jasper's. Beautiful.
Pausing, they leaned their foreheads into the crook of each other's neck, hair brushing forward to lay damply against bare skin, but I could see that they had not stopped. There was still evidence of nipping and stroking. Damn, I could feel my nipples hardening in mute response to the sight before me.
Gently, Jasper reached up and ran his fingers through Edward's hair, letting his fingers glide through the hair, now dark with moisture. A gentle kiss, a sweep of the tongue...
Almost simultaneously, Edward's hands moved to grip Jasper's ass as Jasper's hands gripped his face, and tongues thrust eagerly together into open and willing mouths, rhythmically in time to their hips grinding against one another.
The curve of Jasper's ass - Edward's hand curved protectively and possessively around it - clenched and unclenched as Edward pulled Jasper into the curve of his own body. Jasper's hips rocked purposely against Edward and oh holy sweet mother of fucking mercies, he moaned. Loudly. Enough to hear it in the car (of course I had wound the window down! What do you take me for?)
Two very turgid, hot and twitching, throbbing cocks creating friction between them.
My breathing became erratic as I gazed rather avidly, wondering what was going to happen.
Jasper took control, sliding ever so slowly down his man's bare and beautiful skin, kissing, caressing as he went. A pause at the nipples, controlled, teasing, flicks to the hardened nubs; a slow traverse from chest down to navel; the long, slow trail of the tongue along the 'happy trail'...
I'm goin down down, baby, yo' street in a Range Rover (c'mon)
Street sweeper baby, cocked ready to let it go (HOT SHIT!)
Shimmy shimmy cocoa what? Listen to it pound
Light it up and take a puff, pass it to me now
(WTF, Brain? Nelly's Country Grammar may be inappropriate here, but it's what I heard in my head as Jasper teased his way down to Edward's cock. I think my brain may have malfunctioned from all the hot action.)
Talking of hot action...
Oh holy fuck! I gulped hard when Jasper straightened and smirked at his lover before getting down on his knees.
Ah, fuck me. Fuck. Me. A beautiful cry from a beautiful man as his blond lover nipped at his hipbone before going to work on his cock.
"Alice?" Oh Rose.
Edward's head was thrown back, his throat arched and his Adam's apple bobbing, ragged breaths leaving his parted lips while Jasper was on his knees.
"Alice?" Yes, Rose, oh yes, Rose! I was getting all hot and very, very bothered. Any minute now and I was going to accost the pretty blonde woman in my car, calling my name. Botheration. Wait, calling my name?
The sound of my car door opening alerted me to the fact that my pretty blonde was not bothered in the same way as I, and the slamming of her car door was enough for the boys to pause in their shenanigans.
I stared at my ferocious woman stalking towards her brother and his lover, like an avenging angel, though to be honest, she sounded a little more like a banshee. (Oops. Don't tell her I said that.)
Two pairs of eyes, startled and wide, took in her approaching form and before my very eyes, Edward hit Jasper on the back of the head - causing Jasper's mouth to open - pulled his cock out from his mouth, jumped away and started dressing. Boy, I bet he has never moved so damn fast.
Jasper on the other hand, took his leisurely time about getting up; Edward struggling into his shirt while Jasper stayed upon his knees.
She shrieked, "Jasper bane-of-my-existence Hale! What the hell do you think you are doing?"
In the car, I put up my hand and bounced in my seat. "I know! I know! He's doing Edward!" (I don't think she heard me. Thank fuck for that.)
He stared at his sister churlishly, who was stalking towards his - very nude - self. In a wry voice, he answered, "Communing with the wilderness? What do you think, sister dearest? Having sex. Outdoors. I have 99 problems and one of them was not having sex outdoors."
"You have to be freaking kidding me!" Arms akimbo, Rosalie stared down at her brother.
"I'm not."
She was incredulous. "Seriously?"
"Seriously." Jasper was very serious. Even though he was still upon his knees... and naked. Reminded me very much of James. Completely, unequivocally unabashed about his naked form. Ah, good times. Good, great times. I struggled to free myself of my seat belt; I needed to go help. Yeah whatever, there were naked men! I got out of the car and ran towards them. I was going to help. Truly.
"Seriously?" I heard Rosalie repeating herself, but aiming the question at Edward, who was still struggling to get dressed.
It was Jasper who answered, having risen to his feet. Planting his hands on his hips, he too repeated himself, but with indignation in his voice. "Seriously!"
Reaching her side, I laughed as I grabbed her hand in mine. Naked men! Score! Gay porn - double score! I tried to wipe the smirk off my face. An exasperated sigh left Rose's lips as she stopped, took one look at my arrival at her side before she picked up his shirt and threw it at him.
"Are you still looking?" she muttered in an aside to me.
"Ya-huh!" Um, duh!
Sniffing disdainfully, she said to Jasper, "I'm not playing with you, you sexed up brother of mine. Now why?"
I wondered, 'Did she mean that as a 'why I am not playing with you?' or 'why sex here now' kind of question?' I wouldn't mind having both answered, just quietly.
Thrusting his arms into his sleeves, Jasper explained, "Because Edward got distracted when I tried giving him road head and we ended up in the ditch. What else is there to do, but take cover under the trees while we waited for someone to come along." Having stepped into his pants, he quickly pocketed his boxers. "I was trying to take his mind off the possibly long wait, and the damage to the car, and well, we got a little carried away."
"But it's in public! Why do you have this penchant to do this in public all the time?"
He spoke as if to a child. "It's outdoor sex." Naturally.
"In public!" she seethed.
"Um, hello? Outdoor sex," he stated as if that explained everything. It did, it truly did.
I sniggered. "He really reminds me of James," I said to Rosalie. She gave me a withering glance. I shrugged in my defense.
To Jasper, I called out, "You're not the strong silent type, I see, Jasper. More the action hero/G.I. Joe kind of thing. But outdoor sex? Where people can just pass and see you? Exhibitionist tendencies much? Might as well have found a glass elevator. We can call you Wonka!" I chuckled at my own joke.
But it wasn't Jasper who answered.
Edward turned his head to me and cocked it to the side. When he spoke, it was in a tone of voice I hadn't heard before and it made my toes curl in my boots. "Hullo, Alice. Like what you see?" My breath left me in a whoosh. Oh my, the charm flowed and I could see just what it was about Edward's bedside manner that drew Jasper. His voice alone was to die for. He carried on flirting with his eyes and that tone of voice, "We could have done with you thirty minutes ago when we were playing naked hide and seek. Jasper cheats. He always cheats. I bet you wouldn't cheat though."
I could feel my mouth opening and closing as I was stunned into silence.
"I'm his bitch, I'm his lover, I am his, to discover. I'm a sinner, I'm a saint, I do not feel ashamed." To my utter surprise, Edward was singing his own parody of Meredith Brooks as I continued to gape, stunned to the spot.
Jasper smiled, silently apologizing for Edward's behaviour, "Lost for words? Just nod yes and we'll call you next time."
I found myself about to nod (don't tell me you weren't about to because you'd be lying through your teeth) then Jasper winked at me and gave me the casting couch look. You know, the one that peruses your person and either makes you feel horny or exposed. Right now, it's more the latter bringing to mind the 'Incident'.
Recovering somewhat, I threw him a dirty look. "Don't look at me like that!"
"Like what?" he asked innocently.
"Like you've seen me naked!"
He spread his hands in front of him and shrugged. "Technically you weren't naked..."
The chorus of "Jasper!" sounded loudly in the open air. Obviously, I wasn't the only one who thought that remark was a little inappropriate under the circumstances.
Fully dressed, Edward started to walk to Rosalie, his hands deprecatingly spread before him. I think he was hoping to soothe her. I snorted. Oh this would be interesting. Good luck with that.
"Rose... beautiful Rosalie. My best friend Rosalie..." he started to say, but she interrupted.
"Don't." Her tone was firm, crisp and... final. And calm. Eerily calm. It freaked the fuck out of me because it showed just how angry she really was. The 'calm before the storm' kind of calm. Her voice was low as she quietly ranted, "You're fucking my brother at both ends, whenever and all over this town. You don't get a say right now because anything you say, will be used and held against you. Keep your pretty mouth shut for a little while and I won't get all Gordon Ramsey on you."
"Now there is no need..."
"Am I speaking too fast for your little doctor brain to follow?"
I stifled a giggle and schooled my features into a stern look, turning it towards Edward and Jasper. The two grown men wavered under both of our gazes.
Rose sighed. "Okay, I am going to say it in little tiny words so you can follow it. Really simple. You can react - or not - to what I'm about to say."
The boys looked a little terrified of her. She pointed one finger to my car, stuck in the shoulder of the road, teetering precariously at the edge of the ditch. Oh. I hadn't noticed that when I ran from my car. Good thing, possibly.
"I'm a woman on a mission: sex or death, so don't get in my way and don't cramp my style. Be useful," Rose grated out. Silence greeted her words. Woman on a mission huh? Sex? Awesome! My inner glee was carefully contained. Her voice rose. "Get dressed and help us move our car! Don't be imbeciles! It's not damaged and we can still go on and get out of your way, but the wheels are stuck in the dirt. So get up there and push. It's what you're good at anyway. Pushing. And before you ask, Alice is still an invalid. She shouldn't be out here doing manual labor."
"Bet you'll get her to do other manual labor later though," muttered Jasper darkly as he buckled up his pants. From your lips to God's ears, thanks.
She gave him an angry look. "Just hop to it, exhibitionist boy."
Ah, Rose. My beautiful, talented, gorgeous Rosie - wait, that sounds wrong, I'll never call her that again - my Rosalie shouted out her orders like a military general or the Christmas Nazi. So authoritative, so totalitarian, so frickin' hot!
"Well don't just stand there, Edward. Get those pretty hands on the car and push! Alice!" I started. "Get in the car!" When I stared at her blankly, she ground out through gritted teeth, "Get in the car, put your hands on the big circle thing, it's called a wheel, and turn it when I say. Got it?"
"Yes, ma'am!" The response was automatic. I'm just glad that I didn't salute her as well. God, Rosalie as a dictatorial tyrant was terrifying, yet extremely hot. (And made me wet. Like 'holy hot, oh my God, I almost came' hot!)
After much pushing and shoving the car was back on the road and Rosalie jumped back in the car.
"Well, that's done then," said Jasper somewhat needlessly. Captain Obvious. Good-oh.
I leaned over Rosalie and peered out at him through the open window. "Worst rescue, ever. Just so you know."
"Hey! You're lucky we even helped you. You interrupted us coitus oralis and we could have just ignored you."
Recalling what happened when Rosalie and I were finally noticed at the time, I asked him point blank, "Wouldn't it have been odd staying coitus oralis when the receiver was busy jumping up and dressing?"
Jasper pouted at the truth of my words, sniffed disdainfully, and turned away.
Edward leaned on the sill of the door. "I don't suppose you could drop ...?" Edward left that hanging as he took in Rosalie's glare. "Ah, I'll take that as a 'no' then. Awesome, just awesome." Rosalie pursed her lips, motioned at the dejected Jasper and Edward brightened. Like a fucking tomato. "Ah, right, yes. I'd best be dealing with that then. You sure you don't have time for naked hide and seek? I promise I'll stop him from cheating, if you like."
Rosalie wrinkled her nose at him. "Ew. Thanks, but no. I have but a smidgen left of my brain matter that isn't tainted by the two of you and I'd like to keep it that way."
He smiled and slapped the side of the car. "Okay, we'll do the group hug later then." (Obviously, they seemed to understand one another. Which is good because I sure as hell didn't.)
She grinned. "Yes, let's. It's all about the love. Take care of him, Edward."
"Don't worry, I will. Now keep her in bed. She's an invalid, remember?" Yes, Rose, keep me in bed!
We left the two boys on the side of the road waiting for their tow truck. Rosalie was smiling now, better than the 'hopping mad' she was before and the further away we got from them, the more her smile grew.
"Are you okay?" I asked tentatively. Maybe I misheard her and we weren't really having sex, or maybe she's changed her mind. Maybe tonight isn't going to be the night.
She blew out a soft raspberry and sighed. "Yes, I am. I'm sorry. I just... I don't handle it well when Jasper seems to do the most moronic things. I know that Edward and he, well that is the stuff he dreams of, but at the same time he is so scared of being with Edward that it's like he creates situations where he is going to get caught in a compromising situation just so he can go 'Ha! See, people don't like gay people' and justify why he's not with Edward all the time. They have been in and out of their relationship for years because Jasper gets cold feet."
"Not because he just wants to out himself?" Okay, I guess tonight isn't going to be the night. Damn you, Jasper, damn you.
I tried hard to listen attentively as she continued to talk about her brother. "No. It's like he has this self-destructive tendency. He wants it so much, yet doesn't feel he deserves it. He moved away from Boston and Edward because of it. And hurt Edward in the process. Imbecile."
"He was in Boston?" When will I get the sexing? Tomorrow? The next day? Next week? Will someone get those stupid walking carpets out of my way so I can get laid?
"Yes, Edward was in his residency at Boston Memorial and well... so when the opportunity came to come here, Jasper jumped at it. They were both to move here, but Edward was offered a position in Seattle."
She stopped. I think possibly a good place to change the subject and take her mind off those boys.
"So where are we headed?" I asked. Le sigh. I was reminded of Captain Jack Sparrow attempting to plot a new course in DMC, but his compass refused to work. Sort of like mine as I wasn't sure of her intentions thereby affecting my intentions. Le sigh. But why is the rum always gone? Fuck!
"Don't get me wrong, but I'd really like to be alone with you right now."
Her words came back to me. Well, they never left, really. 'Woman on a mission: sex or death'. (I vote for sex!) I read you loud and clear, Brain.
"There's an inn coming up. Well, it's more a house. I, ah, took some liberties while you were having your shower and checked with Carlisle too. I booked it for us. But we don't have to stay there. I mean, it's not like it's what you have to do, stay there that is. I don't mind."
"I don't mind." No, really, I don't mind. (And now, your highness, we will discuss the location of your hidden rebel base... )
Rosalie interrupted my brain's train of thought, "We can just go on to somewhere else."
(No, no, no! Sex! Inn! Now!)
Her face flushed as she quickly suggested, "Or we can visit someplace and then head back to the Cullens. It's not like we have to find someplace to stay."
"True..." I tarried in my response. (Sex!) Yes brain, I heard you. (Oh thank fuck! I might get sex after all! Thank the fucking everything!) Shut up!
"But obviously it's up to you." She finally stopped talking. Tell her yes! It seemed that she was holding her breath waiting for my answer, but I knew what it would be.
"Rose?" Calmly, I reached over and placed my hand upon the still one on her lap. "Yes. Yes, Rose I would love to stay there with you." 'Sex, sex, sex! Booyah!
She took a deep breath and exhaled it in a rush. "Well, thank fuck for that. Couldn't you have said that earlier instead of waiting for me to run out of breath? I said sex or death. Don't force the latter."
There it was. The explicit moment of truth: Sex or Death. And my Rose chose sex! Roger that, Houston, we have a go. I waited for my brain to break out in a chorus of 'hurrahs' or squee like a fangirl, but no, it was total and complete silence like static over the radio. I think my brain is DED.
~v~
Quotes:
"Don't look at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you've seen me naked." ~ Grey's Anatomy, Derek and Meredith
"What is the difference between Naked and Nekkid? Naked means you ain't got no clothes on. Nekkid means you ain't got no clothes on and you're up to somethin'." ~ Delta Burke, Designing Women
Man on a mission. Sex or death so don't get in my way and don't cramp my style. ~ Kyle Valenti, Roswell
I'm goin down down, baby, yo' street in a Range Rover (c'mon)
Street sweeper baby, cocked ready to let it go (HOT SHIT!)
Shimmy shimmy cocoa what? Listen to it pound
Light it up and take a puff, pass it to me now ~ Nelly, Country Grammar
"Why is the rum always gone?" ~ Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean (he said "Why is the rum gone?" in Curse of the Black Pearl, and "Why is the rum always gone?" in Dead Man's Chest, but the ref was alluded to in At World's End)
'And now, your highness, we will discuss the location of your hidden rebel base...' ~ Darth Vader, Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope.
Ref:
The whole scenario of "Seriously?" "Seriously." "Seriously?" "Seriously!" - now while that might have popped up on a number of shows, I figure that since I have been saying that since I was at junior high, I figure that was a bloody long time ago and I can claim that ref as mine own. However, I will say that it has come up on a number of shows I have happened upon as an adult like Grey's Anatomy, but I swear I said it first!
NSFW - geek term. Not Safe For Work, used to refer to documents or links that would probably get you fired if you were looking at them on worktime. Usually R rated or higher.
DED - meaning to be killed on a grand scale. Geek reference.
And if you don't know Meredith Brooks' 'Bitch' song, you tube it. Edward made up his own words.
Walking carpets - ref to Princess Leia's comment about Chewbacca on Star Wars IV when she was frustrated with Hans Solo. Let's call it sexual tension mixed in with a sexual frustration.