Staying Silent, part fourteen – October
Mike pulled Kate down onto the bed beside him, and wrapped his arms around her.
"I... thought we said..." she started to mumble, but he cut her off.
"Just tonight. You need sleep."
"Nikki tell'd you..."
"Yes. Now shut up and get some damn rest."
The fact that she didn't argue told Mike just how tired she was. After talking to Nikki, he had waited a few minutes, then made his way back over to her, and forcefully dragged her out to a cab. Even knowing that they couldn't risk anyone suggesting that something was going on between them, he had made the call to bring her back to his house.
The night was reasonably warm, and instead of pulling up the blankets, they just used their body heat to keep each other warm. As soon as she dropped the resistance act, and let herself lie flush against him, Kate was falling asleep.
Mike wasn't so lucky. For a long time, he held her, awake, listening to her steady breathing and wondering what was keeping him alert.
You thought she'd moved on? he asked himself. Just because she wasn't breaking into tears every night, you thought she was healing? That was pretty stupid of you.
Nav noticed... of course, Nav shares a cabin with her. Kate didn't want to tell you, either... why? She didn't think she could trust you? Or the stubborn girl wants to deal with everything on her own? No, it can't be that... she knows you're here... doesn't she?
The same thoughts ran through his head, over and over, until he was finally able to drift off.
Only to wake as he felt Kate struggling against his hold, trying to push him off. A low moan escaped her parted lips, and Mike tightened his grip on her shoulders, trying to wake her up.
"Kate, Kate, wake up!" he called softly, shaking her slightly. Her eyes flickered, and she moaned again, her hands coming up to shield her face from some unseen demon.
Mike didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to wake her up, and the more he tried to hold her, the harder she struggled. He felt helpless; he had finally found a threat he couldn't fight, one that was immune to his weapons and words.
Suddenly, she jerked upwards, her eyes opening. She was drenched in sweat, and even though her skin was burning, she was trembling as if cold. Her hair was a mess, plastered to her face and neck. Mike whispered soothingly into her ear, pushing the damp blonde locks away, as her wide eyes locked onto his, searching desperately for security.
"Just a dream," he murmured. You're safe, Kate, you're safe... it was just a dream..."
Upon hearing that, she let out a sob, and her rigid posture caved. She fell forward, her head pressed against his chest while his arms remained wrapped around her. She was still shivering, or maybe she was just crying harder.
Her voice muffled, he heard her whisper three words, and hugged her tighter.
"I hate him," she repeated, half despairing, half snarling.
***
I love her, Lucius thought dimly, as he emerged from the depths of a dream. I love her hair, her skin, her breath, her voice, and her fear. Especially her fear.
Goosebumps danced across his skin, and he felt his pulse quiver with delighted excitement. His bed was barely more than a thin mattress with a pillow up one end and an optional blanket available for winter nights, but right now, there was nowhere he would rather be. He looked up, and a mass of photos stared down at him – some taken from afar, some from up close, but in every single one, he had managed to capture her eyes.
His bed was beneath a large window – the only window – and dawn sunlight was streaming inside. He rolled over and sprang to his feet. He had to be up early for a meeting with Richard and Steve... the last thing he wanted to do. Take some photos of mangroves, some rare bird that was under threat of extinction...
And then try out his new number. He shrugged into some clean clothes, trying to think positively about the day – at least there was something to look forward to.
***
"You should have told me," Mike said, carefully depositing a mug of tea on the table in front of Kate's hands. They had both managed to glean a few more hours of sleep before dawn rolled around, but were still tired.
"Why should I have told you?" Kate asked, some of her usual obstinance returning to her.
"Because it was affecting your ability to perform your duties..."
"Oh bull," she cut in. "And what would you have done if I had?"
"I wouldn't have let you on those boarding parties, for a start..."
"Exactly," Kate growled. Mike sighed, sick of her stubbornness.
"Right, well I know now... and if this doesn't stop, you can't continue risking yourself and your team –"
"You're taking my boarding parties?"
"I'll make you take a bloody leave of absence if you keep arguing about it," Mike snapped. Kate's mouth dropped open in surprise.
"You wouldn't..."
"If I don't, and something happens, the entire Navy will know what's been happening, and not only will you be in trouble, so will I, for not looking out for the wellbeing of my officers."
"Bull," Kate repeated. Mike raised an eyebrow, and to avoid the moment, she chugged down half her tea, trying not to wince as she scalded her tongue.
Eventually, she sighed softly, putting the mug down.
"So what do we do?" she asked. He considered.
"Do you think it would help if we –"
"No."
"You don't even know what I was going to say!" Mike spluttered.
"You were going to suggest we go to the police," she stated flatly. He didn't deny it, and she snorted. "We went over that, remember?"
"Times change..."
"Well, some things don't. I'll tell you a few," Kate snapped. "He's following me. He knows where I live and where I work. If I tell anyone, he'll kill me, and them. If I threaten to tell anyone, he'll kill me."
"You face armed hostiles nearly every day," Mike pointed out. "Why is this different?"
Kate clicked her tongue. "I don't know. It just... is."
"How do you know you won't feel safer when they lock him up?"
"How do you know they will?" she asked. "Apart from my word, what evidence is there he killed someone?"
"The dead body?"
"A corpse we pulled out of the ocean, several months dead with no identification."
"The photos he sent you? The phone calls?"
"That doesn't prove he killed someone, that's just... hell, they can't link him to those, and –"
"Calm down," Mike whispered, reaching over and grabbing her hand. Her bottom lip was quivering slightly.
"I'm calm," she lied. He sighed. "You know what else?" she continued, as he released her hand, watching her carefully. "If we told someone now, we'd probably get in trouble for keeping it secret this long."
"No," Mike objected sharply, and she started. He swallowed. "We have the photos. Remember that. It's clearly a case of witness intimidation."
Kate exhaled slowly. "I just... feel..." She paused, and Mike allowed her a moment to gather her thoughts. He knew how hard it was to convert her uncertainties and emotions into words.
"I feel like I've been living on borrowed time," she said softly and slowly. Mike felt fear grip him.
"What do you mean?" he asked carefully, trying not to show how her words had unnerved him.
"I don't know," she growled, exasperated. "Forget it."
"Hell no," he replied sharply. "You don't say that and then tell me to forget it."
For a second, it looked like they were seconds away from another argument – Mike hastily corrected himself.
"Kate, I'm just worried. And when you say that... I just worry more."
Her lips twitched – almost a smile, but the dark shadows under her eyes and the haunted look dancing across her face quickly brought Mike back to reality.
"It just feels like... I don't know. In April... I nearly died. I wasn't working, I wasn't expecting anything like that to happen... maybe that's what's different."
She pondered this for a moment. In the Navy, she had to willingly risk her life most days of the week... Shore leave was the only time she had to herself, the only time to pursue her own interests. It was the one time she was supposed to be safe.
"And?" Mike prompted, and she licked her lips, searching for the right words.
"He could have killed me, but didn't. And I just... I think that sooner or later, he's going to change his mind, and try again."
Mike's jaw tightened, as he restrained himself from saying something cliché and utterly unrealistic.
"And what do I do when he does?" she asked softly. She was no longer worried about him seeing the fear dancing behind her eyes. With each layer that was ripped away from her soul, he was able to see another scar, and it sparked in him a protective desire so strong, it hurt.
"Next time, I'll be there," he whispered. He tried to continue, but his throat was threatening to close, and so he just nodded stoically.
Damn it, he told himself. You need to be strong, be strong for her!
"I can't stop thinking about it," Kate admitted. For a moment, Mike was confused. She saw his expression, and elaborated. "About dying. I keep having dreams, I keep remembering..."
"Don't," Mike hissed, moving around to sit at the chair next to her. "Just... you're going to be okay. We'll figure out a way to sort this mess out."
Kate leaned against his shoulder, and looked up at his grey blue eyes, searching for reassurance – she found it, but it was clouded by tension and uncertainty. "I don't know whether to slap you or kiss you," she murmured. He stiffened slightly, and again, her lips twitched towards a smile. "Don't worry. I'm not going to do either."
She tried to snuggle up to his chest, but the two adjacent seats made things difficult.
"I'm tired," she said. "And your table isn't very comfortable."
Without any further discussion, Mike wrapped his arms around her, and lifted her up into the air, kicking over the chairs they had previously occupied.
"Mike," she groaned, rolling her eyes. He carried her to his bedroom, and carefully laid her down.
"Sleep," he suggested. Her eyes pleaded with him. Unable to refuse, he flopped down beside her, and held her close. The exhaustion of the night suddenly caught up with him, and they both slept.
The nightmare did not appear.