Chapter 14
-x-
"Sincerity makes the very least person to be of more value than the most talented hypocrite."
~ Charles Spurgeon ~
-x-
Summer Training Camp – Day Four
"…What the fuck is this."
The dumbfounded deadpan and the drooping neckline of Shougo's shirt made his smile widen.
Haruka beamed, skipping forward to wave them over to his work of art.
"Ta-dah~! It's Haruka-kun's special method of team bonding! By stacking all three of our futon together into one thick stack, we'll be able to huddle together on a thick, comfy bed and bond through plenty of much needed skinship! Don't you think that's a good idea, Shou-chan?! Sei-chan?!" He threw his arms up in excitement, jumping as high as possible.
"It's a fucking terrible idea." Shougo deadpanned. But who's listening to him?
"By the way, I also went ahead of myself and helped Sushi, Shin, and Dai make the same with their beds!" He waved over to the opposite side of the room.
"Hey. It's your fault we're dragged into this too." Daiki blamed Shougo.
"Sorenji. Unstack our futons right now." Shintaro commanded.
"Eh~ But it seems really fluffy and nice~" Atsushi commented wryly before flopping down on the bed. "Oh! It's soft and warm and- ZZZzzz…"
"Don't fall asleep! Or rather, you're hogging up the entire space!" Daiki shouted.
"Hahaha~ You're gonna have to dogpile each other~" Haruka laughed.
"I would rather die."
"Midorima, help me get Murasakibara off!"
"Agreed nanodayo."
Chuckling lightly at the comical scene as the blue and green haired players attempted to get the hefty weight off, Haruka blinked when he felt the weight of a familiar stare on his face.
Seijuro was staring down at him unabashedly, scarlet eyes astute as ever, easily understanding his insecurities at once. But at the same time, there was something soft in them that seemed to convey an apology. 'I'm sorry for losing myself and making you worry.' Those seem to be the words Seijuro was saying to him.
Haruka smiled gently in turn and nodded in acceptance.
So long as Seijuro was still there by his side, it'll be okay.
"Let's sleep, let's sleep~!" He sang as he flung himself onto the thick stack.
"EH?! We're really gonna sleep like this?!" Shougo yelped, jumping back.
"Naturally." Seijuro said with the smallest hint of a smile at the grey haired player's bewilderment. "I see no reason why we ought not to do this. I believe this is far better than a thin layer of sheet between us and the ground. The flexibility of Midorima's shoulders would be better preserved with this."
"Heh. You heard that, Midorima?" Daiki smirked, rubbing it in the bespectacled boy. "It's best if you sleep with Murasakibara tonight. I'm sure he'd cushion you very well."
"…Akashi. That was unneeded." Shintaro adjusted his glasses with a glare.
Daiki snickered.
"Maccarons…Pancakes…" Atsushi was drooling.
"Shit! Hurry it up, will ya?! His drool's gonna touch my futon soon!"
"You deserve it."
"What did you say?!"
"I knew it was worth it baiting Sushi with food today!" Haruka laughed as he turned on his belly, kicking his legs mirthfully at the panic on the other side.
"So it was your fault!" The duo screeched in unison.
In the midst the chaos that was erupting behind them, a calloused hand landed on the top of his head, going through practiced motions that pressed down on all the right nerves. Haruka made a sound of comfort, turning around onto his back so as to give Sei some space to sink into one side of the mattress. The redhead was smiling, tucking a stray curl behind his ear as he picked off his words where he had left them.
"…Besides, I do think the idea of attempting team work would be worth the effort."
Haruka smiled. He's glad Seijuro was fully back.
(Still, he leaned his head back on Sei, pressing deeper into his touch.
His nerves were still frayed from that incident in the afternoon, so who could blame him if he was clingy now, right? (How long do they still have before he's gone? How long till Sei's taken over by Akashi?) Absently, Seijuro soothed his rumbling worries with his touch.)
"So, Haizaki, wouldn't you join us?" Sei cocked his head.
There was a moment's pause as they stared at the grey haired teen, ignoring the fuss and sounds behind them. Shougo's expression was perplexed, obviously trying to figure Seijuro out; trying to figure him out too. For a moment, Haruka thought it would have been enough, that everything he's worked for with Shougo so far, even if it's only a little, could be salvaged with just that.
"…You guys are so sweet it's disgusting. I'm going out for some air."
But in the end, like most things, nothing is ever resolved that easily.
-x-
He doesn't like it, how Haruka ignored the rejection of the group behind him, how Akashi had so quickly changed sides in a heartbeat and gained some measure of sympathy within his scarlet eyes. How can they act as if nothing happened? As if Shougo wasn't ejected from the group by the group itself? As if Akashi himself hadn't been one of those who deemed him unworthy?
Shougo fucking hates it.
He hates how Akashi changed so easily. Who knows if he'd change again? When will they next throw him aside like trash?
He hates how fucking friendly Haruka is. He's a liar. That hasn't changed. He's only here for the mentorship. (…Right?) He wished Haruka would stop it with all these meaningless actions, because if he continues…even if Shougo already knows it…He's gonna start believing that it's possible to get along with the other first-years, isn't he?
(-Blades in his shoes, carving into his feet-)
(-horrid words scribbled onto the table and a bag tossed into the river-)
…When hopes are lifted, it always feels a million time worse to be dropped to the pits of hell.
Call him a coward. Laugh at him all you want.
But if avoiding Sorenji would mean getting away from trusting, from being hurt, then Shougo would much rather evade that kid for as long as he could.
-x-
Summer Training Camp – Day Five
"Ah~ I knew you'd be here!"
Shougo jumped at the sound of his voice, grey eyes narrowing as he turned to glance at him.
Then, almost like a child (but then again, aren't they all still children?), Shougo huffed and turned back to the screen, hands nimbly fiddling around with the joystick.
Haruka smiled indulgently and flanked the boy, sitting down in the free seat beside him.
It's bad that they're both skipping practice. If Nijimura finds out, no doubt they would receive another long, long lecture for sure. He might even have his scholarship be threatened and possibly receive detention~ (That's sounds sort of fun actually. He never did have detention before and – ah, where was he again?) Haruka wouldn't doubt Shougo would skip, but the more worrying thing was how Yuri would take it…hmmmm….
Haruka rocked back and forth in thought, lips pulled into a thin pensive line.
"Go back." Shougo suddenly said, flicking the joystick roughly to the right. Onyx eyes, reflecting the dim light of the screen, remained on the game. "Get back to your friends already. Even if you're injured, they'll still take your attendance now, won't they?"
"Hm~ Well, yeah."
"Then get lost and scram already."
"I don't wanna."
Shougo gritted his teeth, and he could tell already that Shougo was getting ready for another outburst – that does seem to be an unhealthy habit of his, isn't it? – but the game stole his attention away.
Haruka exhaled soundly and looked around the dark room.
He had been worried that morning when he woke up to not find Shougo anywhere – in the empty futon they had unstacked for him, the cafeteria area, or even the staffroom. A quick check with Katchan had told him that the second-string coach saw Shougo leaving school premises at the break of dawn, claiming to have forgotten something at home. His house had worryingly not answered when Haruka had called. And of course, the only logical place for a boy of Shougo's age and temperament to go to, if not his house, would be an arcade or some place unsavvy.
"I don't even-" Shougo started off before his attention was diverted again by the opponent's punch. He exhaled sharply and navigated his character through a series of kicks and slams. "I don't even understand why you're bothering with me at this point. Why the fuck you still wanna 'be friends with me'. Ha!"
He ended the air quote with a self-depreciating laugh.
Haruka doesn't like it.
It's true Shougo seems like a haughty delinquent on the outside, but it's disconcerting how low his self-esteem is, to be demeaning himself like that. Almost as if…as if he thought it's funny that Haruka wants to be friends with him.
"But Shou-chan is a good person?" Haruka hummed, leaning his face on his palms.
"Tell me three redeeming qualities about myself." He says it like a test.
"You're smart. You're good at playing basketball. You can teach well if you try?" He counted off his fingers.
"In the end, you're just aiming for my abilities, aren't you?!" Shougo scoffed, a nasty scowl taking over his face. "You're just like all the others. What 'It's good you can copy'? 'Teach me how to do it!' 'I hear you're smart!' In the end, once you're done getting what you want, you're just gonna throw me aside. Might as well go approach a teacher in the first place."
"Hmmm~" Haruka leaned his head on his arms. He wouldn't deny it; it was the reason why he approached Shougo in the first place, but the more he got to know Shougo, the more he's only concerned.
Abandonment issues – that's what Shougo revealed when he left their group.
Paranoia – in the form of overpreparation in his plays and thinking.
An intolerance for lying, that habit of his towards women, the lack of social awareness (?)…no, he's overly aware to the extent where the constant bombarding information was causing him to lose control over his life – where he's constantly trying to fit into the mould but his analytical abilities still finding fault, causing a breakdown and a repeating cycle.
It's unnerving, how distrustful and insecure Shougo is in every aspect of his life. Such a character couldn't simply have built up overnight. Shougo isn't the person he is in the future; no matter how villianous the show had portrayed him to be, how one-dimensional he was, Shougo is still a living breathing human shaped by his circumstances and feelings.
And how much betrayal and hardship must one have faced in order to turn out like this?
Calloused fingers twitched. Shougo's lashes fluttered as his eyes flickered between the HP bar and the controls. Haruka didn't like it, how this whole thing was making him feel.
He had came in deciding to try to be open-minded, to just try and see if there's something beyond the Haizaki that the show revealed, and yet…what's this? This Haizaki before him…This Shougo…He's a proper human being, isn't he? (Just like Sei. Just like how his Sei had been formed by his circumstances, becoming something twisted and unrecognisable. Another person ran over by the truck known as 'life'.) And in a way…Shougo…almost reminds him of himself.
(Betrayals upon betrayals upon despair and then hope.)
(A hand reaching out to him in the darkness.
"Join the basketball team already, will you, Kazu?" Tora's soft snort as he ended his words. Tora's betrayal, telling the coach to prevent his promotion. Tora's promise. Tora's death. Then Kiyoshi, Katchan, and the team-)
Haruka snuggled into the crook of his arm.
What Shougo needs now, surely…isn't a friend. What he needs, is someone who would sincerely face him and take in him, as who he is.
It doesn't matter whether the relationship would be lasting. It doesn't matter, whether Shougo would change, or whether he would change. What Shougo needs is someone who would be there to peer into his world and understand.
A final punch from Shougo's opponent tossed Shougo's character far off the screen.
The grey haired teen sighed, whole frame slumping backwards in the chair before he turned to meet his gaze.
"…Say something already, will ya?" Shougo grouched.
What to say, what to say…How should he put this feeling into words?
Haruka stretched his arms upwards and smiled.
"From now on, I'll be honest to you, I guess~?" 'Sincerity' to Shougo must surely mean 'honesty', right?
"…Hah?"
Haruka laughed at Shougo's dumbfounded face. Shou-chan was just so cute~!
"For a start, what should I say? Hmmmm~ I've already told you I hate you before, so what else should I say?" He rambled off, intentionally taking his time with a sideglance at the other to give him time to process. Haruka smiled, leaning in towards the grey haired boy. Shougo leaned back instinctively. "Say, what do you want to know, Shou-chan~?"
He'll relinquish control for once, to show his willingness to step back, and let the other set the pace.
"Wha…Wha…?" Shougo furrowed his brows, glaring at him. A rough hand shoved his head away. "What the hell are you planning this time, Haruka? Or rather, what kind of fucked up plan to earn my trust is it this time?"
Again with this~?
"Hm? But it's not a plan?" Haruka tilted his head. Shougo's one of those types that call people by their first names to irritate and catch them off guard, huh.
"What do you mean?"
"That I'm abandoning all plans to the wind?" Haruka beamed at the dumbfounded look the grey haired boy sent him. How should he put it, uhhh… "Plans are frustrating when they don't work, and around you, Shou-chan, I get the feeling that they won't work at all." Plans aren't sincere afterall. "Moreover, they're pretty much the things that repel your trust, so it's best to get rid of these pesky things, isn't it?"
He stole an arcade coin off Shougo's stack and placed it into his machine. A loud musical sound came out from it, earning itself a wince, before he looked through the options curiously.
"…You mean your plan is to get rid of all other plans to earn my trust?" It's amazing how Shougo managed to sound suspicious, distraughted, and infuriated all at the same time.
"Hm~ I guess you can say that? I just get the feeling that with Shou-chan, the best way to bond is to be straight up honest and sincere." The muscular one seemed kinda off…Why are so many of them blonde or had dyed hair?
"But that makes no freaking sense!" Shougo held his head in frustration, making Haruka peer up at him inquisitively. Onyx eyes glared at him in accusation. "…You! You've been lying this whole time! You've been dancing around me, hoping to become my so-called friend! Not to mention, you hated me and…and-! Urgh! I don't even know what to say!"
Haruka laughed at how the boy pulled at his hair.
"Then just don't say anything, Shou-chan." He turned back to the screen. "More importantly…How do you play this thing, Shou? I've never played a game in the arcade before…"
"…seriously?" The deadpan look Shougo was sending him seemed to be targetted at both their prior conversation and his revelation. "Have you got no childhood?"
Haruka pouted.
It's just that before, he's never had the money for these luxuries, and now, he's got no time for it! Why did Shou have to say it like that?
"I'm sorry for having no childhood then!" He huffed.
"You…You're surprisingly childish on the inside, aren't you?" Another deadpan.
Shougo's so mean~!
"Jeez…Just teach me how to play already!" He whined. "I'll let you kick my ass in this for one or two games, before I'm gonna kick your butt so hard you'll go flying back to Teiko! Get ready, Shou-chan!"
"What the-" Shougo snorted and laughed. "…As if I'll teach my opponent how to get the better of me, dumbass~"
"Wha-!"
How mean. Shou-chan is really so mean~!
-x-
Shougo doesn't get it.
He doesn't get why Haruka's back by his side, dropping his façade and acting honestly for once. He doesn't get why Haruka bothered to chase after him for that matter, to skip practice and all with him when his hands are obviously twitching in longing for the ball. He's a good person, his ass. That's definitely another lie, and it makes sense since it's before his promise not to lie. But in any case, all the signals are now pointing in the same direction, and Shougo thinks he could ask without receiving another multi-faceted answer now.
"So," He watched blandly as Haruka sipped at his vanilla shake, looking at it with a weird look. "Why the hell are you following me around?"
They had decided to leave the arcade at ten in the morning, at Haruka's advice – to avoid getting caught and all. It's surprising, how even his body language seemed to be pointing towards avoidance of the captain now – and almost comical how he'd looked longingly at the machine before he left. He can go anytime he wants, can't he?
Anyways, they were now seated in a fastfood restaurant, filling themselves up with goddamned delicious unhealthy stuff. Shougo wasn't exactly surprised either that Haruka hadn't came to this outlet before.
(What kind of treatment did the scions receive?! Or rather, what kind of food were they used to? Otoro? It had better not be otoro sushi!)
"Because I wanna be friends with you?" Haruka took another sip.
"Bullshit." There's no sign of lies, in the form of eye avoidance or anything, but there's also no sign of honesty.
Haruka sighed, picking up a fry.
"Just what do you want me to tell you to convince you? I honestly just want to be friends with you!" He said that through a mouthful of fries and with a large pout. No manners at all, this one.
Shougo scowled and glared down at the other.
"You don't come off as sincere in the least."
"Huh? Really?" Haruka paused, looking down at his hands before he relaxed his shoulders forward, in a slumping, almost closed off, almost shy-looking manner typical of a person just opening up to someone. He even dipped his head a little, staring up at Shougo almost abashedly as he swallowed and chewed his fries slower, as if in thought. "Is this better?"
"It would be if you weren't trying to convince me you're sincere." He deadpanned.
It's true that he's impressed. Shougo has never seen people with such control over their body, not even that part-time politician part-time biker, Hanamura, who taught him how to read the guys higher up the ladder. But it's still not enough.
"But I'm not. I'm honestly just speaking the truth." Haruka whined, slumping forward on the desk.
"Either your emotions don't hold that much of a weight, or you've had even yourself deceived." Shougo unwrapped a burger and finished a third of it in a bite. He spoke through the food. "It's not uncommon for liars as used to it as they have even themselves deceived. Sometimes, they don't even know when they're telling the truth or not."
That's why he never liked people like that. When they go to hell, they often drag others down with them.
Haruka pouted again and looked away.
"…Well." His eyes glanced down in thought. A soft frown and pausing of hands. And suddenly, everything seemed to just scream 'truth'. "It's not like I don't know why I'm helping you at this point…"
Amber eyes lifted and met his, half-lidded and no longer so wide-eyed or innocent.
"…You just sort of remind me of myself in the past, you know?"
"…Is that a lie?" He finds himself questioning, because if it is, it has him deceived.
Haruka huffed and folded his arms crossly.
"I'm telling the truth, Shou-chan! Believe me a little will you?"
"Right, right." He swallowed a mouthful of burger with a wash of coke.
What was this conversation about again? Truth and lie, right. And Haruka's reason for approaching him.
"It's true though, that initially, I never intended to become attached to you." Haruka sighed, munching on another fry. "Just…Somewhere along the line, your innocence begun endearing yourself to me, and your charmingly cynical personality just reminds me so much of myself, I felt the urge to understand you and- UWAH! DON'T CHOKE, SHOU-CHAN!"
He thumped hard on his own chest, and Haruka even had the pleasure of slapping him hard to dislodge the food from his throat. The entire ordeal left the duo panting with several other customers staring.
"…Thanks." He panted.
"…Let's get somewhere else, okay?" Haruka slumped. "There're a few Teiko students here, and I think that scene will get back to Nijimura in one way or another. Or Yuri, even worse." He actually had a full body shudder.
Shougo smirked.
"I'm actually tempted to be caught just to see your reaction to them."
"…Did I neglect to mention that Sei might be under the misunderstanding that I'm eloping with you?"
"…Oh shit."
-x-
("Haru." He remember reaching out the night of his ninth birthday, mere hours after he had overheard Father again talking over the phone in solemn tones about revealing 'the truth'. They were cuddled up in bed together, courtesy of Haruka claiming that it would be warmer together. It's the perfect opportunity to tell him. The perfect timing, when they're close and fitted together, to insert a wedge which might tear them apart. Because like this, it's less likely for Haru to move away.
"Hm?" Large amber eyes blinked at him, and suddenly, Seijuro wasn't quite sure anymore.
Should he tell? What if Haruka hates him? What if he gets mad and moves away? Could he continue to keep it a secret? If he asks Father, will he keep his mouth shut too? Can they escape this situation?
…No.
Seijuro breathed, holding himself steady, and lifted his head up to face amber eyes head on. He must tell him. Seijuro cannot understand how important parents might be to Haruka, but he did know that he was shattered the day Father left, only to be replaced by an unknown orange haired child. He doesn't know whether Haruka still remember his parents (they were so young when they…departed, afterall) but Haruka deserves to know that they existed, if nothing else, and understand the weight of his name.
So Seijuro swallowed the lump in his throat and forced his voice out.
"…Your parents are gone." No. The tone's all wrong. It sounds too factual, too suffocated. Look, he doesn't get it, does he?
Haruka blinked large eyes down at him, and Seijuro knew he would have cocked his head if they weren't lying on their side.
"I know."
The answer stumped him momentarily. He elaborated.
"They're dead, Haruka. Gone." He repeated, stressing on it, because – he needs to regain composure, be strong for Haruka, help him, do whatever he needs to prevent Haruka from leaving and-
"I know."
-And Seijuro felt dumbfounded again, blinking blankly at his cousin.
Haruka smiled, humming lightly even as his brows furrowed and he turned to lie on his back. Not even the loss of the contact between them brought Seijuro out of his pensive silence, his calculative stare bearing down on the other's face to search for traces of a mask, of distress or of anything he needed to do to help soothe, calm, and comfort. But Haruka only laughed wryly.
"I sort of knew, you know? Afterall, whose parents would leave them for most of their childhood without visiting? They're either terrible parents, or…" His wide grin faded into a sad smile as he dragged his hand down his curls. "…They're dead."
Seijuro swallowed the lump in his throat again. When had it found its way back? The proper words to say in these situations, his tutors had taught him, would be an offer of condolences or an adequately soft 'I'm sorry' that could pass for tenderness or sympathetic. But…When his lips parted, Seijuro couldn't say anything. He just…stared.
It had been so easy.
All this time, he had tried to hide the truth from Haruka. All this time, he carefully navigated around topics regarding parentage, regarding guardians and basketball. All those time spent hiding and keeping secrets and lamenting about what Haruka would think of him when it's revealed…a downward spiral that only built up with time (he's known all this while…would Haru blame him for not telling him all this time?)…when Haruka didn't even seem to care much about it.
He wants to think that it's wretched of him for feeling bad for himself when Haruka's the one needing comfort, but he can't even muster the heart to feel bad about it.
"…Sei-chan?" Haruka tilted his head back and looked concerned. Confusion flashed across his face briefly, eyes taking him in quietly, before a glimmer of understanding settled in them.
Haruka leaned in, smiling lightly, and pinched his cheeks.
"What? Did you think I'd hate you or something for keeping it from me?" His laughter did not sound forced. Seijuro frowned at the childish action and slapped the fingers away from his cheek. He frowned at how lighthearted Haru is, at how he didn't blame him in the least even though Seijuro lamented over it, but even then, his heart lifted and became a little less heavier with Haru's words.
"It's okay, Sei~" Haru's voice was soft and sincere, amber eyes lidded and sleepy-eyed. The palm against his head felt familiar, and he leaned in. "No matter what you do, I'll never hate you. Sure, I'd have liked it if you took the initiative to talk to me, but…No matter what you do, I believe it's always for the better.")
It's not for the better.
Seijuro frowned as he launched another pass at Aomine.
It's not for the better at all.
It's not such an uncommon thing, for people to become different versions of themselves around certain triggers.
Like players turning gruff on court and soft outside of it (Murasakibara)…Like people who are so focused, their intensity and killing intent warp them at once (Haruka)…Even students who show different expectations between different subjects (Midorima).
But for him…The line is slowly getting blurred.
Occasionally, every now and then, he feels like there's a disparity within himself.
Analytics. Calculations. Value and liability. Those are the things that run through the head of that part of him that's peering at the world through a set of piercing eyes, the part that's always necessary for games, for studies, for interacting with his family – it's the part that was sharpened in that one year in preparation to become a scion that could easily look into more industries and add more into their conglomerate business.
Then, there is him.
Normal Akashi Seijuro, who's slightly abashed to admit that he's a bit of a mother hen, but who smiles down fondly at their gang of lithe, talented, and mismatched individuals – who sees them as his to protect, his to nurture, and his to befriend.
…But is Haizaki a part of that?
Seijuro stopped a steal and tossed into the basket.
He panted, smiling lightly when Aomine punched him lightly on the shoulder with a 'nice shoot!'
Yes he is.
No he isn't.
Seijuro blinks, and for a second, he finds himself in a dark abyss with another him before his eyes, his figure distorted and wavering in the shadows but a clear, evident scowl on his face.
He will never beat Ryouta. You saw that for yourself. The team is sufficient in the small forward position. Nijimura will definitely retire by the time you become captain, and he will take up the position of small forward, giving up power forward to Aomine, who has greater potential. Facing forward, Haizaki's mannerisms will only pull down the team; He is a liability. The future is ascertained, and regardless of how much potential Haizaki has in the other area, faith and belief are meaningless ideals-
Shut it.
Seijuro breathed, forced away the voice in his head.
Haizaki is human. Haruka told him that. Whether he admits it or not, Haruka believes in Haizaki (as a result of him). So, he must also believe in the Haruka who believes in Haizaki, and have faith that Haizaki would change for the better.
Hope is in the end futile against the facts of reality.
He just…wished Haruka would be back sooner, because this voice was making his head pound.
Haruka always makes things better.
Even if Seijuro knew that in the end, he would still never confide this part of him to Haruka.
-x-
Under Haruka's insistence, they went food hunting.
("We're not even girls! Why would you go travelling between streets just to find sweets?!" He spat, eyes widening when Haruka withdrew a card from his pocket, the same shit-eating smile still plastered over his face.
"I'll pay for it~!"
"…Alright. I'll let you treat me to sweets."
"YAY~!")
They went karaoke.
("It's the first I've ever been in a place like this, and Shou-chan-"
*SCREEEE*
Shougo hurriedly placed the microphone back, frowning at the thing.
"Hey, is this faulty-" His words were cut off in his mouth when he saw how the other had frozen up, entire body stiff with hands twitching on his lap. …What? Haruka was still twitching, eyes dazed and staring into mid-air as if he wasn't mentally quite there. It took a moment of processing to realize what Haruka was going through. And it freaked him out, because – He'd never learnt how to control it himself, how the hell was he gonna help another with that same problem?! "H-Hey…"
Haruka jumped, eyes nervously darting to the microphone on the table and back to him.
"S-Sorry, Shou-chan~" …The little idiot. His lies were more terrible than usual, and that smile too. "Just…give me a moment, alright? I'll recover soon…"
He nodded mutely, letting silence reign over the room for the next couple of minutes.
If the songs in the karaoke room were too soft for him, it'd be because he wouldn't have to force himself to sing louder that way.)
Somehow, they even went to one of his favourite hangout places.
("Woo-hoo!"
Shougo blankly stared as the other teen – no, child – zoomed past him on the bike. No, more importantly, was that Hanamura's bike? Or rather…did Haruka even have a license?! Not that Shougo has one either, he supposes…
"He's a natural, that one." Hanamura blew out a trailing line of smoke.
The badass adult was leaning against the wall of the building, arms crossed and a lazy smirk on his face. It's rare that Hanamura ever smiles, Shougo knows, and the only other time he's ever seen Hanamura smile was when they first met in one of the back alleys in a rainy day and after a vicious spat with one of Mother's men again.
"…Haizaki." Hanamura addressed him. He subtly straightened to attention. "You've found yourself quite a good friend."
…What?
Hanamura leaned over, put his bud out, and sat down, pulling a bunch of complicated looking documents from his suitcase.
"…What d'ya mean?" He asked dumbly. Did that idiot introduce himself as his friend again? Or rather, why would Hanamura – who's a master of body language and subtle tones – think that Haruka's his friend, and 'good', in the first place?
Hanamura's only response was a snort.
"Figure it yourself.")
Lunch was crepes by the roadside. Shougo tried to pretend he doesn't notice how Haruka shrinks back from the road each time a vehicle passes and diverted his attention to something else.
"So," He said, mouth still full of crepes. "What's the deal between you and Akashi?"
"…Eh? What are you referring to?" Haruka cocked his head. Shougo scowled.
"Your relationship, dumbass!" Shougo sighed when the confused look remained there. "No normal cousins are as close as you guys are. 'Sides, Akashi made it clear yesterday that he wanted to get rid of me. So what are you doing opposing him and going along with me, when you should be there by his side?" It's either complete ignorance, or unshakable confidence in the fact that their relationship won't collapse with a minor agreement.
Haruka hummed with his eyes closed in thought before he leaned back against the bench.
"I don't get what you're saying about our relationship." Urk. The answer to that part's obvious.
"Ignore that then. Why're you going against Akashi by staying with me?" Shougo sighed. Even to him, Akashi's a pretty scary fella, what with all his perfection and reputation. He's like, the opposite of Shougo. "Or is this like a challenge to him or something?"
"What are you saying?" Haruka cocked his head. "I'm going along with what Sei wants."
"Hah?" Shougo furrowed his brows. What bullshit was he sprouting this time round? No, but this thing's body language only speaks of confusion.
"Despite his actions, Seijuro wants you to be with us too, Shou," He tried to ignore how that nickname sounded worlds more pleasant than the usual one. "I know he didn't seem like it last night, but…Sei is repentant about his actions, and he does want to apologize to you for his overly harsh and hasty verdict."
Shougo thought of how the redhead had seemed last night. …Was he really repenting?
Haruka chuckled into a hand before taking another large bite of his crepe.
"Of course, Sei is awkward and not used to making mistakes so it might not seem that way, but...Sei always conveys what he cannot say with his actions." The large smile which Haruka sent his way was sincere with the light touches of fondness in the edges of his eyes. Shougo felt a sharp sense of odd desire throb in him – how long has it been since someone looked at him like that? – but quickly squashed the feeling with the meaning of those words.
Akashi had offered him a place beside him last night. He didn't mind skinship.
That's the redhead's show of apology, really? But…somehow, he didn't doubt that the emperor-like vice-captain was really that socially awkward.
Shougo devoured his crepe and glared at the smiling teen.
"Let's go." He shrugged off the curious gaze Haruka shot him. "You hate roads, don't you?"
Surprise flickered into amber eyes before they faded off into the same fondness.
He still didn't know what to make of this; of Akashi and of his connection with Haruka, but he did know that he didn't give a damn about it.
They took streets, avoiding roads as best as they can thereafter.
-x-
"…Where are we going, Shou-chan?" They've been travelling quite a while now. To where, he wasn't so sure.
"My house."
"…I'm not that close to you yet, Shou-chan."
"Not in that way, you little pervert." Shougo's exasperated face made him giggle a little, covering his lips with his sleeve. "I wasn't lying when I told Coach Harasawa where I was going. I really needed to come back to grab something."
"Hm~" Smart, for being able to guess the method he used to track him down.
The house was, as Haruka had imagined, an ordinary two-storey house like most other Japanese houses. Even from the outside, the smooth ebony and maroon décor made it seem elegant in a way that oddly suited Shougo – like smooth savvy wood to compliment an unusually sharp and refined mind under that thick rustic look of Shougo. He's already learnt that Shougo mostly favours classical music on the bus ride here, when the grey haired teen offered him one of his earphones.
But.
Even with the warm elegance that reminded him so much of his own home, the lack of sounds or lights made him feel discomforted. It's like a house that's not lived in – a house that's cold and lonely.
Shougo opened the gates for him, letting it close shut and narrowly miss him ("Shou-chan, you're not a good host at all!" "Who said I wanted to be?"). When the door was opened, a strong smell of booze came out and made Haruka cover his nose at once.
"Shoooooou-chaaaan~" A woman suddenly tossed herself onto Shougo.
"Eek!" Haruka yelped as he jumped.
What the-? It's like Alexandria's introduction in the manga, isn't it?!
Unlike him, Shougo only sighed and clutched the woman's shoulders, pushing her back lightly.
"…Mom." Eh? This was Shougo's Mom!?
…Then again, remembering the numerous insecurities he's discovered about Shougo today…he's somehow not very surprised.
Shougo sighed, lightly guiding her back to the living room by the small of her back.
"You're drunk again, aren't you? Make sure you get properly dressed, and don't puke all over the ground again."
It's a twisted sort of routine that Haruka's not used to.
He hesitantly followed Shougo, blinking wide-eyed at the man he saw flopped over one of the couches before the television.
The strange buff man's asleep, snoring loudly with a bottle of booze hanging from his hand and numerous other ones (and porn, he noticed distractedly) strewn around the ground. There's blankets lazily draped over the couches too, and the dishes were not cleaned from what he could see here. Overall, it's a very messy and dark house conflicting with its outer appearance.
"Hmhmhmhm~" The older Haizaki hummed happily, leaning in when her son pulled her sweater tighter over her to keep her warm. She wrapped her arms around him snugly. "You're the best, Shougo. Even better than that stupid Jun who left us. Aaaaaand…more so than this big doofus of a man!"
Shougo sighed, the edge of his lips qerking up.
"Dump him already if you're so tired of him. He's not a good guy anyways."
"Buuuuut~" The mother whined, a smile on her lips as she drifted off under the blankets which her son tucked under her chin.
Shougo looked up at him, and when he did, his expression was no longer the warm-hearted one it had been, no more exasperation or tenderness but more a stiff uncomfortable feeling.
"…Haruka."
With just the call of his name, it felt like a line was drawn between them, a boundary which Shougo created of his own accord.
"Let's go." He led him up the stairs.
Haruka exhaled, tossing yet another glance down at the living room.
He's never had a family in his previous life, and his one in this life had plenty of people with more than morally right standards. So…even though he had been so confident when he approached Shougo thinking they were similar…He's not sure what to make of this situation.
Is having no family better than having a broken one like this? Who was he to judge?
The door of Shougo's room closed behind them, before Shougo's walking around, packing several things into a small bagpack that he had brought with him. Things like homework, stationary, CDs…Things like some jackets and caps, towels, and waterbottle…He vaguely wondered at the back of his mind if Shougo really needs extra of these, and why he hadn't just borrowed his instead. But the larger part of his mind was taking in how clean and meticulous his entire room was, like an assortment of shelves that reflect Shougo's character.
"…Don't pity me." Shougo said suddenly, back still turned to him. "I just…" Shougo exhaled heavily. "I just didn't expect them to be home today, so…I-…Anyways, just don't pity me."
Haruka saw an acoustic guitar at the corner of the room and bent down to peer at it closely.
"…I don't."
"Don't lie." Those words were quivering slightly.
"I'm telling the truth, Shou-chan." It bothered him, how Shougo keeps saying he's lying even though he knows he's not. Besides, it's not pity. It's something else; something that both of them had acknowledged already somewhere within them. "You know it, so stop denying it already."
"I said-" Shougo turned around, eyes wide and infuriated and whole body agitated but Haruka still has to say it, and he will-
"Is it really that hard to believe that I care?" Haruka asked.
At once, the breath escapes Shougo as if he's punched, and pain flickered across his face. Shougo slumped, losing all fight in him. He gazed down blankly at the wooden floorboards, looking lost.
"…It is." And that only seemed to amplify the hurt on his blank face.
…Sigh.
They both need a distraction.
Haruka sighed, huffing wryly as he reached out, and strummed the guitar curiously.
The sound it made caused him to shudder.
Distracted eyes which had inquisitively flickered up saw, and Shougo snickered – a weird sound amidst the terse silence that's settled in.
"It's ironic." He explains under Haruka's pout. "You use your ears for basketball, and yet music evades you." There wasn't a smile on his face, but the small smirk was as good as it. "It takes talent to not even be able to strum a guitar right."
"But I can do it~!" He strummed another string again, and the sound this time round reminds him of heavy metal, making him stiffen and almost topple onto the ground. "…Nevermind."
But Shougo is laughing, and that surprises him.
(A fluttering sensation, one like whenever Seijuro laughs.)
"Shou-" A hand reached out and ruffled his hair.
Shougo was smiling lightly when Haruka peered up at him, unshed tears shining in his eyes that glowed in appreciation, in gratitude.
"…Thanks." It's a word that's full of meaning.
Haruka doesn't know what Shougo has gone through.
Bullying, perhaps?
A tough childhood, definitely.
And lots and lots of betrayals, most probably.
But in any case, even though Seijuro's still the most important to him…even though he started off hating Shougo for the person he turned out to be in the future…he saw a lost little boy in that moment, with a heart that's toughened up by his experiences in this world, and unwaveringly, with bated breath, he reached out and touched it.
Haruka was still crouching when he reached for Shougo's hand. He grasped it, and he looked up at the other boy who's shining in the light.
"I don't know what you've been through, Shougo." He admitted. "I don't know if you even think of me as more than a liar, like what you said. But…Despite your prickly attitude and your tough words, you are a good person somewhere inside."
Shougo's breath hitched and he stares.
Haruka smiled.
"Maybe my words don't seem sincere to you…Maybe I always seem to lie in front of you…But…I want to be your friend, Shou-chan." That's the thing that he knows is true now. "I don't know about the future. I don't know whether one day I will leave your side, like you've maybe experienced. But just for this moment, just for these three years while we're still fighting together as comrades on the same team…I want to be your ally."
The first bead of tears that slipped out was wiped away violently.
Then the second, and the third.
"F-Fuck it all." Shougo wiped his face with a towel. Red-rimmed eyes peered out at him. "What the hell are you doing? You sure took my lessons to heart."
Lesson?
Ah, that conversation at the restaurant…
Huh. So he finally appeared sincere to Shougo now, does he? That must mean…
"…You'll be my friend?" He beamed.
"S-Stop it already. You sound like you're fucking proposing or something…"
"Yay~! I got a new friend!" Just to annoy Shougo, Haruka leapt as high as he could in a starjump.
"K-Keep your voice down, you bastard! And since when did I say I'd be your friend?!" The flush on Shougo's face said everything though. Haruka was still laughing obnoxiously as he flung his arms around the other teen and squeezed tightly. And even though large hands were trying to push him aside…just a little, they cradled him back to him.
-x-
It's not good to be attached, that's what Shougo has learnt throughout his years.
"When I was younger, I was bullied by the kids at school, solely for my hair colour and my family background-"
Yet…Why was he blurting his past out for Sorenji to hear?
Seated at the bench with a ball between his hands, Shougo found himself confessing every bit of his past to Sorenji like a person confessing his sins before god. Except, it wasn't his sins. It was other people's, and just a little he guessed, it was also his own.
"They'd put razor blades in my shoes, throw my belongings into the river, vandalize my table and chairs…It was fucking humiliating." Shougo didn't feel so much of the embarrassment now, having it taken over by anger instead. His face must look pretty intimidating though, because Sorenji reached over and patted his back gently.
"Now, now~"
"Anyways. All of those things continued till I reached eleven." It was the age where his brother had packed up and left their family, throwing a broken mother in his arms with her constant manhunting. "Some things happened at home, and it was then that I decided to stand up for myself. Whenever those brats tried to play these games with me, I'd do the same back to them. I used those martial arts classes Mom signed me up for so I could protect myself. Every time those brats had the guts to insult Mom or me, I would chase after them-"
Why was he saying this?
"-Somewhere along the lines, I just became like this, I guess." He sighed, waving to himself. "It's sorta like a switch in me went off. I just said 'fuck it' and let myself behave however I wanted, without caring about social expectations. Spent time with the people in the backalleys, since they seem to be the most honest sort if you have the same interest as them… Before I knew it, I was deemed a delinquent and troublemaker by most."
"Weeeell…I'm sorry to have judged." Sorenji looked away pointedly.
"You had some bad run-in with delinquents, huh." Shougo looked at him pointedly too.
"Mmmmn…I don't wanna lie, so no comment." Sorenji smiled sweetly.
Shougo sighed.
"…Why am I even telling you this?" He asked himself. Was he trying to gather sympathies, so he could solidify Sorenji's attachment to him? "And by the way, I'll beat the life out of you if you tell anyone, so you better don't."
"That's a casual death threat you have there." Sorenji sweatdropped.
Sorenji sighed and hugged his knees to his chest.
"Well, I think, that what you're doing now is an attempt at gathering my trust."
Shougo blinked at those words, looking down at his own hands. Was he truly aiming for that? Sure, he thinks their relationship would be better balanced if Sorenji could open up to him as well, but…at the same time he felt like that isn't really the point to it…
"Like to make the relationship more balanced or something-?"
"I just wanted to tell you." Shougo interrupted.
It's always been this way. Even though he was smart, even though people say he's smart…Things were always so much easier to figure out when there's someone there to bounce his ideas off them. In that instant, he understood himself better.
Shougo turned his head and peered into inquisitive amber eyes, repeating his words.
"…I just wanted to tell you, Sorenji."
Those words were things he never thought he would say.
To anyone else, it would have been humiliating. And yet… Like always, Sorenji seemed to understand.
Sorenji blinked and smiled in gratitude, tilting his head.
"Thank you, Shougo." He stood up, stretching his arms above his head. "Ah~ Then again, what's with that 'Sorenji' thing?! Just call me 'Haruka' already! You've called me that aplenty back when you're still trying to distant yourself with your tsun-tsun attitude, right~?"
"Wha-!" 'Tsun-Tsun'… "Who do ya take me for? Shintaro or something?"
"There it is again. Your habit of using first-names as an insult." Haruka huffed, stealing the ball from his grasp. Shougo watched him dribble the ball into the court.
"Why do you think the others were angry at you?! You called Tsuki-chan by her first name and treated her wrongly, and the way you're approaching Dai and the others? Wrong! It's all totally wrong! They're twelve, not eighteen! You're twelve too! The legal age of consent here is thirteen!"
Well, sorry for not hanging around others his own age…
"How the hell should I know?" Shougo ran forward and tried to steal the ball. Haruka dribbled it backwards, out of his grasp. "It's not like it's compulsory for us to hang around each other, and they don't like me to begin with!"
"Wrong! That's another misconception!" Haruka tossed the ball in.
"How so?!"
Haruka ran forward to collect the ball.
"You started your introduction with a challenge, so 'to begin with' it was your fault, Shou-chan!"
Gck-! But then again…He had to admit he's sort of right. It's kinda like the concept of a dino grump in Mario challenging him to kill it.
"How should I redeem myself then?!" He launched forward and tried to steal the ball by smacking it from Haruka's hands, but – Haruka smirked and stole it right from his eyes when the ball bounced off the ground. "Urgh! And let me touch the ball a little, won't ya?!"
Haruka laughed.
"First, start with an apology to Tsuki-chan~! Not all girls are like your Mom when they're outside, and Tsuki-chan was hurt by your words, so treat her gentlemanly! That means to think of her like a more fragile guy, or a small animal! Get her chocolate to make it up to her too!"
"Right!"
He got the ball. Finally.
"Next! Accept Sei's offer next time! Ask Dai how you could improve! Give Sushi more sweets! And listen to Oha-Asa and get the lucky item for Cancers to give to Shin-Shin before practice begins!"
"Wha-?" He stumbled momentarily, losing the ball again. Haruka laughed. "Your friends are so damn effing weird, Haruka!"
"They're soon gonna be your friends, too, remember?!"
"Fuck!"
Maybe he should reconsider getting close to the others.
Regardless…Even if he was still wary of getting betrayed, and of growing closer only to be turned away, Haizaki knows at least that he'll have Haruka for these three years of middle school. And no matter what the others think, even if they end up betraying him or something, at the very least, he won't have to shoulder the fall from the skies alone;
Haruka will be there for him.
He has faith at least in that knowledge, in that unwavering sincerity of the other teen. (It's what his eyes allowed him to ascertain afterall!)
And that was a step larger than he ever thought he would have taken without Haruka there.
-x-
A/N: Current rev/fav/fol count as of 1st posting of C14: 381/633/678 Lots of thanks to everyone who did any of these three! ^^ Hoped you enjoyed this chapter too!
Ok, so this will be my 2nd A/N for C14. And my oh my! As usual, how humbling it is to post chapters up on FF! I always end up hating my own story till I go back to edit it, but even when I post it again, somehow the faults only become more obvious when I'm seeing it from your view. Thank you for bearing with my mistakes in C14 up till now! Really dunno how you guys could stand to wade through this plethora of mistakes every time.
Any readers who have seen the 1st version might notice the changes: They're Seijuro's viewpoint on the surfacing Akashi half of him; the events that went through Haru and Shou's day (a-hem! Date?) as they went around; and a bit of Haru's own comparison between Kazu and Shou. I've added the first one, because I don't want to generalize Sei and I want him to share his own emotions regarding his own changes; the second one, cause one of the reviewers made a really good point of Haru being overly sensitive around noise and the street part's been bothering me (For anyone who wants to know why Haru could ride a bike, it's because he sees it as a mirror of Yukimura, Seijuro's horse); and the third part, because the previous apathy with which Haru regarded Shougo's circumstances was OOC. Hope you liked this new version, and do share on which character you think should be focused on in C15~!
Also! It's recently come to my attention that there're readers who's never seen KnB before they came to my fic? Haha, I'm really flattered about that, but just for references if you wish to see Haizaki in the anime, it's season 3 episode 1-2/3. Be warned that he is a villian in there, so proceed at your own risk. I still recommend 'Baby, don't forget me' to cleanse your soul a little after dirty, ugly future Haizaki. Credits to its author, not me. I'm hardly talented enough.
Additionally, I have no idea why, but there are also people who seem surprised at Haizaki staying here permanently. To these guys out there, here are some ideas I have at the moment: Shougo leading his own team of duplicates to VS Kise, potentially winning and letting Kagami n Tetsu have a go at him; Shougo VS Aomine in a battle to keep the Ace from leaving, to keep the team together; Shougo quitting basketball as a result of Akashi surfacing, finding Ogiwara in Meijou, and together, they do some soul searching together to regain the parts of themselves that loved basketball; Shougo ending up in Hanamiya's team :p Dynamic's gonna be helluva crazy, gonna have to think more about this; Shougo ending up 1 on 1 with Kagami near end of 3rd Year and joining Seirin due to some hints Haru dropped, VS Ryouta gonna be fun to write; following prev AU (ll-.-) (AU= Academic Unit in Uni language), but with Shougo as an assistant coach using his skills to teach and only sub in when no Taiga/Tetsu on court in abidance to the GoM's oath. The potential for Shougo is endless, cause he's not showcased greatly in the anime. Don't know which one I'm headed for. All seems pretty fun to write. Do indicate if you have a preference.
Now, onto below for that one part of the plot that usually comes after an ending song!
-x-
Night came. Seijuro stood at the gates waiting for the duo.
"…Haizaki." It was more fondness than anything else which brought a smile to his face when he caught sight of them.
Haizaki was piggybacking Haruka. He knew Haruka must have forced the grey haired teen into it through one way or another. Despite the irritated gleam in Haizaki's eyes as Haruka breathed lightly into the crook of his neck, his arms were still supporting the orange haired teen, shifting now and then to steady him. And Seijuro's relieved, because this meant that his bet had pulled off. Haruka succeeded – He succeeded – and his belief in Haruka was not misplaced afterall.
'…'
"…Akashi." Haizaki looked painfully reluctant, but even that seemed endearing at the moment. The gruff teen sighed. "Your cousin's a huge pain in the ass."
"I know." Seijuro smiled.
Adults would say it condescendingly, but Haizaki did so in a manner so fond, he wondered if the other teen was even self-aware.
"However, Haru is always worth it." He added softly, tenderly taking in his cousin with his eyes.
Haizaki scoffed.
He pressed the security button for the gates to open, closing it after these two. When he reached out to relief Haizaki of his burden, the grey haired teen only shifted warily, shaking his head.
"It's nothing. I can handle him." That phrase was accompanied by a dubious look down at Seijuro's own frame, which was only marginally bigger than Haruka's. It's a show of concern that he's never displayed before, one which only continues to surprise him.
It's odd, he thinks as he peered up at Haizaki's face, how Haruka continuously takes him aback again and again by changing the people around them. How everyone just seemed to bend around Haruka's stubborn whims, taken by the effort which he takes. As if it was magic, or something phenomenal that belongs to another universe. …Then again, it's unlike him to ponder such illogical things, isn't it? He almost wanted to chuckle at his own thoughts.
'What do you think?' He asks the voice within his head.
'…'
"Uhhh…" Haizaki's voice rooted him back to reality. The teen was scratching the back of his head sheepishly, eyes turned to another direction. "Haruka told me a bit about how you felt. About that thing yesterday at lunch and all…" Haizaki sighed and looked at him straight up in the eyes. A show of brutal honesty. "…Don't worry too much about it. I didn't take it to heart."
His eyes widen. Seijuro offered a tiny smile and nodded appreciatively at his forgiveness.
He's changed.
Haizaki continued on his march to their shared room, oblivious to his thoughts.
'Did you see that? In the end, Haruka still succeeded in bringing Haizaki from the edges of the team.' He whispered in his mind to that voice that had gone silent. 'It worked, and you know it.' He accused. 'You are wrong, and Haruka is right.'
'…'
But the voice never replied.