Of Rivers and Hotels
A Hellsing FanFic
DianaPrince31
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing
Author's notes: Been a long time since Enrico got his ass beat. So let's commence!
Her Majesty thought that having a meeting inside of a stuffy room was, well stuffy, and so she decided to take the members of the Hellsing Organization and the Iscariot Organization on a refreshing walk. She must have been batty because it was the middle of winter and below freezing. Enrico was the least happy about this decision because he was practically surrounded by heretics, only Father Renaldo was there because Anderson had the flu. How did a Regenerator get the flu? Why did he even bother to come to this God forbidden country? In front of him walked the Queen with some of her guards and Sir Integra Hellsing. Next to Integra, was the tall vampire Alucard, who at the moment said something that earned him a nudge and a chuckle from his Master. Walter walked silently, taking in the sights of the city. So Maxwell was pretty much alone with his thoughts and at the moment they were pretty angry thoughts. He could never seem to beat Integra at anything and she was extremely violent. There had to be something she was not good at! Sometimes Maxwell just wished he could get upper hand on that uppity bitch, just once. He reached out and gave her hair a sharp tug- that was HUGE mistake. By now the small party had been crossing over the London Bridge and Maxwell knew what was going to happen. First Integra popped him a solid one in the lip and then with Hulk-like strength picked him up and threw over the wall and off the bridge. It was a long fall from the bridge to the frigid waters of the River Thames below; it was also a painful landing.
"Sir Integra, you didn't have to do that!" chided Father Renaldo. The commander just rolled her eyes; she was hoping that Maxwell didn't know how to swim. They could only watch helplessly as Maxwell struggled to find dry land. When the bishop was rescued, he was wrapped in large warm blankets and while he sat on a bench shivering, Integra sneered; "The next time you put your filthy hands in my hair, I will feed you to a ghoul."
After that ordeal, Maxwell was glad to have been bought back to his hotel room to take a hot bath. While everyone else was feeling sorry for the cold and wet man, Integra and Alucard had a good laugh over what happened. As he sat in his hot bath, Maxwell seethed, how dare that sow treat him like this? Of course Father Renaldo had to say that he shouldn't have pulled Integra's hair. Who cares it was over anyway. Then there was a loud bump outside the bathroom that startled the Bishop. Maxwell hoped that if he ignored whatever it is, it would go away. It seemed to work at first and then it began again. When he went to investigate, with a broom in hand, there was nothing to be found. Then there was a knock on the door and when Maxwell went to see who it was, there was no one there. Suddenly he was pushed out the room and the door slammed shut. Now Maxwell knew he was in trouble because he was ass naked and in the hallway. Now common sense dictates that one should try to cover up and call for help or at least someone who would help. But did Maxwell do that? Oh no. Instead he first banged on his own door, hoping for some miracle and when that did not work, he accosted people trying to go on about their afternoon by demanding that they help him get into his own room. These people in turn screamed or cursed him out. Then Maxwell started knocking on doors pleading for help. Of course this did nothing, how would you react if you opened the door and saw a naked man with a broom stick in his hand? I don't even want to know what the broom stick means. Well a British SWAT team showed up and things got even worse.
"Sir, I'm going to ask you once to drop the broom and put your hands in the air!" ordered the Team Leader.
"I'm just trying to get into my room!" cried Maxwell.
"DROP THE BROOM! HANDS IN THE AIR!"
"This is not really…"
"DON'T TAKE ANOTHER STEP! HANDS IN THE AIR, NOW!"
"Ok, ok, but you're making a big mistake!"
Just then a little girl opened a door and said; "Mommy, why is the nasty man naked? Is he one of the dirty priests from the news?"
"I AM NOT A NASTY PRIEST, YOU…."
At this moment the entire SWAT team tasered Maxwell and he fell to the ground flopping like a naked fish, while the girl's mother closed the door. When they had Maxwell secured and covered, the SWAT leader said over his headset; "Sir, we have him secure, you may come up now." After a couple of minutes, Maxwell saw his worst enemy saunter off the elevator. It looked like Integra had been in the lobby for a while because she handed one of the SWAT team members a tea cup and saucer. Maxwell struggled against the men holding him while yelling; "YOU DID THIS, YOU SOW!"
The SWAT leader growled; "I'd advise you show some respect, boy".
Integra shook her head; "Maxwell, Maxwell, why are you so stupid?"
"IT WAS YOU!"
Knowing that once the British sent Maxwell back to the Vatican, that they would just cover it up like it never happened, Integra called EVERY British media, so they would be there when they dragged the bishop out of the hotel. And that's what happened, Maxwell was greeted by yelling journalist who hurled questions at him, by the flashing lights of cameras and the shouting of bystanders who called him names like "pedophile" and "pervert". Meanwhile in the background Integra and Alucard gave each high fives, while Walter just sighed. Moral of this story? Do not pull Integra's hair.
Chapter End