AN: Hello everybody and welcome to the New Year. We hope this festive season was without a hitch and that you are ready for 2014. We will resume our regular posting schedule of a chapter every Monday until this story sees its completion. Our apologies also for the somewhat lopsided post tonight, the one which does the posting had problems accessing the account and only regained access this morning.
Chapter 13
Ten days,Helena thought as she stared at her omnitool. We've been on the Normandy for ten days.
It didn't feel that way of course, not to her at least. She had been unconscious for more than half of it: drugged and on pain medication for the rest. But, she could feel how time had passed. She could see the change in Rinn. Despite the new problem with her health, Rinn hardly walked with a limp anymore. She wasn't in any pain, to Helena's knowledge anyway, and of the two of them, she seemed to be the one most interested in facing this world. Even with her new predicament, she was still interested in learning.
Helena watched her for most of the morning, allowing her own mind to spread, allowing herself to think. Nothing exciting had happed for the rest of the previous day. The irony of where they were was that things were normal. Or, as normal as it could be anyway.
If Shepard was out there saving the galaxy, they were pretty far removed from it. Helena had read her share of self inserts and could not help but feel cheated. As far as she knew, very few of the other characters ever ended up disabled.
I'm not disabled, she thought as she flexed her hand, trying out some movement. And, they say that I won't be. It's just... going to take time.
Next to her, Rinn whistled suddenly. She had been playing on her omnitool since Helena woke up and looked... amused. She had been keen to share with Helena all sorts of news highlights which, in a very surreal kind of way, read like some kind of story.
"I always thought she was misunderstood," Rinn commented out of the blue. "But maybe she really is a pernicious, backstabbing wench."
Panicking for a moment, thinking that she had been caught at not paying attention, Helena ran through the previous few minutes in her mind and decided that she was safe. Rinn hadn't mentioned whom she was reading about.
"Who's that then?" She queried, immediately earning her her friend's attention.
"Khalisah al-Jilani," Rinn answered, her features spreading to a grin. "She wrote another article about Katelyn, must really be running low on plot-bunny ideas. You could swear she hasn't met her at all. It reads..." she giggled. "Like fan fiction."
It was difficult to say exactly why, but Helena was put on edge when Rinn giggled again. Still, she kept her features blank, telling herself that she was a stick in the mud.
"What's it about?" She queried, studying her friend's reaction. Again, Rinn's features spread to an ear-splitting grin as she waved her omnitool in Helena's direction.
"Kate being either insane or willingly in cahoots with terrorists," she laughed suddenly, an explosive sound that made both Chakwas and Anita look up from their separate stations. "Hmm... It makes Kate sound like she's rubbing hands, cackling like an evil genius."
Helena was ultimately reminded of the game both she and Rinn favoured and spared a moment to mourn the loss of the 2004 game title. She doubted that Evil Genius still existed in this world...
"It's rather amusing," Rinn said, still grinning.
Helena studied her for a moment, taking in her relaxed features and her attitude that was beginning to border on silly. What's wrong with you?
"I'd imagine rather insulting if you're Commander Shepard," she pointed out dryly and was about to ask Rinn another question when her friend spoke up happily.
"Probably," Rinn said. "She probably deserves being decked. Repeatedly. But Kate's too awesome for that. She's nice." Her eyes became a bit wider. "Miranda isn't so nice. She looks at us like test subjects. It's really, really creepy. And intimidating. She's an intimidating woman."
Helena couldn't believe what she was hearing. She considered asking her friend what the hell was wrong with her internal editor, when the woman grinned at Anita.
"You're nicer," she told the nurse who also raised an eyebrow as Rinn turned to Chakwas. "You're the nicest." Her voice was positively dripping with warmth and it made Helena very uncomfortable.
"Rinn, are you..." Her first reaction would've been to ask her if she was drunk, but luckily Helena had the sense to edit herself and change her tune slightly. "Are you feeling alright?"
Rinn rewarded her with a grin and an odd bob of her head. "Yup," she said, drawling it out like a cowboy. Then, she grinned suddenly. "Fabulous darling," she said, her tone changing slightly. "Absolutely fabulous." She grinned madly, as if Helena should find it amusing as well.
She didn't.
Again she was about to open her mouth to speak when Rinn suddenly shook her head quite vigorously. "Ugh, now I have that song in my head," she said and started humming 'Still Alive' from Portal. It chilled Helena a bit. She vaguely remembered singing part of it in the shuttle that brought them here.
"What song?" she queried, trying to see if she could focus Rinn and bring her on a singular tract. Her friend stopped humming immediately.
"Absolutely fabulous," she said happily. "Pet Shop Boys. Fortunately some of the songs I got help. They're not as dandy as musicals, but they're okay." She paused suddenly and went back to her omnitool, her fingers vigorously moving over the screen. "Maybe I should try those."
Helena had been fairly well behaved as a teenager, but her friends hadn't. And Rinn's behaviour was striking a cord. The woman looked... high.
"Try what?" Helena asked, trying to keep the irritation from her voice.
Rinn laughed. "Musicals, silly," she said. "Try to keep up," she grinned triumphantly as if the phrase gave her a sense of achievement. "They can be very distracting. Nothing like your rawh rawh music. Scream. Growl." Rinn made a growling sound. "Dunno how their voices deal with that, poor things. Don't know how your ears deal with it either."
Helena's mouth thinned. "They use synthesizers," she said dryly, defending her chosen love of music. "And there's more to metal than just..." She paused and really thought about what Rinn had done. She had growled. And she had been very forthcoming over how she felt about practically everybody that they've met so far.
That was not like Rinn.
"Are you sure you're alright?" Helena asked and carefully tried to shift so that she could get a better view of her friend. She saw Rinn pause to evaluate herself before she grinned happily. The woman seemed completely relaxed.
"I'm just dandy," she proclaimed finally. "How are you doing?"
Helena resisted the urge to growl. "I'm... fine," she said. "You seem awfully perky. And you sounded as if you were flirting with Chakwas."
Rinn was grinning that idiotic grin of hers. Helena didn't know what to make of it as she glanced at Chakwas who was still at her desk doing paperwork, looking very amused with the conversation.
"Don't you think she's nice?" Rinn queried, then said in a conspiratorial tone "She might be unhappy if she thought you didn't."
I don't give a damn what the doctor thinks, Helena fumed. Her tolerance for silliness was minimal at best and this was getting ridiculous.
"I'm too old for you, my dear," Chakwas intoned, adding her five cents to the conversation. "I'm sorry." She met Helena's gaze as if she was daring her to say something. The ginger chose not to, but watched as Rinn snapped her fingers.
"Drat," she pouted. "So no coffee with you, but do I still get hot chocolate? It's awesome." Helena had not yet had hot chocolate in the infirmary. She frowned at Chakwas who glanced at Anita for a moment before closing her notes. "I'll bring you both some," she said. "Can't be accused of having favourites. Anita?"
The news clearly made Rinn happy. "Yay!" she exclaimed. "Thank you..." She motioned to the departing doctor as she turned back to Helena. "See? Nice." Her friend giggled, a sound that made Helena shudder as she tried to sit up straighter. She watched as a smiling Anita came over to Rinn's bed and checked up on her stats.
"How many pills did I give you this morning?" she queried, her tone amused, but her eyes sharper as she studied Rinn's readings. Her friend stuck her tongue out as she thought, using her fingers to tap them off.
"Err, two?" she said. "Three? Maybe four. I don't know actually. You should've made them different colours." Anita raised an eyebrow at her and dropped a hand to her wrist to check her pulse. It was a curious gesture that Helena had seen Chakwas use as well. She couldn't imagine that they needed to with all of their medical equipment, but it was as if the infirmary staff still needed some form of contact to establish whether their patients were fine. Or, perhaps it was for the patients themselves. Helena tried to remember if Miranda had ever taken her pulse. As far as she knew, the woman had never touched her other than out of necessity.
But she's done enough of that.
"That sounds about right," Anita said with a small smile though her brow furrowed in concentration. "Are you feeling light headed at all?"
Rinn giggled in response and shook her head. Unable to contain herself, Helena motioned to her friend.
"Light headed?" she queried. "She sounds as high as a kite."
Anita glanced at her and smiled amused. "I think she might be a little," she confessed and glanced back at Dr Chakwas who came through the door, carrying a tray of cups. She moved to the doctor immediately, taking the tray from her. Helena got the impression that there was an exchange of some sort, but she couldn't make it out. As Anita went to put two cups down on the doctor's table and bring another over to her, Dr Chakwas kept the last one and brought it over to Rinn. Her friend focused on it immediately.
"Thank you!" she exclaimed with a delight that bordered on childlike. Chakwas relinquished the cup and winked at her though her eyes were sharper now as she studied Rinn's features and then looked at her stats.
"I'm thinking the sugar might not be such a good idea at the moment," the doctor joked. "But I'll glance over it this time." Helena watched as Rinn shushed Chakwas and took a sip of the hot chocolate. She yawned mid sip, seemed to hesitate a moment as if she couldn't quite remember what she was doing, then noticed the cup again and continued drinking.
When Anita passed Helena her cup she made a point of meeting the woman's gaze, taking a hold of her wrist before she touched the cup.
"Is something wrong?" she queried in a whisper.
Anita hesitated then came closer to the bed, bringing her head closer to Helena's.
"We increased her medication this morning," Anita said. "Yesterday's dose wasn't sufficient. It could be that she's having a reaction to that. It's harmless. She should stabilise in a few hours."
Helena snorted and carefully took the cup with her left hand. Although she hadn't lost the dexterity in her injured side's hand, she definitively lost quite a lot of movement in the arm and shoulder. It'll come right.
"My patience isn't harmless," she confessed. "I can't deal with..." She didn't know how to name it. "That."
Anita smiled at her amused, but didn't comment immediately. She had been an interesting addition to the infirmary. Logically, it made sense that Chakwas should have help, but because they never saw anybody else in the game, Helena never really thought about it.
"You'll survive," Anita said finally and went back to the desk, glancing first at Chakwas to see if she was needed for anything else. Helena followed her movements, then turned back to the doctor who came over to her bed to have a look at her numbers.
"Everything alright?" Helena asked and could immediately tell that she wasn't going to get a straight answer from the older woman.
"Of course," Chakwas said. "Is there anything specific you want for lunch?"
Beside them, Rinn giggled. "She doesn't like answers like that," she pointed out, grinning as she put her cup next to her bed to turn towards them. "It makes her think there's something wrong. There's no arguing with her really, she doesn't trust happy people."
Helena snorted and sniffed, glaring at Chakwas to show her that her amusement wasn't appreciated. "I love happy people," she said and focused back on her friend. "Maybe you should lie down for a bit. Sleep it off."
Rinn didn't pick up on the bite in her tone and shook her head humming. "Nope," she said. "I'm not tired. Very comfortable. My leg feels fantastic. Can I go for a walk?" Her eyes brightened suddenly and she turned back to Helena. "Hey, hey ,lady... We're in Spaace!" Portal.Defective space core. Lovely.
Chakwas shook her head, turning away from Helena. "I think you should stay here for a bit," she said. "Just till we know how this will turn..." She trailed off when the infirmary door opened, admitting two people.
Helena turned to them, surprised when she saw someone or rather something she had never seen before. Tali was supporting a man who Helena guessed must've been an engineer, judging by the amount of oil and grease on his clothes. His hand was pressed against a bad head wound, trying to stem the blood flow. His eyes were covered in blood and, by the way he was squinting, Helena guessed he had trouble seeing.
Both Dr Chakwas and Anita moved immediately to their aid. Helena didn't miss the confused look Chakwas briefly turned to the ceiling and guessed that usually EDI'd warn her of such an emergency.
But we're in lockdown, she thought bitterly as she watched the two medical officers guide the man to the bed opposite of them. We're not supposed to know we're being spied on twenty-four seven.
"Rig slipped," Tali said by way of explanation, her voice distorted behind the mask. "Caught him pretty hard. EDI said..." As anticipated, Chakwas gave Tali a brief warning look. "Engineer EDI said I should bring him up." The quarian turned to the two beds and glanced at them before she shifted awkwardly and turned her attention back to her workmate. As morbid as it was, Helena was fascinated by the show purely because it brought change.
Rinn is right, she thought as she first looked at Chakwas instructing the engineer to take his hand away from the wound, then glanced to Tali. Her suit is beautiful.
She turned to share a look with Rinn and immediately felt her stomach drop. Oh no... Images of the mine came and went and she remembered how she had always tried to push Rinn forward, to drag her away from the bleeding bodies, to stop her from focusing, to stop her from seeing Helena's wound...
"Rinn?" She began, but could tell immediately that she wasn't going to get any response. Her friend was looking at the spectacle with a pale, frozen expression, her green eyes fixed on the blood trailing down the man's face. Head wounds were always the worst.
All of Helena's irritation over her silliness vanished. "Rinn," she said again, trying to get her voice to go a little louder without drawing any more attention to them. "Rinn, look at me."
Her friend refused; her gaze warped by a horror that had nothing to do with the drama in the infirmary. Grimacing, Helena bit her lip and carefully shifted off of the bed. The pain in her shoulder flared up immediately, but she bit down hard and continued regardless, pressing her right arm as tightly against her chest as possible in an attempt to keep her shoulder immobile. The moment she sat up completely, her head began to buzz and she saw black dots start to flicker around her vision. She breathed through her nose and waited for the sensation to pass.
"Rinn," Helena breathed again, hoping that her movement might've roused her friend's attention, but Rinn was still staring at the bustle around the injured engineer. His head wound was still bleeding significantly and Helena could see how his skin threatened to sag on the one side. The rig nearly scalped him, by the look of it.
"It's okay, Rinn," she murmured more to herself than her friend and finally gathered the courage to move her feet off of the edge of the bed. Her ears popped and her vision threatened to phase out again, but Helena pushed through, using the discomfort in her shoulder to anchor her. Her legs trembled when they touched the ground and Helena made very sure that she was steady before she risked dropping any weight to them. She was still in her flimsy hospital robe that bared her back, but they had at least given her some pants that morning.
"Rinn, it's okay," Helena finally managed to reach the other bed and grabbed her friend's hand as much as a lifeline for herself as for the woman. "Rinn, look at me." There was nowhere to sit so she propped her hip against the bed and tried to steady herself past the weakness in her limbs. Vaguely it dawned on her that she had not moved much in the ten days since she's been in the infirmary.
The moment their hands touched, her friend's attention snapped to Helena, a gasp starting on her lips. Her grip tightened painfully and she looked ready to start crying suddenly. There wasn't a hint of blood in her face.
"I... I'm sorry," Rinn whispered. "I didn't mean... It wasn't... I didn't... I mean..."
Helena made a soothing sound and squeezed her friend's hand, hoping that she could somehow block the spectacle with her body. "It's okay," she said quickly. "Just look at me. Just at me. I thought of another song we can teach Professor Solus." Helena felt Rinn's own tremor and saw the sheen of cold sweat that had appeared on her forehead. She didn't respond to Helena's words and her gaze kept threatening to return to the injured engineer.
"Hey," Helena said quickly, raising her voice a bit. "Just keep looking at me. I think Mordin would appreciate the ingenuity of 'Want you gone'. Don't you think? You mentioning space made me think about it."
Rinn stifled a sob and raised a shaky hand to her face. "I'm really sorry," was all she could manage to say.
Feeling a touch of dismay, Helena remembered the way Ramsey had hit Rinn in the elevator to snap her out of her horror. I'm sorry, I wish I could've found a way to save you...
"It's alright," Helena said simply and tried to bring the conversation back to a song. "I can't remember how the song starts, mind. Mordin's yet to come and learn 'Still alive.'" You just keep on trying till you run out of cake...
Rinn shuddered then closed her eyes and dropped her head. Helena watched as a drop of sweat trailed down from her temple and pause on her cheek. Rinn's grip on her hand was becoming painful and Helena's knees were threatening to buckle. I'm going to have to call for help... Should've from the beginning...
Rinn hummed the first six notes of a song that periodically got stuck in Helena's head. Thank the stars... "Well, here we are again," Rinn whispered more than she sang. Helena nodded in encouragement and finally managed to lift her one leg up onto the bed so that she could sit. The pain in her back was forcing her to take a short breaths and she just managed to hum the next couple of notes. Rinn looked up and met her gaze, her eyes red and filled with panic.
"My mind's a blank on the words," Helena whispered, squeezing her friend's hand. "You carry on."
Rinn took a quick breath and licked her lips, thinking. "It feels like..." She frowned then shook her head. "No, I can't remember. The next line after..." Her mouth formed a silent cry, but then she pulled herself back. Her hand was now slick in Helena's and the ginger suspected that she was beginning to lose sensation in her fingers. Fantastic.
"It's always such a pleasure?"
Rinn's shaky voice pulled her back to the present and she smiled. "Sounds about right," she said. "I just always want to sing about cake."
Rinn barked a soft laugh as she blinked tears. "I like hot chocolate more," she said and rubbed her face, finally seeming to snap out of it. "Cake is nice, but sometimes gets stuck in my throat. Makes my chest ache. Lena..."
Helena waved the sentence away, whatever it would've been. "You still have some..." she indicated to her friend's cup.
"Helena, what are you doing?"
It wasn't Rinn's voice.
Helena didn't dare turn around, but flinched the moment a hand rested on her good shoulder. She shuddered at the touch and had to bite back a winch in pain.
"Rinn," she started, but couldn't find her voice immediately, still breathing through the discomfort. "Rinn panicked." She got the feeling that the doctor didn't hear her immediately as the woman tried to maneuver Helena away from the bed.
"You have to get back to bed," the doctor said. "You can't be upright at the moment. You're blood pressure's too low..."
"Doctor," Helena interrupted her. "I did this for Rinn." Her words were sharp, short and filled with the anger of a whole lifetime of being ignored about things that mattered. She felt Rinn's grip shift in hers and ,although she couldn't see Chakwas's features, she knew that Rinn did as her friend had turned up gaze up, beyond Helena.
"Doctor, please don't... shout at her," Rinn managed. "Please. She just... Helped. I don't... I don't feel well."
Seconds passed as the doctor evaluated the situation, then Helena heard her curse softly and bark at Anita to carry on at her own for a moment. The pressure on her shoulder shifted and Chakwas appeared on the other side of the bed. She didn't say anything as she studied Rinn, checking her numbers and then turning her gray eyes to Helena.
"What is this?"
Rinn kept silent and had closed her eyes and leaned forward.
"Panic attack," Helena's breathed, her mouth dry suddenly. "Hers. Not mine. She doesn't like blood."
"Please, don't shout," Rinn whispered as if to accentuate what Helena had said. "Please, she was only trying to help."
For a moment Helena thought that the doctor would tell them to get their act together. Her face certainly hinted at the urge, but she set her mouth in her thin line and carefully pushed Rinn back.
"Lie down," she said softly. "Look at the ceiling, breathe slowly – you're going to hyperventilate like that." Helena hadn't even realised that Rinn was practically panting. "You," Chakwas addressed her sharply. "I'm not going to move you till Miranda comes, but I'll get you a chair. Set a pace for her breathing. Slowly, but don't stretch it. You obviously know how to deal with this."
She moved away from the bed abruptly and Helena didn't have the movement to follow her. She couldn't really help Rinn lie down, but didn't move away when her friend's leg brushed against her hip.
"I'm sorry," Rinn said again. "Helena, I'm so sorry."
Helena swallowed and seconds later she heard what could only be a chair put down below her. Chakwas's hand returned to her shoulder and she allowed the doctor to guide her to the seat. "Don't move at all," the doctor said simply, then went back to the other side again and injected something into Rinn's IV line. "I have to deal with my other patient." She disappeared, leaving them alone for the time being. Helena swallowed, breathing through her own spell of light headedness that had followed her sudden movement. When she was done, she found that Rinn was looking at her, her eyes still filled with tears. Helena dared to smile at her and squeezed her hand.
"Let's do some breathing," she said. "Doctor's orders."
Miranda was looking at Helena and she wasn't happy. Her patient didn't look particularly happy either, but that was just too goddamned bad.
"Helena said that she got up to calm her down," Chakwas was explaining to her. "It might not have been such a bad call as Rinn's numbers were all over the place. I chose not to move her afterwards. She was also fairly reluctant to leave and frankly I had another patient to deal with."
Miranda barely managed to keep her irritation at bay.
"A panic attack?" she queried. "Why? You told me not an hour ago that Rinn was very calm."
Chakwas seemed to share some of her irritation and looked a little exasperated when she shrugged. "I don't know," she said. "I had to deal with Matthews. I didn't have time to talk to Helena and enquire about the details. I dealt with Rinn and went back to the engineer. As I should do again. Poor lad's got a terrible concussion. Deal with Helena. I didn't know how you would want to proceed. She's your patient."
Strap her to the bed, if it keeps her from moving, Miranda thought grumpily, but took a moment to keep her annoyance in check. If there was one thing she had learned about the ginger, it wasn't to meet fire with fire. Helena was still sitting by Rinn's bed, her whole body rigid and her breathing clearly controlled as a way to deal with the pain. She had propped herself against the bedside cabinet and was carefully running her fingers over her sleeping friend's hand. The gesture was strangely akin to the one Rinn had made and, for a moment, Miranda found herself wondering if the two were actually in sexual relationship. The thought of it made her sigh, because she knew it would only make matters more complicated forward.
She moved to the bed, first going to the other side to look at Rinn's numbers and the latest test results that had come back from Mordin's lab. She frowned at the new message and wondered whether Chakwas had read it. When she looked up from it, she saw that Helena was looking at her over the rim of her glasses, her gaze steady and piercing.
"What is it?" she queried softly, her words whispered for the convenience of her sleeping friend.
Miranda considered her answer for a moment; considered how to proceed. She didn't necessarily want to share everything with Helena, but in this, it couldn't hurt.
And she did point out what was wrong with her friend.
"Her dopamine levels are very high as of this morning," Miranda pointed out softly. "Even before her medication was administered. Do you know what dopamine is?"
She saw Helena breathe out and narrow her eyes as she turned her gaze inward to study all that she had come to know. She kept suggesting that she had no formal schooling, but Miranda was beginning to wonder whether she might be a scientist in hiding. Her knowledge was too specific.
"It's a happy hormone," she said finally. "It has ahm..." She paused and considered her words. "Vaguely put, it's to do with the body's mental reward system. Higher the dopamine levels, the more content you are with where you find yourself in life. People with low dopamine levels tend to suffer from depression." Her gaze turned back to Miranda and had not lost any of its sharpness. "Layman's explanation, of course. Am I right?"
Miranda nodded, studying the younger woman. She considered asking her where she learned that, but knew that the answer would be as it was before. I pick things up. Helena broke eye contact abruptly and looked back to her friend, her mouth thin.
"Are the nanocytes doing it? Or did you medicate her wrong?" The accusation in the last was clear.
Miranda didn't comment immediately, but took a moment to read through Rinn's medication regime. Because they now got little time to talk, Chakwas had left her some notes. The doctor's reasoning for increasing Rinn's anti-anxiety medication dose had been that she had not seemed to respond well to it at all the day before. Miranda had told her as much. That seemed to have change overnight.
"There's no telling as yet," Miranda said simply. "But I would lean towards it being a side effect of the nanocytes' activity."
Helena's mouth thinned again and she seemed to consider her words more carefully. "There's this fungus that infects ants on earth," she said finally and sighed. "Or at least I hope it's still there. You never know what went extinct and what hasn't. But..." She cleared her throat ad got back on track. "It puts spores in their brains which I guess sort of calms them down and then... turns them into zombies, taking over control of their bodies until they eventually die. It forces them to act outside of their natural pattern of behaviour." She thought for a moment. "Cordyceps I think their called. Or that's the group anyway. Do you think it's something like that?"
Miranda sighed, lacking the energy to lie. "It might be," she said simply. "But there's no use speculating about these things until we've run more tests."
The ginger was quiet for a very long time. Miranda could see her thinking; see her renewed anger burning at the surface. It had gone well for the past few days, but in view of her friend's plight, it seemed that all the old hostility was returning.
She needs to get out of here.
"I want you to give me all of your data," Helena said finally, her voice devoid of any emotion. "I want to see what tests you've done, what you've tried. I want to see... What's happening. What you're anticipating. I might not be able solve this, but save me, I might see something in your data that you're missing."
Save me. The words were spoken as if her fate was bound to that of her friend. As if she saw her own demise in that of Rinn. Miranda frowned, considering her words.
"Okay," she said finally and for a moment her words didn't seem to register with the younger woman at all. Helena was still staring at her friend when she frowned suddenly and blinked up at her.
"Excuse me?"
Miranda sighed and looked around the infirmary, a course of action dictating itself in her head. "Okay," she said again. "Why don't you come with me? Dr Chakwas?" She raised her voice, drawing the attention of the doctor who was still with the engineer. The older woman looked up and frowned at her in expectation.
Miranda dared to give her a smile and motioned to Helena.
"If memory serves me correct, we have a wheelchair in the infirmary," she pointed out. "May I use it?"
Chakwas raised a brow and glanced at Helena, then pushed herself up. "Off course," she said and went to the AI core, keying in her code. "Are you going somewhere?"
Miranda didn't look at Helena, as she followed the older woman to the room which partially acted as a medical store room, and helped Chakwas with the wheelchair.
"I'm taking Helena out for a moment or two," she said. "I'll be careful."
To her surprise, Karin chuckled. "She's your patient, Miranda," she said. "I believe you know what's best for her." She glanced at the woman through the doorway. "Might to do her good to get out of here for a while." The mirth soon vanished from her features. "Try and find out what happened to Rinn."
Miranda nodded and returned to Rinn's beside, pushing the chair. Helena looked at it in alarm, then back at Miranda.
"I can walk," she said more out of stubbornness than anything else.
Miranda snorted. "Yes well," she said and motioned to the chair. "You can sit as well. Take note of my good grace, Helena. You have one chance to do this. If you are difficult, I will become difficult over the fact that you got up out of bed unassisted when I had told you that you're not allowed to move yet."
The ginger blinked, her cheeks colouring slightly. Miranda hadn't really noticed, but it dawned on her that unlike Rinn who looked surprisingly healthy despite the challenge her body was facing, Helena had the look of someone who had been on a long sick bed. She didn't argue with Miranda again, didn't protest when the Cerberus officer carefully helped her to move. Her body trembled simply with the effort of standing and it was clear that she was in pain. Miranda carefully transferred the IV bags to the side of the wheelchair and stopped by the dispensary to get extra medication for pain. Helena meanwhile had briefly turned back to her own bed and pulled off her blanket, covering her legs. Standing by the cabinet Miranda watched as she glanced back at her friend, her thin hands inching back to the bed. The anger and defiance were momentarily blocked out by fear, but then she took a visible hold of her emotions and simply sat back in the chair, breathing deeply in an attempt to control the pain she was in.
Deciding not to say anything else until they were alone, Miranda simply pushed the chair out of the infirmary and to her own room.
Looking at the notes spread out before her on various datapads, Helena was trying very hard to keep her thoughts straight. As she had anticipated, she didn't understand half of the medical jargon that the Normandy's smarts had used and sometimes Miranda's explanations didn't necessarily bring her any closer to revelation. But she was beginning to get a better picture of what was happening with her friend and it didn't necessarily fill her with hope.
Grimacing, barely managing to keep herself from touching her shoulder, she turned to the Normandy's XO who was sitting on the other side of her desk studying her. Apart from the explanations she offered, Miranda had said very little since she took her out of the infirmary. Helena could still not believe what had happened. She had expected that Miranda would read her the riot act for moving, but instead the XO had allowed her even more freedom. It was exhilarating and frightening all at the same time.
"This is going to sound really silly," Helena finally ventured. "But have you considered hitting them with an EM field? I mean essentially they are machines."
She got the feeling that she was on the wrong track when Miranda frowned at her. "EM field?" she queried. "Can you explain the principle of it? The term is unfamiliar."
Is she pulling my leg? Helena wondered as she tried to define a term she understood, but never really thought about. No, she's not that type...
"Err," she began, nervous suddenly. "You send out an electromagnetic pulse which then knocks out..."
Miranda's eyes brightened. "Oh," she said. "Oh, Lord. What an archaic term." Helena felt like a fool, but Miranda didn't seem to notice as she leaned forward. "We did actually," the Cerberus officer pointed out. "It was one of the first tests that we ran. You'll find it..." She reached out and looked at the datapads. "Here. We hit it with a pulse which originally seemed to work, but then then nanocytes just reset themselves. They'd lose power for no more than a few minutes, then resume activity after an hour or so. In theory, it's a good idea, but we're still struggling to execute it properly. Well done."
Helena wondered whether she was praising her and grimaced, pushing forward another datapad. "And this?" she queried. "You're trying to dissolve the bonds of the other metallic compounds? The synthesised bots?"
Miranda nodded. "Yes," she said, but her tone was more hesitant this time. "I'm looking into the matter, but I'm beginning to suspect that it will involve designing a very specific compound. Alongside that, you're potentially risking creating a toxic compound as these nanocytes are broken down. As they are now, they're harmless, but the moment you disturb that balance, it's difficult to anticipate how it will turn out. Furthermore, we don't have the facilities that will allow us to design such a compound or work on such a molecular level. Mordin has contacted a few of the labs that he suspects might be able to help us, but they are very reluctant. It's potentially going to take a few weeks of negotiation."
Helena felt a spark of irritation. "Why reluctant?" she queried. "It's about saving someone's life. You have a spectre on board. Commander Shepard. They should be leaping to the chance to help you."
Miranda raised a brow and, surprisingly, there appeared to be amusement in her eyes. She didn't break away her gaze, but there was sharpness to her eyes that warned Helena to steel herself.
"As you were unwilling to trust us because we are Cerberus," she said calmly. "So are many other labs in the galaxy. Those who hold this technology are salarian. They will not leap to the aid of a human terrorist organisation, regardless of who stands at the helm."
Her words made Helena blush as she remembered her first accusation to Shepard. She had known better and even she had been unwilling to leap in and trust the commander. And I still don't trust her. She's compromised.
Helena sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, momentarily taking off her glasses to give her eyes a rest. "Point made," she said softly and stared at the frame, her next question bringing her no joy. "What about Cerberus? Your labs? What can they do?"
Miranda's gaze became more cautious and she sat back, entwining the fingers of her hands. "We have yet to inform the Illusive Man of this situation," she replied simply. "Therefore, we have no access to the organisation's facilities as yet." She paused, her gaze returning to Helena's. "Do you think that we should explore that avenue?"
Images of Mass Effect 3 came and went in Helena's mind, of the Cerberus officers who had been transformed into husks or creatures quite similar to them. And, at the fore front of that breakthrough, Miranda's father. She looked at the woman, her stomach turning.
You can die if Shepard makes mistakes.
"No," she said reluctantly. "No, I don't think you should. I don't... I don't trust Cerberus."
Miranda didn't admonish her or defend her people, which made Helena wonder how close she was to breaking away from them. But your Shepard, this Katelyn Shepard never does... That much she did know. She rubbed her brow, feeling sick. She had no idea how long she sat like that till Miranda finally spoke up again.
"Helena?"
She brought her focus back to the present and looked at Miranda. It was difficult to place the emotions in the woman's eyes and Helena braced herself, expecting the worse.
"What happened to Rinn in the infirmary today?"
Helena blinked at the question, having already forgotten what had acted as the catalyst to bring her where she was. She didn't look at Miranda immediately, but frowned at the datapads, briefly touching each of them with the hand that still functioned as her own.
"She has..." She hesitated then sighed. "She has problems with blood. Serious problems. Someone once said that she has PTSD, though she's never been diagnosed officially. When one considers her symptoms, it's plausible."
Miranda raised an eyebrow. "Why?" she asked frankly and again Helena considered how much to tell her. She knew in her heart that Miranda had done her a favour to come out and speak about what they were exploring with Rinn. The Cerberus officer owed her nothing. Yet, she had taken the time to bring her here and bring some clarification.
"It happened before I met her," she said finally. "I never really asked her about it, but she was left to clear up a pretty bloody mess when she was still... very little. Very young." She sighed, feeling a spark of anger, a feeling of hopelessness at the realisation that, like herself, Rinn had been a kid whose childhood innocence had been taken through the misjudgement and selfishness of others. "She's never gotten over it. Blood really upsets her. You must've seen how she reacted in the shuttle when she saw my back?" She gave Miranda a questioning look, but realised that the woman had missed it. In that moment, she had probably been too focused on the actual mess that had once been Helena's shoulder than her semi-hysterical friend. "In the mine I also had to try and buffer her." Bitter guilt threatened to rush in again. "It was why I had to be so harsh. Why I had to push her..." She trailed off, realising that she had said too much. Instead of finishing her sentence, she turned her gaze to Miranda's window, seeing the stars that lay beyond it. It was beautiful, unlike anything she had ever seen before in her life.
She truly wished that there would be a point in her life that she could feel the wonder again, but in that moment all she felt was the dark depression that came with not knowing what was going to happen to them.
"What is your relationship to Rinn?" Miranda asked softly, her tone not intrusive, but clearly curious. "You two seem very close."
Helena wasn't sure how to answer. Before all of this she'd have said that they were simply friends with an understanding. That they shared similar interests, spoke the other's language – to a fashion – and loved a game called Mass Effect to the point of obsession. Now, after everything, she could feel that something had shifted.
That Rinn meant something to her.
"We... are," Helena said finally, choosing her words carefully. "Here, she's all I have. She's a... point of connection." Helena sighed and allowed her hand to drop to the blanket that she had spread over her knees. "She's my responsibility. I don't feel a lot. For anybody. But I feel something for her. That means something."
Miranda was silent for a long time, her gaze searching. "Shepard once said," she said slowly. "That we all need connection. That it is important to have."
Helena grimaced, thinking it a strange thing to come from Katelyn because she was one of the people she felt the most disconnected to. "In that," she said finally. "She is correct. It is... It makes us... Me... It makes me feel more human." She could say it because of the company that she was in. She could say it because, in some way, she knew that Miranda was the same kind of person as she was. "There are very few things out there that have that ability. Very few people. You don't have to sleep with them in order to feel that. Heaven forbid people singularly understand connection as sex. It's simply... emotion. The ability to feel something for someone else that has nothing to do with your own selfish desires." She trailed off, feeling embarrassed.
"I'm sorry. You know how drugged I am."
To her surprise, Miranda laughed. It was a nice sound, the kind Helena knew very few people heard.
"If you believe that it is your medication that makes you say that," the raven haired woman said amused. "Then I don't know what it says about me for understanding what you mean." She trailed off and seemed deep in thought. "We had wondered whether you two were involved. I believe I now know the answer to that."
This time it was Helena's chance to laugh and it took her a lot longer to get herself under control than Miranda had taken.
"Involved?" she finally managed. "As in partnership with benefits?" She couldn't help herself, she started laughing again. "Gods. No. No. No, I'm not involved with Rinn. Stars spare her from ever dating someone like me." She managed to get her laughter down to an amused chuckle, smiling when she saw the way Miranda had cocked an eyebrow in her direction. "It's strictly platonic, Ms Lawson. Strictly. Platonic."
Miranda smiled, but her features had grown sad again and Helena couldn't quite understand why. The woman took a deep breath as if to say something, then trailed off and shook her head more to herself than to Helena. The ginger watched as she pushed herself up and came round to the other side of her table again.
"Let's get you back to the infirmary," Miranda said. "You've been up long enough."
Helena nodded, hating the fact that she agreed with the woman. She looked to the datapad s as Miranda began to push her out of the room.
"Miranda?" She tested the name and it made the woman pause.
"Yes?"
Helena had to choose her words carefully. Cautiously. As much to steel herself against the answer that she was about to receive than to invite it.
"You've mentioned a few possible side effects to the nanocytes' activity," she said. "I presume the dopamine is just one fraction of it. The others... The risk of a stroke, or... Blood clots. I presume you're preparing yourself for the eventuality that she might die before the complete transformation takes place?" Helena was very proud of herself that her voice never changed. It was calm, even-toned.
And completely the opposite of what she felt.
She heard Miranda sigh softly behind her. Heard the truth in that one sound and saw what might possibly be the end of a friendship that had only come to its own in this world.
Did I risk my life simply to see her die now?
"We prepare ourselves for every eventuality," Miranda said finally and, although she could not see her, Helena felt a hand lightly touch her shoulder.
"Perhaps it would be prudent if you do the same."
"And they didn't have voices anymore," Rinn was whispering. "They were gargling. Like zombies." She giggled. "I always liked The Walking Dead. So different from the comics. So very different. Not that I like zombie stories, but it's more about the people. So different from zombie movies, actually. Very different. This is different from the game..." Her features began to twist and Katelyn could sense that Rinn was beginning to become upset. The tremor in her voice, the wildness in her eyes that threatened to come back. Her green eyes looked up at her and there were tears in them
"I didn't know how to choose your face," she whispered. "I'm not good with that. I liked the default. It was so different. Strong. Beautiful. But unconventional. I didn't know it would be..." Rinn abruptly closed her eyes and stopped talking, her hands twitching on the blankets. Upset by the mumbling, Katelyn made a soothing sound and carefully took a hold of her hand.
"You can tell me," Kate whispered softly. "I'm here."
Commander Shepard had come to the infirmary on one of her rounds to check up not only on Rinn's progress but how far Engineer Matthews was doing. The engineer was fine though he was to be in infirmary for twenty-four hours' observation. With three patients occupying the beds, it began to make the space feel a little bit crowded. Katelyn didn't think that the medbay had been utilised like this since it was built and a part of her wished that this would be the last.
The one bed was empty, none the less. Miranda had apparently taken Helena out of the infirmary, possibly to tell her that they were planning on leaving her either at the Citadel or Illium. I have to call up Liara, hear if she's found a place.
Rinn was giggling again. She had been since Katelyn arrived. Chakwas had warned her that she might be a bit silly and that Katelyn was better off leaving again.
"You don't have to see this, Katelyn," the doctor had said and the graveness in her eyes only foretold disaster. "I'm going to sedate her again shortly. I just want to try and lengthen the intervals a bit. The sedation itself isn't good for her either."
"I have to be here,"Katelyn had said, but not confessed.
I have to be... right here.
Rinn's hand in hers tightened. "You shouldn't be," she whispered gleefully. "Not here. You shouldn't be here. Or we weren't meant to be... Not on this ship. No, no, no. Not on this ship." She giggled again, but for the shortest second her features twisted in horror as if she could hear herself mumbling. The look soon vanished and she was left with an expression of blissful ignorance.
Katelyn studied her expression, wondering what she meant. "I don't understand," she said softly. "Please try to explain, love."
Rinn smiled then shook her head. "I shouldn't be telling you this," she said mischievously. "Lena wouldn't like it. She won't. She understands. She understands everything." The mischief gave way to horror. "I don't know what came over me. I never have ideas. I never see stories. That's what she does, but this... this is all my fault." She gasped suddenly and tried to sit up. "I have to tell her," she said and tried to look around the infirmary. "I have to tell her... It's so important. I have to tell her about the dead whispers. The walking dead whispers..." Katelyn had to grab her as Rinn made to get up out of the bed. The action alerted Chakwas who rushed over with a grimace. She already had a syringe prepared next to the bed and, as Katelyn tried to push Rinn down, she quickly injected it into the IV port.
"I'm sorry, Katelyn," the doctor said. "I didn't want to do it so soon but... she might hurt herself."
Feeling upset, Katelyn looked back to Rinn who had settled back, her gaze shifting from Chakwas to Katelyn.
"I didn't think I would ever meet you," she whispered, her need to get up forgotten. "I didn't think this would happen." Her hand found Katelyn's. "I'm so happy to have met you," she said and giggled. "You'll kill me. But I'm glad. It will make it stop. I can stop it that way."
Katelyn didn't know what to say to that and simply watched as Rinn finally drifted back to sleep. When she looked up, she was just in time to see the worried look Chakwas had been studying her with. When she noticed that she was watching, the doctor shifted and sighed.
"I'm sorry, Katelyn," she said again. "We're really struggling with her today."
Katelyn let out a slow breath, forcing herself to ask the question any commander would. "Is she dangerous?"
Chakwas shook her head as she took her pulse. "No," she said sadly. "Just... Like she is now. You heard about what happened when Matthews came in?"
Katelyn nodded wordlessly, studying Rinn's now peaceful features. "And this is all to do with the nanocytes?" she queried.
Chakwas nodded slowly – the answer clearly giving her no pleasure. "The latest test results show that most of their activity has been along her nervous system and brain. Mordin theorises that they're purposefully keeping her in a more relaxed state to make the transformation easier. They are, after all, working on a live subject with improvised materials..." The doctor trailed off and sighed. "It doesn't look good, Katelyn. This thing might run its course a lot faster than we originally anticipated. Even if the labs agree to help us, we might only have days left."
It wasn't the answer that Katelyn wanted to hear and she closed her eyes, trying to imagine how to proceed, how to make the right decisions. She came up with nothing and for a moment she felt like she did in that box, waiting for her brother to die.
"There has to be something," she said finally. "This can't just be... She's not ill, she can't be dying. This is not... They can't just win."
"EDI," Katelyn said finally – risking summoning the AI now that Helena wasn't there. "Are you sure there's nothing in the data we managed to collect from the Collector ship? Anything? On how to make husks? Legion?" She raised her voice and the geth looked up immediately. "Do you have any information that might help? Do the geth know how the husks are made or did they just use the reaper technology?"
Legion was silent for a few moments. "Data regarding technology was transferred to the Normandy systems 9 days, 7 hours and 42 minutes ago," the machine intoned. "Has the data become corrupted?"
Realising that Mordin had probably already requested it when he looked that the husk finger, Katelyn sighed and shook her head.
"No," she said. "I just wanted to know if you have anything new." She glanced back at Rinn and stood up slowly.
"I think our best bet would be to see what the Collectors have on the other side of the Omega-4 relay. That might be the only place we'll find clear answers."
Chakwas didn't argue, but took a moment to gently wipe some hair out of Rinn's eyes. She seemed to have a dark thought but didn't share it with Katelyn. Before the commander could ask her about it the infirmary door opened, readmitting Miranda and Helena. The ginger looked pale and tired, but her eyes were no less sharp when they flashed to Rinn's bed.
I shouldn't be telling you this, Rinn had said. Lena wouldn't like it... She understands everything...
Anger at the other woman came and went, leaving Shepard to wonder how much she truly understood about her friend's predicament and how much she was letting happen simply to save her own skin.
We have to find out what she knows! We have to understand where they come from!
The anger in her own thoughts surprised her and she looked away embarrassed as Helena's eyes briefly came to hers. No words were spoken as Miranda moved her back to the bed and helped her get comfortable. The two of them seemed to be in a surprisingly comfortable state, Helena's hostility towards the world in general lacking in her current interaction with the Normandy's XO.
When they were finished with the transfer, Miranda simply turned away from the bed with a quiet. "Get some sleep and don't move without help. Please, Helena."
She didn't sound as if she expected an answer, but Helena nodded her head regardless and settled back, seeming to purposefully not look at Katelyn. Angry at the decision to take her from the Normandy? Katelyn couldn't imagine that she had taken the news well.
Miranda joined them at Rinn's bed, first looking at the woman's stats before her features turned blank. Katelyn guessed that she didn't like what she saw.
"I'm going to go back to the lab," she said. "See if Mordin's come up with anything else." She turned to Chakwas. "I gave Helena second dose. Her discomfort is quite high. She should sleep comfortably for the rest of the afternoon. Tell me if there's any change." Her crystal blue eyes briefly moved to Katelyn and she hesitated, seeming to want to say something, but then choosing not to.
"I'll see you this evening, Commander," she said instead, referring to their daily meeting, and then left the room.
Chakwas watched her leave, then glanced at Katelyn. "Did you two have a fight?" She queried, a question which surprised Katelyn.
"No," she said. "No, we just... We've settled our differences. And it wasn't a fight, it was just..." Because of the good relationship Chakwas had with Miranda, Katelyn wasn't sure whether she should tell her that the Cerberus officer had not wanted to go and help Tali, thinking it waste of time in view of their mission. "We've settled. It was a difference in opinion. Not a fight."
She was surprised when Chakwas smiled briefly. "I think you are the only thing in the galaxy that intimates her," Karin said and began to move away from the bed. "Can I request that Kelly comes and helps us with observation? We're a little bit understaffed. I would like to give Anita a bit of a break."
Katelyn saw it as her cue to leave and get the yeoman. Sighing, and making a mental note to call Liara the moment she was done, the commander nodded.
"I'll do so, Doctor," she said softly and paused. "Call me if anything changes."
Karin Chakwas had expected Katelyn to leave, but the commander hesitated and turned back to the other bed. When she looked that way as well, she saw that Helena was still awake and studying at her friend with a look of utter desolation. Chakwas suspected that Miranda had not told her of their plans, but she knew that they had spent some time discussing Rinn's condition. From the way Helena was looking at her friend, Karin could tell that she was aware of the fact that the odds of her friend's survival had become significantly less.
Frustration welled up inside Karin as she returned to Matthew's bed. Regardless of their origin, diseases and wounds could be treated. Miranda Lawson had shown that there was even a cure for death, though Karin didn't want to think about that much. But this thing of Rinn was unlike anything she had ever had to deal with. It wasn't a disease to be treated or a wound that could be left to heal. It wasn't a cancer that slowly ate Rinn alive. It was an unknown and, now that the evidence have surfaced that the nanocytes were beginning to affect Rinn's mental processing, it was beginning to make Chakwas uneasy. And, she could feel that unease in everybody. From Miranda, it was mostly frustration. The woman had probably very rarely faced anything in her life that she couldn't take head on.
Karin was the most concerned about Katelyn's reaction. For reasons she had not yet been able to discuss, the commander seemed to have taken a liking to Rinn, seemed even to have bonded with her. It made her decisions concerning the woman very emotional and Karin could tell that she was struggling to keep perspective. Karin really liked the younger woman as well and her death would certainly upset her, but she was more accustomed to seeing patients die. Her concern now was slowly shifting to Helena who might've been the more unpleasant of the two, but who had a front row seat to seeing possibly the only friend she had in the galaxy fade.
At least we can remove her from it, Karin thought as she worked beside Matthews. This is all ending for her soon.
There was a movement to the side and, when she turned to see, Karin realised that Katelyn had come back to stand beside Helena's bed. The hand Helena couldn't see was clenched in Katelyn's side. The doctor studied her commander's body language. To date, Katelyn had shown nothing more then professional interest in Helena's health. It had been very clear to Karin from the start that the two gingers did not get on well. Still, Katelyn was Katelyn and now she stood before Helena, her features painfully earnest. Helena had finally noticed her presence and was looking at her with surprised suspicion.
"I'm sorry," the commander whispered.
On the bed, Helena shifted and sighed. She glanced at Rinn and then raised her hand before letting it drop to her side again. "It's not your fault," she said quietly. "It's just..." She sighed and shook her head, not saying anything else.
Katelyn seemed to relax a little and moved a little closer to Helena. "Perhaps not," she said quietly. "But I tell you this: I'm not going to let this go without a fight." Karin, studying both of them, was surprised to see Helena smile slightly. Katelyn glanced at Rinn and then back at the other ginger. "I can't imagine what it must feel like to be separated from your friend at a time like this, but I'm going to bring her back to you."
Helena didn't look as if she was listening, but thinking deeply as she studied Katelyn. "You shouldn't take responsibility for this, Commander," she pointed out. "This is not on you." She glanced at her friend. "And I'm not leaving her, I'll see it through."
The hair on the back of Karin's neck prickled as she could hear immediately that Miranda had not explained to Helena that they were planning on moving her. They had not established that she would, but Karin and ergo Katelyn had assumed that she would. She shifted to get a better view, seeing Katelyn shake her head.
"Helena," she said softly. "Miranda must have explained to you that we can't take you through. I can't let up on that."
Helena blinked at her, her surprise and bewilderment now clear. "Err," she began. "What?"
Katelyn glanced back at Karin who frowned at her, but didn't get to reply before Katelyn turned back to Helena. "We're in the process of making arrangements for you to continue your treatment elsewhere."
The shock on Helena's face was clear as she struggled to process the news. Karin sat back, but didn't get up immediately, not wanting to give the young woman the impression that they were teaming up on her.
"You..." Helena began and for the first time she seemed to struggle about what to say. "You... You're doing no such thing." She shuddered, glancing at her friend as she did so. "You can't take her through! You can't." Denial and pain echoed in her voice. Karin expected Katelyn to be patient and kind, but was surprised when she felt a twinge of irritation radiating from the commander.
"Helena," she said reasonably. "There is nowhere else we can take her where she'll be treated in time. No one has the information or staff with sufficient background to take this on at the speed Rinn would need them to."
Helena's movements were jerky as she tried to sit up a bit straighter. "When was this decided?" she snapped. "Miranda didn't... she didn't tell me any of this! She just told me what you were doing!" She glared at Katelyn. "How could you decide this?"
Katelyn's back stiffened. "I made the call," she said with a touch of ice. "I am the commander of this ship and you two are under my charge. Miranda did a fantastic job with your back and someone can easily take over from her. With time and therapy, you could make a full recovery. You don't have to be on this ship when we go through the Omega-4 relay. Rinn does not have that luxury. The only way we can save her, is to get more information. The Collectors will have it."
When Chakwas shifted to see more clearly, she realised that Helena had started trembling. Her eyes were wide and fixed on Katelyn.
"Might," she whispered. "They might have that information. You can't assume that taking her along on a suicide mission will be the end of this. You don't even know what this is!" She bit her lip and with an expression of such pain that it made Chakwas get up. "You can't just decide to leave me, it is not your decision."
Seeing how upset Helena was, Chakwas got up and joined Katelyn at bed, laying a hand on Helena's arm.
"Look, Helena," she said quietly as she shared a look with Katelyn. "It's for the best. We know it's unpleasant."
Helena glanced at her and, for the first time in a few days, pulled away from her touch. Katelyn grimaced at the gesture and, for a moment, looked as if she too wanted to reach out and touch the woman. "Helena," the commander said, trying to keep her voice reasonable. "The husks the Collectors have with them are different than you've seen in the mine. More advanced. There are different variations. The Collectors must have experimented and enhanced them somehow." She grimaced and glanced at Chakwas. "We certainly know they've been experimenting on humans. All that data..."
Helena exploded. "You're not listening to me!" she snapped. "You're not listening! Just because you're hers doesn't give you the right to make decisions for her! You certainly have no right to make decisions for me! You can't just send me off! You should've asked me!" Her voice broke at the end as if she had realised that she lost the fight and Chakwas would've reassured her, but paused when she saw Katelyn stiffen. Something changed in her, a shift. Karin suspected that she had lost her temper because when Katelyn spoke again her tone was cold.
"I do not have to ask you for anything," Shepard said firmly. "Don't forget where you are. Or who I am. We're helping you, Helena, and we are saving Rinn. As commander of this vessel, it is my right and my responsibility to choose the fate of this crew, as much as a person can. And if you wanted to continue making choices on behalf of your friend, you should've stayed in the mine."
Shocked by what she heard, Karin looked at Shepard. "Kate," she said, more out of surprise than to get the commander's attention. Shepard looked at Helena for a second longer, seeming to take in the absolute shock and agony that she saw on her features. Katelyn made to comment, then closed her eyes and touched her forehead. When she opened her eyes again, there was a moment of shock there as well, as if she herself could not believe what she had said.
Helena meanwhile was still sitting on the bed absolutely motionless. She did not seem to have any words in her, nothing to defend herself with. When she blinked, there were tears in her eyes and she closed her eyes tightly, fighting them.
"Helena," Chakwas breathed, finding her own voice. "Helena lie down. Commander..." Katelyn, why the hell did you say that? "Commander, can you please go and find out if Yeoman Chambers can help us with observation?"
Kate turned to her, opened her mouth to say something, then stopped herself and nodded. Unable to meet either of their gazes, she turned around and left the room. Chakwas watched her leave then turned back to Helena who had obeyed her command. Her mouth was quivering and her tears were still very close to the surface. Karin didn't know what to say to her to justify Katelyn's actions.
"She didn't mean that," she said finally. "Helena, I... I don't know why she said that. I can promise you, she didn't mean it."
The younger woman didn't answer her, but swallowed and closed her eyes. If Miranda Lawson had built any bridges with her in their session away, Katelyn Shepard had just burned them to ashes.