I cannot even begin to express my most sincerest thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited, followed, and shared this story. I would be nowhere without all of your support, and I am truly grateful. I'd like to extend a special thanks one last time to wollaston, who has helped me so much with this fic. I love all of you tremendously.
Epilogue.
I feel like I'm flying. Flames lick up my back and down my arms and propel me into the air. My wings are singed but I still move forward, higher and higher and higher. The sky is clear and blue, the most familiar and calming blue I know. The blue of Peeta's eyes.
The flames that once shot me high now begin to eat at me, singeing my wings. I lose momentum, and suddenly I'm falling, falling, falling. I crash onto the earth and my bones shatter. My fingers still move, and they twitch, searching blindly for Peeta. He should have been flying with me.
I find nothing.
Someone calls my name. It is not him, so I do not answer. The all-too-familiar feeling of agony begins to bloom within me, crawling down my limbs and up into my head. Everything hurts. It hurts too much. I don't want to hurt anymore.
They keep calling my name. Some voices sound familiar. I recognize my mother. Prim.
I answer.
Doctors come in and work on me, day by day. They give me new pieces of skin and force new cells to integrate into my body. I suppose it works. I don't quite care anymore.
A man named Dr. Aurelius visits me the most. He doesn't question why I don't speak, even though he knows I'm conscious. I don't even open my eyes. I don't think I could even if I wanted to. He tells me what is happening each day, the good and the bad.
Peeta is still alive. He is in a coma, as I was, but his injuries are far more severe. His body shielded mine in the blast, and there was barely an inch of him left unburned. Dr. Aurelius doesn't lie to me. He might not make it.
President Coin's perfect facade cracked when she proposed a final, symbolic Hunger Games with the children of the Capitolites who were in power. The response was less than favorable, and it launched a full investigation into her entire regime. As it turns out, she had been after power the whole time. The bombing of the children in the City Circle was her doing.
Snow had been right, after all.
Commander Paylor, Dr. Aurelius tells me, has been elected to run the government. I remember her from District Eight. She is rewriting the laws of Panem and holding elections for new officials each day. I decide that I like that.
I don't hear from Dr. Aurelius for a few days. Or maybe I do, but I'm not conscious enough to listen to him. Then one day he comes in and doesn't say anything for a long time.
"Peeta's gone," he says finally. "He passed away an hour ago. There was nothing we could do. I'm so sorry."
Something cracks inside of me, deep in my chest. It punctures my lungs and the air slowly leaves them. My ribs crumble, one by one, and I lose feeling in my feet, my legs, my arms. Screams and shrieks and wails are climbing up my throat, desperate to be released, but my mouth doesn't move. My heart beats slower, and slower, and harder and harder and harder, until it hurts too much and I just wish it would stop and suddenly there's this beeping and it's so loud and I just want it to be over and there's something pricking at my arm and I just want it all to stop and then-
It does.
Haymitch is the first to visit me afterwards. I drift into consciousness at the sound of a shocked gasp and the clacking of heels of the tile. He brought someone else.
"Oh, Katniss," says a woman, choking back a sob. "My dear Katniss. You don't deserve this."
Effie.
"Calm down, woman," Haymitch says gruffly. "There's no need for blubbering." But his voice sounds scratchy, anyway.
"You're right. She wouldn't want me making a fuss." Effie takes a deep breath, and then I feel her grasp my hand. "I've always admired that in her, you know? I've always admired you, Katniss. You might not have been as...proper as I would have liked sometimes, but deep down, in your heart, you were always so pure and good."
I want to scoff. I am anything but pure and good. I am dirty and tainted and terrible and the mutt Peeta thought I was-
Peeta.
He's gone.
"And I'm just-just so sorry, Katniss, for everything that's happened to you. It's all my fault, really. If I had just moved my hand just a fraction of an inch during the Reaping all that time ago..."
No, Effie. Stop.
"Hey, hey, shh." Haymitch murmurs something and Effie takes a deep, shaking breath.
"You're right," she says. "I'm sorry, Katniss. I can't say things like that. If I hadn't picked your sister, then we wouldn't be free now, would we?"
There you go.
"Sometimes I still think like I'm in the Capitol. Stupid frivolities dancing around my head, you know. I'm realizing how little that all mattered, how much of a fool I was for feeding into all of it."
Her voice is starting to crack again. It makes me sad. I don't want to be sad anymore.
"Anyway, Katniss, I just want you to know how much I care about you. T-truly, my dear. I quite love you, and I'm just...I'm s-so sorry-"
There is the scraping of chair legs and a strangled sob and Effie runs away, her heels clicking as she goes.
Haymitch sighs.
"Always one for theatrics, that one," he chuckles. "You should've seen her when she found out there was a coffee shortage."
He clears his throat awkwardly. I'm glad my eyes are refusing to open; I don't think I could stand to see Haymitch cry.
"I've failed you, Katniss," he says finally. "I promised to save Peeta, and I didn't. Not in the Arena, not from the Capitol, and not from anyone of this. I couldn't keep my promise to you, and I am so unbelievably sorry, Katniss. So sorry."
There was no saving us. I was a fool to think otherwise.
Haymitch coughs loudly and blows his nose. "I'm going to ask her to marry me, you know," he tells me. "Effie. I don't know why, really. It's not like I'm anyone's Prince Charming and she's still a piece of work, but I don't really think I can be alone anymore. Plus, I guess I love her a little bit."
Oh, Haymitch. You've loved her from the start.
The chair scrapes along the tiles again, and I feel his hand on my cheek. "Stay alive," he whispers before pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Please."
"You know, if you didn't look so fucked up, I would pluck that needle out of your arm and ride the morphling wave myself. These doctors are being far too stingy for my liking." Johanna's rough voice startles me into consciousness. I assume, from the dull thump and satisfied sigh, that she has collapsed into the chair next to my bed. My bed dips where her feet come to rest on the mattress.
"Word on the street is that you're a mental Avox. There's nothing wrong with your vocal cords, you know. Or your eyes. The rest of you has seen better days, I'll admit, but seriously. At least blink for me, Brainless."
I hear crinkling, and then she places something next to my head on the pillow. When I inhale, the scent of pine invades my nostrils.
"This was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me," she says, and then I know what she gave me. It is the small bundle of pine needles I had gathered for her before leaving with the Star Squad. "I know I said that it reminded me of home, but now that I think about it, it probably reminds you of home, too."
I inhale again. The scent has faded, but it still pokes at memories that I had thought were long forgotten.
Pressing myself up against the trunk of a tree as I skinned a rabbit. Racing Gale as we climb to the top, both eager to see the sunrise. Slipping from the last branch and landing hard on my butt, my palms skinned and reeking of bark for days.
"I know that they've told you about Peeta," Johanna says. "That's probably why you haven't been responding to us. I don't blame you. It probably hurts like a bitch right now, doesn't it?"
Of course it does. Johanna knows more about loss than anyone else.
"I'm not going to beg you to hang on, Brainless. It's about time you made your own decisions and worried about how things were going to affect you and not the people you love. "
She pats my leg and I hear her footsteps as she starts towards the door. "Just remember that there are still some people left for you to love."
I don't know how much time has passed since my last visitor. My mother has been sleeping in my room each night, but she doesn't speak to me until now.
"You were more of a mother to her than I ever was." Those are the first words she says. "I hated you for it. I hated myself more, because it was my fault. I failed as a mother and you didn't, and you were just a child. I was so jealous."
"Don't cry, Mom."
Prim is here. How long has she been here?
"I'm sorry for all of that, Katniss. I'm sorry that me not being a mother meant that you didn't get to be a child. It was so unfair, and nothing I do will ever be able to make up for that.
"I tried to save Peeta. We all did. His burns were too severe, and his body was rejecting the transplants we gave him. It seems as if his hijacking in the Capitol altered his cells severely and there was nothing more that we could do in order to save him. I'm so sorry about that, too, dear."
I wish everyone would stop apologizing. This is all the Capitol. Everything bad that has happened has been a result of them, and now they're dead. Fallen. Gone. Just like they deserve.
"Shh, Mom. It's okay. She knows."
I feel Prim's tiny hand wrap around mine.
"Dr. Aurelius said that it's up to you if you wake up or not. I want you to, Katniss, I really do. But I want you to know that it's okay to not want to, too. I'll always love you, no matter what you decide. You're the best sister anyone could have, and I'll always remember that."
Doctors come in and out. They scribble on charts and change my bandages and murmur to each other. I try not to listen. Sometimes I can't help it. Dr. Aurelius doesn't have much to say to me anymore. He says that he can't help me if I don't want to help myself. It makes sense, I suppose. I don't blame him. He says I can still have visitors, though.
"There are two people outside who would like to see you," he tells me. "Actually, there are three, but don't tell them I told you that."
What is he talking about?
The door opens and he leaves. A few seconds later, more people walk in.
"Hey, Katniss," Finnick says cheerfully. "You've probably been stuck in here listening to everyone cry over you. How inconsiderate, right? You're the one in the hospital bed. Well, don't worry. I've got some news that will really brighten up your day."
It might just be my imagination, but I swear I feel my lips twitch.
"I'm pregnant, Katniss," Annie says softly. "Finnick swears that it's a girl, but I know it's a boy. He's going to look as handsome as his father."
A baby.
"He'll probably outshine me, now that I have this little blemish," Finnick laughs. "Oh! Now would probably be a good time to open your eyes, Everdeen. Turns out there were some mutts in the lower levels of the mansion. Rejects, really. They weren't truly dangerous, but one of them nicked me pretty good. I've got a nice gash starting below my right eye that ends just below my left ear."
"He pretends to be upset, but I don't think he minds too much," Annie whispers conspiringly.
"Of course I don't," Finnick admits. "This beautiful face has gotten me into enough trouble. It'll be nice to be flawed."
Oh, yes, Finnick. Now you must join the ranks of the average-looking people. It will be quite an adjustment for you.
"I hope our child is like you," Annie says suddenly. "Brave and hopeful and caring. You're a good person, Katniss, even if you feel otherwise."
Oh, Annie. Sweet, perceptive, thoughtful Annie. How do you read people so well when you barely know them?
"You deserve happiness, Katniss," Finnick sighs. "You deserve to be with Peeta."
I fall asleep before I can hear anything else.
Today was Peeta's funeral. They don't tell me until after it's over. I want to ask what happened. Did they bury him? Where? Who was there? Did anyone speak?
I should have been there.
"Katniss? Can you hear me?"
The voice shocks me. I haven't heard it in a long time, and I never thought I would hear it again.
"K-Katniss?" She speaks slowly, and her words slur a bit, and she stutters, but it's still her. Madge Undersee.
"The doctors gave me a pr-pr-prosthetic tongue," she explains. "I didn't even know they could do that! But I'm l-learning to talk again, and I wanted to see you...t-to say thank you for all that y-you've done. For being my f-friend through all o-of this."
"Can I speak to her for a minute?" someone whispers.
"Of c-course," Madge says. Soft lips press against my cheeks. She still smells like strawberries. "Thank you, Katniss."
I know it is Gale who is left with me. Even after all this time, I can even recognize his silence.
"They were my bombs," he blurts out. "The ones they used in the City Circle. Beetee and I designed them."
What?!
"We were playing by the same rules the Capitol was when they hijacked Peeta. We finalized the plans for their design before we left for the Capitol, but Beetee and I decided that they were only going to be used if we failed. Coin must have gotten a hold of them somehow and authorized their use."
Gale sighs, and I hear him drag the chair closer to my bed. Strong, calloused hands grip mine, and he presses them to his mouth as he speaks.
"They weren't supposed to use them for this, Katniss. I would have never designed them if I had known."
It isn't your fault. I'm not mad at you.
A tear falls onto my hand. "I know you'd probably sock me if you saw me crying like this, Catnip. I know it's not my fault, not really. But I still feel responsible. I've put you through a lot, haven't I?
"It wasn't fair of me to kiss you when I did. I know it only made things harder for you. I do love you, Catnip. I always have. I know that you love me, too. You're like my sister. I know that now. We never would have worked anyway."
We are an inferno, kindled from the same flame. We never would have worked. We just would have destroyed ourselves.
"Madge is...Huh. Madge is something special, Catnip. She's...she's everything. I'm going to marry her, if she'll have me. I love her more than anything."
Suddenly he's crying. Really crying, not the little sniffles he's been trying to stifle since he came in. His lips are near my ear and his hands are cupping my face and I'm breathing him in. He no longer smells of coal dust and the forest but rather like gun powder and, very, very faintly, there is a hint of strawberries.
"It's okay to go, Catnip," he cries. "I know you want to. You would've woken up by now if you didn't. So go. Be with Peeta. You deserve to be with the man you love."
My fingers twitch. I am reaching blindly for him, until I find the coarse material of his shirt. My fingers wrap around his forearm and I give it a weak squeeze. Gale chokes out a laugh between his sobs and gives my fingers a squeeze back.
"It's okay. Go have your time with him."
I love you, Gale.
"I'll see you soon. In the woods, like every Sunday, right? Just like you said. I'll see you soon, Catnip."
I love you, Gale. I love you, Prim. Mom. Madge. Johanna. Finnick. Annie. Effie. Haymitch. I love all of you so much.
Peeta. I love Peeta. I love his soft, blonde curls and the tip of his nose. I love his ears and how his teeth have always been perfectly white. I love sound of his laugh and how it wraps around me like a warm blanket and quiets the rest of the world. I love the feeling of his hands on my waist and his lips on my neck. I love his broad shoulders and strong calves. I love his silver tongue and his sparkling eyes. I love him and I miss him and-
Suddenly he's here. I see him above me. He's flying, and he is beautiful. When he spots me down below, he extends his arm. I reach up for it, and his fingers entwine with mine and pull me up, up, up until there's nothing but sky and us.
"Let go," Peeta whispers, pulling me close. "Fly with me."
And I do.
I fly.
Fin.