Chapter Fourteen: The Apocalyptic Copulation Simulation
Sheldon had many a times had done laundry with other people; he had more than enough times come upon Penny while she was doing hers. Kate was no different. When he'd offered plainly that Kate come with him to do laundry, she was aloof, but something in her had changed when he'd offered that he preferred companionship in doing such a tedious task. Kate preferred his company to Penny's: should that have surprised him….probably not.
He readied his laundry basket and Kate was behind him ready as well. She even brought her own detergent, a liquid rather than the powder provided in the laundry room. She smiled with a little beaming grin and together they exited the apartment; Kate locked the door on the way out.
"Would you like to know an amusing fact?" said Sheldon. Before Kate was able to say yay or nay, he'd continued already. "When there were no Laundromats available nor the rooms in which we wash and dry our own laundry to this day, women were looked up to in order to provide the service. They'd boil water over a fire and hand-wash the clothes in a bucket."
Kate looked at him and said, "I hardly think about the ancient times, Sheldon."
They descended the staircase.
"I would think otherwise," remarked Sheldon. He turned to her. "It's always important to look back in the past to see how mankind will react in the future."
"What do you mean?"
"Well," Sheldon stated, "there's the possibility that we all may endure the apocalypse, in which it would destroy all our water source and possibly everything that lives within the planet Earth. Another possible end-of-the-world theory is that the ATM machines and toasters will form a robotic manipulation of humans and we'll be suffered to live under their rule, which, if one perceives the idea, is not too degenerative of a thought; we could learn a lot from robotics."
Kate and Sheldon descended the next flight of stairs.
"Luckily, in the event of a zombie apocalypse, in which we all must fear for our lives from flesh-eating hordes, I've procured a few items in the back of my closet, which includes but is not limited to, a crossbow and a series of DVD collections, all backed up on a flash drive." Sheldon stated.
Kate glanced at him.
"You really have an end-of-the-world zombie survival kit in the back of your closet?" asked Kate incredulously. "You're kidding!"
"I never kid about safety," Sheldon replied. "I also have a backpack filled with the same supplies underneath my bed."
"That's preparation, all right," agreed Kate. She looked at him for a moment. "What would you do if all the USB ports were destroyed in the apocalypse?"
"Then there would be no reason to live, would there?" asked Sheldon seriously.
"That's ominous."
"But true," Sheldon interjected. "Actually, a renowned physicist by the name of Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton offered me the same inquiry, to which I made adamant amends to my kit. I've included a portable with a USB port, and even installed several of the Star Trek episodes, some of my most favorite, in the computer so should the USB ports fail to continue to exist, I still have a reason to live."
Kate offered him a smile.
"You think of everything, don't you, Sheldon?"
"Of course, I do. I'm a physicist." Sheldon remarked, stating fact. He watched Kate move past him down the stairs and they were on the last flight of stairs.
"I actually had a theory of my own, where apocalypses are concerned," Kate stated.
"Really?" said Sheldon. "Indulge me."
"It's kind of stupid," Kate remarked.
"Nonsense, a cataclysmic event which would hinder mankind helpless and without hope is nothing short of stupid, in fact, I've taken to inquire Leonard about the apocalypses he'd hypothesize would incur but so far, I've been lacking his efforts. Apparently, he believes we will encounter a disaster as likely as we all would attend a movie regarding Barbie and her most recent problem of physical appearance imparity."
Kate chuckled.
"What's so funny?" Sheldon asked.
They were now on the last three steps, to which Sheldon stopped them and turned to her completely.
"Barbie has no physical impairment, Sheldon; most girls would kill themselves to be Barbie." Kate stated.
"From my understanding, they do." Sheldon said. "Although I do understand what lengths a woman would go to in order to prolong the aging process, I hardly understand the need to wear the war paint I see Penny or, on one occasion, Amy, or even you, Kate, endow emphatically."
"It's to increase attractiveness," Kate stated.
"I know what make-up is intended to do," Sheldon remarked. "It's the reason why women do it that befuddles me."
Kate looked at him but her expression to Sheldon was unfathomable.
"Some people judge other people by their appearance," Kate explained. They continued down the few stairs and then to the laundry room. "Some people regard their future mate based solely on appearances alone, which gives the girls the need to look and sometimes act like Barbie."
"Do you?" asked Sheldon.
"Do I what?"
"Do you base your future mate on appearances?" Sheldon questioned frankly.
"Sheldon, I'm a surgeon. I look on the inside, because that's what counts."
"I disagree," Sheldon remarked.
"How do you disagree?" Kate asked curiously. "Are you saying I'm shallow?"
"Well, you do have that outlook," Sheldon stated.
Kate stopped him before he walked another step, in doing so, she pulled him back by his shoulder; he glanced at her.
"What do you mean I have that outlook?" Kate stated curtly. "I'm not a shallow person, Sheldon."
"I never said you were shallow," Sheldon replied.
"But you inferred it."
"Wrong, Kate. I implied it, you then inferred it."
"So I'm right, you think I'm shallow," Kate stated coldly.
Sheldon felt slightly nervous. Her tone had become increasingly cold and angry, and her body language read more than easily that she was offended. He didn't know what to say in order to resolve this argument.
"Look, Kate," said Sheldon slowly. "When I was in the elementary school of my youth, there were people that resembled the personal appearance that you maintain. Those girls and boys were belonging to the clique—forgive me when I do this—'popularity',"—Sheldon made air quotes—"and to be quite frank, they regarded anyone who didn't look like them, for lack of a better word, 'lame'. In my personal experience, they were shallow, and by looking to my past and historical events, I have to presume you were—and probably still are—that 'popular' person."
"So you're taking evidence from your past to categorize me as one of the stuck-up sleaze bags that regarded people for their appearance rather than their personality?" Kate snarled angrily.
"Well, yes," said Sheldon. "To do otherwise would be assuming, and you know how I feel about that."
"Sheldon, you could be no more wrong than you are now," Kate snapped. She put her laundry basket on the ground. "You think I'm a shallow person then you're wrong. You think I was one of those popular girls in school just because you think I'm attractive now, you're still wrong. Correction, Sheldon, you're wrong about that and you're wrong about me."
"So I'm to conclude that my hypothesis was incorrect," Sheldon returned.
"YES IT WAS INCORRECT!" Kate shouted.
Sheldon flinched slightly. Kate saw this and she closed her eyes and took a long, deep breath.
"You're presuming I'm the same type of people that bullied you in school, but I'm not, Sheldon, and it hurts me to know you feel that way," Kate stated, her eyes reflecting something that Sheldon couldn't understand.
Not knowing her emotion, Sheldon was tiptoeing her edginess.
"I get the impression that I've crossed some kind of boundary," Sheldon stated.
"You did." Kate returned coldly. "You judge me because of my appearance, not my mentality or my personality."
"You're getting this all wrong," Sheldon responded, stepping towards her. "I don't care if you were attractive or unattractive. I did judge you, yes, but by your intelligence. You and I are equal in intellectual caliber. My presumption to your past inclination was that you are quite snarky when ill-tempered and you do possess the similar outer traits that resemble those that had placed their ill-temper upon me back when I was ten years old."
"See," Kate stated softly, "that still doesn't help any."
"It helps me a lot," Sheldon replied.
"How does that help you?" asked Kate. "It sure doesn't make me feel any better. Perhaps I can indulge you on the fact that when I, myself, was ten years old that I had to get all of my hair cut off because a stupid little boy by the name of Kyle Doors put five sticks of chewing gum in my hair and my mother could not get it out because of all that gum?"
"I was given numerous swirlies," said Sheldon. He paused. "In fact, I got them when I was at school and by a contentious twin sister I lived with at the time, and an older brother."
Kate frowned.
"It's nice to see that you compare me to people that have hurt you, Sheldon," Kate stated cynically.
Sheldon furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.
"Sarcasm?" He denoted.
Kate exhaled a loud sigh of exasperation.
"Yes, Sheldon, it was sarcasm." Kate muttered. She shook her head. "You know what, let's forget about all of this and do some laundry."
"I can't forget about it; I have an eidetic memory."
"Of course you do," Kate stated; she couldn't argue with that.
Kate and Sheldon continued their laundry day. Before they finished the last load, Sheldon leaned against the table where clothes could be neatly folded, and watched Kate put her last load in the dryer.
"Kate."
"Yes, Sheldon?"
"You never told me your hypothesis of how the world would end," said Sheldon.
Kate straightened from putting the clothes in the dryer after closing the door and starting the machine.
"You still want to know about that?" Kate asked.
"Of course," Sheldon responded. "Any theorem of how the world will end is welcomed in my book, considering the best way to come to a precise conclusion to a problem is collecting all possible solution and figuring the best combination to include all suggestions; in my view, the only way to survive an end-of-the-world situation is to do just that. So, Kate, what is your theory?"
Kate smiled and stood next to him, leaning as he did. Sheldon caught a good whiff of what smelled like vanilla and cinnamon. She crossed her arms thoughtfully and turned to him.
"I have a theory that when the world ends, two people will be responsible for procreating the earth back to his current population. It's a nightmare, because the two people left would be a man and a woman with the IQ of numbers lower than ten." Kate said.
Sheldon nodded. That sounded terrifying.
"So," said Kate, "if you and I are the only two people left, we'd have to join them in procreation and that would be a nightmare as well, for it leaves you with a mentally challenged Indian and I'm left with a man who can't spell 'cat'."
"In that case," Sheldon muttered, "procreation sounds even worse; I never thought I'd say that."
"Unless," Kate offered, "you'd be able to opt the chance of expelling the two idiots for me."
"You mean instead of procreating with a woman who symbolizes all nightmarish poppycock," said Sheldon slowly, "you'd propose copulating with me?"
Kate shrugged, saying, "It'd be an option, let's just say."
"Alright," said Sheldon smoothly. "Should we ever become placed in that situation where the rest of humanity rests on our bodies preserving the knowledge of human kind in an intelligent population, then, I suppose, the option could be considered. However, if I don't have to copulate with the unintelligent Asian or you, that would be just as fine with me."
Kate smiled.
"Does the idea of procreation make you uncomfortable, Sheldon?"
"Entirely," Sheldon stated.
"Not the idea of copulating with me?" Kate offered.
Sheldon looked at her and then turned his whole body to her. She did the same.
"Let me prioritize correctly without causing you neither offense nor me the obligation to have intercourse with you," said Sheldon slowly, making sure he picked his words correctly. "I'm more enthralled by the idea of preserving the knowledge than I am in procreating life, but if I was placed in a robotic body with no mind of my own and had the options of you or the Asian woman in making half-robotic and half-human progenies, then, Kate, you would be my one and only option."
Kate looked at him, a serene smile curved her lips. Sheldon cleared his throat softly and pointed at her dryer.
"Your clothes are done," he said quietly.
"Oh right," said Kate. She smiled at him and then went to pulling her clothes out of the dryer. Meanwhile, Sheldon felt his face burn bright red, and wondered if Kate had seen it. His palms were clammy, but he was sure that was talking about the possibility of intercourse with not only another human being but with Kate. He sighed and thought of something else…trains…yes, think of trains…