Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter. No seriously, thank you so much.
To reviewer Mayb: I want you to know that I appreciate hearing from you and I always look forward to seeing the feedback you leave me. You really are one of the few people who seem to like Yuuki, and see the potential of her character. You're thorough, dedicated, and reliable. We may not always agree on character interpretation, but I know that your criticism has helped make the way I write Yuuki better.
To be honest, I removed Kaname's part in the Kiryuu family's tragedy because I'm not confident in my ability to create a functioning relationship between Kaname and Zero if Kaname plotted to kill Zero's parents and make him a vampire. I've already got a lot of plot, and this is shaping up to be a pretty long story already. I need to know my limits, and I don't want the quality to go down. Sorry to hear it disappointed you though. I might try using it in a future story. Seems like a challenge.
The caged bird is not a metaphor for Yuuki specifically; Zero would probably be the 'bird' in the chapter title. Yuuki and Kaname weren't caged, unless by their complacency and unwillingness to move beyond the status quo of their relationship. They spent those thirty years in a rut, stuck in a pattern of behavior together. In my experience, it's easy for two people to fall into a comfortable, safe routine that sticks until something drastic changes. You're free to disagree, but I can't really go back and change it at this point.
But I'm super pleased to hear that you enjoyed the chapter so much! I really had a great flow writing it, and I've planned it for a long time. After the constant struggle between Kaname+Zero, Yuuki and Zero are so nice to write together. There's great foundation of trust and friendship even before the romance. And now Yuuki wants to take that relationship even further; we'll see if she can get Zero to accept her affections!
XIV. No Easy Surrender
"Something important is going on. I'm certain of it."
Takuma sighs and gives Zero his undivided attention. "Zero-kun, Yuuki-san and Kaname are just having dinner together. I thought you would be pleased - you've encouraged them to reconcile, after all."
The Hunter thoughtfully touches his lower lip with a forefinger. "I know, and I do want them to kiss and make up already. But I'm worried. Yuuki had her thinking face on, and she kicked me out of the house. She's up to something."
"Your Hunter's intuition again?" Takuma teases, but Zero nods seriously.
"A good Hunter always trusts their gut. For us, it can be the difference between life and death. And my intuition tells me there's something underneath the surface here. Something significant."
The blond noble considers this statement. "If it's you, Zero, I believe you. There are all sorts of stories about the uncanny things the greatest Vampire Hunters could do. Impossible things, like tracking their target even without a trail, or perfectly predicting what a vampire will do when cornered."
Isa pads over to Zero, and noses the Hunter's hand, inviting him to scratch the dog's ruff and play with his ears as an outlet for his uneasiness. "Those are just stories. All we do is make an educated guess. Anyone can do that with enough experience."
Takuma sighs, Zero's practicality, as always, stomping on his love for a good story. "I see. Well, there's nothing we can do now. We have to let events between them take their natural course."
The noble gestures toward the dossiers and papers on the table in front of them. "You're doing very well memorizing the people you'll need to know for the next omega gathering. Next time we hold a tea with the others, we can try testing you on your retention. How about we take a break, change our clothes, and do a little sparring? I haven't had much time to practice my swordsmanship lately, and a good partner is hard to come by."
Zero nods, mind clearly elsewhere, and the two omegas get up to leave.
"If it's important, I'm sure they'll tell you when they're ready," Takuma says. "It will be fine. It's Yuuki and Kaname - how bad could it be?"
"What the fuck, Kuran."
Once his surprise fades, even Zero is surprised by how fast he moves.
The sensation of his fist punching Kuran Kaname's smug, insufferable face, and the crunching sound the vampire's nose makes as it breaks is the most satisfying feeling of Zero's entire adult life, shortly followed by the way Kuran's ribs crack under a blow from his elbow.
"You lying bastard, you had one job, one, and you fucked it up!"
If Kuran had lied only to him, it would have just been business as usual. But Yuuki has always been Zero's weakness, and he won't tolerate Kuran hurting her; lying about his entire identity was an enormous, flagrant violation of her trust, and of the only bit of trust Zero extended to the pureblood.
Kuran's nose is already healing - fucking purebloods and their fucking healing factor. Zero's frustration mounts as the vampire wipes his face.
His knee to the groin is disappointingly blocked; Kuran holds onto Zero's ankle without any sign of releasing him.
"Stop trying to hit me, Kiryuu. We both know I'm the stronger and faster one."
Zero has built his professional reputation as a cool, controlled Hunter whose temper rages quiet and focused. Normally, Zero bled off his anger and frustration in frequent Hunts and cooled down by spending time alone. But 'Consort Kiryuu' is never allowed to be alone in Rosehill, and his recent Hunts have caused more turmoil than they released. Denied his normal coping mechanisms, and subject to more stress, upheaval and denial of his agency than at any time before in his life, Zero hits his breaking point.
"Hell no! You almost broke Yuuki's heart, so I'm going to almost break your goddamn face!" Zero shouts, incensed beyond reason now, and employs a Hunter trick to dislodge Kuran's grip, forcing the pureblood to choose between letting go and breaking his wrist.
The Hunter retreats, putting some distance between them; the first strike was lucky, but damn him if Kuran's not right. Zero will lose, but he's going to do the bloodsucker some damage first. His weapon of choice is the Bloody Rose, but his ire only grows when he realizes that this too is denied him - his promises and the treaty forbid Zero from threatening Kuran with a weapon that could actually kill the pureblood. At least the bastard's office has all these nice projectiles. Zero can improvise.
Zero picks up some kind of antique silver jug, and lobs it at Kuran's head. The leech blocks it, of course, but that was a screen for the glass vase behind it, which shatters satisfyingly on the bastard's upraised forearm.
Zero grins, and hefts a heavy clay pot.
"Yuuki, bring your dog to heel," orders Kuran, earning himself a quick dodge and another broken object. Zero hopes it was expensive.
Chin resting on her palm, the pureblood in question is watching the show from the couch. Utterly engrossed by the sight of an enraged Zero, she shows no signs of getting up, or intervening any time soon, entirely content to be a spectator. At her husband's order, Yuuki frowns and tells him reprovingly, "Zero is not a dog, Kaname. Don't call him that."
Zero is entirely undeterred, and continues his rampage through Kuran's office. Another crash; a crystal decanter lies in pieces by Kuran's feet. The rest of the set follows soon after, each flung with an icy precision fueled by Zero's focused rage.
"This is domestic abuse, you know," Kuran objects, avoiding the death of another china plate.
"We're not in a relationship," hisses Zero, and throws the teapot.
"This is against the terms of the treaty," the vampire tries again.
"Oh, don't even start with me, Kuran. I haven't even shot you. Just shut up. Shut. Up."
Yuuki follows this whole exchange with great amusement and entertainment, giving off a strong impression she would appreciate some popcorn to enjoy alongside the spectacle of Zero trashing her husband's hallowed study.
Zero's finally run of out breakable things, but Kuran looks unhappy with the carnage, so it's a victory in his book.
Zero stabs his finger accusingly at the pureblood's face.
"Who even does that? Who the fuck marries somebody and doesn't even tell them - 'no, I'm not your brother, I'm really a creepy weirdo posing as your brother' - for thirty years!"
He rolls his eyes and throws his arms in the air. "No wonder you're such a fucking headcase."
Yuuki chokes, hand over her mouth, trying to hold back the noise of her laughter.
Zero paces furiously back and forth, with his arms tightly crossed over his chest to take away the temptation of punching Kuran in his irritating face again.
"I cannot believe you, Kuran. How could you do that to someone you love? You based your whole relationship with Yuuki on a lie - that's misrepresentation, verging on coercion. And then you lied to her, repeatedly, every day of your lives together. In what universe is that even remotely okay?"
Zero stops, and faces Kuran, who is leaning casually against the desk, trying to ignore his wrecked study with his usual cool stoicism. "Were you ever planning on telling her?"
On the couch, Yuuki straightens and looks serious.
Were he a lesser man, Kuran might have looked uncomfortable, but the pureblood is unreadable instead. "I was always going to tell Yuuki."
"When?" demands Zero.
Now Kuran looks a little less sure of himself. "When the time was right; when Yuuki was ready."
"And when was that going to be? When you were sure she wasn't going to drop your ass, you bloody coward?"
Kuran doesn't answer, only narrows his eyes.
Zero tsks, and drops heavily onto the couch beside Yuuki, covering his face with his hands; she pats his back sympathetically.
"What about you," he asks her through his fingers. "Are you okay with this?"
"I am," Yuuki replies. "Even if Kaname's not my brother, I do love him. Though I would have liked to know earlier - do you know how much time I wasted agonizing over my incestuous relationship with my brother?"
"And you're not pissed at all?"
"I am," Yuuki tells him calmly, "but I also know you, Zero. I guessed you'd do a much better job being mad at Kaname then I could." She surveys the damage. "Although I wasn't expecting your anger to be quite so...impressive."
Zero sighs, then turns toward Kuran, who's cautiously making his way closer through the shattered glass and porcelain. "Whoever you are, you're the same sneaky bastard as before. I don't really give a damn; I'll despise you the same as always."
"How reassuring," deadpans the pureblood.
Zero thinks for a moment, the Hunter part of him working double time through the ramifications of Kuran being an Ancestor. "Hold on a minute, Kuran. You're the first vampire king, correct?"
"Yes," he replies, raising his chin.
The Hunter glares with hard eyes. "Do you intend to make yourself king again? Is that what all this - working to gain power and fighting with the Senate - is for?"
Kuran snorts. "Not a chance. I'm perfectly happy ruling from the shadows, letting them believe they're the ones wielding the power. As long as I can achieve my goals, I don't care about titles or thrones. Being king is more trouble than it's worth, frankly; you have power, but you also have people expecting impossible things of you, constantly bringing you their petty problems to solve, and laying the blame for anything that goes wrong at your feet."
"I guess I can believe that," Zero says. "The only way I'd ever take Cross' job is if all the Hunters forced me too. Fat chance that would ever happen, though."
He sighs and leans back. "So I guess we just pretend everything is the same as before?"
"No, not the same." Yuuki rejects swiftly. "In public, yes. In private we're not going to pretend we don't know who Kaname is. But we can't talk about it openly unless we're completely certain no one can overhear. And there's one more thing."
Yuuki stands up, goes to Kuran's side, and looks Zero in the eyes, touching her husband's sleeve. "We're asking you not to reveal to anyone, ever, that Kaname is the Ancestor of the Kuran family. Kaname has explained his reasons, and I agree. We shouldn't allow that knowledge to become public."
Kuran speaks up, "In this age, the Original King is a legendary pureblood vampire. People would expect a myth. A savior. I could never live up to those expectations, and their disappointment would turn on me - and all of us, by association. It would attract the wrong kind of attention, and likely complicate our lives. Some would wish to steal my power, especially other purebloods; it would make all of us less safe."
"I won't betray your secret," Zero promises, threading his fingers together. "I can see the wisdom of keeping silent, for all our sakes."
"That's settled then," Yuuki says with relief.
Zero keeps his voice and face carefully blank when he asks Yuuki. "So Kuran's thousands of years old, huh?"
"Yes," Yuuki tells him, catching the glint in his eye and happy to be in on whatever trick Zero's about to play.
"Over ten thousand," Kuran provides.
"Mmmm. And you and I are just over fifty."
"That's right," says Yuuki, beginning to catch on but trying not to give the game away. Kuran is looking back and forth between them, suspicious.
"So that makes you a cradle-robbing, perverted old man, Kaname." Zero says, looking the pureblood dead in the face.
Kuran's expression is priceless.
When Zero arrived at the library for his usual mandated bond-building session with Kuran, he's unexpectedly met at the door with an invitation to walk in the gardens. Kuran has never suggested anything besides reading or working in silence before, staying just close enough to satisfy the requirements for proximity and catching each other's scent.
Zero's suspicious, especially when he discovers that Kuran has already sent for a light cloak to keep off the night wind, and even more suspicious when Kuran behaves like a gentleman and helps Zero into it. Does Kuran want something from him? Is this courtesy just an attempt to relax Zero's guard? Is the pureblood planning some kind of vengeance for the old man jokes Zero has gleefully added to his repertoire of insults?
The only thing that's changed between them is Kuran's identity, Zero reflects as they wander through the private, high hedges of the maze-like east gardens. And that changes everything and nothing. Zero doesn't care who Kuran is - one pureblood or another, he's still a bloodsucking leech - but that does explain a lot about Kuran's skills, background and character. Kuran is still a paranoid bastard, but he suddenly makes much more sense, and the threat he poses has increased a thousandfold. An unsettling sensation indeed.
Kuran guides them ever deeper into the maze, and Zero's training as a Hunter starts to raise an alarm the longer they go without sensing another person nearby. Kuran wouldn't take him somewhere alone and murder him. Probably.
"I thought you might appreciate a little privacy for our conversation tonight." Kuran says when they reach the maze's center, a grassy, open clearing with a pond and a little island in the center. The two vampires cross over a bridge into the small gazebo built on the island. If Kuran wants a place this private, supposedly for his benefit, Zero suspects that he will find their choice of topics very unpleasant.
Rather than explain what's going on, Kuran seems content to watch the wind ripple the water and sway the lily pads. Zero is no amateur; he can recognize an interrogation technique when he sees one. Kuran is trying to make Zero so nervous that the Hunter will make the first move, beginning their conversation as a petitioner begging for information. Zero's not falling for that. Silence is a familiar companion to him, and he'll stand in silence all night before he gives Kuran what he wants. Now he knows that Kuran is infinitely more dangerous than he thought, Zero can't afford to make any mistakes.
Sensing Kuran's growing irritation beside him, Zero sticks to his resolution, and makes no sign or sound that he notices. Finally Kuran makes his opening salvo, perhaps a touch more direct than intended.
"I received a visit today that might interest you, Kiryuu."
Zero makes a noise to show he's paying attention, following the sway of lily stalks with his eyes.
"Aido Hanabusa came to me with the results of your physical. And he had some interesting conclusions."
Zero snaps his head toward Kuran in shock, fear rising in his chest.
Kaname smiles; there's the reaction he was looking for. Kiryuu's lavender eyes below his swinging Hoseki are wide with surprise, and the pureblood can hear the increased beat of his heart. Kaname's fangs ache a little with hunger, and he slaps the impulse down.
"What do you know?" Kiryuu says, studying Kaname carefully, shock hidden behind a mask of neutrality and forced calm. Kaname has to admit that Kiryuu is more controlled than many of his Hunter brethren. Still so honest though; he cannot fake emotion, only hide it. It's almost refreshing to find that trait in a vampire, but terribly dangerous in the wrong circumstances.
Rather than give Kiryuu more information, Kaname continues to speak. "I cannot hide Aido's results from Yuuki, but I might be able to convince him to leave a few things out."
Kiryuu frowns. "Really, Kuran? You just told Yuuki that you kept the biggest possible secret from her, and now you want to convince me we should keep more secrets? Have you learned nothing?"
The pureblood raises an eyebrow, confident in his proposition. "Would you rather she know what you did to yourself? She'd be so upset, Kiryuu. It would make her terribly sad." There were few ways to reliably manipulate Kiryuu, and the greatest of those was Yuuki.
Kiryuu struggles visibly for a few moments, but shakes his head no, very slowly, looking down at his feet.
"Since we both have things we'd rather not become known, then perhaps you and I can come to an agreement."
Kiryuu looks back up at Kaname, brow furrowed. "What do you have left to hide?" he accuses.
"I'd like our interactions to remain private between us. Yuuki doesn't need to know about our dealings at Cross Academy, or our conflicts between then and now. That would hold for any future interactions as well."
His past offenses against Kiryuu remain the only loose end to be tied up; Kaname suspects that in some ways, Yuuki would forgive them less easily than his sins against her. Anything that might disappoint her - choking Kiryuu, among other things - could cause more distance between the two of them. Therefore, Kaname couldn't let this opportunity pass.
"Fine. I wasn't planning on telling her those things anyway," Kiryuu says, chin raised in defiance.
Kiryuu is equal parts amusing and annoying, Kaname thinks ruefully. Were he any other vampire, Kaname could simply have ordered him not to say anything. But Kiryuu would fight him if Kaname used his power of command, and the Hunter might even win. Truly unique, even for a Hunter. There have been other Turned Hunters who could fight a pureblood's command, but only Kiryuu had such a strong natural resistance that grew even stronger as he learned to withstand the compulsion. Part of Kaname wants to crush that resistance, but the greater part can't help but encourage it. The novelty of an untouchable existence outside his own pureblood charisma, he supposes.
Silence falls; the wind stirs the water lilies again. The garden scene before them is peaceful, and the May breezes are perfumed with flowers.
"What did Aido tell you," Kiryuu says quietly.
Kaname looks sideways; Kiryuu's studiously watching the pond, with his hands lightly resting on the rail. The moonlight picks out the glint of his Hoseki and silver earrings, and turns his hair into a bright sheet of platinum.
Perhaps he can blame the night air for his generosity. "Next time, ask that question before you enter into an agreement, or don't ask at all. You offer your opponent a weakness by admitting ignorance. Ask in order to gather enough information to decide, if you must, but asking afterwards brings you no benefit."
Kiryuu's hands on the railing tighten. "Tell me what he said."
The Hunter pauses, fighting some inner battle. "Please."
Kaname cocks his head, intrigued; Kiryuu's given away just how important this is to him, and it seems like this could be about more than just Yuuki discovering his actions.
"I will tell you what I know, if you answer my questions in return."
Kaname may not care about Kiryuu, but Kaname does mind events he did not predict occurring in his domain. He's turned over the facts in his mind, and he's certain he knows the immediate trigger. But he can't puzzle out what underlying reason would drive Kiryuu to do it; Kiryuu is not a weak person.
Kiryuu bends his head forward, so his hair covers his eyes. Kaname takes that for agreement.
Tell my why you did it; the words sit on the tip of his tongue. When Aido gravely handed over his results, Kaname had felt something stir when he read over the words. The alpha had whined and roared, protective instincts rising to the surface, but Kaname had tamped them down long enough to shape the situation to his advantage. But now that the two of them are alone, Kaname's purpose completed and Kiryuu's scent temptingly close, the urge to pull Kiryuu close and check him over still remains, as if injuries to the mind would be visible on the body.
"How long have you had an eating disorder?" Kaname asks instead.
"I don't have an eating disorder," Kiryuu insists, offended.
"By vampire standards, you have the worst eating disorder Aido's ever seen. Your body bears the marks of long term privation, in every way - not just as a vampire, but as a human too. It's true that you're not starving, but you're far from healthy. You ate enough calories, but your bones tell the story of how malnourished you really are - low iron, low calcium, no fat reserves to speak of. Your body is muscle and bone, and nothing else. Your self-control is impressive, but your self-preservation is abysmal."
Kiryuu is silent, anger and shame warring in his eyes, his truth ruthlessly exposed before the pureblood by Aido's instruments.
"Aido is nearly certain that you're stunted your vampire traits because of your extreme blood starvation, and with regular feedings you should notice an increase in those abilities. I doubt you know this, but your presentation as an omega was highly abnormal. Your two-year, partial presentation should never have happened; in normal cases, presentation happens immediately. But you were so ill, had so few reserves, that your body aborted the attempt - those were the pains you felt in your stomach. Your body was quite determined to become an omega, though, and likely spent the entire next year building up the strength to complete the change. You were very lucky you didn't die, even with that."
"How much are you going to tell Yuuki?" Kiryuu asks quietly.
"I cannot conceal the depth of your blood deprivation and disordered feeding habits; she already knows you haven't fed in the past few decades. Nor can I conceal your recent attempts to starve yourself of food under our care. But I can convince Aido to keep secret how long that's really been going on, if I invoke your right to privacy and tell him that you requested he tell no one else. If he knows I have spoken to you, and will address the problem, he will accept the order."
Kiryuu considers this. "That's about what I expected." He finally turns to look at Kaname. "I suppose I should thank you, Kuran."
The shock of having Kiryuu thank him - without force, though clearly reluctant - lets the words slip out.
"Why did you do it?"
Kiryuu stares at him. "Why deny yourself food while you were still nothing but a Hunter," the pureblood clarifies.
"The blood was because you hate the fact you are a Level D vampire, and refusing to drink blood was a way of rejecting that reality. The recent effort at starvation was probably an attempt to sabotage your fertility; I went through your recent reading material - you had an interest in fallow heats and infertility in humans - and had Aido question the servants and cooks to confirm that you ate normally with Yuuki and I, and refused food when eating alone."
Kaname rests one hand on the railing, and turns to face Kiryuu, who looks immersed in thought.
"But why did you eat barely enough, poor quality food during your years as a Hunter? I've dismissed the normal culprits; it wasn't for weight or body image issues. You're not that boring, and you had enough sense to preserve your ability to Hunt."
Kiryuu's face closes off. "I don't owe you an answer, Kuran. Everything you know about me, you've used to manipulate me to your advantage. Satisfy your curiosity with someone else's life."
And Kiryuu brushes past him to storm away, leaving Kaname behind with a sensation that might almost be disappointment.
Yuuki is proud of herself; she doesn't cry until later, when she can shut the curtains and send away the servants for the day, and even then she muffles the sound of sobbing into her pillow as she cries herself sick. If Zero knows she's hurt, then he'll feel guilty and responsible for her pain, and Yuuki would never want that. She fails anyway; whatever face she's making, Zero looks stricken when he sees it. She squeezes their Consort's hand to comfort him, sitting beside her on the couch in Kaname's study, tries to smooth out her expression, and looks back at Kaname.
Her husband is still lecturing in front of his desk, gesturing occasionally. "Kiryuu's Hunter blood was not enough to prevent significant damage to his body after living on nothing but blood tablets for thirty years. The experimental data is priceless, but it proves that the current formula is not a perfect nutritional substitute. Any vampire without Kiryuu's extremely pure Hunter blood would have died over a decade ago. Aido believes that Kiryuu was spared this fate for two reasons."
"One, his Hunter traits give him a thrifty, efficient 'metabolism,' of sorts. Since Hunters cannot take in energy through blood, only produce their own, they seem to both process and use energy through hyper-efficient methods. A Hunter's body can extract every bit of energy from the nutrition they receive, they use that fuel with almost no waste, and their abilities require very little energy to use. By comparison, vampires need much more energy to accomplish the same task. Aido used the comparison of gasoline efficiency in cars; Hunters are an economy car running on the equivalent of used cooking oil, while vampires are performance cars that need jet fuel to work."
The pureblood's gaze settles on Zero. "Second, Aido believes that Kiryuu's body suppressed its vampire abilities, except for his healing, as a survival mechanism. His body kept his vampire abilities undeveloped to save his body the expense in energy. That's why in many respects he's indistinguishable from a Level D."
"The good news is that Aido thinks the damage is entirely reversible, given regular feedings. Aido suggested we keep going with our current schedule - once every three days from one of us - for the time being. It's even possible his vampire abilities may begin to develop from their immature state if Kiryuu continues the long term improvement to his diet."
"That is good news," Yuuki tells her husband. She's so relieved; if all it will take to make Zero well again is her blood, she'll happily give him as much as he needs.
Kaname - is hesitating? She recognizes some of the gestures he uses to buy time, and he's using one now, straightening his shirtsleeves with a single efficient tug.
"There is more Aido told me," her husband begins.
"You've said enough, Kuran. I'll tell her," Zero interrupts, tearing his hand out of her grasp. Zero won't meet her eyes; the Hunter's face is unreadable, set like stone. Yuuki feels ice gather in her veins, foreboding heavy in her belly.
"Tell me what, Zero?" Yuuki asks slowly; she tries to take his hand again, but he moves beyond her reach, abandoning his seat next to her. After a moment, the pureblood brings her outstretched hand back to her lap, and stands up as well.
Yuuki had thought that she'd moved beyond painful secrets. But it seems she was wrong. And she had not expected to learn that Zero - of all people - was the one keeping secrets. But why should she be surprised? When Zero kept secrets, it was always to spare the people around him, instead of protect himself. Just like the secret of his vampirism, Zero hid his pain like a wild animal hiding a wound.
Zero's whole body pulls into himself; he keeps his gaze hidden behind his silver hair, staring at a point on the floor between the two purebloods.
"What Kuran was about to tell you, is that Aido discovered something else when he was investigating my blood. He found out that I - that I was refusing to eat. On purpose, so my body would become weaker."
Yuuki can't breathe. "Why - why would you do that," she barely manages to form the words through nerveless lips.
Look at me Zero. Look at me. Don't look away. I need to see you.
Like he can hear her, the Hunter finally raises his eyes. "You couldn't have realized; I hid it from you on purpose. I made sure to eat normally in front of you, and only changed that when you couldn't see me."
Kind Zero, already trying to reassure her that she isn't at fault. Trying to preempt her guilt. Impossible, useless effort, but kind.
She finds her voice again, low and rough. "Why did you feel that was necessary? Why did you do that, Zero?"
He looks away again, like he's ashamed. Of all the people Yuuki's ever met, Zero has the least to be ashamed of. "I needed to reduce my weight and body fat. I was trying to - I wanted to induce a fallow heat. So I couldn't get pregnant," he says hollowly.
She can't cry; all the water in her body is ice. She can't breathe; the horror has stolen the air from her lungs. She's a pureblood, she can heal from anything - but the spike of pain impaling her insides isn't going away.
Kaname is utterly still and silent. He already knew, didn't he?
Yuuki brings her fist up to cover her mouth, closes her eyes. "You really felt that strongly, that you would hurt yourself rather than -"
She's not going to cry. She's not going to cry.
The alpha whines. Mate is rejecting us? Our omega doesn't want to be our mate?
She's not going to cry. She's not going to cry.
Somehow, she finds her voice, queerly pitched from the knot in her throat. "Is it because you don't want a child?"
Zero shifts uneasily. "I don't know what I want." That has a ring of frustrated honesty to it.
She swallows. "Was it - was it us then? Did you hate the idea of having our child? We can figure something out, if you really don't want to be with us -" That's as far as she can get before her throat closes up.
Our omega wants to mate with another alpha? Yuuki's alpha ripples under her skin; Yuuki might feel agony at the thought of Zero's rejection, but the alpha contains her more primal feelings. Our omega wants another alpha to court him? To touch him with their unworthy hands? To hold him open on their puny knot and fill his belly with their weak seed? To grow fat with their babe, not ours? The alpha roars. No. Never. He is ours and we will kill every other living alpha on this planet if we must, if only so he can chose none but us and alpha-mate.
But Zero's head goes up with alarm, and he's already shaking his head in a denial. "No, no, Yuuki, it's not you, it's got nothing to do with you. It was me, all me."
"Then why?" she asks desperately.
"It's not that I don't want a child. It's that I can't allow myself to have a child," Zero says.
Yuuki runs this through his head slowly. "So it's not you, and it's not us."
Zero nods.
She curls a stand of her hair around her finger. Yuuki thinks for a moment more, now that her chest has space for something other than horror. "Can we go somewhere else to talk? I want to be close to you," she says, looking around at Kaname's office, still bare from Zero's rampage. Zero won't be comfortable here, and Yuuki needs him to speak more freely than his usual reticent self.
"Alright," Zero agrees softly, as though she's the one hurt, as though it was Yuuki who has revealed something painful. Yuuki can't stand it, so she circles one hand around his wrist, and then collects Kaname with the other, pulling them behind her.
Her alpha instincts are still close to the surface, urging her to take her mates somewhere safe, and Yuuki instinctively heads to her rooms, tugging Zero over the threshold when he hesitates before entering her bedroom. Kaname got to take Zero into his den, so Yuuki can bring them all into hers if she wants to.
Getting both of them into her bed - not quite as large as the one in the master suite, but still sizable - is a challenge, but Yuuki is persistent and both of them are willing to please her. She tumbles Zero onto the mattress with little fuss, but Kaname goes with mutinous reluctance, and tries to force Yuuki into the center spot until she pins him down and arranges him to her liking with heavy nudges and pushes, Kaname's front supporting Zero's back.
Then Yuuki climbs in bed after them, facing Zero, pulling on Kaname's suit jacket until they're pressed together, with Zero trapped - cradled - in the center. On the cusp of summer, it's warm during the day, but cool enough at night she can tolerate the heat of their bodies, the three of them tucked away together like seeds in the earth.
This close, Yuuki's skin-hunger for her spouses simmers lower, but she still wants to touch every millimeter, run her hands down the long planes of their bodies just to feel their warmth and closeness, satisfy some primitive fear with their nearness. Yuuki especially wishes she could touch Zero's whole body, check for injuries, feel for his bones, ascertain his solidity - and she just wants to be closer, so much closer, until their souls touch.
Having all three of them together in her bed fulfills a long-held fantasy, but there's too much pain and need right now to enjoy it - god, Zero had hurt himself on purpose. She takes his hand and holds it against her cheek, connecting them skin to skin, as if that touch could open up his mind and pour out his thoughts into hers. Her alpha finally settles down, soothed, but still on the edge of agitation.
In this warm, intimate space, his lavender eyes can't escape her gaze. "Can you explain it to me?" she asks. "Why you felt you needed to starve yourself."
Zero's eyes flick to the side, the briefest quick movement. Yuuki frowns. "Kaname has to be here; he's part of our marriage too. I know you don't trust him, but he needs to be included in this conversation. Kaname won't say or do anything to hurt you right now. Think of him as a - a body pillow or something."
Zero gives a bark of startled laughter. "I wish I could see his face right now."
Yuuki grins ruefully back. Kaname seems unruffled, but Yuuki catches hints of the offended look hiding underneath his composure. He's likely jealous right now, but Yuuki doesn't have the emotional space to worry about it until she knows what's hurting Zero.
"So help me understand, Zero. Please," she prompts.
The Hunter lets his head sink down on her pillows, eyes distant. "There's a lot of reasons. I guess that's part of what helped me decide I couldn't have a child."
"Like what?" Yuuki asks, relaxing into the bedding beside him, hand sliding down from his cheek to rest on his neck.
Zero hums. "Well, for starters, it seems like a bad idea for me to have a vampire baby when I'm not really a vampire. When I was young - when I was human - I could imagine what life would be like when I got married and had children. But I don't understand anything about how this" - the Hunter gestures at all of them - " would work."
"You are concerned that your ability to care for a vampire child would be lacking. That you would be a poor parent," Kaname says.
Zero startles, as though he really had forgotten Kaname was there, and nods.
"Ignorance can be fixed," Kaname continues. "There are many books you can read, and Yuuki and I will be nearby. If it concerns you that deeply, there are many omegas you can ask for advice; we could find you a mentor of some kind, if necessary." Kaname sounds as if the matter is settled, but Yuuki isn't so sure.
Zero bites his lip, and his body tenses. "That's only a small part of it. If reading and advice would fix everything, I wouldn't have done what I did."
Kaname looks exasperated, but Yuuki gives her chin a shake and he subsides. "What more is there, Zero?"
The Hunter buries his face in Yuuki's pillow; his voice is barely a whisper. "Just being what I am makes me a bad parent. I can't fix that."
The line of his spine stiffens and the muscles in his shoulders go taut. "You know what people think of someone like me. I'm a Hunter and a Level D vampire. Whether it's the vampires or the Hunters, I'm not - not welcome. I'm not something they want. It upset you when your servants snubbed me and called me names. That's not the worst thing anybody's ever done to me. Not even close. And if people will do things like that to me, can you imagine how people might react to the child of a Hunter and a pureblood? Or even just the child of a pureblood and a Level D? My child would always be tainted in their eyes because of my blood. How much cruelty would they have to endure because of me? How could I do that to an innocent child who didn't ask for any of this?"
"And even if my child's life was miraculously perfect," Zero continues, "what happens to them when you have children, Yuuki? The life of any vampire means less than the life of a pureblood. In the eyes of society, my children would always be inferior to yours because of their impure blood. You'll have your perfect pureblood child, and mine will have to learn that their blood makes them worth less than their siblings, because of their Level D mother." Zero's shoulders slump with dejection.
Zero turns his head to look beseechingly into her eyes. "I don't want my child to be punished because I'm it's mother. So I decided that I could never allow it to happen. I don't care what happens to me; I'll gladly take everyone's scorn and hatred as a failure of an omega, but I refuse to subject a child to a painful, despised life. Even if that means I can't ever have a family."
Yuuki closes her eyes and sets her teeth against the pain. Every word leaves a whip-mark; her heart tears and bleeds for him. No pain hurts more than the shared pain of a loved one. And Zero's fears are not groundless - he's considered this seriously. What can she say to that truth?
In the background, she is dimly aware of her alpha speaking. What a good omega!, it says, enamored and fond. We haven't even mated with him yet, and he already worries about our children. He will be such a good mother. What a bitter irony, Yuuki thinks, since there may be no such child for exactly that reason.
Kaname unexpectedly provides an answer for Zero. "I think you underestimate the effect of having us as their sire, Kiryuu. Vampires always seek to curry favor with a pureblood; if we clearly, publically show we favor your child, they will avoid mistreating it. And much of the stigma against you will go away if you manage to produce children like a typical omega. As of now, most vampires believe you will prove barren. Show them they are wrong, and they will begin to think of you as 'omega' before 'Hunter' or 'Level D'. I have no doubt you will notice an improvement in your reputation and treatment if that happens."
Yuuki reaches out and pulls Zero even closer in a one-armed hug. "And don't ever believe that I'll love your children any less than I'll love my children with Kaname, or that I'll treat them any differently. I may not be able to change what the outside world thinks, but inside our house our children will be raised and treated like equals. And they will have you, and me, and Kaname to tell them that they are worth every bit as much as a pureblood."
"I know you would, Yuuki," Zero says into the skin of her neck. His body tenses, and he hesitates, before finally deciding to speak. "But it's not your reaction I'm afraid about."
Behind Zero, Kaname goes still, an unidentifiable emotion flashing across his face before the neutral mask descends.
"You don't trust Kaname," she says, dizzy with the realization.
Zero ignores the man at his back, and forges on as if they are alone. "You would protect my child, but Kuran hates me, and he holds a grudge. The sins of the father pass to the son; I can easily believe that my child would inherit Kuran's hate. And I can't risk the consequences of his hate. He's powerful and influential; there's no way I could stop him. There's no way you could stop him. What if Kuran used my child as one of his pawns, or as leverage against me, or hurt my child because I was their parent? Even if he just tolerated my child, rather than hurt them, he wouldn't act to protect them. People would notice that indifference, and take it as permission to harm my child."
How Yuuki wishes she could protest without a thought. But she knows Kaname, and Zero's right - his personality can be vindictive and petty. She wishes she could insist that Kaname would not hurt a child, but Zero had been a child, and that hadn't stopped Kaname from using him either. Yuuki can't refute any of it. There's only one person who can.
Kaname's expression is completely unreadable. Yuuki watches her husband, but he avoids looking at her face.
He doesn't protest Zero's charge.
Yuuki isn't surprised; she's just disappointed.
"So that's why I decided I needed to force my body into a fallow heat. Eating less was just the method I chose," Zero finishes grimly.
Kaname's conspicuous silence has done Yuuki's cause no favors. She can't change Zero's mind on her own; any such effort to change his mind would fail. There's only one option left.
Yuuki nods, and locks gazes with the Hunter. "I understand now, Zero. But I can't accept the method you chose. So make a deal with me. Most male omegas have a fallow heat naturally when they bond during their first heat. It's very likely - especially since you came to us in a bad condition - that your first heat will also be fallow. Just this one time, take a chance and let things happen naturally, and I promise you will never have to spend another heat with us again, unless you want to. The odds are strongly in your favor that you'll get what you want. But in exchange, no more starving, and no hurting yourself. That includes allowing yourself to be hurt." She ignores Kaname, and hopes very fervently that he'll stay quiet.
Zero considers her offer with a blank expression. Yuuki holds her breath.
"Alright," the Hunter agrees.
Yuuki gives a gusty sigh of relief. "Do I need to monitor your eating habits all the time, or can I trust you to eat normally and stop trying to hurt yourself?"
"I swear to you that I will keep my promise, Yuuki," Zero says. "I don't want to hurt you anymore."
Zero never gives his word lightly, and he always tries to keep his promises. Yuuki can trust that.
Speaking of Zero, Yuuki realizes that the Hunter's watching her with an odd expression, toying with the coverlet in a restless motion.
"Do you want a child?" he blurts out, and his cheeks color. "Kuran would rather have me turn out barren, but I don't even know how you feel about having a baby."
Yuuki considers her response before speaking very carefully, "I don't want my feelings to affect your decision, Zero."
"But how would you feel if it happened, against all the odds?" he presses.
That's easy.
Yuuki smiles gently. "I told you, Zero. I love every part of you. That includes your children."
I want a family with you. I want it so badly. I want to give you a baby more than almost anything.
But she's very careful to keep those thoughts from her face.
And she doesn't cry until she's alone. Yuuki's very proud of that.
I said there'd be more Zero this chapter, and it turned out mostly not Zero again. Sorry?
This chapter was not originally supposed to end this way, but Kaname never does what he's told to, so blame him. Now that we wrapped up the loose ends from the second 'arc' of the story, we're going to start some new games next chapter. Summer is here, and the world outside Rosehill won't stay outside forever.
Can anyone tell me if we have canon birth dates for any of the main three? VK Wiki has failed me. Even just a season or month would help.
So I realized that our trio has been on exactly one date together, and it was kind of terrible, and I should probably change that. I've been bouncing around some ideas, trying to figure out how to work it into the plot, but nothing's really stuck out to me. So if you guys want to suggest some places Kaname, Yuuki and Zero might go on a date, what they'd do etc., or even just bonding activities they might do together, I'd love to hear them?