A/N – Happy belated Valentine's Day to all my readers. I really wanted to get this out before the 14th because this is THE chapter, and I figured it'd be a nice present but I am epic fail. Speaking of failing, I've been horrible at replying to reviews lately but please know that I read each and everyone and they mean so, so much to me. OH! And since this is THE chapter, all warnings apply. If you can't get into a rated R movie, you probably shouldn't be reading this. Kripke and Meyer own the characters; I just brought them together.

Chapter Song: Your Call by Secondhand Serenade

'Cause I was born to tell you I love you. And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine … stay with me tonight

Chapter 14

Instead of going back to Bobby's with Sam and Dean, Bella had asked if they would just drop her off at her place. It wasn't an unrealistic request. It had been a long couple of days for everyone, especially Bella. Cursed objects didn't faze her. Hell, even Casey wanting to drag her to Hell, torturing her every step of the way, didn't scare her. She'd worked a few cases fresh out of The Academy where the crime scene photos alone could make a person lose their lunch. She could handle the sick and depraved, and that was certainly the best way to describe Holmes. What she couldn't handle was facing her fears.

She was trapped in that wooden box, all alone with only her mind to keep her company. The insecurities she'd managed to bury violently clawed their way to the surface. After Edward left her, Bella had tricked herself into thinking she didn't need anyone—that she didn't need him. That day in the woods was the day she promised herself she wouldn't dream about love when she knew it didn't exist. Bella managed to convince herself that she wasn't good enough for that happily ever after. Why wish for something you could never have? Edward was mostly to blame for that, but looking back on it, she realized her perception of love had been jaded from the start. She came from a broken home, her parents getting divorced when she was still in diapers. Now she knew the truth—it had more to do with Charlie being a hunter and less to do with Renee not loving him enough to stay. The damage had been done, so Bella lived her life keeping a comfortable distance from anyone that mattered. Up until now, up until Dean Winchester and that cocky smile of his came crashing into her world, she'd lied to herself and said she was content with the loneliness. Stuck in that sorry excuse of a coffin, Bella wasn't afraid to die. She was afraid of dying without taking a chance on love.

Time. Bella needed time to wrap her mind around everything that had happened the last couple of weeks, time to get a grip on everything she'd refused to admit until now. The thing was she didn't know how much time she had left with Dean. So she chose the next best thing. Space.

A week had passed since she last saw or spoke to Dean. Sam was in the car when they dropped her off so it wasn't like she was expecting some heartfelt goodbye, even though she wanted one. It was business as usual at the Sheriff's department. Bella tried to stay busy with unsolved cases, but she knew where most of them would lead. Whenever a supernatural element reared it's ugly head, she'd toss it in her pile for later—meaning after she and Dean were on the same page. Even though it was her own doing, it didn't sting any less when her phone would ring and it wasn't a gruff Winchester on the other end of the line. She finally settled on taking on a missing persons case, figuring it would be her safest bet. In normal Bella fashion, she took her workload home with her; sleepless nights left a lot of free time.

Bella was in her kitchen and had just poured herself another cup of coffee when the incessant ringing of the doorbell caused her to drop the mug, its contents splashing all over her floor.

"Fuck!" She wiped her hands on the front of her jeans, reached on top of her refrigerator for her .357 revolver, and slowly walked over the front door.

Moving to the side, Bella carefully peered through the frosted glass to see who was there … at two-thirty in the morning. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, tucking the revolver into the waistband at the back of her jeans, before opening the door.

Dean's panicked face quickly melted into confusion, and maybe a little hurt. "You're home. You're absolutely fine."

Bella nodded slowly, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, I'm good. Rough week, you know?"

Dean tightened his eyes, his mouth in straight line. "That's all you have to say?"

Despite her heart beating rapidly in her chest, Bella tried to calm herself and put a mask of coolness on her face. This was the moment Bella had been waiting for, a chance to talk to Dean about whatever this was between them. She may have rehearsed it a million times over, but she just stood in the doorway, mute. When she didn't respond, Dean dipped his head, gesturing to come in, and looked around, pursing his lips as he pushed his way through the front door.

Come right in, Bella grumbled to herself. She took a step back, letting Dean walk in before shutting the door. Spinning around, she met his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

He looked right at her from across the room, no emotion on his face. "I don't know." He shook his head. "I don't know what's happening. I want you to hate me. You deserve a helluva lot better than me. I ain't got much time left. Six months if that. You … me … it's a bad idea."

"Don't." Bella tensed, her shoulders pushing back. "You don't get to make that decision for me."

Shaking his head, Dean let out a dark laugh. That was Bella—ready to fight, not backing down. If this were any other time, any other universe, he'd race over to her, take her in his arms, and kiss that fierceness right off her face. That was exactly why he loved her and why he couldn't have her. He wouldn't be the one to watch the light fade from her eyes.

"Half the time the world is ending, but the truth is I'm done pretending. I just want out. I want it to be over. But you … you make me second guess everything I've ever known. I'm going to Hell whether I want to or not. I don't have a choice anymore, but I still choose you. I can't do that to you. I won't do that to you."

Bella squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip. Slowly opening them, her voice barely a whisper, she asked, "What about Sam?"

Dean swallowed thickly. He wasn't expecting her to just gloss over what he'd said. Maybe he'd misread her and she really didn't care about him like he thought she did. This is good, he tried to convince himself. So why did he feel like she tore a hole in his soul, one that he couldn't repair?

"He never wanted this," he said flatly. "It'll be his way out … your way out."

He looked at Bella, her eyes holding a silent plea begging him to say what he really wanted to. Their push and pull would kill him long before the Hellhounds ever got their chance. One minute he wanted her gone, the next he just needed her, any part of her she was willing to give.

Narrowing her eyes at him, Bella lowered her voice and said, "And letting the Hellhounds drag you to Hell, that's your way out?" A snarky laugh bubbled up from her chest. "Never took you for a coward, Dean."

"Coward?" Dean closed the distance with long, careful strides. He was standing toe-to-toe with Bella, his breath fanning over her face. "You have no idea what I've sacrificed … what I'm giving up …"

"Then tell me."

Dean gripped her by the shoulders and pulled her into him, looking down at her face. "Dammit, Bella. You..." He held her tightly against his body as he crushed his lips to hers.

She kissed him back, pouring everything she couldn't say, wasn't ready to say, into that kiss. She pushed her body against his, opening her mouth and deepening the kiss, her fingers grabbing at the back of his head. His tongue darted into her mouth and she let out a moan. Dean reached around, his hands cupping her ass and hoisting her up. Bella wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried them down the hall toward what he assumed was her bedroom.

"Next door on the left," she said, panting.

Pushing the door open with his back, he spun around and placed Bella gently on her unmade bed. He started to shrug out of his shirt and paused. "You gotta tell me to stop, sweetheart, before it's too late."

Bella shook her head and knelt on the bed, reaching out and grabbing the hem of his T-shirt, helping him get it over his head. Seeing his naked chest and taught, firm abs, her breath hitched. She looked up at him from under her lashes. "I'm not going to. Even if this is all we'll ever have … I want it, Dean. I want you."

She placed her gun on the nightstand and tore off her own shirt, tossing it aside. Dean took in the sight of her; perfect round breasts spilling from delicate, black lace, her chest flushed and heaving. He placed his knees on either side of her, the mattress dipping from the added weight, and he lowered Bella onto her back. Her mess of brown waves splayed across the pillow; cheeks filled with pretty pink and dark eyes made her look like an angel wrapped in sin.

Dean placed wet, open-mouthed kisses all along the column of her neck, pausing at the spot beneath her ear. He took a deep breath, savoring the sweetness of Bella's vanilla scented shampoo, before continuing his torturous descent down her body. He maneuvered his hand behind her back, unclasping her bra and quickly discarding it, his lips never leaving her body. Licking her collar bone, trailing his tongue over her chest, Bella's body arched off the mattress when his lips met her nipple. Taking the hardened nub into his mouth, Dean swirled his tongue around the delicate flesh. Gentle fingers caressed the back of Dean's head as Bella held on, moaning in pleasure. Dean lifted his eyes, seeing her sprawled out before him, and smiled against her skin. His tongue traced the lean muscles of her abdomen, stopping at her belly button and slipping the tip of his tongue into her navel. She squirmed under him and he used his free hand to undo the waist of her jeans. He crawled down her body, taking her pants with him.

Standing before her at the foot of the bed, Dean's throat suddenly felt dry. He could hear the pounding of his heart in his ears. It wasn't like he'd never been with a woman before, but this was Bella. His Bella. And every fantasy he'd ever had of her could never live up to the real thing. The room, his surroundings, went black. No sound. No sight. It was like sensory deporvation until his eyes landed on the woman in front of him. There, lying on the bed, was the most vibrant splash of color he'd ever seen. The dark purple comforter faded into the darkness, but the palest white skin illuminated the bed. Bella's bare body laid before him was a shining beacon of hope. She was real, and she wanted him, and suddenly he didn't feel so alone.

Dean quickly stepped out of his jeans and bent down, hovering over Bella. Her eyes met Dean's and she gave him a quick nod, answering his silent question. He gripped her by the waist and licked over her hip bone before pulling down her black, lace panties. Knees bent, Dean could see her nerves as her legs shook. He knelt between her open legs and held her thighs in place. Her arousal flooded the room and he swallowed thickly.

"You have no idea how bad I've wanted to taste you."

He dipped his head down and took a hesitant lick. Bella's hips instantly bucked and Dean groaned, savoring her sweet tanginess as it hit his tongue. He spread her open, desire glistening on the delicate flesh, and started vigorously lapping at her, paying special attention to the tiny bundle of nerves. He nipped with his teeth, eliciting a guttural moan from Bella, making him impossibly harder than he already was. His erection strained against the thin fabric of his boxer-briefs and he ached for relief, but this wasn't about him. He devoured her, lavishing long, gentle strokes of his tongue to her sacred place. When Bella's body began to quake, Dean stopped abruptly.

Bella let out a whimper at the loss of his mouth on her, but was quickly rewarded when he climbed on top of her. He pushed his face against her neck, his warm breath on her ear sending chills through her body.

"I want to be inside you when you come, Bella."

As her body shuddered against him, Dean position himself at her entrance. She was slick with need and he slipped in effortlessly. Bella stilled on the bed, the significance of the moment causing her body to tense. It had been far too long since she let go. That perfect control she mastered was no match for Dean. Who was she kidding? All that control had started to slip away the minute their paths crossed. Here she was letting her guard down, giving herself to Dean knowing that he may break her heart. But wasn't that the point? Love didn't come with conditions; love was a chance you took and prayed it didn't leave you alone and broken on the forest floor.

Her muscles clenched around him as she adjusted to having him fill her. Dean squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth trying not to come.

"God, it's better than anything I dreamed about," Dean said through strained groans.

"I know," Bella panted by his ear.

He started to rock his hips, moving at a slow pace, desperately trying to prolong the inevitable. If this was all they'd ever have, he wanted to make damn sure that he burned it into his soul. He memorized every touch, every moan. This would be somewhere his mind could go when he was being tortured in the depths of Hell.

Bella wrapped her arms around his broad back, digging her nails into the skin, urging him deeper. Her hips came up to meet every long thrust. She couldn't get close enough to him. Dean lifted Bella's body, supporting her with one arm, her head rolling back in ecstasy. He took his free hand and cupped her face.

"I need you to look at me."

Her eyes snapped open; the clarity and pure adoration found in the green eyes staring at her ripped her apart. Dean tightened his grip on her and started to swivel his hips, angling her body so he hit that special spot. Bella's lips parted, her stomach muscles tightening in a knot. She grabbed at his back as Dean continued a steady rhythm, bringing her so close but not quite there. She bit down on his shoulder, muffling a moan, and Dean growled, pushing deeper inside of her. He moved in and out of her, causing friction just where Bella needed it. She felt herself falling. As Bella's inner walls clamped down on Dean, he gently brought her lips to his own and lost himself in the kiss and her.

An hour later they were lying side-by-side, sated and silent, staring up at the ceiling. Bella had wrapped herself in the sheet and Dean had slipped his boxer-briefs back on. The silence was comforting, because the talk they needed to have would be anything but.

Bella was afraid to even turn her head to look at Dean, afraid he'd disappear. She concentrated on the heavy breaths and steady beat of her heart. The tension was palpable and she hated herself for being so weak, for not wanting to talk for fear of ruining what they'd just shared. Luckily Dean knew what he had to do and spoke first. Her heart constricted at the gruff tone in his voice.

"Look, I don't know what that just was." He sighed. "Alright, I do … and I think you do to. And that's why we can't go any further, Bella." He was met with silence for a few minutes so he shifted in bed to face her. She finally met his eyes and he continued. "It doesn't mean I don't want it to. That I don't …"

Bella's eyes narrowed and she gripped the sheet tight in her hand. "When are you going to stop punishing yourself, Dean?"

"What?" Dean's eyes widened and he leaned away from Bella.

Bella sat up and faced him. "Everything you've done from the moment I met you, and probably before that if I ask Charlie, Bobby, or Sam, has been some form of penance. For what? What did you do that was so bad? That you think you deserve to die for it?"

Dean flared his nostrils, his jaw flexing. "I'm me, sweetheart. That's all there is."

Shaking her head violently, Bella stood up, threw on a baggy sweatshirt, and started to pace the room. "You don't deserve to go to Hell, Dean. All the people you've saved …"

Reaching out, Dean grasped her wrist and tugged her back to him. "It doesn't matter. I couldn't save my mom, I couldn't save Sam, and I can't save you. Maybe if I go … maybe all this will end and it will be worth it."

Bella moved to straddle him, her hair hanging down over her shoulders as she dipped her head to meet his face. Her eyes took on a fierceness, her jaw set in a hard line, and Dean thought she looked so fucking adorable he couldn't help but smile up at her. His smirk almost made her falter, but this was serious.

"Let's get one thing straight, Dean Winchester. I don't need anyone to save me. And you're not going to Hell. I won't let you."

He forced a smile, his heart aching at Bella's determination. Dean knew his girl could move mountains if she wanted to, but there was no way she could get him out of his deal. He had secretly been looking for other options once she entered his life for good, but he kept coming up empty handed. There were two absolutes in life: Dean was going to Hell and Dean loved Bella. He knew it was incredibly selfish but right there in that bed he decided to take whatever Bella could give before he ran out of time. He promised himself once his deadline with death got closer, he'd leave before it put her in danger.

E/N – Did it live up to your expectations? I hate writing lemons, but I figured you and these two waited long enough. I'm literally biting my nails over this chapter so show me some love, please?

xoxo