An Attempt at Explaining Why Jack is the Way he Is... (As if That's Possible)
Jack and his crew sail into a creepy lagoon.
Parrot: Well, ain't this just sunny and cheery.
Gibbs: Shut up. People die here.
Will watches as Jack messes around with his compass, which is not pointing north. Then Will goes over to Gibbs.
Will: What's up with the compass?
Gibbs: Good question. Nobody really knows much about Jack Sparrow before he showed up in Tortuga with plans to sail to the Isla de Muerta for the Aztec treasure back when he was captain of the Pearl.
Will: Captain of the Pearl? He conveniently forgot to mention that to me.
Gibbs: Well, duh. He's learned his lesson by now not to go handing out secrets like candy. Last time he did that his first mate led a mutiny and ditched him on some desert island.
Will: Oh, so that's the reason for all the...
Will does an impression of Jack's stwaggering loopiness.
Gibbs: You do Jack even better than he does!
Will bows with a flourish and sits down.
Gibbs: Anyway, when a pirate gets ditched, he's left with a pistol and one shot. Which is useless, unless you want to shoot yourself, which obviously Jack didn't do. He plans to shoot his mutinous first mate Barbossa instead.
Will: So how did Jack get off that island?
Gibbs: I picked him up in my seaplane.
Will: What's a seaplane?
Gibbs: I have no idea. I just made that up, anyway. What really happened was, Jack went out and stood in the water until all kinds of creatures gathered around. Then he roped a couple of sea turtles and made a raft.
Will: Sea turtles?
Gibbs: Yep. Sea turtles.
Will: What did he use for rope?
Jack appears out of thin air.
Jack: Human hair. From my back.
Jack yells to the crew.
Jack: Let go of the anchor!
The crew lets go of the anchor, and it lands with a splash, rocking the ship and nearly tipping it over.
Jack: Will and I are going ashore.
Will: We are?
Jack: Surprise!
Gibbs: But what if the worst should happen?
Jack: You mean if we run out of rum?
Gibbs: No, I mean what if one of you dies?
Jack: You know the rules.
Gibbs: Gotcha.
Revised edition 2011!