Chapter Fourteen: Doubts and Fears

She felt terrible about hiding so much from her friends. Fili, of course, knew her history, but Thorin, Kili, Dis, Balin, Dwalin, and the others did not. For weeks she had been trying to pluck up the courage to find Thorin's office and tell him, but she worried that he, out of his hatred for the Elves, would forbid her to be friends with his nephews, or worse, banish her. Fili tried to tell her that his uncle would not do either of those things, but she couldn't believe that.

One night Kili knocked at her door.

"Hello, Lina!" He said. "How are you?"

"Same as always. What have you been doing lately?" She said, motioning him in and siting down in her armchair.

"Diplomacy lessons, a few meetings about the new town, and sleeping." He replied.

"New town?" Lina asked.

"Oh, yes, I forgot I hadn't told you. The miners found a cavern at least the sixe of the one here. They've been carving it out to make a new town. Since it's closer to the woods it's most likely that the woodcutters and most of the hunters will want to move up there, so we've been sending builders to work on outdoor houses and a wall to surround them for more proctection." He explained.

"How is everything coming along?"

"Very well. Last we heard they had built the outdoor part of the town, with an inn just in case it gets swamped with eager Dwarves trying to move in where there isn't any room." Kili replied. "Now, I've got the rest of the week off, my pony is restless, and I'm itching for a hunting trip. Join me?"

"When have I ever said no?" Lina said with a laugh. "Start tomorrow?"

"If you like." Kili said as a knock was heard at the door. "That will probably be Fili. Shall we prank him?'

'Not again! Last time it was jump-scaring poor Dis, the time before that it was fireworks in Thorin's pipe. Now what?'

Without waiting for a reply he fished some string out of his pocket and rigged a tripwire with lightning speed. He winked at Lina and opened the door.

"Good evening." Dwalin said.

Lina stood up and went over to greet him.

"Dwalin, it's good to see you! Do come in.' She said, slipping Kili her dagger behind her back.

Kili knelt down, pretending to fix his bootlace while cutting the string just in time. He almost slumped in relief.

"I wanted to talk to you about your job." Dwalin said.

"Of course! Do sit down." Lina said.

Once seated Dwalin began.

"You've been working for me for about two years now, and you're doing splendidly. We'll need more trainers for the new town. How would you feel about being in charge up there?"

Lina's eyes widened.

"Oh, Dwalin, I'm honored, but I really couldn't leave all my friends here, and I don't have a place to stay."

"That could be arranged if you wanted to take the job."

"Well, if you'd give me a few days to think it over, I'll tell you as soon as possible." Lina said.

'I couldn't leave Fili and Kili and everyone else, though, could I? It's too far away to come back and forth, so I'd have to live there. And I don't have any idea how to organize training!' She thought.

Dwalin nodded.

"Think all you need to, lass, it's not an emergency. I'll see you in a few days, them." He said, and Kili showed him to the door.

Kili felt a sense of dread. Would Lina leave him?

~Flashback~

"Dwarves can love several times in their lives, but the only true love is for your One. It's different, much stronger." His mother told him.

"So you'll know straight away?" Kili asked.

"No, not necessarily. Sometimes you can tell at once, sometimes it's months, possibly even years before you realize, but it will seem different all along." His mother replied.

"How do you know?"

"Well, I realized it the day your father went away to war. I saw him ride away, and there was a peculiar ache in my heart, like an emptiness. I was worried I'd never see him again, and I realized, just like that. I realized he was my One and that I'd never be whole without him. When he got back I told him. He said he had been pretty sure for a while, but that he hadn't wanted to pressure me."

"So it might take something a little drastic to make you realize? Like a separation, or your One getting hurt?" Kili asked.

"Yes, it could, or you could know when you first see them. I remember feeling a little spark inside when I held your father's hand, and occasionally I would have a dream about him." Dis said. "My mother said that she could hear your grandfather's thoughts when she was in danger."

~End Flashback~

Lina did seem different from the other girls he'd thought he loved, but he had thought that every time. This one's different, this one's different! He couldn't be sure.

"That was close! I'll thank you to keep your pranks to your own house!" Lina said.

Her arms were crossed and she looked very displeased, which made Kili feel guilty.

"I'm sorry. I never expected it to be Dwalin. But I have to find somewhere else to take up pranking; nobody will come to my house anymore, they always assume it's a trap."

"I'm not surprised. Can I have my dagger back now?" She asked.

He handed it to her, noting the Elvish runes on the blade. She quickly hid it in an inside pocket.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then, Lina." Kili said.

"Alright, if you're leaving already." Lina said, looking at the clock.

"I've got to get ready for tomorrow, my hunting gear has been shoved aside to make room for parchments and books.'' He said, somewhat truthfully.

"Ah, I see. Well, bright and early at the paddocks!" Lina said.

Kili nodded and left her cozy home for his own, still dreading her decision. Lina was torn between adventure and her friends.

'I warned you, Lina. Emotions are weaknesses. If you weren't so attached here you could leave, earn more money, and hunt down the Orc that killed your brother, but no, you'll stay here, won't you?' A voice inside her head told her.

She went to the one Dwarf she thought could help her; Balin. She couldn't talk to Fili, it involved him. Balin, on the other hand, could give her the advice she explained the situation to him and waited for his reply.

"Well, lass, the decision can only be made by you, of course, but I know you're looking for advice. What I say to you is this; follow your heart. You'd be missed here, certainly, but if your heart lies up north by all means go there."

"I don't think it does. Here I feel like...like I belong. That's never happened before in my life. Part of me wants to go adventuring and try out a new job in a new place, but most of me wants to stay here, where I have friends and a happy life already." Lina said.

"Well, lass, things may work out differently than expected. If you choose not to go, my brother will, leaving you in charge here." Balin said.

"Really?" Lina asked.

"Yes, he told me so." Balin said.

"That sounds like...oh, that's wonderful!" Lina exclaimed.

And so she felt light hearted when she and Kili rode away from the paddocks the next morning. Kili, on the other hand, was quiet, and looked as if he were dreading something.

"I thought this trip was to cheer you up, not the opposite." She said, drawing alongside him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing, I'm fine." Kili said.

"You are most definitely not fine. For Ilúvatar's sake, Kili, what is the matter?" Lina said.

'Uh-oh. No Dwarf in Arda would say 'for Ilúvatar's sake'. You might as well have said you were a Half-Elf, Lina.'

Kili didn't seem to have noticed, though.

"It..well, you..." He sighed. "You're going to leave, aren't you?"

He had been that upset about the possibility of her leaving?! She almost laughed at the thought that he cared so much, but also felt rather strange.

"No, Kili. I'm not going to leave. I'm going to stay right here.'' She said.

"You are?" Kili asked, finally looking at her.

"Yes." She said with a smile.

Kili smiled back.

"Race you!" He said, galloping away with Timberwolf.

"Will he never learn we always win, Thalion?" Lina laughed. "Noro lim, mellon!"

The trip was successful, and Kili's spirits had brightened considerably by the time they returned to the town. She and Kili left the spoils of their hunt in the kitchens, as usual, and parted ways.

"How about we meet in the training arena tomorrow and spar?" Kili suggested. "We haven't done that in a while."

"Yes, that sounds wonderful. Around dusk, do you think?" Lina replied.

"Alright, see you then!" Kili said with a grin.

Lina went up the familiar passageway to Balin's office.

"Ah, Lina! Good to see you. How was your hunt?" He asked.

"Good, I shot a deer and three rabbits. How have you been?" Lina replied.

"As usual, busy. Thorin as well.'' He replied.

"I haven't seen Thorin in a long while. I don't even know where is office is." Lina said.

'I hope this turns out right. I can't keep it a secret any longer. I just can't!'

"It's the door on the left just past Gloin's." Balin said, handing her a slip of parchment to give to Gloin.

"Oh, I see. Well, it's been a long day. I'll see you soon!" Lina said, rising to leave.

"Take care of yourself, lass." Balin said.

"I will." Lina replied with a smile.

She got her pay from Gloin and pocketed it, going over to the next door. She paused.

'I don't have to do this. But I do, for my conscience's sake. Just knock, Lina, and get this over with.'

Just as she steeled herself to knock she heard Thorin's angry voice, slightly muffled by the thick door, but clear.

"Damn the Elves! Where were they when the dragon attacked our home and burned our people to ash? Turning their backs, laughing at our plight! No, I will have no dealings with Thranduil." He spat the word, "Or any of his kin!"

Lina turned away. Thorin had unknowingly given her the answer she had feared. She would not be welcome here. She couldn't just go on with life and pretend nothing had happened, or that she was pure Dwarf.

She bit back tears as she decided on what to do. It hurt to think of doing it, especially given Kili's reaction to the thought of her leaving, but there was no alternative.

Uh-oh, cliffhanger. Mua ha ha! I felt so bad for Lina in this chapter. :(

Whew, Kili cut the string in time. The jump-scaring Dis comes from Weirdy McWeirderton's story Pranks of Durins. For your information, there will be more pranking in future chapters. :D

In response to this review:

Yeah I can't wait until chapter 19 then! Also what does BOFTA mean? Anyway looking forward to next update really appreciate it

BOTFA stands for Battle of the Five Armies. Hope you liked this chapter!

What color fancy gown do you think Lina would look best in? Also, does anyone have any ideas for a theme song for this story? I am thinking Heart of Fire by Bruhnuhville, found on YouTube, or Northwind, by the same artist, also on YouTube. Check them out and tell me what you think, or tell me your ideas!

Thoronsul Belegmegil