THREE
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Hinata
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The Tour
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011 Suna
'I am here to help you make an impression."
-Cinna
"Shinobi... for those who endure. We have endured enough."
-Gaara, Seventy Third Victor
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Sunagakure is the closest village to Konoha, merely half a day travel away through dense foliage and two hours later, a wasteland of a dry desert. For the second a time of her life, Hinata wishes that the technology is not so advanced that they do not even have the luxury to delay the inevitable. What is the point anyway? Sasuke would have scathingly remarked. But to her surprise, he seems more... anxious than she is.
Which is definitely saying something.
"What did you and the President talk about?" he bursts out the moment that they are left alone to her bunk. The sweltering heat is permeating even the cold air conditioning in the train. The less people in any room, the better. Hinata stares at the reflection on her bedside mirror, not recognizing herself. She glances back at him, brows cocked. The most desirable man in the whole world does not look as impeccable despite the same number of stylists fussing over him.
Sasuke looks gaunt, empty, tired.
Hinata thinks that Sasuke looks more human.
She flinches, perfect, scarred face contorting.
"Nothing." She is aware how apparent it is that she is lying through her teeth. Her fingers shake. Her eyes darting all round in search of something other than her omission to focus on. Sasuke dubiously stares on. "I mean, he came and congratulated me. Went around a tour in the new house... mansion. Asked me a couple of things about my... well-being."
The last words are delivered with some reluctance, a slight pause. Hinata recalls with a shudder that the President hardly sounded like he valued her comfort more than her silence and compliance, sitting on the swivel chair like he owned the place (which he does, she compromises) and talking about blood and war and how he is sure that Hinata would rather not bathe herself of carnage again.
Would you like to be in a real war?
He talked about the burnt husk of Uchiha Sasuke's home, about Kurenai's remaining relatives.
Sasuke sighs in exasperation. There is a barely suppressed anger in his obsidian eyes. "Hinata. You are forgetting one important thing. I am a victor too. A fucking victor."
Kurenai: "You can tell me, Hinata. Victors always understand one another."
"And if there is anything that I am certain of in this world, which is by the way not a lot, is that the President is too proud to do housecalls. You think that he would take a one day trip on a hovercraft just so he could meet you? He would meet you, one way or another. And the Victor Mansions are all made by the same architect. He hardly needs a damn tour."
Sasuke is losing his composure, a fortified wall of detachment that Hinata once thought is unhealthy for him. Many a time in the past she relished any smile and crack in his infallible facade, any sign that she is getting through the broken, young man. It takes herself being smashed to pieces for her to realize how much she appreciates the ability to feign like nothing matters anymore. For truth hurts those around you and faking a smile hurts yourself.
Separating yourself from reality is in a way like delaying the inevitable.
Pain is inevitable.
And once again, she was robbed off that luxury.
Hinata bites her lip.
"Did he think of you as a threat?" he asks. And there is panic in his tone.
The girl's silence is enough answer.
Sasuke holds his breath.
"He saw us kiss." She whispers and tears attempt to break out. Hinata bravely sets her reigns. "I do not know. One of the cameras must have been trained to spy on us. But i saw it. And he is not very happy."
"Did he think it as defiance because the whole world thinks you were supposed to be madly in love with Naruto?"
"No." She shakes her head, closes her eyes and lets the tears fall this time. Tears hurts those around you. Tears hurts Sasuke. "He thinks it is defiance because he said... implied that we have no right to be happy. That nobody should be that happy. We killed children, he said. We killed our own allies. We let them die. He said we are worse than scum."
The hypocrisy is overwhelming. Sasuke launches his fist towards the metal wall, beyond frustrated. "Fuck him!" he screams. Hinata winces. "Just damn him! Hinata! You do realize he is manipulating you, right?"
She did. Oh yes, she did. The vile man wants her to grovel over his feet, fear his authority, for her to worship the flames that he leaves in his destructive wake. The man wants her to continue playing the Juliet that is moving on because the Capitol saved her and not because of the Romeo who raised his middle finger up in the air in his last moments. The President wants her to justify and correct the mistake they made by letting her live.
But she killed children, younger than her. And she let Haru and Naruto die.
"But it is true." She murmurs, fidgeting with her comb. She runs her hand on her forehead, eyes closed in the brief flashes of memory where all she can see is blood and war and Haru's dimming eyes and Naruto's smile. No, the President is wrong. She would not see any more blood and war. There is no future tense. She sees them all the time. But the President is right too. She let them all die. She killed them. "It is true."
She thinks of the scripted Victory Speech that she herself helped write, thinks of the two tributes killed from Suna, thinks of blood and war and ignores Sasuke as he proposes to run away because she knows she cannot.
There is no going back.
A victor is not supposed to be happy.
When Sasuke's family home was set on fire, nobody came on time.
Hinata just does not want to attend another funeral pyre.
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012 Iwa
"Everybody likes an underdog."
-Seneca Crane
"Our will is stronger than stone but it breaks too. When we have enough. When it is too much. I mean, this Games is sure fucked up."
-Kurotsuchi, Seventy Second Victor
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She has killed the Iwa girl, watched as the life vanished from the fifteen-year old girl's eyes. She has watched again during the Interviews, during the recaps and as detached as possible reasoned that it is between either of them and that she did what she had to do. It is nowhere near the most important death in Hinata's decorated track record. Not like the Kumo girl's that made way for a resolution, or the one for revenge with the one from Dream. It is not Naruto's tragic death either. It is just two animals wrestling for survival, desperate to see the next morning. And the cannon boomed in her favour.
So though she has no reason to be, she is surprised by the hostility that welcomed her in the rocky lands of Hidden Stone where standing on a podium, the burly men and muscled woman stared at her with undisguised loathing as the hologram of the two fallen tributes blared beside her.
The Fallen.
She cringes. Oh, how she cringes visibly.
"Just keep calm." Kurenai mutters from beside her, touching the younger victor's shaking hand. She gently reminds her that this would not be the last time that she will witness this.
Kumo is next.
Iwa are the most ruthless of tributes, even more so than the better trained Kiri. Hinata recalls that one moment that she thought was the end of her when the girl loomed over with a sadistic smile and prepared to snuff the life out of her. She feared her then. She feared these people now. It was sheer luck that the adrenaline rush was best timed in her need for survival. The strength that pushed Hinata to turn the tables against the tribute was surprising. It was an exhilarating experience, something that blinded all reason and the next thing she knew, she had killed.
The corpse is all that she could remember from that encounter.
Hinata thinks she still dreams about it though.
It was human instinct, a struggle between life and death. She once traversed this precarious thin line and perhaps once one did, you never really escape, forever in a cliff between the living and Styx. But Hinata finds that she bears no guilt of this kill. She did what she had to do. She did what any human being would.
But that does not make looking at the girl's family easier.
She rubs her scar self-consciously. Sasuke glances worriedly at her. Nothing seems to be easy for her these days, she thinks bitterly. She has to be careful of what she says, how to act, who to kiss. She has to be careful not to get herself or everyone she loves burnt.
She thinks distantly of the flaming tree that she wore on the chariot ride, the first time Naruto held her hand. Naruto had told her in the caves about the story of Moses, about the man who parted the ocean and liberated a race of enslaved people. She is not sure whether she believes him anymore.
Victors have no right to be happy.
She learns that the Iwa girl's name is Hirono, once a smugly grinning teenager with dark hair and tan skin with muscles only built from years of breaking and sculpting stones. Her specialty had been arm to arm combat, scoring ten back in the prelims and she had five siblings: two girls and three boys. All of whom are younger than her. The father glares. The mother sobs. Hirono's hologram smirked for the last time. And Hinata speaks about glory and honor and how Hirono, had been a worthy opponent and how Iwa had been a formidable adversary.
That better luck next year.
It is designed as a taunt, each flaunting of victory cleverly organized for the villages to turn against each other. if one has two enemies, pit them against one another and you will be safe. The logic is as obvious as daylight but everyone has been dense as the ocean floor about it.
She also speaks about survival of the fittest, the oldest rule in time.
But she does not speak with guilt, does not stray from the well-made speech until the last moment as she watched all the five younger children burst into tears and she realizes that this could have been Hanabi if she had been weaker... no had more courage to just die at that time. She had been like this when Neji died. She would have been like this if it were Hanabi instead.
And she realizes that this is so wrong... so wrong!
She does not stop herself from saying. "I am not sorry that I killed her. She tried to kill me. I just... acted. I did what I have to do. But i am sure that she is in a better place now, somewhere she does not have to train for bloodbaths or mine gold the whole day. Somewhere where she can be happy. Somewhere we can all be happier than we are now."
The script does not talk about pleasant afterlife. The script does not talk about apologies.
The crown stands dumbstruck as the victor openly describes their slavery and misery in a few words. How death is a consolation. How fucked-up and depressing their world is if even a Hunger Games victor is forced to think like that.
They are just children.
"But sometimes, I am sorry that I am not the one who died instead."
The once angry crowd is moved by her sincere words.
This would not be the first time.
And so the silver-tongued victor is born.
The spark burns.
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013 Kumo
"I told her that I would try to win. That I would try to win for her."
-Katniss Everdeen
"Well that sounds horrible. Only one victor left. Well, at least that is twenty-three less lonely people in the world."
-Karui, Sixty Fifth Victor
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The girl from Dream was an orphan, if the fact that nobody stood under her image says something. It made things easier for Hinata who found out unpleasantly that it is best not to look at the bereaved in the eye when you harbour survivor's guilt. But then again unlike Iwa, Yumegakure actually looked apologetic as they welcomed this year's victor. With a wince, she was forced to speak about the old theorem of evolutionism once again. She was not allowed to refer to the killing as it really was: an act of vengeance.
Nobody was supposed to avenge anyone in the Hunger Games.
They were not even supposed to be allies.
But Kumo, as Kurenai had warned, is no better than Iwa had been the first time.
The implication that she was in fact, the real snake that ultimately killed the Kumo girl is subtle, not even officially publicized in the records except when Deidara inadvertently commented about it being clever the first time. But her blood is on her hands nevertheless, as obvious as when she choked the life out of the Iwa girl. Naruto knew. Everyone knows.
Sasuke knows.
But this time, he does not share her anxiety. "It does not matter. It is not like they could do anything to you with the number of peacekeepers stationed around the stage. It is natural for a victor to be hated. I mean, I have been there."
Victors understand each other.
Victors are not supposed to be happy.
But this kill, Hinata feels most uneasy about.
They were almost friends... or as cordial to each other as anyone in a survival game could be. She remembers belatedly that she did introduce herself as Noriko. For the longest time, Hinata has detached herself to the point of calling her as ambiguously as she could.
Kumo boy and Noriko had been lovers.
She supposes it should make sense.
They had a daughter too and this momentous information startles her more than the fact that she can already make sense for herself. The nine month-old baby is held by her grandmother, a teary-eyed, gray-haired woman that looked at Hinata with sadness in her eyes. The family of The Fallen is not allowed to speak, to even muster a eulogy to their dead. Only the Victor is granted such right. But deep inside , Hinata knew. Hinata knew that the baby before her is the offspring of her two once-allies, that she is the killer of her mother and that she let her father die.
A cold flame settles on her heart.
She lets it burn.
She speaks of good allies, camaraderie and yet again survival as what the script said. She speaks of lovers, of children and the confession that she is sorry, sorry, sorry and all of those that are no longer in the script. For the second time, she strays from the well-written propaganda and resorts to her extemporaneous feelings.
She looks at the child and feels the fire incinerate all doubts.
And so Hyuuga Hinata finds herself wanting to create a better world for the girl whose parents she had a hand in killing.
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014 Kiri
"Show them how good you are. They just want a good show. That's all they want. If they don't have a bow, then make one."
-Gale Hawthorne
"Dying is only pointless when you did not have anyone to live for before."
-Zabuza, the Monster of the Mist
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The Hidden Mist is isolated from all the rest of the other villages, a lonely but imposing island accessible only through Capitol-supervised boats. Nobody leaves the island unless for the Hunger Games. Haku once said that you have no hope in seeing the sun unless you are willing to kill people. Even so, he said smiling as he withered away, he was glad that he did.
In retrospect, Hinata realizes that the young boy was not referring to the manmade yellow round glow that they had for their artificial sky in the arena. Haku requested for her to sing and smile as she died. He said that she was bright and beautiful like the sun.
I finally have a reason to die.
The Mist is a depressing, gray, dingy place and Hinata is struck by the epiphany that this is worse than what Haku told her. And here she thought that the twelve-year old androgynous boy was merely exaggerating. The tower of their infamous Hunger Games Academy looms. Their mayor sits with dignity. But the crowd that grudgingly welcomed her are not the usual overworked citizens she has gotten used to seeing. There is something boiling in the surface, a bigger picture than just the resentment that bubbled because of her victory. Hinata looked past the visage of roughness and there she saw it.
Defiance.
She speaks of Haku as according to the script. Her gratefulness for his company. His worth as an ally. Survival yet again. Better luck next year. But she is biting her lower lip as she does so, wanting nothing more but to thank her friend for being there, for saving her, for making her realize that all is not lost.
And that somehow for some reason, she is worth dying for.
"Say what you want!" one man suddenly exclaims, vaulting angrily towards the stage. The Peacekeepers immediately gang up to restrain him. In face of futility, the man struggles. "Stop reading! That is not what you want to say!"
Defiance.
"Right!"
"Tell the truth!"
"Say it! Tell us what Haku told you!"
"Tell the whole world about our lives!"
And suddenly, the simmering dissatisfaction amongst the audience erupts to a full blown riot.
Defiance.
When Haku emerged as the person the Capitol least expected, he has defied them.
Defiance.
It seems like Kiri is not the most loyal village after all.
They are the strongest village, home to more than quarter of the Games' victors so far. Home of Zabuza who killed all the other tributes. Home of Mei who boiled her own district partner.
Victors are not supposed to be happy.
And it strikes her that Kirigakure is not as happy as the rest of the world thought they were.
Sasuke drags her away but the chaos outside rages on.
There is a shot of gunfire and Hinata screams.
Like many things in Hinata's life going forward, this would not be the last time.
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015 Capitol
"Why do we have a winner? I mean, if we just wanted to intimidate the districts, why not round up twenty four of them at random and execute them all at once? Hope. It is the only thing stronger than fear. A little hope is effective. A lot of hope is dangerous. A spark is fine as long as it is contained."
-President Snow
"Victors are not supposed to be happy."
-The President
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They look happy, contented, glowing all smiles as they dance and twirl around the dance stage. The Victors are the image of a success story, the product of Capitol's generosity. The party in honor of Hinata's own victory spared no expense, lavishly grand and majestic. She can barely recognize herself again. She wonders if after all this time, these victors feel the same.
They don a mask like no other did, choosing the fake sense of happiness over the comfortable safety of detachment. Victors are not supposed to be happy. Because even as they pretend to be so, they just end up destroying themselves.
She spies Sasuke dancing with a red-haired, bespectacled Capitol woman, a phony smirk painted on his face. They twist and turn and it looks perfect, the couple of the night. His one eye is trained towards her though and Hinata avoids his worried gaze.
She is instructed to stay on the sidelines, waiting for any Capitol man who would want to dance with her,
She dreads how this night will end.
She has been vacant for more than a minute now, the last nobleman scurrying away in haste after the third song. She thinks he is some kind of politician and is pretty sure he is married now to his third wife—some kind of a supermodel or another. Now free of their grubby hands even for a moment, Hinata allows herself a sigh of relief.
It is beyond Hinata how Sasuke survived this for so long.
She feels the president's eye on her, taking her apart like a prey to its predator. He drinks his wine. She gulps.
From the corner of her vision, something red flashes.
It is not blood, thankfully. But the surprise seizes her nevertheless. Emerald eyes hold hers in a cold, scrutinizing regard, observing her closely. She recognizes him immediately. That handsome face had been everywhere in the past year and she had personally seen him in the previous Victory Tour, as she stood below Neji's holo-pic. The winner of the previous year's Games. The one who survived when Neji did not.
Sabaku no Gaara.
He does not pretend to be charming, like he did during his own Games. Gaara had been as apathetic as he could be, no promise of winning at all and yet here he is. He stares at her in nonchalance, face stoic. But he sounds curious enough nevertheless. "This is your party. Why aren't you enjoying yourself?"
Do you? She wants to demand, feeling peeved. How can one enjoy something like this?
"I am just taking a breather." She says pleasantly, remembering her place. Involuntarily, she feels her face redden at the man's heavy stare. The man who was not supposed to survive a day in a frozen tundra and yet did.
She is aware that this man could kill her with his bare hands.
She feels like he wants too, somewhat.
"You caused quite a stir back there in the villages." He remarks, this time settling himself beside her. His voice is almost a whisper and she realizes that his mouth is dangerously close to her ear. From the corner of her eye, she notices some other Capitol man moving to approach her. But the sight of Gaara makes them falter and they thought twice.
The relief, somehow is incomparable.
"I am not aware that it is even broadcasted." She mentions, remembering from one of Kurenai's breakfast comments that the airing of the victory tour was postponed. It seemed like they have to do major editing.
"Victors know things." He replies, shrugging. "Victors know each other."
There is a glint in his eyes that she cannot comprehend but before she can think about it, Sasuke has already abandoned the redhead and is trudging right towards them.
He does not look pleased.
Gaara is unperturbed. "Sasuke."
"Gaara."
Hinata looks between the two seething man. This is awkward.
A camera flashes. She has not realized that all eyes are now trained to them. The tension is too heavy and she finds that she just want to shrink into oblivion right there and there.
The Capitol witnesses another potential love triangle and this would not be the last time.
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(TBC)
Beiieve it or not, this fanfic is still alive. As usual, I have been busy but things are looking up now. I am hoping that updates can be more frequent moving forward.
I have the mental image of the citizens raising their middle fingers as an act of rebellion (like in the novel and movies itself) but I realized how comically ridiculous that will be. This chapter is meant to be introspective so not much action. I hope you still like it though.
Thanks for reading and I am looking forward to see what you think. See ya soon.
And oh, Happy SasuHina month.