Author's note

I don't do this often enough so disclaimer alerts: everything belongs to TVD except some of the story line and some of the characters.

Yaay now that I have that out of the way, so for this chapter I told you guys that I'd give you song veto power and people really pulled through. The song I went with was Home by Rhodes. This song suggestion was brought to you by VastraJ So thank you so much. A lot of the song help inspire this chapter, so I'm happy I hope you're happy.

Thank you for all your feedback, I like hearing everything you guys have to say:)

So without further ado…I give you chapter 14…

Chapter 14,

Losing my reflection in the water
Chasing my complection in the time
Keeping all my secrets in the cold cold wind
I can hear you calling in the night

Home, keep hold of my heart
When I try to run away

-Rhodes

Dear Elena,

Today was a bad day…

After MJ performed the spell, I could feel her magic surrounding us. Remember when I told you when I could feel or rather sense when there was magic around me. Well now it feels amplified, almost like I could feel every inch of her power only because I felt disconnected to mine.

"There," MJ said taking money from Enzo, "One massive cloak spell…you're welcome…I need some of your blood…this will also ensure that only two can see it." She takes a knife and small bowl out of her bag before stuffing the roll of money in her bag, "I need another favor Mr. Macho."

"What now?" Enzo huffs in frustration.

"Don't 'what now' me?" She mocked his English accent causing me to smile, "I want you to write a letter to my foster parents saying that I was on a school trip and they shouldn't worry."

"You're the definition of delinquent, you know that?" Enzo sighed and shook his head, "it's done."

"Great stuff." She smiled, "Now hands." Enzo held his hand out and I watched as she just pricked the middle as hard as she could.

"Easy," Enzo smirks at me, "I've had this hand chopped off before." I just give him a small smile, trying to avoid any more eye contact. Enzo's blood drips quickly into the boil and then heals rapidly.

"I feel bad that I wasn't the one to do it." MJ says and walks over to me, "Ready college girl."

Enzo chortles when MJ calls me that. I just grimace at Enzo's blood in the bowl and on the knife. It's been a while since I had to endure something like this. I mean I generally had to be the one to do this to someone, locator spell and all. That just serves to remind me why I have to do this.

I sigh and hold hand out. She places the blade and my palm. I close my palm around the blade and watch as put the bowl under my palm and then pulls the blade. As the blood pours out the pain actually kicks in. What a bitch… the pain not MJ. Though as she takes my blood she looks at me with a skeptical look on her face.

"What did you say your name is?"

"She didn't." Enzo says and comes in between MJ and I, "Don't you have a spell to do?'

MJ glared at me and walks outside slamming the door behind her. Enzo turns to look at me.

"Does she know?" I get straight into my sudden indifference attitude towards him.

"Know what?" He says, "That I killed her irrational great grandmother that casted a spell on me...I'm sorry I failed to realize or comprehend the importance of that information when she was trying to protect you." Enzo says, "Besides, I don't even think she would care. She gets by just fine."

"Gets by?" I look at him with wide eyes, "I'm looking at that girls' life Enzo and all I'm seeing is a witch doing a bunch of spells for you for money."

"Well it's not only me!" Enzo says rolling his eyes.

"That's not the point!" I say to him. I grit my teeth because he isn't taking me seriously, "If anything it makes it worse…she's using her magic like a tool."

"Why do you even care!" He says, his voice rising a little, "You don't even know her."

"I don't have to know her to know that vampires like yourself are taking advantage of good innocent girls like her!"

"Bonnie?" Enzo says closing his eyes in frustration, "She wants to do this!"

"She doesn't know any better," I start to shout, "And you know what, I thought you would understand but you don't."

"Why would I understand, I'm a vampire…she's just a witch!" He says out loud. At that, whatever smart comment I had before was all gone and my anger was now just suppressed by hurt. If he saw witches like that, I didn't even want to know how he saw me.

I just look down and turn away from him, "Bonnie wait…I didn't mean it like that."

"I know exactly how you meant it." I say and walk towards my room as the door opens and MJ sticks her head in.

"Yo, I'm out. I've got to catch a sex thirty bus." She says.

"Don't bother," Enzo says grabbing his jacket and keys, "I'll drive you."

"Awesome," MJ smiles, "Then you can compel my teachers to tell my foster parents that I'm not failing." She walks out and I hear her get in the car. Enzo walks to the door and turns to look at me. I see sympathy and sorrow but then again, I'm just a witch so what do I know. I turn on my heel and walk into my room slamming my door behind me. When I am sure I hear him leave I just burst into tears and I didn't know why.

That was about two weeks ago…

And he hasn't returned since…

And today…

Was not any better.

Simply because it was the 8 December…

It was Gram's birthday…

I woke up this morning telling myself I was going to write to you because I was sure I would feel better…I was doubtful yet also hopeful. Between today and the last two weeks the loneliness has had me flooded for a while. I have been feeling a slow creep of cracking coming for a while but I've told myself that I need to keep it together, if not just keep myself busy.

So to keep me "comfortable"…I've decided to do everything comfort style like I did….like I did when Grams died. Eat junk food, watch a rerun of Gilmore Girls and my favorite part. Wear the Bonnie-Don't-Cry-sweatpants. I used wore these from the day I grieved from the day Grams died to the day I returned back to home...home? Home...where exactly is that? I mean for the last couple of years, I've been silently question that concept. My home was with Grams and as far as I am concerned...that home died when she did.

I would have considered your old house like home before you kind of set in on fire. Sorry that's a cringe moment isn't it? Should I consider the Salvatore Mansion home? That could and would never happen. That place just directs me to the person who should've been there for me, but he wasn't. Hopefully you have better luck with him. I really hope you do. So where is my home? At this rate this place, this cabin was serving as more of a home than I could've ever imagined. Even when it brings me down

It's been awhile since I have spoken to Caroline but she does keep sending me pictures of the girls. They were getting closer to the 12 month mark now. I could just imagine that their first Christmas is going to be perfect and with mom like Caroline, over the top. On this day, as gift to Grams do you remember what the three of us used to do? We would go over once she had some local teenage boys bring over her tree and decorate it. She used to say to us , "This the best gift you could give an old girl like myself." And we would spend hours giggling.

I walk to the living room and attempt to light a fire. It's still a bit…ok a lot disastrous but I guess it will have to do. I sit down at the couch and look at the small flame that is providing little to none heat. I felt cold, but I wasn't sure if it was because of the lack of fire or due to the loneliness. All I know is that I felt cold and alone and…hurt.

I looked at the Guitar and realized how much Grams loved music. I grabbed it from the stand and tried to position it properly nut it felt uncomfortable. Though I didn't care. I started trying to strum happy birthday to you but as I did that, floods of memory came in about her.

Memories from childhood like the time she held my hand as I walked into first grade for the first time, "Now you march in there a let everyone know whose grams fierce little girl is." I remember hugging her tightly before running in. For the longest time, every time she dropped me of she would say that. I would always believe that no one could be as fierce as me.

Then there were times in my high school life where she would just know what to say. Like when I wanted to be a cheerleader so badly that it was eating me inside. She would say something like, "Bonnie Bennett…if you tell yourself that you are already a cheerleader. It will come true."

And then there were the times in my life where vampires became a reality "Well looks who's returned from battle!" She had said to me as Stephan dropped me off. Pulling me into a long and reassuring hug. That hug made me feel like she would always be there for me, that she was going nowhere…that I would never ever be alone.

My strumming was off but I didn't care, I continued to play and hum and hope that where she was…she could hear me. I wanted her to hear me, I wanted someone to hear me. And then…

…the cracking point.

I dropped the guitar on the floor and I followed. I couldn't keep it in Elena. I just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed…and it didn't end. There was no one. It was endless pit of hurt and hate and I couldn't get it all out. It was as if the more I thought all the crying was out, more came. I knew exactly what I needed to get better…to feel better. I needed….

Him.

Since he was my only source of companionship or even just human interaction.

I lay on the floor curled up in a ball and crying, cold and in so much pain. But my hears just ringed from the sound of my own choking and crying. So much so that I didn't realize my body warm up. I didn't realize my sobs subside. I didn't realize that someone was holding me rubbing my back. I just felt myself sobbing into warmness and it was comfortable.

I was sobbing into him…

B