Chapter 14

The Calm in the Storm

A Scott POV

My mind was racing as Shelby and I ran the distance to the dorm area of the campus. The cold rain pelted us in the face as lightening streaked across the sky. Much like the storm, I had a turbulent of emotions crashing through my mind. The kiss with Shelby was more than I expected; what had resulted from impulse and rejection was in fact something quite different.

Quickly we got to the dorm and opened the door, racing inside, tom get out of the driving rain. Cold and wet, we removed as much clothing as we dared while avoiding eye contact with each other. Awkwardness replaced the lust and control I wanted just minutes earlier with Shelby, shyness between us kept Shelby and I from entering the sleeping area of the dorm. The emotions and inept feelings threat to overwhelm me, my mind telling me it's just Shelby and she clearly wants me yet, I'm afraid.

"Which bed is yours?" Shelby asks, breaking the thick silence between us.

I indicate to the left and barely find the voice to say, "Number four."

Shelby nods my direction but avoids eye contact with me; neither of us moves toward the bed. Looking down, noting mentally, the tension rising in the room as each of us consider the course of our actions. Pulling my arms in close to ward off the chill I feel, Shelby, finally breaks the silence again "Guess we could kick it over there."

"I guess," I replied flatly, noting Shelby rustle her hair in an effort to dry it a bit.

We slowly walked to the bed; my heart was racing and my palms moist. Up until this moment, I have never been in this situation. Sure, I'd had sex with Elaine but I didn't instigate that, Elaine had, now for the first time I was making the choice and I was scare. Of course, I had dated girls and kissed a few of them even Juliette, but this was different, unlike the others, I knew without a doubt Shelby would have sex with me just like Elaine. This time I would want it as well if only to prove I was in control.

I sat on the bed while Shelby placed the lantern on the nightstand and walked to where I kept personal items. "Who's this?" She asked, still shivering slightly as she sat next to me on the bed.

"My Dad," I responded as I stared at the photo remembering happier times. So much had changed in my life over the last year and not for the better.

"You guys look alike," Shelby added with a nervous smile on her face that gave me a strange calm yet her statement sadden me because once my Dad and I were alike, enjoying the same things then Elaine came into our home and everything changed.

I stared at the photo in a daydream when Shelby spoke, "Um, you can kiss me."

Looking at her, a smile on her face that wasn't seductive but almost innocent, I hesitated for a moment, licked my lips and leaned into her, lightly kissed her, then pulling away afraid to make eye contact. Never had I been so apprehensive in kissing a girl but for some reason I was with Shelby.

Smiling Shelby encouraged "You can kiss me more than once."

I still couldn't gaze at her but instead leaned in, meeting her lips in what I thought would be another light kiss turn in to a passion and desire that needed satisfying. Shelby ran her finger through my hair at the nape and the kiss deepens.

"Scotty," I hear the voice of Elaine in my head, breaking the kiss, glance up seeing her standing there in a dark blue negligee outside the window. Glaring down, away from Shelby, fighting the demon within that threatens to consume me as it had so many times before. The turmoil wags as I unconsciously say "No." Hoping the simple word would be enough to beat the demon back into hiding.

"What?" Shelby said with a confused expression on her face.

Leaning in I passionately kiss her again wanting desperately for Elaine to leave me alone, hoping a kiss will save me as it does in many fairy tales. Happily ever after doesn't happen, Elaine rushes full force into my mind consuming me, branding me as hers and no one else's. Breaking the kiss, I move away from Shelby, lean over and run my hands through my hair. Staring distantly to a place far from Horizon where my nightmare lived out in my day to day life. Taking a deep breath, I try desperately to gain some control.

"Earth to Scott," Shelby said, but her voice was so distant to me, like it was coming from a far off place I couldn't reach.

"Scotty…" I hear Elaine again as she stands in the dorm room desiring what I didn't want to give her.

"Get out," Breathing the words out unaware of Shelby's presence in the room.

Shelby gets up, a confused and frightened look on her face, yet I really don't see her for all I see is Elaine and hear her as she tortures my mind. "You don't mean it," she states.

"Get out of hear…get out of my head!" I yell as panic overwhelms me and once again, I am the prey in Elaine's conquest. Emotions spill over and tears well in my eyes, as there is not place to hide. Crossing my hands in front of my face, for the first time, I truly see Shelby and the vision of Elaine disappears. Like a frighten angel, my lifeline turns, grabs her coat and heads for the door.

"Shelby…Shelby…Shelby, please don't go," I run after her needing her not for sex but understanding. I am at the end of my rope and Shelby is my only hope for a knot so I can hang on.

"Scott, you're scaring me," Shelby states as she makes eye contact with me.

"She in my head…I can't get her out," I plead for help, hoping Shelby is the lifeline that will keep me from drowning.

"Who?" Shelby shot back.

"Don't go Shelb…I'm scare too." My tears threatening to spill down my face yet I don't care that Shelby sees them. Something inside tells me she will understand. She looks at me wanting to respond but says nothing, instead she touches my face and draws me into a hug and I cry.

Gradually we make are way back to the bed after I gain some composure. No words are spoken, Shelby gives me the room to gather my thoughts before asking, "Who can't you get out of your mind, Scott?"

"My step mother Elaine," I whisper while wiping my eyes, standing now between the bed and the nightstand, leaning against the window. The coolness of the glass feels good on my face, soothing it from the tears that stained it moments earlier.

"What happened with your step mother, Scott?" asked Shelby, who I know was trying to draw me out.

"She would come into my bedroom…saying she was scared and stuff," Staring at the wall on the other side of the room, afraid to look Shelby's direction.

"How long had she been your step mom?" Shelby asks quietly, wrapped in my comforter while sitting on the bed.

"A year," I reply as though it's someone else speaking.

"And when was like…the first time?" Shelby continues, looking at me with sympathy and compassion.

"A month, maybe two months after she moved in," I answer, still avoiding eye contact with Shelby.

"Don't get mad…cause this is gonna sound really bad…I kinda thought guys always wanted it." Shelby added, scared she could hurt me with her words.

"Me too," Still staring at nothing and leaning even closer into the window frame.

"I thought this stuff only happened to girls," The words falling out of her mouth as she looks way.

"Which makes me even more a freak," stating what I've been thinking for a long time but never expressed aloud.

"You're not a freak, Scott. Elaine's the freak. This is what I hate. This jacked up thing happens to you, and you think it's your fault. Shelby shot back, pissed not a Scott but at Elaine.

"But I never stopped her," Feeling somehow I had to be responsible for what occurred with Elaine. I am a guy and I should have stopped her but didn't. I must have wanted it or it wouldn't have happened.

"But you tried," Shelby fired back.

"But I..I still…you know," hoping Shelby would somehow know where I was coming from and understand.

"Maybe because it felt good," Shelby slowly said in a quiet tone as she let the comforter fall from her shoulders.

Getting up Shelby walks over to me, standing close she asks, "Is she pretty?"

"She makes me sick," just thinking about Elaine makes me what to throw up.

"I know now, but think back to when you first met her. When your Dad first brought her home. Was she pretty?" Putting her hair behind her ears, as she counseled me in a direction I never thought to go.

"I guess."

"So maybe that's why you flipped out. You feel like you fantasizing about her and stuff makes you guilty. It doesn't Scott. It doesn't make you guilty."

"But she's my Dad's wife…He loves her," trying to justify my guilt to Shelby.

"She's the one playing mind games and lying and making threats. She's the one who should be carted off…to some psycho ward….Are you going to tell these guys here?" Shelby asks, hoping she was beginning to get through to Scott that he wasn't to blame.

Finally, I turn and look at Shelby, "I don't know." In her eye is compassion and understanding, two things I need most now, at this moment.

"If you do they would have to report it," states Shelby.

"My Dad?" I question, for that's the last person I want to know about my relationship with Elaine.

"Everyone, your dad, the cops. It's the law of the school or something. It happened to another girl who was here. She told in group that her Dad was abusing her and they had to report it." Shelby informed Scott.

"What happened?" Looking at Shelby for the answer.

"He came and took her home," the sadness evident in Shelby's voice.

I glance at Shelby then away, pondering the repercussions of anyone else knowing what had happened to me. Slowly I pulled away from the window, reaching for Shelby's hand I take it and for the first time in what seems forever I feel safe. Her fingers knit between mine and we walk to the door taking our raincoat and only breaking contact long enough to put them on. It didn't matter that the rain was still coming down, I had an angel, my lifeline with me and I feel strong.

Slipping into the lodge unnoticed we put our sleep bags close, climbing in and covering up. Insecurity washes over me and I ask, "You won't tell, will you?"

"No, I won't tell," making eye contact, assuring me of the truth in her words.

"Thanks." Rolling over onto my stomach, feeling Shelby's hand touch mine, taking it and clasping it tight, secure if only for now. I'm sure on this night that I am safe from the demon within….

TBC…