Pein slowly blinked his eyes open, silently reaching across the bed to wake up Konan. To his surprise, he felt nothing but an empty space next to him. He opened his eyes and sat up, trying to find his girlfriend. His search didn't take long.
Konan was currently standing in front of her dresser, back turned to Pein. The woman appeared to be looking down at something. "Konan, what's wrong?" Pein asked.
"My…chocolate's…gone…" she slowly hissed, turning around to give Pein a look of death.
The auburn-haired man let the words sink in, before his eyes slowly traveled to the calendar he had hanging up by his door. It was the third week of the month. Shit.
-m-
Pein quickly scrambled up the stairs that led to the attic. "Sasori, Deida-" the leader froze as he caught sight of the two teens cuddling, Sasori giving Deidara gentle kisses now and then. "AHEM!"
The artists finally seemed to notice Pein, and they paused long enough to see what the older teen wanted. "Yeah Pein?" Sasori asked.
"Emergency meeting in the living room in five minutes. I suggest you bring weapons," Pein stated before disappearing back down the stairs.
Deidara and Sasori stared at the spot Pein had been in for a few moments before they finally began to speak. "Danna?"
"Yes Dei?"
"What do you think that was about, un? And why do we need weapons?"
"I don't know, Deidara. And I think it may be better that way."
-m-
Pein walked into the living room, looking over all the teens that were currently residing in his house. "Is everyone here?" he asked.
"Now we are, dumbass," Hidan said, brushing past the teen to flop down on the couch next to Kakuzu.
"How did you get in?!"
"The door, asshole."
"Zetsu, I told you to change the locks!" Pein snapped.
"I did. So don't pin this on me."
"Like some Jashin-damned lock will keep me out of your fucking house," Hidan growled, snuggling into Kakuzu's side.
"Whatever. It's just as well that you're here, Hidan," Pein went on, "because it might save us from murder charges later."
"Huh?" the zealot asked.
"Do you guys notice anyone missing from here?" Pein asked calmly.
Everyone looked around to try and find the odd one out. "It's Konan," Itachi finally said.
"Right, and there's a reason for that. I have no one but myself to blame; I should have made sure that she still and chocolate and…"supplies". But there's nothing I can do about that now. You see," he continued, noticing the confused looks on everyone's faces, "Konan is…PMS-ing."
A hush fell over the group. "Sempai, what's PMS-ing?"
Before Deidara even had a chance to answer the question, Zetsu jumped to his feet and grabbed Tobi, dragging him out of the room. "Come on Tobi. We're barricading ourselves in the basement." The group watched as the two teens disappeared from sight, before turning their attention back to Pein.
"What the hell's the big deal?" Hidan asked.
"Hidan, do you remember the major fire the city had last year, followed by several burglaries in sweet shops and the three dozen people that ended up in the hospital?" Pein asked.
"…Yeah," the masochist answer nervously.
"THAT was what happened last time Konan was PMS-ing and didn't have any chocolate or supplies on hand." The group visibly became terrified. This was serious. "Now, the last thing we need are criminal charges against us-"
"AGAIN," Zetsu called out over his hammering, before returning to sealing his door shut.
"So, I'm going to go out and get the needed supplies. You people are in charge of making sure Konan doesn't leave the house. Understand?"
"Why us?!" Kisame demanded.
"Consider it paying your rent," Pein answered, walking out the door and locking it behind him.
-hours later-
"Konan, calm down," Kakuzu ordered, slowly backing away from the woman.
"Grrrrr….someone here ate all my chocolate," she spat out, glaring at the group around her. "And when I find out who it was…I'll kill them!"
"It was me!" Hidan cried. Everyone turned to stare at the zealot in shock, wondering what had brought on this suicidal idea. He mouthed the words, "Run, dumbasses," before taking off down the hall, Konan on his heels.
He managed to make it to the broom closet and pulled out a broom, holding it in front of himself in a fighting stance. "Back, you bitch from Hades!"
"HISSSSSSSSSSS!"
CRACK
Hidan stared down at the portion of the broomstick he still held in his hand, eyes slowly traveling to the point where Konan had severed it. The woman was holding the stick in her hands, a sadistic smirk crossing her face. "What was that, Hidan? First you still my chocolate, then you call me a bitch? You fucking little cunt-"
"Konan, I-I can-"
"DIE!" she screamed, lunging at the doomed Jashinist.
-m-
Pein was ringing up his purchases at the supermarket, trying not to look at the cashier as she rang up Konan's "supplies"."Sign your boyfriend is whipped #3; he buys your monthly items." He quickly paid for the items and practically ran out of the store, wondering how the guys back home were doing.
-m-
The guys had overturned the table in the dining room to create a makeshift shield, all of them trying to avoid the objects Konan was hurling at them. "COME OUT HERE AND FIGHT LIKE MEN, YOU BASTARDS!" she screamed, hurling the remote at an arm Kisame hadn't been able to adequately shield.
Several loud crashes and bangs were heard as Deidara dove behind the table, having narrowly escaped the kitchen. "Brat, what were you thinking?!" Sasori demanded, pulling Deidara to his chest in a relieved hug.
"I was grabbing these, un," Deidara explained, holding up several pots and pans for everyone to see."We need helmets, and these are the best I could do, un."
"Good idea," Kisame said, grabbing a pot and quickly putting it on his head.
"There's no way your going to catch me-" Itachi's complaint was cut short as a stapler came flying through the air, nailing him in the side of the head and sending him straight to the ground. "On second thought, gimme."
"How's Hidan?" Deidara asked worriedly.
"Not much better," Kakuzu replied, still trying to doctor the Jashinist.
"Oh damn…Kuzu, I can't feel my legs…"
"DAMN YOU ALL!" Konan yelled as a microwave came flying through the air, crashing on the wall behind them.
"When did she move into the kitchen?!" Kisame demanded.
"I don't know, but be careful," Itachi commanded, straightening the pot on his head. "If she's in there, it's only a matter of time before she gets to the knives." Sure enough, a steak knife flew through the air moments later, embedding itself in the wall an inch from Kisame's head.
"Danna?" Deidara whispered, clinging to Sasori and shaking.
"Yeah?"
"I'm scared, un."
"Me too, Dei. Me too."
-m-
Pein walked into the house, ducking as a plate came flying towards him, aimed directly at his head. "Where the hell have you been?!" Konan hissed, holding up a bag of frozen meat.
"The market," Pein said softly, keeping eye contact with his girlfriend as he reached into his bag. "Look Konan, I brought you chocolate ice cream."
"Chocolate? Ice cream?" Konan repeated, dropping her weapon.
"That's right," Pein whispered, stepping closer to the unstable female. "And I brought you these, too," he said, holding out her "supplies".
"You knew I was out," she said, smiling.
"Uh-huh. Now, I'm going to let you go and eat your ice cream; you copy of "The Breakfast Club" is on top of the TV. Ok?"
Konan glomped him, bursting into tears. "You're such a good boyfriend!" she declared.
"Shh, go watch your movie," he softly ordered, letting her walk away. He proceeded to head further into the house, finally stopping in the dining room. "It's safe to come out now," he said.
Slowly, six heads poked out from behind the table, watching Pein warily. "Is she gone?" Sasori asked.
"Yup. She'll be watching old movies for the next few hours," Pein explained, walking behind the shield and handing the teens several first aid kits. "I thought you might needs these-dear Lord, what happened to Hidan?!"
"He told Konan he stole her chocolate," Kisame explained, looking at the black and blue Jashinist with true pity in his eyes.
"You poor soul," Pein muttered, moving to help Kakuzu doctor the zealot.
-m-
"Zetsu?"
"Yes Tobi?"
"Is I safe to go out yet?"
"I don't know, Tobi. We're better off just staying here. That bitch can be scary sometimes…"
"Ok Zetsu!"