"Fear consumes everything in its path. The body, the mind, and even the soul. But only if we let it"
- TDW

Chapter 12: Repeat

The next day began normally. Whatever could be called normal anyway. Gin came in to the office as usual and then began to work at he desk, writing on the numerous papers sitting in front of him in the ominous 'in' pile and slowly going through them all. He watched Kira walk in nervously. Not once looking up at him. He was still shaking a little, and he did not want for Izuru to see his vulnerability. Even his breath was trembling. For one doesn't get sexually abused the night before and is physically and mentally stable the next morning. It just doesn't work like that. His muscles were tense and his back was sore. In fact, every part of him was sore. From all of the bruises and cuts from previous occasions were sore. And the pain was always worse after the abuse, even the wounds that were healing, because he had been beaten, raped and hurt so many times now. Gin had lost count of how many. How many times, the number of wounds on his body he had. The numbers did not matter, what mattered was that they were there, and that he had to hide them from the outside world.

There was an open wound on his forehead, from where he had hit his head when he finally collapsed after his fingers managed to relax from holding on so rigidly to the desk and he fell and his head. It was only partially covered by his hair falling over it, but apparently not covered enough because Kira noticed, and he saw it. not that a head wound could be easily disguised.

"Oh my god, Taichou, you're bleeding." Kira said, his voice trambling as his concern grew. "You should really get that wound seen to."

Gin stopped, suddenly, realizing the implications of that, and how the pain would worsen in the future if he had it examined. For if he did heal it, Aizen would know. And he would be angry. Very angry. And Gin did not like him when he was angry. It just meant that he got hurt.

"No. No, just no… I can't."

He looked at Kira, hoping that he would understand and back off, but Kira being Kira, he wanted to help.

"Then why don't you let me take a look at it?"

"No," Gin pleaded, his voice really starting to shake now. "No, its fine Izuru-kun… just leave it."

"But I can heal it for you."

"N- no, please…"

Inside he really wanted Kira to back away. He really wanted to be left alone. He just didn't want to be touched, or get in trouble with Aizen. He just wanted things to carry on like normal. He just wanted it all to go away.

"Please Kira, please to god Kira, just leave it… it will be better if you leave it… please don't, I don't want this. Please just leave me. Please…"

Kira moved the hair out of his eyes to get a closer look at his wound, and determine how nasty it was. Gin had looked at himself in the mirror and seen how bad it was, so he couldn't blame Izuru for being concerned, but he just didn't want anybody to interfere with it. Gin's breath grew heavier and heavier and panic started to settle in as Kira touched his face to see the wound. Gin would have turned his head away but he couldn't move; he was feeling that fear again, that fear of Aizen and what he could do to him. He could barely breathe.

"Here, just let me have a look at it. I can make it better."

The panic grew and escalated into fear, and that fear into pure terror. And it did so very quickly. Gin's red eyes wildly darted around the room in search of escape as Kira tried to get closer. He tried to gently push him away through the panic and decline Izuru's offer, but it didn't work. kira was insistent on helping him; giving him help he did not need or want.

"No, please Izuru, I'm fine."

"But, Taichou…"

"No, please… d- don't touch me…"

"But I need to fix it… hold still."

Gin's eyes shot open as he heard those words. He could just hear Aizen's voice again, feel his hands hold him down and grip his wrists. Leaving Gin powerless. Powerless to run, powerless to fight, powerless to even scream.

"Nn- no… don't… s- stop, please."

Gin wasn't liking this. His breaths were short and he was panting harshly, trying to breathe through the fear condensing all around him. Consuming him with memories of pain and hurt and abuse.

"Pl- please don't. don't touch me…"

"But Taichou, I need to take a look at it."

Gin didn't hear him. He could only hear that dark voice telling him to be still and keep quiet. See those uncaring eyes so empty and hollow looking down upon him. And he was afraid. He was just so damn afraid.

He could feel a pair of hands touch him, against his chest. Touching when they shouldn't be. And it was fight or flight. Gin couldn't move, he couldn't breathe, and those hands just couldn't touch him again when it felt so wrong.

"I told you not to fucking touch me!"

Gin screamed, finally being able to breathe again, sweating and filled with fear, his shaking hand now throbbing as he regained his senses one by one. His rationality returning to him last of all when he realised that he had hit Kira, hard.

Slapped him across the face. So hard that Izuru's head had been forced to turn to the side.
Everything went silent, and Gin's breath remained harsh. He had slapped Kira and he was just standing there, wide eyed. Gin got up, quickly drawing his blade and putting against Kira's throat, pinning him to the floor only a few seconds later. Gin wasn't going to be touched that way by anybody ever again.

His hand caught Kira's face yet again as Gin glared down at him, infuriated.

"Don't you…ever, ever, ever touch me!" Gin snarled, his thoughts only of inflicting pain as he struck Kira repeatedly, screaming as he beat him. He wasn't going to be the victim again. He wasn't going to be used like this. He was a human being. Huans didn't do this to each other. He snarled and growled through gritted teeth, not caring at all for the feeling of the boy, he only thought of pain, and of hurt. Feeling it and causing it. The nothingness of it all, making Izuru bleed.

And that was when Gin saw red. That was the first time Ichimaru Gin saw red.

Another time, another blow, another hit to the ribs. He dug in his fingers and drew blood, not watching it trickle down for more than a second as he inflicted more and more pain, becoming deaf to the screams of pain and the pleas of protest, begging him to stop. The boy struggled and whimpered, but it did not work, Gin just hurt another area of him, his back, his legs, his arms. He just hit Kira again, and again, and again. Not seeing the tears as he caused a black eye with another smack. Not really knowing where all of this energy was coming from, for so much of it was going into each smack, each blow.

And it continued. It continued until Gin was completely out of energy. He could only stop himself when he was completely, emotionally and physically, out of energy. Only after he was empty of all anger, could he finally stop hurting.

He was panting heavily, with Shinsou lying on the floor somewhere next to him. Kneeling next to Kira now, who was battered and covered in his own blood, just looking dumbfounded at him. Shocked, no doubt.

"Ta- taichou?"

Gin snapped his head up to look at Izuru. His head jerking to the side as he just glared hatefully at him through his exhaustion. Wondering how on earth Izuru would even dare to touch him.

"How dare he touch me." He thought angrily, his anger turning to hate as he continued to look at the beaten Izuru crawling to his feet, silently watching him stand up again, and still looking at him with those wide eyes. "The nerve of him, even after that."

Gin took one last quick deep breath, as he looked at the freshly beaten Izuru, snarling quietly at him.

"Don't you ever… touch me again."

He did not see Izuru run out of the room, crying.