Bewitched

Chapter 13

I went home to change into my nightclothes. They would be a lot easier to maneuver in than the dress I was wearing, which I could barely move in as it is. When I got in, though, I was surprised to see that everyone was still up. I walked into the family room, where Andy and the boys were sitting around the fireplace.

They looked up when I walked in. Andy breathed a sigh of relief and came over to me and hugged me. I was...well, I was rather surprised. That he hugged me, that is. I cannot really remember the last time that happened. But I felt myself reply to the hug anyway. It was not at all uncomfortable, like I always assumed it would be.

Andy pulled away a few seconds later, only to grip my shoulders and shake me a few times. This I was surprised at. Why on earth was he shaking me like that?

"Susannah, where have you been?" he asked in a worried voice. "You really should not be out at this time, considering the accusations going around."

I looked up into those worried eyes of his and nodded. "I...I am sorry. I was...with a friend."

I was not really sure if there was any hope in me going out after this. I wanted so desperately to save my mother, to let her free, but I could not just run out of the house with no warning to my new family. I knew they cared for me and I could not take that for granted.

Andy sighed and let go of my shoulders. "It is alright, Susannah. I was just worried. I do not want the same thing that happened to your mother to happen to you."

I gulped and nodded, not quite able to meet his eyes. That is when I felt the gaze of someone else on me. I turned around and looked at my three step-brothers behind me, who were looking on quietly. Brad seemed uninterested in what was going on, but he still remained quiet. Jake and David were looking at me with concern on their faces.

I did not really hit me until then how lucky I am to have a family that cares for me, one that wants nothing but the best for me. I felt the tears gathering at the back of my eyes, but I could not stop them from flowing over my eyelids, no matter how much I wanted to.

"Susannah."

I turned back around and looked into the face of my step-father; the man who took me in under his wing when he could have refused to do so.

"There is something you should know, child," he said in a whisper. There was something in his voice that I could not quite detect. It was either happiness or...sorrow. It is funny how there is such a fine line between those two, just like love and hate.

I nodded to show him that I was listening intently. He continued speaking.

"Your mother, Susannah. She...she will not be sentenced. At least, not for a while."

My eyes widened in shear shock. And, well, joy. She will not be sentenced? But what happened?

Andy seemed to notice my inability to speak, since he smiled and said, "She has claimed to be carrying a child."

I blinked at the news I had just received. My mother...carrying a child? Could it be true?

"She is only two months along, Susannah, so she is not showing yet. But the judges say that she will not be sentenced until she has delivered the child. Although, we are all secretly hoping that this...predicament blows over by that time."

I nodded happily. So maybe...maybe I would not have to go and save her. She would be fine. She has to be fine. Everything would be okay again. Surely the trials would be over by the time she "delivered" the baby. Oh, I really do not think I have been happier in my entire life.

But then I remembered something. I agreed to marry Paul in exchange for his help.

I agreed to marry Paul Slater, who I do not love.

- § -

I did not really sleep all that well that night. I thought I would, considering I knew my mother would be safe for the time being, but I just kept thinking about the agreement I made with Paul. If I had known that my mother was 'carrying a child' beforehand, I would not have done something so rash as to agree to marry a man like him.

Although...the man I did want to marry was dead. Also, he seemed to want nothing to do with me. I have not seen him for the past...two weeks. Is that really how long it has been? Two weeks? Well, actually, it seems as if it has been two years, instead of just two measly weeks.

It was still very early when I looked outside my window. The sky was still dark, the moon only slightly illuminating it. I had no hope of going back to sleep.

So, silently, I slipped out of my window and climbed onto the roof. I did this every so often when I could not sleep. It was peaceful up here. I could lie down and look up at the stars, the nighttime breeze calming me down. Oftentimes, when I came out here, I would fall asleep on the roof.

I hiked the skirt of my nightgown up to my thighs, letting the breeze cool me down. I fell back against the roof and looked up at the stars. It was a clear night, so I could see every star in the sky, and the moon was as big as ever.

If I were a passerby, I would probably say it was a perfect night. But I am not a passerby; I know better. Nothing can ever be perfect. At least, not in my life.

I must have been up there for nearly an hour when I heard a tinkling of materialization behind me. Thinking it was Mary, the evil ghost, and her husband, I turned around, ready to give them a piece of my mind. But...it was not Mary and her husband.

It was Jesse.

I gulped and just...stared at him. It was as if I was paralyzed and could no longer move or do anything. I could not even think straight. He was about a foot away from me and even that was too close for comfort.

Suddenly I turned back around. The spell I was under had broken and I took advantage of that. I just could not bare to look in those eyes, the eyes of the man I love, but who does not love me back.

I just kept looking straight into the night. But then I felt him sit down beside me. He was only mere inches away from me at this point, and I was beginning to squirm with discomfort.

He was silent, just looked out into the night as I was doing. I do not know why he was there, or what he wanted, but it was beginning to get on my nerves. So I turned to him and said, trying to keep my voice from wavering, "What are you doing here?"

He did not turn his head to look at me, just kept looking out at the village. "I wanted to talk to you," he said softly. That was when he turned to look at me, and yet again I found myself lost in those inky black eyes of his.

I shook my head and looked away. How is it that someone can make me feel this way?

"About what?" I finally asked, pulling my dress back down around my ankles.

He hesitated, like he was afraid to say what he was about to say, and looked away. "About...us."

I blinked and looked at him curiously. My heart stopped beating. Did he just say what I think he said?

"What...what do you mean?" I asked, my voice almost inaudible.

He sighed and looked back at me. "It is clear that you are angry with me, Susannah."

"Angry with you? Jesse, you have not been around for two weeks! What do you expect?" I cried. I was trying to keep my voice down, lest anyone hear me, but the emotion suddenly rushing around in me was too much to bear.

He looked away. "I have been doing some...thinking. I...I cannot be here with you anymore, Susannah. Father Dominic has decided that it would be best if I stayed with him until he figures out why I am still here."

My eyes widened and I felt my eyes fill up with tears. "You are...leaving?" I asked hesitantly.

He nodded, still not daring to look at me. "It is for the best, Susannah."

"Why?"

That was when he looked back at me. He saw the tears welling up in my eyes, threatening to spill over. I vaguely remember his hand coming to my cheek, wiping away the tears that were now rolling down them.

And then he looked in my eyes and said, his voice full of emotion, "Oh, querida."

Somewhere along the way I buried my head in his chest and started bawling. His arms came around me protectively and I started crying even harder. I heard him uttering words to me, but I could not understand them; they sounded like they were in Spanish.

It seemed like forever that we were out on the roof, him just holding me. I did not want it to end, ever, but I knew it would soon enough. Good things never last. At least, not to me.

And I knew the moment was over when Jesse removed his arms from around me. He put his hands on my shoulders and gently pushed me away. But...it was not for the reason I thought it was. He was not revolted by me crying on him.

Instead of shoving me away and dematerializing, leaving me all alone to wallow in my self-pity, he took one hand and lifted my chin with it, so I was looking in his eyes. Eyes that were so full of...love. I knew then that I had everything all wrong. He did love me, but I was just too stupid and concerned about myself to even see it.

And then he leaned in and captured my lips with his own. I felt as if I was numb. I could not move an inch of my body, could not react at all to what he was doing. I wanted to, but I was just so astonished. I thought this would never happen to me again...but it was. And if I did not do anything in a moment, Jesse would pull away and think that I was not enjoying it.

And that is exactly what he did. He pulled away from me, looking me right in the eye, and then jumped away from me as if I was on fire.

"Oh, dios," he mumbled, not looking at me. "I am so sorry, Susannah. You are obviously distraught and I—"

Suddenly able to take control of my limbs again, I got up and walked over to him, careful not to trip and fall off the roof. I put my hand on his shoulder and tried to coax him into turning around. Oh, he turned around, but only to say, "I should go." And then he tried to dematerialize.

I say "tried" because I cried, "Wait!" and grabbed onto his arm so he could not leave without taking me with him. He became whole again and looked at me questioningly.

I sighed and whispered, "Don't go."

"Susannah, you must see that this is what has to happen. When I am around you...I cannot control myself. I cannot be around you anymore, because I am afraid of what I would do."

I looked up and into his eyes yet again. "I don't care, Jesse. I...I have feelings for you. Feelings that I have never had with any other man before, and I do not know...what to do."

Jesse just kept looking at me. He did not say anything, or even move, just looked at me. Then, after a good moments silence, he said, as softly as possible, "What are you saying, Susannah?"

I looked down. I could not look in his eyes saying this. I was afraid he would reject me, and seeing the look in his eye when he did...well, it would not make me any happier than I was now. Wait, what in the world am I saying? I saw it in his eyes. I saw the love that they held...oh, please let that be love and not something else...

I took a deep breath and said, rather rushed I must say, "I am in love with you, Jesse."

There was no response from him for a few moments. I was not sure if he just left and I did not hear him go, but when I looked up to see if this was true, I saw that he was still standing there, just looking down at me with an unreadable expression.

Oh, Lord. Maybe that was not love that I saw in his eyes...or maybe it was, just not the kind of love I want from this man. That must be it. He probably views me as one of his sisters and just...

But why would he kiss his sister?

Say something, I silently urged him. I did not care at that point whether he rejected me or not. I could bare the silence no longer.

It seemed as if he did hear my silent urging, since not a second later, he opened his mouth and said, "Dios, you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that, Susannah. I love you, too, querida." He whispered the last part as he took the few steps toward me.

And then, with no warning at all, he kissed me again. That kiss was not like the one he had given me only moments ago. It was...passionate. I felt the love in that kiss as his tongue intertwined with mine.

But then it ended all too soon. I did not know if it was customary to think while you are kissing someone, but I did. And that was when I remembered the other events of that day. Mainly, I promised myself to someone. Someone who is Paul Slater.

Someone I do not love.

I wrenched myself away from Jesse and turned away from him. I had to tell him. I had to, but I did not want to. I did not want to be there to see his face when I told him I am marrying Paul.

Jesse was shocked, to say the least. That I pulled away like that, that is. I think he took that as me not liking it, since he started apologizing profusely.

I turned back around to face him. I shushed him and told him it was not that I did not like the kiss, but there was something that I had to tell him. He looked at me expectantly.

"I...maybe we should go back inside first."

Jesse nodded and helped me back in through the window and into my room. Once we were settled and the window was closed, Jesse turned to me and said, "What was it that you needed to tell me?"

I hesitated at first. Then I looked down at my feet as I said, very quietly, "I agreed to marry Paul."

I almost thought that he had not heard me, but when I looked up, I saw that, indeed, he had heard me. He was just speechless.

"Jesse...I - I am sorry." Once I got started talking, I could not stop. "I only agreed to because he was going to help me save my mother, but then I heard that my mother is carrying a child, so there is no need to go and save her and this was before I found out that you did love me and—"

He put up his hand, gesturing for me to stop talking. I closed my mouth immediately.

"Susannah, you do not need to explain anything to me. You should...you should be with someone who is alive; someone who can actually care for you. Even if...even if that means Paul Slater."

I could tell that it pained him to say that about Paul. I wanted so desperately to go back and tell Paul that I would not marry him, but it was too late now. I had to go through with it, or God knows what he would do. He may have been nice to me—most of the time, anyway—but I was not quite sure what he would do to others.

I looked up into Jesse's face, fresh tears brewing in my eyes. "Were you not listening to a word I said, Jesse? I do not want to be with him! I want to be with you!" I cried out as quietly as I could, and then I proceeded to throw my arms around his neck and sob into his shirt.

His arms immediately came around me, holding me there so I would not fall onto the floor in a crumpled heap. He whispered something to me in Spanish, the only word I was able to recognize was 'querida', and even that I had no clue of the meaning.

I pulled away from him a few moments later, when I realized how ridiculous I was being. I was pretty much promised to another man, and here I was crying into the shirt of the man that I was so desperately and hopelessly in love with. A man that was dead. A man...that I could not introduce to my mother or any other of my family members, or even my friends...

Maybe Jesse was right. Maybe I should be with someone alive. I may not exactly be happy with the man I marry, but it would make everyone else happy, except, of course, Jesse. After all, it was really only his opinion that mattered to me.

Jesse's voice was what broke me out of my musings. "Susannah...maybe I should go. You need your sleep and I am depriving you of that."

I shook my head. "No, please. Just...just stay with me tonight. I...I don't want to be alone..."

Jesse sighed and looked out of the window, into the night. Then he looked back at me and said, "All right. But just tonight. I need to go see Father Dominic tomorrow."

I nodded and slipped into my bed, pulling the covers up around my neck and snuggling into my bed. When I felt no presence on the bed next to me a few moments later, I turned around and looked over at my window seat. Jesse was still sitting there, just looking at me.

"Aren't you going to come and lay down with me?" I whispered, indicating to the spot next to me on the bed.

He opened his mouth to speak, but then shut it again. Then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened his eyes and attempted to speak again. "I do not think that is entirely appropriate, Susannah."

I smiled over at him. "If someone were to walk in, Jesse, all they would see is me in my bed, so you do not need to worry about that."

He attempted to smile, but failed miserably. "Its not that, querida. I just...do not think it is a good idea. I will stay over here. Now, go to sleep. I know you have to get up in a few hours."

Too tired to argue, I shrugged and rolled back over in my bed, my eyes closing immediately. I felt sleep claim me in a matter of a few minutes.