Chapter Fourteen: If It's For You
"There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up."
― John Holmes
"I don't want to live in the kind of world where we don't look out for each other. Not just the people that are close to us, but anybody who needs a helping hand. I can't change the way anybody else thinks, or what they choose to do, but I can do my bit."
― Charles de Lint
For the tenth time on Wednesday, I tried to make my brain spill out the plays that I wanted the boys to do. Since my medication changed, I haven't heard my inner voice and cannot come up with ideas fast enough. They weren't completely debilitating but they were uncomfortably heavy. The boys wait in front of me as I try to draw the play on the whiteboard in my hand. I stare at the circles and try to hurry my brain with the motions that would be best for a wayward receive.
"Katrina, do you want me to go down the middle?" Daichi asks slowly. I look at the board and then look at the tall boy. He waits for a moment before a worried frown crosses his face. My coworker has not liked my slow thought process and once again makes his opinion apparent in a grunt.
"No," I reply and look back at the board. I wanted Daichi for the receive on the side. Who did I want to take it? Oh, I remember. "Tanaka is going down the middle."
I start the play quickly, the motions coming to mind and the board now littered with arrows and commands. I look up after I have said my piece and they all nod with certainty. They understand what I was going for and they believe me. My hands clench the board a little too tight and I nod for them to go off. They quickly go to the net and the play starts. Ukai stands in his ugly red tracksuit and I have had enough of his grunts and sighs and other noises of dislike.
"Are you sure you don't want me to take over the game strategy?"
"For the millionth time," I hiss at the man, "I am sure."
"But-"
"Ukai, I'm going to skin you alive," I mutter darkly.
The words just popped out of my mouth before I could even think. Not that my slow mind would have taken the words back but they just would have said them with more gusto. Ukai shifts nervously next to me and I fold my arms over my sweater. I can't play while I'm on this medication so I'm still dressed in my uniform. The boys will notice too much of a shift with my skills getting so bogged down. As it is, they're starting to get extremely worried. I just cover up my slow thinking as being tired from research-which I actually am still doing, so it's not a total lie.
"Hitz-chan!" Takeda yells as he is most certainly running to me. I don't turn, knowing the small man is going to have to catch his breath. He can't run very far without getting dead tired. "There's a boy at the gates for you."
My head wheels around and I look at the teacher. The last time that there was someone at the gates for me, I was almost strangled to death. The glasses wearing man looks at me and I can't help but think his nonchalant smile means he's crazy. I give him a solid frown and his eyes widen as he realizes his mistake; he realizes that the sentence is only trouble. Let's hope I'm not killed this time.
"Who is it?" I ask, knowing that if it was Gilbert, my teacher wouldn't have told me. At least I hope he remembers what Gil looks like.
"It is the boy from Aoba Johsai," he whispers but I am now acutely aware of Ukai standing over me. The bleached blonde starts to laugh and I turn a little red. The boy from Aoba Johsai? I don't talk to anyone from over there. The only person that I even made contact with was Oikawa but he wouldn't come to see me right? God, I hope he didn't. I don't want to deal with him right now. But maybe it would be good to get my underlying rage from Ukai out of my system.
"I'm going home. Ukai, I am allowing you to make two new plays," I proclaim to my coworker. The adult is still laughing and I hit him in the stomach. He promptly stops and I give a devilish smile. "If I think they're in any way stupid, I'm not going to let you whine about mine anymore."
With my threat now given, I move to get my bag. Kiyoko watches me carefully and I know that she isn't very happy about me leaving by myself but she knows that she can't stop me. I smile at her but it does nothing to take the worried look from her face. Still moving, I try to slip out before the boys see and actually success. It was extremely surprising and I know that they're going to be pissed that I slipped out before they could walk me home. Oh well.
"It's better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission," I yell into the air as I enter the soccer field.
I try to think who will be waiting at the gates but find my mind is too tired to really muse about anything at all. The walk is short and I realize that I almost forgot my bike. I sigh and figure I'll just leave it overnight. It's not like I can't take a cab from the train station. As I approach the gates I can see a crowd of people, mostly girls, which are laughing loudly. Who the hell is that?
I'm about to walk away when I hear the girls go silent. Cocking my head I wonder what the person at the center said. I would want to hear but I'm not going to risk going in there. That's just a death wish. But when I turn on my heel, I hear footsteps approaching me. My back gets goosebumps as I realize that I'm vulnerable if they attack from behind and I wheel around to find the pretty boy.
"Hitz-chan," the boy exclaims happily and the girls all glare at me. I give Oikawa a tired look then snarl at the girls. They turn scared and scurry off. "I didn't know if you would actually come."
"Why are you here?" I say in a tired tone. The boy looks into my face and frown at him.
"I was wondering if I could see Tobio," he smirks and I can tell in his voice that he is deadly serious.
"You could but that's going to cost you," I hiss at him, scared of him messing with my small genius.
"Oh, what's your price?" he asks and our voices have turned to dark tones. We both aren't playing.
"Your life," I smile out and the boy flinches. He rises from his close proximity and glares. I keep my smile knowing that he isn't going to see my boys today.
"So mean Hitz-chan," he says as his voice takes on a teasing tone.
"Is that all you came for because if you did," I reply haughtily, "you wasted your time and mine."
"Well, I just didn't come for Tobio," he laughs and the sound is disgustingly perky. I roll my eyes and start walking out the gates. The boy follows after me and is practically skipping by my side.
"Oh not only precious Kageyama," I echo in a high pitch mocking voice. My face crinkles in dislike and my anger is starting to flow out of me. This is a good cathartic experience.
"No I came for you Hitz-chan," Oikawa tells me happily and I stop. I sigh deeply and he comes in front of me. My face turns into an exasperated frown but the boy in front of me doesn't lose his movie star smile.
"What do you want from me?"
"I want to know what happened to you."
I stare at the boy and let my mind process what he just said. He's been digging through my records and now the curiosity got the better of him. He's exactly like me. I would have researched the mysterious coach and when my search came up with holes, I would have to know what happened. But that doesn't mean that I am going to give him information.
"You're out of luck pretty boy. My lips are shut," I say, a bite to my tone. Oikawa flinches slightly in front of me and I push past him.
"But Hitz-chan," the boy whines and my name is said with too much of a similarity to 'bitch' to be an accident. I rearrange my bag on my shoulder and can feel the boy aiming to hit me where it hurts. He achieves his goal with the next threat. "I'll tell them about everything."
I try to keep a blank face but poker has never been my game. How much does he know? If he's even half of what I am, that means he knows a lot. He isn't kidding; he'll tell them. The boys will listen to him and then they'll abandon me. Whatever he tells them will give them leverage to ask me about my life. And I know that the boy isn't lying when he says he will.
"I hate you," I whisper gruffly. The boy chuckles and it's deep and evil.
"I know but you're going to tell me," he states and I flinch this time.
"This is blackmail," I retort and he grabs my arm lightly. He links his through mine and turns us down the road towards the back way to my apartment.
"Not if I buy you a coffee," he argues. I slip my way out from his grasp and fold my arms. I stop and he turns around to look at me.
"I don't like coffee," I complain. The boy opens his mouth to threaten some more until I give a cocky smile. "But I do like tea and cake."
Oikawa smiles largely and I frown. The boy starts to lead the way to wherever he wants, I following slowly. I am really going to regret this but I know what will happen if I don't follow. Oikawa and I are merciless. We don't care about hurt feelings of our enemies. That's why we are dancing around each other with faux teasing. We are terribly mean and we don't like having holes in our knowledge. I'm just happy that I'm a pretty good liar when I see the person as an enemy.
The boy looks back to see if I'm still following. He gives me a goofy smile. I roll my eyes and show that this is not a fun time for me. The smile falls a little and he turns around. We are approaching the ramen shop and the bakery and the coffee house. I hope that this terrible experience will at least get me a free meal. Oikawa looks at the street and stops, probably checking our options. He turns back to me.
"Any preferences?" he smiles and I'm about to hiss at him.
But instead I wait a moment. Do I want to give him hell for making us be seen in public? Yes, yes I do. Therefore I give a shy smile and pull my braid forward. The boy in turn looks at me curiously. I approach him and stand from looking up at him. His chest is almost on my hands and I give a bright smile. The boy blushes lightly and I smirk. My hands brush his vest as they roll the tail of my braid.
"Yah," I say and then roll my lips.
This is really making him nervous. I'm glad that I'm a good actress sometimes. But I think we can step up the heat. My tongue lightly licks my lips and the boy sways. The bottom lip goes in my mouth and I bite it lightly. Oikawa blushes even harder and I wonder how the pretty boy could be blushing like a virgin.
"Okay," he swallows and I giggle.
"My preference is anyone but you," I laugh at his face and push him back. He stumbles and I laugh some more. "God you're such a baby."
"Ugghhh," he groans and turns his back on me.
The remnant of his blush is found in his ears. He turns his back and I can see him fix his white blazer. I really got him flustered. It was actually too easy. I might as well mess with the boy before he rips me open. The boy stands with his back to me and I wait for him to move. When he doesn't I merely throw my braid back and look to the street. Some girls my age are across from us and are no doubt cooing about how pretty the boy is.
"Are you going to recover?" I tease the third year and he huffs.
The boy finally starts to move and I follow after him. He seems to be debating whether the coffee shop would be good or the bakery. But he doesn't lead us to either, walking further down the street. I haven't really been this far down and wonder where we're going. The maid café comes into view and I catch Oikawa throw a smirk to me. Great. He wants to embarrass me now.
"Come on Katrina," he mocks and my name sounds terrible on his lips.
"I am Tooru," I say evilly.
The boy's eyes widen as he turns back around. His ears are blushing from his first name and I smirk with my score. It's two to zero, me. As I think up my next scheme, he opens the door to the café for me. I give a harsh glare at the gesture and we are soon greeted by a young girl with a black bob. She takes one look at pretty boy and her head implodes. Trying to keep her cool, she leads us towards a table in the back. Before I could sit, she had disappeared.
"Have you been here?" Oikawa asks as he opens the menu.
I shake my head as another waitress comes to our table. This one is older than me but maybe a third year. Her hair is dyed a deep red and her costume hugs her body in all the right places. She looks at me and I know she's surprised a girl like me is with a boy like Oikawa. I give her a slight shrug and her eyes widen with my nonchalant nature.
"Hi, what can I get started for you?" she asks, turning to my companion. Her long hair is curly and I have the urge to touch it, but refrain.
"Well I'll take a iced caramel latte," Oikawa chimes in, looking at the girl for the first time. He gives her a dreamy smile and she blushes down to her neck. I roll my eyes as she turns to me.
"I want Earl gray tea, cream with honey," I tell her as she tries to recover. The girl nods her head and leaves without saying anything else.
I look at the menu items and wonder if I'm really hungry. They do have some food items. I won't have to dirty my kitchen if I eat here. Plus I won't have to pay for it since Oikawa dragged me out to begin with. I'll have to take my pills with my meal though. They're the type you have to take with food. I sigh deeply as I look to Oikawa. He's staring at me intently and I roll my eyes at him again, hiding behind my menu.
"Are you planning on eating dinner with your parents?" he asks a little while later. I look over my menu at him.
"My parents are in Germany and I haven't lived with them for quite a while. I live alone so I would rather not dirty my kitchen," I reply with a matter of fact tone. The boy's eyes widen and I can see some of his information was wrong there. "Can I get dinner?"
"Yah," he stutters out, now concerned with my lack of parental supervision. "I'll pay for you."
"I would have hoped," I reply snarkily as the waitress is back with our drinks. She places my tea in front of me and I glance at it. Doesn't look too bad.
"Are you ready to order?" she asks and Oikawa has yet to recover from my attitude. I lower my menu and look at the boy. He is just staring at me and I sigh, bringing my hand up and snapping in his face. He jolts and turns to the waitress.
"I'll take the seafood curry," he tells her and recovers enough for a smile. I can't believe him.
"I'll take the omelet rice," I reply as I hand her my shield. She takes it and then is gone in a flash. Oikawa makes her nervous.
I look across the table and the boy is already sipping his iced coffee. He looks around and I can see the wonder in his eyes at the venue. He's never been in one of these probably—at least that's what I think from his curious gaze. I scratch my arm and then look at my tea. It seems like it's good and I hope they steamed the cream. I take a sip and it burns my tongue but tastes good. They didn't put enough honey but that's okay.
"So," Oikawa starts off and I give him a glare. He just gives me a grin back and goes on with my interrogation. "I want some answers."
"Well before I answer anything pretty boy," I proclaim and sip my tea, "I am going to have to know you won't tell anyone about me."
"So your team doesn't know everything," he mutters and puts his hands underneath his chin, propping his head up.
"They know nothing and it will stay that way. Do you understand me?" I say and my voice is hauntingly angry. The boy tilts his head on his hands and smirks.
"I do but what if it slips out?" he teases and I tap my fingers on the table. Giving him a small smile, I can see him gulp.
"Then I will disappear forever and it will be all your fault," I say sadly and the boy finally realizes that this is serious for me.
"Alright, I promise."
"Alright then."
I sit there for a second and watch the boy stare at me. He's trying to figure me out. His observation must come up with something because he gives me a guilty look. What do I look like? I try to feel my emotions and realize through the haze that I'm scared. I'm terribly scared of telling him but I'm still going to do it. But I'm not going to tell him everything. I'll lie if I have to.
"Why are you here and not in Germany?" he begins and I make a crinkled face at the question. Of all things he could have asked first, this is the question.
"I'm here for health reasons," I say quickly. The boy's face crinkles and he sits back, both hands going to the drink. I don't allow my face to show emotions and merely look into my mug. The foggy white liquid swirls around and I drink again.
"Are you sick?"
"Technically speaking, yes. But my condition can't be cured so it's more of a disorder," I reply.
The boy's hands curl further around the drink, to the point I think he's going to spill the coffee. I take a sip of my tea, ignoring his pitiful stare. Instead I look out the small window to my left. It's a good thing we got the booth in the back. I wouldn't want anyone from school to overhear this conversation. That and they may start the rumor that I'm dating stupid Oikawa. That would be tragic.
There are people outside and they are bustling down the road. There is a couple who sits in front of the bookstore across the street, holding hands. They can't be older than twenty and the boy is laughing. The girl blushes and I can see her red face from here. They seem to be happy. I wonder if I could ever be that happy.
"Katrina," a voice startles me and I jump in my seat. Looking to the boy in front of me, he seems concerned now, the glares and angry teasing having left him completely. "Are you okay?"
"Were you calling me a long time?" I ask quietly and he nods. "I was just thinking."
"But you wouldn't answer," he argues with a low voice and I nod.
"I do that sometimes. Now hurry up with the questions," I mutter and he frowns.
"Are you dying?"
"Why is that everyone's first question when I say I'm sick?"
The boy doesn't take his gaze from me. I sigh and shake my head. He doesn't seem to believe me but I huff a moment later. The waitress comes to our table and serves us our meal. The plate in front of me is steamy and the girl drew a bunny with red sauce on the yellow egg. It seems cute. Oikawa and she exchange some words that I don't bother to focus on and I place my napkin on my lap. When the girl leaves, I start my meal without any prayers.
"You don't like me very much," Oikawa says out of the blue and I look up from my plate. I give him a raised brow and small smile.
"You're barely figuring that out?" I ask with a light chuckle. The boy gives me a pout and I smile at him softly. He isn't that terrible of a person. I just hate him because he's a dirty reminder of my illness.
"Why do you hate me?" He asks quietly and I think I broke Oikawa.
I look at him closely and find that some things between us remain the same. He has bags under his eyes just like me-no doubt from watching countless videos and observing countless plays on a television screen. Then his hands always have to be doing something, just like how his are playing with his silverware and mine are tapping the table. We have multiple layers on, always wanting to have our muscles warm. But there are things that are different-things which I hate the difference between us.
"How many of my games have you watched?" I ask him. He looks at me like this isn't what he wanted to hear but I don't make a move to tell him anything.
"All of them since you were seven," he replies and takes a bite of his food. He must have a good information gatherer to have videos from my childhood. But then again, I was at a very large and competitive team, so we were always taped at matches.
"Did you see the one in Switzerland? The one from the spring of my freshman year?" I ask him and he looks down into his plate.
He pushes food around his plate and throws some rice into his curry. He must have seen it if he's acting like this. I know they were filming that day and I know they recorded me the entire time. It was the fall of a hero-no, the fall of a god. I was so good and I have no doubt that everyone has seen the video. But I can't remember if they filmed when Gilbert ripped off my bandages. I don't think that would be the case, because then Oikawa wouldn't be here.
"What happened that made you leave the tournament in Switzerland?"
The words make me look up from eating and I swallow hard. Oikawa has a look on his face that screams I'm not going to get out of this question. For not wanting to tell him much, I'm doing a great job. Maybe if I once again turn the subject around, he will forget about Switzerland. Or maybe he'll just push harder and harder. I don't care anymore, I have medication that makes my brain too foggy anyways.
"I hate you because you remind me of my past," I proclaim and then reach into my bag. The boy pouts across the table and I take out a bottle of pills. He looks at them with a frown and I can't help but think this is a different kind of pretty boy than the one his fangirls get.
"What is your disorder?"
I open the bottle and take out two pills. Swallowing them down dry, I take a sip of my tea after. Oikawa glares at me from across the table and I shake my head. He shakes his in response. I look out the window again and notice the couple has left. They probably went home, to their shared apartment, where they will cook dinner together and then fall asleep in each other's arms. The words that I will speak shatter any chance I could have that kind of life.
"Paranoid schizophrenia."
I wait for a response but get none. The silence is unbearable. There is no voice in my mind to assure me that everything will be alright. There is no reassurance that this boy won't destroy me. It's just silent and empty. My mind is so empty. I eat my food. It's the only thing I can do so I could pretend I was normal and my brain wasn't a foggy swamp of nothingness.
"What?" Oikawa whispers to me and I look at the boy. His eyes are as big as saucers and his hands clutch each other in fear.
"I am a paranoid schizophrenic. That's why I left Switzerland and that's why I'm here now. Back at the last tournament I wasn't medicated yet and it was hard to think, hard to play. I don't want the boys to know because then they'll just look like you," I say angrily. The boy pushed me too far. I look at him and instill the fear of god with my next words. "If you dare say anything to anyone, I will kill you. I have a good excuse for it in court and don't care if I rot in jail. But if you tell them, there will be hell on earth."
The third year flinches with my tone and nods shakily. Just when I think he's going to get up and leave the psycho girl alone, the waitress shows up. I give her my empty tea mug and request another. The boy across the table doesn't smile at her and she looks at me carefully. She knows something is very wrong but she's going to stay out of it. The girl leaves quickly and returns just as fast, bringing me a new cup of tea. When there is just the two of us once again, Oikawa bites his lip and I know he's going to say something sad.
"I'm sorry," comes the words and I sigh.
"Why do people do that too? It's not your fault. It's no one's fault," I complain. The boy looks at me doubtfully and I sigh. "That's all I'm going to tell you, since you probably know everything else."
The boy nods and for once I don't have to worry about him asking more questions. He's silent as I eat and look out the window. The light is going down and the boys have probably stopped practice and are cleaning up. I'm going to have get home soon. I can't walk in the dark like before. Gilbert is no doubt somewhere. My phone starts to ring as the waitress brings the check. I glance at the amount but Oikawa takes the paper away before I can discern the numbers. Pouting, I open my phone to see a new number.
"Hello?" I speak into the receiver and hear a bunch of shouting in the background.
"Why did you leave before someone could walk you home?" Kageyama yells in the background and I hear a grunt next.
"Where are you?" Tsukki asks in monotone and I sigh.
"I'm at the café across from the bookstore," I reply as I can hear the other boys complaining about me in the background.
"Who are you with?" Hinata asks in a shout and I pull the phone back from my ear. Oikawa looks at me with curiosity and I roll my eyes at my phone.
"I'm with Oikawa," I mutter into the phone and all other noise ceases. The boys don't like Oikawa. The phone is shuffled around and I know Tsukki is going to tease me.
"Oh cheating on your boyfriend already?" the beanstalk asks with a snicker and I bite my lip to keep the profanities from spilling from my mouth.
"We've already gone over this Tsukki," I hiss and Oikawa leans closer across the table to hear our conversation.
"Yah but that doesn't mean that he'll be happy about you seeing other boys," Yamaguchi adds and I rub my eyes. The boy across from me gives me a confused glance and I wave at him while I get up.
"Well wait for us there, we'll take you home," Daichi pipes in and I look at the brown haired boy with me.
"You don't have to take me home. I'll be fine if I go alone," I argue and all the boys shout on the other side.
"No you won't!" Nishinoya and Tanaka say in tandem.
"I'll be fine. It's only a five minute walk," I complain as I wave goodbye to the waitress. We exit the café as the boys argue on the other side. Oikawa I can tell is listening to the boys but when I think about hanging up, Suga steps in.
"Let me talk to Oikawa," our team mother demands and I open my mouth to refuse. "Don't you dare Katrina Hitz. Give the phone to Oikawa. Now."
"Damnit," I mutter. I hand the phone off to Oikawa and he looks at me with a frown. "Suga wants to talk to you."
"Hello?"
I watch Oikawa speak with Suga. The boy's face ranges from angry to sad to happy in the amount of a two minute conversation. The boy also hangs up before I could argue with the team more. I take my phone back and put it in my satchel, Oikawa not moving. I fix my knee high socks and then stand straight up, waiting for him to say something. He doesn't and I groan as I walk down the street. The boy follows me and I know that Suga told him to take me home.
"You don't have to listen to him," I proclaim as I cross the street. Oikawa laughs and I finally get the happy pretty boy back.
"He told me I had to take you home because you have a crazy coach," he says loudly and I pout.
"I do but I can handle myself."
"I know you can but I also know that if something happens to you and I wasn't there, that setter of yours is going to kill me. He threatened to cut off my hair and leave me ugly if I didn't agree," he jokes and I know that his words are the truth.
"They're annoying sometimes."
"Yah but they care about you. I would rather have an annoying team than a perfect one. Problems mean that they care enough to make mistakes," he muses and I look at the boy with slight disgust. What the hell is he? A fricken sage?
"I hate you," I stab but it's more playful than actual hate. He may know things about me but he doesn't ask more than is needed. I also don't feel terrible at telling him about me. Now at least someone knows my secret. Well, one of my secrets.
"How has the new medication been?" my therapist asks for the fifth time. I think she thinks my answer is different and I'm lying.
"Again, it's fine. I would like to be on the trial but I can live for the three weeks," I reply again. I look at the ceiling and listen to her breathing in the quiet room. She writes more things on her report and I wait for the next question.
"You said you had an attack last week. How was that?"
"It was not so good but my panic attacks never really are. The voices kept screaming at me, calling me names, so the usual. That's why I don't mind the harsher medication. I needed to get off the trial before it didn't work at all."
I turn my head and she is staring at me with a blank face. I don't think she understands what constitutes my attacks. She writes some things down and then draws lines likes she's making a chart. I wait for her to complete her task and look at the sheet of paper in my hand. She asked me to get my blood checked after this, so I'm going to miss the train and Aone. My heart sinks a little and my face frowns. I'm not going to see Aone.
"What do the voices tell you?"
"They tell me that I'm not good enough and that they're watching me. The normal paranoid stuff really and that I need to stop my medication. They call me names like stupid or whore or worthless," I muse and the lady nods her head.
"Why do you think they call you those names?"
"Well I know worthless and stupid are what the girls used to tell me in Switzerland, so the voices just like to bring up old memories. Whore is a relatively new one," I think about it out loud. Why do they call me whore?
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
I guffaw at this question. The woman looks at me carefully and I try to keep the red out of my face as I sit up. Staring at her, I shake my head and bite my lip. The robot of a woman raises one eyebrow and I know that I can't really lie to her. She knows me too well already.
"I don't have a boyfriend," I argue. My voice sounds too small to be taken for truth.
"But there is a boy," she states and she reminds me of Tsukki.
"He's only a friend!" I scream and the woman looks at her clipboard slowly. She starts to scribble things down and I'm blushing to my feet. Why does no one believe me?
"This boy," she starts off but I stand quickly.
"I don't want to talk about this," I scream as I start to pace.
The last thing I would want would be for my therapist to get into my head about Aone. How the hell could I ever look at him again if my therapist puts ideas into my brain? He's supposed to be separate from my disease. I feel more normal with him than anyone else. I can't stand to think that he could know about my problems. He'll just leave me.
"What's his name?" she asks and I shake my head.
"I am not going to talk about him to you. You and he have to stay separate," I murmur. The woman looks at me and then stands. She takes hold of my arm and forces me to stand still.
"Let's go get your bloodwork done."
I sigh and allow her to drag me to the door, her having grabbed my bag. She hands me my satchel and I take out my phone. It's going to be a long time to get my blood drawn and I don't want Aone to think I ditched him. I quickly type out a message without the woman next to me seeing it, and send. It's an apology and tells the boy to go ahead without me. I frown slightly as the woman tries to grab my phone but I shove it into my sleeve.
We walk some more and I feel the phone vibrate within my sleeve. Did Aone really respond that quickly? Looking at the message, I feel guilty. Maybe I should have told him closer to the train leaving so he couldn't tell me he would wait. But the message stares at me and I try to decide what path I want to take.
I'll wait for you. I don't want you to ride the train by yourself. Where are you so I can pick you up?
I bite my lip lightly and I can feel the woman staring at the phone. I don't even try to hide it as we enter the waiting room that leads to the blood nurses—at least that's what I call them. My heart starts to beat rapidly with the expectation of taking off my sleeve and showing my scars. I hate them so much. My lip begins to hurt badly as I think about what I should tell Aone. But for once, I am happy for the mind numbing drugs. This means that if Aone leaves me now, I won't feel it until the emotions are gone and I'm back on the trial.
I'm at Sendo hospital. I'll be out in twenty minutes. You don't have to pick me up. I don't want you to be late.
I sit next to my doctor and tap my phone on my knee a couple of times. The time passes and I wonder if I insulted the boy. He shouldn't have to wait for me. He shouldn't have to care for me like that. I hate being sick. But as the phone buzzes with a response, I feel my face brighten. The doctor next to me reads the message with me and I know she's smiling softly.
I don't care about being late. I am more concerned with you riding the train alone. I'll be waiting outside.
I smile dumbly at my phone until someone calls my name from the front of the room. My doctor stands with me and we make our way to the hall of blood drawing rooms. When we go in, a nurse sits me down and I look at my psychiatrist with fear. I don't want to see them. The woman nods her head blankly and reaches for my sleeve. She undoes the button and I close my eyes. With my bare arm feeling the air, the hair on my neck rises. I hate my arms.
Between my doctor and the nurse, I am positioned like a rag doll and then prodded with a needle. The metal doesn't really affect me and I squeeze my eyes tighter. It feels like hours that my eyes are closed but I know they're really minutes. When I feel a bandage being attached to my arm, tightly wound with tape, I sigh in relief. My shirt is replaced and I open my eyes, fixing the button. I get up and smile to the woman only to have her stare at me blankly.
"I'll walk you to the front," my doctor proclaims and she straightens her jacket.
I frown at her, knowing she just wants to see my friend. I shake my head but the woman finally gives me a human response. This is in the form of a deep scowl. I sigh with her angry expression and nod. She really wants to see Aone. Is it because she is worried about me or is it because she's curious? I don't know really.
We walk through the halls together and when we get to the front, I get nervous. What if Aone is really going to leave me? He's going to see my doctor and he might just freak out. How am I going to ride the train with him and remember this? I'll just have to detach myself from him. My heart clenches and I feel sad about never talking to the silent boy ever again. He's my friend.
My doctor and I step out of the automatic doors and look to the street. For a moment I have the realization that Aone might not be here. He doesn't have to be here. No one has to be with me. But as I turn to the right to go towards the bus stop, I freeze. The boy is standing awkwardly next to the door and is staring at his phone. His uniform looks even better on him than last week and it's probably only because I can stare at him like weirdo. His hands hold a small paper bag and I wonder if he went to the bakery. My slow mind then has the sudden idea that he could have been waiting for longer than I could have thought.
I panic and my doctor lays a hand on my shoulder as my hands flail slightly. I look at her and she smiles down softly at me, reminding me once again that she is actually a person and not a different kind of being who is always a doctor. The boy is avoided by people as they go into the hospital, his large stature and his concentrated face making people scared. My face fits into a large smile as I practically run to him.
When I'm in front of him he looks over and goes back to his phone. But when his brain catches up that it's me, his whole body shifts and he stands taller than before. His hand suddenly juts forward as he hands me the bag. I feel that they're cookies and I smile up at the boy. His face becomes happy and my doctor clears her throat next to us-forcing both of us to jump into the air.
"I am Doctor Morinozuka," she introduces as her hand goes out to Aone. I give him a sympathetic look but he takes my doctor's hand, his face serious.
"Aone Takanobu," he says deeply and I wring my hands with the exchange.
My doctor looks up at him and I can tell she's reading him carefully. My eyes feel like a tennis ball jumping from each person when they release hands. I silently pray that my doctor won't embarrass me or make Aone uncomfortable. She glances at me and her blank face gives nothing away.
"I see you don't go to Karasuno. How did you two meet?" she asks, the question posed for both of us. Aone looks at me and I give an invisible nod as I take the lead in the conversation.
"Aone goes to Date Tech so we ride the train together and he gets off a couple stops before me," I tell her and she nods. She looks at the boy again and I have unconsciously made the shift to his side.
"Well I'm glad you don't ride alone. Please continue to take care of Katrina," she says and then bows. I jump with her words and look to my side at Aone. He bows back to the woman and I try to keep my hands from flailing with embarrassment.
"I will," Aone responds as they both rise.
I can see his face holds the words like a promise. My face turns a little red and I watch my doctor smile a teasing smile at me. Damn the robot woman for growing a personality. The woman completes the exchange with a nod to both of us. She retreats into the hospital and I don't move for a few passing moments. Why does it feel like Aone passed some test?
"Well," I say holding the word for longer than necessary. Turning to my companion he seems happy about something though no smile is on his face. "We have to catch the bus."
Aone nods and I lead the way to the bus stop. A minute later we're on the bus on our way to the station. People on the bus stare at Aone and no one sits next to us. Some people give him looks of anger or disgust and I glare at each and every one of them. How dare they do that to Aone! He's too sweet to receive this kind of treatment. When we get off the bus I'm steaming and Aone has to pull me away before I can confront a suit and tie.
The boy holds my arm softly as he leads us to the ticket machine. He lets go only to go through the electronic options. I turn back and flip off the guy who is looking at us from a distance. The man glares at me and Aone grabs my shoulder lightly as he turns me back around. I clench my jaw as I get my card out to pay for the ticket. Aone purchases his next and we make our way to the platform, no one bothering us now.
Before anyone could give us dirty looks, we board the later train and find our regular seats unoccupied. I plop myself down and watch Aone place himself carefully on the seat—as if it could break just by him touching it. Between the two of us, we have wildly different personalities. I'm the aggressive one, ready for a fight and careless with things, while he's the passive one, tries to keep the peace and is careful with the smallest of tasks. He is so considerate and I am just a broken person who can't be put back together.
"Thank you for picking me up. Just so you know you don't have to, even if I'm a girl," I proclaim as I open our pastries.
Aone must have gotten the cookies from my normal place because they look the same. I take a chocolate one out and hand the boy the bag. Our hands brush one another and his skin is hot against mine. My skin is always freezing, no matter how many layers I wear. Aone smiles down at me and nods.
"I don't mind if it's you," he grunts out and I blush with his words.
I look at the cookie in my hand and smile as I take a bite. The boy is really poetic when I think about it. He's always saying the lines that come out of a Jane Austen novel. But I think I like that. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Maybe I should start reading Pride and Prejudice again to brush up on girlish charm 101.
The boy pushes the bag into my hand and I look at him. He's looking at me and I raise a brow. He seems embarrassed as I watch his hand go to his neck. I watch as he turns pink and I can feel myself turn slightly pink next to him. The sunlight is coming in harder through the train window and illuminates his hair and eyes. He is amazing.
"What's wrong?" I breathe out as I expel my embarrassment. His hand slowly points to his tie. I look at the yellow cloth and notice he once again has it knotted wrong. "Come here."
I place the cookies back on my lap and motion for him to turn. He turns and has placed his serious expression to hide the embarrassment on his face. My hands go to his neck and shake like last time. But they seem to have gotten used to the familiar motion of untying his tie and fixing his collar. The boy can't tie a tie can he?
"How do you live without me?" I ask and realize too late that I said the words out loud.
I blush to my chest as the boy snorts. I continue to fix the tie as the boy's face turns to an almost teasing smile. His eyes shine brightly as they are wide, showing the magnificent chocolate brown shade. The boy's lips are slightly upturned but it somehow keeps the serious nature. I don't know if people can even see the smile it's so small. But the important thing is, is that I see it.
My hands had continued their job when I finally realize his tie is perfect. I rest my hands on his chest as I inspect my handiwork. That's when I notice the beating of a heart through the boy's sweater. It pounds rapidly and I realize that Aone is just as nervous as me. It makes me relieved and I look at him in the face, giving him a shining smile. He nods once and I understand it's his thank you.
"If it's for you, I don't mind," I say as I slink back into my seat.
If it's for him, I wouldn't mind a lot.
Hey everybody. I almost had this done on Friday but then I was like no let's go a whole different direction and make me work twice as hard to fix everything and then still feel like the chapter doesn't fit or that Oikawa doesn't seem like he's in character and then let's watch the new episode which just aired and fangirl for too long and forget to do your Latin homework. This weekend was stressful. So sorry for the late update. Thank you for all the reviews! They're so positive and make me so happy. I noticed that I did throw in whore as an insult and I will address that further on. But for now the voices are going to be gone for a couple of weeks-which is good but bad because Katrina can think without fear of being invaded but also she can't think and play because she's too foggy. Also Kemna. He's coming up and I am so excited for him. I want to make him bffs with Katrina. It's going to be a sad chapter that one. Oh well.
As always, follow, fave, review, obsess. Thank you for all the reviews and loves yous guys!