*Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.

*Author's Notes: Chapter 14 of 'You're Needed Here Now, Donnie' is up and it is a very emotional one. I would like to point out to 'YNHND Fanatic' that this chapter will finally reveal what you asked me about way back in chapter 8 (something that was briefly alluded to in that chapter, but never elaborated on). Hopefully, you're still reading . . . I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the big revelation in this chapter was worth the wait. ;)

I would like to thank all of you who have taken the time to read, review, favorite, and follow me and my stories. I truly appreciate it. If you like this story or any of my other stories, please continue to favorite/follow/review them so I know that you like them. I would love the feedback and it is always nice to know if people are still reading.

And now, on with the story . . . ;) CJ

Chapter 14 – The Past is in the Present

Patience had never been one of Raphael's virtues. That much they all knew, but waiting around for Master Splinter and Mikey to come out of the Dojo was the worst torture imaginable for the most irritable turtle. It was even worse than that time that Raph was trapped in a Kraang detention cell with Mikey right after the youngest turtle had downed a jumbo milkshake and eaten three shredded beef burritos loaded with extra cheese and refried beans. Well . . . maybe it wasn't worse than that, but it ranked right up there.

After his quick shower, Raph had returned to the main living space of the lair smelling much better, but his mood hadn't improved a whole lot. Of course, with Raph it was kind of hard to tell if his mood had improved, since he was pretty much always grumpy.

The first thing that Raph had done when he rejoined Leo in the pit was drop down into the beanbag chair next to the couch so he could sulk like a little kid, something that he constantly criticized Mikey for. The second thing that Raph had done upon his arrival was glare over at the Dojo every thirty seconds or so, which didn't seem to be accomplishing all that much. The third thing that he had done was to commence punching the couch at random intervals, as if the couch was somehow at fault for his suffering.

Leo had chosen not to comment on Raph's mistreatment of the furniture, figuring it was better that his brother was taking his wrath out on the couch rather than on him.

For the first ten minutes after Raph's reappearance, not much as far as verbal exchanges had taken place, save for a few two to three word questions and answers that had been uttered just to get Raph up to speed.

After the first ten minutes had passed by in peace, the complaining started . . .

Leo should have known that the silence wouldn't last.

"This is ridiculous! How much longer are they gonna be in there? What has it been? Like an hour?" Raph seethed, tossing his hands in the air to demonstrate his frustration.

Closing his eyes and massaging his fingertips against his throbbing temples for a lingering moment, Leo inhaled and exhaled deeply through his nose as he attempted to harness his inner peace before responding to his brother's questions. He looked over at Raph with a tranquil expression, so as not to agitate his already riled up younger brother. "I think it's only been about twenty-five minutes."

"Really?" Raph asked, taking Leo's answer surprisingly well.

Maybe the shower had improved his mood after all . . .

"Yeah, and the only reason I know that is because I keep checking the time on my phone every couple of seconds," Leo said dryly, holding up his phone and shaking it for added effect.

A slight smirk passed Raph's features before his trademark scowl returned.

"Well, shouldn't twenty-five minutes be plenty of time to do the whole 'Healing Hands' thing? I mean, Donnie should be better by now, right?" Raph asked and Leo got the impression that his brother was fishing for reassurance, which was something Leo didn't remember Raph ever doing. Mikey, yes. Donnie, sometimes. Raph, never. That's when Leo realized just how upset Raph really was.

"Donnie's going to be okay, Raph," Leo said, trying to convince Raph that everything was going to be all right, but Leo wondered if he was really just trying to convince himself.

An unnerving hush fell over the lair as both brothers fought to keep their composure from faltering. What made the hush even more unsettling was that there was not a single sound coming from inside of the Dojo. Not even their noisy and unruly baby brother could be heard through the thin partitions separating the rooms. Up until now, Raph and Leo had never thought that Mikey was capable of keeping quiet for that long. Not even in his sleep . . .

Finally, Raph couldn't take the silence anymore.

"I can't do this again, Leo," Raph said in a voice much softer than Leo was used to hearing from his foul-tempered brother.

The unexpected change in Raph's tone captured Leo's attention and he looked over at his younger brother, who was hunched over in the beanbag chair with his knees drawn up so that he could rest his wrist pads on them. His emerald green eyes were narrowed into crescent shapes and his lips were turned down into a thin, pointy frown. He was staring at his feet with a bleak expression, shoulders sinking right along with his spirits.

Hearing and seeing how much Raph was hurting inside, the big brother part of Leonardo felt obligated to comfort his little brother, even if that little brother was the one who hated to be comforted. Leo scooted himself sideways along the couch until he was right beside Raph, and then, he hesitantly placed a hand on top of the red-clad turtle's shoulder in an effort to provide emotional support to his brother in need. It felt a little awkward at first, since Raph wasn't real keen on displays of affection. Especially those that involved actual physical contact . . . Both turtles had tensed up at the gesture, but eventually, Raph accepted the simple act of kindness for what it was and let his muscles relax under Leo's grasp, which, in turn, helped Leo to relax. At least Raph hadn't punched him . . .

Well, not yet anyways.

Leo couldn't help but to wonder what Raph had meant by the words 'I can't do this again.' The oldest turtle thought that maybe his brother was referring back to the time when Snakeweed had hurt Mikey, but, then again, he could have been referring to when they had thought that they had lost Master Splinter. There was also the possibility that he was talking about the time that Leo had been unconscious for three months . . .

Without further clarification, Leo had no way of knowing just what crisis his brother had been referring to. There were too many possibilities to choose from. Leo opted to keep his next comment generic so it applied to any of those scenarios, just to be safe.

"Whatever happens, we will get through this together, as a family," Leo said, knowing perfectly well it sounded a bit stale and old-fashioned, but it was the best that he could come up with on such short notice and so little sleep.

"I can't get through this, Leo. I can't watch him almost die again. I just can't," Raph said, turning his head away from Leo, ashamed that he was letting his emotions show like this.

That response sparked Leo's curiosity and left him feeling even more confused than before. Raph was afraid of watching Donnie almost die again?

Again? When had Raph watched Donnie almost die? Leo thought.

Sure, there were plenty of times that the genius had almost been seriously injured – Tiger Claw just about stabbing him with one of Raph's sais, a support post nearly falling on his head, Shredder almost skewering him with his gauntlet blades, a near-fatal fall into a giant fan, Slash trying to bash his shell in, tumbling from a high-speed moving vehicle (multiple times), Leatherhead attempting to snap his neck (again . . . multiple times), just about getting plowed into by the Shellraiser, WingNut (aka Kirby O'Neil) sending him freefalling from an alarming height into a building, Savanti Romero trying to fry him, etc. The list went on and on, but none of those incidents rationalized Raph acting like this.

Leo continued to rack his brain for possibilities, but he was quickly running out of theories. There was the time that Donnie had temporarily stopped breathing when the Dream Beavers had drained most of his life force, but Raph hadn't actually watched that happen. He had been trapped in the same dream as Donnie at the time. Perhaps Leo wasn't thinking back far enough . . . Maybe Raph was referring to that time when they were toddlers and Donnie had nearly drowned. Or maybe Raph was thinking about the time a few years ago that Donnie had come down with that bad case of pneumonia. But that was so long ago. Leo couldn't imagine that Raph was still this traumatized by something that had happened that far back in the past.

When Leo didn't respond for what felt like an eternity, Raph turned to look up at his older brother. He could see Leo's perplexed expression and he could tell that the wheels in the eldest turtle's head were spinning, trying to make sense of things.

When Raph gazed up at Leo, it was then that the turtle in blue saw a telltale expression wash over his younger brother's face. Leo's heart immediately began to pound harder in his chest.

"What aren't you telling me?" Leonardo asked bluntly, knowing precisely what that uneasy expression on Raphael's face meant. All three of Leo's brothers were guilty of using that same expression when they were trying to hide something from him.

"Leo . . . Donnie would kill me if I told you . . . " Raph left the sentence hanging, clearly torn on whether or not to blow somebody's cover.

"Told me what?" Leo snapped, losing his patience almost as quickly as Raph would have if he would have found out that his brothers were keeping secrets from him.

An odd rumbling noise rattled around in the recesses of Raph's throat as he seemed to resign to his fate. He let out an audible sigh before starting. "Back at the farmhouse, when you were unconscious . . . things . . . well, they got really bad," Raph muttered with a lower voice than normal and his gaze drifted to the floor. He rubbed a hand up and down his forearm, which confirmed that what he was about to tell Leo was going to be unpleasant.

"Bad how?" Leo grimaced, afraid of what Raph's answer was going to be.

Raph roughly cleared his throat before answering the question, but clearing his throat didn't make what he had to say come out any easier. "We, uh . . . We almost lost Donnie, too," Raph said with more regret than Leo had ever heard come from his thick-skinned brother.

"What?" Leo cried out, unable to disguise his distress.

Holding a forefinger up to his lips, Raph shushed his older brother, knowing that no good could possibly come from them breaking Master Splinter's concentration right now.

"That's exactly why Donnie asked us not to tell you what happened. He knew it would just upset you. He didn't want it to hinder your recovery in any way," Raph said, not all that convincingly.

This time, when Leo responded, he minded his volume, but the distress was still present.

"So you lied to me? This whole time?" Leo asked incredulously, as though he was naïve enough to believe that his brothers had never lied to him before when he knew for a fact that just last week Mikey had lied to his face about Ice Cream Kitty being the one who had broken the ball shooter on his prized Space Heroes Pinball machine.

"We didn't lie to you. We just left out a few details . . . " Raph said, doing his best to downplay the situation as much as he could. It didn't work. Leo was still getting his bandana in a twist.

"Oh, you mean like Donnie almost dying?" Leo hissed, curling his hands at his sides the way that Raph always did when he was about to punch something.

"Like I said, Donnie didn't want us to tell you because he knew you would overreact like this. He didn't want you worrying about him. He wanted you to focus on getting better," Raph explained, feeling as though he was somehow the bad guy here. In a way, he guessed he was. He knew that if his brothers would have kept him in the dark about something like this for so long, he would have been furious about it, too.

"How am I overreacting? You guys waited for months to tell me that Donnie almost died while I was in a coma!" Leo seethed, trying to keep his voice down so as not to disturb Master Splinter, but it was hard as shell to keep one's voice down when all you felt like doing was screaming at the top of your lungs.

Reminding himself that he could not lose his temper again, Leo drew in a purifying breath before softly saying, "Why don't you just tell me what happened?"

There was a long silence before Raph found the control needed to respond.

"A couple of days after we left the city, Donnie started acting weird. Well, weirder than normal that is. He spent most of his time cooped up in that rundown, old barn, setting up a new lab. The only time he would come out of the barn would be to check on you and occasionally sleep. When he was inside of the farmhouse, he would barely say two words to any of us and he walked around like he was a freakin' zombie. After about a week, he started avoiding us altogether. He'd spend all day and night stowed away in that little lab of his . . . " Raph paused his retelling of the events for a moment.

Leo wasn't sure what the exact reason was for Raphael's break in the proceedings, but he was willing to wager that it was a sign that the story was going to get much darker. Not wanting to push his least talkative brother, Leo waited patiently for Raph to begin again, lending his younger brother the time that he needed as well as his undivided attention.

"Donnie . . . He blamed himself for you getting hurt and everything else that went wrong. All because of that stupid fight you guys had over leaving the city or the Turtle Mech or whatever it was about . . . " There was a tinge of irritation in Raph's voice, but he pushed it aside as he continued on with his account.

"Anyway, he started obsessing over finding a way to make you better. Typical Donnie, thinking he was responsible for fixing everything. He worked around-the-clock on making that elixir for you. He stopped eating and sleeping, just like he did that time after we had to deepfreeze 'The Pulverizer.' To make matters worse, he had stopped taking care of the wound on his arm. I was so busy keeping vigil over you that I didn't even notice he was doing it. I didn't see that there was something wrong with him. Or maybe I did and I didn't even care . . . " Raph paused for another moment before moving on.

"Then, one night, Mikey went out to the barn to bring Donnie something to eat. That's when . . . that's when he found Donnie lying there," Raph said, voice cracking of its own freewill.

Leo's eyes went wide with awe and his mouth opened as if he was going to say something, but nothing came out. Leo was still trying to get over the initial shock of finding out that his genius brother had almost died, and now, this . . . Donnie had blamed himself for what had happened to him. He had blamed himself this entire time. That was the most preposterous thing Leo had ever heard.

Raph continued on with the story, unaware of Leo's internal turmoil and the fact that he had rendered his older brother speechless by what he had said.

"I was upstairs with you at the time. I remember hearing Mikey running into the farmhouse, screaming that something was wrong with Donnie and that he couldn't wake him up. The fear in his voice . . . it was something I will never forget. Mikey was a total wreck. I mean, I know that Mikey gets all worked up on a regular basis, but this . . . this was something more. This was full-fledged panic. That's how I knew it was bad," Raph said, looking at Leo so that he could read his expression. He could see that his older brother was feeling a bit overwhelmed.

And Raph hadn't even gotten to the worst of it yet . . .

"While April tried to console Mikey, Casey and I rushed out to the barn. That's when we found Donnie, convulsing on the ground. He was having some kind of a seizure. It was the scariest thing I've ever seen . . . " Raph's voice tapered off into next to nothing. He swept the back of one hand across his eyes to wipe away any tears the may have accumulated without his say-so.

"Raph . . . I can't even imagine how horrible that must have been . . . So, what did you do?" Leo asked, now leaning on the edge of his seat. He could see the pain residing in Raph's eyes as he agonized over the memory of nearly losing not one, but two brothers. A part of Leo wanted to reach out and take hold of Raph's hand to console him, but the leader's commonsense side told him that that probably wasn't the safest course of action to take. He, instead, slid down to the floor and knelt directly in front of Raph so that he could better see him.

"That's just it. I didn't have a clue what to do for him. I'm no doctor. You know that. I was totally useless. The only thing I could think of was to hold him as still as possible until he stopped jerking around . . . which took forever. I thought we were gonna lose him right there and then . . . " Raph swallowed thickly before resuming.

"Once the seizure was over, we hauled Donnie into the farmhouse and laid him out on the couch. He wasn't responding to anything we did and I could tell that he was running a fever, but I didn't realize how high it was until April checked his temp and it was a hundred and four. I noticed a red mark on his arm above the bandages covering the wound from where Mikey said the Kraang laser hit him. When I removed the bandages from his arm, it was obvious that the burn was seriously infected. What's worse, was that not one of us knew what to do about it. Without Donnie or Master Splinter's medical know-how . . . or even yours, for that matter, we were completely lost. None of us knew how to help him," Raph said, raking his hands down his face. He had thought that keeping the experience a secret from Leo was hard, but telling his older brother what had happened was far worse. Leo was looking at him with such compassion, it made Raph want to scream, or, at the very least, slap some sense into his brother. He didn't deserve his brother's kindness. Leo should have been bawling him out, not sitting there, acting like some bleeding-heart.

"I screwed up so bad, Leo. I don't how I couldn't have seen how sickly thin and pale he was. And who knows how long he laid there before any of us found him . . . "

"Raph, it wasn't your fault," Leo said, wrapping a hand around his brother's forearm and giving it a firm squeeze. He understood what Raph was feeling far better than his brother could have ever thought. Leo knew exactly what it felt like to beat yourself up inside for missing or overlooking something so obvious. He knew exactly what it felt like to feel as though you had failed your own brother in the worst possible way imaginable, for he himself had done the very same thing to Donnie. He had failed several times now to recognize that his genius brother was silently suffering and making himself sick, including the time after "The Pulverizer" incident, and now, tonight . . .

"The shell it wasn't my fault! You didn't see it, Leo! You were in a coma! You didn't see how awful he looked!" Raph spoke sharply, almost as though he resented the fact that his older brother had been in that coma when he had needed him so badly.

Leo gave Raph's arm another squeeze to remind his brother that he was there for him now, which helped to slightly calm Raph's nerves as he continued.

"I should have been paying more attention to him. I'm his big brother. I'm supposed to protect him. I should have seen that there was something wrong, but instead, I ignored him and let him make himself so sick he almost died. For all I know, he could have been unconscious in that barn for a couple of days," Raph muttered into his shoulder, having turned his head away from Leo's penetrating stare.

"I know what you're feeling, Raph. Believe me, I do, but it's not your fault. And, obviously, you found a way to help him, because he's still here," Leo said soothingly, stroking his brother's arm with his thumb. Leo now realized how hard it must have been for Raph to hear someone accuse him of failing to protect Donnie back at the warehouse. To Raph, this whole situation was probably like reliving that entire nightmarish ordeal back at the farmhouse.

If he could, Leo would take back all of the hurtful things that he had spoken to Raph this awful night in a heartbeat, but not before he had taken back what had said to Donnie to start all of this mess.

"He's still here because we all worked together to save him. While April and Casey went to town and bought every kind of antibiotic and fever reducer they could get their hands on, Mikey and I cleaned the wound the best that we could and did everything we could think of to get his fever down. Mikey being Mikey buried Donnie under a mountain of blankets, thinking that would stop him from shivering. When Donnie's shaking didn't stop, Mikey was about to start pulling down all of the curtains in the farmhouse for added warmth. That's when I had to intervene," Raph said with the frailest of smiles. No one could ever accuse Hamato Michelangelo of being unenthusiastic.

"After we caked antibiotic cream all over Donnie's arm and pumped him full of fever medication, we all took shifts watching over you and Donnie. You were unconscious, but at least you were stable. Donnie wasn't so stable, which made him not so easy to look after. Despite all of our continued efforts to treat him, Donnie's fever kept climbing and he suffered another seizure, which practically gave the rest of us a seizure. Mikey started hyperventilating and just about passed out. For four days, we fought to keep Donnie's temperature down. Finally, on the fifth day, his fever broke, but he was still unresponsive. It took three more days for him to even open his eyes, and even then, he was still completely out of it. It took another couple of days for him to actually say something that made any sense," Raph said, still keeping his stare locked on his shoulder. Anything was better than having to face Leo at this moment. Raph couldn't look at him after all that he had just revealed. He was sure that Leo thought that he was nothing but a disgrace. Still, he continued on with the story, figuring he owed Leo that much.

"After another week or so, Donnie had almost made a full recovery, aside from being a little weak and underweight. Once Donnie was back on his feet, we all made a pact not to leave him alone for more than a few minutes at a time, other than bathroom breaks and when we locked him in his room at night for his mandatory eight hours of sleep, just like we did after "The Pulverizer" ordeal. As you can imagine, this drove the brainiac crazy. Especially when Casey started working on that old truck in the barn just so he could keep an eye on Donnie while he was working in his lab. Donnie had pretty much no privacy whatsoever, but he admitted that it was probably deserved."

Raph stopped to wet his lips with his tongue, suddenly feeling as though his mouth and throat were barren of moisture, but he wasn't going to let the parched sensation keep him from finishing his confession. At this point, he just wanted to get it over with . . .

"Once Donnie was pretty much back to a hundred percent, he made a promise to us that he would take better care of himself if we promised him that we wouldn't tell you about what had happened when you woke up. He didn't want to worry you over 'nothing.'" Raph hiccupped over the word 'nothing' and he had to take a short breather before picking up where he had left off.

"He later told us that he had suffered from a 'simple bacterial infection' and that the seizures were probably caused by low blood sugar or sodium, or, maybe from his elevated temperature . . . something like that. He made it sound like his brush with death was no big deal . . . but it was a big deal, Leo. It was to me. For ten days, I thought I was gonna lose two of my brothers. It was the worst ten days of my life . . . " Raph uttered, sealing his eyes shut, pushing out the few tears that had welled in his green orbs.

With that said, Leo couldn't hold back his emotions for a second longer. It was all just too much to keep inside. He lunged forward and wrapped his arms securely around his hurting younger brother. For an instant, every muscle in Raph's body froze solid, unprepared for the contact, but eventually, he thawed into the embrace. He even folded his arms around Leo's carapace and squeezed back, consenting to the gesture.

The two of them stayed that way for all of thirty seconds before Leo inadvertently ruined the moment.

"Thank you, Raph. Thank you for taking care of us," Leo mumbled into Raph's shoulder, sniveling a little.

As soon as Leo finished his expression of gratitude, Raph abruptly pushed himself out of Leo's hold and his eyes glazed over with anger. "Thank you? Were you even listening? I didn't take care of Donnie! Not at all! From the moment we left New York, I could tell that something was off with him, but I didn't bother to do anything about it. I just left him alone in his misery, figuring we had bigger problems on our hands than dealing with some poor little Donnie routine. Honestly, I didn't even care what was eating at him. I thought he was being a whiny, pain in the shell, just feeling sorry for himself. Now you tell me, how was that taking care of him? Where was I when he needed me? I was so obsessed with helping you, I turned my back on Donnie and basically left him to die. Just like I did back at the warehouse!" Raph howled, and then, covered his face with his trembling hands. The vision of his injured younger brother lying unconscious in their father's arms was still fresh in his mind.

Leo could see Raph's whole body shuddering as he fought with all of his strength to keep himself from breaking down.

"Raph, I know you didn't mean to hurt Donnie. I shouldn't have said all of those things to you," Leo said in a raspy, almost nonexistent voice, stricken by grief.

"No, Leo. You were right. I should have . . . I should have stayed with him. He needed me and I let him down . . . again. And now . . . now he might not ever wake up . . . all because I – " Raph started, but Leo sharply cut him off.

"Don't talk like that, Raph! Donnie is going to be just fine. He's going to fight this. Besides, when have you ever known Donnie to give up on anything or anyone?" Leo asked with as much conviction as he could muster.

"You mean aside from tonight, when he gave up on making that serum for Karai?" Raph asked with a droll smirk, but there was something lighthearted about the way that he had said it that broke the tension between them and brought a small grin to Leo's face. As Raph continued, his wry sense of humor came out in full force.

"Or how about in practice, when he folds like a house of cards less than a minute into a sparring session? Or when he runs away screaming like a girl whenever someone fires at us with lasers? Or whenever he caves in just because I crack my knuckles or look at him a certain way?"

"Yes, excluding those times," Leo said with a heavy dose of sarcasm. "My point is, when it really counts, Donnie doesn't give up, even when all hope seems lost. Remember when April said that she never wanted to see us again after we accidentally mutated her dad? Well, Donnie never gave up on April and it was that blind perseverance that saved April's life."

"Yeah, how could I forget that? He totally ditched us to go rescue his girlfriend," Raph groaned, not thinking that that was the best example Leo could have provided.

"And remember when we first met April . . . when she and her dad were kidnapped by the Kraang? Donnie was the one who insisted that we go after them. He actually talked Master Splinter into letting us return to the surface to rescue them. And then, there was the time when Donnie rebuilt Metalhead and we refused to trust the tin can because of what had happened the last time. You know, when Metalhead tried to kill us?" Leo said and his last line came out a bit snarky, but his tone softened when he added, "After Donnie reprogrammed Metalhead, he never stopped believing in him. Even when the rest of us had assumed the worst of Metalhead, Donnie stood behind him. And then, Metalhead sacrificed himself in order to save us."

Raph nodded, remembering all too well how upset Donnie had been after his prized invention was destroyed in order to save their shells. Raph could still remember the look on Donnie's face the day that they had lost Metalhead. He had looked just as devastated as the day that he had lost Timothy . . .

"And let's not forget that doofus, "The Pulverizer." Talk about a lost cause, but Donnie did everything he could to help him, even after that idiot went and signed up for the Foot clan. Donnie risked his life to save that loser from getting himself mutated or killed. Then, when "The Pulverizer" managed to turn himself into a walking blob anyway, Donnie took full responsibility for what had happened and swore to find a way to change him back," Raph said and followed with a heavy sigh. For the life of him, Raph still didn't understand why Donnie had wasted his time trying to help Timothy in the first place. The kid was a serious head case and he had no business trying to be a ninja. Raph guessed that Donnie had done it because he had always been a sucker for a sob story. That's why Raph was glad that he wasn't the nice one. There was just way too much emotional baggage that came with being nice for him to deal with . . .

Just thinking about "The Pulverizer" instantly reminded Raph of how upset Donnie had gotten after Timothy had been mutated. What was even worse, was how upset Donnie had gotten after Timothy had somehow mutated himself a second and third time. Donnie had been forced to take the crazed mutant boy down in order to save them and April. As a result of that, along with April's earlier decision to abandon them due to her father's accidental mutation, Donnie had sunk into a deep depression. The genius had literally made himself sick with his guilt, to the point that he had passed out in his lab from exhaustion and starvation. That was yet another memory Raph would just as soon forget . . .

"And what about the whole Bigfoot thing? Leave it to Donnie to go out into the woods and bring back a real, live Sasquatch because he noticed it had minor injury. I think it's safe to say that Donnie's a bit of a bleeding heart," Leo said with a mixture of pride and sadness. He was proud of his second youngest brother's fierce tenacity and loyalty, but, at the same time, Leo was sad that his brother's sentimentality and trusting nature caused him so much misery and pain. As leader, Leo understood what it felt like to carry too much weight on your shoulders, but whereas Leo could stand up to the burdens weighing him down, Donnie tended to get crushed underneath them.

"You got that right. And I think Donnie might be even more stubborn than I am, and you and I both know that I'm crazy-stubborn. The genius may not be the best in a fight, but deep down, he has the most fight in him. He would do anything to protect us. And I mean anything. Like crashing the Shellraiser through a solid brick wall just to save me or staying up all night to change me back into a turtle again after 'The Creep' turned me into a plant," Raph said with a soft chuckle, but then, his face fell into a frown. He turned and stared up at the shoji screens of the Dojo, thinking back to how Donnie had saved his life not all that long ago. "Or kamikazing off a balcony to take out a mutant more than twice his size. Donnie's always worrying about how he isn't as brave or as strong as the rest of us, but yet, when our lives are in danger, he doesn't think twice about his own safety. Just ours . . . "

"I know . . . It isn't right that Donnie's the one lying in there," Leo muttered, also looking towards the Dojo with a lost expression. "Sometimes, his heart's too big for his own good. He thinks he's responsible for fixing every little thing that goes wrong, and when he can't fix things, he thinks he has failed us and he places all of the blame on himself. Just like you said he did after we left New York. You know, when I woke up from my coma, I never once blamed him for what happened. Truthfully, I never even gave the whole fight he and I had over the Kraang invasion a second thought, but now, I know that he went and took all of the blame on himself and nearly died because of it. How could I be so stupid not to realize it? I should have known that he would blame himself for what happened. Of course Donnie would allow the guilt to consume him," Leo said with a heavy twinge of remorse. He wondered how he could have been so blind to not see that Donnie had been hurting for so long . . . again. He wondered how his brothers and his human friends could hide something like that from him all this time. He wondered how Donnie must have felt after he had yelled at him for not being good enough when Donnie had already thought that he had failed him. But mostly, Leo wondered how he was ever going to make all of this up to Donnie.

"Yeah, you don't ever have to bother blaming Donnie for something. He'll do it for you. Kind of like some other turtle I know," Raph said with a sly grin, nudging Leo with his foot, nearly knocking his already off balance older brother over backwards.

Once his equilibrium was fully restored and the chance of him falling on his butt was greatly diminished, Leo returned Raph's grin and lightly bumped a fist into his younger brother's shin in a teasing way.

The break in the dark clouds that had been looming over them the entire night was a most welcome reprieve, but the blithe moment could not last. Not as long as their younger brother was out of action.

Leo looked up at Raph and felt the seriousness of the situation pulling him down once again. There were so many things the blue-banded turtle needed to make amends for, he didn't even know where to begin. He decided that eating crow over his ill-mannered behavior towards Raph was a decent enough starting place.

"Listen, Raph. I'm really sorry about yelling at you earlier. I was way out of line. I should have never – " Leo got about three-quarters of the way through his would-be apology before Raph nipped it in the bud.

"Shut up, Leo. We both know we screwed up in a massive way. There's no sense in us apologizing to one another. Save it for when Donnie wakes up," Raph said with a stern expression.

Leo nodded and stared over his brother's shoulder, fixing his gaze on the Dojo once again. That was when Master Splinter came into view. Leo's eyes widened at the sight, which caused Raph to turn in the direction that Leo was staring in.

"S – Sensei, h – how is he?" Leo stammered, instantly springing to his feet, looking far more energized than he actually felt inside.

Raphael also rose to his feet, although he was not able to perform the task with quite as much dexterity or vigor as his older brother had. The hotheaded turtle was running on empty at this point and he couldn't seem to summon the stamina that Leonardo had somehow channeled. Actually, Raph considered it a small miracle that he was able to get up at all.

Master Splinter padded towards his two oldest sons on silent paws and stopped just shy of where they stood at attention. The both of them were hanging on his every movement. Lowering his ears, Master Splinter clasped his hands behind his back and studied his sons for a moment before speaking.

"Donatello is resting comfortably and it appears as though the Healing Hands technique has helped to improve his condition. Your brother is still unconscious for the time being, however, his body temperature has come down several degrees and his other vital signs are also showing significant improvement. I believe that Donatello is out of any immediate danger at this point. That is not to say that he is completely healed. He is still suffering from an unknown ailment, a concussion, and a severely sprained ankle. I suspect that he will be laid up for several days, if not weeks, depending on how serious his illness is, but I expect him to make a full recovery, given time," Master Splinter said, endeavoring to be devoid of emotion, but a sentiment of relief was detectable.

Never before had Leo been so tempted to break into song or give his father a high-three then when he heard the news that Donnie was going to be okay, but Leo refrained from making a fool of himself the way that Mikey would have had he been there.

"That is wonderful news, Sensei," Leo said, minimizing his elation to a less embarrassing level.

"Wonderful indeed. However, I must caution you that your brother is very weak and he will require us to take care of his needs for a while," Master Splinter pointed out. He then arched an eyebrow before adding, "He will need you two to help him through this."

"No problem, Sensei. Anything Donnie needs, we'll take care of it," Raphael declared with far more enthusiasm than Master Splinter was accustomed to hearing from his headstrong son.

"Of course we will! We can take shifts watching him and helping him get around the lair," Leonardo keenly chimed in, already putting plans together in his head. Master Splinter could see that his most obliging son was raring to put those plans into action.

It was then that Master Splinter held up a hand to hush his two oldest boys.

"Perhaps I have not made myself clear enough, for I believe you have mistaken the true meaning of my words. Allow me to restate what I have said. Donatello will need the two of you to help him get through this . . . together. I fear your brother's wounds from tonight go much deeper than just the physical ones. I am afraid that he has been emotionally wounded as well and such injuries can inflict far more damage than the ones that we can see," Master Splinter said in his most somber of tones.

Leonardo and Raphael instantly recognized that unique tenor in their father's voice and their heads dropped down in defeat. That tone could only mean one thing. They were in for a long-winded lecture/guilt trip and there wasn't a thing that they could do to possibly get out of it.

"For the past week or so, I had sensed there was something troubling Donatello, but your brother would not willingly admit to it. Finally, after some coaxing, and perhaps some intimidation on my part, he informed me that he has been suffering from frequent headaches since the incident where Michelangelo spilled the serum on his hand. Whether these headaches were a side effect of the incident with the serum or a result of your brother overworking himself, I do not know, but it has been of great concern to me," Master Splinter said, stroking his long, white beard in thought.

"Donnie's been suffering from headaches for a week and no one said anything? Why is everyone in this family keeping secrets from me?" Leo whined, careful not to let too much irritation show. Leo wanted to remain respectful of his Sensei, but at the same time, he was furious that his father had chosen not to inform him that something was wrong with Donnie. Of course, the fact that Leo had just found out that all three of his brothers, along with April and Casey, had not told him that Donnie had almost died while he was in a coma certainly wasn't helping matters any.

"Donatello insisted that I not tell anyone. He was quite adamant about it," Master Splinter said and he would have continued if not for Leonardo uncharacteristically interrupting him.

"Let me guess. Donnie didn't want to worry anyone," Leonardo said with more cynicism than Master Splinter had come to expect from his oldest son. The Ninjutsu master was not at all pleased with his son's sudden shortage of etiquette, but he chose to let it pass due to the stressful circumstances and the delicate hour.

"Yes, that was his reasoning," Master Splinter said with a heavy pang of regret. Perhaps if he would have said something about Donatello's condition, all of this would not have come to pass. Perhaps Donatello's brothers would have intervened rather than pushing their brother harder than he was already pushing himself . . .

"Argh! Why can't the brainiac just let us help him every once in a while?" Raph growled, shaking his fists out in front of him.

"It is not in Donatello's nature to ask for help, Raphael. Unfortunately, it is in his nature to overwork himself and neglect his basic needs. Hence, the reason for your brother's current illness. I noticed that Donatello had been skipping meals more and more frequently and I believe he had been forgoing sleep for the greater part of a week – perhaps longer – in order to create the serum for Miwa. When I approached him about my concerns a few days ago, I was not the least bit surprised that he denied my suspicions. He assured me that he was taking care of himself, so I did not push the matter any further. And for that, I am truly ashamed. I knew that your brother was disregarding his health once again, but I selfishly put Miwa's welfare before Donatello's. I allowed your brother to continue to work himself past the point of exhaustion on that cure just because I wanted my daughter back," Master Splinter said with a heavy heart and his posture unexpectedly wilted like a fading flower.

After hearing how hard Donnie had been working on the cure for Miwa, Master Splinter's was not the only heavy heart in the room.

"And I told him that he wasn't trying hard enough when he had been working nonstop and running himself ragged," Leo said, choking back the tears, thinking he should have never assumed that his genius brother hadn't been giving his all. This was Donnie they were talking about. He always gave one hundred and ten percent. Always . . .

"And then, I went and told him he wasn't smart enough . . . " Raph groaned into his hands, which were now clutching his face. He was just as appalled by what he had done to Donnie as Master Splinter and Leo were with themselves.

"It appears as though the three of us have all failed Donatello in some way tonight," Master Splinter said, straightening his posture back up which indicated that he had caught his second wind. Unfortunately for Leonardo and Raphael, that also indicated that the lecture was not over yet.

"Your brother needs us all to work side by side to repair the damage that has been done this evening. Remember what I told you earlier about the importance of unity?"

Leonardo and Raphael nodded in response, just wanting to get the lecture over with as quickly as possible so that they could see their wounded brother.

"We cannot provide Donatello the help he needs if we are divided. Together, we must make him understand that what has happened tonight is through no fault of his own. Your brother is extraordinarily gifted and brilliant, but he is also extremely vulnerable and insecure about himself and any form of failure can easily discourage him. I believe his need to fix things extends far deeper than any of us can begin to comprehend. While Donatello's inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity are a blessing, they can also be a curse. Your brother places far too much burden on himself and when things are broken or irreparable – be it objects or relationships – he takes full responsibility for whatever results may transpire. Far too often, Donatello forsakes his own needs in order to make our lives better. At times, I worry we take his generosity and kind soul for granted. He has provided us with so much and asked for nothing in return. As his family, it is up to us to recognize when your brother pushes himself too hard and offer our support. The responsibility falls upon us to lighten his load. That is the lesson we must learn from this experience," Master Splinter informed them in a firm, yet gentle tone. He would have continued on with his sermon, but he could see that his sons were exhausted and not all that interested in what he had to say.

"Now, I believe it is time for us all to get some rest. You may check on your brother first, but then, you are to go to bed."

"Hai, Sensei," Leo and Raph uttered in agreement. They then eagerly followed their father towards the Dojo.

To be continued . . .

*Author's Notes: This was a long one . . . I hope you liked it. Thank you to all of you who are still reading this story. Please continue to favorite/follow/review if you enjoyed this chapter so I know that people are still with me. I would love to hear from you and to know if you liked Raph's revelation. Thank you, again! ;) CJ

*For those of you who have not read my story, 'A Shell of Himself,' the parts of this chapter that reflect back to when Donnie made himself sick and passed out in his lab over Timothy's frozen state/April's absence are references to that story. Just an FYI . . .