The Blood Of One. The Sins Of Many.

Chapter 14: Confessions

Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer; it's unfortunate, but true. I don't own Twilight or any of its characters either... Though I would love to, I can't take credit for that genius. The plot is my own, but all references to Twilight, its characters and the lyrics used belong to their respective owners. Thank you for letting me play in the playground!

But it's you who brought me here
It's you and all your cheers
You who brings a fear
You, through all these year

Slow by Grouplove

I wasn't sure why Rosalie was gone so long. I just knew that no matter how much I wanted that bath, I was glad to just lay there awake and catalogue my aches. They started in my brain, pounding away against my skull like a jackhammer, and moved all the way down to my toes that felt like they'd been cramping for forty-eight hours straight. For all I knew, they probably had been.

There was no part of my body, mind or soul that didn't hurt. Even lying completely still in the middle of the huge bed, I hurt. There was no rhyme or reason to a lot of them. Like how the hell did one injure the cartilage in their ear? Or what would make my left boob ache like a gorilla had groped me?

Even my throat felt like it had been in a tangle with some heavy-duty sandpaper. The only flashes of memory I had through most of the experience was the unbearable pain that seemed to have consumed everything else around me. I hadn't been aware of anyone or anything other than the pain. Then there was the insatiable need my body seemed to have for the drug, which clawed at me.

The unfortunate side effect that seemed to stay with me, were the dreams. They'd been so real, so vivid that there were times when I literally couldn't distinguish between what was going on inside of my head and what was going outside of it. Some of these dreams had just been me; alone in the forest behind my dad's house, with the unrelenting knowledge that someone was watching me. Then I relived my fathers death over and over again, unable to escape it as it ran on an uninterrupted loop. It was like payback for the years I'd managed to suppress it through the drug. The moments I'd dodged, paid in full at cash out.

If I'd known that in the beginning, maybe it would have deterred me from ever starting the stupid crap to begin with. It was just too late for regrets. It was over and done with, and though I was certain there would always be a part of me that hungered for it, I took solace in the fact that the worst of it had passed.

I wasn't sure if it was the smell that surrounded me, or the gritty feel of the sheets against my skin, but I was ready to get out of the bed. The kinks in every one of my muscles seemed to demand my attention, and there was no ignoring it. With slow, deliberate movements, I made an attempt to shuffle to the edge of the bed. It was slow going considering every flex of muscle sent a huge wave of agony through me.

By the time I actually managed to get on my feet, Rosalie danced through the door, the picture of grace and ease.

"Bitch." I grumbled under my breath, but it only seemed to make her laugh.

"That bad?"

"If you can imagine being run over by a steam roller, followed by a stampede of elephants and to top it all off dragged a thousand miles behind a Nascar, you may come close to the way I'm feeling right now."

"Then I have to say I'm glad I am impervious to that kind of pain."

"And again I say, bitch!" I snorted, taking her arm as she rushed to help me rise to my feet. She helped me get into a steady rhythm. When I was completely stable, she released me and headed to the bathroom, while I paced like an ancient invalid with hip and back problems.

She didn't say a word as she poured the bath, and I had the distinct feeling she was building up to something. I wasn't sure what exactly, but I could only guess given the nature of the nightmares I'd been having. I had no idea what to expect, but I couldn't shy away from answering her questions after she'd been decent enough to actually stay with me and followed through by getting rid of the others. The least I could do was pour my heart out to her and hope that she'd keep it to herself.

I continued my laps around the room, easing the tight muscles in my legs. I was stumbling more than I even had in my life and I was beginning to wonder if life with the drug was the only thing giving me semi decent balance.

The hunger for the drug was still clawing viciously, even after the hell I'd been through. It was a small chant in the back of my head begging me to get dressed and find the first dealer I came across and take myself out of this pain. Fortunately, the other part of my head, that was now lucid and in control, tried to shut it down. I wasn't naive enough to think this would go away anytime soon. I had only fought half the battle. It was the hardest part, in the fact that it was a physical pain, but I still had a mountain of mentality to conquer.

"Bella," Rose said, sticking her head out of the bathroom. "Come get in the tub and relax for a bit. I'll change the sheets and then we can talk."

"Oh goodie."

Rosalie rolled her eyes at me, but it was playful, and I appreciated it. She helped me into the bathroom, and didn't even blink as she helped me strip out of the clothes that would need to be incinerated.

The hot water was bliss as I submerged myself in it. The heat palliated my aching muscles and the rising steam chased away the last of the fog in my mind. I was a long way from feeling like myself, but I was at least beginning to feel human. It was the least I could hope for, especially as I was more exhausted than I could imagine being. I lay back against the cool porcelain and let my head hang over the edge with my eyes closed as I listened to Rosalie moving around the room.

"What is it with you and falling asleep in tubs?" She asked, jolting me awake. I hadn't even realized I was heading in that direction when I'd closed my eyes.

"It's one of those human things you're missing out on." I smiled smugly, sinking a little lower in the cooling water. It was still hot, but it was nowhere near close to the smoldering heat it had been when I'd submerged myself.

She didn't take offense, she just laughed lightly and lowered the lid of the toilet before perching on it with a peculiar look on her face. I could only imagine how it felt sitting on something that she hadn't needed to use for almost seventy years.

"You look like you're confused." I hummed in satisfaction as she leaned forward and flipped on the hot water again. She dug her hand in the water and released some water while she topped it off. She seemed to be doing better at this than she'd imagined, and as soon as I was able to go somewhere other than the four walls, I was going to get her something that would should just how much I appreciated her help.

"No," she said, splashing water in my direction. "I'm just normally the one in the tub and Emmett's sat on the toilet talking to me."

"Just the image I needed."

"Oh don't put on that prude act now. You were so much fun when you were a stripper."

I gave her a spectacular view of my middle finger and smiled as I closed my eyes again. I knew she was building up to something; I'd been counting on it.

It was a while, but I heard her sigh and shuffle on her makeshift seat. I opened one eye and directed it at her, but she was looking down at her hands in her lap.

"Spit it out, Rose."

"I was building up to it."

"And I was falling asleep again waiting. I know you had to have heard something. I sleep talk on an ordinary night. I can only imagine the shit I was spitting out while I was in la la land."

"Then how about you do the talking?"

This time I sighed and shifted in the water, sending hot currents of water over my exposed skin. I turned the faucet off with my toes as I tried to arrange my thoughts in my head. This was probably the first time that I would explain the whole thing since I'd lived it.

"Just start from when we left."

I growled a little, but dug deep within myself. The faster I dealt with this, the easier it would be to combat the memories that would assault when the cravings hit. Maybe saying it out loud would help me deal with some of the ghosts that haunted me. If I were lucky it would also absorb the anger that I clung to like a life raft.

"When you left, I was a mess." I started. "For months I was an introvert. I lost what little friends I'd made; I ignored my father and only spoke when I needed to. I did what was expected of me, and nothing more. I couldn't see the point of living a life that didn't seem to matter without the man I loved. He was the other half of me. My life inexplicably made sense while he was in it, and when he walked away, I couldn't find a reason to try anymore.

"I was like that for months, and finally dad started to threaten to send me to stay with mom. I knew I had to do something. I had to make an effort. So I went out with Jessica. Did Edward ever tell you about those guys in Port Angeles?"

"He mentioned it." She replied, avoiding eye contact. I wasn't sure what had triggered that reaction in her, but I couldn't stop now I'd started. I needed to get it all out there.

"I thought I saw them that night, and when I stepped toward them, I could have sworn I heard Edward warning me not to be stupid. After months of being almost completely cut off from feeling anything, I took the notion and ran with it. I ended up finding a couple of motor bikes and refurbishing them with a friend."

"Only you would find a reminder in something that dangerous."

"Maybe," I said, shaking my head, remembering the way it had given me hope. "But it was the only connection I had to him. That's how I met Jacob though."

"You met someone else?"

I nodded, cursing the blush that rose to my cheeks. I had no reason to be embarrassed or sorry for falling for someone else, and had it been anyone else in the family, I think I could have played off my emotions as anger at asking. Somehow it being Rose made me feel contrite.

"Believe me, it took a long time and a lot of convincing on his part. He was patient and understanding, and when he changed for the first time, he came to me. Not that he could . . . you know tell me, but he figured out a way to get it across."

"Changed?" Rose asked, leaning forward.

"I'm sure you're more than aware of the legends. They did sign a treaty with your family."

"The wolves?"

I nodded, surprised by her astonishment. I'd always just assumed the Cullens knew. Edward hadn't made any secret of his distaste of Jacob or his father when he sought me out at the prom. That had made some kind of sense to me after Jacob had described their mortal enemy status. I think that was why he was so confident that I would deal with his secret well.

"They started changing again? And you dated one of them?"

"Yeah. It wasn't like I just woke up one day and thought 'you know what? I'm over Edward.' Jacob and I were friends for a long while and then he started getting sick. I worried about him, because the only time I actually felt like myself was while I was with him. He was my best friend.

"He avoided me forever, and I went to seek out one of the bullies he'd been afraid of, and instead I found the bully's fiancée, Emily. She actually thought I deserved to know the truth, Imprint or not. She knew how Jacob felt about me. Sam, the alpha, was pissed, but he couldn't stay mad at Emily for long."

"She was his imprint?"

I turned my head lazily and looked at her as she leaned forward to put her elbows on her knees and cradle her cheeks with her hands. I raised an eyebrow. The heat of the water was making me feel lethargic.

"You know about the whole imprinting thing?" I asked, actually able to inject some surprise into my voice.

"Yeah, we know some of their legends."

"The third wife?"

She nodded. "We have a similar principal, but we have a little more choice in who our mates are. Once we find them though, we're with them for life."

Didn't that just make me feel fabulous? Nature had scorned me twice, making fate skip me with both men I had fallen in love with. I should have known that I would be passed by. No one got as unlucky as me. Whether I liked it or not, Edward had done me a favor. He had realized I wasn't the right person and didn't let it drag on. Jacob however had sworn that it would never happen for him because I was the one he wanted. At least that explained my misfortune.

"Go on."

I took another loaded breath. I hated reliving this part, and I hated the small omission I would have to make. There was no way I was going to tell her that Edward had never left my mind for a single second, or that Jacob had accepted that as part of me. Nor would I tell her just how much I'd been broken. If I wasn't his mate, I wasn't going to make it more uncomfortable waffling on about how I managed to love Jacob despite how Edward was always there with him.

"Well, I guess knowing their secret, it made it easier to hang out with them. Once they told me about the vampire they'd been chasing for months, it made it even easier to fit in with them. The red hair gave her away, and they made dad and me stay on the res for a while. They actually got someone to lie and say there was a gas leak at the house." Rosalie's face tightened up and I could actually see anger flash in her eyes. "We stayed there for almost a month, but she'd disappeared. She actually stayed away for a long time."

"Which was long enough for you and Jacob to get closer?" she said, avoiding the topic of Victoria. I knew it wasn't going to stay that way for long. Her name felt like acid coming from my mouth, but I was trying not to think about that just yet.

"It just seemed inevitable. We were best friends and we had chemistry, so we took the next step and started dating. After I graduated, I went to Peninsula College up in Port Angeles, I was going to go to the Forks Extension, but the one in Port Angeles was bigger. Jacob and I dated the whole time. I stayed there during the week and came home on the weekends, and he would come up some evenings. We had a good relationship, we made each other laugh, and I loved him. We were actually going to move in together after graduation, but when I came home for summer during my second year, I knew it was impossible. I hadn't seen him in weeks. He was working his ass off and I was doing finals. We'd talked on the phone every night, but when I saw him I ran at him and his hug was . . ."

"Lacking?" Rosalie asked. Her voice filled with disgust. I wasn't sure if this was her new protective side or her distaste at the fact I was able to move on. I decided not to ask.

"You could say that. I knew him well, and I knew the man I loved would never have reacted like that after not seeing each other in weeks. He sat me down on dad's porch and explained that he'd imprinted. He'd never intended it to happen of course, she'd showed up in her car and the moment he looked at her he knew.

"It was the second worst day of my life by that point. Knowing that the person I had trusted with my heart had just cast it aside. I avoided him like the plague after that. I got a small apartment in Port Angeles, and barely went home. Dad came to visit me rather than the other way around, but that was only because he tried to get Jacob and I in the same room the Thanksgiving after we broke up."

Rosalie's gold eyes looked at me sadly. I'd thought I would have bored her by now, but she was still completely wrapped up in my story. Reacting just as I would have if I'd been listening to my pathetic life story. I could see she was sorry about what happened, but she had more tact than to say how sorry she was. I knew it was the appropriate response, but hearing it as much as I had, left the word meaningless. Sorry was a five-letter word that you dropped when you felt guilty. If you were really apologetic, you proved it.

"Something tells me that didn't go over well."

"Like a lead balloon is an understatement. Dad never knew what Jacob was, no matter how many times Jake threatened to tell him. It wasn't as though I could explain that Jake had imprinted. So when he forced us to face off, I threw Jacob out of the house and said to my dad, and I quote. 'Don't invite that cheating bastard into our home again.'"

"Did he go after him with a gun?"

I let myself smile as the memory tickled at the edges of my mind. "He would have. I couldn't let him do it. He'd freak when Jake healed right before his eyes. But he never did try and get us in the same room again, and I believe Jacob found himself with a ticket when he was barely five over the speed limit."

Rosalie smiled gently, and I realized she knew what was coming. I finally realized what I'd said in that groggy drug withdrawal. It was the very reason she gave me that gentle understanding smile when I spoke about dad.

"I avoided Jacob at all costs after that. It made it easier to deal with having my heart handed back to me again. He didn't let it go easily, he called relentlessly and dad said he called him too. The calls finally started to die down after Christmas and I decided that I was safe. So I went home to visit dad for Spring break.

"He was so happy to see me. God, he took me to the station, and boasted about how well I was doing in College, he took me to the diner, where he told me I'd lost too much weight and forced one of their biggest burgers down me." I laughed at the memory, but it spiked the pain in my chest, making it feel like I'd been stabbed.

"I was gone most of the day, I had a lead on something so I went to check it out. To make it up to him, I was going to cook us steak for dinner. I'd bought him one of those grills he'd always wanted. I bumped into Jacob and we got into a huge fight and he insisted on driving me home so we could talk, because he thought I was being unfair because I knew what I was getting into–"

"Wait. Hold up a minute," Rose said, sitting up straight, one of her perfectly arched eyebrows disappearing into her hairline. "Your saying that the asshole convinced you to date him because he swore he would never imprint, then blamed you for being irrational at being mad at him because you knew what you were getting into?"

"Thank you." I sang, sweeping my arm at her. "That's exactly what I said, but he said he couldn't help it, any more than I could help having brown eyes."

"What did you do?"

"I was about to kick him in the nuts, but we were close to dad's house and he froze all of a sudden and did his impression of a Neanderthal and pushed me behind him. I knew something was wrong and the gusto for the fight left me immediately. I pushed him out of the way and ran to the house, fighting him off every step of the way. I found out later it was because he smelled the blood . . ." I could feel the tears building in my throat so I faded out and stopped. I couldn't say the words, and I couldn't describe the scene. They were two things I would never be able to form with my tongue and mouth.

"Victoria?"

I nodded, remembering the moment I arrived at the house and saw the smirk on her lips as she looked down at me with perfect satisfaction as the blood left my face and my body. She knew exactly what she was doing when she'd killed him. I'd almost reached her when Jacob had literally pushed me to the ground and charged headfirst at her, his wolf appearing in a blink as he jumped the stoop in one fell swoop. I hadn't even acknowledged the fight. I could have been bitten, clawed, dismembered, but all I'd been trained on was my father, I sank to my knees beside him, my eyes taking in the blood covered walls and the pool he was laying in. She hadn't just settled at killing him. She'd tortured him and made sure I'd known it. I could see the pain that echoed in his vacant eyes, and the shout of it twisted on his blue lips. There was no saving him. She'd drained him dry one she'd broken his bones.

I shook my head to clear the image. It hurt like an open wound in the gut.

"I must have passed out at some point, because I don't remember much after accusing Jacob of not killing her because he didn't love me anymore."

"She got away?"

I nodded. "Don't worry though, she's haunted almost every one of my dreams since. I know she's never far away." I laughed bitterly, hearing the maniacal tone in my voice.

"Bella–"

"It's not your fault. So don't apologize."

"It may not be, but I will enjoy ripping that bitch limb from limb. Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

"Because for a while, it was nice being just me. None of you looked at me with pity, or like I was made of china," I said, feeling the tenuous hold on my emotions break down. "Which is why I want you to keep this to yourself. I owed you an explanation because I asked you to do this for me, but I can't have everyone treat me like I'm broken."

Rosalie sighed. I could see she didn't like the idea of not telling anyone. I was already having trouble breathing with the weight on my chest, but I had to get my point across. My eyes were already welling with the tears, when I finally let the emotion overcome me.

"It's not forever. Just until I get my strength back. You know what they're like, they'll try to cheer me up and appease me, and Edward will do that wounded puppy thing. I at least want the strength to yell at him when he does that." I sniffled.

"If I promise to not tell, can I at least tell Emmett? He will crank it out of me anyway."

"As long as you tell him not to baby me." I sobbed, unable to stop the damn now that it had opened. I could feel the heat of the tears rolling down my cheeks, even though the bath water was still hot. The moment she nodded, I came unglued, my forehead dropping to the edge of the tub as my heart scattered around the empty cavity. No one would ever understand what Victoria had taken from me, and I would do anything to have her pay for taking it away from me. If I was strong enough to do it with my own hands I would do it, but instead, I had to depend on someone with the same strength as the woman herself.

It was probably a little too much to have been attempting being so newly sober, especially considering the raging bout of cravings that washed over me. It was almost enough to send me sliding under the water and testing how long I could hold my breath and staying another five minutes past that. It was like a full body itch that no amount of scratching could remedy.

Seeing my discomfort, Rosalie pulled a towel from the rack and held it open for me. There was no sympathy in her eyes when she looked at me, and I was grateful for that. What rang behind the honey tone of her iris' was revenge, and I knew I had made a new friend. One that understood me better than anyone else had in a long time.

"I'll go and get you the food Esme ordered for you, and see if Carlisle has anything to help you sleep. I think you deserve a dreamless sleep tonight."

I nodded, and let her lead me to the bedroom where she helped me into clean sleepwear and practically tucked me in bed. I gripped her hand as she moved to step away from the bed. My tears were still running freely, but she chose not to notice. She simply squeezed my hand in encouragement.

"Thank you. For everything."

"I have done anything," she said quietly, standing up straight. Then I saw the glint in her eyes. "Yet."

Authors Note: I suck, I realize that, but I'm going to double post to make up for it! This month has been so busy for me and I know that's not an excuse, but there it is. I will get balance back and respond to the reviews at some point, but for now I'm not making promises. There is just so much going on at the moment. I will however promise that I will get the chapters out on time from now on!

Thanks to all of you for reading, adding to favorites and alerts and for the wonderful reviews. The fact that you guys take time out of your day to let me know how I'm doing is not lost on me. This is why I prefer to respond to them. Time willing, I will get that opportunity again soon.

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