Chapter 14
As we drove home, I kept glancing at her—mostly because she kept glancing at me, and it was making me more than a little uncomfortable.
"Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" Whoa, that was abrupt.
"Does it matter much?"
"No, but I still wonder…"
I thought for a moment, then decided it didn't matter much if she knew. "I was born in Chicago in 1901. Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, dying of Spanish influenza." I heard her gasp.
"I don't remember much, but I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you forget."
"What about your parents?"
"Already dead from the disease. I was alone, and that's why he chose me. No one would miss me when I was gone."
"How did he…save you?"
"He turned me. It was difficult, and for me, very, very painful. He acted out of loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice." That, or boredom. "I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. Somehow her heart was still beating when they brought her to the hospital."
"So you have to be dying, then, to become…?" I could see the direction her thoughts were taking, and headed it off as quickly as I could.
"No! That's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice." Because if they do, they're much harder to control. "He says it's easier, though, if the blood is weak."
"What about Emmett and Rosalie?"
"Carlisle brought Rosalie to the family next. I guess he was hoping she and I would take to each other, but it never became more than a brother-sister thing." I mentally snickered as I said that. Brothers and sisters traditionally do not engage in the types of activities that we often do. I went on. "Two years later she found Emmett. She was hunting in the Appalachians, where we lived at the time, and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him more than a hundred miles back to Carlisle, because she was afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself." And she wanted some mental assistance from little ol' me.
Our family is composed of a weird "pyramid scheme" of manipulation, with Carlisle at the top. Rosalie, Esme, and I are in the second rung, Emmett is on the third, and since Alice and Jasper kind of showed up on their own, I'm not really sure where they stand.
"But she made it," Bella prompted, and I could see the fairy tale ending going through her mind. Ah, how amusing these young, innocent minds are.
"Yes," I said, following along with her interpretation. "She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place." That last part was totally true.
"And Alice and Jasper?"
"They are two very rare creatures. They found us without any guidance. Jasper belonged to a very kind of different vampire family, and it just depressed him, so he wandered off on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."
"Really?" She stared at me, fascinated. "But I thought you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."
"I am. Alice's gifts lie in a different direction. She sees things; things that might happen, that are coming in the future. But it's very subjective, since the future isn't set in stone. Things can change."
"What kinds of things does she see?"
"She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself." More like that he would be her pet, in time. "She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."
"Are there a lot of…your kind?" She sounded a little scared, which was sensible of her, considering the question.
"No, not many." Didn't want too much competition for the food supply, after all. "But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like the Cullens, who don't hunt humans—" not regularly, anyway, "—can live together among humans for any length of time. There's only one other family like us that we know of, and they live in a small village in Alaska. For a while we all lived together, but soon they were too many to remain inconspicuous."
"And the others? The ones who do hunt humans?"
"Nomads, typically. We've all done it at some time or another. We run across the other family now and then, because most of us prefer the North."
"Why?" We were now parked outside her house.
I looked over at her, raising an eyebrow. "Were you there this afternoon? Walking down the street in southern California would gain me a lot of attention. We choose mostly sunless places for a reason." Because any other supernatural creatures would pee themselves from laughing so hard if they discovered that we sparkle. Like a disco ball. "It's nice to go outside in the day, when we can. Night gets old after eighty-some-odd years."
"Hence the legend about only coming out at night."
"Exactly."
"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?"
"No, and that's a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage."
Actually, that wasn't the total truth. The family has always suspected that the combination of having the visions and being in the mental facility drove her insane, and that that insanity carried over to her personality as a vampire. I mean, seriously, have you ever seen pictures or read about how they used to equip and run mental institutions? If you weren't crazy when you went in, you certainly would be inside of a month after staying in one of those. That would explain her moods of savage brutality—the insanity coming out for a brief visit.
Suddenly, her stomach growled. That was a relief, because I had nearly exhausted all my current stories of "the family Cullen."
"Sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner," I said softly.
"I'm fine, really."
"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget." That was true. Generally we stick with a mortal long enough for them to eat once—and then for us to eat once. And then the human doesn't need to eat anymore. Because they're dead.
I was struck by a mischievous thought. "May I come in?"
"Would you like to?" I guess she was feeling mischievous as well.
"Yes, if it's all right."
We walked up to the house, and before she could do anything, I unlocked the house ahead of her.
"Oh, the door was unlocked?"
"No, I used the key from under the eave."
She stepped inside, flicked on the light, and turned to look quizzically at me. She was sure she'd never shown me where that key was.
"Were you spying on me?"
"What else is there to do at night?" I said suggestively. I expected her to be morally outraged, especially at the implication I deliberately made. I was peeved and a little confused when she didn't really say anything about it. Eventually my mind drifted to what I would do later tonight.
She puttered about, getting some leftovers for dinner. "How often?"
"Hmm?" The question pulled me out of my reverie.
"How often did you come here?" And there's the question I was waiting for.
"I come here almost every night."
She whirled, an expression of horror and embarrassment on her face. "Why?!"
"You're interesting when you sleep. You talk."
"No," she groaned. I was enjoying making her uncomfortable. She was kinda cute that way.
I tried to look suitably contrite. "Are you very angry with me?"
"That depends!"
"On?" I asked after a few moments of silence.
"On what you heard!"
She was slowly moving toward hysteria, and I didn't want to have to deal with that, so I went over and gently took her hands.
"Please don't be upset," I said softly. "You miss your mother; you worry about her; when it rains, the sound makes you restless; you used to talk about home a lot, but not so often now."
"Anything else?" she demanded.
I wondered if I should try it. "You did say my name." I guess I decided I should.
She sighed. "A lot?"
"How much do you mean by 'a lot', exactly?" I teased.
"Oh no!" Now she was even more mortified. Then I could hear the car coming; it was still a ways off, but would be here soon. I didn't want to leave while she still felt like this; happy feelings only! Then I remembered something Alice told me: "Girls like hearing you say that you dream about them." Hmm. I'd already told her I don't dream.
I pulled her gently against me, and whispered in her ear. "Don't be so self-conscious. If I could dream, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it." Thank you, Alice!
Just then Bella heard the car coming up the drive, and saw the headlights in the window.
"Should your father know I'm here?" I asked.
"I'm not sure…"
"Another time then," I promised, then disappeared, as only vampires can.
"Edward!" she hissed.
I just laughed, and then hid myself away in her room.
____________________________________________________________
I lay on her bed in her room, mentally preparing myself for making love to Bella again tonight (in the old sense of the word, before "make love, not war"), similar to what we had done this afternoon. I thought back to my "training" session with Alice and Rosalie, and the uninvited guest. The concept that one could be driven to frenzy without any actual sexual contact—at all—was a foreign one to me. So the two girls volunteered to demonstrate to me how that could be so. We arranged a play time.
The Cullen house has a "rumpus room" in the basement, with all manner of accessories to get kinky with. The one we chose for this exercise was a platform set up against the wall. It had a thick soft pad, and chains bolted in the four corners, two bolted into the concrete foundation at the head, two bolted to the structure itself at the foot. In short, a bed equipped for bondage play.
I was dubious about the need for such equipment, but Alice made a very convincing argument: "Edward, you love this kind of play too much; you will not stay still like we need you to for this." So bondage it was. I lay patiently, naked, while they fixed my wrists and ankles into the padded manacles. They were padded because every so often one of us brought a human playmate down here that was into this. I became more than dubious when Rosalie whipped out a bandana and tied it over my eyes. "Hey, is this really necessary?"
"More fun for us," she replied.
"Very funny, Rosalie, take it off."
Silence.
"I'm not kidding, take it off. Alice, take off this blindfold, will ya?" I couldn't hear anybody in the room. "Alice? Rosalie?" I cast about for their mental "voices." They were no longer near me. "Is this some sick game you're playing?"
"I'm afraid they're not the ones playing, Edward," I heard just as I felt the subtle air displacement that meant someone had entered the room. CARLISLE?!
Immediately I began pulling at my bonds, straining against the heavy metal chains. I did NOT want to be bound and helpless like this before him, of all people! I could feel my muscles bunching, hear the grating of the metal scraping on the concrete foundation, and though some small cement particles did get ground out by the bolts from all my twisting, they held. These were, after all, designed to restrain vampires.
"What are you doing here, you sick bastard?"
His tone was slightly admonishing. "Edward, is that really any way to talk to your father? Especially when you're in such a vulnerable position…"
His implication sent me into another round of trying to break free. The chains had some give, but not nearly as much as I would have liked.
"Really, though, I'm here because I'm a much better person for this than either Alice or Rosalie."
I scowled, briefly wondering who had told him about this.
"Rosalie filled me in," he said, as if he could read my thoughts instead of the other way around. Well, usually the other way around. Right now Carlisle was concentrating on the song "O When the Saints Go Marching In." Few know it, but running a song continuously like that can be an effective deterrent against mind-readers. Damn him.
He circled the platform, still speaking. "The reason I decided I would be a better candidate is because this exercise requires that the one being teased have strong emotions aimed toward the one doing the teasing. You don't really have sufficiently strong emotions of any kind toward either one of them."
I spoke through my teeth. "And you're actually suggesting that I feel these things for you?"
"Well, not the like, love, or desire, but we have to work with what we've got, and those emotions are still plenty strong." He leaned down so his mouth was against my ear and whispered, "Shall we begin?"
My entire body stiffened with that last sentence. I had no idea what he was going to do. Suddenly I felt his finger slide up my foot, lightly skimming from my heel to my toes, tracing the arch of my foot. Then it was gone, and he was moving once again, and with my eyes covered all I could do was to wait for him to touch me again. It's not like I could do anything to stop him. I lay, tense and frustrated, wondering what new torture this was.
There he was again! This time, he ran his fingers over my collar bone, from right to left, even tracing over the hollow at the base of my throat. I tried to strain away from his touch, but I couldn't move far in these chains. He continued, I don't know for how long, but it seemed like hours. His touch varied between feather-light and blatant caressing, now pressing his hand against the span of my waist, now feeling my jaw, always keeping away from any body part that might be thought of as sexual.
Eventually I wanted that kind of touch. My body was aroused and getting desperate. The nerves on the surface of my skin were at a fever pitch, just waiting for his next touch. I was thrashing my head from side to side, barely able to silence the longing I wanted to express. He walked his fingers slowly down the center of my chest to my navel, and just when I thought he would touch—and then he lifted his hand away. He even climbed over me at one point, hovering just beyond where I would be able to physically feel him, but he still never touched me, even in that position. Finally, I really couldn't take it anymore. I started practically screaming. "Just finish it, Carlisle! Stop teasing me and finish it! Let me come!"
"Tch, tch, Edward, now that would defeat the purpose of this exercise." He ran his hand down my side, ending by drawing a circle around my hip bone. "The point of this is that it drives you crazy, with no orgasm at the end."
"Damn it, Carlisle, I get it, now end this, one way or the other, please!"
I could imagine him with closed eyes, basking in the confession I just gave. "You know how I love it when you beg. Okay. That's all for now." He walked away, leaving me chained to the platform, only one or two steps away from a massive orgasm. Oh, how I loathed him in that moment!
A couple hours later Rosalie came down and released me. "So, did you have fun with Carlisle?"
"We had a blast. Does the word "vengeance" mean anything to you?"
She laughed. "Is that a threat, dear brother?"
I glared at her when I removed the blindfold. "It's a promise."
She flashed me a saucy smile. "Mmm, I can't wait…"
_______________________________________________________
My flashback was interrupted by Bella entering her room. She ran to the window and threw it open, looking out into the night. "Edward?" she whispered.
"Yes?"
She jumped and whirled, putting her hand to her chest.
"Sorry."
"Just give me a minute to restart my heart."
I walked over and picked her up by her upper arms, then sat her on the bed beside me. "Why don't you sit with me for a while?"
She suddenly looked down at herself and thought about her current state—grimy, outside dirt all over—and said, "Can I have a minute to freshen up?"
"Certainly."
She ran out of the room and around the bathroom, brushing her teeth, showering, trying to 'pretty up' or something, and finally went downstairs—specifically to say good night to Charlie? That seemed a little odd and out of character for her. After saying good night, she raced up the stairs and into the bedroom, closing the door tightly behind her.
I took in her new appearance—damp hair, slightly worn sleeping shirt. "Nice," I said, a touch mockingly.
"Thanks," she replied sarcastically. She sat cross-legged beside me.
"What was all that downstairs for?"
"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out."
"Oh. Why?"
"Apparently, I look a little overexcited."
"Naaah." I lifted her chin, giving her face thorough once-over. "You look very warm, actually." Let the crazy-making begin! I leaned forward and laid my cheek next to hers, inciting a quick flush to her face. Her breath caught and became uneven. I could sense she wanted to ask some questions, but her mind had a hard time making anything coherent.
"It seems…easier for you to be close to me, now."
"Do you think so?" I moved my mouth down and back toward her ear, and lightly brushed back her hair. The sensation sent a slight shiver down her spine. She inhaled sharply when I kissed the hollow beneath her ear.
"Much, much easier," she breathed, when she could exhale again. "So I was wondering…"
She whimpered when I began tracing her collarbone, like Carlisle did with me, and she lost her train of thought.
"Why…why is that, do you think?"
Her tremulous question made me chuckle. "Mind over matter."
She pulled back suddenly, startling me. "Did I do something wrong?" I asked. No way!
"No—the opposite. You're driving me crazy."
I couldn't prevent the slow smile from creeping up. "Reeeally?"
"Ugh! Would you like a round of applause?"
"I just…never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with me…"
"But how can it be so easy now? Just this afternoon…"
"Well, it's not easy, per se, but once I'd decided that I was strong enough, that I could hold that part back…" See the poor, tortured vampire, Bella? Feel sorry for him! Tell him you want to be with him, remain with him!
"So you're totally in control now?"
"I told you, mind over matter. I'm still trying, though. If it gets to be too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave…And it will be harder tomorrow. I've grown desensitized from being around you all day. After I go, I'll have to start from scratch in the morning."
"Don't go away, then," she said impulsively. She could still feel the heat from my earlier caresses, and she wanted more, I could tell.
"That suits me. Bring on the shackles—I'm your prisoner." As I said it, though, I imprisoned her, encompassing her wrists with my hands. My unspoken threat lingered in the air. You can't escape me. I am stronger and faster than you could ever hope to be as a weak, puny human. The contradiction between action and speech prompted me to laugh—just a little.
"You seem more…optimistic than usual. I haven't seen you like this before," she said, trying to subtly remove her wrists from my grasp.
I didn't let go. "Isn't it supposed to be like this?" I played excited and boyish; she had to think this was all some kind of epiphany to me. "The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"
She nodded. "Very different. More forceful than I imagined."
"For example, jealousy. I've read about it, seen actors portray it in a thousand different ways. I thought I understood it clearly. Then…Do you remember the day Mike asked you to the dance?"
She nodded. "The day you started talking to me again."
"I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt. I was aggravated that I didn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. I knew I had no right to care; I tried not to care. Then the others started asking, and I couldn't deny the relief I felt when you refused them all. But I still wasn't sure."
I continued, weaving a lie through the truth as skillfully as I could. "That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, watching you sleep, between what I should do…and what I wanted. I knew that if I weren't here, if I just left, you would eventually say yes to Mike or someone like him. It made me angry; I felt like I couldn't allow that."
I began whispering, hoping to build tension. "And then, as you were sleeping, you said my name. The feeling that coursed through me—well, I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer. Jealousy is so much more powerful than I thought. And irrational! I mean, just the fact that Mike even asked you…"
"That made you jealous? Really?" She seemed practically dumbfounded. "Honestly, for that to bother you, after I learn that Rosalie—incarnation of beauty, Rosalie—was meant for you."
"There's no competition." I took her hands and wound them around my back, drawing her even closer to me.
"I know there's no competition. That's the problem," she mumbled.
"Of course Rosalie is physically beautiful, but she could never hold one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me. Ninety years I've walked the earth, all the time thinking I was complete, not realizing what I was seeking. I didn't find it, because you weren't alive yet."
She didn't move, looking pensive. "It hardly seems fair. I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"
I stroked her hair slowly, from roots to tips. "You're right, I should make this harder for you, definitely." Oh, Bella, you have no idea what I have in store for you…You won't get off easy at all. Suddenly I heard Charlie's footsteps coming down the hall. My body tensed.
"What—"
"Lie down!" I hissed at her. There were only a few seconds with which to make everything look normal. I swiftly hid in the closet while she dove under the quilt to make like she was sleeping.
He cracked the door open, peeking in to make sure his daughter was asleep as she was supposed to be. When he had closed the door and moved away down the hall, I slid out from my hiding place and curled my arm around her shoulders, putting my mouth close to her ear.
"You are a terrible actress. I'd say that career path is out for you."
"Darn it," she said sardonically.
I softly sang a German tune, playfully teasing her.
"What are you doing?"
"Singing you to sleep, of course."
"Right! Like I could sleep with you here!"
"You do it all the time."
"But I didn't know you were here!"
"Well, if you don't think you can sleep, then what do you want to do?" I said, as suggestively as I could.
Her teenage hormones offered a suggestion similar to "Jump his undead bones!" but she was still innocent enough to not suggest that this early on. She swallowed. "I'm not sure."
"Tell me when you decide." I began moving my mouth along her jaw again, almost—but not quite—kissing my way along.
"I've decided what I want to do," she said abruptly, and I knew my ministrations were driving her crazy again. "I want to hear more about you."
"Ask me anything."
"Why can you read minds? I mean, why only you? And Alice can see the future…how does that happen?"
"We don't really know. Carlisle believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. Alice must have had some precognition to begin with, as well."
"Then what kinds of abilities did the others bring?"
"Carlisle brought his…compassion." I almost choked out the word. "Carlisle" and "compassion" do not belong in the same sentence unless there's a negative as well. "Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie, her tenacity…or stubbornness, if you prefer.
"Jasper is interesting. He has very strong empathy, to the point that he can affect the emotions of the people around him, like calming a room of angry people, or start a mob from apathetic groups of people. It's a pretty subtle gift.
"Are you ready to sleep now? Or do you have more questions?"
"Only about a million or two."
"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…" And every one of those days I will be drawing you closer to me, so you need me, until you can't live without me.
"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning? You are mythical, after all."
"I won't leave you." Even if you ever want me to.
"One more then, tonight…" She blushed; I could feel it. I could also see why, and the reason begged for teasing.
"What is it?"
"No, forget it. I changed my mind."
"Please?" I put on my best puppy dog face.
"Well, you said that Rosalie and Emmett are 'together'…is that…the same as it is for humans?"
I laughed. Oh, it was so cute to see her so fluttered and embarrassed. Made my night. "Is that what you're getting at? I suppose it's similar. Most human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."
"Oh."
I looked sidelong at her, smiling. "Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?"
"Well, I did wonder, about you and me…someday…"
"That…would probably not be possible for us." Not until I turned you, anyway. "You are so soft, so fragile. I have to watch myself every moment so I don't hurt you. I could kill you easily, just by accident, Bella. I could reach out, intending to touch your face, and crush your skull. You don't realize how…breakable you are. I can never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you." I waited a moment for the full effect to hit her. "Are you scared?"
She considered for a moment. "No. I'm fine." You liar.
"I'm curious now. Have you ever…?"
She immediately blushed. "No! I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close!"
"I know that. But I also know love and lust don't always keep the same company." Boy, do I know that!
"They do for me. Now that they exist for me, that is."
"That's good. We have that one thing in common, at least." I almost choked on that one, too. I wished someone would gag me.
"So, do you find me attractive, in that way, at all?"
"I may no longer be human, but in that way I am still a man." In other words, given sufficient opportunity, I would bang your brains out, honey.
She yawned.
"I've answered your questions, now you should sleep." I was itching to get away, anyway.
"I'm not sure if I can sleep."
"Do you want me to leave?"
"No!" That's what I like to hear. I began singing the German tune again, crooning as if it were a lullaby. She drifted off to sleep, feeling safe all cradled in my arms. If only she knew the song I was singing. I saw an English adaptation once. Their translated version went like this:
Ruuun and catch
Ruuun and catch
The lamb is caught in the blackberry patch
Search and find
Search and find
The wolves will get what is left behind
If only I'd known how appropriate that song would be…
When I was sure she was deeply asleep, I went up to the roof to meet Alice. She had been feeding me those cheesy romantic lines pretty much since Bella walked into the room. There's no way I could have come up with that drivel on my own.
"I want to play now, Edward. You promised we could if I helped you out here."
"I only said we could if you promised that we would both have fun this time—not like when you and Rosalie bound me to the table."
"That was fun! Fine, but can I still use manacles and chains?" Her eyes were bright, eager.
"Only on the wrists this time."
"Fabulous." She smiled, displaying her now-pointy teeth. On anyone else they would probably be chompers, but on Alice they could only be teeth. I smiled back, and we ran off into the night together, making our way toward the "rumpus room."
No, I do NOT have a bondage fetish. I do have a slight chain fetish, though.
Gah! This was insanely long! So much flowery speech and fluff to sift through!
How did you like my "rumpus room" scene? All my regular reviewers seem to like my truly original stuff, so I think I might put it in as much as I can. It's more interesting than anything in Twilight, anyway.
Edward isn't really as much of a bully target as he appears, they all get it every once in a while. It's just that this is focusing on Edward and everything connected to his acquisition of Bella, so it looks like he gets the short end a lot. I promise it's not true, though.
Sorry, fans, but student teaching is really getting into gear now, so updates will be farther between. Maybe a week for shorter intervals.