*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated thank-you all so much.
About a month and a half later I was having some negative feelings about Ryan. She seemed to be so distant and in the last month we had made love a total of 3 times. THREE times! That's just crazy. I know we were told to cut back but only 3 times out of the last month was almost non-existent. It just seemed like she wasn't that interested. She was always too tired to have sex. I didn't know what was going on but I was slowly starting to see the same signs with Ryan that I had seen with Tessa when she started sleeping with Dave. Ryan couldn't have been cheating on me there was no way but I never expected it from Tessa either. There were just vibes that Ryan was giving off that made me wonder. I didn't even know how to address it. Things were just off between us lately. I really hoped that history wasn't repeating itself but it had a habit of doing that.
Later that day after Ryan was at work and Zola was at school my brother came over to talk since he was on vacation. "What's up, John?" he asked getting a beer out of the fridge.
"Nothing," I said getting a beer out as well.
"Bro, I know you. Something is up. What is it?"
"Nothing," I said opening my beer.
"Are you going to make me guess?"
"Nothing is wrong," I said. I didn't want to tell my brother about mine and Ryan's problems. I wanted us to look like a happy couple because I didn't want anyone to know of our struggles and we had a few. For one Ryan hadn't gotten pregnant yet and two Ryan didn't even want to sleep with me anymore so it seemed. I didn't want to drag my brother into the middle of our problems.
"John, do you think I'm stupid? I can read you like a book. I know when something is bothering you so out with it."
"Fine," I said taking a swig of my beer. "Ryan and me are just having some problems lately."
"Baby problems?"
"That's part of it. It's like every time we try nothing happens."
"I know the feeling. I went through it for years. It will happen for you though. It happened for us and we were blessed with Keegan. It was well worth the wait believe me."
"I'm sure it was but it's frustrating."
"I know," he said. "I've been there and then things get bad between you two right?"
"I guess you could say that," I said. Things weren't bad between us we just felt distant.
"So you two are fighting?"
"It's not that we're fighting it's just I feel like we're so distant. I just feel like maybe she's with someone else. I don't know."
"Why would you say that?" he asked.
"Because she never wants to make love anymore. This is how it started with Tessa. I can't let it happen again."
"John, I highly doubt Ryan is cheating on you. I think you're just reading too far into things."
"Then why doesn't she want to make love anymore? She says she's always tired."
"Maybe she is tired, John. Women get tired. That doesn't mean she's cheating on you. I think you're okay."
"I don't know. This is how it started with Tessa and then she was staying out all night. What if Ryan is cheating on me?"
"John, I assure you that she isn't cheating on you. Is she staying out all night?"
"No," I said. "She's just tired when she comes home from work."
"Is she working late?" he asked.
"No. She gets home at 5:30 like she usually does. It just seems weird."
"John, she's tired. She works from 8 in the morning till 5.. She's going to be tired. Just give her some time."
"You just don't understand. We used to have sex a lot now it's never happening. I think she's cheating on me."
"I think you're crazy," he said. "She is NOT cheating on you."
"So explain to me why we're so distant?"
"Because you two are trying to have a baby and it's not happening for you. You are going to feel some distance. It's a tough thing, John. If you allow that distance to come between you then you two are going to have more problems than not making a baby. You have to work together."
"I know but I just have a bad feeling about this," I said.
"Then maybe you should talk to Ryan about it because I am not the person to talk to you about it," he said as my cell phone rang.
"It's Ryan. Hold on."
"Okay," he said as I answered my phone.
"Hey, Babe," I said.
"Hey, Baby," she said.
"How is work?" I asked her.
"It's good but I actually have to stay a little later tonight."
I got a sick feeling in my stomach when she said this. My brother and me were just talking about this. It was starting. History was repeating itself. So not only were we not conceiving but she was having an affair while I played the fool again. My brother thought I was jumping the gun but maybe I was right. "How late?" I asked.
"Probably till about 9. I have to go fill in for someone at a high school basketball game. The guy that usually works the games his wife is in labor so they need me to go work the game."
"But what about dinner and Zola?"
"You can take Zola to dance class for me and you two can have pizza or something. I don't know, John, but I have to work."
"But that's so late. You can't get out of it?"
"No, John, it's my job. Did I ever ask you to get out of your job?"
"No," I said.
"Then don't ask me to get out of my job. I have to work so that's what I am going to do. I will be home later."
"All right," I said. I didn't understand why she was being so short with me. That's another thing that had been happening lately. She was so short with me and had very little patience. I didn't even know what to do anymore. Why was I always the fool? I just didn't understand it. Did I have a sign on my head that said cheat on me? "I guess I will see you later.. Around 9:30 I guess?"
"I don't know, John, I will get there when I get there okay?"
"All right. I love you," I said.
"I love you too. I have to go bye."
"Bye," I said after she had hung up the phone. I put the phone down and said, "Well."
"Well what?"
"Still think she's not cheating on me?"
"What happened?" he asked.
"She said she has to work till 9 because she has to fill in at some basketball game for some guy whose wife is in labor."
"So what? That doesn't mean anything."
"She was short with me and told me she would get here when she gets here. So tell me that she's not cheating on me."
"I think you're letting your past get to you," he said. "Not everyone is like Tessa.. They're not whores. And Ryan is not a whore. I think you need to stop worrying about what some chick did to you in the past. Not every woman is out there to hurt you. Just relax. Maybe she really does have to work."
"I don't know. There's just something that isn't right about the whole thing. This isn't Ryan. She would never choose work over Zola. There's no way she's working."
"John, I can't sit here and hear this anymore. I think you're being ridiculous and you just need to stop. Ryan loves you she isn't going to cheat on you."
"And I've been told that before and then two months later I find out my girlfriend is pregnant with another man's baby after sleeping with him for months. So don't tell me that. Tessa loved me too but she still slept with another man."
"John, obviously you're not going to listen to me so I'm not going to continue to wasting my breath. You're going to think what you want at the end of the day so it doesn't matter to me. I just think you're being stupid thinking that the woman you love and loves you is cheating on you. Sometimes things at work come up.. Big deal.. You get over it and move on but not you. You have to keep saying that your wife is having an affair. Think about how ridiculous you're being."
"I'm not being ridiculous."
"You are."
"We will see," I said.
"Okay," he said before taking a sip of his beer.
Later that night I ordered a pizza for Zola and me after dance class she took a shower and went to bed. I sat waiting for Ryan once the clock hit 9 but by the time 10:30 rolled around Ryan was still not home. I tried calling her on her cell phone but didn't get an answer. I wasn't sure if I should be worried or not. I was getting upset I know that much. I got even more upset when 11:30 rolled around. I never played basketball in high school but I knew a basketball game didn't last over 4 hours. I don't know what she was trying to pull. I tried calling her again and I got no answer. She finally came in around 1 in the morning and she was drunk off her ass. "Hey, Baby," she said stumbling into the house. "You didn't have to wait up."
"It's almost 1 in the morning and my wife is just getting home? Where the hell were you, Ryan?"
"Just relax, Baby," she said.
"No. Where were you?"
"John, just relax," she said taking off her shoes. "I was out….."
*A/N: So what did you think? Please review. And thank-you for taking hte time to read.