Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.
The Spacial Disaster! Shutaro, the Sufferer of the Universe!
Now, in the dystopic present of Tomobiki, Ataru and Lum stood together in the center of the park while Inaba drew a line of pink chalk around them.
"Inaba" Ataru began, "what's going on?"
"Simple" Inaba said as he finished the line. He put the chalk in his hat and then the hat upon his head, then turned to them with a smile and upwards-pointing finger. "I'm going to reset reality to repair the damage that's been done. As long as you stay inside the circle I drew, the after effects of such a huge move like memory loss and temporal displacement won't happen to you!"
"Good to know" Ataru said. Lum nodded and held herself tighter against his arm. The boys and Mr. Fujinami watched on from the treeline, unwanting to get mixed up in the rabbit's magic, and Benten watched from her bike with fresh bandages around her stomach. Inaba stepped inside the circle and spun around on his heels to face the same direction as Ataru and Lum, Northeast. He made several strange, martial-arts poses before finally throwing an open palm into the air and twisting it as if he were grabbing a knob. The world suddenly made a low hum as reality began warping in drastically strange ways. The ground began shaking outside the safe pink circle.
"What's going on?" Ataru demanded.
"Darling!" Lum replied, holding him tight. He held her back for the sake of safety.
"Hey Inaba!" Ataru shouted over the roar of the planet. "Are you trying to destroy the world or something? Stop the earthquakes!" Inaba stared up at the sky with his hands folded behind his back. After several moments of light swimming in the pools of his eyes he turned around with a totally innocent smile.
"In order for the previous reality to be restored" Inaba said "we must eliminate this one. So yes, in a way, I am ending the world." At that very cue the ground all around them started to open up. Buildings fell into an infinite, dark abyss. Fujinami danced around, avoiding the cracks for a while, but eventually the ground opened up beneath him and he was swallowed by the sea of black. Benten couldn't start her bike in time and was taken down by a falling boulder of rubble, falling down until and explosion from her bike blasted light up out of the darkness below. Inaba's smile made the whole scene seem even more surreal and creepy than it already was.
"Darling!" Lum shouted. "I'm scared!"
"I'm kicking your ass, Inaba!" Ataru shouted. He and Lum couldn't stand the pressure of watching their world be destroyed and they fell to their knees in a huddle.
"It's alright" Inaba said. The chaos and destruction reflected in the blue of his eyes as he watched it all happily. "Everything will be fine." Finally, in the ending stages of the world's deconstruction, the moon capsized in an invisible sea and form the sun came a huge, wooden door that approached the Earth. As it opened it revealed a dark, night sky scarce of clouds and slowly began to pass through what was once the Earth. Lum and Ataru were both crying out of panic, having never expected such a timid and witless young man like Inaba to be capable of Armageddon.
"We're just going down the rabbit hole and back up again" Inaba said. "It's all very...very simple..." Finally the group passed the threshold and the door was shut. The night sky turned out to be the same dim evening across from the golden sunset, both of which could be seen from the balcony that Ataru was stopped with a dead chill on. Lum had on a pink, lacy bra instead of her normal one, which was in Ataru's hand. They were in dire shock, unable to breath for a few moments, then a figure appeared. Inaba teleported in from sub-space and stood on the banister of Ataru's balcony, forcing him to the floor as he crawled away.
"And that's that!" Inaba cheerfully said. "Everything is right again! I've set time and space to just before you ruined both, so no damage has been done!" Ataru kicked Inaba in the stomach and Lum stomped on his head.
"What was the point of all that!?" she demanded.
"I had a heart attack" Ataru said with a quivering voice, then he broke out in a yell to say "YOU DAMN BUNNY! When you're about to end the world around your two friends, YOU TELL THEM!!!" Ataru delivered another swift smack to his blond head as Lum floated up and flipped around behind her Darling's back, defensively looking over his shoulder. Inaba got himself up and brushed off the damage.
"Sorry guys" Inaba apologized. "That was the only way, unfortunately. Now we're back to normal space, although I'll still need to iron out a few wrinkles here and there. Nothing major, just some minor alterations in spacial structure. You two can go about your business as usual. Ah, and Ataru, I'd suggest getting a map of sub-space multi-fate dimensions the next time you hide out there. It'll prevent further unfortunate happenings. Farewell!" Inaba leaped from the balcony and vanished in thin air, gone before Ataru could find him. His eyes were bugging, wide and red with dryness and mental exhaustion. When he turned back his eyes closed and only opened halfway while his eyebrows drifted up...
"Inaba is strange" Lum said.
"Most of our friends are" Ataru said. He noticed that Lum's bra was still in his hand, so he got up and crawled over to make things right again. Lum took the bra from him, turned around and put it back on. "Why can't I see them again?" Ataru asked.
"Can't you be satisfied for once?" Lum asked. "Darling, aren't you even tired from all that excitement?" Ataru's stomach growled loudly. He remembered that he barely got to eat anything in either time space frame. He chuckled when it stopped and look at Lum, who's stomach was also making noise.
"Let's get dinner" Ataru said.
"I'm hungry for rabbit stew" Lum said, obviously still angry at Inaba.
The white-suited boy realized, as he walked through an infinite darkness populated by the ticking, clicking mechanics of trans-dimensional clocks, that he only had so much time to repair his damage until he had to meet Shinobu for their arranged date.
"She'll get mad" he said "if I'm late. She tends to be very easily thrown into rage when it comes to dating...maybe she isn't really that right for me." Inaba stopped on the center of a dial just as the giant thing hit high noon. "No, I'm being ridiculous. Shinobu and I are a wonderful couple! I love her and she...well, from the test we accomplished together, I know she loves me. I can't give in to hopelessness! Even if there is no chance of victory in sight that doesn't mean it doesn't exist! What has Ataru taught me if not that it's never okay to give in!!!" Inaba ripped open a hole and poked his head through a notably loud problem area. He was in the Mendo home, perfectly orderly with men in black shades running around with trays of food and other necessities for the evening of their gracious master Shutaro.
"If I'm not mistaken" Inaba said as he steadies himself on solid ground, "this is where that Shutaro fellow lives. I think I know who to look for for signs of a spacial anomaly, then. Off I go!" Inaba jumped and leaped through the halls, apparently undetected by the staff as he nearly flew through the halls and when it suited him through the walls. He finally arrived at an outside area with a huge moat surrounding a small building where a smoke-stack let out constant steam.
"GYAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!" Shutaro screamed.
"Yes!" Inaba cheered. "Right on time!" Loud, stomping footsepes were heard as Mendo exited what appeared to be a private bathhouse. His men gathered in front of the door and waited for him to come out and reveal whatever trivial matter had made his cream.
"MOROBOSHI!" Mendo shouted to the heavens. "This is your fault, isn't it!? Only you would do something like this to meeeee!!!!" Mendo came out with long flowing hair, curvacious hips and a perky bust both covered by a Mendo-marked towel. He was a woman...again, and his guards fainted at the sight. Inaba held in his laughter and got into his workplace mindset. "He did this" Mendo growled. "I know he did! I'm positive he did it! He absolutely did this to me! Only Moroboshi's mind is so very wrong as to make this happen!!!" Even though his form was that of a cute girl, his voice was vicious and unchanged.
"Oh, brother?" Ryoko called. "I heard your distress! Have you fallen into the deep end of your tub? Or perhaps Mr. Moroboshi replaced the water in your faucet with soup?"
"Ryoko!!!" Shutaro shouted in panic. His guards were finally up and working again, forming a human circle around him...her.
"No worries, master" a guard said. "Your sister won't realize your condition anytime soon. Quickly! Get dressed!"
"Right" Shutaro agreed. He went into the bathhouse once more and locked the doors. Inaba floated on over and through the inattentive guards, then into the bathhouse itself where he accidentally caught a nose-bleeding glimpse of the female Shutaro changing into her underwear. Innocently she turned to him and covered her breasts with her arms, screaming a girlish, man-voiced "Kyaaa! A man!" Inaba's face met floor. After a brief explanation and the guards holding the Kuroko at bay long enough for Ryoko to get bored and leave, Shutaro was dressed in his normal attire with his hair back in a pony tail.
"So I was technically correct" Shutaro said. "This really is Morobohsi' fault! I must move out and punish him, and by punish I mean kill!"
"Now wait" Inaba pleaded. "I can fix this easily! Trust me!"
"Why should I trust you" Shutaro asked as he made for his sword "when you have admitted to aiding in Moroboshi's sins?" Mendo drew out her blade and aimed it at Inaba's face. Inaba didn't flinch. Mortal weapons didn't scare him the same as regular people. "Listen, blond-hair hare! Unless you want to become my evening soup I suggest you cure me posthaste and then speedily hop away!"
"I gladly will" Inaba said "if I can get one of the hairs from your sister's head." Mendo lost his balance and nearly fell over at the absurd request.
"What!?" he shouted. "Why do you need that?"
"I don't know" Inaba admitted, fully vaulting Shutaro to the floor. "I don't question the universe, honestly. I just work for it, and right now to fix this situation I need one of the hairs from her head or you'll be stuck like this forever."
"Forever you say?" Shutaro said with dread. Inaba nodded and Shutaro fell into the venomous trap that was the female mind of emotions. She became instantly sad and started crying, though the manly tone didn't leave her voice. "I suppose, like this, Miss Asuka would accept me, but what of Moroboshi and his wretched hands?"
Of course, this scene was reproduced in Mendo's Mind Theater, featuring Shutaro as a babe and Ataru as himself...
"Hey Mendo!" Ataru shouted as he ran forward with the face of a hungry wolf, "Why don't we hang out more!?"
"Get away!" Shutaro shouted in distress. "Moroboshi, don't touch me!" Ataru tackled him and began stripping him just off of Mendo's own camera vision.
"Don't be so unfamiliar" Ataru said. "We're practically brothers, aren't we!?"
"NOOOOOO!!!!!" Shutaro bellowed.
He came out of that nightmare on the verge of vomiting, but was able to gag it back into his throat in a painful lump and fell to the bathhouse floor.
"Inaba" Shutaro began weakly, "I think I have a plan...can you get one of my sister's school dresses from her room undetected?"
"I have a dress right here" Inaba said, pulling out an elegant rabbit-patterned sundress and pair of bunny ears.
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND!!!" Shutaro roared. Minutes later the gigantic estate doorbell, literally set high up in a bell tower with a myriad of octopus-marked bells, rang. Ryoko looked away from her current work, a clay doll of her brother with his own hairs set into it, and walked to the threshold of her room. A kuroko came to her feet obediently.
"Who is at the door?" She asked.
"A young girl" the kuroko reported "claiming to be here to see young master Mendo. She also states that she is from the same school as you, mistress."
"What?" Ryoko said in distress. What is this? A possible suitor, aiming to steal away my older brother? And he already has his own engagement to worry about! This poor young woman...I must take it upon myself to steer her away from the heartbreak of discovering this terrible turn of events!
"Kuroko A!" Ryoko commanded. "Bring that girl to me immediately!"
"Yes ma'am" he said. "Although, I am actually Kuroko 'L'" With ninja speed the man vanished, although in reality his comrade kuroko simply put a panel of speed lines in front of him and he walked away for the elevator. The kuroko traveled fast on a moped through the halls of the estate, stealthily avoiding the rest of the staff, while Inaba tracked him by passing through the walls.
So that's Mendo's plan Inaba said. He knows his sister so well! Shutaro waited down below in the living room with her hair up in a bun much like a traditional Japanese woman. He wore glasses and lipstick to completely conceal his appearance from the various guards and familiar staff of his own estate.
I hope this works Shutaro thought. I can't bear being like this for much longer.
"Excuse me" kuroko L said. "The Lady Ryoko wishes to speak with you before you meet the young master."
"Oh?" Shutaro said in an extremely falsetto, effeminate voice. Inaba ducked his head through the wall with a flat look on his face. "Whatever might she want with little old me?"
His acting Inaba thought is not as strong as Moroboshi's. He could convince me he is a girl, but Shutaro hasn't built on that particular skill quite yet...Still, I will stand by and wait for him to acquire a stray hair of his sister's so that I may fix this patch of damage in space/time. Shutaro boarded the moped, sitting side-saddle, and the kuroko sped off to deliver her to Ryoko's egregiously huge bedroom suite. It was across the entire front castle and through a delicate Japanese garden of beautiful flowers and a lake of playful Koi.
I'm glad to see this is all being so well maintained Shutaro said. I hope my precious octopi are getting along well without me. It's already past their feeding time...I can't possibly face them like this. I need to return to normal so they don't starve! Finally Shutaro arrived, was placed inside an old and rustic elevator, and brought up to the highest floor with the tallest ceiling to face his twisted sister.
"Please" Ryoko offered, sitting at a long tea table, "come in." Shutaro gulped, knowing some kind of peril awaited him, and began entering. On his first step he heard something snap and made an elegant, feminine combat roll away as a huge guillotine blade came crashing down.
Leave it to my sister Shutaro thought to try and kill a potential girlfriend of mine without a moment of hesitation.
"Please" Ryoko repeated, "take a seat. Any one you like." Shutaro knew her trick. He marched straight across the length of the table and sat next to Ryoko, who was quite surprised but kept it under a calm demeanor. "Why would you sit there? Doesn't it seem awfully familiar of you?" Inaba's face appeared in Ryoko's tea cup, warping and wiggling in the tea. Shutaro acknowledged it and looked up with a sickly sweet face at Ryoko.
"Oh, forgive me!" she said in an obviously fake voice. "I thought you wanted to talk with me, and with such great distance between us, neither of us would be able to carry on a conversation!"
How dare she catch on to me Ryoko scathed. No matter. Whatever her motives are, I will root them out...
HELP INABA! Shutaro shouted internally with an uncomfortable face. I'm begging you, I can't hold out much longer here!The meeting went on with an uncomfortable, eerie silence. Shutaro ignored the presence of the army of kuroko in the room hiding in all sorts of bizarre places and standing in plain sight, while Ryoko peacefully sipped from her cup of tea. Shutaro wanted to take a sip, but Inaba held up a sign for poison in the reflection of his cup, possibly warning that drinking would be a mistake.
"So" Ryoko finally began, clapping for her attendants to carry away the tea and snacks, "you wish to date my brother?"
"Oh of course!" Shutaro admitted bashfully. "That is to say, I've only seen him a few times coming and going from school, but he is ever so dashing and handsome! And I hear he is so very smart as well! I feel I'd make a perfect wife for such a man!"
"I'm sorry to say" Ryoko said "that my brother, while quite flighty, has decided that he wishes to remain with a certain strange woman from a rival family. It is a dangerous relationship for both our families but one that is assured to bring peace between our two families. So, you see, my brother cannot choose any other bride. He has no choice. He must marry that barbarous girl and suffer unimaginable pain for the rest of his life! At best, you'd make a housewife, destined to forever scrub his shoes until you die."
"Ah" Shutaro gasped. "Is that so? Is she really...that mean?" HOW DARE YOU, RYOKO! Asuka is nothing but the sweetest, most innocent girl in the world and mocking her strength shows nothing but your own jealously. I need to end this before I snap.
"Plus" Ryoko added "you're ugly. My brother doesn't lean towards ugly woman."
"What was that!?" Shutaro shouted in his normal voice, slamming the table. The kuroko all took a simultaneous step forward and forced a nervous chuckled out of Shutaro. "Oh, I'm sorry!" he apologized, equipping his female voice once more. "I, uh, perhaps you can arrange for me to meet him? Just once? If I can't marry him, perhaps I can just let him know my feelings and leave it at that..."
"What a naïve, foolish request" Ryoko mocked. "Very well." Shutaro sighed with relief and sat down. "Kuroko, spread out and find my brother! Spare no expense! Bring him back bound in iron cords if need be!"
"Yes, mistress!" the army shouted. They left through all manners of secret passage, slipping under the bed and disappearing, climbing up the walls and vanishing, all leaving the area while Shutaro and Ryoko remained alone. Ryoko began pacing towards the window to wait, while Shutaro moved for her dresser drawer and searched for one of her long, brown hairs.
I only have a moment Shutaro thought in a panic. Damn that rabbit-man! Why isn't he helping me!? Almost as he thought that Inaba appeared in the mirror and startled Mendo. Inaba pointed over to Ryoko at the window with her back and long, flowing hair turned. Mendo gulped at the consequences but realized he had no other option. He would have to simply pull one of her hairs and run away at top speed. Shutaro began daintily pacing over to Ryoko with his hands tensed and his face nervous beyond his muscular limits.
Oh, my poor dear brother Ryoko thought. If only he were strong enough to resist the temptations of that wicked girl, if only he could look Asuka in the eyes and reject her like I know he can, then he would be happy and I would be happy as well! I only want the best for him, after all. I love him so...
"OW!" Ryoko suddenly shouted. Shutaro was sprinting away at mach speed for the distant door with on long hair of his sister's in his hand. Ryoko turned with a pissed expression and snapped her fingers. The scenery of her room started moving and kuroko came out from nowhere. Shutaro dodged them and their prop weapons with the agility and athletic strength that had taken him so long to train and hone.
"Hahaha!" Shutaro laughed in his normal voice. "You are too trusting, Ryoko! Don't you know not to turn you back on a potential enemy!?"
"I know this" Ryoko said as metal bars fell down to lock Shutaro in the room just as he came close to the door. He turned around and saw the demonic energy gathering around his evil sister. "All women are enemies upon meeting. As a woman of the Mendo clan, it is my outright duty to dispatch my enemies and make them my enemies no more!"
"Why not try to make them your friends instead?" Shutaro asked.
"Too troublesome" Ryoko said as a velvet rope dropped from the ceiling just to her side. She grabbed it and smirked. "It's much easier, and fun for me, to hear them screaming..."
"Shutaro!" Inaba whispered. He phased up from the floor as Shutaro was paralyzed and grabbed him, pulling him through space and down several stories. A huge log came swinging down to smash Shutaro, but he escaped successfully, leaving Ryoko disheartened and slightly sad.
"Oh my" Ryoko sighed. "Another playmate gone..."
Shutaro woke up to a dark night sky. He sat up and rubbed his head, then felt at his familiar chest. Through some unknown means Inaba had repaired sub-space and Shutaro began cackling victoriously as he inspected the rest of his body.
"GUAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Shutaro laughed madly. "Take that, Moroboshi! I refuse to stay a woman! You hear me!? I AM A MAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!!" Shutaro shouted those words with a sundress and women's underwear on, but thankfully Inaba had delivered him into the furthest reachable depths of the Mendo estate so no one was around but the birds and wild animals to see his ironic declaration. Now that his job was done, Inaba stood before Shinobu's door not with a bunny costume but a bouquet of flowers. When the door opened he smiled and revealed the gift from behind his back. Shinobu was surprised at first, then she was joyful and smiled to accept the gift, holding the flowers close and smelling them.
Space is strange indeed, but sub-space tends to be that much stranger, and the flowers Inaba picked from there gave off the loving aroma of fresh-baked pastries. Their relationship tightened likes steel after that...