Heading in the Offward Way

Sorry it's been so long – I went on vacation, lol. Anyway, back to the story, hey? People make their plans to return to Sunnydale and Willow and Tara have to make a decision about their future.

"Do you think we should start heading in the offward way?" Buffy asked Faith as they dressed hurriedly.

"What?" Fred asked bemusedly, staring at them through the open door. "I think I need a translator around you lot," she added with a girlish giggle.

"B was just wonderin' whether we oughta be thinking about leavin'," Faith explained.
"Oh," Fred said, "okay. Well, I suppose you should get back to Sunnydale. See if Willow's okay."

"Yeah," Buffy murmured nervously. The idea of Faith nearly dying had scared the hell out of her, the idea of Fred taking over such immensely difficult spell casting made her shudder, the though of Angel never getting his soul back made her want to cry… but Willow? The thought of watching Willow become the Big Bad Veiny again? That chilled her to her very core. She hoped that the gang back in Sunnydale had cooled her down enough for Buffy to reason with her. And kick her ass up and down Revello drive.

"Babe, I don't think what Willow needs right now is for you to kick her ass," Faith crooned, stroking Buffy's hair.

"What, can you read minds now or something?" Buffy was rather taken aback at Faith's remark.

"No, but you get this look in your eyes, this 'come try me' look – you get it whenever you're mentally preparing for an ass-kicking."

"Oh," Buffy murmured. It was little things like that which made Buffy love Faith so damn much! The way Faith not only noticed, but also understood the little things about her. The little things that no-one, not even Angel, had ever spotted. She looked at Faith with shining eyes, "I love you."

"I love you too, Buffy."

"You shouldn't have stopped…" Willow's soft voice was dampened by the dust and wreckage still trembling in the room. "You should have killed me. I deserved it." She looked up at Tara's tear-streaked face, "do it," she whispered to the blonde witch, the blonde witch who'd always been in more control, always had more power… who'd never shown it because she knew her own power better that Willow had. Tara had been right, always. Tara knew… and she knew for a lot longer than Willow thought she did. Tara had known since the day with Glory, the first time they'd ever fought… it had been about magic. In the end, that's what their relationship had come down to. Every fight between them, every problem they'd had… their end, their beginning, Tara's death, Tara's resurrection. All of it. It all came back to magic. Magic – Tara was better, in every way. She'd never lost control, never let it consume her, destroy her. Willow had though… Willow had let the power destroy her life and ruin all the people around her. Even once she thought she had control… she realised that she didn't. Not really. And she never would. She felt hot tears spurt down her cheeks and she looked at the blonde witch before her once again and uttered three very simple words. "Tara, kill me."

On hearing the crashes and screams from the room above them, Xander and Anya had tried to rush upstairs, to help somehow. Oz had held them back though, telling them that it wasn't their fight… that Tara knew what she was doing.

"But Oz, Willow could kill her!"

Oz just looked up the stairs with a sad grimace.

"It's not Willow using the magics."

"Giles, how's Angel doing?" Buffy approached her watcher, supporting a still-limping Faith.

"He's doing fine. Still rather out of it, I'm afraid, but he'll be back to himself in a day or two, I'm sure."

Buffy nodded, placing a kiss on Faith's cheek – another silent thank you – before picking up her bag of supplies from the counter in the foyer of the Hyperion.

"We're going to head back to Sunnydale now, are you coming or staying?"

"I, er, I think it would be best if we were to head off now, yes." Giles nodded, looking slightly strained.
"What's up, Watcher? You're not lookin' exactly happy. C'mon! We beat the bad guys, always cause for a celebration right?"

"Ever the optimist, Faith," he chuckled, hugging her around the shoulders briefly.

"You're worrying about Willow?" Buffy asked.
"Aren't you?" Giles asked softly.

"Of course I am. She lost control Giles, completely and utterly. I thought she had gotten past that."

"We all did," he murmured, polishing his glasses.

"And Tara?"

"Has some difficult decisions to make." The Watcher stared off into space, a grave expression on his face.

"C'mon!" Faith said, almost with a laugh. "They're soulmates now, connection an' all! It's kinda hard to just up and leave."

"Tara has some difficult decisions to make," Giles repeated.

"You mean?" Buffy asked, open-mouthed.

"I wouldn't be completely shocked if she's done it already. And I'd be surprised if Willow hasn't asked."

"Tara couldn't…" Buffy said with a shake of her head.

"She has the power – more than enough. And she has the motivation. It isn't a good thought, but it would be a way for Tara to escape the more difficult decisions."

"Hold it!" Faith grabbed Buffy and Giles, pulling them around to face her. "You're not sayin' what I think you're sayin' are ya? T, kill red?"

Giles gave a grave nod.

"As if!" Faith just rolled her eyes. "Look, I may not have known her for as long as you guys, but I do know dangerous love. Hell, my lover here tried to kill me more than once – nearly succeeded too, might I add." Faith raised her shirt, indicating the thick, red, scar in her abdomen. "Don't mean I just walk straight up to B and without a 'may I' or wherewithal and gut her!" Faith shook her head. "I'm sorry, but you guys are wicked far off the mark. I know that I may not be the postergal for unblemished records, but I can tell you that it ain't an easy task to kill a human being. It hurts, in all kindsa different ways. It's not as easy as 'want, take, have'. It's wicked hard. Damn near impossible. It's never a spur-of-the moment decision." Faith looked up at them, her eyes teary, " Watcher, you couldn't bring yourself to kill Red after she tried to end the world. What makes you think that her lover could do it now?"

"Because love makes you do the whacky," Buffy murmured.

"No!" Tara cried immediately, feeling her hot tears spurting down her cheeks.

"Why not?" Willow said bitterly. "I killed you. Killed two others as well. Tried to end the world. Giles should have killed me when he had the chance."

Tara took Willow's dirt and blood smeared face in her hand. "I was there and I saw what you did, I saw it with my own two eyes. What makes you think that you deserve to die? That I have any right to kill you?"

"Because," Willow whispered through the lump in her throat. "I'm evil. Big, naughty evil." She looked at Tara's shocked face with shining eyes. "I'm evil, and evil things are supposed to be dead." She paused, looking at her bleeding arms. "If you don't do it, I will," she said quietly.

Tara grabbed Willow's face roughly, "Look at me Willow, really look at me." She held the red-head's face mere inches from her own, staring into the defeated eyes before her. "You are not evil."
"Yes I am!" The witch whispered. "I've killed, Tara. I've maimed and injured and killed… nearly took the world with me. If that isn't evil I don't know what is."

"Do you feel bad about it Willow? Do you feel remorse for the things you did?"

"Of course!" Willow cried. "That's not even a question! If I could take back everything I did, I would, in a heartbeat, no matter the sacrifice."

"Then you're not evil," Tara said simply.

"I am," Willow whispered through her thickly falling tears. "How can I not be?"

"Because if you were evil, you wouldn't feel bad about it Willow!" She stroked her thumb down a grimy cheek, placing a soft kiss on the skin. "I still love you, I never stopped."

"Tara…" she pulled away. "I can't… I can't be with you, be around you."

Tara's heart almost stopped in her chest, it felt broken. "Why?"

"Because I'm only going to hurt you… again." Willow stood shakily, stepping through the debris and looking through the shattered window at the dawn light.

"Willow, I'm not leaving. Not ever again. I promised you that the moment I came back, and I'm not breaking my promises. I'm going to help you, understand that all I want is for you to be happy, and eventually for us to be happy. Together. It will take time, but I never have and never will stop loving you baby."

Tara's endearment was enough. Willow cracked. She burst into body-shaking sobs, breaking down in shakes and shudders, her whole body aching with a need to be herself again… to have control of the power that Tara had always known and used so well.

"We'll leave tomorrow," Tara whispered, now leaning over Willow like a protective shell. "We'll go to England, stay with the coven. You'll learn and I'll be there, every step of the way. I'm not going anywhere Will."

"Never?" Willow looked up at her with red eyes.

"Never."

Yay! New chapter finally :D Sorry about the wait. Please please please let me know what you think? Thanks! Update uber-soon.