You are the hole in my head

You are the space in my bed

You are the silence in between

What I thought and what I said

You are the night-time fear

You are the morning when it's clear

When it's over your start

You're my head, you're my heart

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes

I never knew daylight could be so violent

A revelation in the light of day

You can choose what stays and what fades away

And I'd do anything to make you stay

No light, no light

Tell me what you want me to say

You want a revelation

You want to get it right

And it's a conversation

I just can't have tonight

No Light, No Light by Florence and the Machine

Chapter Fourteen- No Light, No Light

November 16th, 2007

Valerie was sitting at home, watching television while she waited for Happy to arrive. He had called to say that he was coming, he hadn't been around in over a month and Valerie was missing him.

"Ouch" she whispered as the baby kicked her, "Why do you insist on hurting mummy?"

At the sound of the door opening Valerue shot up, perhaps a bit too fast because the baby gave her another good kick.

She walked into the hallway to see Happy conning through the door. She rushed to him as fast as she could, which wasn't that fast since she was six months pregnant, and flung her arms around him.

"Hey baby" he said, kissing her, "Missed me"

"Not at all" she said

Happy smirked at her, leading her into the bedroom, "Are you sure?" He asked pulling them down onto the bed

"Positive"

"The kid giving you trouble" Happy asked

They were laying in bed, Happy had his hand stretched out across her large stomach, feeling the baby kicking.

"He kicks hard" she said, "Nothing I can't handle"

"He?" Happy asked, raising his eyebrows

"It's a boy" she said, smiling up at him, "I found out last week"

Happy looked down at her stomach, his face hard as his eyes bore into her. He moved his hand away, like he was angry at something.

"Kozik asked about you" he said, sitting up, facing away from her with his head in his hands, "Asked how you were"

"What did you say?" She asked, a worried tone on her voice

Valerie knew that Happy would never tell Kozik, not as long as she wanted it to be kept a secret. Besides, if Kozik knew he would be there by now.

"I didn't tell him if that's what you mean" he growled at her, getting up from the bed and starting to dress, "I can't do this anymore, I'm lying to my brothers face"

"I'm sorry that I'm forcing you to lie to him" she said, "But we can't tell him, you promised me you wouldn't"

"I know" he muttered, pulling on his shirt and cut

Happy pressed a kiss to her hair, walking to the door, only stopping when he heard his name being called.

"When will you be back?" She asked

"Don't know" he said, not looking back at her

"Are you coming back?" She asked, scared about what the answer would be

"Yeah" he said, looking at her, "Don't know when, but I'll be back"

That was the last thing he said before walking out the door; no goodbye, not a proper one anyway. Just a promise of his return.

November 22nd, 2007

Despite Lana's pleas Valerie had chosen not to return to Tacoma for Thanksgiving, half out of fear of Antonio, the other half out of fear of Kozik finding out that she was carrying his child.

Valerie was six months pregnant, so there was no way of hiding the pregnancy, and all it would take is one slip up of how many weeks she was for people to start asking questions.

Questions that would lead to the truth, which would inevitably cause drama and hurt for everyone involved.

So Valerie decided that they should go and visit Maria, who still didn't know about the pregnancy. She wasn't sure if she should tell Maria, it technically wasn't her grandchild, but her son had agreed to raise it.

Valerie had left it this long to tell her for fear of her reaction. The last time they had talked Maria had told Valerie to get away from Happy and the club, and yet now she was a pregnant Old Lady once again.

Happy had rode down while Valerie followed him in her car, giving her time to prepare herself, build up enough courage to face Maria.

But it also allowed doubts to fill her head, allowed her to consider turning around and heading back to San Diego.

By the time they got to the house Valerie was a bundle of nerves, barely able to get out of the car let alone face her sort-of mother-in-law.

"It'll be fine" said Happy, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, "C'mon"

Valerie sighed but let him lead her up the steps, holding her breath as he knocked on the door.

"Happy, it's good to-" started Maria but she froze as soon as she saw Valerie, her eyes flicking down to her large stomach

"Can you let us in?" Happy asked, "It's cold out here"

Maria didn't say anything, just moved out of the way and continued to stare at them as they walked in.

"Are you going to explain?" She said, coming out of her shock

Valerie much preferred the shock, Maria looked like she was a volcano that was about to erupt. And they where at risk of getting burned.

"I...um" Valerie started but was lost for words, the situation was hard to explain, even harder when she was so scared she almost forgot to breathe

"Why would you two think it's okay to not tell me about my grandchild?" She asked, "Happy, she's at least six months, why haven't you told me. I raised you better than this"

Maria started rambling but was interrupted by Happy.

"It ain't my kid"

It was just that simple statement tha almost pushed Valerie over the edge. She knew what she was doing was wrong. That no matter how much she tried to convince herself that the child was Happy's, it never would be, Kozik would always be his father.

Maria didn't say anything for a few moments, just stared at them, her eyes flicking between them. What she finally said shocked them both.

"Well at least at get grandchildren" she said, "Happy, there's beer in the outside fridge, go and get it"

Happy looked shocked but did as he was told, squeezing Valerie's arm before walking outside.

"The father, is it the same guy as last time?" Asked Maria

Valerie didn't say anything, just gave a feeble nod. She feared that if she spoke that tears would start pouring and they wouldn't stop.

"Happy must really love you" said Maria, "He's never wanted children, definitely didn't expect him to have his own let alone raise a brother's. What does the father think?"

"The father doesn't know" Valerie said, a single traitor tear making its way down her cheek

"Oh...honey" said Maria, pulling her into a hug, "I feel for you, but no matter what the situation is, the guy should at least know he's becoming a dad, he's got the right"

Valerie didn't say anything, just cried as Maria hugged her. By the time Happy returned with his beer Valerie had gotten control of herself and was helping Maria with the food.

The rest of the night went off without a hitch, they talked and laughed and Valerie enjoyed herself.

Valerie was sad to leave but promised Maria that they would be back, she would definitely be meeting her grandchild.

January 27th, 2008

Valerie was sitting on the couch, Sam was over with Joshua and her newborn daughter, Mackenzie.

"How are you feeling?" Sam asked her, rocking Mackenzie in her arms

"Fat" she said, "I just can't wait to get this baby out"

"What's going to happen?" she asked, "After the baby's born?"

"What do you mean?" Valerie asked, frowning in confusion

"Do you think Happy will cope with having a kid?" She asked, raising an eyebrow

"He hasn't left yet" Valerie said, shrugging

The thought had plagued her, doubts seeping into her head. She'd played the scenarios out in her head so many times, on nights when Happy wasn't there and she was feeling particularly lonely. Happy would hate her and her child, he would leave and wouldn't come back. And Valerie knew that if he left it would destroy her, she wouldn't be broken in a way that couldn't be fixed.

"He loves you, I'm sure of it, and I'm sure he'll love your son" she said, "But can he step up and be a father"

Before Valerie could respond she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen, they had been going on all day but this was the worst.

"I think I'm going into labour" Valerie told Sam

"Come on, I'll get the bags, you wait in the car" said Sam, getting up and rushing to the newly finished nursery

Sam came back, one arm carrying the bag the other carrying Mackenzie. Valerie walked out to the car, Sam following close behind her.

"Call Happy" said Valerie as Sam started driving to the hospital

"I will"

'With a secret like that, at some point the secret itself becomes irrelevant. The fact that you kept it does not.'

Sara Gruen

Do you think Kozik should find out and come with Happy? If so please tell me.