Ch. 14: Friends and Frost

Ice crystals formed on the outside of Tabatha's bay window. This December had been a cold one right from the start, and now two weeks in it was just getting more relentless. Tabatha was sitting on the window seat staring out into the bleak world of early winter. The brilliant colors of fall had given way to the cool dullness. The trees that once glowed red, orange and yellow, where now dark wooden fractures against the luminous gray sky. Tabatha closed her eyes and rested her head against the pane and listened to the unearthly sound of the wind rushing against the contours of the castle. Winter had a beauty all its own, a beauty that at times could be overlooked because of the harshness that coupled it. A beauty you had to work at to find, but Tabatha felt that anything you had to work for was much more precious than anything just handed to you.

Tabatha's thoughts returned to her room when she heard a knock on her bedroom door. She was quite aware of who it was, it had only ever been one person at her bedroom door the whole time she had been in Hogwarts

"Come in Severus" Tabatha called and looked back down at her book.

The door opened slowly and Severus entered the room politely.

"You know one of these days it may not be me, and then wont we look foolish" he walked towards her.

Tabatha thumbed the page over and glanced her eyes up to Severus in a playfully cocky gaze.

"Have you come here just to be cheeky with me sir?" She asked in a coy tone.

Severus smiled slightly, she was right. Tabatha was the only person in his life at this moment that made him feel that he could have any real personal dialog with someone and not feel completely awkward inside. Of course that didn't mean wasn't' still somewhat awkward. At this moment he was standing in front of her in his usual stack-ten-books-on-my-head-I-dare-you pose.

"Yes, of course, that's what I live for." He said flatly, but once again not being totally untruthful.

Tabatha smiled and closed the book. "I figured as much" then she stretched her hand out to the other side of the bench. "Why don't you sit down, you look far too patriarchal in that stance for my liking."

Severus slowly unfolded his arms; he really didn't want to remind Tabatha of a father, not in any shape of form. He then walked over to her and sat down, still rather stiffly.

Tabatha watched him for a moment and tried to figure out what he wanted, usually he was pretty direct.

"Severus, are you ok?" she pondered

Severus looked around a bit, then out the window, then back into the room.

"Yes, I'm fine I just wanted to see how you were." Again he looked around the room with his eyes, "I had finished up grading the last assignment a bit ago and since I haven't seen you since breakfast I just" he licked his lips again "I just wanted to see how you were".

Tabatha watched for a minute then the dawn of realization hit her. He missed her, he missed her and he had no idea how to say that with in his normal behavior. Tabatha face smiled warmly back and she closed the book, sat up and brought both legs under her

"Well, I will admit I'm very glad to see you." Her eyes smiled warmly, "I haven't had any time to really talk to you lately since I've had my studying to do and you've had lots of assignments and exams to grade this past week, and I must admit I've missed my best friend." She reached her hand out and gasped his.

Severus stared at her nodding, she was tell him just what he wanted to tell her but couldn't. He had been thinking about her all week as well, and every time their paths crossed he had wished he could just spend time talking to her, about anything really.

Severus looked down at her hand on his. He loved her touch, it was warm and caring. Severus wanted to turn his hand over and take hers in his, he wanted to run his thumb lightly over her palm, and he wanted to show her some concrete form of affection, but he couldn't.

He was afraid, afraid of any rejection she might hurl at him. His heart held only woman in his life, well until now, and in the end she wanted nothing to do with him. He was afraid it would happen again, he expected it would happen again, he deserved it would happen again. Severus gulped and tried to pull his hand away but Tabatha moved towards him, sitting herself closer to him.

Tabatha had noticed the look of confusion and maybe a bit of fear on his face. She didn't want him to be afraid to close to her, in fact she found it very comforting to be so close to him. Looking over she saw that she was close enough to him that her eyes had to glance upwards a bit and Severus couldn't help but look deeply in them.

"Will you be leaving for Christmas?" She asked him

"W..what"? Severus said half returning to the conversation.

"Will you be going home for Christmas?" She asked again

"Oh" he shook his head in recognition. "I suppose, I normally do that is"

"Oh I see" Tabatha smiled, but it was halfhearted and weak

Severus could not recall ever seeing this expression on her face before, was this disappointment? But why would she be disappointed?

"Tabatha, what's wrong?" Severus cocked his head and peered into her eyes.

"It's nothing Sev, I'm just being silly" she laughed a very fake laugh.

Severus could feel it was far from nothing, he could tell that for some reason his leaving for Christmas was causing her pain.

At that moment Severus heart started to beat hard. She didn't want him to go. Did she really want him to stay, so much that the idea of him not being here would make her outwardly sad? Was he really that wanted?

"Tabs", he said softly "Would you like me to stay here with you?"

Tabatha breathed in hard and smiled "No Sev of course not, I was just being a bit selfish. I had no right getting upset over it Christmas is a time to be with family. I guess I'm just being down because well I don't have any family"

"I don't have any family either Tabatha" Severus looked down "My parents died a long time ago, and I was never close to anyone else in my family.

"I'm very sorry Severus" Tabatha squeezed his hand

Severus looked over at her and gave her a boyish smile, "I guess were both orphans in a way."

Tabatha leaned her head onto Severus shoulder "In a way I guess, but at least we have each other right?"

Severus closed his eyes "Merlin he hoped so." He said to himself.

"I would like to stay here with you for Christmas" his voice was low and soft and his chest started to tighten when he felt the soft bush of Tabatha's thumb against his wrist. She was doing just what he wished he could.

"I would love that Sev" her soft eyes looked up at him.

Severus chest tighten even more and the light rub of her thumb was starting to affect him on many levels. He was only inches away from her full lips he could just reach his head down and…..

"SPLAT"

A rouge snowball hit the window causing both of them to jump. Severus was glad something had stopped whatever interaction might have taken place; he was being foolish, he didn't want to lose her; he would try his hardest to make sure nothing came between them that might cause her to reject him. Not even himself.

Tabatha started giggling "well I guess winter is officially here".

Severus was quite happy that Tabatha didn't seem to notice his shift from her.

"So what should we do this Holiday then?" Severus now composed again asked

"Well I was hoping to decorate my room a bit; I would love a tree in here." Tabatha looked around the room. "I think Christmas is my favorite time of year".

"You don't remember where you were born, but you know your favorite holiday?" Severus asked mischievously

Tabatha stuck her tongue out at him "You think your funny don't you." She laughed

"Hilarious actually" he said in his most monotoned voice.

Tabatha laughed then pondered for a moment "I was also wondering if you would work with me on my spells too."

Severus glared at her. He himself could spend hours contently working on some problem or another, but most people didn't share his love of knowledge to that level. Most people saw the delicate yet gratifying fine tuning of the mind, boring. But evidently she didn't, on her break she wanted to work on spells, she was so different from other people, and He was quite glad of that.

"Tabatha that sounds a perfect Holiday to me" Severus smiled, and for the first time in very long time he was actually looking forward to the Christmas Holiday.