Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot and any unrecognizable characters.
Well, this chapter is a little short but I'm almost done with the next one and it shall be longer.
Lots of Lily's angst in this chapter, but I swear there's a point to it!
There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds
Laurell K. Hamilton
I stared at him, hurt and anger washing over me and for once, I didn't give a damn that the spell was weakening.
My mother, the woman who I had grown up learning that she had loved me with all her heart, from my father, and that she had despised me, from my brother, had willingly traded my life.
I closed my eyes, my hands reaching up to my head before my nails began to dig into my scalp, though the blossoming pain wasn't enough to distract me from the pain of my heart nearly being ripped in two.
I hunched over, curling into myself and, in the process, I managed to topple myself off the branch we were on. I simply closed my eyes as the ground came closer, limply falling until arms caught me and I continued to numbly stare at the ground.
"Lily." Pan shook me in his arms lightly, though I continued to stare with blank eyes, my mind going over what he'd sad, how my mother had knowingly traded her life for her daughter's. The fact that my mother hadn't had children until much later in her life suddenly made sense, as well as her sudden sickness and subsequent death so soon after my birth.
"Lily." Pan repeated my name, his tone harsher than before and I finally turned my head towards him, heated green clashing with dull blue. "What's wrong?"
In the back of my mind, I railed about his lack of tact but, as my mind and body seemed oddly detached, I simply stared blankly at him.
He tried several more times to get me to respond, even kissing me but I didn't react, not even to push him away.
He gae up and the next thing I knew, I was being handed off to a disgruntled looking Rufio, who had snapped his mouth shut at the sight of my blank, lifeless stare.
"What's wrong with her?" The boy holding me asked, adjusting me slightly even as I remained limp in his arms.
Pan simply sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before he sent me another unreadable look, though I was too lost in my grief to even attempt to decipher his expression.
"It's nothing." He turned to walk away, leaving me with one of his lost boys. "She'll be fine."
I begged to differ.
I sat at the shore of the small lake, a bow by my side and I sighed deeply, putting more weight on my knees as I watched the sun peek over the treetops.
I'd been on Neverland for five months and also four of them were spent in this, for lack of better word, fog. Ever since Pan had told me about the deal my mother had made, how she had pretty much sold her unborn daughter just to live longer.
She clearly hadn't known too much about magic when she'd made her bargain if she had willingly promised that she would live until she had a daughter. The Shadow had told me the exact words of the deal it had made with my mother and I wanted to wail at the top of my lungs about how much of an absolute idiot my own mother had been.
Nevermind that she'd been fourteen at the time, but anyone with sense should have been able to tell that when you promise a life for a life, death is generally the final result.
Which would explain why, if my last memory of my mother was correct, she seemed to be torn between clutching me to her as she died or pushing me away from her. She'd given me her necklace and embraced me but, soon after that she'd ordered me to be taken from the room and she'd died minutes after.
I sighed again before I picked up the discarded bow, pulling the quiver over my shoulder again and turned away from the water.
I'd promised an extremely worried Bae that I'd be back after sunrise, though I'd also promised to try and find him a deer or something, which hadn't worked out well as I wasn't in the mood to shoot things with an arrow.
Hunting with magic wasn't very effective as I usually ended up burning the animal to a crisp.
I sighed again, making my way back to Bae's hideout when I stopped and turned around to meet Felix's eyes.
We stared blankly at each other and after several minutes ticked by, Felix sighed deeply and pushed off the tree he'd been leaning on, making his way towards me.
"Lily." I continued staring at him, not even caring enough that he began to shift uncomfortably under my scrutiny. He cleared his throat before he shifted again, clearly not wanting to say anything to me but, after a few seconds, he spoke.
"When are you coming back to the camp?" His lips twisted into a frown when I didn't respond. I simply shifted the bow to hook it over my arm before I crossed my arms over my chest.
"Who said I was." His frown deepened at my monotone response, his eyebrow twisting up in annoyance.
"Pan's been looking for you." I turned around, having heard enough for the day. Felix and Rufio had both been giving me space, the latter less than the former but the last time I'd seen Rufio, he'd brought me the bow and arrows I currently had.
'Something to occupy your mind.' He'd offered with a cheeky smirk that I couldn't bring myself to respond to. Rufio had also promised to try and keep the rest of their group away from me, and apart from Felix, I hadn't seen another soul except Bae for over a week now.
"Let him look." I snapped, though my words lacked heat.
I'd been numb for the past few months, though this numbness was far different from the spell I'd been under for the last eight years.
I felt detached from everything, my head cloudy and heavy. After Pan had handed me off to Rufio all those months ago, the lost boy had set me down and let me leave camp, were I headed straight to Bae.
Some days I didn't leave the cave, unwilling to even really move as I thought over the implications of what my mother had done, of what it could mean for how she truly felt about me because I had, technically, been the cause of her death.
Had she not given birth to me, she would probably still be alive.
All I felt was emptiness at the fact that my brother might have been telling the truth about my mother's feelings about me. To know that I had been the cause of my mother's death was heartbreaking, or as heartbreaking as possible when one still had a spell specifically blocking the effects of emotions on the heart.
Being completely disconnected from emotions wasn't new to me. However, being disconnected from everything was new territory that I found I didn't mind with each passing day.
"Lily, what did he do?" I blinked at the fierceness in Felix's voice and looked up at him, my brow twisting in confusion.
"What?" He moved closer and gently caught my shoulder with one hand, while I stared up at him like he was going crazy. "Are you mad?"
"No," he shot me a glare that lacked heat. "But, did Pan do or say anything to you?"
"What do you care?" I asked, mildly curious as to why he randomly decided that he wanted to somewhat care about why I was acting the way I was. "Pan's your leader, so I doubt you'd do anything even if he did do anything."
He shook his head, removing his hand from my shoulder and holding onto his belt, his eyes unreadable.
"You're a part of our group, Lily." I shook my head in denial, trying to ignore him as he continued. "Whether you like it or not, you're our Princess Tiger Lily."
"Princess." I gave him a deadpan stare, hating that title more than any other name I'd been given over the years. He simply shrugged in an uncaring way, a small smirk appearing on the side of his mouth.
"Not my idea." He pacified, unfazed by my blank stare. He turned to go, stopping just as he reached the trees and turning to face me again.
"You are missed." An amused smirk slid across his face. "And not just by us."
I turned around, not wanting to listen to any more he had to say, though his last words caused me to freeze despite myself.
"Pan misses his Tiger Lily."
As Always, please review!
brook330: Well I'm glad I could help! Thanks for the review.
Belle166: Don't worry about it, I wasn't offended :)
Guest: I'm glad you love it! I hope this update was fast enough!
GingerGeekGal1796: I'm glad! And that is still being determined. I'll be skipping ahead by months within the next chapter or two, so I'm still trying to figure out how long this story is going to end up. Welcome and thank you for reviewing :)
Songbook12: Possessive Peter is so much fun to write ;) And thanks!
Emily: I'm so very glad I could help. You are quite welcome and thank you.