Fourteen.
My relationship with Lavi had changed over the months, for the better though. After the trip we took, things had still been strange between us for a while. Mostly because of Lavi, I had seriously started to wonder if he was bi polar for awhile. He'd go between being completely clingy to being totally withdrawn and completely depressing. One night he would be all over me, the next he would crush me against him not saying anything, then he'd disappear for a few days which drove me insane. Then he'd show up again and the whole cycle would start all over again.
Mostly Lavi was paranoid I'd figured out. Sometimes he'd freak out right in the middle of while we were doing certain things. It really got on my nerves and then we would start to argue, which was also annoying. We would always end up arguing over stupid shit that wasn't even relevant to how the argument started. We'd swear and hurt each other with words, and at the end of it Lavi would leave, or, we would some how end up making out. Occasional I would chase after him, usually in the middle of the night. Sometimes he'd come back, usually when I was hiding under the bed, unfortunately. After that we'd often yell at each other, again, sometimes cry, and then there was silence between us. And then after that it was usually Lavi that broke down first. No matter what I said he still somehow believed that I didn't really know what I was doing… which of course was insulting, which ended up with us arguing more.
It was a long and hard road, but we always somehow made it work… kind of. It wasn't exactly perfect, and there was a lot of arguing, but at the end of it all, the arguing didn't matter. There were a few other things to deal with as well. One of which was Cross walking in on us in the middle of certain things. It was awkward, of course, and let's just say there is no subtle way to remove your mouth from another males chest. Especially when he didn't have a shirt on, his trousers were unbuttoned, and we just so happened to be on the couch, otherwise known as Cross' second bed. We weren't thinking when we decided to go at it on the couch, just caught up in the moment. So we really shouldn't have been so surprised when Cross walked through the door.
What was more surprising was Cross' reaction which was;
"I don't care what you two do together, I just don't want to see it."
And then he stomped off to his actually room and slammed the door shut. About a minute later we were back at it. There was no point in stopping at that point.
Except two minutes later Cross charged back out again and loudly proclaimed.
"When I said I don't care what you two do I was lying! This," He said, waving his arms at us at the couch, "This is alright, but if I find the brat limping I'm going to kick your arse so hard that his limp will look like a skip through the daisies."
If that wasn't bad enough, Lavi then came out with.
"Hey, hey, hey, we haven't reached that point in our relationship, and we haven't decided who will top who yet!"
At which point Cross and Lavi started to argue about who was the giver and who was the taker, and I went to my room to attempt to suffocate myself with a pillow.
Something else I discovered a few weeks into our official relationship was just how much Lavi had been holding himself back. I thought what we had already done was pretty intense. Then Lavi came over one day and showed me what he was really capable of. I think that main reason was I just wasn't expecting it. I'd been lying in bed, reading, Lavi jumped through the window, like he did. I got as far as saying,
"Hey, Lavi."
The next thing I knew he was all over me. I don't know exactly how he did it but after what felt like hours we both reached a peak and I was left lying on the bed completely dazed. I couldn't do anything other then stare at the ceiling with my mouth hanging open. Lavi just fell asleep on my bed, slumped against the edge and about to fall off any second. I had to force myself to get up and get dressed again. I was still in a bit of a daze but my mouth was so dry, after all the work it went through and the amount of gaping I did after wards. So I got myself dressed, a little sloppily and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water.
I stumbled a bit on the way, still totally out of it. Entering the kitchen I found Cross leaning his head against the wall. Where his head was there was a small crack in the wall. I just shrugged thinking he was drunk again, and grabbed a glass out of the cupboard. When the cupboard slammed shut, the sound causing Cross to jump and turn around. He stared at me, then glared.
"What?" I asked.
He shook his head, a totally mortified expression on his face. As he continued to stare at me I finally realised that he must have heard ever little thing we had done. I knew from personal experience just how thin the walls were in the house. I felt a little embarrassed, but the look on Cross' face was hilarious. So I decided to make him cringe a little.
"Well," I said, as I leaned back against the kitchen counter, "Now you know how I feel."
He continued to gape and just shake his head.
"And I guess," I said pushing myself away from the counter and walking away, "I now know how you feel."
Yep, that had been a good day.
It wasn't long after that, that Lavi finally stopped freaking out so much.
Things at school had been better too. Almost everyone had gone back to coldly ignoring me, even Tosspot seemed to be leaving me alone. I'd even managed to pass most of my classes even with all the days I'd missed. I'd failed Math's though, but that didn't bother me, I didn't see Maths in my future, other than the basics. Lenalee and I had seemed to become actual friends, which was nice. I hadn't had a real friend for a long time. Lavi I don't think counted since there was always something underlying. Yet it was nice having someone to talk to, to just bitch and moan to.
Of course all good things had to come to an end.
It started with Lavi jumping through my window at a truly ridiculous hour. He shook me awake and I looked around me, noticing that it was still dark out.
"Lavi," I groaned, "Its too early."
I went to lay back down, but Lavi had other ideas.
"Allen," he said desperately, grabbing my arms and shaking me fully awake, "Wake up, common get up."
"What, Lavi?!" I yelled. I got really irritated when I got woken up before I actually wanted to.
"Listen Allen, I have to leave for a while, a week, maybe two, maybe even longer," he said, sounding rushed and a little panicked.
"What?" I asked, finally sitting up and looking at him.
"Look, I couldn't sleep. So I went for a walk and then… Well, I saw… some… thing, and well I have to go, I just wanted to tell you. I really have to go now."
He was starting to freak me out, he was so panicked and edgy, constantly looking around as if someone was watching him.
"Wait…What?" I asked, my sleep heavy mind still trying to comprehend what exactly what was going on.
"I'm sorry, I'll be back as soon as I can," he said quickly.
He leaned down and pecked my lips quickly, and just as quickly turned and jumped out the window. I struggled out of bed and ran to the window, but by the time I reached it I could tell that Lavi was long gone.
From there it just went down hill.
Of course I couldn't sit still after Lavi's impromptu visit, so I sat up for hours, pacing my room. I eventually exited my room and made myself a large breakfast. With nothing better to do after eating breakfast, I showered, dressed for school and left. Since I was so early I didn't come across anybody in the streets, except for a few earlier birds. When I arrived at school I sat down on a random bench and just waited for school to start.
When that got boring I started to wander around the school grounds trying to pass the time as best as I could. Slowly teachers started to show up, along with a few students who obviously had nothing better to do like myself. When I noticed the lights to the library were on and that the doors were open, I decided to spend a little time in the library catching up. Bookman still refused to let me check out any book of any kind. Because of this I was spending a large amount of time in the library during my lunch breaks and after school. I always wrote down the page and chapter number during classes so I could run to the library and look them up, occasionally if I had a few quid on me I'd pay to have the pages photo copied. Since I had nothing better to do I entered the library.
Entering the library the first person I saw was Bookman. He noticed me and immediately sent a scowl my way. I walked up to the front desk and felt a moment of pride at the fact that I was actually taller than someone. The added bonus was that he was older than me… yay!
"Hey, Bookman," I said, trying to hide my emotions from appearing on my face.
"Walker," he said icily.
"I know I've already asked, but, is there any chance I can hire out any text books?"
"Considering, Mr Walker, that the last time I hired you books, they returned to me soaked in urine… I'd say no."
"Come on Bookman, It's not like I did it too them."
"They were still under your care when it happened."
"But," I started.
"No buts," Bookman cut in, "I will not allow you to hire out anymore books for the rest of the school year."
"So… Next year is alright then?"
"No."
"But you just said,"
"No."
"But,"
"No!"
"Fine!"
I went to turn away, but someone else came to mind.
"Hey Bookman, everything aside… Do you know why Lavi up and left this morning?"
His glare, if possible, deepened.
"No," he said, a terrifying edge to his voice.
I knew better than to push, so I backed away carefully and ran to the back of the library where the text books were lined up. He was shorter than me, and about a thousand years older, but he could be scary, really, scary.
The text books were all jammed into one far corner of the library. Lined up so thick and so compacted that barely any light shone into the area. The windows were blocked and for some reason the fluorescent lights just didn't seem bright enough. I had gotten use to it over the weeks I'd been forced to study in the library. I found I preferred to just sit on the floor surrounded by the books, instead of sitting myself at a table next to someone that most likely didn't like me.
I grabbed down a Maths text book and sat down on the floor, setting myself up. I pulled out my notes and my pencil case, and got to work reviewing the last few chapters. Studying this way was hard, and annoying, but I seemed to be making it work, more or less.
The time passed by slowly, but I could hear the sounds of other people arriving at school. I could hear screaming and shouting, the sounds of some people playing a game of cricket. It was beginning to become distracting and I didn't need any more distractions when it came to Maths. The shit was seriously starting to do my head in, I was starting to find it hard to figure out why exactly I would need to find the hidden angle of a triangle in life. Would I be walking down the street one day when suddenly a triangle jumps out with a gun demanding me to find it's hidden angle? Then again the poor triangle had probably lived its whole life not know who it was. Constantly knowing there was a part of it missing, unable to figure out what it was. The thought then drove it to the brink of insanity, forcing it to take drastic measures and hold people up. Hoping that someone out there would be able to answer the question of what it was, and what was missing. And with that thought I decided it was time to put Maths away for a while before I went completely insane.
i shoved all my notes back in my bag and then slammed the text book shut. I put the book back in its place and sat back down, wondering what I should move on to next. I had some Music theory to look over, plus I had a five thousand word English essay to write. I was almost finished with the essay so I figured I'd focus on it for a while and try and get the whole thing over and done with. Then I would just have to read over it a hundred times, and type it out. It annoyed me that I had to hand in assignments typed out, and I could't just hand write it. Cross was too stingy to buy a computer so I had to type up all my assignments in the library. Also I had to pay to have them printed out, it was only ten cents a page, but the whole thing was annoying. Why couldn't I print them out for free? So stupid!
Pushing the thoughts aside, I took out my essay and started to read over what I had already written. I was half way through it when I felt the presents of someone else. Looking up I had to suppress a groan of annoyance. What the hell was Tosspot doing in the library? It's not like he ever used it, and there was no way that he knew I was in there. Why was he bothering me now? He'd left me alone for months. And why the hell was he just standing there and staring at me? It was freaking me out.
I let out a sigh and shoved my notes back in my bag while standing to leave. I didn't say anything to him just went to leave. As I went to pass by him, he changed his position to stand right in front of me. When I tried to move around him the other way he did it again.
"Listen, Tosser," I said, raising my hands in surrender, "I'm really not in the mood."
He didn't say anything, deciding to go for a physical response instead. He grabbed me by the wrists and before I knew what was going on, he had slammed me back against the shelving. I let out a hiss of pain as I felt one of the shelves dig painfully into the small of my back, another against my shoulder.
"What the fuck!" I yelled out, a little too loud for the library.
I didn't know what I had done to set him off this time, but the Tosspot was near shaking with anger. His grip on my wrists was painfully tight, his hands were grinding my wrist so hard I could feel them rubbing the bone. For good measure he pulled me forward again, using the momentum to slam me back again. I cringed in pain again screwing my eyes shut. He did it a few more times before stopping, going back to holding my wrists in a vice like grip that was slowly making my hands go numb. I opened my eyes slowly, fully prepared to be slammed again. When I opened my eyes, Alma's face was uncomfortable close, his eyes searching me. He was angry, he usually was when he looked at me, but this time seemed so much worse.
The gaze he threw at me now was something else. It was pure, unhinged, hatred. I don't know what I had done to step it up a notch, but the look I was getting was enough to scare me, and the Tosspot had never succeeded in scaring me before. His eyes continued to search me and when he took a step further forward I became truly scared. What was he going to do? Tear my throat out with his teeth?
"What's going on here?" a cold and level voice said.
I moved my head to look over Alma's shoulder and saw Bookman standing at the end of the aisle, his hands clasped behind his back. Tosspot turned his head slightly too, taking in the sight of Bookman. When he turned to look, his grip loosened slightly on my wrists and I took the opportunity. I yanked myself out of his grip and shoved his aside, running as soon as I was free. I pushed passed Bookman making him shout after me something indistinguishable that I couldn't understand. I burst out the front door and ran down the ramp, skidding to holt when I reached the end. I'd left my bag behind, crap, I really didn't need to deal with another piss soaked bag. I'd just have to hid and wait for Tosspot to leave, from a safe location, and go grab it. Only problem being, Alma ran out the library door while I was thinking. He set eyes on me and started to run towards me.
"Shit," I breathed, turning and running for it.
I was headed for a crowded area and didn't want to be slowed down by people, so I changed my course and went to run up behind the library. I took a moment to look behind me to see that Tosspot was close behind me, a very scary expression on his face. I pushed forward and ran into someone falling to the ground in a heap. I'd run into a small cricket match and had managed to crash into one of the batters. I didn't stop to apologise, but simple got up, grabbing the abandoned bat, and started to run again. I took another glance behind me to see that Tosspot was now dangerously close because of the fall I took.
I forced my legs to run faster and headed towards the school hall. There was never anyone behind the hall.
I sprinted as hard as I could, putting a good bit of distance between Tosspot and I. Skidding around the corner of the hall, I stopped and held the bat tightly in my hands, raising it up more like a baseball bat. I heard his slapping feet approaching faster and closer. Tightening my grip on the bat, I mentally prepared myself for what was I was about to do. When Tosspot rounded the corner and caught sit of me he skidded to a halt, the momentum keeping him moving forward. I swung the bat, originally meaning to hit him in the head, but as that could easily kill someone, I changed the direction of the swing. I swung the bat lower and smashed the bat against his stomach. I didn't hit him as hard as I could have, I didn't want to break anything or hurt him too bad. I just wanted him to fuck off and leave me alone.
I was surprised at the sound the bat made hitting someone else's stomach. It was a loud and solid slapping sounds. Might I just say that there is no better British revenge than to hit someone with a Cricket bat, I felt a jab of nationalistic pride.
He fell to the ground and gripped at his stomach, gasping for breath. I didn't think I had hit him that hard. As it turns out it wasn't hard enough because he started to get up, that deadly look back in his eyes. I wouldn't give him the chance, so I raised the bat again, bringing it down on his back. Then again as I hit him in the thigh. As I said I didn't want to hurt him too bad, just enough so he wouldn't chase me as I ran away. I managed to do enough because this time he stayed on the ground groaning. I let out a few shaky breaths, and ran my hand through my hair. I was just a little bit shaken, I think if I hadn't stopped him that time I would have been in some serious trouble. There was something about that look he had the proper scared me.
Turning away from Tosspot to make my escape, my right cheek crunched and flared in pain as a fist connected to it. I fell back, landing across Alma's legs. I shrugged myself off and held my hand to my cheek, trying to figure out where the punch had come from. What I found was Kanda glaring down at me as he brought a cigarette to his lips. I guess that meant that the back of the hall was where Kanda went to have a smoke. My luck, as it turned out was just that shit. I tired to push myself up, even though my head pounded, only to have Kanda press his foot to my chest and push me back down.
I tried in vain to push his leg off my chest, but as it turned out his leg was made of pure steel and impossible to move. He just pushed down harder and flicked his cigarette away. That didn't stop me from struggling thought. Yet all I managed to accomplish was scraping and skining palms. I had to watch as Alma pushed himself up and picked up the bat that had fallen from my grip. I started to struggle even more when I saw him with the bat, I knew he wouldn't be as gentle with me as I was with him. Of course it was impossible because of Kanda's god damn foot that was just pressing down further.
"Have your fun, Allen?" Alma wheezed, shuffling towards me.
I got to watch helplessly as he raised the bat in a two hand grip above his head. I squirmed, desperate to get away, until the bat came down, smacking against my stomach. My breath left me and I knew for sure he had hit me a lot harder. Kanda's foot finally left my chest, allowing me to roll to my side and hold my aching stomach. It wasn't long before I felt another hit to my back, exactly where I had hit Tosspot. It was closely followed by a hit to my thigh.
"We're even now," I heard him say.
I rolled to my back and looked up at him. Even my arse, he had hit me twice as hard as I had hit him.
"Fuck you," I gasped.
"You wish, faggot," he said with a smile.
He raised the bat again, and swung it down. I lifted an arm up to protect myself, the wrong thing to do. I should have rolled myself out of the way, kicked him to try and prevent the swing. Something other than raise my arm. As a result that bat smashed against my arm, and I knew it was't anything superficial. It fucking hurt, it really fucking hurt. It was kind of glad that I raised my arm, other wise the bat would have hit my head. And there was no way I would be okay if that bat had hit my head. That didn't stop the hit from almost killing me with pain. Unfortunately it only got worse as Alma raised the bat to hit me again.
I curled into a ball, trying to minimise the area of damage. He swung the bat down again but as the bat came down I was saved from another hit by something truly unexpected.
Kanda's hand was gripping Alma's arm tightly, his arm muscles bulging as he held back the blow. A silent war started up between then as they glared at one another, both of them struggling physically against the other. I didn't stick around to see who won. I struggled to my feet, and as soon as I could manage, I started to leg it. I ran out from behind the hall and went straight for the front gate. There was no way I was staying is school with the way Tosspot was acting.
I booked it out of school and ran up the semi secluded street, occasionally bumping into a stray student. It was close to first period, so thankfully there were only a few students left walking to school. I managed to collide with only a few people, one of them Lenalee, who I told I would explain everything later when I wasn't running for my life. I didn't look back the whole time, but I risked a glance when I reached the main drag. Unfortunately there was Tosspot, running after me, Kanda close on his heels.
"Shit," I breathed in the same way for the second time that day.
I ran up the main street, this time dodging the towns people. I brushed passed them, the majority of them yelling insults and warnings after me. I chanced another look and saw that the two of them were still close behind me. I pushed ahead, feeling completely drained. Reaching the Supermarket I ran into a sudden crowd of people, as big as a crowd got in this town. Shuffling through the crowd, being jabbed and prodded every which way, I saw an opportunity. Using the crowd to my advantage I ran down the small alley between the supermarket and the bakery. I looked behind me again, relieved to find that no one was chasing after me. Unfortunately the second I took to look back caused my foot to hit… something. I don't know what I hit all I know is that I hit it hard and it made me fall to the ground.
I cringed in pain, clutching my throbbing arm to my chest.
"Fuck," I hissed softly.
"You alright?" someone said from above me.
Looking up, I laid eyes on someone I'd never seen before, which was saying something considering how small the town was.
"Hey, you alright?" he asked again.
"Yeah," I said with a wince, pushing myself up one handed, "I'm fine."
Looking around I took in the back of the supermarket. I had reached the end of the alley and come out where the skips sat, a few metres from where the car park began. I knew I didn't have the strength to walk away, so I staggered over to sit against the skips, using the metal lumps to hide myself from everyone.
"What's up?" the stranger asked, plopping down to sit beside me.
"Oh, the usual, running for my life," I said, letting about a pathetic laugh.
"School?" he asked.
"Pretty much," I sighed, finally catching my breath.
One good thing about constantly being chased and harassed was that I had good stamina and recovering quickly.
"Bullies?"
"Pretty much," I said again, finally looking up to take him it.
As much as I tried I could place his face. I didn't know him, and I'd seen everyone in the entire town at least twice. He did look familiar though, his skin tone and the shape of his face looked strangely familiar. My best guess was that he was related to someone in the town. Who thought I had no idea.
"What's their beef with you?" he asked, leaning back against the skip, a little too close to me. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of smokes, shaking one out and shoving it in his mouth, "Would you like one?" he asked offering me the packet.
"Thanks," I said taking one.
We lit up and leaned against the skip, trying to get as comfortable as one could when leaning against a hunk of metal.
"So," the man said, blowing out a plume of smoke, "Why're you bullied?"
I shrugged, feeling a jolt of pain running down my arm. I was started to think it was pretty bad.
"A number of reasons I guess. I look funny, I'm not from here… my guardian sleeps with every woman he can get his hands on, oh, and everyone thinks I'm gay and seems to think that's a good enough reason to kick the shit out of me," I spat bitterly, taking a draw from the cigarette.
"Are you?" he asked.
"Am I what?"
"Gay?"
I didn't know how to answer that. I didn't think I was gay, not really, just for Lavi. Sure the man sitting next to me was attractive, I could tell that much, but I didn't feel any attraction to him. I didn't feel any attraction to anyone but Lavi. I had to think, it was a hard questing to answer.
"Well, um," I stumbled, trying to think of the best way to say it.
"You don't have to worry, I wont judge you."
"Yeah, sure," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.
"I'm serious. You don't have to worry about me, I'm gay myself."
"What?"
"Since the day I was born, I never had to questing myself. I knew instantly. So anyway, are you?"
"Um," I hesitated, what to say, "I'm not… 'gay' per se, I just so happen to be in a relationship… with another male… not that any one knows about it. Oh my god," I almost yelled, turning and gripping the mans sleeve, "Please don't tell anyone, I haven't told anyone, if anyone knows I'll be killed."
"Calm down," he said with a laugh, "Who am I going to tell?"
"I dunno," I said, shrugging again, "Everyone… Not like it matters because everyone already thinks it."
"You know at times like this, you need to get either drunk or stoned."
"I wish I could get drunk right now, hell," I scoffed, "I wish I could get stoned right now."
Not like I had ever been stoned before, but from what I'd heard from movies, books and in a small way from Lavi, getting stoned was what I needed right now.
"Do you want to?"
"Want to what?" I asked, having no idea what he was replying.
"Get stoned? I've got a joint right here."
Now I had to really stop and think. I'd said it mostly as a joke, never really expecting him to have a joint on him. But now what was I going to do? I couldn't really back down and say no, after all I'd said I wanted to get stoned. Yet I had no experience with it, but I really didn't want him to know that. I didn't want him to know just how inexperienced I was with the drug.
"W-what?" I managed to stutter, "Here? Now?"
Of course not!" he scoffed. He stood up and brushed himself off, " Not here, I know a place. So are you in?"
He leaned down and offered his hand to me. On one hand there was something I had never tried before that I was, admittedly, interested in. On the other hand, there was a slightly creepy stranger, offering me a drug I was almost completely naive about. Weighing up the options, and considering the pain I was feeling, I was leaning more towards the first hand. After all, Marijuana was used for medicinal purposes these days. Which when I thought about it was strange because it was a drug that was inhaled, causing smoke, which was bad for your lungs. But it wasn't like I'd ever really looked the drug up, maybe weed didn't hurt your lungs. Wait, what the hell would I know? I don't know anything! Which was why I said;
"Okay," and grabbed his hand, letting him haul me up.
He smiled and I found it just a tad creepy. I knew it was mainly because he was a stranger, but there was something else under the surface, something that made me believe he truly was creepy.
"This way," he said, making to walk down the same alley I had run down only minutes before.
"Um, I'd like to just wait a bit," I mumbled, thinking about how Alma and Kanda were probably still running around out there.
"Were not going far," he said with a smile that was meant to be reassuring, "Just across the road."
'What the hell?" I thought.
I followed him up the alley. He exited without a care in the world, I couldn't help but glance around the corner, making sure I could't see either of those bastards. When I didn't see either of them I ran after the man, who had simply crossed the road and was now waiting for me, leaning against the outer wall of the bank. I ran to catch up to him, glancing over my shoulder ever few seconds. So I was paranoid, so what? The shit I had to go through was enough to make anyone paranoid. When I finally caught up to him, he walked down the side of the bank, with myself following closely. We reached the back of the bank and I felt a pang of nostalgia. I had once stood at that exact spot with Lavi. The two of us and a bottle of rum, another time months ago when I was trying to drown my own pain. Another time when I knew Lavi was in pain himself but I was so focused on my own. I felt guilty thinking back, I was so caught up in my own world that I didn't think about him. Things were different now, I knew that, it didn't stop me feeling guilty though.
"Back here," the man called, disappearing into the boarder of the trees.
I took a deep breath and followed after him. We walked into the thick crop of trees that boarded the eastern side of the town. We didn't walk too far, the man stopping inside a small cluster of trees that made a ring. There was a small bit of open space and he sat down in it, leaning back against a tree.
"Take a seat," he said patting the ground next to him.
I sat down, but not directly next to him. He laughed at me and started to shuffle around in his pockets.
"I'm not going to bite you or anything," he said, but I doubted him, he looked like the kind of guy that would bite someone.
"Here we are," he said, pulling a long, white joint from his pocket.
He stuck it in his mouth and pulled a lighter from his pocket. He lit it up and inhaled deeply, I fidgeted with the edge of my sleeve. It was frayed and dirty, I needed a new shirt.
"Here," he said, holding in his breath.
He passed the joint to me, and I took it carefully. What the hell was I suppose to do with it? Was there some special way to smoke it? Or did I just smoke it like a regular cigarette?
"Don't just stare at it," the man said, "You're letting it go to waste."
"Oh, sorry," I mumbled, looking at the joint again. I really didn't know which way to go about it, so I kept looking at it.
"Well?" he said.
"Oh right," I said, shuffling to sit up straighter.
I watched the smoke curl from the end of the thing until it went out. I sat staring at the cooling bud feeling like the biggest idiot in the world.
"You've never smoked before have you?" he asked. I wasn't looking at him, but I could tell he was smirking at me.
"Give it here."
I held the dead thing out, too embarrassed to turn and look at him. I heard a lighter spin and then the smell of strange smelling smoke filled the air again.
"I'll give you a shot gun if you want," he said, "It'll be easier on you since you've never had this before."
"What's a shot gun?" I asked quietly, turning to looking at him.
"Come here," he said, waving his hand.
I shuffled a little closer, but stopped still about two feet away from him. He laughed at me and shuffled over himself, closing the distance between us until our thighs touched. I visibly tensed and he laughed again.
"Just remember to keep calm," he said, sticking the joint in his mouth again.
He inhaled deeply, his hand dropping down as he held the breath in. I watched his face closely. He didn't appear to be doing anything, just letting the smoke sit in his chest. I was starting to think he would pass out from lack of breath when he raised his hand and grabbed me by the back of the neck. He drew me forward, pressing his face close to mine. I panicked at the proximity and gasped when I felt his lips brush against mine. When I gasped, he let out the smoke he had inhaled. I breathed the smoke in unconsciously, not even realising until I felt the harsh smoke start to scratch at my throat. I chocked and the smoke caught in my throat, causing a coughing fit.
"I told you to keep calm," he said, letting me go and leaning back again.
I would have liked to have told him to get fucked, but I was too busy chocking to death on the smoke. I felt the intensity of my glare lessen as my head started to feel light. I wanted to keep glaring at him but it was just so damn difficult, there was way too much effort involved in glaring. The glare slipped from my face and I let my body fall back against the trunk of a tree. My whole body felt so much lighter and my finger tips were tingly like pins and needles. I felt strange, but I wasn't feeling any pain anymore. I became very acutely aware of the feeling of my tongue running along the roof of my mouth and the sensation of swallowing.
I couldn't believe how quickly the drug had affected me. It was almost instant. I started to wonder why I had spent so many nights drinking when I could have been smoking. It was so much easier.
"Hey, you alright?" the man asked me.
"Huh, yeah," I said, swinging my head around to look at him.
"You look alright," he said with a laugh.
"Yeah, I'm good," I managed to force out. I had to focus on my words unless they came out in the wrong order. It really felt like the words would come out in the wrong order if I didn't focus really hard on them.
"Do you want some more?"
"Um," I had to concentrate, really hard, "Yeah, I do, just a little, teensy bit," I said, holding my thumb and forefinger up an inch apart to indicate 'teensy'.
I saw him smirk and he brought the joint up to take another drew. He held it in and then the same as before, he grabbed me by the back of the neck and drew me forward. Since I knew what he was doing this time around I didn't freak out as much. It was still weird though, I mean the guy was breathing down my throat, literally. Our lips brushed again but this time he let them linger. The very tip of his top lip resting against mine. I tried to pull away but his hand held me in place, rubbing our lips even further. He blew the smoke out and this time I inhaled instead of freaking out. I was close to freaking out though, very close. I let the smoke trickle down my throat and burn it's way down to my lungs.
When he was down I held the smoke in like I had seen him do. I pushed him away and he let me go. Leaning back against the tree trunk again, I held the smoke in as long as I could before letting it out.
"More?" he asked.
Not only was I noticing every movement of my tongue and throat, I was now very conscious of my jaw. I had to move it and click it about, it felt so interesting, and necessary.
"No thanks," I muttered, trying to move my jaw about even more.
I felt even heavier and my vision was like I was a CCTV camera that only recorded one-second stills. Everything was choppy and waving my hand in front of my face because a great source of entertainment for me. I could feel how fast my hand was moving, but I could only witness it in choppy movements. And I felt good, I felt so relaxed. The pain in my arm and the rest of my body had dulled down to something non-existent. I felt good, and everything around me looked so interesting.
I didn't know how I had never noticed the different colours of a Paper Bark Tree before. Or how green leaves could be so many different shades of green. Of how the dead leaves on the ground could be so many different shades of brown. My eye's focused on one particular leaf, and I just had to reach forward and pick it up. It looked so fascinating that I had to inspect it up close. Bringing the leaf up to my face I was so glad I had picked it up. Looking at it closer I could see the tiny lines in the leaf. Like tiny little veins spreading throughout the whole thing. There was one long vein running up the leaf and every other vein and tiny line came from that one line. It was almost like there was a whole miniature tree right inside that leaf, spreading it's branches out and growing everywhere.
"I have to show Lavi this," I mumbled, still holding the leaf up to my eye.
"What was that?" the man asked.
I kept looking at the leaf for a full two minutes before I remembered to reply.
"Huh, what? I don't know what I said."
He laughed at me and I started up with him. I didn't laugh too long, I had a leaf to look at.
"This is fascinating," I breathed, still looking at the leaf.
"So, do you feel good now?"
"I feel… very good. I mean really good. . . I feel good."
He laughed at me again and I withheld the urge to laugh along with him. The leaf was fascinating, and as fascinating as it was, I glimpsed a leaf across from me that looked a lot more interesting. I mean it wasn't dead, it was a bright, somewhat grey, green. I pressed my hand to the ground and tried my hardest to stand up. Unfortunately all of my limbs, bare the hand pushing me up, were refusing to function as they should. I wanted so much to get up but every time I tried my feet slid out when trying to get a grip. I continued to try and push my feet up under me, but they kept on refusing me. They kept sliding out to lay limply on the ground.
"Stupid legs," I mumbled, and then let out a laugh.
"What to get up?" he asked, standing with an ease that made me jealous.
"Yeah, there is this leaf over there," I pointe vaguely, "I really want to look at."
"Here," he said, holding his hand out to help me up.
I took his hand and I was hauled to my feet faster than my head could process. The world went back to being a one-second frame camera as I steady.
"What?" I managed to mumble.
"You feel good yeah?" he whispered, wrapping one arm around my chest and another around my waist.
"Y-yeah?" I said, realising just how much I could feel his arms around me. I was starting to feel uncomfortable.
"Want to know what else feels good?" he whispered, his lips brushing against my neck.
I shivered and rested my hands on his arms, meaning to grip them and pull them away. Instead he pulled me closer to him, my back pressing against his chest.
"It feels good," he said, still whispering.
His fingers began to move slightly, brushing my chest and my waist.
"Don't," I whimpered, feeling scared.
"It's okay," he said, pressing his lips to my neck in a kiss, "It feels good, I promise."
He held me tighter and I didn't like the way his hands moved even further.
"No."
Here's the thing, I know this chapter is messy and most likely full of mistakes, but at the moment I kind of don't give a shit.
Why?
This was my past week:
I went out the other night with two of my friends, while walking home we got jumped by two guys and got the crap beaten out of us, woopey. (the whole time it happened I was strangely thinking 'This is great material I can use while writing').
Then two days later, I got a $200 fine for littering. I flicked a cigarette butt on the street and bam. I've learnt my lesson though, I am never littering again. Also I got my gas, electricity and internet bill all on the same day, this all adds up to about $470 which I can't afford to pay, because today, I got fired.
Now I totally deserved to get fired, I did some bad shit at work, I don't really regret doing it, but in hindsight, I really shouldn't have told a customer to get fucked and then yell at my boss.
Yep… I'm screwed.
So I hope you can forgive all the mistakes this chapter will be littered with.
A bit of a shame because this and the next two chapters are really important.
I hope this is also a valid enough excuse for why I wont be replying to reviews. I think from now on I'll just PM replies if something important needs to be said.
I will give one honourable mention though:
DarkEnvisions: I'm really sorry for making you 'fake' a heart attack. I'll make it up to you I promise.
Well good bye all, can you all collectively hope my life gets better and I don't have to move back in with my mother…. *shudders*