I'm not quite sure how to explain everything that was running through my head that day, nor can I really explain how those thoughts and feelings changed over the next few weeks. I was very indifferent to the world around me. I did what was expected at the bare minimum and just went through the day on auto pilot. I felt a little out of control of my own life. But I didn't know how I felt about my own life—how was I supposed to control it if I wasn't even in it?

There is a certain point in a person's life where they contemplate their purpose of existence. This was the time that I contemplated mine. While the people around me spread more rumors, humiliated me with jokes, curses, and pranks, and even harassed me, I considered what life would be with out them and Hogwarts—how much easier everything would be if I wasn't around this mess. It was in the few weeks after the release of my picture that I considered going back to America. I wanted to get away from this life that I had literally been dragged into.

"Voldemort would have found you," said Gabriel. "Like he did when your Mother died, and he would have killed you."

I blinked at Gabriel as he sat in one of the spare chairs of Dumbledore's office. He had come up to Hogwarts to see how I was doing. It had been a month since I had seen him last. He had arrived at the right moment to stop a Ravenclaw sixth year from cursing me with a Bat-Boogey Curse. I was thankful for that. I didn't like the idea of my own snot forming a bat and attacking me in the face.

Sirius had not been happy when Gabriel stopped the sixth year. He had argued (as usual) that I would have been able to take care of myself—or he would have. We didn't need Gabriel's help. In response, Gabriel said it wasn't up to Sirius or me if he helped us. It was now the Minister's and Dumbledore's wish that Gabriel watch over me. Before Sirius could steer me away, Gabriel asked me to accompany him to Dumbledore's office.

And there I found myself, sitting across from Gabriel as he lectured me and pried out my deepest thoughts with Legilimency.

"I wish you'd leave me alone," I whispered putting my cup of tea down on the desk. Gabriel raised his eyebrows at me.

"Leave you alone? I think you need someone to pry and poke at you."

"Well I don't want you to be the one prying and poking."

"Too bad," he said softly. He was staring at me as a silence spread in the room. Slowly, he leaned forward in his chair and looked at me very seriously. "Cadence," he whispered my name so softly I felt my heart melt a little. And when I looked at his dark eyes it melted even more. I wished at that moment that he would hold me and be my safe haven. Maybe then all the pain would go away.

"Yes?" I whispered back looking at him seriously.

"Why aren't you fighting?"

I adjusted my position in the chair and looked at Gabriel with raised eyebrows.

"What do you mean?"

"Well," he said leaning back. "You didn't look like you were going to defend yourself against that sixth year downstairs at all. And you're hardly one to let a man say he'll protect you, even if it's Sirius."

I frowned. Gabriel hadn't entered my mind to find out that I wasn't fighting back. He had noticed it just from stopping the one fight downstairs.

"I don't know," I whispered looking to Dumbledore's desk. I could feel his eyes on me. He wasn't trying to enter my head, he was just looking at me. "I don't see anything worth fighting over."

"Defending yourself?" Gabriel suggested. "I think that's pretty serious stuff, Cadence. Why have you given up?"

"I don't know."

Gabriel stood up quickly and his chair fell out from under him with a loud crashing sound. Fawks jumped off his perch and swooped high into the office, landing on a high windowsill. I jumped in my chair from the sudden movement and sound and looked at Gabriel with some surprise.

"Why are you so upset?"

"Because you're letting people walk all over you," he said harshly pacing back to his chair and picking it up. "It's been a month since that picture and article were printed and you're not fighting back against it."

"What's the point?"

"Because keeping your secret is imperative," said Gabriel as he began to pace more towards the fireplace. "Don't you see, Cadence that this is what your Father was hoping for? You'd give up and fade away into the distance and then he wouldn't have to worry about you."

"I thought the point of all this was to keep media attention on me so no one notices what he's up to," I said.

"That's some of it," Gabriel said. "But he's destroying you, and you're just letting him!"

"What would you have me do?" I snapped violently as my hands began to shake with anger.

"Defend yourself and not let people accuse you of being a Death Eater!"

"People aren't doing—"

"Dumbledore wrote me about how some of the other girls asked to be switched out of your dorm, and how your bed mysteriously light on fire one day after dinner. He's written me about the messages that have been sent to you from other students telling you to go back home to your Father. Don't think I haven't heard about the sick jokes people are playing on you—leaving hippogriff shit in your bed, sending you Hollowers, and other hate mail. Cadence, you're letting it all happen. You could have stopped that sixth year in a heart beat—hell you could have killed him!"

"And ended up in detention," I said sharply with glaring eyes. "Or Azkaban….no thank you, Gabriel."

"What is wrong with you?" he yelled at me.

"NOTHING!" I screamed jumping out of my chair. "NOTHING IS THE MATTER WITH ME! I'M JUST THE GOD DAMN SPAWN OF THE DARK LORD!"

I screamed it so loud the room shook and some of the pictures fell off the walls with yelps from some of the people inhabiting them. Gabriel was looking at me with great surprise, and I could see disappointment in his eyes. It broke my heart to see it, but honestly, what did he expect from me? Beyond the heart break I felt anger. Why did he have to make me feel this way? Why did he have to be so right about everything? I wasn't fighting for anyone or anything and I should've been. I wasn't defending myself, or the ones I loved—Sirius and Lily had taken a lot of crap for being my boyfriend and best friend. I was letting my Father and his Death Eaters win; I was letting the students who were picking on me win. I was being foolish.

"Do you feel better now?" Gabriel asked with a charming sideways smile. I glared at him.

"Shut up," I snipped. He grinned completely and came over to me, hugging me tightly in his arms. His body was so firm and completely engulfed me. I felt a burning desire rise in me from somewhere in the lower center of my body. My body moaned to remain in his arms, but my head screamed to pull away. I shouldn't be touching him…I shouldn't be thinking of him…I was a horrible girlfriend for even thinking of having sexual feelings for Gabriel.

I looked up in Gabriel's eyes as I pulled out of his arms. He was looking down at me with those deep eyes that I could never define. Were they blue or green? Sometimes I swore they were dark velvet purple, and other times brown. They were so dark I got lost in them every time I looked at them, making it incredibly easy for him to penetrate my mind.

"What are you thinking?" he whispered stroking my cheek with his thumb, then letting his hand rest on my neck. I blinked and frowned slightly.

"You can't tell?"

"I thought I'd try being respectful and asking instead of just opening your mind and finding out."

I nodded slowly.

"Then you don't really want to know," I smirked slightly. "You take what you want, Gabriel. You hardly ask for permission."

"Better to beg forgiveness then ask permission."

I smiled and nodded my head.

"Seems you would live by a phrase like that."

"But I didn't just now," he whispered still looking at me. His eyes were so intense I had to turn away from him. "I asked you what you were thinking about so you could tell me."

"I don't want to tell you what I was thinking about," I whispered pulling out of his grasp. His fingers lingered on my skin and I felt flashes of passion flood my body. The tingle he sent through my skin took me by surprise every time, and I wished it wouldn't. I wished he wouldn't make me feel mushy, or passionate. I wished he wouldn't be so handsome and charming…and I wished I would not think or dream about him.

"I have to go," I whispered. "Lots of homework…"

I turned the doorknob to Dumbledore's office and started to leave.

"I know you're lying," he said to me with a grin.

I glared back at him.

"And here I was starting to think you weren't entering my mind all the time," I snipped.

"I didn't," he said crossing his arms. "I just know you well enough to know when you're lying to me, Cadence."

I frowned and didn't say anything. I turned and left the office. I also wished that he didn't read me so well with out Legilimency.

"Hey," Sirius said looking up at me as I sat down in an arm chair next to him. James, Lily, Remus, and Peter were all sitting around a table with him working on their homework. I dropped my backpack next to the chair and leaned back, sighing in it.

"Hi," I said back.

"What did Gabriel want?"

"Just wanted to give me a ridiculous pep talk," I said opening my bag viciously and pulling out my books. I frowned at my bag. I had ripped the zipper off while opening it. I pulled out my wand and flicked it at the bag which repaired instantly.

"Pep talk?" Sirius questioned.

"You can't say you haven't noticed," said Lily. I blinked at Lily who shrugged and leaned forward over her books. "I just mean, you obviously haven't been yourself Cadence. I'm sure Gabriel just meant well."

"How could you possibly think that man ever means well?" Sirius snapped.

"He's working for the Ministry and Dumbledore now," I said softly. "You don't have to trust him, Sirius, but please stop questioning his motivates every time he comes up here. If you can't trust him, trust the fact that Dumbledore trust him."

"Dumbledore has the unfortunate habit of trusting anyone."

"Hardly," Remus said from behind his books.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Don't you all gang up on me for not trusting the man who kidnapped Cadence last Christmas," he snapped at all of us.

"We're not ganging up on you mate," James said looking over his black rimmed glasses.

Sirius rolled his eyes and turned his head down to his homework. I frowned and stood up. I didn't need Sirius getting on my case about Gabriel and how we shouldn't trust him. I didn't need Sirius giving me a hard time about anything—why couldn't he just be supportive and help me through all of this? Why did he have to make it harder?

"Good night," I said picking up my stuff and leaving the table.

"Cadence," said Sirius quickly. I didn't say anything back to him and continued walking to the stairs to the dormitory. "Cadence!" Sirius yelled my name this time. I turned around and glared at him. He was out of his chair and heading for me.

"Don't yell at me," I said quietly. I turned and began up the stairs. Sirius made the stupid mistake of following me up them. The stairs disappeared under my feet, turning into a slide, and I went slipping down it crashing straight into Sirius at the bottom. I threw my books off of me and got up quickly. I couldn't even look at him I was so angry. I started picking up my stuff and he grabbed my wrist.

"I'm sorry," he was saying, but I was only half listening. "I didn't mean—I forgot about the stairs—"

"I'm not angry about the stairs!" I pulled my wrist from his hand and finished picking up my things.

"You're mad about Gabriel," he said. "I know you are because you have feelings for him and hearing me bash him doesn't sit well with you."

My body froze and I turned to Sirius so slowly that it almost hurt. My body was shaking with fury, and my eyes were in such a harsh glare Sirius should have melted on the spot when I looked at him. The whole common room was silent as I glared at him. I could see Lily gathering her things out of the corner of my eye.

"What did you say?" I asked in a sharp tone while I tried to not scream at him.

The lamps on the desks and tables around the common room were starting to flicker on and off. People were looking around nervously, and they started to move off to their dormitories quickly.

"You heard me," he said back breathlessly. Sirius was glaring right back at me, his fist clenched like he was ready to fight.

"If I have feelings for Gabriel I guess there is no point of staying with you," I said. "Because obviously the feelings I have for Gabriel are so much more passionate and romantic then my feelings for you. Sirius, did it ever dawn on you that I care about Gabriel as a brother because he saved my life?"

Sirius said nothing and I continued to speak.

"No," I snapped. "It didn't. You just assumed that I wanted to screw him and was falling in love with him. It never occurred to you that Gabriel was trying to help me through all the shit I've been putting up with because he cares about me and how I feel. You haven't done that for me at all. The only thing you've done for me is said you could protect me, and grilled me about Gabriel. You have done nothing. I'm waiting here for you to be my boyfriend—"

"Don't turn this around and say that I chased you to Gabriel."

I glared at him and crossed my arms over my chest.

"You're not listening," I said. "Gabriel and I don't have a romantic relationship. We have a strong friendship and understanding, kind of like a brother or sister."

"That's not what I see when he looks at you," Sirius said. "If you don't see the way he practically falls over you then you're blind, Cadence."

"Why does it matter if he's falling over me?!" I finally yelled. The lights went out on all the lamps. There were gasped of shock and screams of fear when the darkness spread. I sighed, snapping my fingers and they all relit. Anyone who was left in the common room jumped up and left, looking at me like I was the black plague. "I'm not falling over him! Dammit Sirius why does all of this matter? Why are you so jealous of Gabriel?"

"Come on, Cadence," said Lily picking up my things. "Let's go upstairs."

"No," said Sirius holding onto my arm. "Don't just usher her away, Lily. This is something we need to discuss."

"Sirius," said James behind him and holding his shoulder. "Mate…come on…"

"Stop acting like a giant git then and discuss it with her! Don't yell at her like she's an animal and humiliate her in front of the whole house," Lily snapped at Sirius. "She gets enough garbage because of that news article. The last thing she needs is you grilling her because another man cares about her. If you love her Sirius you would trust her—and even if you didn't love her you should trust her."

"I do," Sirius sighed with a glare at Lily. "I don't trust him."

"Then why are you accusing me of having feelings for him?" I whispered. I took my things from Lily and went up the steps to the dormitory. My body was still shaking with anger and when I entered the dormitory, I found it empty. There were only two beds in it—one for me, the other for Lily. The other Gryffindor girls, and their parents, had demanded their beds be moved to a different dormitory. They didn't want to share a room with me, Voldemort's darling daughter. They must have thought that I'd kill them in their sleep…

I collapsed on my head and put my hands to my head. Was Sirius right though? Did I really have feelings for Gabriel? I cringed and sat up, pulling the curtains closed around my bed. I could hear Lily coming into the dormitory, and I hoped she wouldn't say anything to me. I didn't want to talk about the fight Sirius and I just had. I didn't even want to think about it…I suppose after everything that was said Sirius and I weren't dating anymore. That thought broke my heart. I squeezed my hands around my pillow as the curtains ripped from my mental frustration.

There were tears in my eyes when I stumbled with my bags trying to find my wand. Lily came forward and fixed the torn curtains for me with a swift wave of her wand. I sat on my bed and began to sob into my hands. Lily sat next to me and wrapped her arm around me.

"I don't know what has happened to us," I whispered. "We were so in love before…and now all he seems to think about is Gabriel…"

"He's just a bloody git, Cadence," Lily said rubbing my back. "He's jealous that Gabriel is making you feel better more then he is."

"Then why doesn't he do something? Why does he bash Gabriel instead of focusing on me and helping me…why doesn't he care anymore?"

"I think he does," said Lily. "I just don't think he's very good at showing it."

I sighed and leaned my head on her shoulder.

"He looked so broken when I came up here," she continued. "The only time I've seen him look that way was after you disappeared last Christmas. I'm sure Sirius still loves you Cadence, he's just lost right now, just like you."

"Why can't we be lost together?" I sighed wiping my cheeks clean of my tears.

"Because you need to find each other," Lily said with a small smile to me. I nodded my head and she let me lay down to go to sleep.

I didn't go down to breakfast the next morning and I was late for Potions. Slughorn forgave my lateness as I apologized and took a seat next to Lily and Remus. I didn't say anything to Sirius the whole class period, and I skipped lunch to hide in the library away from him.

"Hey," said a soft voice.

I looked up at Sirius and frowned slightly. How'd he find me?

"Hi," I whispered.

"I thought if I found you here it'd prevent us from yelling," he said with a smile as he sat down across from me. I didn't smile or say anything and raised my eyebrows at him.

"What do you want, Sirius?"

"I wanted to apologize," he said very seriously. "I want you to know that I love you with everything I am and I would never do anything to hurt you or lose you. Cadence, I'm afraid you're slipping away from me…and I can't even begin to describe how frightened it makes me. I don't want to lose you and I will do anything in my power to keep you and protect you. I don't want the reason that we separate to be something that I could have prevented…I've been a git ever since you and Gabriel saved my ass in August, and I'm sorry. I know that you love me and I know you are faithful…I suppose I was just being a giant jealous male."

I listened to his every word and tried not to smile. I was exactly what I wanted to hear. And I was happy he was making it better; because honestly everything in me loved Sirius Black—he was more then I could ever want or hope for—and I would never do anything to hurt or lose him.

I reached out and squeezed his hand.

"I love you," I whispered kissing his fingers. "I'm sorry if I led you to doubt me."

He shook his head.

"I never should have doubted you," he whispered stroking my cheek.

"We're even," I smiled softly.

"We were being tested, Cadence," he said squeezing my hands tightly and looking me in the eye with his dark blue stare. "We've passed."

I looked down at our hands and frowned slightly. Had we really passed? Had I passed?

"I feel like my whole life and being is being tested," I whispered.

Sirius lifted my chin and smiled at me.

"I'll be right there with you," he said with a small smile. "You're not alone, Cadence. We'll get through this. You're a good person, and I love you…that's all that matters."

I nodded slowly.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" I whispered glancing at my homework. "I'm tired of doing my homework…need to clear my head…"

"How about a walk up to my dormitory? I can think of a few ways to clear your head…" Sirius joked as we stood up and he wrapped his arm around me. I laughed lightly and pressed my head into his body. He held me tightly against him and I felt emotions run through both our bodies. There was a shared sense of protection, triumph, and love. It was in that moment that I realized that Sirius was right, no matter what we faced we would always triumph…our love would triumph. If it wasn't our love being challenged, it would be what helped us over come our other issues. Sirius's love is what would keep me going through the next months. He was the only one I could truly trust…he was the only one I could believe in.

I didn't know then how wrong I could be…