A/N Okay you guys whatever you do please don't hate me lol this chapter throws a twist into the middle of everything. It's an upper and a downer. Also don't forget to hop over and read the spin off to this on Raven/Octavia. It's called "With a side of Voss." I am not sure where I am going with it yet but I am still writing it. Don't forget opinions, ideas or just yelling at me in a review does wonders. Enjoy! xoxoxo
Clarke opened her eyes completely confused. She could tell that it was early morning and her tv screen was asking if she was still watching netflix. Adjusting a little feeling like her neck had been snapped she felt hands slide up her back, she froze. She fell asleep on Lexa. She slowly looked up seeing the girl passed out with her head leaning against the couch. She felt there legs tangled together and noticed one of her hands was tucked up under Lexa's shirt against her stomach. She cursed herself for falling asleep and for cuddling the shit out of Lexa. She didn't want to wake her up because it was still early and because she realized how comfortable Lexa was to sleep on so she just stared up at her a little. It was the first time she had been so close seeing every feature on Lexa's face. How she had long eyelashes and her jaw was still perfection. She felt herself smile she could sit like this forever. She jumped just a little feeling Lexa's hands slide up and down her back again resting on her hips. It made her shiver. She now took advantage of knowing she was on top of Lexa. It was a compromising position because she had wanted to be just like this with her before. She took her hand drawing a line down Lexa's jaw letting it drift down her neck. She wanted to follow the same pattern with her lips. She felt the girl shift beneath her under her touch she could feel her grip tighten and her legs stretch. Clarke smiled hearing Lexa let out a small groan. She knew if they had been laying like this the whole night she had to be uncomfortable.
"You're staring." Clarke jumped even higher hearing Lexa talk. It was low and husky and she couldn't help but think it was sexy.
"Your eyes are not even open how could you tell." Clarke was curious.
"I have super powers." Lexa smiled opening her eyes a little to see the blonde laying on top of her just inches from her face smiling.
"Good morning." Clarke let her finger slide down Lexa's jaw again she was tempted to kiss her good morning but after last night she wasn't sure where they stood still.
"What are you thinking." Lexa watched her expressions change.
"Nothing…" Clarke bit her lip debating on what to say.
"Tell me…" Lexa let her head lay back down. She hadn't slept right away and waking up to Clarke moving on top of her was like the worst torture she has ever put herself through.
"What do you think about last night?" Clarke spit out not sure if she wanted to know the answer.
"Last night was amazing. Best first date I've had in awhile." Lexa smile thinking back to everything they had done.
"You are a tease though." Lexa added to it seeing Clarke blush.
"What how so?" Clarke nudged against her a little.
"Just like that." Lexa laughed feeling the weight of the girl against her body and Clarke's knee push a little higher for like the 20th time that night.
"What I didn't do anything." Clarke was still oblivious.
"This…" Lexa squeezed her thighs together feeling Clarke shift her knee with the movement and watched the shock hit Clarke dead on.
"Ohhh..ummm…I'm not sorry." Clarke laughed seeing Lexa's frustration so she pushed herself up and off of the brunette.
"Nooo not yet." Lexa pulled Clarke back down on her even being frustrated she didn't want to break the contact.
"Lexa I don't want to keep…" Clarke was hushed with a finger against her lips.
"Shhh I'm cold and you're warm." Lexa smiled knowing it was the worst excuse ever to not let the girl move.
Clarke propped herself up on each side of Lexa looking at the girl's face again. She bit her lip wondering if she should ask what had been on her mind a few times now.
"You're staring again." Lexa laughed hearing Clarke huff knowing she got caught.
"Would you let me sketch you?" Clarke let her fingers run over Lexa's face again tracing her lips this time.
"You want to sketch me.." Lexa said trying not to hold her breathe feeling Clarke's hands wander.
"Yes you have the best jaw line I have ever seen." Clarke laughed grabbing Lexa's face tipping it from side to side.
"That's so romantic. So do you just want my face or my body too?" Lexa waited for the response feeling Clarke's hands continue to explore her body.
"Umm I could handle both." Clarke was being serious as she studied Lexa. She could feel the girls muscles twitch as she drew patterns down her neck over her shoulders to the center of her chest till she couldn't go any farther.
"Naked?" Lexa lifted an eyebrow opening her eyes to see Clarke.
"What… no….jerk." Clarke slapped the brunette under her.
Lexa realized then just how much she loved seeing Clarke smile. It was natural and beautiful. She could feel her heart race a little as she scanned over her face. She remembered what her answer was last night to Clarke's question. She wanted the blonde to be hers and only hers. It made her wonder if Clarke even remembered the question.
"Now you're staring." Clarke cocked her eyebrow at Lexa trying to figure out where she just went. It was obvious she was thinking as she watched her scan her face with an expression Clarke hadn't seen before.
"Sorry I can't help myself when I have a gorgeous woman laying on top of me." Lexa smiled pulling on Clarke's hips to push them together.
"Mmm now who is the tease." Clarke's breath hitched a little feeling the friction between their bodies.
"Can I ask you a question." Lexa let her tone fall flat hoping she didn't get this wrong.
"Sure what is it?" Clarke tipped her head waiting for the question. She had only seen Lexa get serious a few times so this was important obviously.
"Do you remember asking me a question last night?" Lexa did hold her breath this time.
Clarke stopped knowing exactly what Lexa was talking about. She had asked her what they were but Lexa hadn't answered.
"Yes I do remember." Clarke got serious as well.
"And…." Lexa kept it short.
"You never replied." Clarke felt Lexa let out her breath like she was either happy or disappointed.
Lexa closed her eyes feeling her heart sink. Clarke had passed out before she heard her response. She already knew that but she wasn't even sure what to say next so she just laid silently with her eyes closed.
"Hey…" She felt Clarke tap her nose.
"Hmmm." is all Lexa said.
"What's wrong?" Clarke asked already knowing something was wrong. Lexa all of a sudden stiffened up like she was uncomfortable now with her laying on top of her.
"Nothing… just a little tired." Lexa rubbed her hands up Clarke's back hoping it would drop the subject.
"Lexa… did you answer my question." Clarke asked feeling like she missed something and she knew she was right when Lexa's hands stopped moving.
"Did I do or say something wrong?" Clarke was cursing herself for drinking so much wine, she remember most but the end of the night was kind of foggy.
"No you didn't do anything wrong. I promise." Lexa leaned up kissing Clarke soft and slow trying to make her forget everything.
"Mmmm…" Clarke heard herself moan a little as she felt Lexa's lips move against hers before she broke the kiss .
"Stop distracting me Lexa." Clarke tried to say when she felt the brunette bite her lip. It sent chills down her body making push her knee up accidentally.
"Mmm Clarke…. you have to move your leg or I am not going to be able to control myself." Lexa tightened her hands on Clarke's hips trying to lift her.
Clarke took it as an advantage point since Lexa was avoiding her question.
"Answer my question Lexa…. did you answer me last night." Clarke pushed her knee higher.
"Ughhhh….. I can't" Lexa started to struggle feeling the friction between her thighs from Clarke.
"Lexa…" Clarke pushed again. Even though it was a serious topic she couldn't help but smile a little watching the brunette fight for control.
"I want you." Lexa spit out.
"Was that your answer…." Clarke stopped trying to figure out if it was the truth.
"No that wasn't my answer… it's my answer for right now." Lexa leaned forward trying to kiss Clarke.
"So you did answer?" Clarke pushed back even more.
"What...no...yes?" Lexa threw her head back. She had said she wanted Clarke to be hers last night but she didn't know how to say it again. She couldn't tell now if she was scared of rejection or what. Clarke never said she wanted more and even though she thought they were on the same page there was still a chance they weren't.
"Seriously right now." Clarke was a little pissed so she pushed up and off Lexa. It was a simple question why wouldn't she answer it.
"Clarke no…..ughhh" Lexa sat up watching her walk towards the kitchen. How the hell did she just make perfect go to fucked up in like 30 seconds. She got up and followed Clarke seeing as she was pulling out the stuff to make coffee.
"Clarke…" Lexa treaded slowly up behind the blonde. She didn't know what to expect now. She let her hands slid in between the girls arms wrapping her hands around Clarke stomach pulling her back into her she rested her chin on Clarke's shoulder.
"It's a simple question Lexa…" Clarke spoke feeling the warmth of the girl she was pretty much begging to give her something on how she feels.
"My life isn't simple Clarke." Lexa answered kissing her cheek she felt Clarke pull away again heading back towards the living room. She watched Clarke gather her things up and head to the door swinging it open.
"It's a yes or no question Lexa… don't make me stand here and make a fool of myself for wanting to know what we are. Wanting to know how you feel" Clarke could hear her voice crack. She didn't understand what just happened and she was was knocked backwards by someone come charging through her front door.
"Clarke Griffin what the hell is this?" Her mother waltzed right into her apartment uninvited and shoved a magazine in her face.
Clarke was in shock not only from Lexa being in her kitchen and her mother almost in the same room but from seeing her own face plastered on the front of a magazine kissing Lexa. With the headline reading "Could it be? Does the Alexandra Voss have a new girlfriend?" and reading below it she could see it saying "Hearts breaking across america but for one lucky blonde it's got to be amazing". Clarke didn't know what to say she could hear her mom asking her how she could fuck up so badly.
"Excuse me?" Clarke jumped forgetting Lexa was standing in her kitchen, she also watched her mother turn seeing exactly who is was in her kitchen and before she knew it the magazine was snatched and slammed on the counter.
'This is you?" Clarke's mom pointed at the magazine tapping the picture of them two kissing in the park the day before.
"Yes ma'am" is all Lexa could manage to choke out seeing how outraged Clarke's mom was.
"Do you realize what this means for my daughter's future. The fact that she is going to be all over the tabloids and the news and how her fathers….." Clarked yelled stopping her mother mid sentence.
"Do not make this about him. This is not Lexa's fault it was not one side mother. I kissed her first." Clarke was pretty much raging once she heard her mother try and bring her father into the situation.
"OMG Clarke have you seen…." Octavia came barging into her apartment with the magazine stopping seeing that Lexa and Abby were standing in the kitchen with a look of shock on their faces and Clarke was pissed.
"Ohhh I think I am going to leave…" Octavia turned to run back out the door but then stopped when she heard her name.
"Octavia Blake… get your ass back in here." she slumped her shoulders hearing Clarke's mom.
"Yes." Octavia smiled hoping she might be able to help the situation.
"Did you know about this…" Clarke's mom gestured between her best friend and Lexa.
"Yes… but they are amazing together. You just have to look past the publicity and money and see who Lexa is as a person." She pleaded for Clarke's sake.
"It's time for you to leave." Clarke spoke up watching her mother stiffen up and Octavia looked in shock that she was telling her mom to leave.
"Lexa please I need you to leave." Lexa looked crushed. She didn't think it was her Clarke was referring too. She didn't even know how to feel. Things had just been perfect and now her and Clarke's world was crashing down. Walking forward between everyone she kept her eyes on Clarke seeing the hurt shine in them.
"Clarke…. " Lexa spoke softly lifting her hand to run it down the side of Clarke's cheek. She leaned forward not caring who could see and she kissed Clarke on the lips softly before stepping closer and kissing her on the forehead she leaned to the side and whispered in Clarke's ear.
"Mine…" Clarke heard Lexa whisper she was slightly confused she went to ask what she was referring to when she heard Lexa again.
"I'm sorry." was the last she heard as Lexa grabbed her stuff and walked out.
Clarke felt broken she wasn't understanding anything. She didn't get her mom nor did she get what Lexa had said. The girl was always throwing her off but she was confused by everything. No one was answering her questions and fighting with her mom was exhausting. She hated that her mom tried to throw her dad's death into the situation when it had nothing to do with it. Clarke wasn't bisexual because of what happened and her mom refused to believe anything regarding her sexuality. She had went back and for with her mom for about an hour on how having her face plastered on magazines or in the news could ruin her life as a doctor. How her curiosity and adventures in college would affect her whole entire life even when she was older. No one would ever let it go that she was another one of the Voss's notch on her belt. Everyone knew how Lexa was or at least how Lexa played herself in the media when she was caught up. It has been awhile though probably another reason Clarke never recognized her.
"This really is a great picture." Octavia hopped on the couch next to Clarke holding up the magazine.
"Give me that." Clarke snatched the magazine looking at the picture. Lexa smile was what stood out the most. There were two pictures one of them smiling at each other with Lexa's hand on the side of her face. She could see the feelings in Lexa's eyes she knew the girl cared for her but why was it so hard for her to answer her question earlier. The second picture was of them kissing and how sweet it looked. Clarke blushed a little knowing that every girl in the world who was dying to be her in these photos. Clarke hadn't realized there was a small article on it so she flipped to the page inside the magazine seeing Lexa holding hands with some other girl. They were smiling and the girl had long dark brown hair and tan skin like Lexa she was gorgeous. Clarke felt a small stab in her heart seeing the photos. There was another of them two which it looked like they were fighting and then the last one was of Lexa looking emotionless with her head turned in what looked like the girl was either pleading or explaining why she was leaving. Clarke could almost see the hurt in Lexa's face either way. Below it all it it mentioned something about Lexa being heartbroken and used for her money but what could happen when someone is able to pick voss back up and heal her heart.
"Mmmm yeah she isn't as cute as you Clarke." Octavia spoke up with another magazine in her hand obviously looking at the same thing as her.
"I wonder who she was." Clarke said more to herself then to Octavia.
"Looks like her name is Echo from what this says" Octavia tapped the photo of when they looked happy.
"I wonder what happened… she's never mentioned anyone in her past just said that she had been used for her money." Clarke flipped back to the front seeing their pictures together again smiling. She couldn't get Lexa's words out of her head along with her face of defeat when she walked out of the door.
"I asked her what we were last night." Clarke spoke watching Octavia whip her head up.
"Annddd…." Octavia waited.
"She didn't answer me last night, but now I am starting to think she did but she won't say it again." Clarke huffed pushing up off the couch to head to the kitchen she needed a beer.
"Do you think it was good or bad." Octavia leaned over the couch watching her friend sulk her way to the fridge.
"I want to say it was good… before she left she whispered mine in my ear, but I have no idea what she was talking about." Clarke tipped a beer at Octavia seeing the girl say yes.
"Hmmm well how was everything before the barge in." Octavia asked sticking the beer between her legs as they both smashed together on the couch.
"It was amazing. We made pizza's and laughed. She asked me to dance in the kitchen to the Temptations. She wants me to paint something for the bar. We kissed and we made out but nothing went farther. I was just happy O like she made me smile and my heart sink because it's been so long that I just loved being in someone's company." Clarke pretty much beamed.
"Excuse me but you love me too. Don't get it twisted." Octavia bumped her shoulder almost making her spill her beer.
"This morning I woke up from sleeping on her. She let me pass out right in her lap wrapped around her. I know it had to be uncomfortable and then I asked to sketch her as she was her usual flirty self but then it all changed. She changed. She asked me if I remember asking me her that question and I said yes but that she hadn't replied and then it was like she shut me out. Like she was hurt or afraid I don't know O... " Clarke paused thinking it over again.
"I yelled her… before my mom walked in. I told her it was a yes or no question regarding what her answer was and then I held the door open for her to get out." Clarke watched Octavia look at her.
"You gave her an ultimatum already?" Octavia cocked an eyebrow.
"I… no…. ughhh I guess I did." Clarke threw her head back now thinking about her words.
"Did you ever think that her saying mine meant as in you… like you are her's that was her answer?" Octavia was just spouting off things flipping through the magazine.
"Ohhh my god O…. what if you are right and I just made her leave." Clarke sat up cursing herself.
"Couldn't be no worse then me running away from Raven." Octavia stopped with her beer half way up to her mouth when she realized what she had just said.
"You what…." Clarke turned hitting her best friend. "Spit it out what the hell did you do?" Clarke laughed seeing her best friend close her eyes like she was ashamed of something.
"Well I kind of ended up barging in on Raven and Elliott last night after I told Lincoln I needed a break because I might have feelings for someone else and by the way you never told me it was that obvious because Lincoln called me out on it being Raven." Octavia turned glaring at her friend.
"Wow really… I guess it was only you two who were oblivious to the sexual tension." Clarke laughed.
"Pshhh sexual tension let me tell you what that means. So after I barged in on them I threw a small fit about Elliott kissing her before she left and then Raven let me have it. Like she bitched me out in her own way for being confusing and a pain in the ass." Octavia cleared her throat preparing to tell Clarke the next part.
Clarke watched her best friends eyes change. She could see desire and confusion easily but she also could see happiness. Something happened but then something bad had to have happened too.
"So we were arguing and pushing at each other and Raven was begging me to just tell her what was wrong and she ended up pulling me in close and Clarke I didn't stop her I let myself fall right into it.." Octavia sighed.
"She kissed me…." Octavia put her head in her hands waiting to hear Clarke yell at her.
"Was it good?" Clarke had to ask cause seeing Octavia flustered just about never happened.
"God was it good. It took me to like half way through the second kiss for me to finally let my body kick take over and then I lost my mind. She didn't force me she pretty much let me lead the way and the next thing you know I had her backed up against the door and my hands were roaming and her lips were on my neck and then I freaked the fuck out Clarke." Octavia groaned listening to herself tell the story and how stupid she sounded.
"Wow you didn't waste anytime getting in her pants did you." Clarke laughed feeling the pillow hit her.
"I did not get in her pants even though I totally would have." Octavia laughed.
"That wasn't my fuck up though Clarke…. when I was leaving or I should say running and she was trying to hold me begging for me to talk to her I told her it was a mistake." Octavia heard Clarke suck in a breath. She knew it was bad she knew those had to be the worst words she could have said and how much of a lie it was. It was not a mistake it as everything she has been wanting lately and that scared the shit out of her.
"Octavia…." Clarke was in shock they both knew what those words meant to Raven.
"I know Clarke… I'm a bitch trust me I have been telling myself that all morning." Octavia tipped her beer back clearing the bottle.
"What are we going to do?" Clarke said out loud referring to both of them and for how stupid they both sounded when telling their stories out loud.
"I don't know about me Clarke but you have to talk to Lexa. I can see that she cares about you and watching her leave here today when you told her to leave I swear she left her heart with you as she walked out." Octavia laid her head on Clarke's shoulder.
"I know…. and you need to talk to Raven or at least tell the girl how you feel since it looks like you skipped the talk and headed straight for the bed" Clarked couldn't help but laugh.
"You're a bitch." Octavia stuck her feet on her and pushed her off the couch. "Go talk to your commander and kiss her sorry from the both of us." Octavia winked.
"Don't you even think of kissing or putting your hands anywhere on my girl…." Clarke stopped herself from what she was about to say.
"Uhh huh…" Octavia smiled it was written on Clarke's face with how she was feeling. She was falling for Lexa and she was falling fast.
"Lock my door on the way out whenever you leave." Clarke grabbed her jacket off the back of the couch before heading out the door. Noticing it was actually Lexa's hoodie she threw it on over her head and hopped in her car. She had to go tell Lexa exactly how she was feeling and maybe that was exactly what Lexa was needing.
Octavia sat on Clarke's couch drinking another beer. She knew it was mid afternoon and heading into the evening. Soon she was going to need to eat if she kept drinking like this. To think of it lately all she had been doing was drinking to kill how she was feeling. Sitting the beer down she grabbed her phone about to order some pizza when she heard the door swing open behind her.
"Was the commander not there?" Octavia asked never turning around. "Do you want to share some pizza with me I'm starving."
"How about Chinese." Octavia turned around on the couch seeing Raven standing in the doorway with take out.
"Seriously…" is all Octavia got out.
Lexa was laying on her bed. She hated to admit that when she got home she cried just a little. It wasn't from the photos or her night with Clarke. If anything that made her heart race. She kind of liked the world knowing that Clarke had swept her off her feet. It was from the look on Clarke's face when she told her to leave. The look of pain of hurt she knew it exactly because she had seen it so many times on herself. She didn't mean to hurt Clarke or to not answer she just for the first time in her life she needed reassurance. It wasn't something she was use to. She now knew that Clarke had a lot more of her heart then she ever thought she was willing to give again.
"You should go talk to her." Lexa glanced over her shoulder to see Gustus.
"I know… but I don't know what to say." Lexa mumbled.
"How about you say what you have been thinking since you got home." Gustus nudged the bed with his foot.
"It's not that easy Gustus." Lexa spouted off.
"It is that easy especially when she is standing outside." Lexa turned looking around.
"What do you mean?" Lexa stood up.
"She's downstairs asking for you. I told her she needed to wait because I wasn't sure if you wanted to see her." Gustus watched the light in her eyes go bigger.
"Where is she…." Lexa went to walk past him.
"She's on the stairs in front of the bar but make sure you get it right this time kid." Gustus let her walk past and he laughed hearing how fast she charged the stairs.
Lexa stood looking out the window of the door seeing the blonde sitting on the stairs in her hoodie. It was the best view she had ever seen. She was gorgeous looking up at the sky probably staring at the stars. Lexa pushed open the door smiling as she made her way over to Clarke she sat down one stair behind her.
"You're staring." Clarke spoke with a small smile on her face. She had felt Lexa sit down behind her.
"I can't help myself I have a beautiful blonde sitting in front of me with my hoodie on." Lexa reached up sliding her hand over the girls shoulder just a little bit wanting to touch her to make sure she was really there.
"You smell good." Clarke hugged the hoodie smelling Lexa on it. She had already told herself she wasn't giving it back.
"Clarke I'm…" She was cut off when Clarke had turned quickly and put a finger to her lips.
"Shhhh Lexa…. I need to talk first." Clarke was now sitting on her knees between Lexa's legs with her hands on her face.
"I pushed you this morning, I forced you to answer me and that is not something I ever expected myself to do. I don't know your past Lexa…. I seen the other girl and I seen your face. That isn't a side of you I know but when you walked out my door this morning I seen a part of that in you and that isn't what I want Lexa…. what I want is you." Clarke let out a sigh she finally said it.
"Clarke I want… Echo….." Lexa was stunned seeing the girl step up directly behind Clarke. This could not be happening. What the hell was happening. Someone has to be playing a sick joke on her right now.
"Hi Lex long time no see." Clarke turned hearing the girl talk. It was the girl from the photos and nothing had changed she was gorgeous.
A/N Eekkkk yes that just happened. I'm sorry but not sorry... I had throw in a twist and now you know what it is. What do you think... Clarke admitted her feelings, we secretly know what Lexa wants... but what will happen or change with Echo putting her foot into the mix. Please review hit me with everything and OMG were almost to chapter 15 I'm shocked I've made it this far on my first story. Thank you for all the support. xoxoxo