Chapter Fourteen

The next morning, Starsky was quiet and subdued. Hutch didn't push. He left the brunet alone with his thoughts. He knew that this situation was just as hard for Starsky as it was for him, even harder actually since Starsky had no memory of his past, only fleeting glimpses and scattered images that made no sense to him. Hutch believed that his extreme aversion to human contact came from the treatment he had received before he was shot combined with the terror that he had felt when he realized that he couldn't remember anything about his past. Instinctively, he had gone into hiding from a danger that he couldn't identify only feel in his heart.

Since the breakthrough the day before, Hutch sensed that a barrier between them had been torn down but that Starsky was still hesitant to trust Hutch completely. He accepted Hutch touching him but he still flinched unintentionally when Hutch approached him. Hutch noticed that Starsky was gently touching the scar on his forehead, tracing the white line back into his hairline.

"Starsk, do you remember what happened to you?" Hutch asked quietly.

"Hurt…" Starsky whispered in a hesitant tone, looking at Hutch for confirmation.

"Yeah, buddy…you were hurt. Somebody shot you."

"In the head?" Starsky questioned, his eyes widening in alarm.

"Yeah, in the head." Hutch decided to go into a little more detail about what had happened. "You were shot just above your left ear. It was a small caliber bullet and that's the only thing that saved your life. It caused a depressed skull fracture but it didn't penetrate the skull or you would have been killed instantly."

"Is that why I can't remember?"

"Partly. There was a lot of trauma and swelling. The doctors didn't expect you to survive. You were in a coma for a while."

"Will I ever be able to remember?" Starsky asked, his bottom lip trembling. Hutch instantly crossed the room to his partner's side and sat down on the bed beside him. He reached out and took his hands securely in his own.

"Of course you will." Hutch told him firmly. "The memories are still there somewhere and I'm going to do everything I can to help you get 'em out."

"Me and thee…huh?" Starsky said, surprising Hutch by using their familiar motto without any prompting.

"Yeah, that's right." Hutch told him with a pleased smile. "Me and thee." His voice cracked on the last word and he had to swallow the sudden lump that rose into his throat.

A knock on the door distracted them from their conversation. Starsky immediately stiffened and drew back against the headboard. He might be more comfortable with Hutch but dealing with outsiders was still an issue. Hutch laid a soothing hand on Starsky's leg and said, "Come in."

The door opened and Gretchen came in with a bag carrying their food for the day. She smiled warmly and said, "Well, it looks like things are looking up here."

"Getting there." Hutch said with a welcoming smile. "Gretchen, this is my partner, David Starsky. Starsk, this is a good friend, Gretchen Adams."

"Hello, David." Gretchen said, smiling warmly but keeping her distance. "It's so good to finally meet you."

"Gretchen is the one who left you the food and clothes in back of the shelter." Hutch told Starsky.

"Thank you." Starsky said shyly, lowering his head as he spoke and avoiding direct eye contact.

"She's also the one who's been bringing us all the good food we've been eating." Hutch added.

"Which I will sit right here." Gretchen said as she sat the bag down on the battered dresser facing the foot of the bed. "And say goodbye. I'm sure you both have a lot of catching up to do."

Starsky visibly relaxed when Gretchen left. To distract Starsky from his discomfort, Hutch said, "Let's see what Gretchen brought us. I'm starving."

He opened the bag and pulled out two breakfast burritos, two containers of orange juice, and two cups of coffee. Smiling, he presented Starsky with his share. Starsky immediately turned his attention to his food. At least he still seemed to have a healthy appetite which Hutch was pleased to see. He needed to regain some weight and to do that he needed to eat healthier than he had been. Granted, it was almost impossible to eat three square meals a day when you were living on the streets.

After they had finished eating, Hutch said,

"So, what would you like to do today?"

Starsky seemed to be considering the question then he looked at Hutch hopefully and said, "Go outside."
"Sure, it that's what you want to do. Is there any place special you want to go?"

Starsky shook his head. "I just wanna feel the sun on my face."

"Starsky," Hutch asked wording his question carefully. "How long has it been since you've been outside in the daytime?"

"I don't know." Starsky admitted sadly "Long time…too many people."

"Are you sure that you're ready for it now?"

"As long as you're with me…" Starsky said shyly, once more displaying the uncanny depth of his trust in his partner.

"Then let's go." Hutch said with a smile. The two men left the room for the first time in almost two weeks and left the building. Starsky immediately moved closer to Hutch's side, his nervousness evident in the drawn lines around his eyes. Outside, the sun was shining brightly and the temperature was already in the mid-nineties. The sidewalks were already crowded with pedestrians hurrying to their individual destinations. Hutch instinctively reached out and took Starsky's arm to keep him from being overwhelmed by the unaccustomed activity going on around him.

The two friends strolled down the street, looking in store windows and talking casually. Starsky did fairly well for his first outing in daylight. He stayed close to Hutch and actually seemed to be enjoying himself until a car passing on the street backfired. Starsky immediately cried out and dropped to his knees, covering his ears with his hands and breathing heavily, almost hyperventilating. Hutch quickly reached down and took Starsky's arm, helping him to his feet. To avoid drawing unwanted attention to Starsky distress, Hutch hurried Starsky into a nearby diner.

They sat down in a booth in the back of the room, sitting side by side on the same side of the bench seats. Starsky was visibly shaking and upset. Leaning in close, Hutch said quietly, "Take it easy, babe…just take a deep breath and exhale slowly…" He demonstrated, pleased when Starsky willingly followed his example. When Starsky appeared to have calmed down, Hutch signaled the waitress and ordered two sodas. He knew that the sugar would help to counteract Starsky's adrenalin rush.

"Feeling better?" Hutch asked in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

"Feeling stupid." Starsky said with a ghost of a smile.

"It wasn't your fault. That backfire sounded like a gunshot. You had a flashback, didn't you?" Hutch probed gently.

"He shot me, Hutch." Starsky said in a trembling voice. "I could almost feel the gun pressing against the side of my head. I was so sure that I was going to die…and I was so scared…"

"It's okay, pal." Hutch said, slipping a comforting arm around Starsky's shoulders. "It'll get better. I promise." He knew that Starsky had just made another breakthrough. "I think that's enough for one day. How about if we go back to the room?"

Starsky nodded his agreement, hanging his head in embarrassment. Hutch knew that Starsky was trying as hard as he could and that there was bound to be some stumbling blocks along the way.