Author's Note: This chapter involves suicide. This may be triggering to some people. Viewer discretion is advised.
Chapter Thirteen: A Battle
"Welcome back," Admiral Hackett smiled warmly at Captain Hannah Shepard. He hadn't smiled so sincerely in far too long. Having a dear friend come back into his life almost made up for the one that had gone out of it.
The Captain had been declared missing in action for longer than a decade. Her status change from MIA to alive and well was due to one of his N7 teams rescuing her from Batarians located in the Terminus. After years of just missing Hannah by mere minutes, they finally got the drop on her captives. It was nothing short of a resounding victory.
She had been saved months ago, but had only just been released from her reintegration program. According to the best the Alliance had to offer, she was well adjusted and ready to rejoin life as a well respected officer. It was comforting to know that at least one Shepard would still be on watch.
The timing of her return could be viewed as a blessing or a curse. Hackett himself couldn't be more pleased by her arrival, but her view on the whole situation was probably far different from his. Or would be when she found out.
He had known her for thirty years, their first meeting taking place on Arcturus Station. She had been a young cadet training to be an officer while he had been her instructor. Hannah proved to be nothing short of a gifted leader. In fact, she probably would've been more famous for her prowess in battle had she not been eclipsed by her son. She didn't seem to mind the lack of fame, however. She had never been one for the spotlight.
"It's nice to be back, Steven...How long was I gone exactly? Time got twisted," she said. She was very thin, too thin. Batarian prisons weren't exactly breaking new ground in the nutritional department.
"Twelve years," he replied. Hackett had to suppress a head shake. Losing years and years of life was a chilling proposition, even for someone as battle hardened as he.
"That would mean that Rowan is forty eight, Alex would be sixteen, and Colt would be twenty eight... I've missed so much of their lives," Hannah's voice gradually decreased in confidence. Her eyes fell from his face and landed on her own folded hands.
"Where do they live? Do you have everyone's address? What are Colt and Alex doing? I imagine Colt is probably doing something with animals; Alex is probably some tech consultant," Hannah's words were rushed with excitement. Her once dull eyes were now bright and bursting with life. He tried not to think about the fact that his own words, his own voice were about to destroy her happiness.
He barely contained a sad sigh, "Captain…Some things changed while you were gone."
…
Liara sat on a couch, in an apartment. A faint memory of Doctor Chakwas taking her here ghosted her thoughts before leaving permanently. Glimpses of her escape pod's rescue by an Alliance frigate were kind enough to take her thoughts away from Colt's...thing, if only for a little while.
The apartment was disgusting, albeit relatively intact. Its walls were caked with dirt and Goddess knows what else. The carpeting hadn't been cleaned in years, if the cereal ground into it was any indicator. It was gross and grimy, and Liara loved it. Its musty odor and gloomy atmosphere complemented her mood nicely. The couch was uncomfortable and sticky, but that didn't matter much. All her focus was on an object on the table in front of her.
Colt demanded that she learn how to use a gun and had given her a Judgment pistol to do so. She knew enough to locate its major components. She knew enough to know where the safety was. The irony of using a pistol called the Judgement was not lost on Liara.
Several times she had reached for it and had just felt the cool metal in her hand. For some reason its temperature reassured her. Did he feel the same numbness as he passed?
Closing her eyes was not a comfort. Instead of reassuring her or allowing everything to fall back into perspective, the darkness only conjured his image. Colt. Her plan never felt more right.
Life without him was... No. It just simply wasn't an option. That wasn't supposed to happen. People just didn't die in the middle of their lives. They had clear beginnings, well-planned middles, and good ends. They lived up right to their expiration date. People in movies died young and violently. Commander Shepard wasn't ever supposed to die. It just wasn't like him.
Liara wasn't supposed to have anything bad happen to her. She studied hard, worked hard, and tried to be a good person. Plus, she paid off her sins with Benezia.
He just wasn't allowed to die. Good people weren't supposed to die. Not like that, not so young.
They were supposed to fall in deeper love and wake up everyday next to each other. They were supposed to support each other, joke around, have a life together. This, whatever this was, was not how things were supposed to end.
Liara picked up the pistol and studied it a second. Its elegant curves reminded her of Asari architecture. Human ingenuity and asari beauty made for a fitting end.
Once again, she closed her eyes. The barrel's migration to her temple only seemed natural. She found that the barrel was as cold as the handle.
…
She realized on her way to the apartment that there just wasn't a whole lot left.
Karin Chakwas had spent years being a well constructed scaffold for one of her dearest friends. Supreme Overlord of the Worry Nation, Ruler of the Needles, Stabby McStabbins, and mother to a crew of misfits were all titles that had been taken from her in minutes. Ripped from her. Now there was just the skeleton of a once-great scaffold next to an empty lot that used to hold great expectations. The change from a support beam to an easily forgotten member of a dead hero's crew was disturbing to say the least.
She didn't hate anyone before. Disliked sure, but never hate. Chakwas didn't hate anyone, not even Saren. Until now.
But what was she supposed to hate? Did she hate the thing that had obliterated her home and killed him, or something entirely different? Did she hate fate, the Alliance, him, or herself? There was a myriad of people and things that deserved all the hate she could muster.
She knew what he was like. That was the worst part. She knew that he would die to save the ship and his crew. She knew and she didn't try to prevent that from happening. A well intentioned reminder that he was far too important to die, an order, a tight hold, anything. Anything that stopped this. She should've forced him to get into an escape pod. He was her responsibility. He had needed her and Chakwas let him die.
There just wasn't a whole lot of anything anymore.
People, she didn't remember who, used to tell her to look on the bright side of bad situations. They told her to find the stars at night. It had worked in every terrible position the doctor found herself in. But this was the exception, which made sense because he was always the exception.
There was no silver-lining. There was nothing even remotely okay about this. Nothing was ever okay with a twenty-eight year old dying. It was a pointless exercise to try and find the good in the wake of his death.
The only thing that could perhaps be viewed as good was that the Alliance had left Liara alone. They had just held a formal inquiry into the death of Commander Colt Shepard and they had called everyone in his crew in, all except Liara. Chakwas knew that eventually they would need to talk to the shaken asari, but for now she had been left alone. If they had interviewed her about it...Karin didn't want to think about it.
Chakwas finally reached the front door of the Citadel apartment she took Liara to. It was ratty and generally unfit for anyone, but she couldn't find anything else.
When the human entered the apartment, everything was eerily quiet. "Liara! I'm back!" she called out, hoping to coax the asari out. No reply, so she continued to the main room of the grungy apartment. She saw Liara sitting on the couch and breathed a sigh of relief. For a few long moments she had been concerned that the asari had left in some sort of grief induced haze. That had seemed plausible seeing as Doctor T'Soni hadn't spoken a word since...it.
"There you are. I got some food for us," Karin said as cheerily as she could. Liara needed someone strong and if that meant ignoring her own wounds, she would.
A lack of an answer compelled the doctor to move closer. Alarm bells screeched at full bore once she noticed that the asari had a hand to her head. "Liara, are you okay?" She asked gently.
The asari sprung up from the couch and turned around to face Chakwas. She had a gun to her temple, while a surprised look stretched across her face. The young maiden glowed with biotic energy. Karin's mind went blank with horror for a second. She had not seen this coming. "Liara, hold on a minute. I think you should think about this," Chakwas spoke as firmly as she could, her wits flowing back to her. She raised her hands in the air to indicate she meant no harm.
Liara looked at Chakwas as if the human doctor were just a hallucination. "Don't do this. What would Shepard say if he knew what was happening?" Karin said. Although Chakwas had been to basic training many, many years ago she was fully prepared to tackle Liara.
Karin should've seen this coming. Liara didn't seem like someone who was impulsive, but she still should've watched her more closely.
"That's the point, he isn't here. It doesn't matter what he would say because he can't say it now," Liara replied, her voice scratchy and rough.
"I knew Colt for a long time, Liara. I know that he wouldn't have wanted you to waste your life. You know that too," Karin said softly. She saw Liara's eyes grow clearer, so she pressed on. "People care about you. Don't do this to them," Karin stepped towards the asari as lightly as possible. She tried to keep her voice low and her movements sluggish as to prevent startling Liara.
She just stood there and stared at Chakwas, seemingly going through the human woman's words. "Don't do this to me," Karin murmured.
Liara opened her mouth like she wanted to say something before it quivered shut. Her eyes became glassy and they seemed to beg for something that no one could give her. The asari's pretty head bobbed ever so slightly before nodding with more confidence. Chakwas didn't want to jump the gun, so to speak, but it seemed like the war had passed.
The hand holding the gun trembled before it came crashing down to Liara's side. Karin had somehow managed to convince the asari to win a battle neither of them wanted to participate in.
Maybe this wasn't fair and maybe it wasn't right, but it was their reality now. It was their shared hell and Chakwas was going to get Liara through it. She owed him that much. It was an important lesson for Karin. She learned that while something good was gone, there was still other things worth sticking around for. Maybe there wasn't a whole lot left, but there was still something.
Liara gently placed the gun on the table in front of her. She slouched down before her body made the decision to crash to her knees. Karin rushed forward and caught her before she could completely fall, moving the gun far away while she did so.
The asari clung to Chakwas like she was the only thing anchoring her to the world. She buried her head into the human's shoulder before choking sobs rattled her entire body. "He was alive and well only three days ago. How'd he go from completely fine to dead?" Liara whispered in between sobs. Nothing Karin could say would make it any better.