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your rambler.

Elena's POV

(Present Day)

It felt odd lying to Damon about Jeremy. Did he buy it? He seemed to have bought it. I didn't anymore guilt, other than what I was already feeling about having feelings for Damon. Feelings? What feelings? Get a grip Elena. You've only just met him.

All that, coupled with those piercing looks that he kept giving me weren't doing anything good for my fragile heart. Nothing even remotely good, let alone under advised medical conditions. But whom could I talk to? Caroline was always busy on the phone when she wasn't lecturing me about pushing myself too much. Jeremy had his own thing with Bonnie to sort and those mysterious phone calls he had been taking. Whenever I sat down to write, my mind just went blank, everything vanished except for those astonishingly beautiful blue eyes.

I was in my room, all alone; laying in a fetal position on m bed trying not to think about anything at all, especially not those eyes that were currently haunting my every thought.

Damon. Damon. WHY did that sound special? Like it held some special place in my heart? Why was I feeling whatever I was feeling? Why? Why did I feel like I was home whenever I was with him? All those things and feelings that I had read about in stupid books and fake stories were what I felt when I was with him, the feeling of not needing words but expressing everything we felt with our eyes alone, needing to touch him, crumbling down when I wasn't with him, losing my breath when I was, butterflies in my stomach, the frantic beating of my heart, the dilation of my pupils, the echoes in my head, the voices in my mind, everything was coming true.

Who are you Damon? Why are you having this effect on me?

"Hey Lena! I'm leaving, you sure you'll be okay?"

Jeremy had planned a special dinner for Bonnie tonight. He was taking her to 'their' place.

"Yes, I will be. I'm the older sibling, remember?"

"Yeah..but.. you sure?"

"I'll be fine Jer. Go enjoy your date with Bonnie."

"Call me if anything feels wrong. Anything at all and you'll call me, promise?"

"Yes dad. I promise. Now go! Shoo!"

"Okay then. I'll see you soon. Bye Lena."

He came and kissed me on my head before leaving. As soon as I heard him start his car and drive off, I rushed downstairs to take some meds for my headache. I had been getting more and more of these lately but I hadn't told anyone, not even Jeremy. Everyone was already so worried about me, I didn't want to burden them with anymore drama. I had been keeping a lot of secrets lately. It was tough, but I had to. After receiving worried responses from Jer when I mentioned Damon's name, I had stopped telling him about meeting him at all which was happening quite often. He would just happen to drop by wherever I went and whoever I was with initially would happen to come up with some work. It was weird but after the first few minutes, Damon would get my mind completely off of it.

Damon. Ah. I wonder what he was doing right now. Just because my life sucked didn't mean his life had to too. I imagined a happy house, Damon and his wife cooking together, living together, snuggling in front of the fire together, her wearing Damon's clothes after sex, Damon comforting her after a rough day, sleeping on the same bed every night, Damon making coffee for her in the morning, shower sex, going for walks together, celebrating festivals together… kids. Damon, his wife and their kids playing together. Damon would be the perfect dad and his kids would be true copies of him.

Please let the wife be ugly. Please let her have hideous hair. Please let her be fat. Please God.

Stop it Elena. You're not that person. Plus you're married. Forget about Damon. Relax and try and get rid of this headache so that you can start your Grey's Anatomy marathon.

*one hour later*

I was sitting in front of the TV but my headache had only heightened in the past hour. And against my better judgment, I had texted Damon once already. I was feeling very very cold even though I had turned the thermostat up a few degrees.

"Hey! What's up? Want to meet?" He replied.

"Can't. Not feeling too well." I texted him back.

"What's wrong? Want to hang anyway?"

"Umm.. No. I don't want you to get whatever I have."

"I'm already on my way. See you in five."

And true to his word, I heard a knock in five minutes. I had no energy in my body so I texted him that there was a spare key under the rug and told him to come straight to the TV room.

"It's burning up in here. What's up?"

I hadn't even bothered with make up so I had no idea how I must've looked or what warranted that expression on his face because he froze as soon as he saw me.

"You don't look so good, Lena. Have you taken anything?"

"Umm.. I'm sure it's nothing. Just a little headache. It'll pass. I'm so sorry I'm not in a better shape or I would have made something for you."

"Don't worry about it. Have you had anything to eat by the way?"

"Umm.. Yeah, I had lunch with Jer before he left."

"Elena, that was hours ago."

"It's fine. I'm not hungry anyway. "

"No. It's not. You should really take better care of yourself. But never fear when Damon is here."

"No. no. You don't have to do that."

"Elena, I want to." And then he gave me this look, like he would kiss me but then something shifted and he sighed and went to the kitchen.

I heard some noises from the kitchen and tried getting up but I couldn't. I had gotten close enough with Damon so I just let him be and played whichever episode I had been watching before he came. Meredith and Derek were discussing something about her mother and Alzheimer's.

"Lena?" Damon was looming over me with a sort of concerned expression on his face. I awoke with a start. Oh shit, I must've fallen asleep.

"Hey, I'm so sorry about this. Huh… You're here and I'm unwell. I don't even know what's wrong with me."

He touched my forehead and almost shouted, "God Elena! You're burning up! Have you taken something?"

"Yeah, I took something when Jeremy left. I just need to sleep, I'll be fine. Don't worry."

"Elena, I need to take you to the ER. I can't believe he left you here when you weren't feeling well."

"Damon, I'm fine. See.." I said as I tried getting up but my legs wobbled and I almost hit the couch before Damon caught me. I sat back down and he wrapped the blankets around my shivering frame.

"Elena, I think we should go to the hospital right now."

"Damon, I'm fine. I don't want to go to the hospital. Please?"

"Okay, fine. But let's get you upstairs so that you can rest comfortably, I'm sure the couch isn't all that warm and cozy."

I looked up at him, trying to find answers to all the questions in my mind about him like why was he being so nice to me? Why was he helping me? Why was he here? Why did his touch send shivers down my spine? Why was he helping a sick girl who had lost her memories instead of getting drunk at some bar or spending time with her wife or girlfriend? Also, trying to assuage some of the guilt I was feeling.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because you deserve being loved and being taken care of" His expression somber, the sarcastic cocky moron was gone, and in his wake he had left a caring, sensitive, loving man who knew how to take care of a girl.

"Won't your girlfriend mind you being here with me?"

"I'll ask her if and when I find her. But the real question is won't Jeremy mind?" And he did that eye thing that made me lose my senses. I looked down sheepishly and smiled. He had caught on to it. "Jeremy… is my brother. I don't have a boyfriend, but it's complicated."

"I knew that. But it was nice to know that your lying hasn't improved at all. You can tell me all about it when you finish this soup. It's amazing, if I may say so myself."

"Annnd he's back. Fine. I'll have it."

Maybe third time's the charm. I tried getting up again and succeeded. Yay! One point for Elena! But in all but five seconds, I lost my balance and Damon had to carry me to my bedroom.

Five minutes later, I was in my bed, under two layers of blankets, had just finished one full bowl of chicken soup and as much as I hated admitting it, it was rather delicious. Damon really had magic fingers. While I was eating it, the sounds coming out of my mouth gave it away and he smirked like the ass that he was. Arrogant smug bastard.

I wanted him to stay the night. Sure, that would mean crossing a plethora of lines in one night but I wanted to be close to him, as soon as I prepared myself to ask him that question, a bizarre sense of déjà vu hit me.

"Do you want to stay?"

"Really don't want to stay alone. If you want to…"

"Did you say something?" I asked.

"No. Why? What's wrong?"

I couldn't see him anymore, I had floated a million years away, into a distant memory, in some parallel universe where I was in the same room and Damon was there but we were wearing different clothes. All I could see was that it was completely dark in my room and that he was stroking my hair and whispering sweet nothings in my ear. He was holding me like I was going to fade away and I was holding onto him like he was my everything.

"Hey, hey, listen to me. I'm not going anywhere."

"Mrs. Salvatore. I don't know, sounds more like meant to be."

And then he kissed me. It was everything a kiss should be, full of love and admiration.

"Shhh. It's okay Elena. I'm here."

I broke out of my reverie and touched my lips. Damon was still standing there looking a little lost and anxious. I didn't know the words to explain what I had just seen; it was like a morphed memory, like imagining a scene from some book, like a series of images flashing at Godspeed. Nothing was making any sense anymore.

"Elena, what's wrong? What happened?"

"Damon, I… I don't know."

It must've been some latent sexual urge and I shrugged it off into the 'brood over when alone' section in my mind; could not afford looking more like an idiot than I already had, especially in front of Damon.

"It's okay. It'll pass, Elena. I'm here. That's what friends are for, right?"

Friends. Yeah. That was what he was. He probably didn't even think of me that way. Friends… right. I had known that all along but him saying out loud hurt, for some unknown reason, it hurt.

"Yeah, friends. But you've already done so much. Thankyou for taking care of me, I really didn't want to be alone but I couldn't tell Jer. He planned this whole special dinner for Bonnie and I couldn't call Care, she was busy. I thought of who I could talk to and somehow my list started and ended with you."

Great, I was rambling again.

But the look on his face rendered my speechless. He was looking at me like I was the only girl in the world, like I was his sunshine, like I was his life.

"I'll never stop loving you, Elena."

His eyes were teary and he was hurting, I could see that he was in pain.

"Please know that I'll always be here."

"Elena?" He called me.

"Yes. I don't know what's happening. Can you stay with me?"

"Yes, sleep. I'll be here when you wake up. You need to sleep it off."

He climbed onto my bed, and lay down on his side. Even though he was above the blankets and I was under, I could feel the warmth resonating from his body into mine. He took my hand in his and drew circles with his thumb.

"Sleep, Lena. I'm here."

"Thankyou Damon."

I didn't when I started falling into the peaceful arms of unconsciousness. The last thing I remember is thinking of him, his breath mingling with mine, his hand on mine and his voice saying

"I love you Lena. "

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